BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Week 23 Injury Report

Besaid Aurochs
Dick Drago (SP) (Sahagin bite) - 10 days

Cosmic Space Fish
Roger Clemens (SP) (Clucking all the while) - 11 days
Rick Honeycutt (RP) (Unconscious on the bar room tile) - 15 days

Rochester Generics
Rich Gossage (RP) (Mercy kill) - 15 days

Salem Witches
Eddie Mathews (3B) (Oh no! Someone reversed the curse!) - 21 days

# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:46

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 01:31

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Ice To Meet You posted:

Cosmic Space Fish
Roger Clemens (SP) (Clucking all the while) - 11 days

img-it's-happening.gif

# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:50

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

Miguel Tejada takes Denis Menke's spot in the starting lineup.

# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:01

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Super-League XVI, Week 23: HURT!

Games of the Week

Don May posted:

PHANTOMS PIONEER NEW AND EXCITING WAY TO LOSE AS LAUNCH BALLMAN TAKES LOSS IN 7-6 MARMOSETS WIN

Dorchester- Give the Phantoms credit, they're always looking for new ways to lose ball games.

In today's game, the Phantoms certainly had the chance to win. The Marmosets have not been playing great in the last few weeks, though, having all but clinched a wildcard in the Dynamo League, and the Phantoms, though never world-beaters themselves, have been, just as they have the past few seasons, been just good enough to survive demotion. Winning today's game wouldn't have made much of a difference to the Phantoms' ultimate fate this season, as they are nine games back of a wildcard with three weeks remaining in the season, which is simply not enough to time to close a gap that large.

Still, even if the Phantoms are basically locked into a non-playoff, non-demotion system, they still have next season to prepare for, and as the Marmosets are almost certain to return to the Dynamo League Super-League XVII, it was important for the Phantoms to prove to themselves, if no one else, that hope remained for next season.

To that end, the first nine innings went about as well as they were apt to for the Phantoms. Against the Marmosets' offense, which might be the best in the league but for the nuclear furnace that is the Pirates' starting nine, the Phantoms did not do a terrible job in holding the Marmosets to just six runs. Even better, the Phantoms' offense, normally somewhere between 'terrible' and 'very terrible' had one of its rare good days against the Marmosets, and put up six runs of its own.

That meant that the game would be going to extra innings, and with the Marmosets having already used Chelsea Baker and Rollie Fingers and the Phantoms being at home, the game was eminently winnable.

And that's when everything took a wrong turn.

In the ninth inning, trying to win the game before extra innings, TKBomber did the sensible thing, and pinch-hit Lance Berkman for Hoyt Wilhelm. That, of course, is the smart choice, because Wilhelm essentially can't hit at all, and Berkman has the power to end the game in one swing of the bat. He didn't end the game, of course, flying out to left, but it was a good effort, all things considered.

According to the rules of baseball, as Lance Berkman had been substituted as a pinch-hitter, he was now, technically speaking, in the game as the new pitcher of the Phantoms. Normally, a manager would quickly substitute a reliever for the pinch-hitter before the next inning started, since not doing so would obligate Berkman to pitch to the Marmosets, something that Berkman, a position player, should absolutely not have been allowed to do. But TKBomber did not bring in a reliever, and Berkman started the tenth inning on the mound, where, not being a pitcher, he immediately walked the leadoff batter on four pitchers.

TKBomber did sub in an actual reliever at this point, and the Phantoms did manage to limit the damage to a single run, but that still put them behind 7-6 going into the bottom of the tenth when Zodiac5000, taking advantage of the expanded rosters, unleashed Cannonball Titcomb against the Phantoms. It will come as no surprise that, like all men who live and die in this vale of woe, the Phantoms were no more proof against the might of Cannonball that piece of tissue paper, and that was the end of them, as they failed to score the tying run and thereby lost the game.

"Oh, right, no DH rule." TKBomber remembered after the game, "Which is bullshit. I know that Smasher is a Cubs fan, and they play in the no-DH league, but, you know, I don't know why it is that we need to have it in the Super-League. I mean, yeah, I guess this is the first time in 16 seasons that something like this is happening, but there was always a risk that a manager was going to fall asleep during an extra-innings game and that something like this could happen." A reporter asked if TKBomber was admitting to falling asleep during the game. "Hey, hey, hey, listen, I don't need to explain myself to you. I'm a three-time Super-League Champion. The only other owner to win that many titles is Marauder, and you wouldn't ask him if he fell asleep during a game. You'd ask him why he let Rollie Fingers blow another save."

"And besides, TKBomber tried to explain himself, we didn't know that Lance Berkman couldn't be an effective reliever. No one had ever really tried to stop and find out if he could be a lockdown reliever. If Berkman had turned out to be a secretly great pitcher, it would have been a stroke of genius to leave him in the game. It just didn't work out. But it could have! Lance Berkman could have been a great pitcher, if he had been great at pitching. But no one knew. I guess we do now."

As for the Marmosets, Zodiac5000 was preparing to return to the plains of Sodak to better prepare for the required ritual authorization of the Sodak elders for the Marmosets' playoff run. "Yeah, you know, it's really more a formality, since no one can remember the last time that the Sodak elders denied a team a chance to play in the playoffs, but Sodak tradition is Sodak tradition. You forget that, then you forget what being in Sodak is all about." Zodiac5000 said after the game, "I am sure, when I come before the Sodak elders in the great silo of Pierre, they will grant me their blessing, as well as the teal windbreaker of honor to lead this team into the Wildcard game, probably against the Losers. And I intend to win that game. And then we'll face the Pirates in the first round proper, and that's probably going to end with us going in the thresher, but we'll give it our best shot, that's for sure."

GAME NOTES

-Berkman is not good at pitching, although, in his defense, leaving a runner on first without any outs isn't really that bad a situation to leave one's team in, and the other Phantoms relievers deserve some blame for what happened afterwards.

-Josh Hamilton is still on the Marmosets' roster, and was marginally helpful, as he hit a pinch-hit home run to tie the game late.

-Rogers Hornsby isn't really a third baseman, and it's still kind of weird that Zodiac5000 thinks he is. But hey, Hornsby's fielding average hasn't dipped below .900 yet, although, at the moment, it is exactly .900.

-The Phantoms have a lot of potential that isn't being exploited, which does help them at this point in the season, as the expanded rosters means that a lot of the players they probably should be using are now available for use during games.

Box Score

Don May posted:

PIRATES EFFECTIVELY END WOLVERINES PLAYOFF HOPES, CLINCH STV DIVISION WITH 5-4 WIN

Detroit- When it came right down to it, the Wolverines facing the Pirates was like the world's strongest mouse fighting a Siberian tiger. Sure, it might be one hell of a mouse, the strongest mouse that ever was, but the tiger is still probably going to destroy it.

The Wolverines, throwing everything they had at the Pirates, did manage to hold a 2-0 lead heading into the ninth inning, only to have that lead evaporate in the face of two solo home runs that forced extra innings. And then, with the Pirates scored three more times in the tenth inning, as Jeff Reardon and Tom Henke could not stop walking Pirates' hitters, leading to the oddity of the Pirates scoring two runs in two seperate fielder's choices. The Wolverines tried to make a go of it in the bottom of the inning, and came within a run thanks to a two-run shot from Eddie Mathews, but it was not enough, and the Pirates finished off the 5-4 win.

For the Wolverines, the loss effectively led to the end of any remaining hopes they might have had to somehow sneaking in a wildcard. They had done well earlier in the week to sweep the Losers, and make up three games in the wildcard race, but losing every game in this series to the Pirates has undone all of that work, and since there are now only three weeks left in the season and the Wolverines are a full seven games back of the second wildcard and, even worse, still have three more games with the Pirates, games that, in light of today's defeat, the Wolverines cannot be expected to win, it would take a miracle for the Wolverines to make it back to the playoffs this season, and cbx's teams are not known for miracles befalling them.

