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Comrade Koba
Jul 2, 2007

Wasn't it the Jerusalem LP where some king was cuckolded by a chubby 16-year old courtier, had the guy exiled, murders his wife, then one day he walks in on the same loving guy banging his new wife?

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Luhood
Nov 13, 2012

Comrade Koba posted:

Wasn't it the Jerusalem LP where some king was cuckolded by a chubby 16-year old courtier, had the guy exiled, murders his wife, then one day he walks in on the same loving guy banging his new wife?

Sure was! Pancrazio de Lombardia, the one and only! Lancelot of the East!

ninjahedgehog
Feb 17, 2011

It's time to kick the tires and light the fires, Big Bird.


Randarkman posted:

Some pages back someone mentioned a DLC portraits submod for this. Looking a bit into it I can only really find a CPRplus compatibility patch that was last updated in september and trying to run the mod with that one doesn't work that well. Anyone have a link to a current one that works?

Yeah that was me. The one I was using was AFAIK never updated for the new GOT mod version, but it mostly worked with some hiccups (dragons being displayed as children, for example).

I did find this, though, which seems to do mostly the same thing: http://agotcitadel.boards.net/thread/241/tubbs-faces-submod

I haven't used it, but if it's the same as the old one then be aware that all of the book/TV show characters were customized using the default portrait sets. So while everyone will, on average, look better (because the DLC portrait assets are just better than most of the vanilla ones) they almost certainly will look nothing like how the TV show pictures them or how they're described in the books. In my playthrough, for example, Tyrion had a pencil mustache and long, flowing Conan the Barbarian hair.

Randarkman
Jul 18, 2011

ninjahedgehog posted:

Yeah that was me. The one I was using was AFAIK never updated for the new GOT mod version, but it mostly worked with some hiccups (dragons being displayed as children, for example).

I did find this, though, which seems to do mostly the same thing: http://agotcitadel.boards.net/thread/241/tubbs-faces-submod

I haven't used it, but if it's the same as the old one then be aware that all of the book/TV show characters were customized using the default portrait sets. So while everyone will, on average, look better (because the DLC portrait assets are just better than most of the vanilla ones) they almost certainly will look nothing like how the TV show pictures them or how they're described in the books. In my playthrough, for example, Tyrion had a pencil mustache and long, flowing Conan the Barbarian hair.

Cool. I'll check out this one, and yeah I know about how characters will look different when you change their graphical culture and dna portrait property indexes will point to different things. Once made a DLC portraits mod for this for my own personal use. That one does look pretty nice though.

Started on a game earlier today as Robb Stark in the same bookmark, ALOT more peaceful overall, won the war fairly easily, thanks to Stannis mostly, only fought a few battles and ticking warscored my way to 100%. Robb Stark has ruled in peace for 20 years and has a loving marriage with Roslyn Frey and 6 children as well as one bastard son with Jeyne Westerling. Wildlings managed to take care of White Walkers before they ever became a threat, Stannis was just recently deposed in a revolt though, and the nobles of the Crownlands elected Daenerys as queen, which is kind of interesting, our armies are roughly equal at this point.

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011

Epicurius posted:

Of course, to make up for that, there was a game where I was a count in Iceland, and did nothing the entire game but throw dinner parties. Every year, I'd invite the Duke and Bishop to dinner, they'd come, they'd go home, and then each of them would invite me to dinner. I have no idea what that says about my character.
Doesn't sound too different from Iceland today tbh

Spacman
Mar 18, 2014

Veryslightlymad posted:

This is more enjoyable if you don't kill them, first.


I can't rremember off the top of my head, I want to say old school Persia, the Mongols literally did that. Like they made the men watch them killing their sons and then their daughters in servant gear get water and after raped them then poked out their eyes so this would be the last thing they saw before they beheaded them too.

That ain't like propaganda either, they worte that poo poo themselves and were all 'don't gently caress with us or else we do this when we don't have time to have a feast on a mountain of corpses'.

loving Mongols, man.

