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Boba Pearl posted:How come there's never been a David Attenborough documentary about a magical / alternate dimension??? I felt this is what Avatar should have been instead of Dances with Smurfs. Just make it a nature/anthropology documentary about some alien planet and its weird native flora and fauna. Like I feel llike it's fairly obvious that's basically what Cameron's interest was in Pandora, too.
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Apr 13, 2022 03:36
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bobjr posted:Actually was there any real follow up on that plot? Hagrid has his students work with dangerous and unpredictable new crossbreeds, which there were established laws against. I think one was used in the Triwizard finals, but they're otherwise never brought up again, not even when Dolores Umbridge is looking for reasons to fire Hagrid.
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Apr 13, 2022 03:37
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One of my biggest pet peeves from the books (that I can remember, it’s been a while) was when Mundungus Fletcher described the nasty ministry woman as a toad and Harry immediately clocks that is simply MUST be Umbridge. The movie had the good sense to change it into *looks at conveniently placed newspaper* “oh poo poo that’s her!”
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Apr 13, 2022 04:07
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The worst sin any woman can commit in a Harry Potter story is being ugly or TOO hot. How dare anyone be anything other than above average pretty?! Guys get to be as gnarly or hot as they want, though.
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Apr 13, 2022 04:27
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https://twitter.com/jennyenicholson/status/1514079934037184513?s=21&t=m_COSnt6vVmLD411b8vQMQ Jenny has a lot of fun tweets currently.
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Apr 13, 2022 04:33
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Piell posted:That tweet isn't accurate, unfortunately, its just linking to this story that was posted in this thread earlier lol no even if you can get the actors back and why should they, the adventures of middle age Dad Harry Potter would be very different than lonley orphan discovers he is magic. Also everybody saying they should have just made a doc about magical animals and it would have made bank is kidding themselve. Maybe as a limited streaming show but never a tentpole international Blockbuster. Those need some real stake
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Apr 13, 2022 06:55
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Fast and the Furious movies seem to do pretty well so multi-ethnic globe trotting wizards who dont deal with the holocaust seem to still work at the box office and I dont see why fantastic beasts couldnt have been that but without cars
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Apr 13, 2022 06:58
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I Love Loosies posted:lol no even if you can get the actors back and why should they, the adventures of middle age Dad Harry Potter would be very different than lonley orphan discovers he is magic. I don't think that's what they would actually do, but something like this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Crocodile_Hunter:_Collision_Course but with magical creatures could work.
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Apr 13, 2022 07:07
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The blast-ended skrewts are a nice subtle-ish bit of writing imo, the kids assume that Hagrid is doing animal crimes again because he's got this obscure species no-one's heard of growing in his garden that seem inappropriate to be exposing children to, but actually he's been contracted to breed them for the children's death tournament and they're obscure so they present more of a challenge.
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Apr 13, 2022 07:29
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If you cant imagine a climactic scene where our heroes must infiltrate the villains train where they have the captured unicorn I feel bad for you.
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Apr 13, 2022 07:41
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josh04 posted:The blast-ended skrewts are a nice subtle-ish bit of writing imo, the kids assume that Hagrid is doing animal crimes again because he's got this obscure species no-one's heard of growing in his garden that seem inappropriate to be exposing children to, but actually he's been contracted to breed them for the children's death tournament and they're obscure so they present more of a challenge. I dunno if that was on purpose, it comes up in the papers that they're an illegal crossbreed. Also towards the end of the book Hagrid mentions there's only one left. Barudak posted:If you cant imagine a climactic scene where our heroes must infiltrate the villains train where they have the captured unicorn I feel bad for you. There's a The Unicorn In Captivity joke there
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Apr 13, 2022 07:58
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Yeah I haven't read Goblet in a long time but IIRC Hagrid really is doing illegal crossbreeding bullshit and he ends up creating a death machine species that all kill one another until there's only one left, and there's nothing left to do with it but throw it into the maze at the end of the tournament.