For the Pirates, the win meant that, for the seventh straight season, they would be the Sic Transit Vir Division Champions. In addition to to extending their own record for the most consecutive division titles, the Pirates have now tied the W's for the most division titles won in the same division. The Fukuoka Finger-Bangers still hold the overall record for the most number of divisions titles total, with ten division crowns, six in the Sic Transit Vir, and four in the Mark Bellhorn. While it is conceded that, if they stayed the league, the Pirates likely could break that record, few think that, even with as comically unfortunate as the Pirates have been in the post-season, that they'll stay in the league long enough to match Marauder's record.

"I remember the first time I Won my division with the Pirates." Beet said after the game. "It was Super-League X, and the Pirates were a brand-new team. Coming into the season, everyone thought that the Unicorns would repeat as division champions, basically by default, but then they lost the Super-Lottery, and the division was wide-open. That left me and the Colliders. Now, the Colliders, that was a team. Two Babe Ruths! Not a lot else, of course, but two Babe Ruths! We ended the season tied, but I beat them in the tiebreaker, and I got my first banner. And then we got killed in the Finals by the Wanderers, who won the Super-League title that season."

"Super-League XI, it was me and the COlliders again. And that's where it all started to change. See, I made the Pirates a better team, I made them better every year. But the Colliders, they just stagnated. It's like when we beat them in the tiebreaker, they just couldn't deal, and never were the same. It was a shame. But I won the title by six games, and then we got killed in the first round by the Losers, who won the Super-League title that season."

"By Super-League XII, I had complete control of the division. The Colliders were still around, but they weren't a threat anymore. We won 103 games, we won the division by 12 games. No one could touch us, we were unstoppable, just one of the great teams in the Super-League, and we were in our prime. It's funny, back then, Zodiac5000 was a last-place owner with the Marmosets. CFBalla was a last-place owner with the Kernels. But now both of those guys, with teams that have the same name, have moved up into being playoff teams. Anyway, then we got killed in the Finals by the Bangers, who won the Super-League title that season."

"Super-League XIII was a challenge. For whatever reason, we could win at quite the same clip, and only piled up 96 wins. That was still the most in the Super-League, of course, but with the Sub-Par League being a thing, most of the dregs had gotten demoted. I guess that's what held us down. The Premodernists had a good run, and made it within four games of the division title, but I don't think they ever really had a chance. And then we got killed in the Finals by the W's, who won the Super-League title that season."

"Super-League XIV was where we broke things open. 104 wins in the regular season, and the division title by 26 games. 26 games! Nothing could stop us. Hell, nothing did stop us. And then we got killed in the Finals by the W's, who won the Super-League title that season again."

"And that brings us to last season. We win another 104 wins, we win our division by 26 games again, and it was going to be different this time. The Bangers were gone. mrnoun had decided to stop building teams that could win games, the W's were cycling back down, there was no one left to stop me. The team that won the Smasher League, the Rakers, the Pirates would have beaten them. But then CFBalla uses the White Envelope, and kills us, and wins the Super-League title that season."

"And here we are one more time. I have the division title. I have well over 100 wins, I am going to finish the season with the single-season record for wins assuming that I win more than one game in the last three weeks. I have no major injuries, my team is stronger than ever. The time has come for the Pirates to escape this lead. We must win now, we just have to. It's no longer just for us, we need to win because it's what the league needs. There is no good that can come from us being in Super-League XVI. I know what history says. The last six times we won this division title, we lost in the playoffs, and every single time it was to the team that won the Super-League title that season. But everything has its ending, and all of that ends now. The Pirates will win the Super-League title, I guarantee it!"

GAME NOTES

-In fairness, Bill Donovan holding to the Pirates to just two hits over the first innings was one of the more impressive feats that the Super-League has seen in some time. One could argue that Donovan should have been given the chance to finish off the game, but he was due up in the bottom of the eighth, and the Wolverines only had a two-run against the explosive Pirates. It was a tough call, and while it didn't work out, it wasn't necessarily the wrong call to make.

-With expanded rosters, Sergio Romo was back, and picked up right where he left off by almost blowing a save.

-Mickey Cochrane tried to steal a base, and was easily tagged out. And then he tried it again. That also did not work. He is not a fast learner.

-King Kelly, defensive replacement, is a high-risk, moderate-reward substitution. In fairness, given how many blowouts the Pirates are part of, it almost always doesn't make a huge difference one way or the other.

-Since the game was won by the Pirates in extra innings, Paul Derringer will have to wait until his next start for another chance to become the third 20-game winner for the Pirates after Rube Waddell and Christy Mathewson.

Box Score

Don May posted:

ROMNEYS OVERTURN WINNERS LATER, TRUMP ASSUMES CONTROL

New York- One team got nine innings from its starter. One got all of two.

The guy with the complete game lost.

The Winners, almost certainly damned to the Sub-Par League by this point, though that grim fate will not be confirmed until next week, in all likelihood, held the lead over the similarly doomed Romneys for most of the game and yet, in the end, still could not pull out the win, as the Romneys scored four runs in the top of the ninth inning to take a 5-4 win, and heap further pain on the Winners.

There was no Winner press conference after the game, as the contentious relationship between Quaker and GenericGirlName has finally deteriorated to the point where both have refused to even be in the same room as the other, and since each of them assumed the other would be at the press conference, neither appeared. Instead, Snuffy made an appearance, and showed reporters a picture of a puppy that he hopes that GenericGirlName will buy him if he does well in the final weeks of the season. According to reports, he hopes to name the puppy, "Sprinkles".

In more exciting news, the Romney Outsourcing Kings have yet again installed a new general manager to oversee the team in the final weeks of the season, as Donald Trump was named to the post. Hoping to make a good impression on the media, Trump arrived at his first press conference by means of a specially-installed escalator, so as to better reflect his descent from his own exalted realm to that of the commoner.

Donald Trump began his press conference expressing his frustration with the current state of the Romneys. "I've been looking at the numbers, and I cannot believe what has happened to our wins. And you know what happened to our wins? The Pirates took our wins, and the Marmosets took our wins. Those are our wins, and they just took them. And don't believe the win numbers they report, because the real number of wins isn't 51, that's what they want you to hear. It's really something like 30 wins on the season. Our enemies are getting stronger, and we, as a team, are getting weaker. Even our Babe Ruth doesn't work. And boy, does that send signals to Beet and Zodiac5000, and they think to themselves, that is a team that truly has no clue about what they're doing, and we might as well just keep stealing wins from that team."

"I'm a successful person, I don't run from that. I have heard all my life that no successful person can run a Super-League. But that's what we need, and that's why I am the new general manager of this team. I had a team put together a statement of my assets, because the press keeps reporting the wrong number. First, you take all the assets I have, my accounting firm, my real estate holdings, and that's already into the billions, and then you add in the value of my brand, that I built from the ground up. And the brand, that's what's really important to success. So you add in the brand I own, we're talking about in the tens of millions. And I have no liabilities either, I only have $500 million in low-interest long-term debt, and that's not very much when you're as successful as I am. In fact, I have so little debt that one of the big banks said to me, 'Donald, you don't have enough borrowing, can we loan you 4 billion. I don't need it, but in five minutes, I can have it, and you take that $4 billion that that one big bank would loan me, and you multiply that by the number of big banks there are, my net worth is close to $100 billion. I'm not trying to brag, I don't need to brag, I'm doing this to say that that's the sort of thinking this team needs."

