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HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





The Exorcist Bishop Bryan Ouellette, ladies, and gentlemen.



The first time I heard of this guy was when my chud cousin made me sit through an episode of this bullshit paranormal show called Ghost Adventures. The show consisted of performing an exorcism on a man in his living room because he was possessed by a demon who looked like a little girl.



Thanks to the pandemic, the bishop hasn't had many chances to earn talent fees appearing on Ghost Adventures. In the meantime, he holds mass every Saturday night in his basement and posts a weekly call-in show live on youtube where he talks about godly topics like the real reason we were forced through a lockdown last year was so we didn't notice the aliens visiting Earth. His church website gift shop offers blessing kits, glow-in-the-dark rosaries, and exorcist blend tea.

Ever since facebook put him in facebook jail because he posted a picture of Hitler on his profile he decided to abandon mainstream social media and start his own. It's full of people chatting about the paranormal, aliens, and plenty of anti-masker QAnon bullshit.

More recently, Bishop Bryan Oullette has become pretty fed up that the pandemic is keeping us from seeing the aliens and exorcising demons. He's taking drastic steps to make it end.

https://twitter.com/ExorcistBishop/status/1386165408261197824

https://twitter.com/ExorcistBishop/status/1386852671139819520

Last week he decided to get his flock involved in ensuring the pandemic ends before his New Year's Eve Las Vegas holiday and he doesn't have to waste his $260 bottle of Elijah Craig

https://twitter.com/ExorcistBishop/status/1387604757368410114

Why did I spend a perfectly good Saturday morning typing this garbage up? Because the exorcist bishop needs your help! He needs everyone to visualize the pandemic ending before New Year's Eve at 3:00 PM every day until May 4th.

So, will you help?

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Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Smash the bottle!

Gumball Gumption
Jan 7, 2012

GET BACK UP

We should think the opposite together to counter him and piss him off

Gumball Gumption
Jan 7, 2012

GET BACK UP

Smash the bottle bishop

Gazpacho
Jun 18, 2004

NUKE THEIR ASS
TAKE THEIR GAS


Slippery Tilde

disappointed that this thread isn't about bishop the aliens robot

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





Gazpacho posted:

disappointed that this thread isn't about bishop the aliens robot

Agreed, I would meditate for the rest of my life it saved his bottle of bourbon



Instead, this is the bishop who we're talking about. He performs the mass in his basement.



SMILLENNIALSMILLEN
Jun 26, 2009





did it relaly take you all morning to write the op

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





SMILLENNIALSMILLEN posted:

did it relaly take you all morning to write the op

yes







































no

Venomous
Nov 7, 2011







IMDB posted:

While Bishop Ouellette was a seminarian with the Roman Catholic Church for a short time, he was ordained after affiliating with the Independent Sacramental Movement, which is home to numerous independent Catholic Churches that are not in union with the Vatican, but are still considered Sacramentally valid.

lmao, I was wondering how the church gave him a diocese. Turns out they didn't lmaooooooooo

then again, it's not too surprising that a fake bishop would be into fake paranormal bullshit

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





Venomous posted:

lmao, I was wondering how the church gave him a diocese. Turns out they didn't lmaooooooooo

then again, it's not too surprising that a fake bishop would be into fake paranormal bullshit

Church membership consists of himself and the two women you see in the videos with him performing mass in the basement. And then there are the 20 or so people who watch his mass live on Youtube.

etalian
Mar 20, 2006



HUGE PUBES A PLUS posted:

Church membership consists of himself and the two women you see in the videos with him performing mass in the basement. And then there are the 20 or so people who watch his mass live on Youtube.

if you mixed the goon lifestyle with going to church

Elephanthead
Sep 11, 2008




Toilet Rascal

beating the bishop as often as I can

babypolis
Nov 4, 2009

its a hogspiracy

i definitely read the title as being about two very different kinds of "smashing" and "bourbon"

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





babypolis posted:

i definitely read the title as being about two very different kinds of "smashing" and "bourbon"

He means smash the bottle and waste perfectly good bourbon.