Spacman fucked around with this message at 12:05 on Jan 13, 2018

Randarkman
Jul 18, 2011

Spacman posted:

I can't rremember off the top of my head, I want to say old school Persia, the Mongols literally did that. Like they made the men watch them killing their sons and then their daughters in servant gear get water and after raped them then poked out their eyes so this would be the last thing they saw before they beheaded them too.

That ain't like propaganda either, they worte that poo poo themselves and were all 'don't gently caress with us or else we do this when we don't have time to have a feast on a mountain of corpses'.

loving Mongols, man.

Sounds like Assyrians with the boasting about it part.

Spacman
Mar 18, 2014

Randarkman posted:

Sounds like Assyrians with the boasting about it part.

I think you might be right, could have been Assyrians to the Egyptians maybe? Persians to the Egyptians when they broke the peace?

E: Back in the day poo poo happened a lot, yo.

Spacman fucked around with this message at 15:54 on Jan 13, 2018

1stGear
Jan 16, 2010

Here's to the new us.
The Mongols were also super tolerant of different cultures and religions, made the Silk Road probably the safest it ever was, and were pretty light-handed rulers if you didn't resist them.

Just. You know. If you did resist them.

Spacman
Mar 18, 2014
Yeah, like you didn't surrender? Guess its time for the genocide of an entire culture... Guys, when you are finished beheading your share of the people salt the earth and tear down everything in sight. Leave one building standing though.

Dude 40 years later: 'Why is there a random tower in that desert over there?
Other dude: 'Don't gently caress with Mongols man'

painedforever
Sep 12, 2017

Quem Deus Vult Perdere, Prius Dementat.
Could have been Genghis. Lots of stories attributed to him.

One of my favourites is him telling the people of Bukhara, "I am the Scourge of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent me as a punishment upon you." And then he went on to massacre most of the people across the entire Khwarezmian Empire.

To be fair, they had been dicks. Genghis wanted trade, but the Empire killed the first caravan. Then when Genghis sent an embassy with two Mongols and a Muslim, they shaved the heads of the Mongols and beheaded the Muslim.

It's said that the Mongols killed so many people at Urgench, you could build a tower out of all of the skulls. And Gurjang, they just destroyed a dam, allowed the city to flood, and then killed the survivors.

And this is why it's an article of faith amongst Warhammer 40k players that Genghis Khan is the true identity of Khorne's chief bloodthirster, considering what he achieved in the age preceding gunpowder.

Spacman
Mar 18, 2014
A skull throne is not only recycling, but like when you go see the new boss and the dude has a literal throne of skulls, it kinda precisely annunciates the lack of poo poo he will put up with.

Isn't there aother one where they stacked up all the important people in the city then built a stage on top of them and just kept partying until they were all crushed to death then enslaved everyone else, or was that the medes?

In any case, the olden days were off the wall stupid for wierd ways to die...

Spacman fucked around with this message at 18:22 on Jan 13, 2018

Yeowch!!! My Balls!!!
May 31, 2006

Spacman posted:

A skull throne is not only recycling, but like when you go see the new boss and the dude has a literal throne of skulls, it kinda precisely annunciates the lack of poo poo he will put up with.

Isn't there aother one where they stacked up all the important people in the city then built a stage on top of them and just kept partying until they were all crushed to death then enslaved everyone else, or was that the medes?

In any case, the olden days were off the wall stupid for wierd ways to die...

that was based on the Mongol tradition of it being a terrible curse to spill noble blood upon the ground

which in the classic rules lawyering fashion turned into "do not kill them with edged weapons, crushing them or smothering them remains kosher"

Comrade Koba
Jul 2, 2007

Spacman posted:

Isn't there aother one where they stacked up all the important people in the city then built a stage on top of them and just kept partying until they were all crushed to death then enslaved everyone else, or was that the medes?

Yep.


