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Rody One Half posted:It's worth pointing out, for those who want us to break up, that failing to conquer China would destroy our imperial level title. So Kangxi could go for the gold (they'd have to legit give it their all though), and if they fail there's your fall from grace/indeterminately long era of brutal revanchism and claimant wars. If we win, we win. If we lose, we also win.
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Aug 28, 2019 21:41
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Rubix Squid posted:Perhaps a new brand of "crusading" Buddhism that's a lot more onboard with the whole violence thing in the vein of the fierce deities/dharmapāla could arrise in India to stir up trouble. Probably a radicalized version of the Pure Land Sect, growing in the face of foreign occupation.
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Aug 29, 2019 00:05
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No one’s talking about the Nahua Pope. Why aren’t we discussing that. Seriously, how did that happen?
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Aug 29, 2019 01:11
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HereticMIND posted:No one’s talking about the Nahua Pope. Why aren’t we discussing that. The Catholics have had two popes from that part of the world. They've also had two Karling popes and one Zaghawa pope. His name was Silvester III and he was a genius adventurer, a mastermind theologian, and possessed. There will be some delay before the next update, I'm sorting out some mods for testing and I'll be out of town for the Labor Day weekend.
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Aug 29, 2019 01:48
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Kangxi posted:The Catholics have had two popes from that part of the world. They've also had two Karling popes and one Zaghawa pope. His name was Silvester III and he was a genius adventurer, a mastermind theologian, and possessed. What are you feeding your popes in your games. Seriously, this sounds amazing. I wish we could've gotten more updates from the West. quote:There will be some delay before the next update, I'm sorting out some mods for testing and I'll be out of town for the Labor Day weekend. Oh no, you take your time. Don't rush it out on our behalf!
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Aug 29, 2019 02:15
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Kangxi posted:The Catholics have had two popes from that part of the world. They've also had two Karling popes and one Zaghawa pope. His name was Silvester III and he was a genius adventurer, a mastermind theologian, and possessed. Screenshots, please. For the love of god, give us screenshots.
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Aug 29, 2019 02:59
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Viola the Mad posted:Screenshots, please. For the love of god, give us screenshots.  The last ten popes of the Catholic Church. Catholicism has rebounded somewhat in the past few decades after the successful German revolt and the crusades for Burgundy, but it is much weaker compared to OTL. Note the two dudes near the bottom of the list with the same coat of arms - those are Carolingian popes. Caelestinus II 'Son of Lucifer' died of Syphilis.  Callistus II 'the Wicked'. Papal reign from 1096 to the present (1100).  Honorius IV is the other Nahua pope. 1088 to 1096. Oversaw the successful crusade to retake Burgundy, leading to the coronation of Amédée, another Carolingian. He rules near the city of Besançon.  Here's the man himself. Only reigned from 1075 to 1079. Probably wins the 'most interesting pope' contest.
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Aug 29, 2019 04:21
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I wonder how the Zaghawa pope even got to Italy.
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Aug 29, 2019 04:26
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Kangxi posted:
Umm the son of Lucifer pope?
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Aug 29, 2019 04:57
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How could I forget.
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Aug 29, 2019 05:17
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Kangxi posted:How could I forget. Someone took that whole “body of Christ” thing a bit too literally, huh 
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Aug 29, 2019 05:41
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Grizzwold posted:Someone took that whole “body of Christ” thing a bit too literally, huh Please interpret for us non-players?
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Aug 29, 2019 05:44
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Deadmeat5150 posted:Please interpret for us non-players? That Pope has the cannibal trait, so he has obviously eaten a person, like some twisted form of Communion.
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Aug 29, 2019 05:51
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NewMars posted:I wonder how the Zaghawa pope even got to Italy. Hiking, one assumes
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Aug 29, 2019 05:55
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LJN92 posted:That Pope has the cannibal trait, so he has obviously eaten a person, like some twisted form of Communion. He’s also got syphilis and a wife
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Aug 29, 2019 05:59
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Grizzwold posted:Someone took that whole “body of Christ” thing a bit too literally, huh I'd say. That Stewardship, though. Man. The guy was a miserly feller, wasn't he? I suppose it comes with being Midas Touched, but still.
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Aug 29, 2019 06:26
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Pope Caelestinus II: a cannibal, a madman, the son of Lucifer in the flesh. But goddamn if he didn't keep iron-tight account books.
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Aug 29, 2019 06:41
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He can't be the actual son of Lucifer, though; if he were he'd presumably have Possessed.
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Aug 29, 2019 23:37
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Kassad posted:Pope Caelestinus II: a cannibal, a madman, the son of Lucifer in the flesh. But goddamn if he didn't keep iron-tight account books. It’s because of him that historians in this universe can actually learn poo poo from this time period (or at least during his papal tenure) and get more context regarding Rome’s financial situation. He was also Just in addition to being a Lunatic. How that worked out I have no idea.
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Aug 30, 2019 02:43
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Just be you're crazy doesn't mean you have to be unfair and tyrannical. Maybe he just ate priests who touched kids.
