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YaketySass posted:Also that makes the Satous just as bad as Shizune's dad, loving off to the other side of the world and leaving a disabled child in the care of a 19 y.o. just starting law school. And then acting like they can just get them back when it's convenient. They're very lucky that Akira and Lilly aren't in much worse shape, psychologically or otherwise. It's true, but we do need to take into account the source of this information. Akira is far from unbiased on this topic. Were their parents right to leave Lilly behind in Akira's care? I don't think so; it doesn't seem like a very good decision for either the short term or the long. They could have at least hired some people to potentially help Akira around the household and so Lilly wouldn't have been left alone so often. But I also have my doubts that their intentions were as malicious as Akira makes them out to be. Parents are people too, and people do make mistakes.
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Feb 17, 2022 00:56
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They likely weren't malicious. Just oblivious and incompetent parents, acting in the way they perceived their social world to expect them to act. In their minds they likely chose the best path for the kids (which just "coincidentally" happened to be the easiest path for themselves) by letting them stay in the country they had grown up in and giving the adult child the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Combine that with the prospect of a fuckton of money being balanced on the weight-scales of their decision making and they likely felt they had no other choice. Leaving the money option behind was probably never even considered.
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Feb 17, 2022 08:00
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Yeah, but there's "do this as it's needed," and "leave our inconvenient daughter there for 6+ years." (Did Lilly even get to visit them before her aunt keeled over?) Sufficiently advanced apathy is indistinguishable from malice. I think this is the biggest case of ableism we've seen. Jigoro was an rear end, but he's an rear end to everyone, and Shizune in particular.
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Feb 18, 2022 06:06
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On one hand, I keep thinking that if they hate Jigoro then Lily's parents have at least one redeeming quality. Then again, if there someone that would utterly hate Jigoro is Jigoro himself, so there's an high chance Lily's dad* is the older/younger brother* model of Jigoro. *or mom/sister, I don't remember who was the blood relative there.
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Feb 18, 2022 07:09
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I had a partial summary of some scenes from the leaked alpha script but hadn't finished it, partly because I wasn't sure if a deep analysis of it was a good idea given that it was never meant to be seen by the public, partly because Hanako's scenes are so sensitive and potentially triggering that I don't feel qualified to cover them, and partly because I didn't and still don't have the time to do a full reading of the scripts. But what Akira said here, along with all the discussion about it, really reminds me of what I did manage to finish writing.Falconier111 posted:
So... Guess I'm gonna post it anyway! Disclaimer, I don't remember when or where I got these scripts from, and I'm viewing them directly through a Ren'Py script viewer/editor that I downloaded nearly a decade ago and then never updated. I believe there have been fan attempts to put these files into a VN format, but I don't know where those projects are or how far they've gotten. Personally I'm fine having just the script files, and it makes it easier for me to copy text anyway. Content warning going forward for discussion of ableism, child abuse, homophobia, and suicide, though the latter two are not the main focus of this writing. Spoiler bars pertain to either suicide or intense ableism. In the earlier draft, Misha has a scene in her point-of-view that shows her going out shopping with Shizune, shortly before her suicide. I'd rather focus more on Misha's introspection beforehand, as she thinks about how she and Shizune have ended up where they were. For one thing, Misha says this about why she applied to Yamaku: script-a3-shizune.rpy, label en_S30 posted:MISHA, NARRATING: Shicchan once told me that she doesn't like Yamaku because it's where parents send the kids they are ashamed of. It's true, Shicchan. I'm one of those children nobody wants. I have always been bullied, because I'm different. Isn't that something that I can't change? I'm really sorry. The things that are wrong with me, I can't change. Not enough was wrong with me that I could get into Yamaku, so I had to make up a lie, that I wanted to be a sign language teacher. I don't like to lie, but the person I am now is a big liar, so… Shicchan, I wanted to talk to you, so I learned sign language, even though I wasn't very good at it, and I'm forgetful. You told me that a human being doesn't need a meaning, or a purpose, or respect; those can all be gained if you work hard enough. I'll really become one; a sign language teacher. If I'm something, then I'll be a real person to you, right, Shicchan? Unpacking this from the bottom up... the idea of Misha becoming a teacher solely to impress one person is pretty blech... I like that in the final draft she instead takes the work seriously enough to seek out tutoring so she can study overseas, following a better goal than pining after Shizune and even making plans that would put distance between them. I could even understand if some of this early draft still remained in Misha's final character, if she'd initially lied but underwent all this development from the game so that she came to genuinely love the language and community instead of using it as an escape from her misery. Which brings us to her not directly stating whatever it is she "can't change" about herself that attracted bullies. The most common assumption among fans is that she means her sexuality, and I feel that might've been the writer's intended meaning too. However, with all the discussion here of how Misha reads as neurodivergent, I think that there's a strong argument that that could've also played a role, especially if she's never been formally diagnosed and only lived under labels like weirdo or trouble-maker or idiot. That last one in particular comes up when in Act 2 after she visits her family off-screen: script-a2-shizune.rpy, label en_S18 posted:MISHA: In a really short time, Hicchan, you managed to learn how to sign. I think… we are equal now, in that. Do you know how long I've been trying to learn how to sign, Hicchan? And how much farther I still have to go? Even now, I forget some things sometimes, if I am not signing constantly. Hicchan, did you notice? I'm not doing it right now. And finally, there's her repeating something that Shizune told her. Technically, she's actually repeating something that Shizune told Hisao who in turn told Misha, though I could see Shizune discussing this with her off-screen or prior to the game. script-a3-shizune.rpy, label en_S28 posted:SHIZUNE: [I don't like this school. It's so isolated. A lonely school on top of a mountain. And the people in it… It's like a place where parents drop off the children they are ashamed of so they can be free until the holidays. …But maybe that is kind of cynical?] The topic then unfortunately dips into some internalized ableism on Shizune's part as she states her belief that disabled people are the ones deliberately isolating themselves to avoid reality. However, the first part and the fact that Misha agrees with it provides damning insight how both are treated by their parents. In Misha's case, her parents are barely mentioned at all. There's that scene above, and then there's Act 4 where Hisao notes her parents don't even show up at their own daughter's funeral. As for Shizune, Jigoro somehow manages to be even worse than he is in the final draft. He openly states eugenicist views and says he'll never allow Shizune to be his heir because he considers her "genetically inferior", along with certain slurs. He extends his abuse towards Hideaki by convincing him that his purpose in life is to surpass Shizune in every way and become the undisputed heir... Well, undisputed except from Jigoro himself, who, uh. script-a3-shizune, label en_S24c posted:JIGORO: Hideaki is not my equal until he kills me and takes over my company in a firey, bloody coup. Unfortunately for him, that will never happen, as I am ridiculously strong and he is pathetically weak in comparison. Even here there's still one unfortunate attempt to humanize Jigoro: He's the first person to openly acknowledge that Misha is depressed, and when he realizes Hisao is already aware but hasn't offered her support, he calls him out on his inaction. Alas, whatever marginally good advice Jigoro has is immediately followed up by him directing slurs at his own daughter. Soooo yeah he's still a shithead no matter what version he's in. (Hideaki, for his part, is intensely competitive and talks constantly about how he needs to defeat Shizune, but unlike Jigoro he doesn't treat her as incapable and actually cares about and respects her; after Misha's death he takes an active role in helping make formal arrangements and checking in on Shizune when her grief sets off her own depression, and on the bad route where Shizune also dies to suicide his anguish breaks through his stoicism. There were some very uncomfortable and triggering scenes involving Hideaki in this early draft that I'm glad got scrapped, but at least his relationship with his sister was handled well.) I'm getting off-track now, but as for what this means for what the Satou family is like in this early draft... well, they actually weren't related to the Hakamichis at this point; it's implied the families have a business connection, but it's Yuuko and not Shizune or Hideaki who claims to be the Satous' cousin. On top of that, Lilly's early route, while thematically similar to the final version, is very different in the specifics and doesn't quite put the topic of her parents and their influence under the spotlight. Though, admittedly I haven't given it a close read lately so there could be something major I missed. Due to the spoiler potential I won't elaborate much more on Lilly's WIP route or take direct quotes from it, but I can say this much: In this draft Lilly had more siblings than just Akira, and every one of them lived with their parents in South Africa (their mother's homeland in this version). Lilly was left alone in Japan, being put into boarding schools since she was seven. Early drafts of stories can't be taken as gospel, especially if the revisions have irreconcilable differences or even changed authors (as was the case with Shizune's route); for all we know the Misha of the final story might come from a loving, supportive family. But I do think they shed some light on what the intent for certain characters were. For Lilly and Shizune, that intent seems to be that both of them faced abuse and neglect from their families who cared more about reputation or careers than their children. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason their families became related upon rewrites was because of how similar they turned out to be. (On an unrelated side note, I remember people in this thread discussing Hisao's speculation that Shizune could read lips (he says this in one of the scenes leading up to the bad ending) but not knowing if it was confirmed. Again, things said in previous drafts shouldn't be taken as canon for the final version, but in the leaked script Shizune can read lips, though she tells only Hisao about this. She also tells him that she learned it because people would mock her right to her face just because she couldn't hear them. Considering the things Jigoro says in both versions, I can imagine he was one of those people.) (Edit 1 to make some wording clearer and add a quote from a Misha scene) (Edit 2 because my opening sentence was incoherent, and also to change a word used to describe Misha, because at the time I couldn't remember what the term I was thinking of was called and awkwardly worked backwards from other words. My apologies.) MiracleFlare fucked around with this message at 15:43 on Feb 20, 2022 |
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Feb 18, 2022 08:06
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 I just could not wrangle this update’s wordcount into two appropriately-sized chunks and preserve the effect I wanted, so this update will go up in two parts: I’ll post the first part today, and we’ll wrap this thing up tomorrow. Update 123: A Faraway Future (Act 4, Scenes 8-9) Katawa Shoujo OST - Moment of Decision No way... Her evasiveness when asked about her future... that awkwardness that had steadily grown between us... that uncharacteristic outburst of anger... All of them suddenly fit into place. The same family that she reminisced about after Hanako's birthday party, the same family that left her and Akira to themselves after taking flight to greener pastures... Now I feel stupid for never cornering Lilly on what was bugging her. I'd never even considered if something had happened during her trip to her family's home at Inverness. And now, a sense of unease grows in my chest. If her family has summoned her to join them in Scotland, all the way on the other side of the Earth...  HISAO: "Has she... accepted?"  AKIRA: "Lilly hasn't told me whether she plans to accept, and it seems she hasn't told you, either. That's why I called you down here to talk, Hisao." HISAO: "Context, huh..." I sit back, my feelings of worry and frustration no doubt written all over my face. AKIRA: "Lilly's a strong person, Hisao, but she's not infallible. I guess it's my job to worry about her, being her older sister, but I think that you deserve to know." HISAO: "I understand." AKIRA: "You okay? You sound depressed." HISAO: "No, I'm just... thinking." AKIRA: "That's good. Thinking is good. Being rash won't get you anywhere." She looks at her watch, barely moving her wrist. .png) AKIRA: "I've got to go. Will you be okay?" HISAO: "I'll be fine, don't worry. I'll have to talk to Lilly about it and get everything sorted out." She gives a smile, but it doesn't feel all that genuine or sincere. Really, both of us are dancing around the fact that Lilly's on the precipice of the biggest decision of her life and is trying to take the entire burden on herself. And part of that burden is the matter of our relationship. (Silence) By the time I look up, Akira's already walking off with her hand held up. For the first time in a long while, I finally have an answer to something. Perhaps not even that. But at least I now have the right question to ask. “Will you leave, or stay?” Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence, Rain Sounds) HISAO: "Hurry, Lilly!" .png)  LILLY: "I'm moving as fast as I can!" I can barely make out Lilly's voice over the deafening pounding of the rain. Even though I dislike pulling her around, the situation calls for it. I turn forward, my free hand over my head in a futile attempt to keep at least my hair dry. My vision seems to be in grayscale. This really is rotten weather for summer, and the last kind of climate I'd want for a date. A pity. I'd even checked the weather forecast beforehand, one of the very few times I've ever done so, only for it to say that Sunday afternoon would be fine. Looking to Lilly, her shoulders are by now completely drenched, with her right hand holding tightly to mine and her left gripping her retracted cane. This horrid downpour came on just as we were between our destination and Yamaku, so we decided to try rushing the rest of the distance rather than doubling back. Entirely unused to running this fast, Lilly's using all her concentration just to avoid tripping over. LILLY: "Hisao, do you know where we're going!?" Even she's reduced to shouting to try and be heard over the combined noise of the wind and the rain. HISAO: "The Sha—" The rest of my voice is completely drowned out by an even heavier burst of rain. LILLY: "The what!?" HISAO: "The Shanghai!" LILLY: "How far is it!?" HISAO: "It shouldn't be far now!" It doesn't take long before I call out to her once again. HISAO: "It looks like we're safe, it's just up ahead!" I quickly pull up to a stop just in front of the familiar exterior, the lantern outside still giving off its reliable glow, and wait for Lilly to catch her breath before going in. HISAO: "Ladies first." The tiny bell inside rings out when I hold the door open for her, a smile and a polite nod being my reward before entering myself. Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles As I step in behind her and wipe my feet, only a quick glance is necessary to notice the distinct lack of activity. The Shanghai doesn't seem to get much in the way of patronage, and today is no different. Only a couple of tables are occupied. Summoned by the bell's ringing, a most expected person comes to greet us. .png)  YUUKO: "Welcome to the Shanghai!" Yuuko looks chipper today. Trying to predict her moods is pretty hard, but it's a nice change from the norm. LILLY: "Hello, Yuuko." HISAO: "Hey." YUUKO: "Good afternoon, you two." She takes a deep bow, somewhat taken aback as she rights herself again and gets a better look at us. YUUKO: "What happened to you? You both look..." Her eyes drift towards the glass of the door behind us. YUUKO: "Oh. Oh dear." HISAO: "We're inside now, at least. I think that's the most important thing." LILLY: "It's nice and cozy. You're lucky to be working inside today." YUUKO: "It has been nice and quiet. I like days like this. Oh wait, um, sorry... is there anything you'd like?" LILLY: "French vanilla tea, please." HISAO: "I'll have the same." YUUKO: "Right. Coming right up." She quickly skitters off with a determined look on her face, trying very hard not to forget our orders. If nothing else, she is at least dedicated to her jobs. I lead Lilly to an empty seat before the two of us settle down. (Silence) .png) As usual, there's a large difference between my exhausted flopping down into my seat and Lilly's delicate sliding into hers, her cane set beside her. For a while I just idly watch the rain falling outside. The occasional person runs down the street trying to stay as dry as possible, hands often tightly gripping a rain-soaked umbrella. Lilly sits just as quietly as I, her eyes closed as she intently listens to all that's happening. It's a comfortable, relaxing silence that exists between us; just the type that we'd so often shared together in the past months. For Lilly, at least. I can't help replaying the words of her sister in my mind, at times contrasting them to both our time spent together since I entered Yamaku, and to the way we've been since we started dating. No matter how much I try, I can't work Lilly out. It's as if the harder I try to second-guess her emotions and her potential decision, the more difficult it becomes to reach a clear conclusion. It makes me doubt whether I'd ever really understood her. In the end, I'm going to have to ask, even though I very much want to avoid doing so. LILLY: "You seem quiet today, Hisao." HISAO: "Really?" LILLY: "You seemed so enthusiastic about taking me out on a date, I'd assumed you had something specific you wanted to do." HISAO: "No, not really. Just wanted to spend some time with you." LILLY: "Is that so..." HISAO: "Fine. There was one thing." A little grin finds its way onto Lilly's face, her knowing full well that she's bested me. It makes what I want to say all the more awkward. HISAO: "It was just... Akira and I were talking." LILLY: "Oh?" HISAO: "What's with that tone?" LILLY: "You two do seem to get on well, don't you?" HISAO: "Well, I do think she's a pretty cool person to talk with. It'd be nice if any of the teachers were anything like her." LILLY: "“Cool...”" For a moment I try to place her tone of voice, my mouth curling into a smirk as I realize it. HISAO: "You're not jealous, are you?" LILLY: "I'm not jealous!" After her teasing me over such a thing on our first date, I don't feel too bad having a little laugh at her expense this time around. As we settle down though, it's only a minor distraction from the real point of why I brought Lilly here. HISAO: "Don't worry, it was mostly just everyday stuff. That said, there was something Akira mentioned that I wanted to talk to you about. When you went to see your family in Inverness a while back, she said..." LILLY: "Akira told you about my family's summons, hasn't she?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Moment of Decision Seconds tick by while I try to read Lilly's face, an odd mixture of feelings written on it. She seems annoyed, but also somewhat confused. YUUKO: "Um... here..." Yuuko tentatively slides our drinks onto the table, her presence oddly small. As she walks back to the counter after a quick, polite nod, I realize the air between me and Lilly is thick and our expressions are both somewhat pensive. LILLY: "Even though she says I should lead my own life, she still interferes at the worst times..." HISAO: "I don't think you should blame Akira here. She's just looking out for you, and it's not like I can't understand her concern over this." Lilly's irritation gives way to an awkward, and largely unsuccessful, attempt to mask her feelings. She really doesn't deal well with being cornered on personal topics. LILLY: "I know, but... I just wanted some more time. I knew you'd have figured it out eventually, but..." HISAO: "You were intentionally hiding this from me? For how long were you planning to do so?" LILLY: "As I said, I simply wanted more time to think it through. I wanted to be sure of my decision before telling you." HISAO: "What did you decide to do, in the end?" I know what I want her to say, but an awful feeling refuses to leave my gut. LILLY: "My family does dearly want me to return to them, and Akira will be going as well. I could still teach as a career, whether it be here or there." HISAO: "So... you're going. How long have you known? I already know you were asked when you first went to Scotland, about a month ago." .png) LILLY: "Some... time." My frustration very nearly boils over. The fact that she's done this affects me more than it should. For her to not only be leaving but to have been actively hiding her own plans from me, and after seeming for so long to be the one solid pillar of support and reliability I could depend on... It feels as if the foundation underneath me is suddenly shifting drastically, much faster than I can adapt to. Perhaps this isn't so much frustration as sheer unease. HISAO: "Lilly..." LILLY: "I'm sorry, I just... I wanted to think this through completely. I wasn't trying to take advantage of you, please—" HISAO: "I know, Lilly. I know. This is just really sudden. I guess this means that once you go, we'll be breaking up?" For one of the few times I've seen since I met her, she's genuinely lost for words. She doesn't look surprised, no doubt because the fact had dawned on her once she became sure of her decision, but rather, she appears genuinely unsure of how to deal with the situation now that it's in front of her. LILLY: "W-we could try pursuing a long-distance relationship. They're getting more and more common these days, after all..." Even as she says it, the tone of her voice gives away that she doesn't truly believe what she's saying. Lilly is far too old-fashioned to be able to cope with a relationship without any kind of physical presence, and even I am, to an extent. All we would ever be to each other would be a voice from the other side of the world. In the end, trying to rationalize everything is futile. Any attempts to try and connect what's happening with the future or past just seem to get more difficult the more I concentrate. Those quiet moments when we just walked side by side, the precious time we spent with Hanako and Akira, the casual chatter we had during lunchtimes, the times we made love, the confessions of our feelings to each other... All pointless. All just a fleeting moment in our young lives. HISAO: "We're just two children pretending to be adults, aren't we?" A long, long silence hangs in the air between us. The noise of the other patrons drinking and talking only makes the situation feel more strange and disconnected. Lilly's face remains low, her dejected expression clouding it. (Silence) LILLY: "I'm sorry, Hisao." A simple apology, and no more. She's left entirely without any further response or comment. With a long sigh, I gather what's left of my thoughts and ask the final question I have for her. HISAO: "When will you be going?" LILLY: "I'll be leaving with Akira, so it'll be a little less than a week." HISAO: "The beginning of summer holidays?" LILLY: "Just a little afterward, yes." Her tone is unusually slow and steady, her apologetic and depressed mood all the more written to her face as she tries to hide it in her voice. In the end, I can't even keep my promise of going to Tanabata with her before she leaves. .png) I look down, seeing my face reflected in the by now lukewarm cup of neglected tea sitting in front of me. I really thought I'd left this kind of expression behind. For a while I just stare down into the still surface, trying to sort through my emotions to get at what course of action I should take, whether it be right now or in the future. But, just as before, the effort is wasted. I glance up to see Lilly gently sipping her cooled tea without complaint, her face drawn and shoulders slumped. She looks to be deep in thought too, a strangely cold atmosphere coming between us as we isolate ourselves to mull things over. Even as Lilly's cup slowly empties, mine remains untouched. It's a long time before I notice the rain dying down outside and the few other patrons of the Shanghai having left. Katawa Shoujo OST - Breathlessly The chill of the rapidly darkening evening permeates the dormitory hallways. While trudging down the corridor to my room, I see an unwelcome movement from up ahead. .png) Sure enough, the opening of the door opposite mine heralds the arrival of a bespectacled Kenji.  KENJI: "Hey man, what's... Woah dude, you look awful, I think. You okay?" He really has a knack for making any situation better. HISAO: "I... don't really want to go into it. It's late." KENJI: "Okay. That's cool. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm, you know, here." I look at him for a moment before surrendering my stern front and awkwardly scratching the back of my neck, embarrassed by my standoffish response to him. HISAO: "Thanks, Kenji." KENJI: "Hey, it's cool. That's what friends are for, right?" HISAO: "Yeah, you're right. Um, seeya." I open the door to my own dorm room and close it behind me as he quickly waves me off. The solid thud the door makes against the door frame sounds out a final call for the life I've led since coming to Yamaku. I just stand in my darkened room, fruitlessly attempting to work out what I should do from this point onwards. Just what should I do...? Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) As class ends, I simply rest my head on my hand and stare out of the window to pass the time. Katawa Shoujo OST - School Days It's been a few days since Lilly told me her plans. I haven't been to our ordinary lunchtime haunt since then, not that there would be much point. Hanako's been busy with the newspaper club she's newly joined, and has even begun talking in class with Naomi every now and then. Even Lilly, aside from the fact that a meeting between us would've been awkward in any case, has been run off her feet with class representative duties as the summer holidays approach. And now, they're just about here. With the end of today's bell, the summer holidays will have begun. I suppose that all I'll end up doing will be visiting my parents for the duration and lazing about my old home, now that my previous plans are entirely askew. Meanwhile, Akira and Lilly will be en route to Scotland, to live out the rest of their lives there. No matter how hard I try to rationalize the idea that once the summer holidays begin, my life will return to the way it was, it simply refuses to happen. Everyone's moving on with their lives. Lilly's rejoining her family, Akira's moving up in her father's business, Hanako's gaining new friends and hobbies, and even Yuuko's moving ahead with her university aspirations. Even I'm moving forward, in the end. With the marks I've gotten so far in Yamaku, much less after such a rocky beginning, the path to get into teaching science as a career seems straightforward. I suppose I should at least be happy about that much, but it doesn't really seem to help.  MISHA: "Hicchan~!" .png) I quickly stop my ruminating and turn to face the bubbly voice beside me, putting on the most upbeat expression I can muster. As expected, Shizune stands flanking her. I have a sneaking suspicion they want something from me. HISAO: "Hey Misha, Shizune. What's up?" MISHA: "Well~... Shicchan and I were thinking~... Since we're just two poor little girls that need help with all the work we've been given just before the holidays begin~..." HISAO: "Sure, I can help." (Sudden Silence) MISHA: "But Hicchan, we're really nee— What?" I think I broke Misha. Even Shizune raises an eyebrow at her accomplice's shuddering stop in her tracks. MISHA: "So you'll help us, Hicchan?" HISAO: "I just said I would, didn't I?" It's hardly like I have anything better to do. Maybe helping them with their work will help take my mind off the situation. Misha seems genuinely ecstatic with my response, but Shizune's expression is clouded and difficult to read. I find myself quickly averting my eyes from her own, as it almost looks like a face of pity. No doubt, it must just be my imagination. Katawa Shoujo OST - Daylight This is hardly the first time I've been in the student council room. Indeed, I've found myself down here often, either to help Lilly with class rep work, or to sort out one thing or another with the Student Council itself. Now, though, it's quite a different place. .png) Papers and folders are strewn across every table in the room, only a solitary little black laptop atop a single desk sticking out from the mess. It looks positively ancient, and I'd guess it has been valiantly serving its task in archiving information for years and years. HISAO: "So, what needs doing? This looks like a lot to do."  SHIZUNE: "..." Shizune's expression becomes determined as she signs. It's a worrying look. MISHA: "Everything, Hicchan!" My worry was well placed. HISAO: "Everything... you say?" SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "What's left on the desks is what needs to be done. It all needs to be digitally recorded, which is what the laptop is for." HISAO: "And I'm guessing that I'll be the one doing this?" SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Shicchan says she saw you with the computers in the library a few days ago, and that you seemed really good with them~." Good with computers? I can touch-type, I guess, but it still seems like an overestimation of my skills. HISAO: "I was just typing up homework... Wait, Shizune was watching me do that?" SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "One must know their allies before they can know their enemies, of course~. Wow, that's pretty wise..." For once, it's not very hard to work out who said what. Nonetheless, it doesn't seem worth fighting over. Sitting at a computer doing some typing hardly seems onerous, as far as tasks to help Shizune and Misha go. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Besides, it will help to take your mind off things~." HISAO: "Take my mind off things? Take my mind off what things?" Misha's face goes blank as she translates this for Shizune, though the latter's response is only to glance away towards the window after briefly signing. SHIZUNE: "..." Their two sprites rapidly flick back and forth, clearly signing something complicated. Misha's face quickly returns to a smile as she translates back. She was confused, I guess, but Shizune is harder to pin down. MISHA: "I was just thinking you may like to get your mind off the exams, of course~." HISAO: "Either way, we may as well get into it sooner rather than later. I'll go along with you." MISHA: "That's the spirit, Hicchan~!" And that's the fifth spreadsheet compiled and saved. Time for the next month's... After a little bit of fussing around, we all managed to get a bit more organized. Shizune's been gathering up the loose sheets and, thankfully, sorting them into a neat pile next to me. Meanwhile, Misha's been handling the manual writing work, her girly pink pen leaving its unmistakable mark on paper after paper. Once I got myself into a rhythm, this really wasn't so bad. Shizune and Misha also seem to be in the swing of things, wordlessly communicating as they go about their business with fervor. I periodically glance at the sheet beside the laptop, apparently a list of student names and matching addresses, as I dutifully enter the data written on it. I don't pay a lot of attention to what I'm typing in until I reach about midway down the page. Hakamichi... class 3-3... Huh. Her family home is in Saitama. My idle curiosity is ended abruptly as three light taps can be heard rapping on the door. Misha quickly skips over to check who it is, tapping Shizune's shoulder on the way past to let her companion know what's happening. MISHA: "Ah, you're here~." HISAO: "Hmm? Who is it?" With a slight pause to enter Shizune's data into the file along with all the others, I look up to check who's at the door. (Sudden Silence) .png) ...Lilly? After giving a cursory nod to Misha in greeting, she perks her head up in her trademark manner. LILLY: "Is that Hisao?" She's pretty darned good at working out my voice from the smallest of phrases nowadays. HISAO: "Yeah, it's me. Um... hey." The atmosphere feels slightly awkward as she bows. Neither of us knows quite how intimate we should be around each other, given she's leaving in just a matter of hours. This is a fact that, thankfully, neither the oblivious Misha nor the hardworking Shizune pick up on. HISAO: "So... you've got work to do as well?" LILLY: "Unfortunately. I arrived as soon as I could, but my class held me up with a surprise farewell party, and I had to get changed." I glance down at the laptop's clock. It's pretty much the end of lunchtime, so I'm guessing Lilly managed to wrangle the last period off as well. LILLY: "I take it Shizune is here as well?" Katawa Shoujo OST - The Student Council (Shizune’s Theme) SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Of course!" SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "And I've been here during all of lunchtime as well!" That last comment was really not needed. Shizune's baiting Lilly into another argument, I can feel it. LILLY: "I'm sorry I can't be as hardworking as you, Shizune. I'll endeavor to hire more lackeys to do my work in future, I assure you." And Lilly just took the bait, escalating things further. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "But aren't you the one always outsourcing work to your classmates~?" LILLY: "The difference is that they choose to help, unlike your tyrannical grip on your own class." SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Tyranny works~! Even if we did things differently, we still got the same results, right~?" LILLY: "This is school, not a police state. You will have to remind me when you were appointed class monarch, I'm afraid." SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "You have to seize power, it's not as good if it's just handed to you~! But I guess you wouldn't really understand that, right~?" SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "You'll also have to remind me when monarchs were elected into their positions~." Lilly positively bristles at this. Shizune's two-hit combo forces her onto defense. LILLY: "Yet for all your vaunted power, you cannot get one person to help you without forcing him." SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "But Hisao volunteered~! He's such a hard worker, he's doing this instead of meaningless socialization, right~?" LILLY: "Is that so. Hisao?" Ah, this is bad. I've really ended up between a rock and a hard place. As much as it may pain me to do this, the truth has at least a chance of stopping this argument here and now. HISAO: "It's okay, Lilly, they didn't harass me to come or anything." Lilly gives me a disapproving grimace, silently radiating her strong feelings of displeasure in my general direction. She can be quite scary when she wants to be, though thankfully that isn't often. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Hicchan, you make that sound like it's a regular occurrence~..." HISAO: "It isn't? In the end, it doesn't matter so long as everything's getting done at a good pace. Let's just get this work over with so we can go home." Shizune snorts derisively and gets back to marking off the sheet in front of her, while Lilly sighs and finds her way along the room with her hand following the filing cabinets lined along the wall. This would mark the only time I've managed to successfully defuse one of these situations, but the grudging ceasefire built around mutual fear and respect makes this feel more like the Cold War than any real peace. I can't take all the credit though; Lilly's leaving has surely affected Shizune to some extent, to make her give up so easily. Moments before getting back to my work, I notice Lilly reaching up to grab something from above a filing cabinet. I almost offer to help, but her height gives her ample ability to take it down safely. Once she sets the strangely shaped device on the desk beside me, I realize just what it is... sort of... as she takes the old green covering off and sits down. .png) At first glance it seems to be an old metallic blue typewriter, but it doesn't take me long to realize it's far from ordinary. It has far fewer keys than expected, and those it has show no lettering printed on them. Only the shadows cast by the tiny Braille dots on them give a hint to the thing's purpose. HISAO: "Blind typewriter?" LILLY: "Oh, this? Well, you're not far off. It's normally called a Perkins Brailler, but it's basically a typewriter for the blind, yes. It presses Braille into the page rather than text, which is why it has fewer keys." HISAO: "Huh... that's really neat." She gives a lighthearted grin at my curiosity over it. I have to admit that it appeals to my sense of novelty. Without further ado, we each get back to our allotted tasks. The loud clunking of the mechanics in Lilly's Brailler and the tapping of the laptop's old and weary keyboard quickly fill the room. It's a nice atmosphere, really. Everyone knows what they have to do, and Lilly and I get to sit beside each other and exchange the odd word as we work away. Nostalgic. That's what it feels like. It's pleasant, but just slightly stained with the knowledge that our time together is nearing its end. (Silence) LILLY: "Excuse me, Misha?" To properly address her, Misha bounces over from the filing cabinet she's peering into, in spite of Lilly's lack of sight. For a moment I think it strange, but then realize it's exactly what I do. MISHA: "What's up?" LILLY: "Could you ask Shizune where the attendance records for class 3-2 are? I think they've been moved." MISHA: "Okie dokie!" And with that, she flitters off to Shizune, who's working at a table behind us. Lilly's familiarity with the council room, and the efficiency with which she works, remind me that she, Misha and Shizune used to all work together in the Student Council. Maybe this is a fitting end for her stay in Yamaku; working away just like she used to, surrounded by those she loves and, at least, liked. I look up, getting taken off-guard by Shizune sorting through a drawer, rather than Misha. Sure enough, she plucks out a manila folder, entirely blank save for the just barely visible bumps on its front, and holds it in front of Lilly. Lilly's hand flits over it to check what it is, her fingers feeling out the dots of braille and confirming it's what she asked for. LILLY: "Thank you, Misha." No reply. No reply, that is, save for an odd grin... no... smile... on Shizune's face. .png) A couple of seconds pass before Lilly clicks that it isn't Misha behind her, but Shizune. Her momentary look of surprise is replaced by a slightly bashful smile. For a few moments, the room is all but still and silent. Eventually, though, Shizune strides back to her workstation and Lilly begins typing once again. It only lasted a handful of seconds in all, but it feels like years of communication were made up for in that one silent exchange.
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Feb 18, 2022 16:54
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The end of Lilly's route hit me hard the first time through, and I think it was about this point where I started to get choked up a bit. The finale had me openly weeping.
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Feb 19, 2022 04:24
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Oof, yeah; this is another part of Katawa Shoujo that was pretty rough going for me, kicking up some difficult memories. It reminded me a lot of my girlfriend at the end of Uni. So basically: Dareon posted:The end of Lilly's route hit me hard the first time through, and I think it was about this point where I started to get choked up a bit. The finale had me openly weeping. 
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Feb 19, 2022 09:58
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Update 124: Farewell (Act 4, Scene 9) Katawa Shoujo OST - Afternoon .png) HISAO: "There, finished." I lean my head back and rub my eyes to try and work away their weariness. Staring at that small and rather poor screen's taken its toll. LILLY: "Excellent timing; the only thing left is to file these away and I'll have my workload finished as well." HISAO: "Good. I can pack up the Brailler and put it away while you do that." LILLY: "Thank you, Hisao." HISAO: "Misha, are you and Shizune far from being done?" I look around for the two as I replace the cover over the Brailler, only to see them waiting at the door. I guess they must be waiting for us. .png) With a minimum of wasted time, we file and pack up everything that remains and join them. HISAO: "Thanks for waiting, you two." MISHA: "We couldn't just take off without you, Hicchan, you've been a great help!" Shizune nods approvingly, pleased with my efforts. HISAO: "I guess... that's the last class representative work done and over with, then." LILLY: "That's right." MISHA: "I'll miss you, Lilly. I think it was fun working with you." LILLY: "Thank you, Misha. It's been good working with you... and Shizune." Shizune thinks for a moment before formulating her response. It's not that she often communicates without thinking, quite the opposite, but this time it's even more considered than usual. SHIZUNE: "..." Misha looks a little surprised before passing on the message. MISHA: "Shizune says... you'd better do your work over there better than you did it here." Far from taking offense, Lilly giggles into her hand. LILLY: "If that's the case, then please tell Shizune to give those still here a little more understanding in the future." Competitive until the last. Maybe Shizune and Lilly aren't so different after all. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Shicchan says that she'll be checking to make sure you live up to your end of the promise." .png) LILLY: "Then that's how it will be. I'd better be off, then. Goodbye, Shizune. Goodbye, Misha. Hisao?" Lilly takes a hold of my arm in hers, there being no need for a cane if I'm here to guide her. With a nod of farewell to the two, we set off out the door and make our way to the school grounds. As I turn to wave goodbye to them, I notice Shizune's gaze lingering on Lilly. They may annoy each other, but family bonds aren't easily broken. HISAO: "Got all your papers sorted, then?" LILLY: "Yes, they've all been filled out and handed in." HISAO: "On top of things as always, aren't you?" (Silence) She gives an earnest smile at the compliment, but it feels as if her happiness is just a veneer over the fact that she's fully aware of how much she's leaving behind. It reminds me of how she was like when I first met her; always smiling, always that little bit aloof, always that little distance away from everybody. Even now, she still maintains that air around many others, especially those she's not close to. I had hoped that our time together would have changed that fact. Our pace slows, the two of us coming to a halt in the all but empty school gardens. LILLY: "Hisao? Is something the..." Katawa Shoujo OST - Comfort .png) Lilly's words are cut short as I turn and wrap my arms around her, pulling her tight. I may not usually be given to such impulsive actions, but I just want to be close to her, even if it's the last time I'll be able to. All the other students have retreated to their dormitories and homes, only the ruffling of leaves in the breeze making any sound whatsoever. .png) As I draw back, I can see she has dropped her carefully maintained smile. Her hand hesitates, wanting neither to leave nor to stay on my features. She is putting up a brave show, but her slight trembling gives her away. Lilly may be able to control herself well, but even she can't hold her composure together now. This is the woman I've come to love, but also the one who in all too short a time will leave the country forever. LILLY: "I'm sorry, Hisao." HISAO: "It's okay. You've got your own life to lead, after all." We walk up the hallway in the girls' dormitory hand in hand, our emotions by now largely quelled. Nevertheless, our hands grip each other's much more tightly than before. Faint, muffled voices can be heard from Lilly's room, the origins of which aren't difficult to guess. .png) The moment she opens the door, Hanako bursts through and wraps her arms around Lilly, taking her very obviously by surprise.  HANAKO: "Lilly! Lilly!" LILLY: "Ha-Hanako...?" HANAKO: "I'm going to miss you... Lilly..." As expected, she's on the verge of tears. Lilly gently rubs Hanako's hair with her hand in response, then pulls back and gives a warm, reassuring smile. .png) Looking beyond Hanako, Akira can be seen getting up from the side of Lilly's bed and scratching her head. Her eyes turn from Lilly and Hanako to me, a stilted, weak smile hanging on her face. I try to return a more genuinely happy look, but the result is probably just the same. AKIRA: "So, everything set? Managed to hold back from killing Shizune?" The comment draws an amused giggle from her sister. LILLY: "Yes, I have everything in order, and yes, I managed not to. Have you packed everything you need?" AKIRA: "Got the two bags right here, but there's still some stuff left at the Hakamichis' home. I can pick that up while we wait there for tomorrow evening's flight, though." Akira gives the two large black traveling bags on the floor a hearty pat. She probably came to help pack and make sure everything was in order on Lilly's end, before going together with her. HANAKO: "Lilly... will you be okay... over there?" LILLY: "I'll be all right, I assure you. I'll have Akira looking after me as well, and you know that she's reliable." HANAKO: "But..." LILLY: "Don't worry, Hanako. I have your phone number after all, so we can stay in touch. With Akira's help, I could send you things over the Internet as well." AKIRA: "Hey, don't use me just because you won't learn how to use a computer." Hanako and Lilly both giggle briefly, the mood lightening ever so little. LILLY: "That goes for you too though, Hisao. I promise I'll contact you once I'm in Scotland." HISAO: "I know. I'll be looking forward to it." Her offer may be kind, but we both know that this is tantamount to breaking up. Neither of us has any illusions as to how well we'd manage a long-distance relationship. With nary a word of prompting, the four of us begin the long, solemn walk to the school gate. .png) The numerous lamps scattered around the Yamaku grounds fail to do much more than provide pinpoints of light in an otherwise dense darkness. A car parked on the road just outside the school grounds comes into view, its shining black exterior reflecting the dimly lit lamps of Yamaku. I call out to Akira in an effort to alleviate a bit the heavy atmosphere. HISAO: "That your car? What kind is it?" AKIRA: "Don't know much about cars, do you? It's a Lancer Evo. Solid and speedy." Well, it's not as if her comment on my knowledge is off the mark. I've never really taken an interest in them. She gives a small sigh. AKIRA: "She's been good. Pity I have to part with it tomorrow, just like the summerhouse. You guys were the last to visit it before it changed hands." Turning back from my rather faulty attempt at smalltalk, I glance at Hanako and Lilly, following behind us. By rights, Hanako should be leading Lilly, but it's rather definitely the other way around as she clings tightly to Lilly's arm. It's a depressing sight. AKIRA: "So... I guess this is it." LILLY: "Indeed." Although the time for everyone to say their farewells is now, nobody really wants to take the first step. It's as if the longer nobody speaks, the better the chances of them simply not leaving. .png) HANAKO: "Lilly... do you really have to go?" LILLY: "I'm sorry, Hanako. I won't be leaving you forever, though; I can still call you. Hisao will still be here as well." I nod, but Hanako just clutches all the tighter to Lilly's arm. After spending so long without anyone to call family, it must be excruciating to have to say goodbye to the one person that was as close to a mother as anyone could have been in her life. Lilly lets out a long, sad breath. All Akira and I can really do is stand by quietly on the sidelines, since the only person that can solve this would be Lilly herself. Eventually, Lilly