Wikipedia posted:

The Mongols executed Mstislav of Kiev and the Kievan nobles with the traditional Mongol caveat reserved for royalty and nobility: without shedding blood. Mstislav and his nobles were buried and suffocated under the Mongol general's victory platform at the victory feast.

A Festivus Miracle
Dec 19, 2012

I have come to discourse on the profound inequities of the American political system.

I've done some horrible things in CK2, for example, slaughtering the entire houses of a rebellious vassal but leaving the vassal alive, sans testicles to live out his days.

There's also poo poo like North Korea mode which I would do when it came time to clean out vassals who had gotten too strong. Slaughtering entire houses and imprisoning the rest forever mainly to avoid dealing with them rebelling a third or second time. And then taking seduction focus so you could gently caress their wives and daughters.

Yeah maybe just a hair vindictive. The seduction focus used to be hilariously broken. It made it super easy to avoid rebellions because you could just whore out your female rulers to every vassal in the realm who wasn't gay or female. I distinctly remember executing a gay daughter so I could have the straight daughtet inherit.

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
I'm sorry for the slowdown, by the way. My computer is absolutely choking on the game lately and it's going incredibly slowly.

I'm hoping it's caused by the massive war of everyone-against-the-Others that's going on and that it'll turn playable again if and when I get things calmed down.

Emissary666
Sep 6, 2010

CapnAndy posted:

I'm sorry for the slowdown, by the way. My computer is absolutely choking on the game lately and it's going incredibly slowly.

I'm hoping it's caused by the massive war of everyone-against-the-Others that's going on and that it'll turn playable again if and when I get things calmed down.

The first time I took the Iron Throne, my game literally crashed under the weight of plot notifications. Doesn't help that AGOT has a lot of stuff going on in the background. It's not on the level of the Greek's trying to figure out who they could castrate, but it can slow the game.

A White Guy posted:

I've done some horrible things in CK2, for example, slaughtering the entire houses of a rebellious vassal but leaving the vassal alive, sans testicles to live out his days.

There's also poo poo like North Korea mode which I would do when it came time to clean out vassals who had gotten too strong. Slaughtering entire houses and imprisoning the rest forever mainly to avoid dealing with them rebelling a third or second time. And then taking seduction focus so you could gently caress their wives and daughters.

Yeah maybe just a hair vindictive. The seduction focus used to be hilariously broken. It made it super easy to avoid rebellions because you could just whore out your female rulers to every vassal in the realm who wasn't gay or female. I distinctly remember executing a gay daughter so I could have the straight daughtet inherit.

So, just another Tuesday for a CK2 player?

painedforever
Sep 12, 2017

Quem Deus Vult Perdere, Prius Dementat.

CapnAndy posted:

I'm sorry for the slowdown, by the way. My computer is absolutely choking on the game lately and it's going incredibly slowly.

It could also be the new Intel bug, and the subsequent Microsoft fix. Supposedly, it adds up to 30% latency on "non-standard workloads".

Simulating G. R. R. Martin's career is probably the definition of "non-standard".

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
Part 21: The Flames of Valyria



So here’s a nice benefit of having dragons. “I have a dragon” is all the cause I need to declare war on anyone in the entire world. They retain their titles and simply become vassals to me, but vassals are what I want anyway. I’d prefer to win the titles and then immediately hand them off to Starks, but that’s very minor.





I hunted through the entire world for High Valyrian culture. Bad news is, it’s almost extinct; only six people still have it. Good news is, they’re all already under my control. The Velaryons have a minor holding in Dragonstone, while the two daughters of fake Aegon are actually at my court.



I decided to invite every living High Valyrian to a party.



Oh, and all my courtiers too.

As opposed to my last party, this time almost everyone accepted the invitations.



I decided to revive a tradition from the days before the Blackfyres. As Aegon did, so now do I do, granting a Valyrian Steel sword to mark my chosen heir. While giving a sword to a man with one hand can seem like a bit of a sick joke, in this case it is taken in the spirit it was intended.