"I'm going to tell you a couple of stories about what's been going on here. Scott Brown, he had no clue, he's a bad negotiator. He's the one that did the Babe Ruth trade. We get a Babe Ruth that doesn't work, they get five draft picks that everyone wanted. We get a star player that can't hit, and they get all of the draft picks they wanted. What was he doing?"

"And now let me tell you a story about myself. There's a country called Scotland, and it wasn't doing very well. A lot of drinking problems, people ripping open sheep and eating their organs. It was a mess. So I come in, I want to help this country, because I see some potential there. I buy a golf course, I create jobs, I create the most beautiful golf course in the world, and then I put my name on it, because my name enhances the value of anything it touches. I'm not bragging about that, that's just a fact. I fixed Scotland. And then the country tries to put in some giant turbines right off the coast of the country, they have no idea what they're doing. So I fight them in the court, but they won't listen. And then the wind farms erode the bedrock of Scotland and the entire country falls into the ocean. That's the sort of thing we're talking about when people don't listen to me. I have very good business sense, I have very good understanding of the way the world works, I'm a success, you should listen to me, I know what I'm talking about."

"But now that I'm running this team, things are going to be different. You want to know how things are going to be different under General Manager Trump? I see us dropping games every week, like to the Whalers. So I would call up mks5000, the owner of the Whalers, and I would say, give me 20 wins or else I'll tell Smasher to challenge all of your wins." The next day, mks5000 is going to call me back and ask me to reconsider. But I won't. And then the day after, he's going to call me back and tell me that he's going to give me the wins. That's it. They have no choice. They have no choice no choice.

"Let me tell you what else General Manager Trump is going to do for this team. I keep hearing that this team is heading to the Sub-Par League, and there's nothing that can be done. So here's what I would do. I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I�ll build them very inexpensively, I will build a great, great wall between us and the Sub-Par League. So that there's no way for those Sub-Par teams to sneak in here. And then I will have the Sub-Par League pay for that wall."

"And I've already started to make changes. Before the game, I go into the locker room and see all of those starting pitchers. They're losers, they don't have it in them to win ball games. So I fire them all on the spot. Go up to each of them and fire them. And then I go up the Paul Assenmacher, I tell him that he's the new starting pitcher. Assenmacher starts, we win the game. Leadership is about taking action. That's why I am going to bring the Outsourcers back bigger and better than ever before. And gold plating. People love gold, it's the color of success. Thank you, and God Bless America."

GAME NOTES

-Snuffy made an error. Now GenericGirlName will never get him a puppy!

-Also, many of you wanted another Snuffy diary entry. But have you been good enough to deserve such an diary entry? Have you? Be honest.

-Fun fact: Trump's campaign song is "Rockin' in the Free World" by Neil Young, who almost immediately protested, in that Neil Young is a committed leftist. Such a leftist, in fact, that he's a Canadian citizen. The Trump campaign retorted by saying that they had purchased an ASCAP license, and so can do whatever they want with Neil Young's song. Proving once again that good intentions are no proof against concentrations of capital.

-Reyes isn't a great hitter, but at least he's not a disaster at 2B like Dahlen was. Neither is probably a long-term solution at the position.

Box Score

Don May posted:

CROWS CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH 6-5 WIN OVER DOOM

Kobe- Kobe Clutch, Baby!

The Crows were supposed to finish in last place this season, since, in the same division with the same teams as last season, the Crows finished last, and, despite acquiring Josh Gibson, no one really thought that the Crows were going anywhere except down, and hard.

And they still might. After all, they still only have a 2.5 game lead over the W's and there are three games left in the regular season. The Crows could easily blow this and end up down in Sub-Par League, a fate they have avoided seveal times over the course of their existence.

But, for today at least, hope survived in Kobe as the Crows managed to eke out a 6-5 win the help of two ninth-inning doubles that saw them score the game-winning run over the powerful, and inevitable Mark Bellhorn Division Champion, Khartoum Doom.

"It's me, it's me it's the Hulka-M-A-Double-T, and before I begin, I just want to say that when the Mooglies get drummed out of the Sub-Par League, he can still come up here and be my hypeman. All is forgiven. I get that the Goog had to go out on his own and try his own thing, but now that we know that his poo poo don't work, I'm ready to take him back. He learned his lesson, and the Mattiest of Matts doesn't hold grudges. I'm better than that, yo."

"Thing number two, the big, big PSP tournament to crown the best wrestler in the universe is going on, so y'all better head on other to my forum and vote. I know that some people think that just because all four previous occasions that we held this tournament, something horrible happened to the winner doesn't mean that it's going to happen again. This poo poo isn't cursed, yo, it was just a coincidence! So vote, and don't vote for a wrestler you want to be cursed, because that poo poo is not cool!"

"Now, let's get back to the story of the hour, and how the Crows are still in third place, and are gonna stay in third place. For a long time, people thought that the Crows were gonna die, and die badly. And that's nothing new for me. My first childhood memory is my mother telling me that I was never going to be any good at anything, not even Pokemon. But I busted my rear end, I collected the badges, and I became a pokemon master. And my father told me that I Would never, ever, ever get to be a mod of a wrestling forum. But I showed him too, and now I can probate any single person who does not beleeeeeeeeeeeee dat!"

"And so I came to the Super-League, and I had a few rough years, but nothing lasts forever, you hear. The Crows are not going to keep sucking forever. The Crows are not going to be in last place forever. And the W's? The W's are not going to be in the Super-League forever, because when this season is over, there's going to be one team that gets sent down to the Sub-Par League team form the Norris-Smythe Division, and it's gonna by the W's."

"Which brings me to my last point. You might be wondering if I should be standing right here, when Slug Lyfe is surely going to show up pretty soon and wreck me, because I just beat them with a walk-off walk, and they put people like that through tables. So, what am I doing here? Well, it's kind of like what Slavoj Zizek says about the ideological cynicism. You see, in this modern age, people are bamboozled by ideologies any more, no, they get that ideology can gently caress them over, but they still go through the motions demanded by that ideology anyway, even though they know..." HulkaMatt trailed off as he saw Slug Lyfe surround him.

"You know, HulkaMatt, I like you." Babe Ruth said, "So I'll give you a choice: Chairs or tables?"

"Yo dawg, it doesn't need to be this way." HulkaMatt said, "Man does not need to be defined by his past actions. I know I was talking about determinism re: Spinoza, but just because I explained his views on how free will is an illusion does not mean that I believe it to be so. You have free will, Babe Ruth, you have the freedom to not brutalize me, all you got to do is choose not to. Overcome that man you are, and become something new! We are more than the sum of our experiences!"

"That's beautiful, man." Mickey Mantle said, thumping a chair on the floor ominously, "Hey, the Masked Shortstop isn't going to swoop in and save you this time, right?"

"I don't think so." HulkaMatt admitted.

"Good, then I'm going to exercise my free will to beat your rear end!" Ruth said.

And that's when things took a tragic turn for young HulkaMatt.

GAME NOTES

-I would like to take this moment to officially refute the charges that HulkaMatt has brought against me. He accused me, in my own thread, of cursing his PSP wrestling tournament so that there would be ties, which apparently are bad for him. Now, first of all, we're talking about a wrestling forum in an age where WWE holds a commanding market share, so you can't tell me that the people participating in his tournament aren't used to inconclusive and disappointing finishes. Beyond that, though, I want to be clear on something, I don't want to curse Matt's tournament. Far from it, I am counting on the curses already extant in that tournament to get me what I want.

