SA Quotes Thread: a rap song about Granos called "Call Tha Police"

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cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

Acne Rain posted:

Defending his pumpkins with a shotgun

loving hell

He gave his life to protect those puckins.

:911:

# ? Feb 10, 2015 07:09

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 03:37

Das Boo: Jun 9, 2011; There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

Welp.

e: Oh, wait, it's Florida.

Das Boo has a new favorite as of 07:44 on Feb 10, 2015

# ? Feb 10, 2015 07:35

Your Gay Uncle: Feb 16, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

Something Awful Quotes Thread: I've got one fat boy pussy.

# ? Feb 10, 2015 10:26

BioTech: Feb 5, 2007; ...drinking myself to sleep again...

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Posted by Trochanter, in the now-closed F-35 thread.

Also from Trochanter, in that same thread:

Wasn't there a bunch of quotes by some guy about how the F-35 was actually moving backwards technically and he expected the next model to be pulled by oxen or something? And then burst into flames.

# ? Feb 10, 2015 11:41

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

pentyne posted:

- that TCC poster trying to buy a gun (who was in the midst of a insane drug binge, talked about needing to protect himself, then said "lol i got one from a friend n/m")

What wound up being the outcome here, if there was any follow up

# ? Feb 10, 2015 13:14

fool of sound: Oct 10, 2012

sweeperbravo posted:

What wound up being the outcome here, if there was any follow up

He continues to post that he loves meth till this day,

# ? Feb 10, 2015 13:37

Arsonist Daria: Feb 27, 2011; ^{Requiescat in pace.}

fool_of_sound posted:

He continues to post that he loves meth till this day,

Well, they say "do what you love".

# ? Feb 10, 2015 14:24

O. Henry O-Face: Sep 16, 2009

BioTech posted:

Wasn't there a bunch of quotes by some guy about how the F-35 was actually moving backwards technically and he expected the next model to be pulled by oxen or something? And then burst into flames.

That was cock hero flux, he has a bunch of good ones in the old f-35 thread.

cock hero flux posted:

lmao everyone forgot how to build planes

like in 50 years they're going to proudly introduce the F-300 by having a team of oxen pull it out of the hangar and then enthusiastically describe its many features while it bursts into flames behind them

# ? Feb 10, 2015 15:07

Artemis J Brassnuts: Jan 2, 2009; I regret😢 to inform📢 I am the most sexually🍆 vanilla 🍦straight 📏 dude😰 on the planet🌎

WarpedNaba posted:

[...] claims he'd have made it into NZSAS if he hadn't busted his knee [...]

I know three people with this exact story and they all are the biggest military fetishists I know. It's so common that I've always wondered if actual soldiers have a specific term for those kind of people.

# ? Feb 10, 2015 17:44

Just Offscreen: Jun 29, 2006; We must hope that our current selves will one day step aside to make room for better versions of us.

That reminds me of the descriptions some guy made about how dumb horses are, and the many stupid ways in which they get themselves killed.

# ? Feb 10, 2015 18:25

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Just Offscreen posted:

That reminds me of the descriptions some guy made about how dumb horses are, and the many stupid ways in which they get themselves killed.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3695000&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1#post440389800

Page 1 of this thread

# ? Feb 10, 2015 18:30

22 Eargesplitten: Oct 10, 2010

Artemis J Brassnuts posted:

I know three people with this exact story and they all are the biggest military fetishists I know. It's so common that I've always wondered if actual soldiers have a specific term for those kind of people.

One I've heard is Mittys. Or Walts in the UK, same thing basically.

# ? Feb 10, 2015 19:27

A Buttery Pastry: Sep 4, 2011; Delicious and Informative!

22 Eargesplitten posted:

One I've heard is Mittys. Or Walts in the UK, same thing basically.

Just a different way to shorten Walter Mitty presumably.

# ? Feb 10, 2015 19:37

Count Freebasie: Jan 12, 2006

Baron von Eevl posted:

It wasn't a friend, it was some random people walking by who may or may not have been messing with his pumpkins.