pulls her arm from Hanako's grip and holds both of her shoulders gently, a much more decisive way of address than I've ever seen Lilly take with her. LILLY: "Hanako, remember when we first met? When you entered my room for the first time after overhearing my consoling of a friend, you didn't say a single word for the entire night. Even as I poured you tea and talked, you sat silently and simply listened to what I said. It took many quiet meetings like that before you began to open up to me, but as you began to, I felt some of the happiest moments I've ever felt. I didn't become your friend because I pitied you, Hanako. I became your friend because I knew you were hiding not just from me, but from everyone. Your ambitions, personality, interests, tastes... I didn't know any of them, and neither did anybody else. As you showed yourself to me though, I began to realize the person that you were, and became sure that our meeting was a very special moment." HANAKO: "But I..." Lilly cuts her words short as she brings her hand to Hanako's head and brushes her fringe to the side, gently pressing her lips to Hanako's forehead. As she pulls her head back, leaving Hanako all but speechless and her eyes moist, Lilly beams a wide smile. LILLY: "I believe you are a very beautiful person, Hanako, and I am certain that you will become a strong and confident woman. You are a very dear friend, and someone whom I love very much. Just like Hisao, I will never forget you for as long as I live. I may be leaving, but you have your own life here to lead. Just as I do, you have your own friends and hobbies, and your own hopes after graduation. I want you to devote yourself to them, even after I'm not around any more. That is why I think you will be okay. Because you are your own self, with your own life. You yourself proved that to me." Hanako lowers her head in embarrassment, but nods as she does so. HANAKO: "I... I understand... I know I have to say goodbye... I know you have to go your own way... But... thank you, Lilly. For everything." LILLY: "Thank you, Hanako. Will you be okay?" There are a few seconds of silence before the answer comes. HANAKO: "I will." Lilly smiles, undoubtedly at least partly in relief. LILLY: "That makes me very happy, then. Goodbye." HANAKO: "Goodbye... Lilly." LILLY: "And farewell to you as well, Hisao." HISAO: "Goodbye. I'll miss you." She pauses for a moment before walking up to me. Her right hand, outstretched in front of her, takes a hold of my shoulder. Her left hand slowly and daintily reaches towards my face, taking my cheek in her palm. For a while she simply holds my face, her fingers just slightly moving to take in its contours. Usually her hand would be warm when doing such a thing, but the night air's given her skin a cool edge. I'm not sure how long we stay like this, her clouded eyes pointed just below my own as she wears a wistful, almost distant smile. Eventually, though, I take her cold hand in mine. It's difficult to do so, but with a slight sigh I gently remove her hand from my cheek. HISAO: "I hope you have a long and happy life, Lilly, no matter where you might go." LILLY: "Thank you. I'll make sure to." She takes a long, trembling breath before turning slightly towards Akira's direction. LILLY: "Akira..." AKIRA: "Okay." With a nod, she takes Lilly's hand and begins to guide her to the car parked outside the gates. They both walk slowly and deliberately, as if their movements had been rehearsed in advance. It's strange to feel like this now, watching somebody leave Yamaku. The feeling of unease I have now reminds me of the first time I walked through those black wrought iron gates, that always looked far too pompous for what they were. As they leave, all of us know full well that our lives are irreversibly changing. I'd always told myself that I just have to take life as it comes, but everything's changing so fast, so suddenly. In the end, Lilly's an irreplaceable part of the lives of both Hanako and I. The noise of Akira opening the passenger door for Lilly brings me out of my thoughts, her hand waving back as Lilly gets in. AKIRA: "Seeya guys! Take care of yourselves!" LILLY: "Goodbye Hanako, goodbye Hisao!" Hanako's hand quickly shoots up, her face brightened by her enthusiastic farewell. HANAKO: "Goodbye Lilly! Goodbye!" HISAO: "See you, Akira, and goodbye Lilly!" The door shuts as we all put on our best happy farewell faces, Akira getting in the car herself and starting it up in short measure. Lilly's hand can just be seen waving through the tinted windows, both of our hands waving high as well. Just as every other time I've done such things, I can't quite work out precisely why I, or Hanako, wave to her given that she'd never see us doing so. But it doesn't matter. Even after that black, shiny car goes down the hill and disappears into the dark night, we carry on waving and seeing Akira and Lilly off. (Silence) And then... they're gone. A strange stillness takes over as our hands return to our sides. I don't quite know what I should do or how I should feel. In the end, we just stand there silently staring down at where the car disappeared from sight. HANAKO: "Goodbye... Lilly." All I can do in response to her quiet, mournful goodbye is to place a hand on her shoulder. She looks at me for a few moments before looking back down the hill, secure in the knowledge that I'm still around for her. What we'll do from now doesn't seem all that uncertain. We all have our own ambitions now, just as Lilly said. But even so, it feels like there's a certain missing part in both of our lives now. Something that can never be replaced.
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Feb 19, 2022 17:04
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I also have a quick question: as of now, the disability corners are placed in the update list where I dropped them. Not a formal poll, but a quick question; for future readers running across them in the Archive, do you think they should stay where they are and just interrupt the narrative, or go in their own separated section a la Interviews?
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Feb 19, 2022 17:07
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I think keeping them inline makes more sense, since they're based on the context of what's happening in the story (or at least, the discussion about what's happening in the story). The story might flow better without interruptions, but the Disability Corners likely flow better in their context, and I think that's probably the more important aspect to bring to the forefront.
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Feb 19, 2022 17:19
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If they had to be placed in a separated section at all for whatever reason, I'd put the most recent update before the specific post at the top for those who need the context. Otherwise, having them in the order as they are now seems fine to me.
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Feb 20, 2022 09:35
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And that is how it ends. Not with a bang, not even a whimper. Just the inexorable march of time and distance that destroy all relationships. And me, sitting in my room at 12:45 am, no idea how I got here or how to get the other end(s), declaring NO SLEEP TILL GOOD END. (Technically, this is a neutral end. I say bullshit. Although it would be fitting the pattern. Bad Ends leave everything destroyed; what little you accomplished wiped away by miscommunication/bad luck/Hisaos gonna Hisao. Neutral ends leave things more open...but with the knowledge of everything you DID invest...and how little chance there is of anything more.)
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Feb 20, 2022 20:18
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Update 125: False Cadence (Act 4, Scene 10) Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  Katawa Shoujo OST - Daylight .png) The snap of my mobile phone's closing contrasts with the ambient chatter and noise audible even in the hallway outside the library. It's the first day of the summer holidays. A time that had perpetually seemed so far away, and yet it's now not only here but also made painfully obvious by the students, or lack thereof, left in the school. Most students have returned home to spend the holidays with relatives by now. The few that are left are mostly chatting between themselves, usually about what they intend to do in the coming weeks. It makes me feel like the odd one out, for taking advantage of the school library being open for the first several days of the holidays. Ostensibly it's for students to drop off any books they've borrowed and have yet to return, and for those who'll have their parents pick them up, to help pass the time until they get whisked away. Thanks to the recent lengthy phone call from my parents, which had so rudely woken me from my sleeping on a beanbag at the back of the library, I'm now in the latter category. Sliding my phone back into my pocket, this time remembering to set it to silent, I go back into the quiet and wholly placid room. .png) It's a nostalgic sight. Just as when Lilly first led me to the library, the orange tint of sunset bathes the room in its light while Hanako sits on a beanbag silently reading and Yuuko fusses, just barely visible behind the counter. Hanako especially has been noticeably more quiet than usual since yesterday's happenings, but I can't really blame her. It wasn't just me that depended on that person, after all. I quietly walk back to the beanbag near her where I'd sat before, being doubly careful not to make any unnecessary noise. .png) The soft puff it gives as the bag takes my weight makes Hanako's eyes flick towards me, but only for a second. I get the feeling that Hanako's been quiet only partly out of sadness following Lilly's departure. Rather, she seems more thoughtful and measured than I'd expected; perhaps due to her desire of working out how to deal with Lilly's leaving rather than just being depressed over it. It makes me a little proud of her. HISAO: "Hey, Hanako?" HANAKO: "Y-yeah?" HISAO: "Still going ahead with your idea of traveling?" She gives a determined nod. HANAKO: "I'll be starting in a day or two. Naomi's decided to come with me, too." HISAO: "Wow, quick start. Where're you two headed to first?" HANAKO: "I think we're going to start by going north... then loop down and go southward." HISAO: "So... Hokkaido's going to be first?" She gives another nod, more tentative than the last. The significance of that place is not lost on either of us. HISAO: "Do you know how you're going to handle the traveling expenses and accommodations?" HANAKO: "Yeah, I've worked everything out. I think it should be okay. Naomi says she has her side worked out, too." HISAO: "You know that if you need anything you can just call, right? I gave you my number before. Any time of the day is fine." She gives a smile, which in itself feels like a small personal victory. HANAKO: "I know. Th-thanks... Hisao." Maybe Lilly was right. Although I may offer Hanako any help I can possibly give, I feel as if I know she doesn't need it. She really has grown. Hanako's plans for her holidays are in sharp contrast to my simple following of my parents' suggestion to stay with them. Holidays had always made me feel less excited than most, though, so maybe this is just a return to the status quo. Before my heart attack, I'd always lived so aimlessly that holidays weren't all that much different from my everyday life anyway. After school I'd wander around a bit in the city, often hanging out with some friends, before making my way home to eat dinner with usually one of my parents, but rarely both. Their work schedules didn't leave much time for them to be home, and going there straight from school would just have meant I'd end up feeling bored. I was an urbanite through and through. Since coming to Yamaku though, it feels like I've fundamentally changed as a person. The phone call with my parents erased any traces of doubt I might have held on that, in any case. While before I had exercised a fairly normal level of independence for a teenager, that being not a whole lot, my parents were more than pleased to hear of my newfound ability in taking care of myself. Laundry, cooking for myself, cleaning, all in addition to other general chores that come from living without parents around... just little menial things I've had to pick up, but with relative ease. When I think about it, I'd always depended on them, even if they hadn't been at home all the time. To say I never depended on anyone after moving to the Yamaku dormitories would be far from the truth, though. (Silence) .png) YUUKO: "Um... excuse me..." The two of us look up at the awkwardly fidgeting figure in front of us. Some things never change. YUUKO: "It's getting close to closing time, so um..." Oh, right. I'd forgotten that the library closes earlier during the holidays. Hanako and I both get up and dust ourselves off, placing our books back on the shelf behind us. The fact that our tastes in reading material have a fair amount of overlap is useful at times. With a bow to Yuuko to apologize for taking so much time, Hanako takes her leave of us. HANAKO: "See you tomorrow, Hisao." HISAO: "Bye." And with that, she walks out of the large, wooden, aging doors that herald the entrance to the library. Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies YUUKO: "She's a quiet person, isn't she?" I suppose I should be surprised at a staff member sharing personal opinions like this, but after knowing Yuuko for a while it's largely expected. Our relationship is more personal, rather than one with her acting as an authority figure. HISAO: "Yeah, I think that's just how she is. She's got a lot more confidence in herself these days, though." YUUKO: "I don't know her as well as you do, but I think I agree. It's nice to see her talking to people here; she never used to do that before." HISAO: "Hey, Yuuko... you know about Lilly's leaving, right?" YUUKO: "She told me herself a few days ago. It must be hard, leaving everyone behind like she is." She quickly looks back to me after she says this, probably remembering that I went to her for advice on the relationship between Lilly and I before. YUUKO: "Are you going to be okay?" That's... a difficult question. It's something I'd rather not think about for now, though, given more pressing issues. HISAO: "Something seems kind of off about this whole deal, don't you think?" Yuuko appears to think for a while, absentmindedly scrunching her face up in a variety of creative ways as she does so. YUUKO: "I don't think I really know her well enough to make that kind of judgment. I'm sorry I can't be more help." HISAO: "Nah, that's fine. I'm just sort of thinking aloud." I give a deep sigh and scratch my head in frustration. HISAO: "There's just so much stuff happening at once that I have no control over... it feels like I'm being swamped." YUUKO: "I think everyone goes through times like that. What's important is to concentrate on what you can do, rather than what you can't do. At least, that's how I see it. If I didn't think like that, I don't think I'd be able to manage my life as it is." She says it with a smile and a light tone, but her words are far from any kind of joke. Being pulled between two jobs as she is, just to hopefully make enough money not only to live, but also for university, must be exhausting. Perhaps that's why, coming from her, this feels like it has more meaning than if it had come from most others. HISAO: "I guess you've got a point there. Thank you for your advice once again, Yuuko." She bows deeply and smiles again, before making her way back to the counter where she spends so much of her time. (Silence) The tiny wings of the cardboard crane in my fingers are only just visible in the dim light of my room, just a little of the moonlight being able to peek through the curtains and around their edges. Katawa Shoujo OST - Aria De l’Etoile .png) I lie still in my dark bed for a long time, idly looking up at the little origami bird. It feels like a lot's happened since Lilly folded this, but at the same time it feels like very little has changed. Compared to everyone else, I'm back to square one. I might have a newfound idea of where I want to go in life, but that's hardly something that affects me now. Hanako changed, I know that much. If anything, she just makes me feel like I've got no excuse to be like this, considering her previous situation. Lilly, though... I turn the bird in my fingers another way, looking at it from yet another angle. When I first met her, she seemed aloof and perhaps somewhat distant. Her actions were always