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Droyer
Oct 9, 2012



What's the shittiest, worst, absolute most rear end-backwards piece of sci-fi tech you've ever seen? I don't mean in how realistic it is, idgaf about that, but in the context of the thing it's from it's just a real piece of trash.

I nominate the Scopedog from Armored Trooper VOTOMS:



Its armor can be punched through by a hangun, its fueled by one of the most volatile materials known to man so if you do much as nudge it it blows up, it once lost a fight to a bunch of bikers with molotov cocktails. Just an iron coffin pretending to be a mech.

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Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


Starfleet surge protectors.



I guess a post scarcity society still contracts out to the lowest bidder.

Like jesus christ load a bunch of consoles into a torpedo casing and fire them at the enemy.

Royal Updog
Sep 26, 2019

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

Butternubs posted:

Starfleet surge protectors.

Ship runs itself, that's what the crew is for

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006




Butternubs posted:

Starfleet surge protectors.



I guess a post scarcity society still contracts out to the lowest bidder.

Like jesus christ load a bunch of consoles into a torpedo casing and fire them at the enemy.

doing that is probably banned by a treaty with the romulans after an exchange of console torpedoes left three light years of the neutral zone barren of life or something

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



You really would think that with replicators some enterprising young ensign would weave ballistic fibers and shock protection into their uniform

Stanley Tucheetos
May 15, 2012



Holodecks have a terrible safety record. I'm almost positive every season has at least 1 failure that traps people inside while simultaneously disabling all safety measures.

Royal Updog
Sep 26, 2019

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

Stanley Tucheetos posted:

Holodecks have a terrible safety record. I'm almost positive every season has at least 1 failure that traps people inside while simultaneously disabling all safety measures.

On the other hand, thats the only way Riker can feel alive

Two Owls
Sep 17, 2016

Yeah, count me in



That Jon Pertwee Doctor Who episode where everyone is amazed at the Doctor's latest incredible invention: an automatic garage door opener

Martman
Nov 20, 2006

SEXY... defines my posts and my ride


A safe in Altered Carbon uses DNA-based authentication. The whole premise of the show is that bodies are interchangeable, making DNA no longer a consistent indicator of someone's identity. All it would have to do is have a password to be infinitely more secure.

It's like writing a show where everyone can shoot fire out of their hands and then some guy's devious plans involve a safe made of ice.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009


Nap Ghost

It's a little holographic phones in Star Wars that still have crackly static

Nebakenezzer
Sep 13, 2005

The Mote in God's Eye



Stanley Tucheetos posted:

Holodecks have a terrible safety record. I'm almost positive every season has at least 1 failure that traps people inside while simultaneously disabling all safety measures.

Starfleet really needs to redesign its ship reactors. How many time on TNG has there been a need to do some fail-safe procedure like eject a warp core and it fails?

Contrast to the Cardassian-designed DS9. I think the main reactor threatens to explode twice, once specifically thanks to a self-destruct sequence.

I always questioned the Empire's need for Lizard-based cavalry on Tattoine. I've no idea how the Imperial stormtrooper thing works, but imagine finding out you've drawn the "indigenous cavalry" detail,

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth; I am a citizen of the world.




Spacesballs lightsabers being ring-mounted. It's gonna rotate and cut off your other fingers!

SidneyIsTheKiller
Jul 16, 2019

I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...


Tulip posted:

Spacesballs lightsabers being ring-mounted. It's gonna rotate and cut off your other fingers!

The rings didn't actually do anything, they were like a placebo for getting you to believe in your own power. Remember, "The Schwartz is in you. The Schwartz is in YOU"

banned from Starbucks
Jul 18, 2004






Nebakenezzer posted:


I always questioned the Empire's need for Lizard-based cavalry on Tattoine. I've no idea how the Imperial stormtrooper thing works, but imagine finding out you've drawn the "indigenous cavalry" detail,

In a deleted scene they explained that tatooines too hot for their speeders to work and one of the storm troopers has to hide inside the cool guts of a dead dewback because of heat stroke

Stanley Tucheetos
May 15, 2012



banned from Starbucks posted:

In a deleted scene they explained that tatooines too hot for their speeders to work and one of the storm troopers has to hide inside the cool guts of a dead dewback because of heat stroke

Sounds like speeders are garbage if they can't operate where a Toyota does.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth; I am a citizen of the world.




Death Sticks.

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

The rings didn't actually do anything, they were like a placebo for getting you to believe in your own power. Remember, "The Schwartz is in you. The Schwartz is in YOU"

It's true.

MonsieurChoc
Oct 12, 2013

Every species can smell its own extinction.


Droyer posted:

What's the shittiest, worst, absolute most rear end-backwards piece of sci-fi tech you've ever seen? I don't mean in how realistic it is, idgaf about that, but in the context of the thing it's from it's just a real piece of trash.