Flagships are cool? I dunno, I just like having a fleet.



Party went well. We played some cyvasse. I won.



My Council has explained to me how to actually use my dragon in war, and I’ve decided to try it out on Braavos.



Mega-war makes no dang sense.



To keep costs (and vassals annoyed because I’ve raised their levies) down, I just go in with a very reasonable 20,000 men. Far less than I could have.



Robb’s wife comes of age. Not only is she a master spy but she’s also stunningly great at combat. Seriously, Duel Skill 6 is better than at least one of my Kingsguard.



Okay, my forces have landed in Braavos, with me at the head. Now, how did the Council say to do this again... ah, right!





Dracarys.





Dracarys!



Minor lore character death.



I put a Frey in his place. The Freys are superb in combat and a family of unimpeachable honor, and also I think that might be the first time in recorded history anyone’s ever said that.




My flagship is done and I name it after King Bran, who wanted a fleet of his own so very badly.






“If you want to conquer the world, best have dragons.”
-- Aegon of Essos



So hey, fun fact: because Dragon Conquest just vassalizes your target, you can use this to get vassals you absolutely should not have. It’s nearly impossible for a Feudal Monarchy to have a Merchant Republic vassal; you can’t directly create one and every form of war that isn’t Dragon Conquest converts what you win into governments of your type (as we saw with Pentos). But now we have the merchant republic of Braavos paying homage to the Iron Throne.

Even more fun fact: They pay taxes to us too. We’re rich.



I’m still stalling, waiting for the White Walkers to get big enough that I can call the War for the Dawn. I’ve wanted to retake Slaver’s Bay in Dany’s memory ever since I got Meereen, and it’is in utter disarray right now. I’m gonna declare Dragon Conquest on all 8 of those governments and just conquer the whole place in one campaign.



Noble lords and ladies of the court, the High Septon has just lost the Bible. This is why we keep the Old Gods.



Good! Brave is good.



Right, so, the war. I’m only using the troops I could raise in Meereen for this. Does that make it take much longer? Yes, but like I said, I’m drawing this out somewhat intentionally. Plus, with a dragon, conquering is just too easy unless I handicap myself to make some fun out of it.




That guy led a peasant revolt that I put down easily because they’re really not threats unless you’re already in an incredibly weak position. I feed him to Rhaegal. Lead a peasant revolt, become dragon snacks. That’s the Stark World Order.






Astapor is strongly defended, so I’m sending some more men over. In the meantime, still turns out that nothing beats dragons.



I notice that Drogon will accept an invitation to my court, so I do that. Partially because it’s hilarious, and partially in hopes that he’ll make less trouble in King’s Landing and maybe Visenya can tame him or something.



Nice foresight by the mod team here too, actually having text in place for dragons sending messages. Roar!



I had the option to legitimize Arthor at any time, of course, being both his father and the King, but if I’d done so it would have pissed off all my legitimate children, so I didn’t. Turns out, though, that if he asks me, they don’t get mad. I happily agree, as now we have a Stark on a very prestigious throne instead of a Snow.



Ah, heck. Ronessa just... dies.






Eddard and Ronessa were married to reward political allies, and they never found much warmth. Their marriage could be most charitably described as ‘dutiful’, yet in all this Ronessa bore Eddard an heir and never dishonored him. Above all else, she was the Queen of the Iron Throne, and is honored accordingly.



Can’t stay single, though. Ned’s still young-ish! Plenty of time for more children. Maybe they’ll be High Valyrian?



It is very very likely that Jonnela is illegitimate. Dany’s true love was Brandon and she cheated on Rickon constantly throughout their marriage, having more bastards than legitimate children.

That said, I’ve gotten Jonnela married matrilineally, she’s already had some Stark children, and I’d like her to produce more Starks, so I’m just going to very politically close my eyes and pretend there’s no evidence.



