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factorialite
Mar 3, 2008

by Lowtax

Monathin posted:

I enjoyed it as well, though admittedly I don't know as much about Super League History as I ought to.

Basically the only thing you need to know is that Smasher holds some weird fresca-related grudge against me for being much, much more handsome than he is.

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Zodiac5000
Jun 19, 2006

Protects the Pack!

Doctor Rope
Pick 'em: Don't gently caress this up!
Pick TWO!
Canton Catastrophes
Patagonia Postmodernists
Sad Pandas
Web 2.0 Bloggers

Come on people. Panda loving magic. Don't over think this.

Also, no likely about it, I am a twins fan! Target field is awesome and the twins aren't.... The Astros I guess.

Monicro
Oct 21, 2010

And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician
Pick 'em: Don't gently caress this up!
Pick TWO!
Canton Catastrophes
Patagonia Postmodernists
Sad Pandas
Web 2.0 Bloggers



Zodiac5000 posted:

Also, no likely about it, I am a twins fan! Target field is awesome and the twins aren't.... The Astros I guess.

Metrodome 4 lyfe

Ice To Meet You
Mar 5, 2007

Pick TWO!
Canton Catastrophes
Patagonia Postmodernists
Sad Pandas
Web 2.0 Bloggers


I like the Twins' new stadium, and their philosophy of throwing lots of terrible pitchers when the Tigers play them. A good team, in my opinion.

ToiletofSadness posted:

A sure fire to get your score messed up is to change your forums username in the middle of this contest.

Yolo.

kw0134
Apr 19, 2003

I buy feet pics🍆

I think I forgot the last round of the pickem but I don't think I can catch up. Oh well!

Pick TWO
Canton Catastrophes
Patagonia Postmodernists
Sad Pandas
Web 2.0 Bloggers

mrnoun
Jul 24, 2007
The Definitely Not Biased Just Because My Team Is In It Smasher League Championship Series Preview:



The invincible, unstoppable force that is the Luna Landers, inevitable Super League champions and future vanquishers of the Macho Men!

Quick Facts:
107-55
.275 team BA (4th in Smasher League)
173 home runs (2nd in Smasher League)
3.49 team ERA (1st in Smasher League)

Home Stadium: Moonbase 0-2! This unique stadium carries with it two interesting factors that may influence the outcome of the series. First, it has a short porch in left field. And second, it's on the loving Moon.

-vs-



some other team

Quick Facts:
98-64
.282 team BA (t-1st in Smasher League)
159 home runs (4th in Smasher League)
3.56 team ERA (2nd in Smasher League)

Home Stadium: as far as I can tell, the blandest possible park, with a park factor of exactly 100 across the board, but no actual details given. Somehow appropriate!



Positional Breakdown! The Cultists' platoons won't be listed, because all the Landers' starters are right-handed.

Catcher
Landers: Josh Gibson (.293/.365, 35 HR) and SUDDEN DEATH (.301/.357, 9 HR)
Cultists: Gabby Hartnett (.255/.324, 9 HR)
Winner: Landers. Hartnett's not exactly chopped liver, he's a genuine Hall of Famer. But both halves of the Landers' platoon out-played him this season.

First Base
Landers: Will Clark (.260/.318, 14 HR) and Nomar Garciaparra (.284/.323, 23 HR)
Cultists: Albert Pujols (.289/.364, 25 HR)
Winner:Cultists. The Landers probably have a defensive edge, but Pujols is solidly the better bat.

Second Base
Landers: Eddie Collins (.345/.410, 29 SB)
Cultists: Rogers Hornsby (.300/.353, 19 HR)
Winner: This is a close one, but I prefer Collins' OBP to Hornsby's power. Landers take it.

Third Base
Landers: Josh Gibson and George Brett (.298/.332, 13 HR)
Cultists: Ron Santo (.265/.342, 14 HR)
Winner: Landers. While a lot of Josh Gibson's value comes from him being a catcher who hits a ton, he also hits a ton by 3rd base standards. Pairing him with prime George Brett is about the best possible platoon you could have at 3rd. Ron Santo was really good, but not at that level.

Shortstop
Landers: Nomar Garciaparra and Eddie Joost (.244/.325, 5 HR)
Cultists: Arky Vaughan (.296/.353, 7 HR)
Winner: Cultists. The Landers' combo has more power, but Vaughan has a glove, contact skills and a decent eye.

Left Field
Landers: Tim Raines (.272/.334, 46 SB)
Cultists: Billy Williams (.287/.321, 9 HR)
Winner: Williams was slightly better this season, but Raines is the second-greatest leadoff hitter of all-time, in his prime. Landers.

Center Field
Landers: Joe DiMaggio (.281/.344, 15 HR)
Cultists: Tris Speaker (.312/.366, 17 SB)
Winner: I really don't know how to call this one. Both guys play their roles to perfection. Even.

Right Field
Landers: Hank Aaron (.221/.293, 20 HR)
Cultists: Stan Musial (.280/.336, 11 HR)
Winner: Musial was great, and had the better season, but he's old and Aaron's in his prime. Landers.

Designated Hitter
Landers: Manny Ramirez (.288/.370, 22 HR)
Cultists: Mike Piazza (.296/.344, 20 HR)
Winner: Piazza has some extra value because he can play catcher, but as a pure hitter, Ramirez is simply better. Landers.

SP 1
Landers: Pedro Martinez (20-6, 2.57, 9.7 K/9)
Cultists: Christy Mathewson (22-7, 2.72, 3.7 K/9)
Winner: Mathewson is young. Pedro is at his absolute peak. Landers.

SP 2
Landers: Rick Reuschel (19-4, 2.20, 5.4 K/9)
Cultists: Walter Johnson (14-6, 3.68, 4.8 K/9)
Winner: Cultists. If I recall correctly, Johnson is getting on in years, but he's still Walter Johnson. Reuschel is both damned good and the luckiest man in the Super League, but he's not Walter Johnson.

