The most horrifying product characters of the 70s, 80s, & 90s

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > The most horrifying product characters of the 70s, 80s, & 90s

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LadyAmbien: Oct 22, 2015

I was just reminded of the Campbell's Soup Kids after seeing Asterios' awesome Campbell's Soup Photoshop post, and it made me think -
What other spokesperson-abominations of the 70s, 80s, and 90s existed that should have never been?

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:10

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# ? May 28, 2024 07:43

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:11

Diesel Fucker: Aug 14, 2003; I spent my rent money on tentacle porn.

What was the one with the horrific kid glaring at a pan of beans or something? I think that was from the 50's though.

Hahaha "Horrible Bean Advert" in Google found it.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:13

LadyAmbien: Oct 22, 2015

Lasher posted:

What was the one with the horrific kid glaring at a pan of beans or something? I think that was from the 50's though.

Hahaha "Horrible Bean Advert" in Google found it.

That kid has straight up Murder Eyes.

VendaGoat posted:

Someone on the SASS forums compared me to Mac Tonight. I feel #blessed.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:13

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

Fun fact: the whole "Adolph Hitler" craze of the 1940's was just an ad campaign for Bratwurst that spiraled out of control.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:15

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Lasher posted:

What was the one with the horrific kid glaring at a pan of beans or something? I think that was from the 50's though.

Hahaha "Horrible Bean Advert" in Google found it.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:16

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

My daughter makes this exact face when we make sandwiches for her.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:16

Constant Hamprince: Oct 24, 2010; by exmarx; College Slice

Applewhite posted:

My daughter makes this exact face when we make sandwiches for her.

Call a doctor, or possibly a priest.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:17

olaf2022: Feb 19, 2003; Fun Shoe

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:20

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Well this is recent but I loving hate orange slice beer mascot. It's not so much scary as annoying beyond belief. The facile attempts at bro chatter make me want to hit an orange slice in the mouth for the first time in my life. Or whatever advertising guy comes up with it. I'm really not too picky when it comes to this matter as long as I get to hit something that is responsible.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:21

gobbagool: Feb 5, 2016; by R. Guyovich; Doctor Rope

VendaGoat posted:

those kids are prob dead now

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:22

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etmC6tPaHSo

US McDonald ads from the 70s look like nightmare snuff films.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:27

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Lasher posted:

What was the one with the horrific kid glaring at a pan of beans or something? I think that was from the 50's though.

Hahaha "Horrible Bean Advert" in Google found it.

Lmao holy poo poo

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:31

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

gobbagool posted:

those kids are prob dead now

Yeah those drawings are dead.

How about every Sid & Marty creation ever?

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:33

Jmcrofts: Jan 7, 2008; just chillin' in the club; Lipstick Apathy

Nathilus posted:

Well this is recent but I loving hate orange slice beer mascot. It's not so much scary as annoying beyond belief. The facile attempts at bro chatter make me want to hit an orange slice in the mouth for the first time in my life. Or whatever advertising guy comes up with it. I'm really not too picky when it comes to this matter as long as I get to hit something that is responsible.

Shock Top is garbage too

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:35

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Oh also this will only make sense to Houston goons unless I explain a little. One of the first companies in Houston to offer furniture delivered to your house was gallery furniture.

Their face-man and I think owner is this dude named matress mack. He used to do these commercials that were all like WEHAVESOLIDWOODBEDROOOMSETS899, KITCHENSETS1299ANDTHISWEEKONLYMODULARSOFAS999! GALLERYFURINTURE SAVES! YOU! MONEEEEEY!

Like he was on all the coke in the world. And hell if you went in that joint he'd be there, doing store annoucements in the same way.

Until the early aughts. Either the great destroyer was catching up with him, his coke supply ran out or he got depression. Cuz the tagline turned into "gallery furniture saves... you............. money." and he started looking goddamn miserable all the time. LOL.

https://youtu.be/-uZphiFoGZ0

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:36

A Concrete Divider: Jan 20, 2012; The Unbearable Whiteness of Eating

VendaGoat posted:

Good ole "Cellophane" brand bread.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:38

Aesop Poprock: Oct 21, 2008; Grimey Drawer

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:40

Nathilus: Apr 4, 2002; I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Aesop Poprock posted:

Showbiz pizza? Also lol at that loving shirt.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:42

Carlos Lantana: Oct 2, 2003; I'm really sorry, your avatar is giving me a boner and while that is perfectly OK and I don't want to kink shame anyone, its making me feel really weird getting a boner in a Trump thread.

Sincerely,

Jailbrekr

Leon Einstein posted:

Yeah those drawings are dead.

How about every Sid & Marty creation ever?

Them and everything Hana Barbera ever shat out

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:47

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Aesop Poprock posted:

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:47

ChickenHeart: Nov 28, 2007; Take me at your own risk.; Kiss From a Hog

olaf2022 posted:

WE ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE, GEORGIE!!!

