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Timby posted:I know, I know--she even said to me once, "Even as a teenager, I've never been faithful to a partner, but you're turning 40 this year, I'll be 38, and I'm going to be faithful to you," and I should have realized right there that I'm just a crippled dipshit from Chicago now living in Iowa, I never deserved anything from her and I was wrong to expect anything but pain. As a person with an unfaithful fiance as well let me say once you get through the anger and the pain (took me months but anyway) you're going to realize how much better it is to have this happen BEFORE the wedding. If only it happened before the ring. I don't know what to do with this thing. I don't have any other sage pieces of wisdom, as it's been nearly two years and I've yet to even start dating again.
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Jun 18, 2024 23:51
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Timby posted:No, I get it, and I apologize if my tone came across wrong. Words are hard right now. Hey sober buddy---this is a time to take care of yourself, and that includes your sobriety. Let yourself grieve, but not that way. Lean on whatever helped you get this far without drinking, too. Tipping my NA beer to you. I'm sure you've been through some poo poo since your sobriety and relapses, stay strong. I'd say shitpost with us, although I'm not sure if that would keep a man clean or drive him to drink...
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Jun 19, 2024 00:02
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Crescent Wrench posted:Hey sober buddy---this is a time to take care of yourself, and that includes your sobriety. Let yourself grieve, but not that way. Lean on whatever helped you get this far without drinking, too. Tipping my NA beer to you. I'm sure you've been through some poo poo since your sobriety and relapses, stay strong. I'd say shitpost with us, although I'm not sure if that would keep a man clean or drive him to drink... One of the hardest parts of that is that literally on May 31, we moved to a duplex on the far north end of Dubuque. Essentially no bus service unless I walk a half-mile (hard to do in sweltering heat with two bad legs, a broken back and scarred lungs), which means meetings are very, very far away. And since my sponsor moved to Madison a month and a half ago (his wife got transferred), I'm basically going with temporary sponsors until I find someone I like. Normally, I'd just go to a meeting myself, because my ... God, I guess I have to call her my ex, now ... well, we shared the car. Can't really do that anymore.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:06
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Sorry man, I had some things typed up but I was getting too far in the weeds with my own past relationship issues but ultimately she just sucks and doesn't deserve you. Push through the bullshit the best you can until you make it to the other side of this. My wife (fiance at the time) and I separated a couple years ago and everything hurt but I found positive things to focus on to get me through. Whatever it takes, find something to keep you grounded for now. I lived in the gym and it was very good for me but you find whatever you need. This sucks hard right now but you'll end up finding someone who's honest and worthy of you. Keep your head up and know your value going forward, she took advantage of your feelings for her which is really lovely but karma will take care of that down the road I'm sure.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:06
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Timby posted:One of the hardest parts of that is that literally on May 31, we moved to a duplex on the far north end of Dubuque. Essentially no bus service unless I walk a half-mile (hard to do in sweltering heat with two bad legs, a broken back and scarred lungs), which means meetings are very, very far away. And since my sponsor moved to Madison a month and a half ago (his wife got transferred), I'm basically going with temporary sponsors until I find someone I like. Oof, what an awful time to have the continuity of your recovery hosed up. Are there any online options as a stopgap? I'm not really sure what the scene is like now, I know it was big over COVID but that was a different world and I'm in New York, I don't know if there are non-region-specific meetings. And I was never an AA guy, actually I recently just dipped from my last online group at the facility I went to.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:13
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Dango Bango posted:Agreed in general. But I can get on board with the logic that because Homelander was not aware of our expecting Hughie in the vents, he didn't have his super senses focused on him until being hit with the sweat drop. Agreed on principle. With the caveat that I was high when we watched it so maybe I just missed it, I'd be more willing to go with that explanation if there was even two seconds taken to establish some reason he was distracted or not paying attention. It was a clandestine meeting, and Hughie was literally in the vent opening blowing air into the room.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:19
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Oh hell, sorry to hear that Timby. All the best man, take some time to decompress.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:19
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Are you going to stay in Iowa? I think that's a bad idea on principle just having spent a lot of time in Iowa but unsure of your plans. Seems like you should try to get the f out of there?
