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Flannelette
Jan 16, 2010




nunsexmonkrock posted:

gently caress that noise. Get a Sybian:




"It's just a back massager, for my freakishly deformed back or something"
Much harder to explain

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Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Lower back massager

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

Literally A Person posted:

Would it be uncouth to use the term box score?

no that would be incredibly couth

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019





Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

sex is like... is like... a videogame

this thread is about a literal sex joystick

Literally A Person
May 17, 2017

dissin your fly girl


Spinz posted:

Ha thread getting good now

I would never use one of those things because yeah guy dick would not cut it afterward

This is a weird take too. We totally have a wand massager but we still both have great orgasms from intercourse. It's just a sex toy. Frankly there is no replacement for flesh be it a tongue, a wang, or a forearm.

Talkc
Aug 2, 2010

Mizuki! Mizuki! Mizuki!
***DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME***

MiracleFlare posted:

One day I was binging through videos of a person who does weird projects at home, usually making knives out of esoteric materials. In one video they did an intermission where they made themself breakfast, and while their omelette was cooking they suddenly whipped out what looked like a magic wand and ran it against the pan. There was no explanation for this. I can only assume it shook out air bubbles or something.


Im pretty sure thats Kiwami Japan on youtube. Dude's videos run the line from "oh poo poo dude does some amazing home chemistry" to "holy poo poo theres a serial killer just biding their time in Japan". He either has an absolutely amazingly grimdark sense of humor or is wearing people as suits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_rZuncmipM#t=559s

( Timestamped featuring the Subject matter of the thread )

Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019
Probation
Can't post for 51 minutes!


Yes yes but where is the Men's Hitachi magic wand, which is the same thing but in camo, and has a strong man on the box?

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

I kind of want it.
Good Enough!




Ventral EggSac posted:

Yes yes but where is the Men's Hitachi magic wand, which is the same thing but in camo, and has a strong man on the box?

Klyith posted:

They did, but it was only available with the Heavy Duty model:


Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019
Probation
Can't post for 51 minutes!



Good, the green is a bit on the light side but I can use this while maintaining my masculinity.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

You can't call it a wand, that's unmanly. Maybe Prostate Destroyer, in camo, with a pistol grip

Ventral EggSac
Dec 3, 2019
Probation
Can't post for 51 minutes!


Can I get a bump stock for my Prostate Destroyer?

Empty Sandwich
Apr 22, 2008

goatse mugs

Hitachi Rod of Lordly Might

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


Klyith posted:

You can't surprise yourself, and without some element of surprise or novelty everything gets boring, eventually.


That leads to seeking external sources of novelty to surprise yourself, and pretty soon you're looking at

and saying "this snake girl hentai just isn't doing it anymore, I need something weirder".

Literally A Person
May 17, 2017

dissin your fly girl


Colonel Cancer posted:

You can't call it a wand, that's unmanly. Maybe Prostate Destroyer, in camo, with a pistol grip

Tactical Prostate Destroyer.

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

you can call
but I seldom answer after all




Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

sex is like... is like... a videogame


Bad Purchase posted:

this thread is about a literal sex joystick

my magic wand has RGB lighting and I've replaced the switches and buttons with real sanwa hardware for that authentic arcade feel

Empty Sandwich
Apr 22, 2008

goatse mugs

Hitachi Staff Mace +2
Hitachi Apparatus of Kwalish
Hitachi Backbiter Spear (cursed)

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Hitachi Holey Avenger

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

I kind of want it.
Good Enough!




Hitachi Rod of Sounding

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

sex is like... is like... a videogame

Here in Duckberg

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015



Grab a couple of extension cords and play hitachi ping pong to up the difficulty.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003




DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Here in Duckberg

dildos, strapons, squarely veined,

it's a
gently caress blur

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




Waterbed Wendy posted:

gonna ride the pelvic waters but first i must awaken this on-board motor apblpblbplbplb aplblbplb apblblbplbb abplbpblblpblbpblbpbpbpblbplblbblbpblbpbbplbpbblblpbblbpbpbp etc

drat this may be the hottest thing I've ever read in my life wow

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

I saw when the cocktail waitress opened the sixth bottle, and there was a great beach theme night; and the sun became black as Goon Lust, and the whole moon became as blush.

Literally A Person posted:

This is a weird take too. We totally have a wand massager but we still both have great orgasms from intercourse. It's just a sex toy. Frankly there is no replacement for flesh be it a tongue, a wang, or a forearm.

I have read where women say it's harder to get off from regular stimulation after using a vibrator regularly. To me it sounded logical. I'm glad it works for you it doesn't make my take weird.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


Nothing will replace actual sex until we have full on holodecks or android sexbots. Everything else is just increasingly "ok" substitution.