Basement church has started.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npGdo5fTTAA

Atrocious Joe
Sep 2, 2011

I'll leave the past in the past, tomorrow's not promised
And today's just an anime titty I guess that's why it's the present







i'm not a goon, i'm simply building on the sensibilities of desert father monasticism

quote:

We are an esoteric contemplative Christian community built upon the sensibilities of early Christian theological diversity and “desert father monasticism.” Having established a non-dogmatic approach toward Christian doctrine, our tradition maintains a continued respect for all spiritualities and religions. We preserve the Catholic mysteries contained within the seven sacraments of the Church through the integration of the twenty-one lines of apostolic succession held by our autocephalous Patriarch and Presiding Bishop, Patriarch Nicholas III in mundo +Bryan D. Ouellette, Ph.D., SOSM.

Ours is an unconventional, true monastic Church, preserving the spirit of Roman Catholicism by operating behind the inner-most cloister of the tabernacle of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

https://esotericcatholic.org/

Atrocious Joe
Sep 2, 2011

I'll leave the past in the past, tomorrow's not promised
And today's just an anime titty I guess that's why it's the present







https://orderofexorcistsatlanta.wordpress.com/

quote:

Please note that while we are currently assessing new cases for production, we are not accepting new private demonic/paranormal investigation cases at this time due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Please follow the bishop on Twitter @exorcistbishop for announcements as to when this outreach ministry will resume.

wtf is this

I think demonic possession is at least as serious as COVID-19.

here are their exorcist licenses

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





Today's homily at Basement Church is supposed to be from the gospel of John but there's been a long tirade about Adam's fall and that the Jewish and Pagan version of hell is flawed because they don't have original sin. Also, salvation is freedom, and that makes the gubberment Satan.


It all goes back to that doomed bottle of bourbon

etalian
Mar 20, 2006



it's not a real catholic parish unless it has at least one sex abuse scandal in the works.

Private Cumshoe
Feb 15, 2019


I thought it was funny when Christians were all up in arms about churches closing for lockdown but liquor stores could remain open it's like drat, are you gonna give alcoholics some of the communion wine you got stored in there or do you want them to die?

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





He's ending basement church tonight begging for money and please buy the blessing kits on the website we need cash.

mark immune
Dec 14, 2019



HUGE PUBES A PLUS posted:

He's ending basement church tonight begging for money and please buy the blessing kits on the website we need cash.



sell ur fancy hat then bitch

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN
Jun 26, 2009





HUGE PUBES A PLUS posted:

He's ending basement church tonight begging for money and please buy the blessing kits on the website we need cash.



the skull makes me think this is all happenin in the basement of a townhouse he shares with davis aurini and ive just created the buddy comedy youre all going to love in 20222

Good soup!
Nov 1, 2010



SPOOOOOOOKY!!!!!!

Atrocious Joe
Sep 2, 2011

I'll leave the past in the past, tomorrow's not promised
And today's just an anime titty I guess that's why it's the present








+BRYAN D. OUELLETTE, PH.D., SOSM is a semi-retired bi-ritual autocephalous eastern Orthodox/western Catholic bishop and exorcist for the Old Roman Catholic Sacred Order of St. Michael the Archangel (Order of Exorcists) also currently offering private instruction in Gedo Zen, meditation, mysticism, prayer, and Christian esotericism.

Through the process of exploring several Roman Catholic contemplative religious orders (focusing primarily on the Cistercians and the Carthusians), he decided upon pastoral ministry and was accepted by the Roman Catholic Diocese of Palm Beach, Florida. There, he entered seminary to become a priest. Within a very short period of time, however, he discovered irreconcilable spiritual corruptions within the program and left to pursue his education privately. During his undergraduate studies, and in order to supplement his training outside of seminary, he was privately mentored in Catholic theology for many years by a Pastor Emeritus of the Diocese of Philadelphia.

After completing his degree in psychology, he worked in a multitude of clinical facilities, managing the care of clients suffering from schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and traumatic brain injury, before designing a successful compilation of primary prevention methodologies targeting at-risk children and teenagers. During this time, he also completed post-graduate work in Education, Philosophy and Metaphysical Science, through which he received his ministerial doctorate and attained to the title of Metaphysician for the International Metaphysical Ministry.

After many years exploring different religions, while holding a particular emphasis on Buddhism, he advanced in spiritual skill. He soon after realized that it would be impossible to accomplish his vocation within the limitations imposed on him by the Roman Catholic Church, which often restricted him to serving only Roman Catholic members through the lens of Roman Catholic dogma. He then found it necessary to enter into the Independent Sacramental Movement and work his way through independent Catholic ministry, ultimately being Consecrated by his bishop under the traditions of the Eastern Church. Soon after, he was appointed by his congregation to serve as Patriarch of both the Holy Nicholean Catholic Church (the western arm) and the Holy Imperial Russian Orthodox Church (the eastern arm). In this time, he also sat on numerous private boards, worked to resolve inner-city adolescent homelessness, and became an accomplished instrument-rated pilot.