SP 3
Landers: Roger Clemens (15-9, 3.63, 6.5 K/9)
Cultists: Ray Collins (20-7, 3.24, 3.0 K/9)
Winner: Landers. Collins isn't as good as his numbers.

SP 4
Landers: Greg Maddux (15-9, 3.77, 6.2 K/9)
Cultists: Steve Carlton (11-13, 4.53, 5.4 K/9)
Winner: Landers. Righties with power and patience are Carlton's weakness, and the Landers have them in droves.

Bullpen
Landers: Mariano Rivera (6-2, 42 sv, 2.12, 8.7 K/9) and Tom Henke (13-3, 3 sv, 2.78, 10.8 K/9)
Cultists: Joakim Soria (3-6, 28 sv, 3.81, 8.1 K/9) and Kaz Sasaki (3-5, 8 sv, 3.47, 7.4 K/9)
Winner: Wait, you're actually using B.K. Kim? I'm so, so sorry. :( Landers.

Bench
Landers: Platoon guys, Mark Bellhorn, Reggie Jackson, Johnny Temple!
Cultists: Craig Biggio, Robin Yount, Al Rosen, Carlos Beltran, Bob Johnson.
Winner: Cultists. There's really no one in either lineup worth pinch-hitting for, so I don't expect the benches to have a huge impact, but the Cultists don't have Johnny Temple!, so they win.

Overall: 10-4, Landers. I just don't think the Cultists stack up in this series. The Landers have contact guys to get to dead-ballers, and power-patience guys to wear down modern pitchers. And any game that goes to the bullpens is going to be trouble for the Cultists.

ToiletofSadness
Mar 27, 2010
:siren: Playoff Pick Em Scores :siren:

For some reason, the consensus pick among you all in this Gauntlet round was the Jobbers (why? they're likely the poorest equipped of the 4 to take on the Pandas thin air hell scape). So no one scored better than 2 points this round, keeping things mostly status quo from before.

pre:
Owner	               Score
Zodiac5000	        44
mks5000	                28
Robert_Deadford	        27
mentholmoose	        24
Monicro	                24
Beet	                23
kw0134	                22
oldskool	        19
GVOLTT	                18
CaptainYesterday	17
Chilly McFreeze	        12
FairGame	        12
Revenant Threshold	10
alpha_destroy	         6
TheFlyingLlama	         6
factorialite	         4
tatankatonk	         4

Zodiac5000 posted:

Also, no likely about it, I am a twins fan! Target field is awesome and the twins aren't.... The Astros I guess.
I liked my visit to Target Field, I just don't like the Twins. And since both our teams (mine is the White Sox) are real bad this year inter-divisional rivalries is all I have to look forward to.

Paul Zuvella
Dec 7, 2011

Pick TWO!
Canton Catastrophes
Patagonia Postmodernists
Sad Pandas
Web 2.0 Bloggers

mentholmoose
Nov 5, 2009

YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET


gently caress the Bloggers. Pandas and Catastrophes advance.

Pander
Oct 9, 2007

Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.



Oh God stop picking me, Panda Magic only works if nobody sees it coming or believes in it!

Ice To Meet You
Mar 5, 2007

That's obviously false, I believed in it after the first round.

Beet
Aug 24, 2003
Pick TWO!
Canton Catastrophes
Patagonia Postmodernists
Sad Pandas
Web 2.0 Bloggers

Smasher Dynamo
Oct 16, 2008

Eternal Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."




The Cultists have great hitting, but that pitching is going to get them into troubles. The problem with deadball pitchers is that they're essentially a gimmick, and all gimmicks can be beaten with enough talent. A deadball pitcher won't give up walks or home runs, but they will give up masses of hits, and if you have enough hitters with decent enough contact skills, you can break a deadball pitcher. The Landers have enough of those hitters, and the Cultists pitching staff consists of three deadballers and Steve Carlton. Granted, Matty and the Big Train are the best deadball pitchers (along with Alexander), but they still give up a lot of hits, comparatively speaking. The Cultists' offense is going to have to do the heavy lifting in this series.



Great pitching, great hitting, just a strong team in general. If they survive to a challenge with the Macho Men, it's going to result in a great series.


Don May posted:


LANDERS TAKE 6-2 OPENER, WILL CLARK HERO

THE MOON!- For the first five innings, things went according to form.

The Landers and Cultists, each one trotting out an outstanding starting pitching, Walter Johnson for the Cultists and Pedro Martinez for the Landers, were locked in a pitcher's duel. The Landers' offense, overall not quite as good as the Cultists, but having slightly more power, were able to push a pair of runs across home plate, thanks to a DiMaggio home run in the second, and then scoring once more in the fifth on a rally started by a Will Clark double.

Then again, the Cultists with their league-leading offense could not have been too concerned about being down by only two runs in the sixth inning. It was hardly ideal, but it was not anything more than a minor inconvenience. So the Landers, fired up the finally reach the finals for the first time in mrnoun's long tenure as a Super-League owner, took things to another level, unleashing the full power of their offense and roughing the Big Train up for four earned runs in the bottom of the sixth, culminating in a three-run shot from Will Clark to give the Landers a 6-0 lead. With Pedro Martinez still on the mound, and the Landers' good bullpen behind him, the Cultists were unable to make up the difference, and ultimately lost by a score of 6-2.

CthulhuDreams was not happy, "This is fixed! This is rigged! There is no possible way that my calculations could have been this wrong! Walter Johnson, the greatest pitcher who has ever lived, a man who won more than 400 games, and he is beaten by Will Clark? Will Clark who was not even the best first basemen on his college team? Although, I should point out, that when Bill James did rank first basemen, he did say that Will Clark was better than Rafael Palmeiro, said teammate, but those rankings were written in 2000, and Will Clark retired after that season while Palmeiro had another half-decade of success and, if James were to rank them again today, he would certainly rank Palmeiro higher. And that is the man who beat me, Will "The Thrill" Clark, who spent most of his career as a second-tier first basemen who, over the entire course of his career, was on exactly zero championship teams, and he was able to do that much damage to Walter Johnson? That is unacceptable! That is wrong. I simmed this matchup, this had less than a .01% of happening. That is statistically insignificant! This cannot be happening."

