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Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007

SomethingAwful's Official Karen





shake weights, twerking, jaw exercises, butt lifts, the shine-o-ballo, missionary position

I don't know how effective this base is for mma but if it is I might have a shot

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CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man




Breakdown: Fight Night Holloway vs Kattar

Weeeee’re back! Once again, despite our strong ethical reservations and loathing for Dana White, we’re back. We have a card to watch., and here I am to break it down for you.



CHECK YOUR LOCAL TIMES FOR THIS CARD THE PRELIMS START AT 11AM CENTRAL IT’S A FIGHT ISLAND THING

Main Card
Featherweight Main Event Max Holloway (-147) vs Calvin Kattar (+137)
Former champion Max “Blessed” Holloway tries to get back onto the winning track after dropping his title and the rematch against Alex Volkanovski in close decisions. Max is the owner of one of the longest winning streaks in the UFC’s history, and he has been around forever despite only being like 28 or something now. He has taken a lot of damage, but he probably still has lots in the tank. Every single one of his fights is good and fun – he’s a well-rounded rangy fighter, though a bit brawly in his striking. Elite XC veteran Kattar on the other hand is a rising star despite being the older fighter. He has an aesthetically pleasing straight boxing style with a nasty inside elbow game to shore it up. Had this fight happened in December, and Kattar won, he would have been perhaps a total lock for breakthrough fighter of the year. This is a good fight from matchmaking, entertainment, divisional relevance, and cool fighters perspectives.

Welterweight Carlos Condit (-162) vs Matt Brown (+148)
This fight has been booked and cancelled almost as many times as Tony vs Khabib, believe it or not. Two of welterweight’s all-time action fighters meet in the twilight of their careers. Condit at his peak was a human chainsaw of a kickboxer who worked with the strategy of “I don’t need defense if I don’t ever stop attacking.” His star peaked with an interim title win over Nick Diaz, and then he took Georges St. Pierre very close to a TKO before the champ recovered and secured his decision. Good times. Since then his career has been a sad mix of injuries and losses. Brown on the other hand was the welterweight Cinderella story. He was a TUF veteran who was putting up losses to grapplers like DHK or Chris Lytle, and wins over guys like Pete Sell. He had a losing record and seemed like he was about to be cut. But then he knocked out a whole bunch of opponents in a row, and even handed Wonderboy his first career loss, somehow. He never got to a title, but he still holds some divisional records for most KOs or finishes, and his fight with Erik Silva is an all-time great. Tune in for the memories, and hope that this match isn’t sad.

Welterweight Santiago Ponzinibbio (-275) vs Li Jingliang (+252)
Ponz has one of the longest active winning streaks at 170, I think only surpassed by Usman and maybe Edwards. He has beaten up and finished lots of dudes with his pretty good boxing and solid power. Why haven’t you heard of him? Well because he hasn’t fought in something like 3 years due to a whole bunch of health disasters including MRSA and covid. Li “The Leech” is a physically imposing Chinese welterweight with striking power and a tenacious submission game, but really no technical excellence to write home about. He’s a noteworthy cheater, so keep an eye out for that (looking at you, Jake Matthews). If Ponz is in top shape, there really should be no way he loses this fight. But who knows what kind of shape he’s in now? He has been out so long that I can imagine him being broken but still fighting just to make some money in a losing effort.

Middleweight Joaquin Buckley (-254)vs Alessio Di Chirico (+226)
Buckley is the spinning kick highlight guy yada yada. He knocked out some corn fed dude in his last fight. Di Chirico is an Italian fighter who started strong in the UFC but has had mixed success since then. You may remember him from his “hibbity bibbity” post-fight interview. Right now he’s on a three-decision losing streak including losses to Kevin Holland and Zak Cummings.