Through his commitment to the clerical life, Bishop Ouellette has brought the theological diversity of the early Church to our contemporary world. Formulating a specific praxis, he has established programs for his monks, clergy, and students that offer a direct and tangible relationship with God, one that is based primarily on experience rather than on a faith in what is often left to unjustified speculation.

Bishop Ouellette is a modern, revolutionary Catholic bishop with an unyielding respect for ancient tradition; yet, he advocates strongly for the evolution of the Church and for that of spirituality itself. He has been featured on Travel Channel’s Ghost Adventures, in Rolling Stone magazine and presently holds the Office of Patriarch for the esoteric religious organizations: the Holy Nicholean Catholic and the Holy Imperial Russian Orthodox Churches. These Churches function internally, behind the Christian cloister, hidden far away within the heart of contemplative monasticism.
https://orderofexorcistsatlanta.wordpress.com/our-team/

Smythe
Oct 12, 2003

no meds = f4

dumbass bitch

Private Cumshoe
Feb 15, 2019


I'm the president of the religious poo poo that's so loving esoteric you can't question anything about it, assholes

Atrocious Joe
Sep 2, 2011

I'll leave the past in the past, tomorrow's not promised
And today's just an anime titty I guess that's why it's the present







I have studied metaphysics and the Western Tradition for several years. I have also been apprenticed to a Huichol shaman for 12 years. What I haven't experienced was a connection to the God/Goddess. I didn't "believe" any of the traditions I've tried to immerse myself in. Then I saw several episodes of "Ghost Adventures" where Bishop Bryan (I've forgotten the correct spelling of his last name) and Sister MaryJoan do exorcisms and house clearings. What struck me was the Holy Nocholean Church is a break-away Church from the main Roman Catholic Church and that it has incorporated metaphysics and the paranormal in it's belief system. I hope that I have finally found a spiritual home where I can incorporate my stubborn core belief in Christianity and the magical traditions I have studied.

F Stop Fitzgerald
Dec 11, 2010



thats chris cillizza

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





F Stop Fitzgerald posted:

thats chris cillizza

You're not the first to think that.

From his personal social media:



Good for him

etalian
Mar 20, 2006



He actually got into this trade after seeing the famous "ghost blowjob" scene from the ghostbusters movie.

Shear Modulus
Jun 9, 2010






impostor bishop, unsanctioned by the church and caught on video not moving diagonally

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





IT'S WORKING GOOD JOB EVERYBODY



https://nicholean.mn.co/posts/13914862?utm_source=manual

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





The Bishop's weekly paranormal call-in show is about to start.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXPmojWXOdc

You can hear him mumbling to himself as he gets ready

HUGE PUBES A PLUS has issued a correction as of 23:56 on May 4, 2021

Atrocious Joe
Sep 2, 2011

I'll leave the past in the past, tomorrow's not promised
And today's just an anime titty I guess that's why it's the present







Does he give advice for getting rid of ghosts and demons

I want a more DIY paranormal show

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





hard to say. few weeks ago he went off on a tirade about how the pandemic lockdown was forced on us because the aliens arrived and the government wanted us inside so we didn't notice.

last week he talked about Gnostism and false gods.

people do call in though and talk about their houses being haunted and could it be a demon?

Atrocious Joe
Sep 2, 2011

I'll leave the past in the past, tomorrow's not promised
And today's just an anime titty I guess that's why it's the present







The Church pays $100 a month for the switchboard, so the Bishop is asking people to call in

HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





they have to get their money's worth. he's really pushing people to call in

Smythe
Oct 12, 2003

no meds = f4

Atrocious Joe posted:

The Church pays $100 a month for the switchboard, so the Bishop is asking people to call in

Didnt know Vonage Business gave faith org discounts.

Atrocious Joe
Sep 2, 2011

I'll leave the past in the past, tomorrow's not promised
And today's just an anime titty I guess that's why it's the present







I was expecting ghosts stories, instead they're just talking about the timeline of the Empire Strikes Back and how Star Wars flows better if you read all of the books.

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HUGE PUBES A PLUS
Apr 30, 2005





they have to fill time up talking about something.

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