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Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised




I am probably a hilariously hypocritical case of posting this thread given I'm a pretty bad case of picky eater, but mind you I'm considerably ashamed about it and don't in the slightest expect anyone else to adhere to my desires.

No, this is a thread about people who get really weird, angry and controlling about people not eating exactly what they eat, or just not obeying them at dinner in general. Militant vegans, militant carnivores, hypocritical vegans and carnivores, people who keep the salt and pepper shakers in a cupboard at all times and clearly only bedgrudgingly take them out on request for a guest to season a single plate with and immediately put them away afterwards... you probably know what I mean. Somehow everyone seems to have an experience with someone who gets incredibly, awkwardly and embarrassingly mad that someone else doesn't adhere to their incredibly arbitrary and white food rules. And not just because goons are all fat fucks. Let at it, bitch about these weird fuckers.

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EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!


All Lettuce loving sucks rear end but I will not object to spinach leaves. Am I one of these people who are unreasonably weird about food?

ilovebeersooomuch
May 23, 2014



I like lettuce not just in salads, but also as hand wraps and even in soups. Wonton and dashi based soups with lettuce is delicious.

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004



Lettuce does loving suck, you're right.

kecske
Feb 28, 2011

it's round, like always


choosing to eat any kind of boneless chicken product is a sign of imbalanced humors

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 13 days!


unless you have a medical reason not to eat something you are a stupid, callous gently caress for being a picky eater and I hope you're hit by a god drat bus

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

Forums Rutabaga

if i want to eat i open up a tin of beans in my bunker and eat it with the other end of the can opener (its a spoon/can opener combo tool)

Valko
Sep 17, 2015

FYAAAAAD!!!


Depends on the type of lettuce I suppose. Iceberg totally sucks. Baby gem lettuce is good as are some of the more bitter and peppery ones like rocket.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 13 days!


You know what I like?

I like the core part of a cabbage. The upper part of it is soft and tastes like kohlrabi it's delicious and most people throw that poo poo out. Not me though.

Dear Watson
Jun 25, 2005




Hell Gem

I only eat French fries. They have to be FRESH

Cradle to the Grape
Feb 14, 2011


Adult picky eaters (who have no medical type excuse) are the goddamn worst.

That said, walnuts can gently caress off forever

Starks
Sep 24, 2006



Big Beef City posted:

unless you have a medical reason not to eat something you are a stupid, callous gently caress for being a picky eater and I hope you're hit by a god drat bus

Please explain how refusing to put ketchup on my sunny side up eggs makes me “callous”.

Also I don’t “get” dipping sauce. You already have sauce. It’s on the pizza. People that need to dip their already unhealthy food into a cheaper sauce that is just going to overpower all the flavour are weird. Why do people do this?

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 7 days!


Nap Ghost

I will punch any person who tells me milk is poison. That it's cruel? Ok. But milk is yum yum and my body can digest it. It's a food for me.

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004



Big Beef City posted:

unless you have a medical reason not to eat something you are a stupid, callous gently caress for being a picky eater and I hope you're hit by a god drat bus

as apex predators it is our right to be able to eat whatever we desire, and we can select high calorie or high satisfaction foods at will
unlike scavengers or bottom-feeders who do not have that option

how dare you defy nature

Blockade
Oct 22, 2008



Ill eat anything, food way past its expiration date, covered in weird sauces, fell on the floor, whatever, gently caress it

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011



unironically, picky eaters are just more evolved. probably in all other areas of life too.

eating any old poo poo is a fly's job.

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006


Statistically you'd think that I'd sometimes fluke into typing a decent post. Nah. Only the most tedious, shitty posts, all day every day baby!

Don't bother engaging me, I don't ever get the hints to fuck off.




Big Beef City posted:

unless you have a medical reason not to eat something you are a stupid, callous gently caress for being a picky eater and I hope you're hit by a god drat bus

Is "the food tastes like poo poo from a toilet" a medical reason?