Of course, mrnoun didn't see things the same way, "CthulhuDreams seems to think that their is some sort of science behind the Super-League, that if you do math and you figure out how the engine works, you will have to win. But that's not how it works. The Super-League is art, not science, you cannot think your way out of this, you've got to feel your way through. It's not about spreadsheets, it's not a lab experiment, it's like a concept album. It's not about having the perfect pieces, it's about taking a bunch of different components and making them into a seamless whole. And like concept albums, you will fail 95% of the time. But when you succeed, nothing can stop you. The Landers are the greatest concept album of all time, and they simply cannot lose."

Game two will take place on the moon! Ray Collins will try to even the series for the Cultists as Roger Clemens seeks to give the Landers a 2-0 lead.

GAME NOTES

-Manny Ramirez was clearly on the right amount of PEDs for this game, going 2-for-3 with two walks on the game.


Box Score





Don May posted:


CULTISTS EVEN SERIES WITH 8-7 NAILBITER

La Luna- It was truly inexplicable.

The real story of the game began in the top of the ninth. The Landers, wanting to get this series with the Cultists over with as soon as possible, had just scored four runs in the bottom of the eighth inning to take a 7-5 lead. mrnoun then summoned Mariano Rivera, the consensus best closer of all time, to finish off the Cultists and get the save.

But something went terribly wrong. Speaker and Hornsby led off the inning with singles, and Rivera walked Mike Pizza. The bases were no loaded with no outs, and the Landers were in serious trouble. Rivera managed to get the next hitter, Albert Pujols to fly out, but that allowed Speaker to score on the sacrifice and, moments later, Ron Santo hit another single to score Hornsby, which tied the game at seven. Rivera, showing a remarkable amount of composure given what had just happened, did manage to get out of the inning without giving up the lead, but the game was now destined to go to extra innings.

In the tenth inning, both teams' bullpens held serve, and the game remained tied at seven as neither side could get much offense going, with Rivera coming back for a strong second inning of work, and Byung-Hyun Kim somehow not completely melting down. By the beginning of the eleventh, however, the Landers were once again in trouble. Rivera had worked two innings, and simply did not have the stamina to come in for a third. Tom Henke and Craig Lefferts, the Landers' second-best reliever and top left-handed reliever, respectively, had both already been used. That left mrnoun with no choice but to insert Joe Nathan into the game. Nathan is a fine reliever, but against the Cultists' electric offense, 'fine' is not nearly good enough. To his credit, Nathan did get Hornsby to fly out. But then he gave up a double to Mike Pizza, putting the go-ahead run at second with only one out. Bearing down, the Landers' reliever did manage to get Pujols to hit into a line out, which left Nathan just one out from getting out the jam. But Robin Yount, who veers between being completely useless and completely unstoppable, hit an RBI single to score a pinch-running Bob Johnson. Yount then immediately flipped back to be terrible, and was thrown out trying to stretch his hit to a double for the final out of the inning. The Landers were then unceremoniously mowed down by Phil Coke, and the Cultists had evened the series going into three games in Dunwich.

For obvious reasons, this win have CthulhuDreams a great deal of confidence, "As you can see, I was smart, smarter than the rest of you, in constructing my bullpen. In the end the difference between a great bullpen and a weak bullpen is so small that it hardly matters at all. mrnoun wasted picks and players to acquire such a good bullpen, and what did it get him? Mariano Rivera still blew the save because, unlike that dullard, I had focused on creating a superior offense, which is vastly more important to a team's success. Game 1 was just an aberration, and my methods, as always, are sound. My ability to construct a roster is far superior to that of anyone else, especially mrnoun, and the Smasher League Championship will soon be mine, proving once and for all that I am truly the greatest owner in Super-League history."

Mike Pizza, who went a perfect 4-for-4 with two walks on the day, also talked to reporters, "Listen, guys, it was all fun and games for a while, but my real name is Mike Piazza, not Mike Pizza, and I'd appreciate it if you showed me a little more respect." One reporter retorted that pizza was delicious and, therefore, Mike Pizza sharing the same name as that dish was, in fact, a compliment of the highest order. For some reason, Mike Pizza disagreed, "Mike Pizza doesn't even sound like a real name! It sounds like some sort of cartoon character. And not a good one, either, like the title character on a really bad Adult Swim cartoon. And I'm not nearly high enough to appreciate that!"

Game 3 will take place in the not-made-up town of Dunwich. Greg Maddux will take the mound for the Landers, hoping to take back home-field advantage, while Steve Carlton will try not to be completely awful.

GAME NOTES

-The fact that Bob Johnson, a corner outfielder who finished his career with less than 100 stolen bases, was the Cultists' best choice for a pinch runner in the most crucial spot in the game speaks to just how old and creaky they are as a team.


Box Score





Don May posted:


STEVE CARLTON IS COMPLETELY AWFUL, LANDERS WIN 10-2

Dunwich- This game was competitive from the opening pitch until Eddie Collins hit a three-run double in the top of the second inning to give the Landers a 4-0 lead. After that, it was just a matter of playing out the string.