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Apr 13, 2022 08:00
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Rotten Red Rod posted:The worst sin any woman can commit in a Harry Potter story is being ugly or TOO hot. How dare anyone be anything other than above average pretty?! It's anyone, not just women. Her ire is most pronounced against women, because Rowling is a misogynist, but it's really a universal rule. The Shrieking Shack bring it up; if you're anything more than a 6 or less than a 4 you're evil.
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Apr 13, 2022 08:00
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RoboChrist 9000 posted:It's anyone, not just women. Her ire is most pronounced against women, because Rowling is a misogynist, but it's really a universal rule. The Shrieking Shack bring it up; if you're anything more than a 6 or less than a 4 you're evil. It's funny because the movies are filled with objectively handsome/beautiful people. Like Rupert Grint was kinda gangly in the first few films, but puberty was kind to him and Daniel Radcliff and Emma Watson were just adorable at the start and are very good looking adults. His costume didn't do him any favors, but Alan Rickman had been a hottie for decades. Then the new movies have Colin Farrel, Johnny Depp, Mads Mikkelson when Depp got too toxic, and Jude loving Law.
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Apr 13, 2022 08:10
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Skwirl posted:It's funny because the movies are filled with objectively handsome/beautiful people. Like Rupert Grint was kinda gangly in the first few films, but puberty was kind to him and Daniel Radcliff and Emma Watson were just adorable at the start and are very good looking adults. His costume didn't do him any favors, but Alan Rickman had been a hottie for decades. Then the new movies have Colin Farrel, Johnny Depp, Mads Mikkelson when Depp got too toxic, and Jude loving Law. I mean the books are more exaggerated in general. Dudley is described as almost broader than he’s tall, which is a fun description but virtually impossible barring some truly disturbing physical implications in real life.
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Apr 13, 2022 08:20
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people in this thread overestimate how much twitter bigotry and anger affects people doing things in the real world. Most people have no idea about Rowling's bigotry and many of those that do agree with her or don't care. The Crimes of Grindelwald made $655m on a $200m budget. Chances are this one will be a financial success, too, bad writing and all. There could be a ton of plot holes, no beasts whatsoever and as long as they get in some beloved characters making quips about muggles, cool CGI fight scenes that are roughly connected by the semblance of a plot, it will do fine.
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Apr 13, 2022 08:24
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Skwirl posted:It's funny because the movies are filled with objectively handsome/beautiful people. Like Rupert Grint was kinda gangly in the first few films, but puberty was kind to him and Daniel Radcliff and Emma Watson were just adorable at the start and are very good looking adults. His costume didn't do him any favors, but Alan Rickman had been a hottie for decades. Then the new movies have Colin Farrel, Johnny Depp, Mads Mikkelson when Depp got too toxic, and Jude loving Law. Neville's actor also had almost the perfect physical transformation between the first and last movies.
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Apr 13, 2022 08:25
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I Love Loosies posted:lol no even if you can get the actors back and why should they, the adventures of middle age Dad Harry Potter would be very different than lonley orphan discovers he is magic. i wasn't advocating a doc, i was advocating Pokemon But It's Harry Potter
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Apr 13, 2022 08:34
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Ghost Leviathan posted:I dunno if that was on purpose, it comes up in the papers that they're an illegal crossbreed. Also towards the end of the book Hagrid mentions there's only one left. Sydin posted:Yeah I haven't read Goblet in a long time but IIRC Hagrid really is doing illegal crossbreeding bullshit and he ends up creating a death machine species that all kill one another until there's only one left, and there's nothing left to do with it but throw it into the maze at the end of the tournament. Eh, mine's better. Sorry Jo.