-Now, some of you may wonder what it is that I want, and let me explain. I want Roman Reigns to win this tournament, and be cursed as a result. I want his career to stop right where it is. And that might seem mean to Roman, who is doing his best, but it's what needs to happen. First of all, I'm not going to pretend that Roman Reigns is a lovely wrestler, or a lovely talker. He's basically above-average in most of the components of pro wrestling. The issue is that he's boring as poo poo. That's really the problem I have with him. He talks, and it's boring. He wrestles, it's boring. I look at him, and I see him giving the same promos and having the same matches for the next ten years, and it's crushing to me, because in those ten years, he's going to be the guy around whom the entire show revolves. But if he doesn't pan out, if his career doesn't take that next step, if he doesn't become the next guy, then WWE is going to have to do something interesting. And that's all I really want. I want WWE, the wrestling company with the most resources in the world, to have to use all of those resources to put on the best show they can. If they can't have one transcendent super-star to prop up business, it will spur them into something. I don't what that is, but I'm sure it's better than ten years of Roman Reigns doing an increasingly lazy-looking spear on Big Show (since Big Show will wrestler forever).

-And for that reason, while I myself don't intend to curse HulkaMatt's tournament, I nonetheless do have curse-related interests when it comes to said tournament.

-In lighter news, there are now only three updates and 12 games of the week left. That's only one more week of suffering before the regular season is finally over, and I can rest.

Box Score

Team Statistics

Analysis

Your team is probably going to die.

Analysis

IT'S HAPPENING!

Analysis

This team certainly can win a wildcard.

Analysis

If the Southpaws canhold on through this next week, they can probably win their division.

Analysis

Pirates have ruined your dreams. Oh, well, there's next season.

Analysis

I have made my thoughts on your lineup known.

Analysis

Another team that should think things over in the offseason.

Analysis

The division should be yours, steady as she goes.

Analysis

Technically, this team could still win a wildcard. But it will need to sweep the Losers next week if that's going to happen.

Analysis

Will the Doom clinch this week? Or next week? FEEL THE TENSION!

Analysis

If you can survive next week, the Crows will be very close to not finishing last.

Analysis

Everyone has down seasons now and then.

Analysis

Please hold on.

Please.

Analysis

No news to report.

Analysis

Please kills the Coldplayers.

Analysis

I can't believe you won't let Snuffy have a puppy.

Analysis

The Bombers still have a chance of winning the division. And, given how their schedule shakes out, will probably decide who finishes in last place in the Mark Bellhorn division as well.

Analysis

Seven games left against the Whalers means that the Losers still have a bit of work to do.

Analysis

Sad.

Analysis

Your pitching probably won't be as bad in the Sub-Par League.

Analysis

Kind of ridiculous at this point.

Analysis

Are you really going to let HulkaMatt get out of this season without his heart being broken?

Analysis

This is a legit good team with solid offense and pitching that is on a collision course with the Pirates. But they probably have, between their talent and the fact that it will be a short series, the best chance of beating the Pirates.

Analysis

The way the schedule shakes out, the Rakers should be able to ride the five game lead to the end. Also, by Frank Tanana, what you really meant was "Lefty Grove". Probably.

Standings

# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:16

Robert Deadford: Mar 1, 2008; Ultra Carp

The Dragons offense has failed horribly this season. I'm happy with the starting pitching, and parts of the bullpen are satisfactory, but we just can't score enough runs.

Smasher League 4th best OOBA, 3rd best OSP, but we just can't score runs.

New Hoss will get 300Ks and win 20 games, but...

Some changes for the coming week, then.

1. Replace Manush with Cobb in the line-up.
2. Cobb plays CF, Goslin LF, Aaron DH.

Robert Deadford fucked around with this message at 22:38 on Jun 19, 2015

# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:34

Pungry: Feb 26, 2011; JUST PICK ONE. ANY ONE.

I don't care anymore. Put in Cabrera as 3B, Larkin back to SS, Speaker in CF. I give up. Put us in the Sub-par League regardless of where we finish. I'm sick of being hated for a team name.

# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:51

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Resting guys time.

vs. RHP only
1. CF Billy Hamilton
2. LF Ted Williams
3. 1B Jason Giambi
4. RF Babe Ruth
5. DH Mickey Mantle
6. SS Barry Larkin
7. C Wally Schang
8. 2B Joe Morgan
9. 3B George Kell

Pitching
Southpaws series coming up, and I would still like to destroy them.
Swap Carlton with Reuschel, and not that it will make any difference, but put Fergie on the 40-man roster instead of Ryan.

# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:54

Pash: Sep 10, 2009; The First of the Adorable Dead

THIRD PLACE! IF ONLY I HAD PUT RANDY JOHNSON IN EARLIER!!!!!!!

Call up Nen, he takes Rollies spot in the bullpen, who promptly gets his 1-7 rear end back in the minors.

# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:56

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Pungry posted:

I don't care anymore. Put in Cabrera as 3B, Larkin back to SS, Speaker in CF. I give up. Put us in the Sub-par League regardless of where we finish. I'm sick of being hated for a team name.

Having haters means you're doing something right.

# ? Jun 19, 2015 23:02

GenericGirlName: Apr 10, 2012; Why did you post that?

Snuffy is allergic to dogs probably. Why would i buy him a puppy? Anyway, quaker spent the puppy money on a t-shirt gun.

# ? Jun 19, 2015 23:07

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

Pungry posted:

I don't care anymore. Put in Cabrera as 3B, Larkin back to SS, Speaker in CF. I give up. Put us in the Sub-par League regardless of where we finish. I'm sick of being hated for a team name.

no don't

# ? Jun 19, 2015 23:58

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

Alright, I cannot have the fifth starter going any more, not if I want to win the division.

Move to a four man rotation, make Wynn the mop up guy, and make sure next starter is set to Walter Johnson. Also, release Mike Stanton. Mogul seems to love throwing him in games despite the fact he just can't pitch. I'll add him back to my roster next season, but for now I can't have him in games.

Also, have some new lineups.

Vs. RHP:

code:

2B - Collins
DH - McGraw
1B - Carew
3B - Santo
RF - Ramirez
C  - Berra
CF - Hamilton
LF - Bell
SS - Vaughan

Vs. LHP:

code:

2B - Collins
CF - Hamilton
3B - Santo
DH - Ramirez
C  - Berra
1B - Torre
SS - Vaughan
LF - Bell
RF - Davis

# ? Jun 20, 2015 00:08

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Wait, you can just release players? Paco Rodriguez tortured my bullpen throughout September the one year I actually won. No matter how deep I tried to bury him he would always come back.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 01:16

mentholmoose: Nov 5, 2009; YKNOW THERES ONLY ONE DIRECTION I KNOW AND THATS DRIVIN STRAIGHT TO THE NET

FairGame posted:

Wait, you can just release players? Paco Rodriguez tortured my bullpen throughout September the one year I actually won. No matter how deep I tried to bury him he would always come back.

I hope you can, because Stanton is going to cause me to lose games, and Kaat seems to have figured out how to pitch in his stead.

My rotation may be awful but I can at least hope to get a good performance out of my bullpen, and Stanton is going to mess that up.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 03:37

ToiletofSadness: Mar 27, 2010

More lineup shuffling to manage fatigue for the stretch run:

vs LHP
SS Appling
CF Charleston
LF Bonds
RF Robinson
1B Kaline
2B Kent
C Torre/Campanella
3B Frisch
P Pitcher

# ? Jun 20, 2015 14:48

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

Scared of soreness in the last weeks -

Trammell needs a rest. Swap him & Nomar Garciaparra against lefties.

I have no idea what to do with Mickey & Willie, though. gently caress. Just gonna let them play.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 16:44

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

EC XVII Update: September
Oopsie!

There's almost no suspense left, the leaders having utterly solidified their dominance over their respective leagues with only a short month of games left to play. What's interesting is how the leagues have a clear winner and then a lot of flux. Then there's the poor Unspecs. Oh well.