Steve Carlton, who ending up giving up seven runs in five and a third innings, was more concerned with a potential doomsday than in his poor performance in the game, "Who care about how I pitched, drat it! Can't you see that society is going to collapse in the next five-to-seven years!" Carlton told reporters while whittling a block of wood, "Some day, the government's debt is going to get too high and when that happens, the dollar's value will collapse, and take down civilization with it. The only survivors will be people like me, who have spent the past twenty years preparing for this day, building bunkers and stockpiling supplies. Did you I know that I have other 200 pounds of squirrel jerky in my decoy bunker alone? Of course, I tainted it all with rat poison, because you can't trust anyone who would willingly eat squirrel jerky. I also had several bars of gold surgically implanted into my torso, because when the apocalypse comes, you'll need a secure supply of money, and there's no safer bank in the country than the First Federal Bank of My Spleen. Yeah, so you can worry about your "Super-League" and your "Smasher League Championship Series", but when the bombs start dropping, where are you all going to be then? Huh? Yeah!"

This did give his managed, CthulhuDreams, some pause, "Hmm...this is game 3, and we only have one off-day, which would mean that...oh...oh, no. The Mercuries, you monsters! You extended me to five games and now....how could I not have seen this coming? We're all completely and utterly doomed unless....we must not allow this series to go seven games!"

mrnoun had a unique take on the game, "This series is already over. Let me explain why, and let me do it in terms that even the most artless of us, CthulhuDreams, could understand. His team, his creation, was designed on the elemental level, on the chemical level, mathematically determined to be as successful as possible. It's the Super-League equivalent of corporate-funded, focus-group approved, pop-rock. And the most important part of the successful pop-rock song is the chorus. The chorus is what gets repeated over and over. It must be the catchiest part of the song, or the song is doomed. And in this series, if the Cultists are lucky enough to get to Game 6 and Game 7 of this series, they will have to start Ray Collins and Steve Carlton. That is their chorus. Ray Collins and Steve Carlton. Even you have to concede that you're a long way from a #1 hit."

Game 4 will take place in Dunwich. Rick "Iron Cannon" Reuschel will try and eat a bunch of innings for the Landers while Christy "Big Six" Mathewson tries to actually win the loving game.

GAME NOTES

-After the game, Reggie West, head of the Local Ninja Guild #719, told reporters that he was tired of the constant exclusion of good ninja stories in these writeups, "I see that Smasher Dynamo has, once again, clearly show his anti-ninja prejudice by not having a single ninja attack or ninja infiltration story over the course of this season. Just look at this update. He's got seven write-ups to pump out, and we all know that there's no way that either of these team's has enough narrative momentum to last that long. This would be an ideal time for ninjas to intervene. For example, a team of ninjas could attack Steve Carlton, or maybe one of the Landers. Or maybe a desperate CthulhuDreams could hire ninjas to attack his foes. That would move the story forward and give my ninja brothers some much-needed work. Instead, Smasher Dynamo refuses to deal fairly with our union, and we all suffer as a result. In response, I am calling for a boycott of the Super-League until such time as Smasher Dynamo starts using unionized ninja labor in write-ups, and that boycott is starting right now. We ask everyone to stop reading right now to put more pressure on Dynamo."

-Eddie Collins went 5-for-6, an impressive figure that included two doubles and a triple.

-The Cultists, as a team, only struck out one time. Then again, they also only had four hits.

Box Score





Don May posted:


BRETT ERROR CAUSES CASCADE FAILURE, CULTISTS WIN 6-3

Dunwich- In a game where the Cultists combined to make four errors, it was one bad error from George Brett that decided the game.

In the bottom of the fifth, the Landers, whose offense has been consistently great in this series, were already up 3-0. Christy Mathewson, despite possessing the greatest screwball in history, save perhaps Carl Hubbell's, had pitched well, but Ron Santo, the Cultists' third baseman, had made an error leading to three unearned runs.

But now it was time for a disastrous error to put the Landers in a hole. With Arky Vaughan at the plate to lead off the inning, Rick Reuschel, as always, looking to get through the inning as quickly as possible, threw a first-pitch curveball that he knew that Vaughan could not resist. The Cultists' shortstop gave in to the temptation, and hit a weak grounder to third. But George Brett, never exactly an ace third baseman to begin with, could not grip the ball, and Vaughan was safe at first. This opened up the floodgates, and the Cultists ended up scoring five runs in the inning. With good pitching from both teams, that was enough for the Cultists to hold on for a 6-3 win, which evened the series at two games a piece, and allowed them the possibility of avoiding Game 7, where Steve Carlton would start, and there would be essentially no chance of the Cultists winning.

CthulhuDreams was relieved to say the least, "It is all falling into place. Tomorrow, Walter Johnson will start for us in Dunwich. As poorly as Johnson pitched in Game 1, he is still Walter Johnson. I predict an easy victory for him then, which will give us a 3-2 series advantage. Game 6 will be a rematch of Game 2, and we will win that as well, which only makes sense given how Game 2 went. Besides, Ray Collins is the perfect example of why I am smarter than you. He is not a good pitcher, but my research discovered that he was loved by the Mogul engine, and that's why he won 20 games this year. I beat the system because I am smarter than the system. I operate on levels that most of you cannot even imagine! This series is over!"

Unusually for Super-League contenders, mrnoun is not the type of owner to order his men savagely beaten for their mistakes, and so George Brett was actually able to speak to reporters after the game instead of lying in a medically-induced coma after being viciously attacked by hired goons. Brett explained that, "I made an error. It sucked. But the series is gonna go on, so as long as it doesn't happen again, it's not a big deal."

mrnoun agreed, "In every album, there are going to be one or two weak tracks. If I may step outside of my usual prog-rock zone for a minute. Look at the Beatles. They had Lennon-McCartney and a few songs from Harrison, but they also had to have a Ringo song on every album. We don't need to be perfect. We need to have just enough good songs to make the album good overall. I feel it in the air. I'm not sure I like it, but I can feel it. Things are changing, the Super-League is changing....I need to think." mrnoun then abruptly ended the press conference and walked away without saying another word. Reporters agree that he's dealing with some serious poo poo right now.