careful, measured and precise, and her carefully maintained composure always gave the appearance of unerring confidence and serenity. In time, she became less formal. Just a bit, but enough. It felt good to see her lowering her inhibitions around me, and opening up, even just a little, of her own accord; it felt as if I was seeing her real self slowly become more vibrant and visible. Now, though, I'm beginning to have doubts. Perhaps they're to be expected after what is, effectively, the two of us breaking up. They don't feel new or strange though, but rather like an old book being found and dusted off. I soon realized after meeting Lilly that she saw me as she did Hanako; as someone who needed help and care. At first, I simply thought that we'd be fine as friends, helping each other through our limited time together in school. But then I began to treasure our moments together more and more, from our quiet walks to our talking over lunch. The good sides of her personality became ever more obvious, and ever more likable. The absence caused by Lilly's trip to Scotland to visit her long-distant family and sick aunt only made me realize how much I liked just being around her, and I had thought that she felt a similar way. For her, though, maybe that wasn't everything to our relationship. Even after she returned to Japan, that just meant she lost her family once again after meeting them for such a brief time. She lived so much of her life without her family around, not to mention with Akira working long hours, that she had little choice but to be like that. I had thought her sense of independence to be a good and admirable trait. It was in stark difference to my reliance on my parents before my heart attack, as reluctant as I may have been to admit it. However, it also meant that she never let people get too close to her. She lost her family likely due to her blindness, went to a different school from anybody she knew because of it, and worked all the harder to make sure she didn't end up a burden on her sister and those around her. And now, Akira's going to Inverness, just like the family she thought she'd lost. She never told me of her plans, as conflicted as she was about them. Lilly didn't want to be a burden on anyone, including me. ...I'm an idiot. I never questioned it. I never tried to be there or asked when she needed me to. I just set my life up and expected it to stay that way forever, with the two of us having a nice long relationship where we pushed forwards towards our future together. A small pit of frustration and anger at myself wells up in my chest. I just let everything happen, never even trying to help Lilly. Just her being there was enough. I thought I could keep going on if that were true. But that could never have been enough. It was a childlike dependence on somebody, without any attempt to understand or help their situation. Thanks to that, I lost Lilly. I lost the one person I loved most because I wasn't there for her when she needed me. (Silence) With an increasingly angry feeling washing over me, I turn over and set the crane back on the desk next to my clock, the place where it has lived since that day when she folded it for me. Since that day when she herself said that my burdens needn't be my own. The obnoxious bright red numerals of my alarm clock shine through the darkness of the room onto my tired eyes. Ten o'clock. Evening. Curfew will be soon. I wonder... Akira mentioned they'd be leaving this evening. I've no idea exactly when their flight is... but that means there's a chance, however small, that they might not have already left. Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship Adrenaline starts to move through my body as I sit up on my bed, my eyes suddenly wide with possibility. There's no guarantee they haven't left, indeed it's likely that they already have, but there's also a chance they haven't, however small it may be. Just this once, just as I should have before... I stand up and rush over to my cabinet, throwing out some clothes as fast as I can and sliding them on in quick succession. Each second that goes by is a second that I can't regain, a second that may mean the difference between catching them and losing them forever. Even if I fail, I have to try. I can't let her leave everything behind without even trying to stop her. Without, just this once, being there for her. With the last of my clothes slipped on, I hastily grab the phone off the desk. Luckily, the number for a local taxi company is still in my call history. A gruff, unenthusiastic voice announces the name of the company while I pace around the room. It takes some effort to slow down my voice and keep it clear over the phone. .png) The chilly night air sweeps against me as I open the dormitory door, but nevertheless I keep up my brisk speed as I half-jog, half-run out to the school gates. It may not be curfew just yet, but it's precariously close. If there were a guard around they'd no doubt have some questions for me, but it looks like I've managed to come out just before they arrive, or they're around a corner. .png) My pace picks up as I make my way through the school gardens, their night-time allure all but lost when I begin to run to the school gate. .png) The lamps of the courtyard, dim as they are, provide just enough illumination to light the way and prevent me from tripping over. The buildings themselves take on a rustic, almost antique-looking edge when I glance at them. Looking back, it seems strange that they once appeared so dark and looming to me. Now they just look to be somewhat anachronistic school buildings, the same as any others bar their age. .png) Leaving the gates behind me, I pull up to a stop just before the taxi. Parked just as Akira's car had been, its gaudy and brightly lit sign looks out of place in the quiet country backdrop. I impatiently squeeze myself through the door, giving the driver the address for where the two should hopefully be staying. .png) By the time the taxi pulls up after its trip at maddeningly casual speed, it's well and truly deep into the night. The house is truly enormous, its sheer size much larger than I'd expected, and ominously still. Fearing the worst, I ask the driver to stay just in case my efforts are for naught. A single press on the fancy intercom system outside the gate produces a short electronic melody in the otherwise silent road. It's not long before a somewhat deep, gruff voice can be heard from it. ???: "This is the Hakamichi residence. Please state your name and why you're bothering us this late." I press on despite inwardly wincing at the reasonable annoyance audible in his voice. HISAO: "It's Hisao Nakai. I was hoping to meet Lilly or Akira, if they're still here." Surprisingly, I manage to summon quite some energy to my voice, enough to make the other side of the intercom silent. A few seconds pass, but just before I press the button again and ask what's going on, a light turns on outside the front door. I strain my eyes to try and make out who is coming through, but as he comes past a large parked car with fishing rods sticking out the back, his identity becomes clear. His face is typically placid and emotionless as he saunters up to the gate. He's still childlike in his mannerisms, despite his demeanor. With the press of a few buttons from behind the fence, the gate slowly opens. .png)  HIDEAKI: "Hisao? What are you doing here?" I think this is the most emotion I've ever heard from his voice, not that it would be hard to reach that mark. HISAO: "Akira told me that she and Lilly would be staying here before they left for their flight. I need to talk to Lilly, just one last time. Are they still here?" The look on his face says everything. I failed. I was too late. The one time when I actually needed to act quickly, and... HIDEAKI: "Actually... it's possible..." HISAO: "What? What is it?" He's a bit taken aback by my fervor, but I can't help it at this point. HIDEAKI: "They left not long ago; only a few minutes before you arrived, in fact. If you go straight to the airport, you might be able to... Hisao!?" I dart back towards the waiting taxi, grabbing what little money is left in my pocket as I go. HISAO: "Thanks, Hideaki!" With that I take a seat, and in short order bark out my destination. Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds) .png) My chest beats wildly as I tear down the street, my body twisting this way and that to slip between the pedestrians walking back and forth beside me. With the road solidly blocked by taxis and other cars, dropping off passengers and picking up others in the time they have to wait, we ended up having to stop almost a block away. But that's in the past now. What matters is reaching Lilly. One foot hits the ground, the other quickly following without the slightest thought, as if my legs have taken on a life of their own and all my mind can do is concentrate on the view ahead of me. Just one glimpse of that long hair of hers. That long, yellow hair that was the same color as the wheat that stretched as far as the eye could see. In the end, I depended on Lilly, just like Hanako did. Even after we started going out, it still doesn't feel like she really ever let herself depend on me. Except for one moment. That one moment where we held each other tightly on that bright yellow field. At that time she must have feared losing me just as she did everyone else. That's why, just this once... The night air wraps around me, draining every last remnant of warmth out of my body, to the extent that it feels more like midwinter than a summer night. My fingers, my hands, my feet... they all feel increasingly cold. The sound of the passing crowds is reduced to no more than a background hum while the sound of my shoes hitting the pavement echoes loudly, every step surging towards the person I have to catch. Forced by my chest tightening in response to the cold of the night, I rest an arm over it to try and settle it down. Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds, Heartbeat) .png) When the airport comes into view, though, I realize this feeling as one I've felt before. Not now... of all the times for this, please not now. I take a gulp and soldier on regardless, pushing my body as far as it will go. Sweat pours off me as I hurtle forward, my shoulder hitting someone's side and my mind suddenly flooding with emotions and memories. I continue on without an apology. I have to keep moving now. If I stop, I'm not sure I could begin again, and even if I could it would all be for naught if I'm not in time. I hit another person, then another, offering little resistance to getting bounced about. My feet feel numb. My arms are losing all feeling. Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds, Heartbeat) My chest forces me to hunch over awkwardly, tightening ever more. That afternoon in the snow... that time when my life irreversibly changed... images of Iwanako and that damned letter flash over and over in my mind, the first love I'd lost thanks to my condition. I can't let that happen again. I don't care what happens to me any more, I just need to see her one last time. ...There! .png) A sliver of yellow and white comes into view some distance down the road, her figure silhouetted by the lights emanating from the airport entrance. HISAO: "Lilly! Lilly! Lilly! Stop, please! Lilly!" Come on Lilly, I know your hearing's far beyond nor— .png) HISAO: "Gah!" My view suddenly spins out of control and ends up on the ground, my body haphazardly sprawled after hitting someone and stumbling over. Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds, Heartbeat) Before I can assess the damage, an unbelievable pain ignites in my body. All my thoughts are blanked as I curl up and frantically clutch at my chest. ???: "Hey, are you okay? That was a really bad fall." Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds, Heartbeat) This pain... I can't... HISAO: "Argh... aaaaaargh!" Any sharp knock could do me in. Any overexertion. I thought I could overcome my limits this once... Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds, Heartbeat) ???: "Something's wrong with him!" Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds, Heartbeat) ???: "What's the matter, are..." Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds, Two Heartbeats) The voices of those gathering around me are gradually replaced by a loud ringing in my ears. Katawa Shoujo OST - Friendship (Crowd Sounds Stop) .png) By now I'm unable to move my head, my eyes turn upwards to see the mute moving of their lips. Even as I clutch my chest, I realize I can't feel my fingers any more, nor my feet. It feels like my entire body is shutting down, starting from my extremities. .png) With one last effort, I turn my head down the road towards the airport entrance that's casting its light over me. Lilly is there, behind the crowd. Her head is tilted, but only just slightly. I can feel my vision dimming as I try to yell out, but nothing emerges from my mouth despite my best efforts. Slowly but surely, my vision begins to black out the scene before me. .png) So... this is how it ends. I failed. I was so close, so very close, but at the very last moment my condition seized my chance at a new life and dragged me back. Now I'm going to die, sprawled out just meters from an airport, with a crowd of babbling people surrounding me and with Lilly leaving for Scotland just a little distance ahead. HISAO: "Li... lly..." That last word extinguishes the last of my energy. The world falls into a deep, inescapable blackness as every muscle in my body shuts down. (Silence) I'm sorry, Lilly. I was too late.
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Feb 21, 2022 20:58
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(Just so we are completely clear, Hisao did not die in this update. Uh. Spoilers!)
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Feb 21, 2022 21:02
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Imagine if he did, though. What a power move from the writers that would be.
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Feb 21, 2022 21:40
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Spector29 posted:Imagine if he did, though. What a power move from the writers that would be.
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Feb 21, 2022 23:10
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Spector29 posted:Imagine if he did, though. What a power move from the writers that would be. Imagine if this was the bad ending though. Hisao messes up with Lilly, pushes himself too hard, and then literally dies because of it. That would be horrifying especially for a first-time player. What if this was their first route?!
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Feb 22, 2022 00:20
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I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get to have Hisao going "follow that car!"
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Feb 22, 2022 00:21
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Better late than never, Hisao...I think...
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Feb 22, 2022 07:54
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Hisao posted:
Yes...yes you are Hisao... You have a cell phone and a heartcondition, so naturally you use the phone to get a taxi to rush you around town only to run through a gauntlet of physical punishment while the adrenaline alone tries to kill you. You have her phone number, call her and ask her to wait for you so you don't kill yourself running to her. Sure you might expect a higher chance of failing to convince her to stay. You might also reduce the chance of you lying on the floor of an airport on the edge of death.
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Feb 22, 2022 09:47
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Exposure to Lilly has given him romance novel brain, gotta be as dramatic as possible.
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Feb 22, 2022 21:45
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SimplyUnknown1 posted:Imagine if this was the bad ending though. Hisao messes up with Lilly, pushes himself too hard, and then literally dies because of it. That would be horrifying especially for a first-time player. What if this was their first route?! I think I said (or at least implied) way WAY back at the start of the LP I wasn’t sure if the Manly Picnic ending was the only time Hisao died in this game. I was misremembering this moment. Also, that’s the situation Hanako’s route put new readers in in the beta, which I think is part of why they scrapped it. YaketySass posted:Exposure to Lilly has given him romance novel brain, gotta be as dramatic as possible.