Special apologies to CVE, but in my defense I'm kind of stupid.

Analysis
A good month, but the Stoned Lightning had a better one.

Analysis
Your pitching might do better in the Subpar, and you're pretty much assured the first overall pick, but you had an unfathomably bad month.

Analysis
In a team with Babe and Teddy Ballgame, your MVP is...John McGraw! (not really but those numbers are pretty gaudy)

Analysis
On the one hand your pitching is pretty good and you can draft to cover the rough spots, but on the other hand you have multiple needs in your line up.

Analysis
Your pitching failed to show up, there's all there is to it.

Analysis
You still around?

Analysis
The '95 Indians isn't this terrible team to use, as you've demonstrated. But it exposed the weakness of the SPs on that feeder.

Analysis
At this point in the season we should put together a show comprised of clips from prior episodes and call it good.

Analysis
Smasher is gonna kill me good. But not as bad as he'll kill you in the Super League, I'm afraid.

Analysis
So Tris Speaker melted into goo and your bullpen is a horrorshow. These are problems not easily fixed.

Analysis
Slim Sallee is "Wonder AAA Player" hailing from Chillicothe or something.

Analysis
People say that COF are easy to replace, but when your competition are sticking Ruths and Otts and Williams there, even greats like Gwynn tend to pale in comparison. Then you start George Bell. Also, Yu Darvish, the people's choice.

Analysis
Robin Roberts has always been a little shaky in the SL, and if he's your ace you're gonna have problems.

Analysis
First, sorry. Second, your defense is still not good. Ironically Olerud is seventh in both leagues for RF at 2B. Don't look at me like that.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 17:09

CVE: Jan 27, 2012

Would never blame you could have said things earlier as well. So the way I see it I need to pick up decent infield defense at 2B/3B/SS/C, putting McGraw as a DH to get rid of his glove, get at least a better 5th starter. The Question is where do I start... probably defense though.

At the moment I would pick 5th or 6th unless people start throwing now for better picks. Wish I could leverage that pick in the same way the 1st pick was leveraged last time although there is a huge difference between a first draft pick and the following once.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 17:23

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Kouerson!

You have two players on your feeders that I would love to try out, either next season or in The Gauntlet should I fail to hold my lead.

Please start thinking about what you might want on your team.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 18:05

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

Also, while we're asking Kouerson for feeder players.

You have a Rance Mulliniks and I have a bunch of guys in my minor leagues that I might not use. Would, say, Whitey Ford work?

# ? Jun 20, 2015 18:07

Grinnblade: Sep 24, 2007

how the gently caress am I still .500

no, seriously, how

# ? Jun 20, 2015 18:31

ForeverBWFC: Oct 19, 2011; Oh, the lads! You should've seen 'em running!
Ask 'em why and they reply the Bolton Boys are coming! All the lads and lasses, smiles upon their faces,

WALKING DOWN THE MANNY ROAD, TO SEE THE BURNDEN ACES!

Ruth to the bench, Delahanty to DH.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 19:09

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

The Khartoum Doom have clinched the Mark Bellhorn Division!

The South Dakota Marmosets have become the first Triad team to reach the playoffs!

Super-League XVI, Week 24 Injury Report

Dorchester Phantoms
Tony Perez (IF) (ENOUGH!) - Out for Season

Florida Oranges
Nolan Ryan (SP) (Drawing Down) - 10 days

New World Symphony
Joe Sewell (SS) (Someone look up the rules for awarding the Super-League batting title!) - 31 days
Ken Williams (OF) (TRAGIC!) - 13 days

South Dakota Marmosets
Jim Brewer (RP) (Came within six feet of Chelsea Baker) - 14 days

Pick 'em: Face Yer Fears!

Cruiserweight Championship
Khartoum Doom @ Chicago Southpaws (c)

NO MAN CAN STOP THE PIRATES! NO TEAM CAN STOP THE PIRATES! Will the Pirates lose ANY games this week? (vs. Oranges, @ Losers)
Yes or No?

:siren:

Almost Done! :siren:

Legion of Super-Heroes (v4) #22

The Quiet Darkness II: Quieter and Darker!

Aria, Lori and Furball are walking around Zuun, and Aria talks about how she's always had a connection to Coda, her twin brother, but she can't feel him anymore. They decide to stop and rest for a while.

Lobo finds the scene from last issue where Furball massacred the thugs and makes fun of them before moving on.

Ultra Boy, Celeste and Kent Shakespeare have managed to get a ship and are flying to Zuun. Celeste wants to know why Brainiac 5 took Furball to Zuun, and Ultra Boy says that he's got a hunch, but refuses to say what it is. Suddenly, their engines fail, and they're only able to move under impulse power, which means it will take them four days to get to Zuun.

Darkseid is watching them, and muses how man is far too cynical and short-lived a creature and that the universe needs something better. Also, that the time of gods is past. You know, generally speaking, Darkseid is portrayed as a conqueror of worlds whose very existence poses an existential threat to all life. But, hey, portraying him like an emo teenager is a choice too. He talks a bit with his chief researcher, who is concerned that Lobo will kill Aria. Darkseid says that they need Lobo, because Coda has disconnected himself from Aria, meaning they can't use him to find her. The chief researcher laments being involved in the creation of the "Gemini Matrix".

Beware the might of Darkseid's brooding!

Lobo finds some thugs, and asks if they've seen Brainiac 5. They haven't. So he kills them.

Team Ultra Boy finally arrives at Zuun! And then life support on their ship fails! And evil warships approach. Bummer. Bummer to the max.

Coda and Aria share a dream where he explains that in order to stop Darkseid's scheme, he needs to die, so he's using some unspecified method to kill himself by willpower alone, but wanted to let Aria know before he died.

Aria wakes up just in time for another team of thugs to find them. Furball grabs the girls and tries to run away, but he's not faster than laser blasts, and so manages to get shot a bunch of times and he tries to protect them. He does eventually get away, though, and manages to find Brainiac 5, who has been keeping a low profile.

Lobo runs into the latest band of unsuccessful thugs. One of them mouths off to him, so Lobo kills another thug.

Aria says she's a big fan of Brainiac 5, and he, in return, asks her what the gently caress is going on with them and this story in general. He asks if she and Lori are runaways, and Aria is evasive. He asks where Aria's home is, and she says it's far away and she doesn't want to go back there. Aria eventually reveals who her father is, and it turns out that he's a famous scientist that Brainiac 5 has actually heard of. And Brainiac also knows that he was working on some stupid thing called the Gemini Matrix. Aria then reveals that her favorite Legionnaire is Timber Wolf, who Furball just happens to be. Aria asks what happened to turn him into Furball, and Brainiac gives a non-answer. Aria says that in fairy tales, a kiss from a princess turns a monster back to his true form. It does not work here.

And then Lobo shows up. To be continued!

Talus! Cham and Cosmic Boy discuss that the team is scattered and no one is reporting in. Cosmic Boy says that Cham shouldn't get all too worried about structures and leadership and all that, because that's what dragged the old Legion down, man!

See, what makes this new Legion suck isn't the uniforms or rules, it's that it's full of lovely people, man!

Kono sneaks into Mysa's room and discovers that Mysa's sister, Dream Girl, has left tons of messages asking to talk to her.

Earth! The new Dominator administration feels pleased with the progress of Project Champion, but notes that all will be lost unless they retrieve Batch SW6 soon.