The conquest of Slaver’s Bay is going well. I’m down to just one annoying minor power that holds two cities (that island off the coast of Yunkai next to my ships is a separate holding, it’s very hard to notice) and then Yunkai itself, which holds both Yunkai and Astapor and will be a pain in the rear end to besiege. I’ll send over more men and have this finished up soon.



I’m calling up everybody I have left, because I’ve decided that while I’m at it, I need to handle some White Walker business.

Next time: We handle some White Walker business.

winterwerefox
Apr 23, 2010

The next movie better not make me shave anything :(

Dragon! :neckbeard:

From the looks of how dragons work, taking down a percentage of an army each pass will do wonders vs white walker hordes. You conventional forces just need to last long enough to let the dragon do its work.

kw0134
Apr 19, 2003

I buy feet pics🍆

"gently caress y'all, I got dragon" is the best cb

Sindai
Jan 24, 2007
i want to achieve immortality through not dying
This is amazing. Roar!

painedforever
Sep 12, 2017

Quem Deus Vult Perdere, Prius Dementat.
I don't think any Frey has ever been called honorable or loyal or brave. It's frankly amazing how reliable they've been!

Limitation of the game engine, or problem with the mod?

Quorum
Sep 24, 2014

REMIND ME AGAIN HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE?

painedforever posted:

I don't think any Frey has ever been called honorable or loyal or brave. It's frankly amazing how reliable they've been!

Limitation of the game engine, or problem with the mod?

Walder is programmed to be a little poo poo but he's not a moron, he won't go full Red Wedding unless he's given the insult of dumping his daughter. He's also old as balls so even if they've beefed his health up he's doomed to die before long and be replaced with an heir who won't be as bad.

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy

winterwerefox posted:

Dragon! :neckbeard:

From the looks of how dragons work, taking down a percentage of an army each pass will do wonders vs white walker hordes. You conventional forces just need to last long enough to let the dragon do its work.

IIRC, there are dragon-specific events or event choices with White Walkers just as there are Valyrian steel-specific ones.

Also dragon wounds (even maiming) CAN eventually heal through events. So even if your dragon is hurt, they can bounce back.

Speaking of item/event things, your Flagship actually has uses. They can increase your odds on some overseas battles like if you go on a foreign tour or go to try to find Valyrian steel. And there's... well, that event you got with the enemy fleet and their flagship.

And boy, that "artifact lost on inheritance" chance really needs some tweaking. Some things should not be lost just at total random. That is one of them.

EDIT: Also, normally? Normally the North can't get a flagship. You need a port in your capital to get one. But if you end up with one spare, you can give it to the North anyway and that'll still work.

Midnight Voyager fucked around with this message at 01:43 on Jan 17, 2018

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

painedforever posted:

Simulating G. R. R. Martin's career is probably the definition of "non-standard".
It goes slower and slower and then stops completely? :v:

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012
Dragon-power! Roar!

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy
Huh, Robb won the war and left the throne empty. Wonder who-

OH HOW THE TURNS HAVE TABLED



He was, in fact, beheaded by Robb, who married Roslin.

Tyrion has the Westerlands, married to a Martell bastard. Tywin was killed by Balon in battle in personal combat. Jaime was imprisoned by Robb and won his freedom in battle. And then Loras loving Tyrell went rogue and murdered Kevan.

What is going ON this game

Midnight Voyager fucked around with this message at 22:55 on Jan 17, 2018

Emissary666
Sep 6, 2010

Midnight Voyager posted:

Huh, Robb won the war and left the throne empty. Wonder who-

OH HOW THE TURNS HAVE TABLED



He was, in fact, beheaded by Robb, who married Roslin.

Tyrion has the Westerlands, married to a Martell bastard. Tywin was killed by Balon in battle in personal combat. Jaime was imprisoned by Robb and won his freedom in battle. And then Loras loving Tyrell went rogue and murdered Kevan.