Game 5 will be the last game in Dunwich for the series. The Cultist will try and take their first lead of the series behind Walter Johnson. The Landers will try and stop that noise as Pedro Martinez looks to have another good post-season start.

GAME NOTES

-Incidentally, Brett Error would also be a good name for a wrestler. Or the frontman for a metal band.

-Reggie West, president of the Local Ninja Guild 790, reiterated that the boycott of the Super-League was in effect, "Smasher Dynamo needs to be taught a lesson! Ninjas have rights, too, and we have banded together to create this union to ensure a level playing field in labor negotiations. But Smasher Dynamo has so far refused to respect our right to collectively bargain, telling us that 'a ninja union sounds like the dumbest thing ever.' This man is clearly afraid that the ninjas, united by my union, won't be so easily pushed around. And he should be! That is why, to show Smasher just how serious we are, I'm calling on people who believe in the rights of labor to continue their boycott of this series. I'm asking you to, right now, to leave this thread and not return until Smasher Dynamo finally bargains with us in good faith."

Box Score





Don May posted:


CULTISTS MOVE ONE GAME FROM FINALS WITH 6-5 WIN

Dunwich- The Cultists find themselves on the precipice of greatness.

For eight innings, the Cultists' offense was laughably ineffective, managing only one run and five hits, only one of which went for extra bases. They had only two walks, while striking out eight times. For eight of the nine innings in today's game, the Cultists played like a team that had no business being anywhere near the Super-League finals.

But, then again, the one-half inning of excellence was so great that none of the rest even mattered. In the bottom of the sixth, down 4-1, the Cultists' offense finally, and, as it turned out, briefly came to life, scoring five runs and chasing Pedro Martinez from the game. Oddly enough, their rally was entirely fueled by singles and walks, as the Cultists did not manage a single extra-base hit in the frame. Still, it was an impressive run as the Landers seemed unable to do anything to slow the Cultists down.

Eventually, the Cultists' offense suddenly returned to dormancy, Joe Nathan got two quick outs, and the game continued, with the Cultists being inert for the remainder. In the end, though, the Landers could not quite come back, despite mounting a ninth-inning rally that scored one run, bringing the score to 6-5 Cultists, but were unable to tie the game, as Josh Gibson struck out with a runner on second to end the game.

Gibson did not take this well, responding to this setback with sheer vitriol, "I will bury that team! No one makes Josh Gibson look like a fool! You know, I've been trying to remain cordial to these drat Australians, but they keep pushing, and pushing, and a man can only take so much. Bad enough that they've polluted the world with Foster's beer and Paul Hogan, but now they're going to take this win from us too? That's too much, man! That's just too much! I just can't take it anymore, man! The Cultists are gonna pay! It's over, it's all loving over!"

In the winning locker room, CthulhuDreams dismissed any thoughts of a Landers' comeback, "All we need to do is win Game 6. Win Game 6, and there will be no Game 7, no...Carlton to ruin my plans and my labors. All we need to do is win just one more game, and then it's off to face the hobbled Losers. In Game 2, when Collins started the game, we won. Admittedly, we did not win in extra innings, but Collins showed that he can handle the Landers' rotation. In the next game, he'll get a chance to prove it again. I know that Ray Collins will win. I know this, because I know Mogul. I know Mogul better than anyone. I have gamed the system. I have beaten the system. And now everyone will see it as Ray Collins, who was never any good at anything, will outpitch Roger Clemens. Not because he should, but because the Super-League engine thinks he should. Victory is mine!"

mrnoun deferred his comments until after Game 6.

Game 6 will take place ON THE MOON! The Landers will send forth the Rocket himself, Roger "I eat perjury charges for breakfast" Clemens will strive to keep his team alive. The Cultists will put their faith in Ray Collins.

GAME NOTES

-IF YOU ARE READING THIS UPDATE, YOU ARE VIOLATING THE BOYCOTT SET UP BY LOCAL NINJA GUILD 790! THAT MAKES YOU A SCAB! DON'T BE A SCAB! FOLLOW UNION BOYCOTTS!

-The Landers have six starting hitters hitting above .286 for the series. The Cultists have one. How the hell the Cultists have a 3-to-2 game advantage in this series is a question for the ages.

Box Score





Don May posted:


PUTTING FAITH IN RAY COLLINS PROVES FOOLISH! LANDERS WIN 10-4

MOONLAND!- CthulhuDreams appears to have forgotten Super-League rule no. 1: Ray Collins isn't very good.

This game was an easy win for the Landers. Ray Collins, never much good to begin with, gave up nine runs, eight earned, in less than seven innings as the Landers rolled and forced a decisive Game 7 on the moon.

This, of course, was terrible news for the Cultists who, in addition to losing out on their chance to advance to the Super-League Finals with a win today, but now must start Steve Carlton in Game 7, even though Steve Carlton's starts this years have ranged from "disastrous" to "war crime". There is seemingly no hope left for the Cultists, who appear to be entirely doomed because of this turn of events.

CthulhuDreams, who will now have to wait through another season in his quest to secure a league title, went through the five stages of grief, "Okay, I know that Carlton hasn't been great this year, but the man is a Hall of Famer, and he was good for me last season. And hey, with enough run support, he just might be able to do it, yes, Carlton can certainly win this game....gently caress THIS! THIS IS UNFAIR! Carlton was a Hall of Fame pitcher! He shouldn't be this terrible! SMASHER IS TRYING TO SCREW ME OVER! loving EVERYONE IS TRYING TO SCREW ME OVER!....Okay, listen, Smasher, if you let me put in Mathewson on short rest, I'll personally do all of the division previews for next season. No, the next two seasons. Just let me start anyone other than Carlton. Surely we can work something out, can't we?....It's over, isn't it? There's no way I'm going to be able to pull this off. Just another wasted season ended because of just some fluke injury. What was the point of any of it?....Oh, well, best to move on, I suppose, I may have lost the series, but there's always next season, I suppose."