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Jun 19, 2024 00:19
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kiimo posted:Are you going to stay in Iowa? I think that's a bad idea on principle just having spent a lot of time in Iowa but unsure of your plans. Seems like you should try to get the f out of there? I became an adult in Dubuque (went to college here, met my best friends here, started a business here that while I am no longer a partner in, I still copy edit the paper I used to run), and I love being on a majestic river city. I don't really know how else to live somewhere. I mean, I did Madison for eleven years, but that's where I got divorced, and the cost of living is obscene because of tech companies like Epic.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:23
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I've never been to Dubuque. If you love it, maybe at least see if you can break your lease and live in an area that makes more sense. But if you're also currently looking for work you might have to ride it out for a while.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:28
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Sorry to hear everything Timby. Reach out to those friends for support along with what everyone else has mentioned to help grieve and take care of yourself.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:29
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I'm so sorry Timby. I also forgave and tried to make things work with someone who cheated on me and they did something similar (we weren't engaged or formally living together thankfully) and oof, I feel you about skipping anger and going straight to depression. People downplay online supports but don't feel like you can't turn to them because sometimes you just need someone to listen.
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Jun 19, 2024 00:54
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Fuuuuuuull 
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Jun 19, 2024 00:54
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drat Timby that sucks a lot man, sorry.
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Jun 19, 2024 01:19
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 If I ever bring up mention of allowing my former fiancee to come back into my life beyond getting her (and the kids') stuff out of the apartment or asking if we can still be friends, ban my rear end.
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Jun 19, 2024 01:25
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Dude you won’t even entertain the thought. Youre stronger than that. Just remember “fool me thrice? gently caress that”
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Jun 19, 2024 01:38
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Timby I feel for you, pal. I also never understood how you had a fiancee but no food, like this person apparently had kids and a job and a car but wasn't volunteering to keep you fed, like I can't imagine dating someone who couldn't afford food and not buying them food. But I said nothing because you seemed happy and I did not want to inject that kind of negativity where it wasn't invited. But right now with this shoe dropped, man she sure seems selfish to me.
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Jun 19, 2024 01:40
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RIP Willie Mays 
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Jun 19, 2024 02:19
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Joey Freshwater posted:RIP Willie Mays I learned simultaneously that Mays was still alive and had died. I assumed he’d been dead for like 20yrs for some reason.
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Jun 19, 2024 02:49
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gently caress, RIP to a legend.
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Jun 19, 2024 02:53
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LeeMajors posted:I learned simultaneously that Mays was still alive and had died. I assumed he’d been dead for like 20yrs for some reason. This was me too 
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Jun 19, 2024 03:29
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Just finished the Murdaugh Murders https://m.imdb.com/title/tt26340238/ loving wild Anything else good like this quality wise? Know I mentioned it the other day but thinking about rewatching the head exploding bank robber again.
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Jun 19, 2024 07:25
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Intruder posted:forget stepping on legos barefoot, the real pain is stepping on one of those hard plastic chewbones that your dog left in a spot you couldn't quite see it. a well loved and well chewed one that has all the sharp little edges all over the place I haven’t lived with a dog in about 13 years but can sense and remember this feeling precisely. A very specific type of sharp. Thaddius the Large posted:It’s like graduating college and getting a real grownup job, you miss a lot of the old stuff but find new things to appreciate! And also get older and fatter and more stressed out and grey, but in a good way. Usually. Yeah, it’s not fun sometimes but watching a little person grow and begin to become themselves is fun. And I only have a two-year-old, I can’t wait to see even more. Timby posted:
Nah, I think there might be some strong warnings and “don’t be a dummy” comments but banning you from the community for that? That seems a bit far.
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Jun 19, 2024 08:27
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I am friends with almost all of my exes including my ex fiancé. I guess some people need to  but I’ve never felt the need. We’re all just trying to find the One and if that person isn’t the one, no sense in hating them. at least that’s how my weird rear end brain thinks. Even if they cheated on you and it feels like they screwed you over, I’ve always felt like when you find the one they won’t cheat and cheating is a way many people let the other know that you weren’t the One and there is nothing wrong with that. Sorry for the late night musings but I’ve never really understand hating someone because your relationship didn’t work out and never speaking to them again. Most of my relationships have been friends in the beginning though
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Jun 19, 2024 08:58
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Cheating is ok is certainly a take Feel like there’s better ways to let someone know you don’t wanna be with them like idk maybe literally anything else
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Jun 19, 2024 12:19
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It’s called performative dance, duh.