Yeah, you're conflating "puckins" with Bomber166 (he's in SAclopedia)

# ? Feb 10, 2015 20:59

Rabbit Hill: Mar 11, 2009; God knows what lives in me in place of me.; Grimey Drawer

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

im calling it now fiancee is his cats name

social vegan posted:

and also his relationship w it

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

fiancee feast

# ? Feb 10, 2015 21:10

trapped mouse: May 25, 2008; by Azathoth

Pope Corky the IX posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3695000&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1#post440389800

Page 1 of this thread

Ruddha posted:

Oh poor ol' Freckles, thought of ants and died

I've had this quote stuck in my head all week. Strangely poetic.

# ? Feb 10, 2015 21:17

DoctorWhat: Nov 18, 2011; A little privacy, please?

trapped mouse posted:

I've had this quote stuck in my head all week. Strangely poetic.

it's so good

# ? Feb 10, 2015 21:27

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

trapped mouse posted:

On the flip side of this, back when I was a child, probably around 5, I was hanging out with the neighbor kids. My dad came out and asked if we needed anything, and I asked if we could all have lemonade. He went over to the corner store, and came back quickly. Me and my friends took a sip, then I took another sip, and said "Daddy, this lemonade tastes weird."

Turns out it was Mike's Hard. My dad freaked out, and had a fun conversation with all of us that was basically just "Hey! Never, ever tell your parents anything about this!" I think this was before their aggressive marketing campaign, so it's somewhat understandable. Still, not my dad's happiest hour!

# ? Feb 10, 2015 22:34

Centripetal Horse: Nov 22, 2009; Fuck money, get GBS

This could have bought you a half a tank of gas, lmfao -
Love, gromdul

Pope Corky the IX posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3695000&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1#post440389800

Page 1 of this thread

I love all those quotes. I also love this horse-related quote from TomR, about a horse-breeding game he was working on:

TomR posted:

I help her with the game and I've been doing some beta testing. Here are some samples from an older version.

There are limits in place to prevent horrible mutants, but you can make horses that don't conform to known horses.

# ? Feb 11, 2015 01:01

Captain_Maclaine: Sep 30, 2001; Every moment that I'm alive, I pray for death!

sweeperbravo posted:

What wound up being the outcome here, if there was any follow up

If they're referring to TCC superstar mom, he claimed to have gotten his hands on a piece anyway despite being on a watchlist for threatening to kill Sarah Palin. He has since gone on to totally be in control of his habit of mainlining meth and never once missed a shot so bad his whole arm swelled up and he nearly had to have it amputated.

# ? Feb 11, 2015 01:52

Haruharuharuko: Mar 24, 2008; Yeah I lied; so what is the truth?

RandomFerret posted:

Every time I hear somebody from the west coast complain about the weather, I grab a shovel and go search snow banks until I see the characteristic divot that suggests there might be a fire hydrant buried under there. Then I dig for thirty or forty minutes until I find a flash-frozen arc of urine and follow that back to the puppy stuck to the other end so I can kick it.

# ? Feb 11, 2015 03:26

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Captain_Maclaine posted:

If they're referring to TCC superstar mom, he claimed to have gotten his hands on a piece anyway despite being on a watchlist for threatening to kill Sarah Palin. He has since gone on to totally be in control of his habit of mainlining meth and never once missed a shot so bad his whole arm swelled up and he nearly had to have it amputated.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3221380&userid=82519

quote:

so i recently tried buying a firearm and recieved a phone call today from the dealer saying i was "flaggeD". he didnt say denied because i passed the background check but he said verbaitm "your name has been flagged and you have been denied the sale of a firearm". anyone know what this means? i dont have a legal record of mental illness and i have no felony convictions but i was investigated by the secret service 4 years ago but i dont know how that would be releated. really angers me now because its one more loving straw about to break my back and im starting to get pissed off. i know people with guns and its all hobbies to them but when a person actually needs a firearm you cant even loving buy one

quote:

i threatened to kill sarah palin during her vice presidency campaign, i was unaware that you couldn't threaten people holding political office, i didnt see what the big deal was at the time since i threaten to kill like 10 people a day (xbox, w/e). i was able to convince them to not press charges by hotboxing my car and getting stoned prior to the interview, wearing a jose cuervo hat, and basically acting like a loving moron during the 3 times they interviewed me, the DA ended up dropping the charges because they thought i was a stoner idiot who was drunk/high when sending the threat. i was stopped at the airport too in AK when i got off the plane and was asked why I was there (construction work) and that was that. who would have thought in the freest country in america your second ammendment rights are REVOKED based on speculation

quote:

thats not a worry since i already got my gun, as you can tell this is the first and last time ill post in this forum full of fags, guns are for killing yourself or other people, anyone who keeps one as a "hobby" or w/e the gently caress you do is a loving retard haha.

peace

# ? Feb 11, 2015 03:26

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Not gonna lie, that stoned idiot defense sounds genius.

# ? Feb 11, 2015 03:37

Your Gay Uncle: Feb 16, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

He's just a method actor. Years of being a stoned moron prepared him to pretend to be a stoned moron

# ? Feb 11, 2015 06:17

fish and chips and dip: Feb 17, 2010

Ruddha posted:

greetings, i wear the clothes that are named after the book where a pedophile romanticizes child rape

corn in the bible posted:

i didnt know there were quran brand clothes

# ? Feb 11, 2015 11:30

SaltyJesus: Jun 2, 2011; Arf!

Tezzor posted:

hi could you pass me the wrench

oh it's la llave and not el llave? how robust and necessary

loquacius posted:

Please do not misgender my wrench; it's very difficult to loosen this bolt when my tools literally shake this much

# ? Feb 11, 2015 12:00

A Shitty Reporter: Oct 29, 2012; Dinosaur Gum

Tighclops posted:

If most people could be arsed to look up things other than what they intend to buy or gently caress, we'd be looking at a different world

# ? Feb 11, 2015 18:39

Primetime: Jul 3, 2009

In honor of Valentines Day - does anyone have the story (I'm 90% sure it was from SA) about what true love is? It basically involved a girl putting a lamp next to the thermostat, a guy fixing it repeatedly, and ended with something like "and you continue to fix it, not because she broke it again, but because you don't want her to be cold anymore."

# ? Feb 13, 2015 12:53

Jedit: Dec 10, 2011; Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

pentyne posted:

- tons of GiP posters who got hilariously outed as liars, including one who was banging a tranny camgirl

Clarification, please: was this last person outed as a liar who was banging a tranny camgirl, or outed as lying about having banged a tranny camgirl?

# ? Feb 13, 2015 12:59

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

The former. Was posting like grade a bigoted human garbage, primarily about his entirely fictional career as a ~blackops leet snypah~, while, incidentally, banging a tranny camwhore.

# ? Feb 13, 2015 13:15

the future is WOW: Sep 9, 2005; I QUIT!

Jedit posted:

Clarification, please: was this last person outed as a liar who was banging a tranny camgirl, or outed as lying about having banged a tranny camgirl?

I'm pretty sure it's the former but I can't find the thread to confirm it. If I remember the whole thing correctly he was lying about being special forces (SAS I think?), but his story was so bad that it took almost no time to figure out he was full of poo poo. In the process it was discovered that he was not only banging a camgirl but she was also MTF. I wish I could find the thread because that poo poo was hilarious.

e:...and that's what I get for going to the bathroom mid-reply.

the future is WOW has a new favorite as of 13:39 on Feb 13, 2015

# ? Feb 13, 2015 13:33

That Works: Jul 22, 2006; Can't post for 4 hours!

The Mentalizer posted:

I'm pretty sure it's the former but I can't find the thread to confirm it. If I remember the whole thing correctly he was lying about being special forces (SAS I think?), but his story was so bad that it took almost no time to figure out he was full of poo poo. In the process it was discovered that he was not only banging a camgirl but she was also MTF. I wish I could find the thread because that poo poo was hilarious.

e:...and that's what I get for going to the bathroom mid-reply.