This reaction angered Steve Carlton, who nominally has a chance to win the series for the Cultists tomorrow, "I'm offended by the fact that no one believes in me. You know, when the government collapses in on itself, and all currency is worthless, and the world is controlled by roving bands of marauders, the only thing that people will be able to rely on is people like me who are prepared for the apocalypse. People like me, with their own bunkers, with guns, ammo, and eighteen different types of pemmican. Why pemmican? Because when the government falls, I'm pretty sure that the world is going to freeze, and pemmican will be the only thing standing between mankind in survival! I kind of lost my train of thought here, but the key is, we need make sure that the polar bears go extinct before the next ice age, which will be two years, or else they will eat us all!"

mrnoun once again deferred making any comments, explaining that, "There's a lot to say, and this series is basically over, but I would rather wait until it's official."

GAME NOTES

-IF YOU ARE READING THIS, YOU ARE A SCAB! STOP BEING A SCAB!

-The Landers had 17 hits on the game, 16 of which came off of Ray Collins. Amazingly, pitching to contact against a great group of hitters is a terrible idea in general.

-Josh Gibson tried to steal a base today...and failed miserably.

Box Score





Don May posted:


LANDERS CLOSE OUT SERIES WITH 9-3 WIN

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!- Some may have thought that, given the buildup, that Steve Carlton would somehow turn in a gem, and get the Cultists an upset win.

That did not happen.

In fact, the Landers beat the hell out of Carlton, slashing him for five runs, including three homers, in seven innings of work, before gashing Kazuhiro Sasaki for four more out of spite. Josh Gibson had two of his team's four home runs, fulfilling the vow of revenge that he had made after Game 5. The Landers scored four runs in the first two innings, and the Cultists never were able to get back in the game.

In the end, the conventional wisdom was correct, and Steve Carlton did cost the Cultists their chance to go to the Super-League finals. Of course, all of that will be forgotten if Steve Carlton's predictions of a epic struggle between man and polar bears in the post-apocalyptic world come to fruition, but, as yet, it is uncertain that they will.

CthulhuDreams, having come to terms with this defeat even before it happened, was already thinking to last season, "Clearly, I need a better starter than Carlton. I can't risk something like this happening again if one of my real starters going down. I could probably get something in the draft if I make a trade. I also want to resolve the left field situation, but that's going to be a lot trickier..."

The winning owner, mrnoun, had a lot to say after the game, "It's been a long road to get here. Some many seasons of struggle. So many things going wrong. But I knew that it was finally time for me to break through. And I knew that because I know that nothing in the Super-League is the same anymore. It's time for me to finally leave behind my earthly possessions, and take my true place among the legends of the Super-League. I don't really belong here anymore, not like this, and it's time for me to finally take that next, decisive step, to challenge the universe itself. Macho Men, Smasher Dynamo, I'm coming!"

Asked about how opponent, the Rockford Losers, mrnoun quickly dismissed them, "Let me tell you something about the Rockford Losers. Their owner, ToiletofSadness, knows a lot about baseball. He knows a lot about roster construction. He knows how to build a great Super-League team. But none of that matters, because I have seen his heart, and it's just not good enough. Allow me to explain. From time to time, Smasher Dynamo has given teams entrance music, for fun, I assume. He gave the Losers the theme from Midnight Express, admittedly, not a theme that fit quite right, but that's not the problem. No, ToiletofSadness wanted a rock theme, one with harder edge. He suggested, and this really happened, he suggest "War Machine" by Kiss." mrnoun's face contorted into a look of revulsion, "Kiss is not a hard rock band. It's barely even rock and roll. Their songs are designed to be insubstantial pieces of fluff that contain messages of the most mild forms of teenage rebellion. Gene Simmons is a bad man who saw rock and roll music primarily as a way to get him vast quantities of women and money. He had no creative spark. He had burning need to express himself through music, all he had was venality and a garish sense of style. Granted, a perfect match for that age, but one that should have been buried with the end of the '70s. Any man who would willingly associate his team with the music of Kiss can never, ever, ever be a champion, because that person's spirit is weak, soft, and a champion's soul can be neither of those things. The Losers will live up to their name. And gently caress Gene Simmons!"

GAME NOTES

-SUDDEN DEATH hit three doubles, as death came for the Cultists.

-The Ninja strike continues!

Box Score





Pick 'em! The time is now!
Pick the winner, number of games (for the love of god, don't let this series go seven games), and final score of the final game
Luna Landers @ Rockford Losers

ToiletofSadness
Mar 27, 2010
Smasher: Quick question before I figure out my lineups: any off days before the finals or am I working with Paige at full rest, Koosman at full rest, Drysdale on 1 day rest, and Seaver at 0 days rest?

Pander
Oct 9, 2007

Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.



gently caress ninjas. Scab 4 lyfe.

This is crazy...the two best teams all year long in the finals together? That should not be...

GVOLTT
Dec 27, 2012

Honestly, I don't know what I want to put here, so I'm going with this.
Pick 'em! The time is now!
Pick the winner, number of games (for the love of god, don't let this series go seven games), and final score of the final game

Luna Landers @ Rockford Losers, 6 games, 8-5

Robert Deadford
Mar 1, 2008
Ultra Carp
Pick em! Gauntlet:

Bloggers and Catastrophes

Pick em! FINALS:

Landers in 6, final score 5-1

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
Losers in 7 (6-4)

Smasher Dynamo
Oct 16, 2008

Eternal Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

ToiletofSadness posted:

Smasher: Quick question before I figure out my lineups: any off days before the finals or am I working with Paige at full rest, Koosman at full rest, Drysdale on 1 day rest, and Seaver at 0 days rest?

You can just go Paige/Drysdale/Seaver/Koosman/Paige/Drysdale/Seaver for this series.

mentholmoose
Nov 5, 2009

YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET


Losers in 6, final score 3-1.

kw0134
Apr 19, 2003

I buy feet pics🍆

Landers in 7 (sorry Smasher), 7-4

Also, I thought we were starting the draft this weekend some time?