Middleweight Punahele Soriano (+138) vs Dusko Todorovic (-150)
Our first tapology fight of the evening. Todorovic made his debut in October. Then I wrote “Todorovic is an undefeated Serbian and a contender series product making his UFC debut. His wins are mostly stoppages, including a win over Kazuo Takahashi recorded as “Win – Pound – 1:41 – R1” at THE OUTSIDER 51. This is probably an alley-oop for Todorovic.” He won that fight by second round TKO. Soriano is 7-0 and scored a KO on Usman vs Covington. He came in from the contender series with a win over Jamie Pickett, who has since made some waves. This seems like a good fight.

Prelims
Middleweight Phil Hawes (-126) vs Nassourine Imavov (+113)
More tapology middleweights. Hawes is a 9-2 contender series product. His last two fights were KO finishes with less than two minutes sum fight time. Remember back at UFC 254 where that Aussie grappler with 4 fights got loving brutalized? Well Hawes did that. Imavov is “the Russian Sniper,” also 9-2. He made his debut in October, and for that card I wrote “Imavov – 8-2 Russian, UFC debut, looks well rounded.” Well. 9-2 Russian, second UFC fight… looks well rounded.

Bantamweight Wu Yunan vs Joselyne Edwards
Wu “Mulan” Yunan is an 11-3 Chinese fighter who lost to M I Z U K I in 2019. She’s 1-2 in the UFC. Edwards is 9-2 and from Panama. She’s making her UFC debut. I don’t see much of note on her records, but she has a high finishing rate.

Heavyweight Carlose Felipe (-175) vs Justin Tafa (+170)
Felipe is 1-1 in the UFC with a decision loss to Sergey Spivak and a decision win over Yorgan De Castro. For that last fight he was the co main event, and he won, and now he’s buried on the prelims. That right there should tell you how loving bad that fight was. It was one of the worst fights of the year and I should have nominated it for worst fight but I purged it from my memory. He was celebrating as if he had won the title. It was embarrassing. Justin Tafa is the dog here because he has a loss to de Castro, but I think he's a good pick if you’re a gambler. He’s a moustachioed Mark Hunt protégé and he KOed Juan Adams last time out, after showing a much more patient approach.

Welterweight David Zawada (+266) vs Ramazan Emeev (-254)
Zawada is a 1-2 German fighter who finished AbubakarNurmagomedov in November 2019. Emeev is 4-1 UFC with a win over Sam Alvey and a loss to Rocco Martin. All decisions.

Bantamweight Sarah Moras (-214) vs Vanessa Melo (+200)
Moras has been hanging around the bottom of the bantamweight division being a weirdo since 2014. She’s 3-5 in the UFC. She’s probably still here because she’ll just fight whoever and fill in, and she’s Canadian. IDK. She lost a decision to Sijara Eubanks in May. She tends to play high flexibility grappling. Trivia Note: Moras has a win on TUF over “Proud Girl” Tara LaRosa. Melo is 0-3 UFC, all decision losses, including one loss to Irene Aldana.

Featherweight Austin Lingo (-214) vs Jacob Kilburn (+186)
Lingo is a 7-1 American who lost to Youssef Zalal in his lone UFC appearance, in the beforebefore time. Kilburn is an 8-3 American who lost his lone UFC appearance to Billy Quarantillo via triangle choke in 2019.

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






Woah. Holloway is a (slight) betting favorite, and I didn't even know my angry MMA boyfriends Condit and Brown were finally gonna throw down. I don't know how to feel about that! They're both so road-worn now!

Beyond The Ponz vs the Leech, I don't think I recognize a single name on this card. Not even the women (I might have heard the name Sarah Moras before, but I couldn't tell you what she looks like without a Google search).

Snowman_McK
Jan 31, 2010
ASK ME ABOUT MY SELF-PUBLISHED WARHAMMER FANFICTION AND MY KNIFE COLLECTION



Fiziev is my new fighter that I have decided will be champ and I will be ignoring any and all proof that he won't be.

If anyone somehow missed his fight with Diakiase, go watch it now. Also watch his fight with Alex White to appreciate how well Diakase actually did.