I remember the story too. He was claiming to be a marine recon who was trying to (or did) get into the BUDS course to become a SEAL. IIRC he had been posting for a while and only after a couple of slips later on someone finally figured out he was bullshit. At least that's how I recall it, that he was running with the story for a while. It was a sticky in GiP or something for a bit I think about a year or so ago.

# ? Feb 13, 2015 14:01

Man_alive: May 6, 2007; <Insert Witty Phrase Here>

Primetime posted:

In honor of Valentines Day - does anyone have the story (I'm 90% sure it was from SA) about what true love is? It basically involved a girl putting a lamp next to the thermostat, a guy fixing it repeatedly, and ended with something like "and you continue to fix it, not because she broke it again, but because you don't want her to be cold anymore."

I don't recall who posted this, but here it is in all it's glory:

quote:

gently caress all the pop song puppy love bullshit. Your heart skipping a beat isn't love, it's cardiac arrhythmia. It's not about shortness of breath, either, or how turned on you get or whether you tell yourself you'd throw yourself in front of a bus for her or whatever. You can convince yourself of a lot about how you feel and what you would do in exchange for regular oral sex.

Love is when she drives you insane sometimes. And I don't mean merely "aggravating" or "annoying," I mean flat-out loving in. Sane. And in a way nobody else can do it in a million years. She'll drive you to the point where you'd gouge out your own eyeball with a melon baller or smack your scrotum a half-dozen times with a ball peen hammer if it means you can be done with this conversation. She'll make you want to chew your own arm off to get out of talking about this. And I don't care how many loving times you've had this conversation, each time, you know you'll have it again:

Her: I thought you turned the heat on.
You: I did.
Her: Well, I'm still cold. Are you sure you did it right?
You: Yes, I'm pretty sure I know how to turn on a thermostat.
Her: 'Cause you know you have to flip the switch to "heat" and....
You: Honey! I know! How to turn on! A thermostat! I went to college for it and everything.
Her: Well, I don't feel any heat blowing in here.
You: I know. I think you broke the thermostat again.
Her: I didn't break it.
You: Yes, you did, you put that halogen lamp right next to it again.
Her: That doesn't do anything.
You: Yes, it does.
Her: I thought you fixed it?
You: I did fix it, and you broke it again.
Her: Are you sure you fixed it right?
You: Yes, goddammit, I fixed it right.
Her: How do you know you fixed it?
You: 'Cause it worked when I fixed it!
Her: Well, it's not working now.
You: 'Cause you broke it again!
Her: How'd I break it?
You: You put the goddamn, loving lamp next to it!
Her: I don't see why a lamp would break a thermostat.
You: OK. I'm going to explain this. One more time. Slowly. Thermostats have a coil inside them that expands and contracts based on the temperature. This is how they know when it is hotter than the setting of the A/C, so it can cool the room off, or colder than the setting of the heating, so it can heat the room up. Halogen lamps generate heat. Halogen lamps generate a lot of heat. That's why you burn your fingers when you touch the bulbs after they've been on for a while. So when you put a halogen lamp next to a thermostat, it causes the coil to keep expanding and expanding and expanding past the point it's intended to expand. This makes the thermostat think it's really, really hot all the time, and it makes the coil less sensitive in the future, and it'll eventually break the coil so I'll have to replace the thermostat.
Her: That doesn't sound right.
You: Trust me. It's right.
Her: How do you know?
You: BECAUSE I TOOK SIXTH GRADE loving PHYSICS, OK?!
Her: Well, I don't think they should make thermostats that can be broken by something little like a lamp.
You: Fine. Don't think that. Write a letter to the manufacturers. Write a letter to universities and tell them to build a better thermostat. I don't loving care. But that's how they make them. That's why I keep moving the lamp, that's why I keep telling you not to put it back to the right of the bookcase, that's why I've had to fix the thermostat four loving times now. Stop! Putting! The lamp! Right! Next! To the thermostat!
Her: But on the other side of the bookcase, the front of the hallway is dark, and I can't see inside my gift closet.
You: Well, you can turn on the hall light to go through your gift closet, or you can sit here and be cold! Your choice, honey!
Her:
You:
Her:
You:
Her: I don't think you fixed the thermostat right.
You: GOD-MOTHERFUCKING-DAMMIT, I'M GOING TO FIX THAT MOTHERFUCKING THERMOSTAT TOMORROW, AND I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST IF YOU PUT THE LAMP NEAR THE THERMOSTAT AGAIN, I WILL SMASH IT TO A MILLION loving PIECES AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR GODDAMN THROAT!!! MOTHERFUCK ME, JESUS!!!!!!