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Feb 23, 2022 03:54
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Update 126: Forwards, With Gusto! (Act 4, Scenes 11-13) Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time .png) (Silence) ... ...... ......... What's... going on...? As I slowly open my eyes, a bright, white light assaults my retinas. For minutes I just lay where I am, mindlessly staring ahead while my scattered thoughts coalesce in my slowly waking mind. Slowly but surely, the white begins to come into focus as a bare expanse begins to be drawn across my field of vision. .png) It's only when the light fixture comes into view that my mind clicks that this is the ceiling above me. .png) Slowly levering myself up, I silently absorb through all my senses the details of the room I'm in. The smell and taste of strong bleach hang in the air, lending the impression of a place just slightly too clean to be natural. Inoffensive pale peach-colored walls, all perfectly painted without a crack, stain or imperfection. A single framed painting hangs on the wall, perfectly straightened. Like the walls, it's as boring and inoffensive as can be. My attention's grabbed by the translucent curtain waving across my vision, my eyes following it to the open window it covers. When I move my right arm to try to lift myself up and look through it, I feel the catheter dig in uncomfortably. It's only now, too, that I notice the cannula tubes winding around my cheeks and into my nose. After some fidgeting, I settle for just looking around the corner of the window. .png) Beyond the thick leaves of several large trees, I can see the greenery below, backing out onto a field. A customary island of green on the outskirts of the city. Judging by the sun outside, it's noon. Of which day, though, I'm not sure. So... I'm in a hospital once again. I let out a long, tired breath as I try to collect my scattered thoughts, my mind seemingly cast in a dozen directions all at once with as many emotions running through me. After slowly lying back down, I decide to start at the beginning; why I'm here. I cast my mind back, but I can't work out a smooth recollection of what happened. The events of last night... or whichever night it was... come back more as a series of snapshots than any cohesive memory. The next several images are covered in brown, shifting static. :eng101.png) Lying on my bed looking at the origami bird. .png) Talking to Hideaki outside the Hakamichi residence. .png) Running down the street, passing pedestrians and bumping into more and more of them. Falling. .png) Looking up at the searingly bright airport entrance, seeing Lilly's back as I lay on the ground... ... The silence of the private room suddenly feels overwhelming. Katawa Shoujo OST - Caged Heart So that's it. I had my chance to correct my mistake, and I blew it. Whether I was at fault for neglecting my medication and disregarding to pace myself, or my body was for giving out so soon, it doesn't matter now. All that matters is that, once again, I'm alone. The pastel blue pillow yields with little resistance as I let myself fall back onto the bed, its starchy case, along with the starchy sheets, providing little comfort. Compared to the darkness of last night's events, the bright light of the room around me is striking. All it does, though, is emphasize how otherworldly places like this are. Arrhythmia. A strange word. A foreign, alien one. One that you don't want to be in the same room with. A rare condition. It causes the heart to act erratically and occasionally beat way too fast. It can be fatal. “It was a miracle that you were able to go on so long without anything happening,” they said. And then, it did. My condition had taken away everything; my old school was of no importance any more. My home was reduced to a faraway place. Both my friends and my first love simply stopped visiting after a length of time. I became cynical and embittered. Distant and subdued. In my defense, no person could avoid that after such a thing happening to them, but nonetheless I left the hospital as a very definitely changed person. Things changed. I made new friends in Hanako, Shizune and Misha. I found a new sense of “home” in my dormitory, a new interest in science and the world around me, and I found a direction to my life that I had never felt before. But I'd also discovered other things. The sense of isolation in Yamaku and its surrounds was not entirely unwelcome, the quiet giving a peace of mind I might not have found elsewhere, but it gave the area a feeling of being pushed out of the way, of being kept out of sight. People in the streets would sometimes glance awkwardly, or quickly turn their heads as they realized they were staring. Even if my condition wasn't visible, my uniform was. Even if it weren't, I was still different. I took seventeen pills a day, morning, midday and night. My scar, though hidden behind clothing, was still a permanent mark of my condition. And most of all, there was the very real possibility of death. A bad fall. An absentminded hard hit on the back. A simple sprint taken too far. Anything could have set my heart off, and several times I teetered on the edge of the abyss even with all the care I took of myself. But that was fine. I could have lived with all that. Because there was one final thing I'd found, or rather refound, after entering Yamaku. Which was once again snatched away before my eyes. It's only now that I realize just how delicate my newfound sense of happiness was. Everything depended on her, the linchpin of my life since I first entered Yamaku as a sullen, confused and aimless transfer student. Lilly Satou was the one person I could depend upon above all others, and who reciprocated the love that I felt for her. But I failed her, and only realized it all too late. I thought that I could just set my life up and continue that way forever, but the real world doesn't work like that. I finally realized the meaning of those words, only to be struck down as I confronted my failure to do so in time. … The surroundings I'm in now are all too familiar. It's as if Yamaku was but a dream, and I'm still recovering from my first major heart attack. Maybe that's why I feel so tired. It feels almost as if I've lived the entire last few months of my life in the space of minutes. The weight of my eyelids closes my eyes, my physical and mental exhaustion letting me offer no resistance. Unintelligible mumbling from ahead of the bed stirs me out of my sleep. With my eyes still closed, I can focus and make out someone, presumably a nurse, bidding farewell to a doctor. As I open my eyes, I notice the door closing in my peripheral vision. The doctor stands reading some notes off a clipboard held in his hand, carefully looking over the pages. After consulting his obviously very important documents, he looks up and notices my gaze. It's now that I notice something slightly odd about his expression and general disposition, but I can't quite put my finger on it. DOCTOR: "Ah, I see you're awake... Mr. Nakai." His quick glance to my bed end, to verify my name, shows that his documents obviously didn't have it written on them. DOCTOR: "I must admit this is a bit unfortunate; your parents visited just earlier while you were asleep. I could notify them you're awake now, if you'd like." HISAO: "Um... thanks. That would be good." I give a somewhat dazed reply, most likely the one he'd expect, before really thinking about what I'm saying. DOCTOR: "Not a problem. If you have any questions you'd like to ask, I'll be happy to answer them. That is, unless you'd prefer to rest; the anaesthetic's still going to be affecting you a bit, I'm afraid." The anaesthetic... of course. That'd be why I felt so strange the first time I woke up. I slowly shake my head, not wanting to dislodge any pipes or cause myself any more discomfort than necessary. The doctor politely puts down his clipboard in response. HISAO: "I guess my main question is... what exactly happened?" DOCTOR: "To put it simply, you've unfortunately had another heart attack. While not as severe as your first, you were very lucky it occurred so close to a hospital. After being stabilized, you were taken to the operating room. What followed was keyhole surgery in order to insert a temporary pacemaker. All in all, the incident happened two days ago, with emergency treatment being carried out very soon afterward. Since then, we've kept you under close observation while you were asleep." HISAO: "Will I be all right? Are there any lasting problems?" DOCTOR: "Compared to the procedure carried out for your first heart attack, this was relatively minor. While you will have to undergo surgery once more in a few days' time to remove the pacemaker, assuming there are no complications, there should be no lasting implications." He continues talking, the subject shifting to a repetition of facts about arrhythmia and my medications that I already know for the most part. I start to nod and feign interest, while my mind drifts. I begin to think about how perfectly hung the inoffensive painting hanging on the wall behind his shoulder is, and how neat and sterile the surroundings are, even including the doctor himself. DOCTOR: "If my mumbling bores you, you are quite welcome to say so, Mr. Nakai. Lord knows, I lose track of myself sometimes." He gives a short chuckle at his self-deprecating joke as I grimace awkwardly, having been rather badly caught out. The doctor's chuckle sounds different from that of the nurse at Yamaku though, come to think of it. As I ponder why, I realize why the man in front of me feels just that little bit “off”. His smile is neat and sterile. He delivers his little joke perfectly, with a customary inoffensive chuckle. It is like, rather than talking to the man whose name is neatly printed on the nametag pinned to his lab coat, I'm merely interacting with an actor reading off a prerehearsed script, every action having been choreographed beforehand. I suppose he has to be this way though, being a doctor. He has to keep his neat and sterile smile when chatting to the girl with cancer slowly spreading through her body, when reassuring the woman who'll surely die from childbirth, and with every other terminally and critically ill patient. That little bit of distance. That little bit of aloofness. It makes me wonder if I've been too harsh, especially considering it's a disposition far from being adopted only by people in his profession. After all, the one I loved kept that same distance from others herself. Looking up to the doctor again, I realize I've been in thought with my head bowed for some time. DOCTOR: "I understand you must still be tired. You've been through a lot, and as I mentioned before, the anaesthetic would still be affecting you. If you don't mind, I'll let you get some rest and tell your parents you've woken up for you." HISAO: "I think... that would be good. Thank you." (Silence) He gives a curt nod before picking up his clipboard and making his way to the large white door in the corner of the room, closing it behind him with a thud. In the end, I'm alone again. Lilly's gone. Akira's gone. Hanako would be traveling, and even my parents have already left the hospital. Four pale peach walls, one white ceiling, and a single open window to look out towards the world outside. It's hard to think of the future when the past is crowded around you, claustrophobic in its neat, sterile, starchy, bleach-smelling grip. Lost for what to do or focus on, I content myself with sleeping the time away as if this were all just another dream like Yamaku had been. .png) White. A sterile, clean white for a sterile, clean room. My eyes open, and I simply stare at the ceiling for some time. It's about as interesting at the television would be, mounted in its metal rack hanging off the ceiling ahead of the bed. Indeed, the television saw its entire use during the time my parents were here. Left on quietly as they waited for me to wake, it was about as banal as it had been the first time I'd ended up in the hospital. Earlier today an attending nurse had offered to turn off the EKG's speakers. I refused simply because the sound is so entirely normal to me now. It's almost comforting, in a way. The metronome-like regularity gives at least some feeling that time is moving, even in a place such as this. After some time of listening to its beeping while I fully awaken, though, I realize there's another sound in the room. Katawa Shoujo OST - Sarabande from BWV1010 (Music Box Theme) (Muffled) Concentrating all my efforts on listening, a task made rather easy by the lack of distractions, a tiny tinny melody can be heard. Light and quiet, the music sounds almost fragile as it's dwarfed by the EKG's pulses. Tilting my head just slightly to the side in an effort to see the source of the melody without dislodging any of the sensors and pipes stuck onto me, I notice a little wooden box sitting on the nightstand next to the bed. Katawa Shoujo OST - Sarabande from BWV1010 (Music Box Theme) .png) My mouth opens just slightly while I silently watch the tiny yellow metal drum slowly rotate inside, the little bumps on its surface gradually moving in and out of sight. This music box... it's the one I gave... The creaking of the door breaks me out of my reverie, my head and heart remaining still as my eyes turn to see who comes through. Long tan skirt... peach off-the-shoulder sweater... pale, almost porcelain skin... blue clouded eyes and long, yellow hair... .png) All I can do is stare as Lilly slowly walks into the room, her fingers lightly running over the wall for orientation, and my mind comes to a shuddering halt. HISAO: "L... Lilly...?" She stops midstride, her entire body tensing. LILLY: "Hisao? Was that you?" Her voice is quiet and pensive, echoing her expression. HISAO: "I thought you were..." Lilly takes one tentative step forward, then another, as if she were holding herself back. Her control over her composure is for naught though, and she finally rushes over to where I lay as the last of her resistance falls. .png) I'm slightly taken aback when she grabs hold of me, hunching over as tears begin to fall from her cheeks, since only minutes ago I thought she was on the other side of the world. After a moment of hesitation, I rest my right hand on her soft shoulder. LILLY: "Hisao! Hisao!" Lilly's body trembles as her tears blot the dark blue sheets, her emotions flooding through her carefully maintained exterior. With her face now closer, and made easier to see for her pale skin being lit by the sunlight from the window, I notice her cheeks being redder than they should be. HISAO: "It's okay, Lilly. I'm okay. You don't need to—" .png) She rights herself quickly, her crying forcefully stifled with both sadness and stubbornness remaining in her moistened eyes. Her prideful nature, always having been something to contend with, takes me off guard. LILLY: "Stop telling me not to worry about you, Hisao! Just this once... let me cry..." I'm caught speechless. She waits for a response, but her composure breaks again after a handful of seconds. I swallow hard to try and settle my own emotions while she weeps onto my bed, a strange mixture of relief and depression welling up. Lilly's... here. She's really here. If I couldn't feel her skin under my hand, I'd hardly believe my own eyes. My efforts weren't for nothing; my body's attempt to take away everything that was important to me once again has been foiled. But now... I don't feel as happy about it as I thought I would. Seeing her here, crying like this over me... this is the one thing I'd wanted to avoid since coming to love her, no, even since leaving the hospital. HISAO: "I'm sorry, Lilly. It's my fault I'm here; I shouldn't have tried to push myself so far." I give a self-deprecating snort. HISAO: "After months of keeping myself together so nobody'd worry over me, I went and did something like this. I guess I'm pretty dumb." With a couple of sniffs and a long breath, Lilly manages to pull herself together and calm down a little. Despite her red cheeks, moist eyes and the lines of her tears still visible, she delicately wears that weak smile she seemed to so often give. LILLY: "You needn't blame yourself. I heard later that it happened as you were running down the road after me, right?" HISAO: "Still..." She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, returning more to her old self as the rush of emotions wears off. LILLY: "Why did you run after me, Hisao?" I move to respond, but notice her face tightening. LILLY: "Even after I'd said goodbye, and I'd left Yamaku Academy..." She takes a moment to steady herself, her emotions almost bubbling up once again. HISAO: "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." LILLY: "Sorry?" HISAO: "For the times when I wasn't there when you needed me. Until now, I thought you just being there would be enough. I only needed you by my side to make any day feel better. Even if my body may be like this, I want to help you, Lilly; to be there when you need someone." LILLY: "But you always were there, Hisao..." HISAO: "Why did you want to go to Scotland, Lilly?" LILLY: "Why...? I told you before: because Akira was going, and because of my family's summons to their home." HISAO: "Why didn't you say that you wanted to go?" LILLY: "I—" HISAO: "I'm not stubborn often, but this one time I think I need to be. I want you to stay here, Lilly. I want you to stay where everyone you know lives, and where all your dreams and ambitions were made. If you choose to stay, I'll never leave your side. I won't let you lose another person. When I had my heart attack, I was snatched away from everyone and everywhere I knew. You showed me a new life after I came to Yamaku. I'd lost my past, but you showed me a future. It's true that I haven't always been there for you. I'm unreliable, sometimes I lied, and I thought I'd come to understand you when I hadn't even understood myself. Be that as it may, I want to give you a future as well. I want to be there for you, to share both your burdens and your happiness, just like I promised back in Hokkaido. I want you to trust me. I know I had problems coming to put my trust in you, after losing so many people I'd known after my heart attack, but that's how I know that being unable to trust others can feel