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Apr 13, 2022 08:36
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It’s funny because there was nothing that tied JK’s hands to the idea that Newt Scamander was somehow implicated in the whole fight against Grindelwald. She clearly wanted to make a prequel series around Dumbledore and Grindelwald and for *some* reason decided to anchor it with characters that have little to no reason to be there. It’s so weird because it’s all made up anyway, so why make things more complicated than they had to be? There’s no books to slavishly follow here, so it’s really weird the way they decided to make this. Even from the perspective of them writing one movie at a time with no concept of what the sequel will be it’s weird; the first Fantastic Beast was very much preoccupied with Grindelwald so clearly they chose that to be the overarching focal point early. Just scrap Newt and elevate Dumbledore to main character, literally no HP fan would’ve objected to that.
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Apr 13, 2022 10:01
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Yeah, just call it "Diaries of Dumbledore" or whatever
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Apr 13, 2022 10:09
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BigglesSWE posted:It’s funny because there was nothing that tied JK’s hands to the idea that Newt Scamander was somehow implicated in the whole fight against Grindelwald. She clearly wanted to make a prequel series around Dumbledore and Grindelwald and for *some* reason decided to anchor it with characters that have little to no reason to be there. It’s so weird because it’s all made up anyway, so why make things more complicated than they had to be? There’s no books to slavishly follow here, so it’s really weird the way they decided to make this. Even from the perspective of them writing one movie at a time with no concept of what the sequel will be it’s weird; the first Fantastic Beast was very much preoccupied with Grindelwald so clearly they chose that to be the overarching focal point early. Just scrap Newt and elevate Dumbledore to main character, literally no HP fan would’ve objected to that. It seems like Rowling wanted to write FB1 and pitched a series of five movies that led up to Dumbledore/Grindelwald in dribs and drabs - which is what happens in that film, the plot is largely self-contained with a cameo by the big bad. But for the second film, the plotting spiraled outwards in the way that you can get away with in a book (if your publisher lets you push a 1000+ page tome) or even a play (if you can, uh, make it two plays) but which is prohibitive for a tentpole action film. You don't have time to introduce characters so you're pulling them out of the previous films and books even if it doesn't quite make sense. Newt's personal plot and the magical creatures become a marginal presence in the film that's ostensibly still about them but if you're going to fit all the poo poo you've plotted in then we have to move way too fast for that to hang around. You have to fit in a boat crash flashback, a Nazi rally, the heroes have to team up with the philosopher's stone guy to stop Paris from being burned. They're being hunted by a guy called Grimmson who dies in a behind-the-scenes book. William Nadylam's character just sort of falls over at a timely moment. There's no time for these things to be connected to anything because there's so much Dumbledore/Grindelwald plot to fit in. Except any scenes where they are in any way physically intimate. Those didn't make it. Sounds like the process for the third film was the same but even more so.
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Apr 13, 2022 10:45
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NEWT SCAMANDER is a stuffy british conservationist wizard sent to assignment to AMERICA to help retrieve a UNICORN. While there he meets LOCAL AMERICAN SIDEKICK (Im gonna call him LIBERTY UNIDOS) who is WILD and PROVINCIAL. While working together they find out that the villain SLAVERY FOREVER, a former Confederate, has stolen the UNICORN and is planning to sell it to a higher bidder. After many tribulations they learn SLAVERY FOREVER has been supplying NEWT SCAMANDERS conservatory with illegally taken and poorly treated animals so they vow to stop him and return the UNICORN to its rightful home. During a KICKASS TRAIN SCENE, our heroes are split up. LIBERTY UNIDOS defeats his opponent a notorious mercenary HESSIAN PRIDE by doing a callback to being told to shut up a lot by casting a silent, no wand EXPELIRAMUS to knock him off the train so he can appear in THE SEQUEL. At the same time, NEWT SCAMANDER defeats SLAVERY FOREVER with the help of the UNICORN after which he decides to write his own zoological guide with the help of LIBERTY UNIDOS that he plans to call FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM.