I nominate the Scopedog from Armored Trooper VOTOMS:



Its armor can be punched through by a hangun, its fueled by one of the most volatile materials known to man so if you do much as nudge it it blows up, it once lost a fight to a bunch of bikers with molotov cocktails. Just an iron coffin pretending to be a mech.

There's an entire OVA series about a dude fighting scopedogs on foot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUx0pqA80UU

Still love these pieces of poo poo robots. The noise they make when sliding is top tier sfx.

Sous Videodrome
Apr 9, 2020



In the Expanse TV show, a botanist joins their ship for a couple episodes. He helps them set up panels on the walls with air scrubbing plants held in cool plastic hexagons and fed water from the ship lines. Ten minutes later they fire the engines to avoid getting shot or something and all the plants fall out onto the floor. That's pretty lovely, even if it does make the ship nicer when they are in place.

Zesty
Jan 17, 2012



Those PADDs in Star Trek that seemingly only hold one file so the Captain has a couple dozen haphazardly spread out on their desk to show how overwhelmed they are.

xutech
Mar 4, 2011

EIIST



Federation uniforms...

Star Trek Captain: Number 2 I would like you to go down to the med bay to get some dilithium crystals for important reasons.

Number 2: (waking from erotic reverie) er, I would prefer not to if it's okay with you captain...please send the android..

Star Trek Captain: No it is important and it is an order.

Number 2: (trying to punch self in dick) uh, yes sir, just give me a few more seconds.

Droyer
Oct 9, 2012



xutech posted:

Federation uniforms...

Star Trek Captain: Number 2 I would like you to go down to the med bay to get some dilithium crystals for important reasons.

Number 2: (waking from erotic reverie) er, I would prefer not to if it's okay with you captain...please send the android..

Star Trek Captain: No it is important and it is an order.

Number 2: (trying to punch self in dick) uh, yes sir, just give me a few more seconds.

Seems like more of a feature than a bug to me.

Internet Kraken
Apr 24, 2010

slightly amused




The all-terrain vehicle that throws a fit if you drive it over any terrain that isn't perfectly flat.

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016



Internet Kraken posted:



The all-terrain vehicle that throws a fit if you drive it over any terrain that isn't perfectly flat.

A futuristic some-terrain vehicle

Trast
Oct 20, 2010

Three games, thousands of playthroughs. 90% of the players don't know I exist. Still a redhead saving the galaxy with a [Right Hook].

:edi:


Internet Kraken posted:



The all-terrain vehicle that throws a fit if you drive it over any terrain that isn't perfectly flat.

It's main function is to run over geth so you can get out and shoot them at your leisure.

Cannon_Fodder
Jul 17, 2007

"Hey, where did Steve go?"
Design by Kamoc

I never understood the Y-Wing bomber.


Ok, so you've got a piddly gun that barely shoots out the front (your lowest profile) and you drop bombs out the bottom (your largest profile) as exposed to enemy fire as possible.


Just make'em torpedoes. Then at least I'd find it possible that they would make their way to the target.

Filthy Hans
Jun 27, 2008



Cannon_Fodder posted:

I never understood the Y-Wing bomber.


Ok, so you've got a piddly gun that barely shoots out the front (your lowest profile) and you drop bombs out the bottom (your largest profile) as exposed to enemy fire as possible.


Just make'em torpedoes. Then at least I'd find it possible that they would make their way to the target.

it's because they're supposed to evoke ww2 light bombers and look cool

1000 Brown M and Ms
Oct 22, 2008

F:\DL>quickfli 4-clowns.fli

Internet Kraken posted:



The all-terrain vehicle that throws a fit if you drive it over any terrain that isn't perfectly flat.

Could be worse, could be this 1980s Lego set called 'All-Terrain Vehicle'

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

427 TOTALLY LEGITIMATE, DEFENSIBLE NATIONAL TITLES AND COUNTING


Is "light infantry" a tech? Because Starship Troopers. Just a bunch of easily punctured flesh dudes grabastically charging giant scything deathbugs and dying in droves. Sure would be neat if, oh, say, they were to create a powered suit of armor for these soldiers, maybe they should hire a sci-fi author or something

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006




GD_American posted:

Is "light infantry" a tech? Because Starship Troopers. Just a bunch of easily punctured flesh dudes grabastically charging giant scything deathbugs and dying in droves. Sure would be neat if, oh, say, they were to create a powered suit of armor for these soldiers, maybe they should hire a sci-fi author or something

charging might not be the core strength of light infantry but im pretty sure st was not exactly depicting competent utilization of the lives of recruits

they are useful against some space bugs they just need something but what was it...


