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The Wizard of Oz
Feb 7, 2004



Scientology is simultaneously the most ridiculous and most boring religion ever invented. Although it can be hilarious in summary, as Hubbard attemped to find the limits of how much horse poo poo his followers would swallow (a lifelong effort that he never succeeded at,) Hubbard's texts are so dense with his invented terminology and ramshackle structure that even making it past a single paragraph demands an insanity well-tuned to the religion.

Luckily, there are textbooks that organise and reduce this madness, such as The Scientology Handbook. This is an 8x11 hard-bound 896-page school-book and could only conceivably be considered a handbook in Hubbard's own meaty, bloated lobster claws. In it are hundreds of pictures illustrating Scientology's core concepts in as asinine a way as could be conceived with models who should never, ever be in front of a camera ever again. These are their stories.

I know I often mistake black smoke billowing from a window for a correctly-operating fireplace. It seems to go hand-in-hand with my mistaking plastic bags lined with airplane glue for my inhaler. Funny that.



This is a textbook for adults.



Aw geez I ain't s'posed to use ma gee-tar for paddlin'? How'm I supposed to git to the hoe-down then?



I can't wait for the film dramatisation!






See you next mission!



Oh man you're blowing my mind here.



Scientology pretends to be everything to everybody without really making any legitimate attempt at doing so. Here they are demonstrating how to train people on industrial machines. This involves telling the trainee to put his hand on a part and then withdraw it. Do this enough times, and he will then know how to use it. The good part is: anyone who uses this advice will lose limbs. Also pictured: fags.



You're gonna give me the finger, stinkyhole? Fine, I'll be right back with that order of boiling oil in your lap that you just ordered. The rest of you bitches best step the gently caress back, cause... holy poo poo, it's Harry Potter!



I'll touch the chair, all right, okay, but the table is BEYOND THE LINE.



Okay, okay, okay. I, uh, I get this knife thing, and I think I got the carrots right. How does, uh, how does that thing, that white thing come into play? The cut... ting... booaaard? You lost me.



Here we see Joe and Bill demonstrating their unique motivation techniques.



I am not eliding any instruction here. This is the whole exercise.



When my tibula is shattered and poking out of my flesh, LESS communication with my body, okay? Not more.



If this were my wife and son I wouldn't have a loving clue what's going on but I'd beat both of them half to death for it. What am I saying? If this were my wife and son I'd be long dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.



If I'm reading this right, if you hit your thumb with a hammer you're supposed to continue doing so until it doesn't hurt any more. That is mother loving hard core man.



I am not eliding any instruction here. This is the whole exercise.



I am communicating the concept of baseball to your shattered face. You will communicate your comprehension by spraying blood onto the floor and screaming.



Dear Penthouse. I never thought it could happen to me...



Two words: LAF FO. Scientology doesn't deserve to lick Islam's feet, and founder Mohammad was a thief, murderer, and fraud. Oh, and why isn't Scientology's profit prophet Hubbard? This guy isn't nearly corpulent, perverted, sweaty, or shockingly ugly enough to be a reasonable stand-in. Confucius say: I call bullshit.



First content update
Second content update (for Photoshopping only)

The Wizard of Oz fucked around with this message at Mar 6, 2005 around 02:27

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Pound_Coin
Feb 5, 2004




...........:laffo:

nanaki
Jul 22, 2003


Wow. This BEGS for Photoshoppery.

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Spiral
Dec 20, 2003



I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Bum the Sad
Aug 25, 2002

God Damnit

Hell Gem

Where the hell did you get this?

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Icemakor
Sep 11, 2000



What the gently caress did I just absorb into my brain. God drat that is scary poo poo.

tonytheshoes
Nov 19, 2002

They're still shitty...

This is just... amazing. Those pictures remind me of my old elementary school health book photos.

Maka
Mar 18, 2001



What the hahaha

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

This is how Davos feels.
This is how Davos feels all the time.



Can you please scan and post the full book on the private forums? It looks like pure comedy gold.

Shadow The Rat
Nov 12, 2003

Look here, I wrote "big laundry" and I don't even remember what the reason was. I guess I assumed I'd remember, like it was some big genius idea... Big laundry, BIG LAUNDRY! It's crazy, I'm a crazy person.


:what:

Seriously. This poo poo blows my fuckin mind away. Highlights is more complicated than this.

nanaki
Jul 22, 2003


Notice this reply.