Screama
Nov 25, 2007
Yes, I am very cereal.

Lol that they're putting Buckley in with a guy on a 3 fight skid. Hype train must keep rolling.

I'll be cheering for Condit, but both him and Brown should retire...again.

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man




Dirt Road Junglist posted:

Woah. Holloway is a (slight) betting favorite, and I didn't even know my angry MMA boyfriends Condit and Brown were finally gonna throw down. I don't know how to feel about that! They're both so road-worn now!

Beyond The Ponz vs the Leech, I don't think I recognize a single name on this card. Not even the women (I might have heard the name Sarah Moras before, but I couldn't tell you what she looks like without a Google search).

Sarah "Cheesecake" Moras is a goofy-looking Canadian with curly blonde hair and a substantial lower body. She made it to the semifinals on the original women's TUF which Juliana Pena won.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


Moras vs Dufrense was a great example of "takedowns are meaningless if you don't do anything with them"

It also resulted in one of the best scorecard reaction faces

moctopus
Nov 28, 2005



Did this already get posted? Its good news.

"UFC anti-doping policy changes stance on marijuana; positive test no longer violation"

https://mmajunkie.usatoday.com/2021/01/ufc-usada-declare-marijuana-no-longer-violates-anti-doping-policy

G-Hawk
Dec 15, 2003



moctopus posted:

Did this already get posted? Its good news.

"UFC anti-doping policy changes stance on marijuana; positive test no longer violation"

https://mmajunkie.usatoday.com/2021/01/ufc-usada-declare-marijuana-no-longer-violates-anti-doping-policy

the diaz brothers are BACK

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

Lipstick Apathy

LobsterMobster posted:

he looks like he's in the best loving shape of his life

NObodyNOWHERE
Apr 24, 2007

Now we are all sons of bitches.


Hell Gem

Oh yeah Ryan Hall vs. Dan Ige is on for a Fight Night on March 13th. Get the gently caress in.

Southpaugh
May 26, 2007

Smokey Bacon




G-Hawk posted:

the diaz brothers are BACK

Lets get retroactive fellas. Drop them NCs.

mewse
May 2, 2006




I was looking at onlyfans, uh, for a friend? anyway diego sanchez has an onlyfans

Brut
Aug 21, 2007

Герой Советского Союза



Diego Sanchez is definitely weird enough to use Onlyfans for non-porn purposes.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


Fizzy is too elusive to be caught being horny

https://twitter.com/RafaelFiziev/status/1349942607091298308?s=19

Zzulu
May 15, 2009


Screama posted:

Lol that they're putting Buckley in with a guy on a 3 fight skid. Hype train must keep rolling.

I'll be cheering for Condit, but both him and Brown should retire...again.

Let the old and busted fight eachother tbh. As long as the fights are fun why not

double negative
Jul 7, 2003




Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

Lipstick Apathy

That quote from the Chapo book?

double negative
Jul 7, 2003




Eat This Glob posted:

That quote from the Chapo book?

an entirely unironic opening quote from an atlantic article about the storming of the capitol

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

Lipstick Apathy

hahahahha holy poo poo. it sounded like felix beiderman to me.

....poo poo, i think it is time to rewatch "fighting in the age of loneliness"

piratepilates
Mar 28, 2004

So I will learn to live with it. Because I can live with it. I can live with it.





Eat This Glob posted:

hahahahha holy poo poo. it sounded like felix beiderman to me.

....poo poo, i think it is time to rewatch "fighting in the age of loneliness"

And if anyone hasn't watched it yet, shut up and loving watch it.

It's now available in a convenient feature length version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DoaUyMGPWI#t=5537s

Josuke Higashikata
Mar 7, 2013




All those drugs are making Conor age like milk. Dude looks nearer 40 than 30. (He's 32)

Radical 90s Wizard
Aug 5, 2008

~SS-18 burning bright,
Bathe me in your cleansing light~


Screama posted:



I'll be cheering for Condit, but both him and Brown should retire...again.

