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Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Valko posted:

I'm late on this but it wouldn't surprise me if there was a porno already out there with the name Transformers featuring transexuals.

I know for a fact that there isn't.

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Valko
Sep 17, 2015

FYAAAAAD!!!


Maybe because the people who name pornos (parodies or not) are as big a fan of puns as british tabloids?

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


pop fly to McGillicutty posted:

Gonna go tell my kid he's a man now and throw him out.

I think the lessons he learned from Transformers will serve him well.

... But you better hope he'll grow to be more Optimus than Megatron when he shows up at your door again ten years later!

UltraRed
Apr 9, 2005



Fun Shoe

Well, OP, gonna need a link

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

one step done and another begun



Nap Ghost

by the power of greyskull - i'm... i'm transforming!!!

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004
Im gonna put cupcakes on your mind


Blurry Gray Thing posted:

I think the lessons he learned from Transformers will serve him well.

... But you better hope he'll grow to be more Optimus than Megatron when he shows up at your door again ten years later!

If he doesn't kick my door in and say "father, your lessons taught me well in the language of revenge" before blowing me away, I've failed as a father.


Mozi posted:

by the power of greyskull - i'm... i'm transforming!!!

Or maybe this but it has to be in Tracy Jordan's voice

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

UltraRed posted:

Well, OP, gonna need a link

Is my word not good enough for you?

Miss Broccoli
May 1, 2020



Valko posted:

I'm late on this but it wouldn't surprise me if there was a porno already out there with the name Transformers featuring transexuals.

This really isn't at all a joke

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

one step done and another begun



Nap Ghost

Transboners

Valko
Sep 17, 2015

FYAAAAAD!!!


Miss Broccoli posted:

This really isn't at all a joke

It wasn't meant to be. I'm aware that the vast majority of porn is transphobic, homophobic and mysogynistic. Racist too.

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

In Rodd We Bust





Instead of a car or a truck I would just transform into a robot with a bigger dick

RandomFerret
Apr 18, 2008

WHAT IS A JUGGALO?
A HULKAMANIAC

HE POWERBOMBS MOTHERFUCKERS INTO THUMBTACKS


Yeah op its called the Masterpiece line. They cost $200 apiece and the instruction manual is the size of a goosebumps book which is not very big for a book but I think you can agree that's quite a lot of steps for a toy



It's pretty impressive how screen-accurate they are, because the show didn't even pretend to make the transformation actually work

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


RandomFerret posted:

Yeah op its called the Masterpiece line. They cost $200 apiece and the instruction manual is the size of a goosebumps book which is not very big for a book but I think you can agree that's quite a lot of steps for a toy



It's pretty impressive how screen-accurate they are, because the show didn't even pretend to make the transformation actually work

That looks dumb as hell

Sunswipe
Feb 5, 2016

STILL ANGRY ABOUT CHEESE


Big Beef City posted:

That looks dumb as hell

It's Beast Wars, of course it's stupid.

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

In Rodd We Bust





As a 90’s kid Beast Wars were the pinnacle Birthday present or reward for good grades. I had all the dope ones and some of the lame little ones. I remember when I was in college I popped in to a TOYS R US one day for a gift for a nephew and was DISGUSTED to see they had “transformers action figures” which were just action figures from the movies that DIDNT FUCKIN TRANSFORM.

Toys have become impossibly cheap and lovely, we really did have the best toys.

Wattsamatta
Feb 24, 2008



GI Joes vs. Transformers was a bitter war waged every year from the third week in June through the first week in July in the mid to late 80's. The war had it's nexus in my backyard, and losses were heavy on both sides; Starscream took a roman candle to the face and melted down to pot metal. Snake Eyes lost an arm to a black cat. Zamot was blown clean in half by a cherry bomb and Tomaz was PISSED.

I look back on that time and think of all the potential money I exploded. And then I remember that that poo poo was loving awesome and grown-rear end adults with closets full of unopened toys make me sad.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Bust Rodd posted:

As a 90’s kid Beast Wars were the pinnacle Birthday present or reward for good grades. I had all the dope ones and some of the lame little ones. I remember when I was in college I popped in to a TOYS R US one day for a gift for a nephew and was DISGUSTED to see they had “transformers action figures” which were just action figures from the movies that DIDNT FUCKIN TRANSFORM.

Toys have become impossibly cheap and lovely, we really did have the best toys.

"Wow, GI Joe, thanks uncle Bust!"