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Apr 13, 2022 11:10
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Barudak posted:NEWT SCAMANDER is a stuffy british conservationist wizard sent to assignment to AMERICA to help retrieve a UNICORN. While there he meets LOCAL AMERICAN SIDEKICK (Im gonna call him LIBERTY UNIDOS) who is WILD and PROVINCIAL. While working together they find out that the villain SLAVERY FOREVER, a former Confederate, has stolen the UNICORN and is planning to sell it to a higher bidder. After many tribulations they learn SLAVERY FOREVER has been supplying NEWT SCAMANDERS conservatory with illegally taken and poorly treated animals so they vow to stop him and return the UNICORN to its rightful home. During a KICKASS TRAIN SCENE, our heroes are split up. LIBERTY UNIDOS defeats his opponent a notorious mercenary HESSIAN PRIDE by doing a callback to being told to shut up a lot by casting a silent, no wand EXPELIRAMUS to knock him off the train so he can appear in THE SEQUEL. At the same time, NEWT SCAMANDER defeats SLAVERY FOREVER with the help of the UNICORN after which he decides to write his own zoological guide with the help of LIBERTY UNIDOS that he plans to call FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM. Sir, this is a Wendy's drive through.
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Apr 13, 2022 11:12
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BigglesSWE posted:It’s funny because there was nothing that tied JK’s hands to the idea that Newt Scamander was somehow implicated in the whole fight against Grindelwald. She clearly wanted to make a prequel series around Dumbledore and Grindelwald and for *some* reason decided to anchor it with characters that have little to no reason to be there. It’s so weird because it’s all made up anyway, so why make things more complicated than they had to be? There’s no books to slavishly follow here, so it’s really weird the way they decided to make this. Even from the perspective of them writing one movie at a time with no concept of what the sequel will be it’s weird; the first Fantastic Beast was very much preoccupied with Grindelwald so clearly they chose that to be the overarching focal point early. Just scrap Newt and elevate Dumbledore to main character, literally no HP fan would’ve objected to that. I think that one is simple to explain: She's trying to replicate the books' structure by starting with a whimsical plot that gradually gets dramatic twists and a darker, more "serious" tone. A lot of the elements that don't work in these movies had equivalents in the series that made her fortune, only with an author that's gotten lazier, a less forgiving audience, a completely different medium and a premise (wizard politics in the lead-up to WW2!) that she does not have the chops to do well anyway.
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Apr 13, 2022 11:14
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I mean a lot of stories start whimsical then get more serious. Its just when what you're building to is "our heroes do nothing about the holocaust" its one of those projects where maybe you step back and reevaluate your plans
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Apr 13, 2022 11:17
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Zore posted:The Fantastic Beasts movies were supposed to sort of adapt this but Rowling derailed it into instead going into Dumbledore and Wizard Hitler poo poo without really accounting for the fact that our main characters are mostly bumbling comedy characters meant for a fun movie about magical animal hijinks. The first movie vacillates between that and going into some insanely dark poo poo with child abuse and how fascist wizard USA is for some reason and the second movie+ almost completely drop the whole whimsical naturalism angle so you have Don't forget that in the first movie fuckup cop Tina Goldstein has had to Hand In Her Badge and been banned from cop HQ for punching the woman who's abused Ezra Miller's character into manifesting shrieky dark murdermagic thing. Said woman knows about wizards and keeps preaching against them but hasn't had her mind wiped because... JKR couldn't be arsed to think that much about it I guess? Or is she meant to be a squib and no-one cares what squibs do to other squibs? And yeah, Wizard Hitler is easily the most relatable character in these movies. Wizard society sucks! It's horrible! Who wouldn't want to change it? I have a bizarre suspicion that he's "supposed" to be a Jeremy Corbyn-alike and she thinks left-wing demagogues all gloat in private about how they're going to institute pogroms once those suckers who want a better world vote them into power... Zore posted:But for real the existence of Obscurials is loving wild considering how much child abuse we know Harry and Neville went through growing up. Like you'd think if that was an important setting detail you might explain how a child beaten and locked under a staircase for 11 years or one who keeps getting almost murdered by his relatives for not being magical enough managed to avoid it. You'd think wizard child protective services would be an essential and well-funded part of wizard government just to avoid poo poo like this, but apparently all the funding goes to Aurors.