...aaah that's the stuff

Filthy Hans
Jun 27, 2008



GD_American posted:

Is "light infantry" a tech? Because Starship Troopers. Just a bunch of easily punctured flesh dudes grabastically charging giant scything deathbugs and dying in droves. Sure would be neat if, oh, say, they were to create a powered suit of armor for these soldiers, maybe they should hire a sci-fi author or something

I'm probably walking into a :thejoke: trap but Paul Verhoeven was subverting the book and showing how little regard the government really has for enlisted soldiers, lovely equipment was a big part of that

they were all fodder

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



Yeah Starship Troopers the movie is pretty king for bad tech-- if anything being stuck in the late 90s helps hammer home that the fascist government making the propaganda movie you're watching is all flash and no substance. Its ideas of futuristic luxury are a primitive iPad Johnny uses to make a .gif in History class, a giant scoreboard where all students are forced to broadcast their scores publicly for everyone else, and instead of instant video communication they have to literally mail each other pre-recorded minidiscs.

General Battuta
Feb 7, 2011

This is how you communicate with a fellow intelligence: you hurt it, you keep on hurting it, until you can distinguish the posts from the screams.

It's the stargate, the loving stargate is the shittiest garbage to ever drop from the rear end of a civilization, it was made by engineers obeying the engineer code of ethics which is 'why would anyone use this device in any way except the correct way?'

Wow a big ring that can dial any other big ring in the galaxy, allowing instantaneous travel between stars on foot! That's a wonderful invention, we should install it everywhere and build them so well that even when we gently caress off and turn into balls of light everyone who's left behind can keep using them.

Only (only!!!) there are a couple catches:

1. Unlike a telephone, a stargate wormhole is unidirectional: once you dial, your wormhole is outgoing, you can send stuff through it but nothing can come back from the receiving end without disconnecting and redialing from that end.

2. When you activate the stargate it shoots out a giant vortex of death that annihilates anything in its path. If you're on the receiving end there's no warning before this happens, so the stargate just randomly vaporizes whoever is standing in front of it whenever it's dialed.

3. There are four ways to walk into an active stargate pair: front side of the dialing gate, back side of the dialing gate, front side of the receiving gate, back side of the receiving gate. Three out of four of these approaches are instantly and irreversibly fatal! If you enter an active stargate from any side except the front side of the dialing gate, you cease to exist. And there is no way to tell which is which!!! No warning lights, no loving signage, no "this is a receiving gate, stand clear" siren. Just instant subatomic annihilation if you make the slightest mistake (or you're a curious indigene who's just seen the giant metal ring turn on and you want to see what happens inside it). Death!

4. Just for laughs the gate somehow has the ability to draw power from a black hole. And in this mode it can't be deactivated. So if you accidentally dial a stargate near a black hole, your gate will be permanently useless.

5. I firmly believe that somewhere, in some dark subsystem, the stargate system maintains a kill counter

Slippery
May 16, 2004




Muscles Boxcar

Plus I mean, Mobile Infantry. As opposed to the more commonly seen static variety.

Anyway the superior Starship Troopers is clearly John Steakley's Armor :colbert:

Slippery fucked around with this message at 18:39 on May 31, 2020

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011



It's great when something in a sci-fi story is written as being a horrible piece of garbage. It creates complications that can show off the depth of the setting. Why something is bad, why it's still in use. It's funny. So many writers will talk your ear off about how cool their stuff is, it's refreshing when they go the other way.

Anyway, this is the only thing I remember offhand.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

427 TOTALLY LEGITIMATE, DEFENSIBLE NATIONAL TITLES AND COUNTING


Filthy Hans posted:

I'm probably walking into a :thejoke: trap but Paul Verhoeven was subverting the book and showing how little regard the government really has for enlisted soldiers, lovely equipment was a big part of that

they were all fodder

oh yeah the difference between pro-fascist book and anti-fascist movie are night and day, when I saw the movie I was pissed because I was a Heinlein fanboy who capital letters Didn't Get It.

Balsa
May 10, 2020

Turbo Nerd


What I want to know is why control consoles in Star trek can even explode?! I mean, I get the wall panel ones, since its got poo poo running behind it. but the bridge and its control panels should not be able to kill anyone....

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Balsa posted:

What I want to know is why control consoles in Star trek can even explode?! I mean, I get the wall panel ones, since its got poo poo running behind it. but the bridge and its control panels should not be able to kill anyone....

Starfleet cant keep pumping out so many new officers if there arent roles for them

Slippery
May 16, 2004




Muscles Boxcar

Balsa posted:

What I want to know is why control consoles in Star trek can even explode?! I mean, I get the wall panel ones, since its got poo poo running behind it. but the bridge and its control panels should not be able to kill anyone....

Very bad human factors engineering, Starfleet Academy needs some help...

Groke
Jul 27, 2007
New Adventures In Mom Strength

Stanley Tucheetos posted:

Sounds like speeders are garbage if they can't operate where a Toyota does.

Piece of poo poo equipment delivered to the Space Nazi military by some dubious subcontractor probably protected by nepotism or something. Checks out.

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banned from Starbucks
Jul 18, 2004






Hoverboards from Back 2 the Future 2. They dont even work on water unless you've got power.

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