Yea well, it's not GI anymore really, it's JUST 'Joe' now. Joe comes with an untucked action polo shirt and jeans. They don't give 'em guns anymore but he come's with a little half handle of vodka and an expression that says he's given up. What else you got kiddo?

"Oh man, a Joe-Car! With real sounds and action! It's a BATTLE TA-"

Eh it's a 2009 Joe-oyta Camry with the 4cyl. The lights tell Joe he needs an oil change and the action is for when he has the vodka it ejects the child seat through the windshield. So.

RandomFerret
Apr 18, 2008

WHAT IS A JUGGALO?
A HULKAMANIAC

HE POWERBOMBS MOTHERFUCKERS INTO THUMBTACKS


"Does it transform?"

Yeah, it transforms into a less-valuable Camry at a rate of 9% per year

Rasta_Al
Jul 14, 2001

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.


Fun Shoe

Transgenders: They’re not girls they’re guys

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Rasta_Al posted:

Transgenders: They’re not girls they’re guys

who is?

Sunswipe
Feb 5, 2016

STILL ANGRY ABOUT CHEESE


Valko posted:

Maybe because the people who name pornos (parodies or not) are as big a fan of puns as british tabloids?

Not these days, it's all "This Ain't [Whatever Pop Culture Thing]!!! A XXX Parody!" Someone on these forums pointed out it's because it's easier to find "Gladiator porn" than try and remember what punny title it had. Glad He Ate Her? Glad He hosed Her? Gladys Ate Ada?

Charles
May 9, 2004

zoom-zoom


Toilet Rascal

Oh yay a dark gritty reboot of a children's cartoon. Very fresh and welcome

The Voice of Labor
Apr 8, 2020



Sunswipe posted:

It's Beast Wars, of course it's stupid.

pointing that out got me a red text at some point in time.

feelix
Nov 27, 2016



I'll watch it right after I finish watching the Castlevania they put out on Netflix

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


Cybertron has climate?

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020




is that dinosaur holding a gold record?

is this what a bebe rexha is? some kind of rapping dinosaur?

The Voice of Labor
Apr 8, 2020



Charles posted:

Oh yay a dark gritty reboot of a children's cartoon. Very fresh and welcome

the transformers prime reboot was kind of dark and gritty too.

the idw comics have always flirted with some degree of darkness/grittiness too, to varying degrees of embarrassing.

you're not wrong, it's just the franchise has been doing that a lot for more than a decade.

oh but seriously I
Sep 26, 2019

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

the porn parody is obviously called "headmasters"

Jaxts
Apr 29, 2008


Isn't this the transformers show that's being produced by Rooster Teeth?

RandomFerret
Apr 18, 2008

WHAT IS A JUGGALO?
A HULKAMANIAC

HE POWERBOMBS MOTHERFUCKERS INTO THUMBTACKS


Prof. Crocodile posted:

is that dinosaur holding a gold record?

Oh, that's the record that was put aboard the Voyager 2 space probe. See, Beast Wars was supposed to take place in the same continuity as the original cartoon, and it turns out that Megatron hijacked the message of peace and welcoming that NASA put on there and embedded a hologram telling the Decepticons where to find Earth, which had rich deposits of raw crystalised energon. Never mind that the Voyager probes launched in 1977, when all the autobots and decepticons were in stasis inside a volcano. Also never mind that everybody on Cybertron already knew where Earth was and in fact the two planets had embassies in the animated movie. Apparently all these functionally immortal robots just forgot all about it in less than one generation.

Okay, so a hundred years later the war is over, cybertron is at peace, and there are no more autobots and decepticons. Now there's an energy crisis that prompts everybody to start making themselves smaller, so now they all turn into animals instead of cool things like giant tanks and poo poo. Tensions are simmering because of the crisis, and that's when Voyager 2 just happens to pass by cybertron. It is discovered by the leader of a small terrorist cell who decodes the message and, realizing what it means, changes his name to Megatron in order to make the timeline more confusing sell more toys honour the original decepticon cause.

The terrorists declare themselves to be Predacons because hasbro already had that name trademarked in the 80s and go to attack Earth. There was only one ship close enough to chase after them, so there's where the good guys in the toyline come from, but when they get near earth oh poo poo there's a technobabble time wave and they crash land on earth millions of years in the past. This fact is the big reveal in the season 2 finale, even though they're clearly surrounded by earth animals the whole time. They scan the surrounding life, the Maximals (good guys) all turn into different mammals because of the previously established rule that the good guys have to turn into lame things like cargo trucks and volkswagens and the Predacons all turn into dinosaurs and giant bugs. Megatron turns into a purple tyrannosaurus with a green belly because the designers were big Barney the dinosaur fans. Eventually the guy that turns into a velociraptor switches sides and steals the gold record even though it's now useless and then dies quoting shakespeare, making him everybody's favourite character.