ToiletofSadness
Mar 27, 2010

SLIX Finals Roster

Alright, because of the Moon Base's preference for righty HR hitters, I've dropped Tony Oliva in favor of Magglio Ordonez for this series. Really missing Nolan Ryan for this series, because despite his low control, having a 4th righty starter would be preferable to starting the lefty Koosman on the moon. Alas, it's only 1 game of 7, and he has been very effective this season.

One thing to look forward to with this league finals is that regardless of who wins, for the first time in its history, the Super League champion will not be one of the original SLI owners and for only the second time it won't be handed to either TKBomber or Marauder.

Unlike my last visit to the finals, I won't write an in-character rant at my opponent. That was obviously bad luck, and I don't want to get swept like a loving chump again. Good luck to you and your team, mrnoun, as I suppose this is the first and only time our teams will do battle. I expect a tough and competitive series.


Lineups

No DH

CF Speaker
LF O'Doul
RF Robinson
1B Thomas
C Torre
SS Cronin
3B Youkilis
2B Alomar
P Pitcher

With DH

CF Speaker
DH O'Doul
LF Robinson
1B Thomas
C Torre
SS Cronin
3B Youkilis
RF Ordonez
2B Alomar

Bench

C Martinez
2B Kent
SS Tejada
UI Frisch
LF Raines


Pitching

SP1 Paige
SP2 Drysdale
SP3 Seaver
SP4 Koosman

CL Smoltz
SU Bedrosian
SR Wetteland
SR Myers
MR Rhodes
LR Sabathia
MU Fernandez

ToiletofSadness
Mar 27, 2010
I hope you can excuse a double post, but I wanted to keep my finals roster post separate from the pick em scores update post.

:siren: Playoff Pick Em Scores :siren:

kw0134 was the only one of you to pick the Landers in 7 and, so, he is the high score for this second to last playoff update. We will still have the league finals and a guaranteed Macho Men challenge forthcoming, but none of you have really made a move on Zodiac's lead. Please hurry up so the draft pick doesn't fall into the clutches of a Minnesota sports fan.

pre:
Owner	               Score
Zodiac5000	        44
mks5000	                29
Robert_Deadford	        27
kw0134	                26
mentholmoose	        25
Monicro	                25
Beet	                23
GVOLTT	                19
oldskool	        19
CaptainYesterday	18
Chilly McFreeze	        12
FairGame	        12
Revenant Threshold	10
alpha_destroy	         6
TheFlyingLlama	         6
factorialite	         4
tatankatonk	         4
------------------------------------


Pander posted:

This is crazy...the two best teams all year long in the finals together? That should not be...
Yeah, it seems the super league is not a place where you can barely crack .500 in one of the league's worst division, get on a lucky streak, and fall backwards into a World Series title (goddamn, I don't even follow the NL, but I really hated that 06 Cardinals team).

Also, one thing to pick on from last night's SLCS write up: if "War Machine" is good enough for one of ECW's toughest and baddest wrestlers Taz, why isn't it good enough for my team? Hell, the Skyhawks use the loving Nexus theme and how embarrassing is that 3 years after they were all fed to the Cena monster and given one way tickets to Jobber-town?

edit: okay, I'll admit something in the heavy/black metal flavor would be more fitting for a team lead by a murderous war lord, but I don't know poo poo about metal.

ToiletofSadness fucked around with this message at 19:36 on May 12, 2013

mrnoun
Jul 24, 2007

ToiletofSadness posted:


Unlike my last visit to the finals, I won't write an in-character rant at my opponent. That was obviously bad luck, and I don't want to get swept like a loving chump again. Good luck to you and your team, mrnoun, as I suppose this is the first and only time our teams will do battle. I expect a tough and competitive series.



You know, I'd been kind of looking forward to getting all in-character for this. Because you know who comes from Rockford? Cheap loving Trick, that's who. Oh, the fun I would have had. But no, you had to go and be all sportsmanly about it. Good luck to you as well, and may the better team win.

As a final note, should your team be the one to die to the Macho Men, I would like to point out the 1999 Blue Jays and the 1938 Cubs as viable feeders for your replacement team, with a few points left over to fill in the gaps.


Landers Final Lineups

DH Lineups are unchanged.

No-DH Lineups:

vsL:
2B Eddie Collins
LF Manny Ramirez
CF Joe DiMaggio
3B Josh Gibson
RF Hank Aaron
C SUDDEN DEATH
1B Nomar Garciaparra
SS Eddie Joost
Pitcher

vsR:
LF Tim Raines
2B Eddie Collins
CF Joe DiMaggio
C Josh Gibson
3B George Brett
RF Hank Aaron
SS Nomar Garciaparra
1B Will "Big Train Derailer" Clark
Pitcher

Bench and pitching staff unchanged.

Smasher Dynamo
Oct 16, 2008

Eternal Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

kw0134 posted:

Landers in 7 (sorry Smasher), 7-4

Also, I thought we were starting the draft this weekend some time?

We will start as soon as I finish the next gauntlet update.

In other news, I'm declaring the Bloggers to be officially abandoned, and am giving their spot in this next round of the Gauntlet to...A MYSTERY OPPONENT!

Smasher Dynamo
Oct 16, 2008

Eternal Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."
And the name of the mystery opponent is....

THE BOSTON SKYHAWKS!














The Lex 'n Tex Express returns by going a combined 12-2 in a single Gauntlet round!







That'll learn you to delay the EC.







Acceptable collateral damage!







Panda Magic overcomes all!


Pick 'em: ETERNITY!
Pick TWO!
Antarctica Unspecifieds
Boston Skyhawks
Detroit Cougars
Sad Pandas

Smasher Dynamo
Oct 16, 2008

Eternal Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."
Hey, ingrates! Dispersal Draft IX is starting right now! Once it's your turn to pick, you'll have 12 hours to pick a player, or else I'll pick for you.