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Apr 13, 2022 11:50
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Runcible Cat posted:You'd think wizard child protective services would be an essential and well-funded part of wizard government just to avoid poo poo like this, but apparently all the funding goes to Aurors. THAT part at least sounds sadly realistic
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Apr 13, 2022 12:24
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Why help one child when you could have a sick new flying carriage.
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Apr 13, 2022 12:27
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Is it canon that Dumbledore’s sister was an obscuria or was that just fans doing their own detective work? It works in terms of description at least as I recall it.
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Apr 13, 2022 12:32
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BigglesSWE posted:Is it canon that Dumbledore’s sister was an obscuria or was that just fans doing their own detective work? It works in terms of description at least as I recall it. Apparently the new movie confirms it.
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Apr 13, 2022 12:42
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Doctor Spaceman posted:Apparently the new movie confirms it. I mean it’s not the biggest stretch tbh, it’s just annoying that JK will use such a detail as “proof” that all she does is part of the plan and not at all thrown together over a weekend before WB calls.
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Apr 13, 2022 13:06
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Hey remember in the first movie when a US Senator is violently killed in front of a giant crowd of people and literally nothing of consequence ever happens and it's not even mentioned in the second (and I presume third) movie?
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Apr 13, 2022 13:14
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ONE YEAR LATER posted:Hey remember in the first movie when a US Senator is violently killed in front of a giant crowd of people and literally nothing of consequence ever happens and it's not even mentioned in the second (and I presume third) movie? Technically it’s just someone campaigning to be a senator, but yeah. Biggest crime was not killing Jon Voight in a horrific manner. But yeah, there’s a bunch of stuff I like in that movie but it really plays too lose with how much wizards can outright gently caress with muggles without apparent consequence.
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Apr 13, 2022 13:18
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Ghost Leviathan posted:I dunno if that was on purpose, it comes up in the papers that they're an illegal crossbreed. Isn’t the only stuff we see in the papers in Goblet the Rita Skeeter articles? Even if not the Prophet always comes off as conservative and more than willing to drop a wild accusation that gets retracted in small print weeks later.
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Apr 13, 2022 13:28
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BigglesSWE posted:Technically it’s just someone campaigning to be a senator, but yeah. He was campaigning for re-election, at the time of his death he's a sitting NY state senator lol
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Apr 13, 2022 13:32
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Rotten Red Rod posted:Apparently what happened is someone had the idea to make a documentary-style movie about Newt, and JK Rowling stepped in and totally overhauled the whole project. What's unsaid is she clearly has no interest in the Fantastic Beasts part (or at least lost interest after movie 1) and viewed it as vehicle to tell the Dumbledore story she's clearly much more interested in. This is a much better and more interesting premise, and might've been a good movie.
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Apr 13, 2022 15:03
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I Love Loosies posted:Also everybody saying they should have just made a doc about magical animals and it would have made bank is kidding themselve. Maybe as a limited streaming show but never a tentpole international Blockbuster. Those need some real stake I never said it would make bank, just that it would be more enjoyable, and wouldn't be actively torpedoing the brand like this series is. And yeah, actually, a streaming show would be a perfect format. Then JKR could ALSO make the Dumbledore series she actually wants instead of mashing the two together for no good reason.
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Apr 13, 2022 15:17
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ONE YEAR LATER posted:He was campaigning for re-election, at the time of his death he's a sitting NY state senator lol wizards killed FDR?
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Apr 13, 2022 15:25
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Mycroft Holmes posted:wizards killed FDR? and to do this day people think it was the polio.
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Apr 13, 2022 16:00
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