What I'm saying is transformers already had a dark, gritty CGI animated series with complex storylines back in 1996, and it was loving stupid.

1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


Prof. Crocodile posted:

is that dinosaur holding a gold record?

is this what a bebe rexha is? some kind of rapping dinosaur?

I can’t remember what the exact plot line was in beast wars, but it’s supposed to be the “golden record” from the voyager missions if I remember correctly. https://voyager.jpl.nasa.gov/golden-record/

But I agree that the action figure should come with a kangol hat and clock-chain

E. Wow, should have refreshed before posting

1redflag fucked around with this message at 22:33 on Aug 4, 2020

Charles
May 9, 2004

zoom-zoom


Toilet Rascal

Nerd!!! Actually I want to watch Beast Wars some time because I heard it's good. I watched all the G1 cartoons almost 20 years ago and they were so bad.

Knormal
Nov 11, 2001



Jaxts posted:

Isn't this the transformers show that's being produced by Rooster Teeth?
That's the one.

And to set the record straight Optimus Prime does not have a sex scene.

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020



Ok stop. Hold on. So none of these dinosaurs rap? Is that what you’re telling me?

The Voice of Labor
Apr 8, 2020



Charles posted:

Nerd!!! Actually I want to watch Beast Wars some time because I heard it's good. I watched all the G1 cartoons almost 20 years ago and they were so bad.

there's a real rare exception here and there

https://tfwiki.net/wiki/Webworld

actual good comic book writers occasionally did the script for a bunch of '80's cartoons. the real ghostbusters episodes written by keith giffen and j.m. dematteis are pretty good.

1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


Prof. Crocodile posted:

Ok stop. Hold on. So none of these dinosaurs rap? Is that what you’re telling me?

I had a similar misconception w regards to Jurassic 5

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


RandomFerret posted:

Oh, that's the record that was put aboard the Voyager 2 space probe. See, Beast Wars was supposed to take place in the same continuity as the original cartoon, and it turns out that Megatron hijacked the message of peace and welcoming that NASA put on there and embedded a hologram telling the Decepticons where to find Earth, which had rich deposits of raw crystalised energon. Never mind that the Voyager probes launched in 1977, when all the autobots and decepticons were in stasis inside a volcano. Also never mind that everybody on Cybertron already knew where Earth was and in fact the two planets had embassies in the animated movie. Apparently all these functionally immortal robots just forgot all about it in less than one generation.

Okay, so a hundred years later the war is over, cybertron is at peace, and there are no more autobots and decepticons. Now there's an energy crisis that prompts everybody to start making themselves smaller, so now they all turn into animals instead of cool things like giant tanks and poo poo. Tensions are simmering because of the crisis, and that's when Voyager 2 just happens to pass by cybertron. It is discovered by the leader of a small terrorist cell who decodes the message and, realizing what it means, changes his name to Megatron in order to make the timeline more confusing sell more toys honour the original decepticon cause.

The terrorists declare themselves to be Predacons because hasbro already had that name trademarked in the 80s and go to attack Earth. There was only one ship close enough to chase after them, so there's where the good guys in the toyline come from, but when they get near earth oh poo poo there's a technobabble time wave and they crash land on earth millions of years in the past. This fact is the big reveal in the season 2 finale, even though they're clearly surrounded by earth animals the whole time. They scan the surrounding life, the Maximals (good guys) all turn into different mammals because of the previously established rule that the good guys have to turn into lame things like cargo trucks and volkswagens and the Predacons all turn into dinosaurs and giant bugs. Megatron turns into a purple tyrannosaurus with a green belly because the designers were big Barney the dinosaur fans. Eventually the guy that turns into a velociraptor switches sides and steals the gold record even though it's now useless and then dies quoting shakespeare, making him everybody's favourite character.

What I'm saying is transformers already had a dark, gritty CGI animated series with complex storylines back in 1996, and it was loving stupid.

alright so how much fuckin is there? Robot on robot, dino on dino, robot on dino, all of the above really

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat


Transformers! Suck my poo poo and cry!

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001

Goodnight Moon


Nap Ghost

Big Beef City posted:

alright so how much fuckin is there? Robot on robot, dino on dino, robot on dino, all of the above really

The maniacal Ant transformer believes and calls Megatron his Queen.

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Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat


Transformers! Piss right in my eyes!

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