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ashgromnies
Jun 19, 2004

by Lowtax


What is Scientology about?(other than looking like a smacktard)

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demc
Aug 19, 2000
Forum Veteran

Wait, wait. Is that last picture really in the loving book? Or did you make it. Because if that's really in the book, daaaamn.

Monteunicorn
Jun 19, 2004


what the gently caress

CarbonD
Nov 29, 2003


quote:

Bum the Sad came out of the closet to say:
Where the hell did you get this?

I would also like to know

420
Sep 11, 2001
www.bfnation.net

Sounds cool, where do I sign up.

CarbonD
Nov 29, 2003


quote:

nanaki came out of the closet to say:
Notice this reply.

Become curious about this quote

turncoat
Sep 10, 2003

by OMGWTFBBQ


my fav was when he hit his thumb with a hammer and you made a funny about it

oh yeah, "notice this" is creepy and/or may fit nicely into an action movie as a one-liner

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angerbeet
Mar 23, 2004

plob


"BECOME CURIOUS ABOUT THAT"

"YES I DID" :lol:

Lowtax
Nov 16, 1999


this is pretty amazing

Wraith
May 22, 2001

ARISE
ARISE, ROBOTS OF THEODEN

Point to the wall

Thank you

ashgromnies
Jun 19, 2004

by Lowtax


quote:

CarbonD came out of the closet to say:


Become curious about this quote
Yes, I did.

Throw a ball at my forehead.

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pogue23
Aug 15, 2002


:2monocle:

if only the Bible was this Photoshoppable

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ikillmyfriends
Feb 5, 2004

by Lowtax


What the gently caress has happened to my perfect world...

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Silhouette
Nov 16, 2002

SONIC BOOM!!!


MEN, GET THE WETSUITS. THE COMEDY FLOODGATE HAS BEEN OPENED!

Icemakor
Sep 11, 2000



lets get this party started
http://icemakor.go-dedicated.com/stoned.jpg

Daddar
Nov 13, 2003

What the fuck is the Internet?

What the gently caress.

elpintogrande
Sep 3, 2000



loving awesome.

Luigi's Discount Porn Bin
Jul 19, 2000

Put your face into the glue... FOR SCIENCE!

quote:

Snodar came out of the closet to say:
The ironing is delicious.

Pueidist
Jan 18, 2004

8-bit retirement home

quote:

nanaki came out of the closet to say:
Notice this reply.

Yes, I have.

interknot
Apr 25, 2003

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

It's great that they didn't stop making these things. Does anyone have an archive of the 70's version?

Spink
Oct 6, 2000

Gravity always wins, but the margin of victory is getting smaller all the time

That last picture is background material, brillant.

I'm waiting for black to become unfashionable so I can wear it as a statement

Livestock
Jan 22, 2001

TOO SEXY FOR DEMOCRACY


I noticed this thread. Yes I did. No I noticed the reply button. Yes I did.

This is fantastic.

Negadas
Jun 18, 2004


That book is amazingly funny.

This picture boggles my mind:
http://members.shaw.ca/burton-radon...ntology-685.jpg

Old Grendel
Nov 19, 2000
Horrible Killer of Threads


My Thetan just about puked from laughing so hard. Thanks, pal.

Darkvein
Jun 20, 2004


Lets see here. Where do I start?

W

I think so..

T

That sounds right..

F

I think I got it.

If only everybody went to Scientology. Then I could rule the world.

Samurai Sanders
Nov 4, 2003



Pillbug

This is the greatest thing ever. HAIL ERIS! er...HUBBARD!!!

I think I'm going to go motivate someone by punching them in the gut. I'm not going to give them a uppercut to the chin because that would be "overt".

Samurai Sanders fucked around with this message at Jun 21, 2004 around 03:19

Wraith
May 22, 2001

ARISE
ARISE, ROBOTS OF THEODEN

Necro-tron
Jan 12, 2003



quote:

ashgromnies came out of the closet to say:
What is Scientology about?(other than looking like a smacktard)
https://www.xenu.net

Everything you need to know man.

Please ignore the idiocy of my above statements.

Necro-tron fucked around with this message at Jun 21, 2004 around 03:20

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incoherent
Apr 24, 2004

01010100011010000111001
00110100101101100011011
000110010101110010


You cant really expand on these as a photoshopping. :( Its by far the loving ridiculous thing i've ever seen....

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