What is going ON this game

Welcome to the AGOT mod, there is no canon, only chaos.

painedforever
Sep 12, 2017

Quem Deus Vult Perdere, Prius Dementat.

Emissary666 posted:

Welcome to the AGOT mod, there is no canon, only chaos.

... and the points don't matter?

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
Playing the GoT mod gives you a lot more awareness of how often GRRM put his thumb on the scale, plot-wise. It's a testament to his skill that everything seems to flow inevitably out of everything else.

Erainor
Dec 30, 2017

THUNDERDOME LOSER
Finally got caught up! Are there still openings for the Council?

painedforever
Sep 12, 2017

Quem Deus Vult Perdere, Prius Dementat.

CapnAndy posted:

Playing the GoT mod gives you a lot more awareness of how often GRRM put his thumb on the scale, plot-wise. It's a testament to his skill that everything seems to flow inevitably out of everything else.

But y'know, travel time, something I've heard that the TV show was also having problems with in the last season. GRRM appears to take into account that there are a lot of leagues between places, all they have are horses (and ravens for sending messages), which is why everything takes time. Here, Brandon married Dany, even though they were on different continents, and had kids. Even with dragons, that's a little far-fetched.

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
Part 22: The Chill of Winter



More of my realm than I’d like is currently split off because they’ve joined one of the defensive wars and blah blah megawar blah. If I want them back, I need them at peace.



Okay sure get in line, Lys. I’ll be happy to conquer you later.



While not a Targaryen, my new wife is High Valyrian, and Brave, and presumably has the benefit of King’s Landing’s Dragonpit, so she decides to make a play for the currently riderless Drogon. I think her odds are pretty good of getting him in the long run.







Meanwhile, I’ve decided that my realm is simply too large to continue on directly ruling the North. My attention is split in too many directions these days, I have too many vassals demanding my attention spread out across too much of the world. As our ancestral home and the original seat of our power, the North deserves a ruler who can commit only to its best interests. Of course, there must always be a Stark in Winterfell, so I give it to Rickard.



Rickard is very pleased with me and wants to marry his cousin to solidify his rule. Unfortunately for him, they’re both trueborn Starks. Marrying them to each other gets one couple breeding more Starks, whereas if I marry them to others, I have two sources of new Starks. I need as many as I can get, especially with all the Free Cities who are suddenly begging for conquest.



The Dothraki make a play for Alys’ hand too. She’s apparently become too desirable to leave single; I need to betrothe her.



Yeah, you’ll do. I got a military leader, since I may want to grant him a kingdom later (as his heirs will be Starks).



See? I knew she could do it. Good job, honey!



One dragon added and another goes down, as one of Astapor’s defenders gets in a lucky shot and maims Rhaegal. All I can do is hope he heals in time, as until he does I cannot use him in battle. (I still get the martial bonus, dragon tactics, and dragon CB -- I just can’t do the special dragon mid-battle stuff.)



Arya dies somewhat younger than I’d have liked. No idea how she got that wound.







All I can do now is bury her properly.



I’ve finished up all my conquests in Slaver’s Bay, which includes Astapor, but apparently Yunkai became independent and I’d have to declare war on them too. Without my dragon I’m in no mood for the lengthly siege that Yunkai would require, so they can wait.



Starks are good, but sons would be better.



Everyone’s off fighting the White Walkers and I need them to calm the hell down for a bit.



300,000 men is... a lot.



Y’know, if I had a brother I might start to think there’s something to that claim, based on how the game keeps mistaking Robb for my nephew. Or maybe not even then; the fact that it’s led by Arthor -- who as a legitimized son would inherit if Robb was declared to be not of my line -- makes it pretty obvious that this is a power play to gain the entire kingdom.



Right, great. I’m gonna help out with this war and cut the Other levies down to size a bit too, maybe. We’ll call it a dress rehearsal.



Robb has a son... who’s stillborn. Crap.