MiracleFlare
Mar 27, 2012


Talkc posted:

Im pretty sure thats Kiwami Japan on youtube. Dude's videos run the line from "oh poo poo dude does some amazing home chemistry" to "holy poo poo theres a serial killer just biding their time in Japan". He either has an absolutely amazingly grimdark sense of humor or is wearing people as suits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_rZuncmipM#t=559s

( Timestamped featuring the Subject matter of the thread )

That's the guy! Yeah, I like most of the videos (which I think might be on another channel? Youtube is weird) because it's neat to see what goes into making a relatively stable knife out of ice or jello or pasta, and the resin knife was great. But then there's videos where they turn nail clippings into jewelry and I have to wonder how a person gets to that point in their life

Back on topic I was thinking of another video with scrambled eggs, but I guess I didn't watch this one because I don't remember the vibrating knife sharpener

edit because I remembered the video I saw now, it was a candy knife. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNP15d-cgu8#t=525s

MiracleFlare fucked around with this message at 20:37 on Apr 12, 2021

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

I kind of want it.
Good Enough!




Just got wand in the mail and upon wifes first time turning it on to see how strong it was, it "terrifies" her. So may just be too strong for her to use and I will avoid being replaced by it.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

The last words of a doomed man

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





Meme Poker Party posted:

Nothing will replace actual sex until we have full on holodecks or android sexbots. Everything else is just increasingly "ok" substitution.

Haha wow it would be funny if there were a lamia option, just for laughs haha.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




Zil posted:

Just got wand in the mail and upon wifes first time turning it on to see how strong it was, it "terrifies" her. So may just be too strong for her to use and I will avoid being replaced by it.

"Oh. No. This is just TOO much. Whatever will I do. Now?"

*Changes locks on the doors*

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Haha wow it would be funny if there were a lamia option, just for laughs haha.

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

Literally A Person posted:

This is a weird take too. We totally have a wand massager but we still both have great orgasms from intercourse. It's just a sex toy. Frankly there is no replacement for flesh be it a tongue, a wang, or a forearm.

Are you suggesting I jam a magic wand into 3 pounds of ground beef or...?

Literally A Person
May 17, 2017

dissin your fly girl


Weka posted:

Are you suggesting I jam a magic wand into 3 pounds of ground beef or...?

1.5 beef, 1.5 ground turkey. Keeps it healthy.

Best Bi Geek Squid
Mar 25, 2016


Abra kadabra! With this magic wand, I will make your sex life, and marriage...disappear!

Talkc
Aug 2, 2010

Mizuki! Mizuki! Mizuki!
***DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME***

The idea of a vibrator replacing your partner in the bedroom is hilarious to me. Like grade "A" Choice Ted Cruz waging legal battles against dildos and masturbation cis hetero awkwardness.

Sorry kids your dad was replaced by a wand vibrator, 25 minutes of precious alone time, and a fondness for a Properties Brother.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


Talkc posted:

The idea of a vibrator replacing your partner in the bedroom is hilarious to me.

No but you see they cum faster with it! It is well known by all experienced sex havers that the most coveted sexual experience is the kind that is over really quickly. The faster the cum, the better. This is what human beings who have sex want.

Talkc
Aug 2, 2010

Mizuki! Mizuki! Mizuki!
***DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME***

Meme Poker Party posted:

No but you see they cum faster with it! It is well known by all experienced sex havers that the most coveted sexual experience is the kind that is over really quickly. The faster the cum, the better. This is what human beings who have sex want.

Quietly shuffles a non descript piece of paper into the Pictionary hat.

On it is written a single word in harsh lined sharpie.

"EDGING"

The fabric of nuclear society unfolds like paper on board game night.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




Meme Poker Party posted:

No but you see they cum faster with it! It is well known by all experienced sex havers that the most coveted sexual experience is the kind that is over really quickly. The faster the cum, the better. This is what human beings who have sex want.

100% this.
If prefer my partner is done before I even get there to be honest

Derpies
Mar 10, 2014

BORN TO AWOO
WORLD IS A TUG
Squatch Em All 1989
I am trash poster
42,069 DEAD WOLFGIRLS




Meme Poker Party posted:

No but you see they cum faster with it! It is well known by all experienced sex havers that the most coveted sexual experience is the kind that is over really quickly. The faster the cum, the better. This is what human beings who have sex want.

It's like people don't realize tuggin isn't actually a replacement how human and lamia contact, but merely training

AmbassadorofSodomy
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!


Hitachi magic wand for men:

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1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


AmbassadorofSodomy posted:

Hitachi magic wand for men:


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