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:51

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

Aesop Poprock posted:

That shirt would be the single best thing about being named Richard. I would wear it every year.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:53

LadyAmbien: Oct 22, 2015

Mad Monk posted:

That shirt would be the single best thing about being named Richard. I would wear it every year.

Rich's birthday is soon. Should I have one made up?

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:54

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

LadyAmbien posted:

Rich's birthday is soon. Should I have one made up?

*Shaking magic 8 ball* All signs point to YES!

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:54

FedEx Mercury: Jan 7, 2004; Me bad posting? That's unpossible!; Lipstick Apathy

olaf2022 posted:

Why did they bothering drawing the bald cap on? This is just completely uncreative.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:55

dad gay. so what: Feb 18, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Mar 24, 2016 20:55

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

wtf

# ? Mar 24, 2016 21:17

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

# ? Mar 24, 2016 21:25

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

# ? Mar 24, 2016 21:28

Mordja: Apr 26, 2014; Hell Gem

Lasher posted:

What was the one with the horrific kid glaring at a pan of beans or something? I think that was from the 50's though.

Hahaha "Horrible Bean Advert" in Google found it.

That's not a child. It's a midget and probable sex-offender.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 21:31

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

man there were some hosed up cereals - it's no wonder so many 80's kids grew up to be sociopaths.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 21:38

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

LadyAmbien posted:

Rich's birthday is soon. Should I have one made up?

Only if we get to see him wear it

# ? Mar 24, 2016 21:41

Maldoror: Oct 5, 2003; by R. Guyovich; Nap Ghost

VendaGoat posted:

isn't that doug jones?

# ? Mar 24, 2016 22:09

Risky: May 18, 2003

ilovebeersooomuch posted:

man there were some hosed up cereals - it's no wonder so many 80's kids grew up to be sociopaths.

I literally got this cereal as a birthday gift from one of my dad's friends one year.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 22:27

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

# ? Mar 24, 2016 22:29

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

olaf2022 posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDWXGcsMTHw

# ? Mar 24, 2016 22:44

Egbert Souse: Nov 6, 2008

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fcn4p213Zg8

# ? Mar 24, 2016 22:48

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

What good are mascots without lore?

quote:

In the days of yore, a gracious King ruled the land with no greater concern than the nutrition of his people. His rule afforded the people a nutritious, multi-vitamin laden cereal and they, in turn, overlooked his penchant for scarves.

The sweet monarchy of taste appeased the citizens and they cried, �Alas, the King is bold, the King is brash! We love his sweet flavored corn chunks slithering from our rear end! Long live the King!�

But, a nefarious plan was a foot as the King�s once noble Jester, Riboflavin, held contempt for the King of Nutrition.

(In heavy British accent) �I hate that drat King! I, Riboflavin, am tired of occupying the second tier of nutritional value! You can�t have a healthy diet without Riboflavin!!�

While the King had always presided over his kingdom with a steady hand, some began to speculate that the lack of a �Queen Vitamin� alluded to his love for a Vitamin that isn�t included in the food pyramid; Man Sauce.

Riboflavin seized and spread this malicious rumor to the citizens of New Vitamin and soon the citizens were talking.

�The King is good, the King is great, but man on man rear end sex is something we all hate! This isn�t Rome, this isn�t Spain, a dick in the rear end causes tremendous pain! Down with the King!� Quietly adding, �If the guy would�ve just blown him that would�ve been cool.�

King Vitamin went to tremendous lengths to save face and regain the love of the people. In an attempt to relate to the people and their concerns the King infiltrated his own kingdom by forming a rock band called �King Diamond�, cleverly using a pseudonym to mask his true identity, and went on a 30 fiefdom tour. Surf and servants agreed; this King rocked!

�This King rocks hard and fast much unlike our King of rear end! Old man�s sphincter�s young mans balls, our King courts men, one and all!�

Even though he toured the world from 1983 to present, and sold 15 million records in the process, King Vitamin was unable to shake the false stigma of gayness that had unceasingly assailed him. And Riboflavin was pleased.
�Ha ha! The nutritional pyramid is mine!�

Sensing imminent defeat, the king went on to open a successful fast food restaurant cleverly called �Burger King�, and hosed Tara Reid like Tom Brady.

But nothing could compensate for the King�s skill at playing the skin flute. �Drat,� he thought. �I should�ve learned to play the bass.�

King Vitamin later killed himself.

# ? Mar 24, 2016 22:54

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# ? May 28, 2024 07:43

Linux Pirate: Apr 21, 2012

ilovebeersooomuch posted:

# ? Mar 24, 2016 22:57

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > The most horrifying product characters of the 70s, 80s, & 90s

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