awful. That's why I can't watch you just throw everything away like this. I never want you to go through what I did. I would do anything to stop that." LILLY: "You can be quite steadfast when you want to be, can't you?" HISAO: "As I said, it isn't often." My weak smile drops, though, as the IV in my arm digs in a little. It's a harsh reminder of my tether to my condition. Lilly's face tenses as I let out a small gasp of pain, immediately making me wish I'd stifled it better. All I can do is sigh in defeat. HISAO: "I tried to not let anyone worry over me for the entire time since I left the hospital, but I can't even stop the one person I love most from crying over me. Even if I might finally be able to put my feelings into words, I feel pretty useless with a body like this. Every time I tried to reach towards something, it was just snatched away, and even now things only turned out for the better due to luck. I guess that's something else I should apologize for. All I can ever do is make you worry. Even now, there's very little chance I'll live anywhere near a full life." The feeling of Lilly's warm, soft hand moving over my left cheek makes me lift my head up, her smile gentle and warm as she touches me. LILLY: "I think that is something very natural for you to say. You were always so sincere and self-conscious. You were also reserved and mild-mannered, and patient to a fault with Hanako, yet curious about everything and everyone. When I said I missed you while I was with my family, I wasn't lying or exaggerating. The thought of you was never far from my mind, and helped me through that time. That's why I was so confused about what to do when my family summoned me. Even after I thought I had made my decision, you tried your hardest to challenge me about it.” .png) LILLY: "I didn't confess to you out of pity or believing you were somehow different from what you are. I confessed because I never want to lose you, and want you to always be a part of my life, no matter what might change.” .png) LILLY: "You are a very beautiful person, Hisao. Your heart changes none of that, so please, don't apologize for yourself any more.” For a long time, silence reigns in the room. I'm not really sure what this newly born feeling inside of me is, but it pales into insignificance as I wordlessly gaze at Lilly's smiling face, warm and gentle as it has always been. It's only as her thumb crosses my cheek, wiping away a single drop of moisture, that I realize this is all I've ever wanted. For what feels like the first time, I give an earnest, wide smile. As Lilly feels it against her palm, she returns the gesture. More time passes before either of us says a word, neither of us needing speech to communicate our feelings to each other. HISAO: "I know I can't promise you that I'll always be around, or that we'll be together forever." With some difficulty I slowly lift my hand, placing it on her pale shoulder. HISAO: "But... I think I can at least take you to next year's Tanabata festival, to make up for making you miss this year's." Lilly's expression is one of surprise, though I can't say I blame her. LILLY: "You... remembered that?" HISAO: "I've got a pretty good memory. Sometimes." She raises her head a little and takes her hand from my cheek, giving a small, amused giggle. I smile absentmindedly at how earnest it is, almost girlish in its lightness. Still smiling warmly, she collects herself and stands upright with a hand resting on my chest. It feels like I'm seeing her for the first time, the sun from the window glowing behind her just as it did when I first walked into that room where she was drinking tea. LILLY: "Very well then. Shall we make it a promise between the both of us to go to next year's Tanabata together?" Even if she can't see me doing so, I nod approvingly. HISAO: "I promise." LILLY: "I promise." Katawa Shoujo OST - Romance in Andante And so, the credits roll one last time. Just as always, 4 Leaf Studio’s names and handles scroll by as we see glimpses of Lilly’s (in this case) concept art..png) And with the final title card, we end the route. Except, not quite. Katawa Shoujo OST - Concord (Lilly’s Theme) (Nature Sounds) .png) Akira, Lilly and I silently sit on the grassy embankment high above the local town, the breeze gently blowing through the cloudless sky. We may be just a few minutes' walk from town, on a hill just outside its limits, but the view is entirely unexpected. .png) Lilly sits beside me, her eyes closed, as the gentle breeze flows through her hair. LILLY: "This is a nice area." HISAO: "Yeah. I never knew a place like this was anywhere near Yamaku." .png) AKIRA: "And I had to be the one to find it, of course." Akira's grin is genuine, but her tone is slightly different from her usual carefree nature. AKIRA: "It's good that you're outta the hospital though, Hisao." HISAO: "Nobody's more glad than I am. I can't stand hospitals." AKIRA: "So, you two going back to the school tomorrow?" HISAO: "Yup." LILLY: "Yup." Akira chuckles in amusement before looking back out to the town below, the trees between the buildings swaying in the wind. HISAO: "Pity we couldn't go up north for the summer holidays, or get to Tanabata." LILLY: "I wouldn't worry, there's always next time." AKIRA: "You'll be graduating before the next summer vacation, won't ya?" HISAO: "Yeah. There'll still be college after that, mind." AKIRA: "Going to the same one?" LILLY: "Likely. We both have high enough scores to meet the entry requirements." HISAO: "You sound so sure..." LILLY: "Don't worry, you're better than I in most subjects." HISAO: "I guess we'll work it out in due time." AKIRA: "That's the way. Just enjoy yourselves in Yamaku while you're there." Lilly gives a sad sigh at the distinction made between Akira and the two of us. LILLY: "Do you really need to go back to Scotland?" AKIRA: "Yeah. The folks are already out for my blood as it is." HISAO: "You weren't meant to stay this long?" She gives her trademark wide grin. AKIRA: "Setting my boyfriend up with a passport took some time." HISAO: "You're taking him with you?" AKIRA: "Just for a while at first. He's a surprisingly worldly guy, so I think he'll do just fine." Akira gives an amused snort. AKIRA: "If our father had his way, I'd have gone a long while ago. I just couldn't pass up an excuse to stay with my favorite little sister a little while longer though." She leans right and gives Lilly a tight playful hug, cheering her up considerably. LILLY: "It's nice to be with you one last time, though." HISAO: "For what it's worth, I'm in the same boat." AKIRA: "Heh, thanks you two. I'll try and come back sometime, don't worry." LILLY: "It's a shame that the business keeps you so busy." AKIRA: "The place won't run itself, I'm afraid, and I think it's going to be just the same over there. Considering that, I'd better get going." HISAO: "Have fun over there, Akira." AKIRA: "Haha, will do." With a slight grunt, she lifts herself with her hands and stands up, dusting herself off as she does so. AKIRA: "Well, I'd better be off. The plane won't wait for me, after all." She has a certain unusual wistfulness in the tone of her voice, her eyes firmly planted on her sister. LILLY: "I'll be okay, Akira." AKIRA: "Yeah, I know." LILLY: "Come now, it isn't that bad. You'll be able to see us again soon." It is strange to have Lilly reassuring a doubting Akira for once. She really has changed. LILLY: "Goodbye, Akira." HISAO: "'Bye." For a second, the dark-clad figure looks down at the both of us, smiling widely. Perhaps more widely than I've ever seen her do before. She lets out a long, slightly wavering breath to steady herself before leaving, but eventually slips her hand in her pocket and turns on her heel. And with that she walks away, one hand held in the air as she goes. AKIRA: "Seeya later, you two!" "A jazz tune with no beat, melody or direction to the very end. After a few moments of sitting silently, Lilly and I pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off. Turning towards her with a broad smile, I hold out my hand. HISAO: "Shall we be off, then?" She takes my hand in hers, with a gentle nod and a smile as beautiful and warm as ever. LILLY: "Indeed we shall, Hisao." .png) As we set off towards the school, that wonderful smile engraves itself onto my memory. That wonderful smile that we both share. Our pasts may be scattered and at times overshadowed by sadness, but they're also an irrevocable part of our lives and personalities. Even if I could change a single thing, I wouldn't, because my past was what led me here. That's why, even with all that's happened to us before, and all that may well befall us... together, we'll keep walking forwards. Forwards... towards the future. Our future. THE END Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 18:04 on Feb 24, 2022 |
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Feb 23, 2022 17:00
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyy
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Feb 23, 2022 23:50
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I like how they let you stew for a bit before Lilly comes back. When I replayed this recently I was legit wondering if I'd messed one of the choices up. It gives you a chance to reflect that you wouldn't have if Lilly was just there holding Hisao's hand when he woke up. This route's definitely the most stereotypical love story, but that makes the times it deviates from the formula stand out even more.
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Feb 24, 2022 01:36
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I was an absolute wreck reading these last parts of Lilly's route. They really nailed that feeling of the last moments of a relationship that was ending not because either person wanted it to, but because they'd be living just too far apart. It really stirred up memories of when I finished Uni. I was looking to get into game dev, and didn't know where I'd be able to get a job. (This was in the days when there was still a games industry in Australia.) My girlfriend at the time still had a few years to go on her degree. Neither of us wanted to, but we had to break up at the end of that year. In my case though there was no Happy End: no dramatic, romantic "I've changed my mind" rush to the airport or whatever to catch them just in the nick of time, before they leave forever. Instead it was just one last night together, and that was it. The alarm going off in the morning was like a punch in the guts. I was distraught; I started crying and couldn't stop. But we said goodbye, she drove away, and I never saw her again. That was an excruciating time, those first few months. Man, shock and anxiety can really do a number on you physically. I actually started losing massive amounts of hair. Like, I'd wash my hair in the shower and my hands would come away just matted with it; completely covered. (I didn't lose all my hair or anything, and still haven't. It stabilised, and instead just started receding very slowly over the years. I have to assume though that if I didn't suffer so severely from depression and anxiety, that probably wouldn't have happened, and instead I'd be like my brother. He's only two years younger than me, and doesn't have any grey or lost hair.) So that - along with the ever-present undiagnosed social anxiety disorder - was the backdrop to me starting to look for work after finishing Uni. A really rough time. If I'd known ahead of time that Lilly's route would stir that kind of thing up for me, I don't know... maybe I wouldn't have read it. Seems like it points to it being well-written, though? I don't know that either; I think I have a hard time being objective about parts of Katawa Shoujo (e.g. Hanako) because of how much I relate to them for different reasons, and this was one of those parts. Still, I felt a bit better at hitting the obviously good ending of Lilly's route (much more obvious than, say, Rin's route) - something about it being the only route with a post-credits scene was reassuring. I think it makes it feel like the best route to end on, too - and that's how it panned out for me: Hanako, Emi, Shizune/Rin (can't remember the order there), and finally Lilly.
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Feb 24, 2022 10:26
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Update 127: Lilly, Assumptions, and Being the Protagonist Who would’ve thought we get this far into this romantic visual novel before we found the romance novel? As several people in the thread have commented, Lilly’s route is very much a pastiche of classic 19th century romance novels (British ones especially), stealing themes, tropes, and even plot points from the genre. Note how I said pastiche, not parody; it embraces and makes use of those clichés quite elegantly. Really, every route is built on a visual novel stock character or genre: the traumatized wallflower, the manic pixie dream artist, the cheerful girl with a dark past, the assertive girl that probably wants to step on you. It’s just that here they draw on a much older genre that already informed visual novels directly. Except, take a look at the Wikipedia pages of most classic romance novels, specifically the parts about their reception and themes. You’ll notice that, while many of them weren’t written to do this specifically, all the ones that stuck around took apart some aspect of the genre, whether it’s Jane Eyre’s examination of what abiding by gender roles actually does to a person or Pride and Prejudice bringing the bad boy archetype to heel. Something about forcing characters to come to grips with their assumptions in a genre full of assumptions gives these works real staying power, enough that centuries later imitators are popular enough to spawn some really nitpicky readers. And there’s something that Lilly’s route shares with those works: it embraces the conventions of its genre while inverting one of its key assumptions. It’s just that inversion happens with something that defines visual novels. Update 6 posted:I gingerly push on the center of the door with my fingertips, every muscle in my arm ready to pull back at a moment's notice. The feeling of being an outsider to this school can't be shaken from my mind, so much so that I instinctively fear doing something wrong by entering. In practice, formality is usually used as a way to divide people into groups: emotionally close or emotionally distant, reputable or disreputable, respectable or worthy of respect, and any number of other dichotomies key off how formally to people act towards each other. But in theory, formality exists to give social situations form. When exercised with enough forbearance and openness instead of judgment and condescension, you can use formality to build a sense of the good kind of predictability in a social interaction, the kind where serenity permeates the room, where negative interactions are politely ignored while positive interactions are celebrated, where all participants are equals because the situation demands it. Lilly is a master of this kind of formality. To some extent, it’s the bedrock of her personality. She is both classy and humane, and those traits shape all of her behavior. Update 38 posted:
The trouble is, Lilly’s attitude isn’t universal. She can’t use her graciousness to navigate her way out of any problem. This sequence, from Lily heading into town with Hisao to the three parting ways for the night, serves a lot of purpose in the game, but importantly for us, it shows Lilly’s limits: she can’t always control the situation, she can’t always read others correctly, and when she does, she can’t always anticipate the effects her actions have on others. While, yeah, that goes for everybody, her standard approach to others requires her doing all three consistently. She can’t always pull it off. Update 111 posted:
She knows it, too. For someone everyone seems to like, she sure doesn’t have many actual friends. Until Hisao enters the picture, the only person she spends much time with is Hanako, who appreciates the environment she creates as it’s comfortable and predictable. She spends time with Akira and she used to spend time with Shizune, but she grew up with both of them and already knows what they’re about. The bulk of her social circle used to be the Student Council and now is her class, and in both cases she’s an authority figure with defined tasks. Before Hisao, she refused every romantic opportunity she had in favor of nursing a crush on a teacher she knew better than to pursue. At the start of the route, Lilly is a creature of expectations, most comfortable in defined situations. Update 122 posted:Raising an eyebrow, I do as she requests. I have no idea what she has in mind, and my questions only increase as I peek out from one eye. Taking the black ribbon she usually wears in her hair from the cabinet beside her bed, she advances towards me while running it through her fingers to remove any stray hairs remaining on the piece of cloth. As Hisao and Lily get to know each other better, we learn there’s a lot more to “creature of expectations” then just the social aspect – and we begin to realize just how many Hisao’s bringing to the table. As a blind person, Lilly navigates her surroundings partly by memory; she needs things to stay in their places so she doesn’t collide with random objects or start using the caraway only to find somebody switched it around with the cinnamon. However, all of her expectations – social, personal, environmental – serve a purpose. She’s polite because it helps her deal with people. She sticks to familiar surroundings because they’re easier to walk around. She is quite aware of her limitations, but she’s embraced them so fully she uses them to her advantage. Update 107 posted:Katawa Shoujo OST - Ease (Crowd Sounds) Like so. Hisao feels like he’s entering Yamaku in a state of pure flux, but he’s not; he’s watching his expectations of disabled life fall apart and get reassembled. That’s fair, it’s a major shock. Trouble is, he ends reassembling them a little too quickly and lets some real problems slip in. Update 116 posted:
He accepts that he’s disabled plenty, but he doesn’t internalize his disability like Lily does until the end of the route. Instead of viewing his heart condition as a fact of life like Lily treats her blindness, he talks about it almost like it’s a moral failing, apologizing when it holds him back and trying to push past it for the sake of others as if that’s the kind of thing you do with a heart condition. Lily does gently try to break him of that habit, but she never makes any headway. On a fundamental level, Hisao doesn’t comprehend what his condition actually entails until he ends up in the hospital again. It’s why he has more heart flutters in this route than any two others combined. Update 123 posted:
Thing is, while Lilly isn’t restricted by assumptions of about her disability, that doesn’t mean she’s in the clear. While she embraces the expectations brought to her character, she seems happiest when she’s playing with or defying them: pouting like a kid when she gets called on something, kissing a guy on the cheek when he wasn’t expecting it, being openly affectionate with Hanako, teasing people about her blindness, having sex with her crush on the floor within hearing distance of their friend before formally asking him out. When the call comes for her to move to Scotland, Lilly feels compelled to comply. It’s what’s expected of her. It’s what she has to do, so she complies and her and the people around her suffer. Update 124 posted:(Silence) Getting the Good Ending for Lilly’s route requires defying propriety in subtle ways. Every choice that leads to the Good Ending has Hisao refusing to hide behind politeness: telling Lily what he thinks about her resilience, telling her what’s on his mind even when he doesn’t want her to know, opening up to her about his past. Unlike every other route in the game, Lilly’s does not have a clearly defined Bad or Neutral Ending. If you keep any of those things to yourself, all stuff that you’re well within your rights not to share if you aren’t comfortable with it, you just get a game over when Lilly leaves, ending the route early. If you open up about everything, be honest and forthright and not hide anything because you’re embarrassed or don’t want to burden her, you continue the route with a Hisao who’s had his expectations of his new life weakened enough to let him defy his fate. So he gives himself a heart attack. Update 126 posted:
In most routes, for all that they stress the girls’ agency and responsibility in improving their lives, Hisao drives the plot. He enters their lives and causes them to react, setting the plot in motion and determining their fate (at least in the short term) by which questions he asks and which responses he gives. This isn’t a bad thing, even Shizune’s route handles Hisao’s position as most active part of the plot gracefully, it’s just a feature of how the game works. But Lilly’s route works differently. Go back and look at the choices we made: almost all of them, including all the ones that matter, cover ways Hisao can respond to Lilly’s questions or behavior rather than the other way around. She proposes the vacation, she initiates sex, she receives the summons and fails to break it to her friends. In this route, Lilly, not Hisao, is the protagonist, at least on a structural level. So when Hisao runs off to claim the girl and earn his happy ending, he gives himself a heart attack and ends up hospital-bound while Lilly ties up the plot offscreen. We don’t see the action of the plot – Lily deciding to stay, what she said to her parents and her sister, what arrangements she made, anything – because that’s protagonist business. Hisao gets the girl not by seizing control of the narrative, but by facilitating Lilly’s character development. He is fundamentally a reactive force in this route, which is what makes it a good pastiche of a classic romance novel; it doesn’t just use the clichés right, it inverts some of the genre’s assumptions and forces its characters to accept those assumptions were wrong to get their happy ending. And that’s where the route falls short, because getting into it means seeing someone triggering a life-threatening disability as romantic. That’s kind of a troublesome thing to ask, especially given the entire rest of the game (and the route). Like it or not, the narrative rewards Hisao for hurting himself. You really can’t get around that. There’s plenty of nuance there, but that fact kind of weakens the message. Update 126 posted:
For all that, this is still one of the most satisfying endings of the game. Stupid risk or not, Hisao symbolically finally comes to accept his disability by walking back towards Yamaku hand-in-hand with Lilly. Akira gets her hands on a visa for her boyfriend, Hanako strikes out on her own, Lilly and Shizune reconcile (a bit) – the plot threads the route lays out her all tied up as our protagonist and her boyfriend walk almost literally into the sunset. It all comes elegantly to a close, and with it, the game itself. As usual, this analysis skipped over a few things, most blatantly much Lilly’s blindness played into the day-to-day of the route and how little it mattered on a thematic level. Like, I literally forgot to mention her blindness in the first draft of this thing because I was looking elsewhere. E: I also missed a brilliant element that Cobalt-60 pointed out: Cobalt-60 posted:If a video game ever came close to making me cry, this was it. I've been trying to think of exactly why this route hit me so much harder, and I have an idea. People have said that this is different from the other routes; Hisao doesn't really learn a lesson, or change, or or do anything to "earn" the ending. And I think that is the point. One of the lessons we've been learning has been acceptance; of people, of health, of disabilities, of change, of things going wrong. And now, we need to learn to accept when things go right. Which, honestly, is the hardest lesson to learn. It's hard to believe you deserve good thing when you've been told so many times why you don't. You're a screw-up; you're a sinner; you're weird; it's inconvenient; you're a burden; others are more important; you blew your chance; you're a creep; the time is past; you came up short; they can't be bothered; no one knows what you want; no one cares what you want. The list goes on and on... The idea that people are deserving of love seems obvious in theory, but so rarely practiced. More to the point, I could have also talked about what exactly Lily’s formality means and how Lilly came to be who she is in the game. Lily is (and forgive me for linking TVTropes but they have the best explanation of the concept out there) an interpretation of the Yamato Nadeshiko archetype, right down to the compulsive “my, my”. Whether she was like this when her parents left Japan or whether she consciously adopted it, how her biracial heritage played into embracing such a strongly Japanese concept (even if it has British equivalents), how it reflects on her found family in Hisao and Hanako, and what role it played in her both accepting her parents’ offer to leave Japan and ultimately defying it are all strong enough questions to support essays on their own. Likewise, you could talk about her and Shizune, how her relationship with Hanako develops differently in each of their routes, and whether I was hallucinating the CG of Lilly with woad and claymore striding across the moors I swear the game showed my first time playing this route when she said she was part Scottish. Or you could talk about how she seems to drive a lot of fanfiction, everything from heartfelt romantic crossovers with loving Worm of all things to readable but baffling pieces about time loops. But if we’re talking fanfiction and Lilly, I’d be remiss not to mention Sisterhood, the standout work of the KS fandom. While technically a follow-up to Hanako’s route instead of Lilly’s, it keys so heavily off the latter’s route I couldn’t recommend it in good conscience until we finished both of them. It bills itself as an epilogue to Hanako’s route, but it’s substantially longer than the route in question; it takes us from the moment the route ends through the next couple years, taking time to focus on Hanako’s gradual, halting progress and developing Lily’s family into characters in their own right. It’s heartwarming, engaging, and occasionally deeply uncomfortable in the way good literature can be when it tears apart something you thought was true. If you’re looking for more KS to read, Sisterhood is where you should start. Until then, don’t leave the thread quite yet. We have one more update to go, a conclusion that will go up on Monday. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 17:52 on Mar 3, 2022 |
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Feb 25, 2022 21:16
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While there's a post left, all the narratives are over so let me thank you for your LP and analysis of this little gem of a game. It was certainly enlightening and very uncomfortable at times. Or in other words: Omobono posted:The 4chan porn game with a slur as a title should not be making me feel feelings dammit
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Feb 25, 2022 21:40
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Falconier111 posted:Update 127: Lilly, Assumptions, and Being the Protagonist This was a really good analysis! I think you really hit some things about formality here and how Lilly uses that formality. I definitely get that - my social class and background meant I spent a fair few years as functionally a servant and I tend to dial my level of formality to suit not my own preferences but the particular room I find myself in. It's a part of communication and sometimes you want to communicate different things. Of course Japanese formality works quite differently than English formality - while 'iku' vs 'ikimasu' indicates a difference in the general formality to the whole conversation, the majority of Japanese formality just doesn't work like that and it's impossible to tell if she's using sonkeigo or kenjougo more than the other students. It seems unlikely - there's no indication that she uses humbling language when talking about Hanako or Akira, for example. This is part of why this route felt the most overtly "written by an English speaker." A kind of interesting wrinkle here is that Hisao giving himself a heart attack as romantic gesture is very much Romantic, very much a part of the genre. You mention Jane Eyre, a story that not only has a pretty toxic love interest but also blinds a character as a sort of punishment for abuse (and heals it partially as an expression of love's redemptive possibility).
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Feb 25, 2022 21:44
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Alright so next up is the True Ending route where it turns out Hisao's been looping through time and that Miki was secretly the most important character all along and there's a three-hour segment in which Kenji reveals himself to have masterminded every major event in the plot and then thoroughly explains every single plot point all at once and everything gets wrapped up perfectly neatly except for one weird thing that will never, ever be explained.
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Feb 25, 2022 21:52
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EclecticTastes posted:everything gets wrapped up perfectly neatly except for one weird thing that will never, ever be explained. That one thing will be Kenji.
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Feb 25, 2022 22:10
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KENJI: My motives are.... complex.
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Feb 25, 2022 22:40
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If a video game ever came close to making me cry, this was it. I've been trying to think of exactly why this route hit me so much harder, and I have an idea. People have said that this is different from the other routes; Hisao doesn't really learn a lesson, or change, or or do anything to "earn" the ending. And I think that is the point. One of the lessons we've been learning has been acceptance; of people, of health, of disabilities, of change, of things going wrong. And now, we need to learn to accept when things go right. Which, honestly, is the hardest lesson to learn. It's hard to believe you deserve good thing when you've been told so many times why you don't. You're a screw-up; you're a sinner; you're weird; it's inconvenient; you're a burden; others are more important; you blew your chance; you're a creep; the time is past; you came up short; they can't be bothered; no one knows what you want; no one cares what you want. The list goes on and on... The idea that people are deserving of love seems obvious in theory, but so rarely practiced. In the end, it's about grace. A strange thing to see, but appropriate.
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Feb 26, 2022 00:32
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Cobalt-60 posted:If a video game ever came close to making me cry, this was it. I've been trying to think of exactly why this route hit me so much harder, and I have an idea. People have said that this is different from the other routes; Hisao doesn't really learn a lesson, or change, or or do anything to "earn" the ending. while the ending is more tragic romantic twist happy, I'm gonna disagree that at least in the good ending, Hisao does learn his lesson and realize what his missed opportunity was. The fact he pushes himself to a heart attack trying to correct it is another thing, but I don't actually believe he doesn't learn anything at all. Lily is still far more of the protagonist that Hisao of course.
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Feb 26, 2022 02:04
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Well, you can show me all the romance stories you want, but I still can't imagine being in a situation with mutual affection with someone who has an opportunity that involves needing to be away from me and me saying "Please stay with me instead of taking the opportunity."
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Feb 26, 2022 02:51
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Nidoking posted:Well, you can show me all the romance stories you want, but I still can't imagine being in a situation with mutual affection with someone who has an opportunity that involves needing to be away from me and me saying "Please stay with me instead of taking the opportunity." Keep in mind that this wasn't an "opportunity" from Lilly's perspective; she was summoned back by parents she barely knows and that are maybe implied to not really give a poo poo about her. Last time she was in Scotland, by her own admission, she was moping about how she wasn't back with Hisao in Japan. The main thrust of Hisao's revelation at the end is, hey, you're allowed to go for what you want. Lilly wants to stay, but she doesn't feel that she can, not because going to Scotland is actually important to anyone, but because someone else expects her to do what they told her to. Akira's the one with the opportunity, which she conveniently solves by bringing her boyfriend with her. I'd question how much say said boyfriend had in that decision, but from what we've seen of the Satou household, I'm guessing his reaction was "holy gently caress get me out of here, sorry Shizune you'll have to deal with Dad by yourself."
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Feb 26, 2022 02:57
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Nice analysis, I hadn't caught the "non-viewpoint character as protagonist" bit before. I'm still very torn on whether this route or Emi's is my favorite; I enjoy the spark of energy and snarking in Emi's, but this route does a wonderful job taking what should be "stock" romance writing ideas but executing them very well.Evil Kit posted:while the ending is more tragic romantic twist happy, I'm gonna disagree that at least in the good ending, Hisao does learn his lesson and realize what his missed opportunity was. The fact he pushes himself to a heart attack trying to correct it is another thing, but I don't actually believe he doesn't learn anything at all. I was pleased his thing he desperately had to tell her was apologizing for not supporting her instead of groveling to get her to stay; he could have skipped the heart attack by speaking up earlier instead of trying to be quietly accepting. I don't really see it as "Hisao gets a happy ending by messing up his heart", the heart attack was because he screwed up and had to try to talk to Lily last minute and I feel like the story recognizes it. I certainly don't think Lily stays out of pity for poor Hisao hurting himself; she stays because he finally had the honest conversation about wanting her to stay with her he should have done earlier (funny how that "be honest" theme keeps cropping up in this route...). EDIT: TooMuchAbstraction posted:Akira's the one with the opportunity, which she conveniently solves by bringing her boyfriend with her. I'd question how much say said boyfriend had in that decision, but from what we've seen of the Satou household, I'm guessing his reaction was "holy gently caress get me out of here, sorry Shizune you'll have to deal with Dad by yourself." Uh, I'm pretty confident THAT'S not her boyfriend; Akira is NOT going to be screwing an underage first cousin. MadDogMike fucked around with this message at 03:27 on Feb 26, 2022 |
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Feb 26, 2022 03:15
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MadDogMike posted:Uh, I'm pretty confident THAT'S not her boyfriend; Akira is NOT going to be screwing an underage first cousin. ...right, good point, I made an assumption because those two always seemed to end up paired together in scenes where they both show up. Whoops.
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Feb 26, 2022 04:01
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TooMuchAbstraction posted:...right, good point, I made an assumption because those two always seemed to end up paired together in scenes where they both show up. Whoops. Prior to the game's release (when Hideaki's age was unknown), a lot of the game's fans made the same assumption. But, like with everything else in KS, the devs avoided the obvious route.
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Feb 26, 2022 04:23
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