Deep space! Lar Gand blows up another Dark Circle base, and finds some of their files were only partially deleted. He learns that, at some point, about 18 years before this story, some evil forces managed to make an entire set of clone Legionnaires as part of a plan to replace the real Legionnaires with substitutes that would secretly being working for the nebulous force. Lar Gand is forced to consider the possibility that the evil forces succeeded and that the Legion is really clones and has been for 18 years.¹⁸

Text pieces! Shadow Lass notes in her diary how Lar Gand seemed to be shaken up after learning about the possible clone thing. And text pieces on some nerd supporting characters that haven't appeared yet. Because this comic needs more characters!

Notes and Technicalities

¹⁸You might recognize this basic set-up, 'What if the hero was really a clone of himself created by some villain' as the same story used for the infamous Spider-man Clone Saga. This comic came first by a few years, though.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 19:23

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Bringing up the possibility of clones never seems to be a sign of things turning out well.

Pick 'Em: Southpaws retain, Pirates lose at least one game.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 19:31

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

At least Lobo is around.

Pick 'em: Face Yer Fears!

Cruiserweight Championship
Khartoum Doom @ Chicago Southpaws (c)

NO MAN CAN STOP THE PIRATES! NO TEAM CAN STOP THE PIRATES! Will the Pirates lose ANY games this week? (vs. Oranges, @ Losers)
No

# ? Jun 20, 2015 19:56

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

Pick 'em: Face Yer Fears!

Cruiserweight Championship
Chicago Southpaws (c)

NO MAN CAN STOP THE PIRATES! NO TEAM CAN STOP THE PIRATES! Will the Pirates lose ANY games this week? (vs. Oranges, @ Losers)
No

# ? Jun 20, 2015 20:12

Revenant Threshold: Jan 1, 2008

ToiletofSadness posted:

More lineup shuffling to manage fatigue for the stretch run:

You might expect me as your big rival this season to also make such moves, but knightly honour forbids a player to quit the field out of mere weariness once battle has been joined.

However I wish you luck against the Pirates.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 20:34

Mooseontheloose: May 13, 2003

Ice To Meet You posted:

Salem Witches
Eddie Mathews (3B) (Oh no! Someone reversed the curse!) - 21 days

Bonilla at 3rd until Mathews is back I guess.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 20:48

CVE: Jan 27, 2012

Pick'em

Southpaws retain and Pirates lose at least one game.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 21:06

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

I will post a pick em scoring update tomorrow after Smasher posts.

HulkaMatt, can you point me in the direction of preseason pick em? With pretty much every race but one wildcard looking likely, we might be able to figure out a winner already,

# ? Jun 20, 2015 23:10

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Sub-Par League IV, Week 23: Hurry Up And Clinch Already

Games of the Weak

Frank Gaiman posted:

SUBPAR ALLERGY TO SUCCESS CONTINUES AS DINOS DOWN ALEWORKERS

Hill City - In a couple weeks, the season's going to be over. And someone is going to win the division and promote in all 4 divisions. But other than the Jobbers (who need to hold off a Witches charge, but at least that's a function of both teams winning their way down the stretch), the Space Fish, Aleworkers, and Mounties all seem somewhat apathetic about the promise of 2 more guaranteed seasons of life and avoiding The Gauntlet.

Take today's game, in which the Aleworkers had a chance to step on the throats of the Dinos behind one of their pair of Petes Alexander.

But Old Pete is a groundball machine, and groundball machines tend not to work very well when your infield features Harmon Killebrew and George Grantham, and your catcher decides to throw a couple balls away while he's at it.

With a 1-0 lead in the first, Alexander was victimized by two errors--first by Grantham, then by catcher Fred Luderus. Truth be told, with 2 double play balls being booted, Alexander was lucky to escape the inning 1-1.

Yet Don Sutton, the Dinos' counter to Alexander, wasn't exactly setting the world on fire either. He was victimized by a two out single by Ty Cobb, putting Old Pete back ahead. Yet a lead is only as safe as your ground ball defense, and so it wasn't safe at all.

The second inning: a walk to Edd Roush. A double play grounder by Bubbles the Catcher that Grantham inexplicably went to 1st base with. An error by Luderus putting runners at the corners. A passed ball by Luderus that tied the game. A flyout by YEAH JEETS. A throwing error by Killebrew. By the time the bumbling was over, it was 3-2.

Which might not have been that big a deal had Manny Ramirez not popped up with the bases loaded and one out the following inning. It was the Aleworkers' best chance to break the game open, and Manny failed them. Again.

Technically, there was another chance to get back into it in the 5th inning, when the Aleworkers loaded the bases with Alexander's slot in the order coming up...but Alexander batted for himself and promptly stranded all his potential runs.

The wheels came off completely in the bottom of the inning as Luderus allowed another passed ball and Grantham threw another ball away. It was 8-2, and the Aleworkers were as drunk as their mascot.

All in all, a very ugly game, and despite the Dinos still being below .500, they have to be seen as a credible threat to take the division: after all, they've won before, and in a league where winning is anathema, you probably have to side with the team that at least has been there before.

Which is precisely what Forzelt was counting on. Coming into the conference room with an amazing tan and sipping something lovely out of a coconut, he scratched his head. "Look, you all said I was crazy when I started Buddy Myer. So today I didn't start Buddy Myer even though he's been fantastic. And we still won, because I calculated our run expectancy before the season and I knew we could get it done. That's what happens when you're a winner and you're good at math. You get to escape from the frozen hellhole that is Sodak and go to beautiful Hawaii."

An ominous shout was heard in the distance, as this heresy against The Great Sodak probably awoke a Thresher God or something. But Forzelt shrugged. "Thresher Gods can't cross oceans. I think. But just in case, I'm gonna get out of here."

Which left the conference room full of the various management types of the Aleworkers. Yet this reporter knows nothing about beer and instead drinks cider, so I imagine it went something like this:

Angry Orchard: I taste like delicious apple juice that gives you a buzz! And we should probably stop kicking the ball around!
Cidre: I am the worst product that Stella makes, and that's saying something! Let's put Fred Luderus to death!
Redd's: You will never see me in grocery stores, but you will see me NONSTOP when you watch Bar Rescue all day on Sunday. And I concur: death to Luderus!

GAME NOTES

- As you may have noticed, Gabby Hartnett was out with a mild injury, forcing the Loveland boys to go to their backup catcher, who is... uh...

- FRED LUDERUS IS NOT ONLY FROM THE TURN OF THE CENTURY, BUT HE ALSO NEVER PLAYED AN INNING AT CATCHER. IF YOU WANT YOUR ROTATION OF DEADBALLERS TO GET YOU TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP, FIX THIS IMMEDIATELY!

Box Score

The Pan Man posted:

SPACE FISH HOLD DIVISION LEAD WITH STATEMENT GAME AGAINST STUMBLING MOUNTIES

Cosmos - It's odd to call 4-2 week entering the Sunday game to be a poor week for most teams, even if a loss in the 7th game brought their weekly record to 4-3. But the Mounties' standard of excellence displayed throughout SubPar IV put them in that caliber of elite teams. The Space Fish, also entering the game 4-2, had a motivation beyond pride to win this game in the form of teams close on their heels from Apeture and Yellowstone. In fact, the entire Punjabi Prison seemed to radiate competence of late, creating the air of an exciting race to replace the offputting stench of failure that had permeated throughout its denizens all season to this point.

FairGame managed the unlikely, and channeled his sense of desperation into the bats of his team. Juan Marichal had not had a good season for the Mounties, and the extra oomph FairGame convinced his hitters to put into their swings was likely not mandatory. But it helped. The Space Fish hitters jumped on Marichal for two runs in the first via four singles, then scored a run thanks to two errors in the second, then added another pair of runs with solo homers in the third and sixth, and finally ended Marichal's run of uninspiring pitching with three singles in the seventh to run the score to 6-1.