I am Otis
Sep 22, 2003



My dad told me he only drank Bosco chocolate milk till he was 5 or 6. wtf is that? My dad was old, though. I had never heard of it (Old dad goons, dead dad goons)

He pretty much only ate chicken and potatoes my entire life, besides beer and liquor, of course ('holic dad goons, simple meal dad goons)

Unrelated he passed away of a heart attack bc he quit eating for 6 years after mama died. Rip mama (Cool mom goons, dead mom goons)

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 13 days!


Starks posted:

Please explain how refusing to put ketchup on my sunny side up eggs makes me “callous”.

Also I don’t “get” dipping sauce. You already have sauce. It’s on the pizza. People that need to dip their already unhealthy food into a cheaper sauce that is just going to overpower all the flavour are weird. Why do people do this?


GolfHole posted:

as apex predators it is our right to be able to eat whatever we desire, and we can select high calorie or high satisfaction foods at will
unlike scavengers or bottom-feeders who do not have that option

how dare you defy nature


Saint Drogo posted:

unironically, picky eaters are just more evolved. probably in all other areas of life too.


Who What Now posted:

Is "the food tastes like poo poo from a toilet" a medical reason?


All of you gonna get hit by a fuckin bus and I don't even care. Don't come crying to me when your legs pop off and your skulls are crushed or whatever. Bus.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


big beef city is a big beef baby. coincidentally, mmm veal

Starks
Sep 24, 2006



Big Beef City posted:

All of you gonna get hit by a fuckin bus and I don't even care. Don't come crying to me when your legs pop off and your skulls are crushed or whatever. Bus.

So there is literally no food that you won’t eat?

Tiny Bug Child
Sep 11, 2004

Avoid Symmetry, Allow Complexity, Introduce Terror


Saint Drogo posted:

unironically, picky eaters are just more evolved. probably in all other areas of life too.

eating any old poo poo is a fly's job.

picky eater solidarity, picky eater supremacy. why should i go eat a bunch of gross poo poo to try to trick my brain into not thinking it's so gross anymore

empty sea
Jul 17, 2011

gonna saddle my seahorse and float out to the sunset

I have a a co-worker that only has salt and some baking spices in her apartment. I know this because I watched her large pitbull twice. The first time her dog was fine with me and I was there long enough to cook food and find my options terrifyingly slim. The second time he lunged at my face when I tried to feed him and then chased me across her living room and I ran out of there screaming in terror and refused to go back. He's a large dog who has even larger teeth. Those teeth look very impressive at face height, let me loving tell you about it.

I'm not saying the reason that her dog is loving unbalanced and aggressive as poo poo is related to her not eating her food with actual seasonings or condiments, but I'm also not saying it isn't. She's also a sort of aggressive and nitpicky person who eats her food plain to the point where she eats mashed potatoes with just goddamn salt, not even butter.

There's clearly something wrong with her and her dog.

I have a lot of other co-workers who are afraid of heat to the point they avoid even black pepper and my step-sister hates most seasoning but also Alfredo for some unknown reason but also loves olives and I live in constant confusion because how, how the gently caress does that make sense, but none of them own dogs that tried to eat my loving face, so I look down on them less, just a little.

Try a goddamn condiment. Train your loving dog to exist out of your bubble. Neither of those things will kill you.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

OP the food weirdos are taking over your thread! Stop them before they refuse to eat the broccoli!

CynCyanide
Mar 21, 2005

dance, water, dance!

I have a coworker who will not eat any kind of fruit and will tell you about it at length. "It's a texture issue," he claims. Other times he claims it's because he got so excited to meet Goofy at Disney World that he barfed up the pineapple chunks he'd had with breakfast and hasn't been able to eat fruit since. There was a bowl of oranges at an office party once and he cringed away from it like a vampire from the sun. Obviously he's also a big attention whore.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 13 days!


Starks posted:

So there is literally no food that you won’t eat?

none that I'm aware of. There's some I haven't tried yet :/

I obviously like some more than others, but there's nothing I won't try and just don't eat.

Valko
Sep 17, 2015

FYAAAAAD!!!


Jeza posted:

big beef city is a big beef baby. coincidentally, mmm veal

big beef city is unreasonably weird about lots of trivial things.