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Aug 30, 2019 03:39
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He's very unbiased and even handed while conscientiously enforcing the rules. It's just that the rules are very weird.
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Aug 30, 2019 03:41
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paragon1 posted:He's very unbiased and even handed while conscientiously enforcing the rules. It's just that the rules are very weird. Rody One Half posted:Just be you're crazy doesn't mean you have to be unfair and tyrannical. I wouldn't be surprised if these two are linked. Maybe in this universe, pedo priests are punished by being eaten. Some filthy bastard was proven to be abusing the power God grants to priests, and, well, the Pope did what he had to do.
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Aug 30, 2019 05:16
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Viola the Mad posted:I wouldn't be surprised if these two are linked. Maybe in this universe, pedo priests are punished by being eaten. Some filthy bastard was proven to be abusing the power God grants to priests, and, well, the Pope did what he had to do. I find this refreshingly hilarious given the circumstances the Church faces today AND extremely cathartic for the victims of such abuses, especially since they are so often denied justice or are otherwise coerced into silence. Well done, randomly generated fake world for a medieval simulator. You’ve made me wanna live in this timeline. Taking into account his high Stewardship, he probably had/made the fairest deals both in terms of justice AND business. His enforcement of the deals...well, there’s only so many times a person can be threatened with cannibalism before they decide to push their luck.
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Aug 30, 2019 07:31
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I'm picturing terrified priests strapped to the altar while the pope drones out the communion liturgy.
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Aug 30, 2019 13:14
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GrabbinPeels posted:I'm picturing terrified priests strapped to the altar while the pope drones out the communion liturgy. Mass just hasn’t been the same since they started allowing priests to use the vernacular Nahua and also really doubled down on the whole transubstantiation business.
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Aug 30, 2019 15:15
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"Nahua pope leads successful crusade against Aztecs" is really poetic E: "you're a loving candlestick" should be incorporated into the thread title Tulip fucked around with this message at 20:47 on Aug 30, 2019 |
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Aug 30, 2019 20:37
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Tulip posted:"Nahua pope leads successful crusade against Aztecs" is really poetic Yeah, there's definitely A Story there. No way that dude doesn't get sainted in a century or three.
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Aug 30, 2019 21:01
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This is why I love this silly game so much 
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Aug 30, 2019 21:53
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Aug 30, 2019 23:14
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Fantastic Edit: I'm adding this to the table of contents post Kangxi fucked around with this message at 02:29 on Aug 31, 2019 |
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Aug 31, 2019 01:25
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Aug 31, 2019 01:59
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Chapter 29: 1100 to 1114: Tsenmo Purgyal Pelmo As told by the Empress  My first memories were of the holy city of Lhasa. I was about four years old, and I was kept in the castle with the rest of my family. It was during the time of the great pestilence. I was with my mother, Ngawang II, who was observing the city from a crack in the window. Not far from the palace, a man lay down in the street, wrapped in rags, his hands and feet blackened from the plague. He was probably dying or dead by then. A stray yak then trod past him and emptied its bowels, flowing in little rivers down the street. I pointed and laughed, not knowing what I was looking at. My mother held my arm with icy cold fingers, and said "For the gods' sake, what do you want me to do about it? I am surrounded by fools and thieves. And all this nobility..." I could say nothing. I haven't told anybody about this now because I thought I'd harm her.  I took the throne at age thirteen after my mother had died from her own disease.   Although I was not yet experienced enough to make my own decisions, I was soon able to learn of the kingdom. I learned of fallow fields in the south, thinned herds of animals running wild, empty villages, empty barracks, empty guard posts, empty villages.   The peasants were angry, and they had every reason to be.   Those vassal kings who had retained some authority over their lands and their troops formed conspiracies to enrich themselves at my expense. They would do this either by replacing me with a more pliant relative or by changing the law.  An order of warrior monks had spontaneously formed, sworn to servitude and aiding each other, borne out of their experiences in war and plague. Of course, I could not dare to deny them a sign of royal approval.  In my own capacity, I would attempt to restore some sense of order and peace.   I had my idle fancies and daydreams, as other young children do, and crushes. I was told then that I was like Gyalyum.  Not so. The difference between us is vast. Gyalyum was a great woman. I've only inherited her things. She was a holy figure. I am not. I look at her statues where she stands beside the great Hierarch Tse, and I look at the mural of her slaying the great beast outside of Lhasa. Her face looks like it was carved from a stone block, and she stands above all the rest in her armor with her sword raised. How am I to carry her titles and her name forward?  I fear the sight of blood, even my own. I fear the whispers of the crowd.  I fear the hungry stares around me. I feel surrounded. I see a thousand small deliberations and a wilderness of mirrors.  But I must ascend the throne.  I will listen, observe, and do what I can even if I cannot be direct about it.   I beseech the gods for the ability to unravel delusions and dispel conspiracies, even where I may not be present to see them.  As they daub the paint on my face, I silently ask for guidance.  I make plans for the formation of an imperial guard.  