Through that seventh inning, Bob Gibson had pitched better than hoped for FairGame. As bad as Marichal had been for the Mounties this season, Gibson had been worse for the Space Fish. 3-10 with an ERA near 7, Gibson was only pitching due to the injury to Clemens. Fearing the worst from Gibson, FairGame was stunned to hold a 5 run lead into the seventh, and felt for the first time in a while a surge of confidence that maybe he could hold onto his divisional lead despite losing Clemens for a couple weeks.

Before FairGame could get too comfortable, the lead had dwindled to three thanks to some good hitting by Ernie Banks, Ty Cobb, and Harry Heilmann. The Mounties offense was never one to sleep on, and a 5 run lead was worryingly small with a half dozen outs to go. Fortunately, the turn of the calender had accidentally unleashed a powerful weapon against Dannomack: his insanely deep bench.

Most people would see Dannomack's love for the oddball characters a quirk at worst, and at best a potential source of depth during the season. However, when September hits and all players are eligible to go into any game, too many options can lead to oddities like today's game, when Julio Machado and Wayne Granger decided to enter the game.

Who, you may ask?

That is a good question! They are a couple guys who had brief careers, and while their performance could be considered at league average or better, they are not the type of players to tempt so near to the playing field in the Super League. They might actually enter the field of play after all!

Anyway, Julio Machado came in, much to his own surprise, and yielded a bounty of singles that brought in 7 runs before Granger got the final out of the inning. It was, perhaps, a lesson in the perils of wanting too many Plan U's, V's, and W's in a league where Plan B may not be enough.

Joba Chamberlain did his thing in the ninth where he got some outs after giving up some runs, but it was too late to matter for the Mounties. The Space Fish's win capped a 5-2 week that let them keep a 3 game lead over the Scientists. CraigK and JR Leap have to be concerned that after a season of mediocrity, winning 4 or 5 games a week didn't bring them any closer to FairGame's squad.

You just can't predict anything when it comes to baseball, it seems. Except don't pitch guys like Julio Machado in games you actually intend to win.

GAME NOTES

- Bob Gibson is BACK! With a vengeance!

- Only 5 strikeouts on the day? Huh. There's really no good explanation for so few. Weird!

- 30 hits and 3 errors on the day. To hell with pitching and defense!

Box Score

Old McDonald posted:

MURPHS PUT CAP ON DECENT ENOUGH WEEK WITH EXTRA INNINGS WIN... BUT WHY?

South Boston - Technically, the Dragonflies are still in the race for the Feast or Fired division. Yes. I've mentioned before that I like the word "technically". You know what another word that I like is? "Despair". I even named my team that! Defined by Merriam-Webster as "utter loss of hope", I love it because it's such an emotive word - there's a lot of potential for drama. And for somebody who loves despair, the Sub-Par League is practically a nirvana. There's just so many flavors and varieties of despair, it's great! We have Armitage, who is convinced that his team will blow a nine game lead, despite the closest competitor trading away practically a third of his offense for two underwhelming players that are killing his offense. Having fun with Santo and Morgan yet, JosefStalinator? We have CraigK, who knows that his team despises him and will take any opportunity to punish him, making it clear that there's no chance he could win the division. We have me, throwing caution to the wind and making stupid move after stupid move in my pursuit of the hated Mounties and just one more season of survival, despite knowing in my heart that there's no way I can catch them and will die in the Gauntlet. We have The Big Tebowski, whose first attempt at a team, starting with great optimism and a surprisingly good start, has been completely and utterly dismantled by injuries and general underperforming. I'm sure that we have even more that I'm just forgetting.

And then we have Forzelt and GVOLTT, who are both rather similar. Both their teams started out surprisingly strong, then proceeded to get the everloving poo poo beat out of them in Super-League XIV, only surviving thanks to the Syndicate disbanding, then getting the poo poo beat out of them again and getting sent to the Sub-Par League. Now they're both stuck down here and staring death in the face, but both still have a shot at the division title. Technically. The Dinos faltered over the last couple weeks, throwing away a strong position, while the Dragonflies had a surprising surge, screaming into second place with aspirations to the top. All they needed was some consistency - just to keep going strong. And while Forzelt had already fallen into despair at his team's inability to perform when they needed to the most (and his atrocious catcher situation where Mike Piazza turned out to be a complete dud), it was now the Dragonflies' turn to show them how it's done.

They did so by going 2-5 on the week. While they did meet the ironically dominant Jobbers, they also went up against the weak Murphs in a four-game series. Just the kind of series you need to pick up some much-needed wins. And then they poo poo the bed. It's enough to just make you want to kill your team right on the spot. So let's look at a particularly pathetic outing to just drive home just how undeserving of the division crown the Dragonflies proved themselves this week. It's the last game of the series, and the Murphs are sending out 35 year old Eddie Plank, a pitcher that has consistently proven himself to be Not Good. So, what do the Dragonflies do when faced with this supremely sub-par opposition? They proceed to go down in order for six loving innings in a row. Six god drat loving innings. I mean, seriously, SOMEBODY get a hit, a walk, a loving hit by pitch, ANYTHING! When a "rally" came in the seventh and eighth inning to the tune of one whole loving run each, it was actually enough to take over the lead, since the Murphs' offense was somehow even less impotent, though a Jimmie Foxx home run tied it in the bottom of the eighth and the game eventually went to extra innings, where a Tulowitzki error caused Foxx to reach first, reach second on a groundout by Cronin, and then reach home on a Bonds single for the walk-off for the Murphs.

Error, groundout, single. Even that game-winning series of events sounds like crap. I don't even really want to talk about it anymore. The Dragonflies are proving themselves to not be worthy of survival, and they'll join other teams like the Dinos, who had proven themselves incapable a few weeks back, and the Despair, who had proven themselves incapable the moment the season started by virtue of Not Being Mounties, in the pits of hell that is relegation, while more deserving teams get to go to the Super-League or are given a second shot in the Sub-Par League. But while we're on the topic of teams that have proven themselves incapable, I would like to go back to the topic of the Murphs, or teams like the Murphs. When I say "teams like the Murphs", I mean "beat to poo poo, completely out of the running, dead in the water". You know, like the Wizards, my team that got beat over the head two straight seasons in the Super-League! Or the Winners and the Romneys right now in the Super-League. Teams so dead, they essentially become avatars of despair, given that they've pretty much entirely ran out of any sort of positive situation to hope for beyond "well, at least my team will be better than the Fourside Spooks, a team that got so utterly murdered by underperforming it should have been criminal".

There's something I've been noticing with these teams - they gently caress things up. And I don't mean for themselves, because that wouldn't be noteworthy, but for other teams. The entire season, the team gets poo poo on, and then, suddenly, there's a burst of activity, like the last bit of electricity leaving a corpse, and some other team trying to make something happen gets caught by it, stumbles and falls, to no profit of the dead team walking. With the Murphs now dealing decisive damage in a four-game-series to both the Dinos and the Dragonflies, it makes one wonder, why do things like this happen? Some would say it's just probability at work - some teams surge, some teams flounder. It's only natural that it just happens that a surging team that has done badly would collide with a floundering team that has done well, which creates the situation we've seen. But the Murphs aren't surging. They're still sitting pretty comfortably around that .400 mark. So what is it then that makes the Murphs soar against teams like the Dinos and the Dragonflies, who are trying to secure a lead in the Feast or Fired division while the Aleworkers try desperately to drunkenly stumble over the finishing line?