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Jun 19, 2024 12:24
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In a world where people are driven into depression, and occasionally suicide, over infidelity, I'm going to have to say that cheating makes you a tremendous rear end in a top hat at the very least.
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Jun 19, 2024 12:35
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I think they're saying "not being The One is okay", not "cheating to tell someone that is okay"
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Jun 19, 2024 13:54
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kiimo posted:I am friends with almost all of my exes including my ex fiancé. I guess some people need to this take can be seen as minimizing which I don't think is your intention. It's OK to feel resentment and its OK to reconcile if that's within your belief system. Cheating is significant emotional harm though and it's reasonable to not want to be in any form of relationship with someone who knowingly harmed you. Cheating is one of the purest types of "knowing harm" where the cheater KNOWS that their actions will cause harm to the other party, and then chooses to do it anyway. It's a bit more complex than "the relationship didn't work out" a more accurate description is "this person chose to harm me ìn a serious and intractable way when they could have chosen not to" and then deciding you don't want a person who acts that way in your life; which is fair
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Jun 19, 2024 14:15
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kiimo posted:I am friends with almost all of my exes including my ex fiancé. I guess some people need to Simply have only one romantic partner for your entire adult life and you can avoid this conundrum altogether  A good friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend of a few years and they've talked about continuing to be friends with each other (no infidelity at play AFAIK), though my wife says that the ex-boyfriend should just cut my friend out of his life entirely if he wants her back in the future lol. It takes all kinds!
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Jun 19, 2024 14:49
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Amazing what falling asleep to a good thunderstorm can do for the soul. Speaking of good for the soul, talked to my best friend and I'm borrowing his Toys for Tots pickup truck for the time being until I get back on my feet, so I am no longer without wheels. Already hit up an AA meeting this morning and some folks I know from the fellowship club invited me to a card game tonight. I appreciate--I mean this genuinely--all the kind words from yesterday. I'm not square with myself yet, I know that loss is a process, and so is grieving, but I know what I have to do. So thank you, all y'all.
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Jun 19, 2024 15:04
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Glad to see you feel like you're on the upward mend Timby.
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Jun 19, 2024 15:30
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Coco13 posted:Glad to see you feel like you're on the upward mend Timby. The rational part of me knows that this is likely a dead cat bounce (or denial) and by the weekend I'll have hit a point where I'm alternating between climbing the walls and screaming with such ferocity that Bruce Dickinson would say, "drat, son, take a breath." But I'll ride this for as long as I can.
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Jun 19, 2024 15:32
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Timby posted:The rational part of me knows that this is likely a dead cat bounce (or denial) and by the weekend I'll have hit a point where I'm alternating between climbing the walls and screaming with such ferocity that Bruce Dickinson would say, "drat, son, take a breath." But I'll ride this for as long as I can. Just remember that it's okay if that's the case. It's part of the grieving process and it's normal.
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Jun 19, 2024 15:47
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Cheating is bad and for a million bucks I will have Two. There is No One. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lmW2tZP2kU
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Jun 19, 2024 16:35
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Amy Pole Her posted:she showed you who she was and you didn’t believe her. This is the truth
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Jun 19, 2024 18:51
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Denial, river, Egypt, etc.
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Jun 19, 2024 18:54
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Why? https://x.com/AP/status/1803490460872102333
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Jun 19, 2024 19:18
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I can't wait until the Church of Satan gets involved with this one!quote:the Ten Commandments are described as “foundational documents of our state and national government.” Haha get the gently caress out of here with that bullshit Black Sunshine fucked around with this message at 19:22 on Jun 19, 2024 |
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Jun 19, 2024 19:19
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Oh they've bypassed that, the legislative act just explicitly puts the 10 commandments into every classroom, it doesn't create some mechanism by which religious people can put their text with equal access into a public space. It's flagrantly unconstitutional and basically the same thing has been shot down by the supreme court before, but I guess they're counting on the current SC majority to just go ahead and burn another piece of the constitution.
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Jun 19, 2024 19:24
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