And if the seventh time you have that conversation, knowing full well there will be an eighth time, you'd still rather have that conversation again than imagine a world she's not in, you're in love.

Especially if you do fix that thermostat... again... the next day, and not just so she'll shut up about it, but because you really don't want her to be cold anymore.

# ? Feb 13, 2015 14:08

Ancient Mariner: Jan 14, 2015; by Lowtax

Jedit posted:

Clarification, please: was this last person outed as a liar who was banging a tranny camgirl, or outed as lying about having banged a tranny camgirl?

I heard it was some limey oval office though, that was for sure. Anyone have the quote?

# ? Feb 13, 2015 14:11

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

There was a callout thread and it was goldmined. Could have been helldump, or gip goldmine, if there is such a thing. Am on phone and thus thumbwise challenged.

e: vvvv you know I'm fairly sure you're spot on.

e2: or maybe not. So many names around this place.

Karate Bastard has a new favorite as of 15:06 on Feb 13, 2015

# ? Feb 13, 2015 14:18

Yngwie Mangosteen: Aug 23, 2007

Wasn't it Tuyop? Canadian dude wanna be army spec ops, hosed a tranny quite a few times?

# ? Feb 13, 2015 14:42

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

Tuyop did get defensive on his finance thread when people called him a tranny-fucker so it might have been him. He was also really gung-ho about being an infantry officer until he ruined his back carrying a thing, when it turned out he really, really hated his life and also being an infantry officer :v:

# ? Feb 13, 2015 15:15

That Works: Jul 22, 2006; Can't post for 4 hours!

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

Tuyop did get defensive on his finance thread when people called him a tranny-fucker so it might have been him. He was also really gung-ho about being an infantry officer until he ruined his back carrying a thing, when it turned out he really, really hated his life and also being an infantry officer

Nah the dude that got outed in the thread in question was not in the military at all. I looked around through goldmine and GiP and couldn't find it either...

# ? Feb 13, 2015 15:17

Karate Bastard: Jul 31, 2007; Soiled Meat

Haha holy gently caress people I found him :haw:

Used to be called IDR, KyleIDR, or currently WP CURES PALESTINE.

Here's the callout thread. Consider all of it a quote.

e: I googled gip fake sniper and found somethingsensitive, and knew I'd struck gold.

e2: Poor tyuop, gotta be hard to get mixed up with this piece of poo poo all the time. Think I remember his name coming up in passing at some point that thread around as well, for no real good reason.

Karate Bastard has a new favorite as of 21:31 on Feb 13, 2015

# ? Feb 13, 2015 16:49

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 03:37

the future is WOW: Sep 9, 2005; I QUIT!

Karate Bastard posted:

Haha holy gently caress people I found him

Used to be called IDR, KyleIDR, or currently WP CURES PALESTINE.

Here's the callout thread. Consider it all of it a quote.

e: I googled gip fake sniper and found somethingsensitive, and knew I'd struck gold.

Oh man, that's it. Good find!

e: Goddamn that poo poo is funnier than I remember

quote:

May 25 14:39:10 <Rrail> dont take this the wrong way but the CIA doesnt hire retarded people

# ? Feb 13, 2015 19:25

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > SA Quotes Thread: a rap song about Granos called "Call Tha Police"

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