It's actually fairly simple, I think. It's because misery loves company. But it's not the Murphs' misery that seeks company here, no, not quite. It's somebody else's misery. As would be obvious, the misery that permeates every level of the Super-League is the misery of Smasher Dynamo himself. The misery that can only be expressed as a hell of endless three-way ties where after every game, each owner completely overhauls their lineups and rotations, and whatever you've written that isn't stats or results remains forever unread. And that misery spreads out through the Super-League, and I believe it's only because the misery is so wide-spread that the whole thing hasn't yet imploded. Be it Beet's misery over being unable to win the big one despite fielding the greatest squad the Super-League has ever seen, be it mentholmoose's misery over being stuck in a division with two gimmick teams that gently caress around with everything, be it GenericGirlName's misery over never being able to show the world the glory of the METSSSSS, be it Pungry's misery over being a constant target for Smasher's anger, the list goes on.

It's just one never-ending circle of misery and despair, and that's why teams like the Murphs, who are already deep-seated in their misery, deal out some of it to other teams that might have had a chance at some joy had not something gone horribly wrong. So, remember, kids: When your team gets ravaged by injuries, or gets swept by a bottom-feeder in the midst of a division race, or it just gets pulverized by superior teams, or randomly underperforms in the Gauntlet, leading to its death, you're just contributing to the circle of despair that keeps everything going here. You're a valuable part of what keeps the Super-League alive and keeps us all in misery, and you should feel good about that.

...wait, why should you feel good about that again?

GAME NOTES

- Why is Bonds not playing CF for the Murphs in the no-DH lineup? He was only 26 in '91, I'm sure he can still play CF semi-adequately, and dude's loving batting a .400+ OBP. Sure, small sample size, but still, you've got to ride that to the end! Dom DiMaggio isn't going to be bringing in the runs. Come on, do it, that despair isn't going to spread itself if you're not willing to put it all on the offense!

- Tim Wakefield threw a scoreless inning in relief! I'll drink to that!

- I have the sneaking suspicion your Bonds isn't doing too well, GVOLTT. He's drawing walks pretty good, sure, but he's still hitting terribly. Though he's hitting home runs at a better clip than my Barryoung ever did, so hush my mouth, I guess.

- Public service announcement: If you're not reading the Super-League updates because you're in the Sub-Par League, please stop that and start reading them. They're much better than what I'm writing up here, trust me. You might actually enjoy yourself reading those.

Box Score

Team Statistics

Analysis

Stagnancy!

Analysis

Maybe you should have tried to get more injuries. They seem to have helped.

Analysis

Basically, you need a mirarcle. And who makes miracles? Why, it's Chris Sale!

Analysis

For what it's worth, Gibson filled in for Clemens admirably.

Analysis

Well, it was a good effort.

Analysis

Can the Dinos complete the comeback? Those last two weeks suggest no, but that's why they play the games.

Analysis

This is it, you know. If you don't sweep the Mounties next week, you can probably kiss that division goodbye.

Analysis

Just take care of business next week.

Analysis

Every week, it seems like the Aleworkers collapse further. But they still hold the lead, every time.

Analysis

One last series, and you win. Oh, and Satchel's back just in time.

Analysis

Better luck next time.

Analysis

Fantastic week to stay in the race, but the Mathews injury really hurts. Are you really sure you want to go with Bonilla? I mean, you have an actual third baseman you could use.

Analysis

Maybe if I restart the season, the Nortons will win.

Analysis

Too many dinger hitters, too big of a stadium.

Analysis

You're not going to lose 100 games! I'm confident.

Analysis

Kill the Scientists next week, and save me from Smasher's wrath! That's all you have to do!

Standings

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:03

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

PEOPLE SHOULD POST IN THIS THREAD SO WE DON'T KEEP STACKING THREE UPDATES ON A PAGE!

Also, who's running playoff pick 'em? Whoever's doing it should probably also explain the rules.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:12

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

Pirates lose a game, and uh, whoever has the championship retains.

Also, limping Joe Jackson should be on the DL, unless the AI is smart enough to slot Medwick.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:16

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Yes, just sweep the Mounties. That's all I need to do. And it's so easy. And of course I'm going to be going against them with Verlander and Cain. Not that the alternatives are much better, as my pitching has turned into a mush of mediocrity. And of course I'm still missing Ted Williams. Bah, bah, and twice bah. RIP my team, killed when there's no loving way Jeets, Herman, Musial and the like overperform like that in the Gauntlet.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:18

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

Last time I sent Smith, Williams, and Dihigo against the Witches, we got swept out of the building by almost the same guys they're sending up against us. I know we're still 7.5 games up, but I can't feel anything but under pressure right now.

Sheff's hurt for a couple of games, so let's rest him I suppose.

vs. RHP

Put Goose Goslin back in left and make him bat 6th
Put Paul Waner in RF and make him bat 7th.

That's all!

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:24

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

I keep saying that people should make hundreds of random, barely-consequential trades, like they used to. But nobody reads my updates, because they are smart.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:36

AnAnonymousIdiot: Sep 14, 2013

Minutes from the Loveland Aleworkers� Management Team

(Loveland Aleworks, 7:30 pm; <REDACTED> was found slumped in a corner seat; beer on his breath and a dubious growler in his left hand)

Last Land Ale: Looks like he�s passed out.

IPA: Wasn�t he supposed to be touring around with his team?

Last Land Ale: Guess not� Glad to have at least seen these games that he keeps mentioning.

Raspberry Sour: Does he have any idea what the hell he�s been doing? I�m surprised that we�re still in the lead.

Last Land Ale: Wait, we�re in the lead!?

Raspberry Sour: We are� somehow. But we�d be doing a lot better if he didn�t just go off the deep end.

IPA: What did he do?

Raspberry Sour: I dunno what he did, but he had to have done something. We�ve only seen their pics and it�s looking like they�re all too drunk to play. Or at least <REDACTED> is.

Imperial Stout: I�m checking the history� I�m seeing nothing; No pitchers have been switched out, no injuries, no- Wait, what!?

(<REDACTED> starts to come to at this time.)

Imperial Stout: I thought we kicked out Fred Luderus after the draft picks and trades!

<REDACTED>: Not so loud�

Imperial Stout: Sorry man� Look, did you want to keep Luderus around?

<REDACTED>: Who? No. (eyes squeeze shut and he starts rubbing his temples.)

Raspberry Sour: I think somebody really wants the team to fail. The botches seem fine enough, but seeing a team player we thought was kicked out isn�t just a fuckup anymore.

IPA: We�ll send somebody our roster, and hopefully we�ll figure it out. Last Land Ale, are you sober enough to drive him back home?

Last Land Ale: I guess� C�mon <REDACTED> It sucks to see you like this.

<REDACTED>: It feels like I�ve been stuck on an island full of madmen�

(The two leave... Everyone orders up new drinks.)

Imperial Stout: I just noticed some pick �ems, along with an odd question on the thread.

IPA: We say champs retain, right?

Imperial Stout: Then we got this thing? Why is it important to know how many games the Pirates will lose?

IPA: I don�t care. None?

Imperial Stout: Fair enough� (looks around for someone) C�mon Amy what�s keeping you?

AnAnonymousIdiot fucked around with this message at 00:40 on Jun 21, 2015

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:37

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

On the topic of Luderus - was he put in by Mogul because it wanted to rest the catcher, but couldn't find any backup catcher? Because I don't see a backup catcher on the Aleworkers right now.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:41

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

AnAnonymousIdiot posted:

Imperial Stout: I thought we kicked out Fred Luderus after the draft picks and trades!

Hey! I sent him down before, but you only have 24 guys listed on your roster now. And he would have played anyway because it's September.

Also, I went and looked at your spreadsheet and your lineup had the pitcher batting first. I'm guessing that's not actually what you want.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:50

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 12, 2024 01:31

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

Personally I find the idea of Fred Luderus catching to be quite ludicrous.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 00:51

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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