The couple that battles ice demons together stays together, or something. This is a bit risky because of the Walkers’ known propensity for just pointing at opposing generals and going “that one’s dead now”, but I’m hoping that between our dragons and my Valyrian steel sword, we’ll be okay.



The Walkers are carrying out three simultaneous invasions (that I know of) that have drawn possibly literally everyone in Planetos into a single global war that’s causing my computer to choke, slowing the game down to an unplayable state. That’s the bad news. The good news is, it’s causing them to split their forces up way more than is safe.



And as we learned up North, they’re absolute crap in pitched battle. They try to win by sheer weight of numbers, but put ‘em in anything even resembling a fair fight and their lack of tactics immediately starts to tell against them.







Hey there, you snowy pricks, remember me? Well, not me personally, I was just a kid then, but remember this banner? Were we not clear about getting the gently caress off my planet, and why you need to go do that?



Aw poo poo. That’s one hell of a good rejoinder, I must admit.



Did Allyria give her the egg, I wonder? Regardless, this is good news. At least half of my Create New Valyria plan is going well, with the dragons making a firm resurgence. I just need to rescue High Valyrian culture before it goes extinct.



We have single-handedly cut 50,000 men out of the White Walker forces; a full sixth of their total army. Not bad work, although the cost was high.



While King Eddard was twitted for wedding a particularly lovely Astapori temple attendant who had caught his eye during the conquests of Slaver’s Bay, he never rose to the bait, only claiming that she was an excellent conversationalist and quite well-read, and he was certain she’d be an asset at court.



Fighting in Winter-held territories has let attrition slaughter my forces. I’m marching them out of there and back to friendly territory, where I’ll disband them and give the armies time to reinforce.



Seriously, look at everyone involved in just this one war, and the Others are involved in two other wars simultaneously (to my knowledge -- it might be more). This has to be what’s slowing everything down, right? CK2 is not built to simulate total world war.







Oh... okay, wow. Oh dear. Just because you’re married to me doesn’t mean you automatically get a dragon, as Zazhezza learns the hard way. Some lessons can only be taught by a faceful of dragonfire and third degree burns, I guess.



As my army continues its withdrawal, the White Walkers decide to pull their “let’s ambush and kill an enemy general” shtick one more time, and this time they intend to kill me. But I have two things all their other victims lacked: a Valyrian steel sword, and a fighting chance.





King Eddard the Amazing adds “slew an Other” to his increasingly long list of feats, and all I have to say is... HA! How you like me now, you snowy, wife-killing, plot-derailing, game-slowing fucks? Come get some!



New egg! I don’t really know who to give this to -- Robb remains childless, while Arthor has had a daughter -- so I’m holding on to it for now.



Zazhezza lingered for three agonizing months before finally succumbing to her burns.



While I’m looking for a new wife -- again -- I decide to do some other wedding planning as well. I could have married Rhaena myself, but marrying my sister-in-law is sorta icky, and I decide I really want to use her to hopefully breed more High Valyrians.



When Ned’s new bride was revealed to the court at King’s Landing, many ribald jokes were made about “having the common touch”. His reply was that so long as he actually had a wife who stayed alive this time, the courtiers could make whatever jokes they liked.



Another experiment in the Restoring Valyria project; I take one of my granddaughters (Visenya’s firstborn), appoint Rhaena as her guardian, and give her a Heritage focus. The game flat-out tells me that this won’t work, but maybe the game is wrong?





My armies have been marching to Meereen this whole time, and they’ve finally arrived. Now I can disband them and give everyone a break. The warscore has ticked up from 35% to 50% since I withdrew, so my numerous allies seem to have the war under control for the time being.



I still have the weak claims on Astapor and Yunkai I inherited from Dany, and it turns out those are valid reasons to strip vassals of their titles? That’s great news. Unfortunately, due to being at Minimum Crown Authority, I can’t actually strip titles at the moment.