Yea I kiiiinda wanna watch this fight, but it makes me really sad for both of them

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

Lipstick Apathy

piratepilates posted:

And if anyone hasn't watched it yet, shut up and loving watch it.

It's now available in a convenient feature length version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DoaUyMGPWI#t=5537s

for real

and shout out for posting the supercut. i was glad to how found it myself today when i went looking for the doc this morning

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man




Is there new content in the supercut? Because I watched that poo poo style when it first came out

Southpaugh
May 26, 2007

Smokey Bacon




Josuke Higashikata posted:

All those drugs are making Conor age like milk. Dude looks nearer 40 than 30. (He's 32)

That fleshy thick skinned face he has is a working class dublin perennial, but yeah you can see the rampant drug use is starting to take its toll. Its the drink.

Gumball Gumption
Jan 7, 2012

GET BACK UP

His eyes just don't look right.

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

Lipstick Apathy

CommonShore posted:

Is there new content in the supercut? Because I watched that poo poo style when it first came out

nah, just the episodes in order movie style

Snowman_McK
Jan 31, 2010
ASK ME ABOUT MY SELF-PUBLISHED WARHAMMER FANFICTION AND MY KNIFE COLLECTION


Southpaugh posted:

That fleshy thick skinned face he has is a working class dublin perennial, but yeah you can see the rampant drug use is starting to take its toll. Its the drink.

Considering he looked like the sexy bassist of an indy band when when he first started fighting, it's appropriate that he's aging as well as sexy bassists of indy bands do.

leftist heap
Feb 28, 2013



Fun Shoe

i'm gonna need someone to quantify his current Sexual Market Value for me

ccubed
Jul 14, 2016


Is the UFC on Saturday really starting at 9am PST?

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man




ccubed posted:

Is the UFC on Saturday really starting at 9am PST?

The prelims, yes. it's an oddly timed fight island card. Get up, make yourself a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee, and enjoy having a whole day after the fights end.

Brut
Aug 21, 2007

Герой Советского Союза



ccubed posted:

Is the UFC on Saturday really starting at 9am PST?

Ah gently caress, thank you for this! I forgot to click to prelims off the main card when googling "ufc time", I thought we're starting 3 hours later.

Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

There's a ghost in me
Who wants to say I'm sorry
Doesn't mean I'm sorry






Josuke Higashikata posted:

All those drugs are making Conor age like milk. Dude looks nearer 40 than 30. (He's 32)

War Diamond.

piratepilates
Mar 28, 2004

So I will learn to live with it. Because I can live with it. I can live with it.





what the hell khabib

https://twitter.com/arielhelwani/status/1350430678509363209

Nothing But Hate
Oct 7, 2006
When night falls, she covers the world, in impenetrable darkness



So Poirier vs McGregor wil be for the belt?

Brut
Aug 21, 2007

Герой Советского Союза



GDT CLICK HERE FIGHTS STARTED

edit: lmao I assumed fights started, they have not. Hooker/Felder talking a lot, Matt Brown interview, and more Hooker/Felder.

Brut fucked around with this message at 17:25 on Jan 16, 2021

Duzzy Funlop
Jan 13, 2010


We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.



Jesus Christ

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


While we wait for the Best & Worst of 2021 thread, I want to note these things from today's event:

Performance of the Year - Max Holloway vs Calvin Kattar

Insult/Trash Talk of the Year - Max Holloway saying "oh, I'm a freshman?" (referencing Kattar saing that he's a senior when it comes to boxing and Max is a freshman), in the 5th round while dodging punches

Could make an argument for Joaquin Buckley to be overhyped underperforming for losing by KO to a guy on a three fight losing skid, but ehhh

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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Yeah, when the 2021 MOTY thread is up Holloway/Kattar is going in as Fight of Year, Fight Where We The Viewers Are The Winner, and whatever other categories I can fit it into.

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