On topic: There are lots of people who are just as weird about texture regardless of flavour. If I invite my parents over and I'm cooking something like shepards pie I have to leave some potatoes to the side and either boil or roast them. My dad refuses to eat mashed potatoes. He won't eat pasta either but he will eat orzo. Soup has to be chunky too, he won't eat a soup that you could drink from a mug.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

Party Time! Be excellent to each other.



Big Beef City posted:

You know what I like?

I like the core part of a cabbage. The upper part of it is soft and tastes like kohlrabi it's delicious and most people throw that poo poo out. Not me though.

and I love the like raw or cooked (sauteed hopefully) the core or stem part of broccoli way more than the top. Tastes like a delectable radish and kohlrabi mix, just delicious.

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011



Starks posted:

Also I don’t “get” dipping sauce. You already have sauce. It’s on the pizza. People that need to dip their already unhealthy food into a cheaper sauce that is just going to overpower all the flavour are weird. Why do people do this?
we've all eaten enough pizza that the cheese/tomato is just part of the base flavour. that's how the traditional pickled jalapenos & BBQ sauce came about.

e: also, crusts. that's some serious bread to get down with no extras.

Big Beef City posted:

All of you gonna get hit by a fuckin bus and I don't even care. Don't come crying to me when your legs pop off and your skulls are crushed or whatever. Bus.
gently caress. evolution didn't prep us for that one.

Saint Drogo fucked around with this message at 16:49 on Aug 11, 2020

Grevling
Dec 18, 2016



Not only is it alright for me to have the food preferences I have, in fact they make be better than other people.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

I don't care for fennel and will substitute celery when cooking from a recipe that calls for it. If that makes me a fussy child, so be it.

Starks
Sep 24, 2006



Big Beef City posted:

none that I'm aware of. There's some I haven't tried yet :/

I obviously like some more than others, but there's nothing I won't try and just don't eat.

Great! Eat my rear end

kecske
Feb 28, 2011

it's round, like always


at least pick something good to be picky about. eating something that the mcdonalds cabal of burgermancers have engineered to tick the lizard brain boxes of fat, salt, etc isnt good

yikes!
Jul 5, 2006




Soiled Meat

heck of a honeypot, this thread

Biohazard
Apr 17, 2002



Having food preferences is fine. Being a "picky eater" generally means you failed to develop past being a toddler. I had to stop dating a woman in part because she'd only eat the same 3 things, and the whole thing came off as incredibly childish and stupid. I saw no future with her, the same way I see no future with you OP. It's best we go our different ways and remember the good times we had.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007



Im not really a big fan of fish, but I'll eat it for money or fame

Cheesus
Oct 17, 2002

Let us retract the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wirebrush of enlightenment.

Yam Slacker

CynCyanide posted:

I have a coworker who will not eat any kind of fruit and will tell you about it at length. "It's a texture issue," he claims. Other times he claims it's because he got so excited to meet Goofy at Disney World that he barfed up the pineapple chunks he'd had with breakfast and hasn't been able to eat fruit since. There was a bowl of oranges at an office party once and he cringed away from it like a vampire from the sun. Obviously he's also a big attention whore.
You keep writing "he" when talking about my wife.

Even though there are several different textures to raw fruit, mine won't even consider cooked fruit. Like ok, if you're not a fan of raw apples, but apple pie or applesauce?

Having heard this for so many years, my best theory is that "watery wet + sweet" is the offending texture. It's not "dry/milk fatty + sweet" like all of the pastries, candy bars, and ice cream she eats.

Cyril Sneer
Aug 8, 2004

Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyril Sneer. And his life would be simple except for The Raccoons.

- people who order cheese pizza

- people who think tossing a dozen different sauces or conidments on Food X makes it taste better, rather than a disjointed mess

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010


The only reason to not be vegan is you're a selfish person who doesn't care about reducing suffering while saving the planet for future generations

Not sure what category that puts me in OP I'll let you decide

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Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 13 days!


Starks posted:

Great! Eat my rear end

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