With the North now managed by Arya’s cadet branch of the Starks, I’m no longer overwhelmed by the size of my empire. It’s time to start asserting the Iron Throne as more than just the nominal head of mostly independent kingdoms.

The council has to vote to approve it, which they do, but it takes time and annoys me. I think disempowering the council is going to be my next step. King Ned has never been a fan of letting the council vote on things; as he remembers all too well, it was their inaction that allowed the Tully Rebellion.



Marrying off Rhaena pays dividends almost immediately.



With my Crown Authority raised, I strip the Lordship and High Lordship of Astapor for myself... but I don’t intend to keep them.





Instead I take a younger son of the Velaryon line, one who’s already proven himself by having a son to be his heir, and give him all of Astapor. Not only does this mean less vassals, but it’s another facet of the Restore Valyria project.

See, when rulers take over a holding, they populate it with courtiers of their own culture. This is very useful when you have a rare culture you want to spread. (In gimmick games where bears or horses take over the world, this mechanic is the key to their success.) However, as I’ve since learned by doing some googling, the mod team is ahead of me here. There’s a game option called High Valyrian Cull, which defaults to “on”, that seeks out any courtiers of High Valyrian culture, checks their family tree, and then if they’re not one of a few specified lineages, immediately kills them. It’s also possible for holdings and nations to convert to the culture of their ruler, which would be another good outcome for me, but I have a feeling that the mod will prevent High Valyrian conversion. Still, it’s worth the trying.



My first grandson is born. (I rename him Daeron.) Notice that in a quirk of Agnatic-Cognatic Primogeniture, his birth jumps Alys over Visenya in the succession, despite being the younger of the two.



Maybe this’ll work?



Oh, good! Plague! That’s just what we needed right now, thank you.

Question for the Council

Let’s talk about culture. You’ve seen everything I’m doing to try and breed High Valyrian back from the brink of extinction, against game mechanics that very much want it to go extinct. We also have another, lesser option. High Valyrian is pretty much gone from the world, but Dragonstone retains Westerosi Valyrian culture. If I move the capital to Dragonstone I’ll get the option to convert to the local culture (much like I can convert to Kingslander culture right now). It’s not as good as High Valyrian, but it’s something -- being in the Valyrian culture group gives dragon taming bonuses, albeit lesser ones than High Valyrian grants. Unfortunately I can only move the capital in peacetime, which means this White Walker nonsense will have to come to an end, and I’m not sure how often switching capitals is allowed, which does matter because once I make the culture switch I’d like to get the court back to King’s Landing as soon as possible. So! How does Westerosi Valyrian sound to you as a stopgap measure, and anyone got any ideas on becoming High Valyrian?

Erainor
Dec 30, 2017

THUNDERDOME LOSER
Any Valyrian would be good if you want to maximize dragons.

Go for Westerosi Valyrian

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?
Westerosi Valyrian is the way to go. The old Freehold is dead and gone, a new hybrid is the future.

ZiegeDame
Aug 21, 2005

YUKIMURAAAA!
I'm pretty sure a given monarch can only move the capital once in their lifetime, so if you moved it, you'd have to wait for King Ned to die to move it back.

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

ZiegeDame posted:

I'm pretty sure a given monarch can only move the capital once in their lifetime, so if you moved it, you'd have to wait for King Ned to die to move it back.
If that's true it may be even worse than that, because Ned moved the capital to King's Landing from Winterfell when we took the Iron Throne. Unless that didn't count? Who knows, right now when I mouseover the Move Capital button the only information I get is "not while you're at war, buddy".

Nuckelavee
Feb 25, 2014
In vanilla CK2 you can always move your capital to the de jure capital of your top holding. Not sure about in the mod though.

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Erainor
Dec 30, 2017

THUNDERDOME LOSER
Not having played the game, but being a logical thinker, how many things are different in the mod vs the base game? Not sure how much he can use the base game as a guide at this point. Also, every GRRM character who dies at this point in your adventure of old age is still kinda a bummer.

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