Mr. Cool Ice, it's your pick! You have 12 hours! Get to it!

Here's the draft spreadsheet

Robert Deadford
Mar 1, 2008
Ultra Carp
Pick 'em: ETERNITY!
Pick TWO!

Antarctica Unspecifieds
Boston Skyhawks

alpha_destroy
Mar 23, 2010

Billy Butler: Fat Guy by Day, Doubles Machine by Night

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Hey, ingrates! Dispersal Draft IX is starting right now! Once it's your turn to pick, you'll have 12 hours to pick a player, or else I'll pick for you.

Mr. Cool Ice, it's your pick! You have 12 hours! Get to it!

Here's the draft spreadsheet

How long do people usually take? It shouldn't matter too much, but this is my finals week, and I was wondering if the expectation is to f5 this thread when not studying, or if people are okay with me checking it around breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.

E: I mean I'd feel bad if everyone picks in like 40 minutes and then has to wait 8 hours for my dumbass to take a break and check-in.

alpha_destroy fucked around with this message at 22:32 on May 12, 2013

Monicro
Oct 21, 2010

And you could feel his features in the air
A wide smile and perfect hair
He had complete control of the rising tides
And a medicine bag hanging at his side

In the flowing blue world of the death-dealing physician
Pick 'em! The time is now!
Pick the winner, number of games (for the love of god, don't let this series go seven games), and final score of the final game
Luna Landers @ Rockford Losers in 7 (:unsmigghh:), 6-4

Pick 'em: ETERNITY!
Pick TWO!
Antarctica Unspecifieds
Boston Skyhawks
Detroit Cougars
Sad Pandas

Robert_Deadford posted:

Pick 'em: ETERNITY!
Pick TWO!

Antarctica Unspecifieds
Boston Skyhawks

look at this loving nerd not picking the pandas

Monicro fucked around with this message at 23:13 on May 12, 2013

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
Unspecifieds
Skyhawks

alpha_destroy
Mar 23, 2010

Billy Butler: Fat Guy by Day, Doubles Machine by Night
Pick 'em! The time is now!
Pick the winner, number of games (for the love of god, don't let this series go seven games), and final score of the final game
Luna Landers @ Rockford Losers in 7, 5-4

Pick 'em: ETERNITY!
Pick TWO!
Antarctica Unspecifieds
Boston Skyhawks
Detroit Cougars
Sad Pandas

Picking the top of the world and the bottom. Because I am just that mad.

ToiletofSadness
Mar 27, 2010
Twice in one day? Why, yes, it's time for another
:siren: Playoff Pick Em Scores Update :siren:

Here's the deal: only way to score this round was to pick the Sad Pandas. For all of you that picked the Bloggers, well, those votes were for the Bloggers not the Skyhawks or the mystery team. Seemed like the fairest thing to do. And I'm sure now that Monathin's team has been unceremoniously ejected from the league, he'll have plenty of time to finish the EC playoffs for you guys...

pre:
Owner	               Score
Zodiac5000	        46
mks5000	                31
kw0134	                28 
mentholmoose	        27
Monicro	                27
Robert_Deadford	        27
Beet	                25
CaptainYesterday	20
GVOLTT	                19
oldskool	        19
Chilly McFreeze	        14
FairGame	        12
Revenant Threshold	10
alpha_destroy	         6
TheFlyingLlama	         6
factorialite	         4
tatankatonk	         4
---------------------------

I'm greatly angered by the supposition that I'm going to lose the series against the Landers.

ToiletofSadness fucked around with this message at 22:46 on May 12, 2013

Beet
Aug 24, 2003
I think there's really only one way the Gauntlet should end at this point, Unspecifieds and Skyhawks. This ensures that as many SLI owners take part in SLX as possible.

kw0134
Apr 19, 2003

I buy feet pics🍆

Riding the Pandas to the bitter end, and who the hell isn't going to pick Skyhawks?

Ginge
Sep 8, 2011

Well, Chippy is already my favourite character!
Trade offer!

Walney Rakers receive:

17th pick in dispersal draft.

Oklahoma City Bombers receive:

22nd pick in dispersal draft.
Rakers' 2nd round pick in Super Draft.

mentholmoose
Nov 5, 2009

YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET


gingemidget posted:

Trade offer!

Walney Rakers receive:

17th pick in dispersal draft.

Oklahoma City Bombers receive:

22nd pick in dispersal draft.
Rakers' 2nd round pick in Super Draft.

Approved.

e: Unspecifieds and Skyhawks advance.

mentholmoose fucked around with this message at 23:40 on May 12, 2013

Senerio
Oct 19, 2009

Roëmænce is ælive!

Smasher Dynamo posted:

And the name of the mystery opponent is....

THE BOSTON SKYHAWKS!


:argh:

Kidding. All the grievances I've had with you has been displaced, let's say...

Revenant Threshold
Jan 1, 2008

alpha_destroy posted:

How long do people usually take? It shouldn't matter too much, but this is my finals week, and I was wondering if the expectation is to f5 this thread when not studying, or if people are okay with me checking it around breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.

E: I mean I'd feel bad if everyone picks in like 40 minutes and then has to wait 8 hours for my dumbass to take a break and check-in.
So long as you're within the time, I don't think it matters much. We're all in different time zones, anyway. It tends to go short, rapid picks in what I guess is early evening in the various US time zones and then a few random ones here and there from us non-Yanks plus those who aren't around then.

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Monathin
Sep 1, 2011

?????????
?

That poo poo was rigged, Smasher, rigged! I could have taken on the Bloggers and the PoMos no sweat! I won't forget this, and neither will the Tokyo Decades! :argh: :argh: :argh:

In other news, yes, the second of three playoff parts is happening tonight.

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