Partly from our own troops, but we have to supplement it with a foreign complement, so they would have few connections to the city of Lhasa or the other nobles. There really was no choice.  The Mongols were, of course, the best choice. Their warriors made a striking impression - doing handstands on their horses and drinking animal blood. The captain of the guard, Khutulun, was a striking person, and she made a great impression on me.  Those guards were not only for my own observation, of course. I knew that several of the vassal kings conspired to overthrow me. One of the most powerful was Tongtsen 'the Holy', who had found himself in charge of not only Bihar but also Orissa. He had to go.  I had him put under observation.  In a matter of days, my informers had uncovered a plot to kill some priests who had offended him. This was enough of a crime to frame him,  and attract the attention of his political opponents.  That was the end of that.  There ought to be a word for this kind of thing.  Not long after, I was informed about how the sacred hierarchy was infiltrated, and how corruption had reached the very top levels of the leadership.  I spoke to the Sacred Hierarch but I don't remember anything remarkable he said. Just chatter. He picked the skin behind his ears and ate the flakes.  He did what I said. Perhaps the office of Sacred Hierarchy was only ever meant for one person.  With some effort - the splitting up of the largest vassals and the dispersal of the hoarded wealth in their households, I could say that I had some measure of prosperity and governance restored to the kingdom.  Well, in a manner of speaking.  I can tell people to kill each other. I myself must be holy.  Yet I could not but be aware of how power shifts and flows, even if I avoid taking out the knife myself.  Whoever grants access to the empress and their household has power in their own right.  But - in my case, I needed to have some victorious war to consolidate my rule. The fort at Rachakonda, ruled by the Karnatas, was an annoyance.  On the way south, we hear that rebels have seized Jiangxi and Jiangzhe. Peasants rebel in China once again. Has any ruler held the mandate of heaven since the Jurchens?    I don't need to belabor the details.   I had forced myself to attend the one battle, so I could at least say I had, and others could see that I had. I kept the helmet visor down and shut my eyes the whole time.  It was a victory.  The towns and cities fell soon after. Lots of cows running free near some of them.  Victory.  They're now calling me the dragon. A benevolent protector. That will do.  I was pregnant, and I was told the omens were good. That will do.  My husband, in between his dalliances with a bodyguard of his, had arranged for some maids to assist me in the pregnancy.  I hated it. The idle chatter, sitting still. I hated their idle empty talk and the nothingness behind their eyes. I smiled and waited for them to pass.  At least I had twins. A good sign.  But then, we heard more news from the north.  A new khatun, Chagur, had earned the undying loyalty of her followers and emerged as the unquestioned leader She was strong as a bear, I am told. She had led a campaign of unusual savagery in the far western reaches of her empire, and few knew where she would turn next. I grew obsessed, wondering where she would turn next.  I had heard that she had worshipped our wrathful gods and followed our rituals. Would she be an incarnation of the one with one knot of hair? I had nightmares.   My courtiers tried to flatter me, and they built a few statues in my name. That would not do. That was only a brief moment before I found some new enemy. There would be some other opponent, some other warrior.  I cannot hide away from the world completely. People act with or without my knowledge.  I had grown complacent. I had eliminated one opponent but not all the rest. Four of the vassal kings had united to overthrow me.  Their leader was the king of Nepal, another young schemer.  They would replace me with the son-in-law of the dead vassal king of Bihar, a fast talker with no real plans of his own.  That meant the westernmost flank of the empire - except for the isolated forts in the Pamir mountains- had rebelled.  And we were all unready for it. Kangxi fucked around with this message at 02:01 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 5, 2019 05:29
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That would be interesting if you'd decided for a Nenets Guard in Tibet. Are these peoples really aware of each other?
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Sep 5, 2019 05:52
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Negrostrike posted:That would be interesting if you'd decided for a Nenets Guard in Tibet. Are these peoples really aware of each other? I have no idea. I have no idea how the event generated them either. We both border the Mongols, though.
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Sep 5, 2019 06:10
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Oh, what mod is this? Looks like it will be interesting
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Sep 5, 2019 06:25
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Lord Cyrahzax posted:Oh, what mod is this? Looks like it will be interesting (Spoilered in case the OP would rather not say.) I think it's this: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1840725833
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Sep 5, 2019 12:18
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GunnerJ posted:(Spoilered in case the OP would rather not say.) That's one of the mods. I've added others.
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Sep 5, 2019 23:30
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ThatBasqueGuy posted:Clearly you just need to add in more off map invasions. Zulus from the south, polar bears from Jan Mayern from the north, and SKELETONS from the heart of the world Is it possible to do this? Because I'd love to see an utterly batshit insane timeline with invasions from mole men/ancient sumerian technosorcerors/thule wizards from the hollow earth.
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Sep 7, 2019 14:38
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King Doom posted:Is it possible to do this? Because I'd love to see an utterly batshit insane timeline with invasions from mole men/ancient sumerian technosorcerors/thule wizards from the hollow earth.  Whoever made this mod never finished it, but I never get tired of the image.
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Sep 7, 2019 20:38
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ck2 1.0 is a bit hard to look at now
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