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Vorpal Bunny X
Nov 11, 2003


It was somewhere around MoPac, in the middle of the city, when the whiskey began to take hold.

There were five of us total, traveling in two cars: Cecil's car carried Portal Star (his g/f, non-goon) and I, and CheSera and Gizmo_Gun (his g/f) had their own car.

As we approached the hotel, we saw a bunch of sirens and emergency vehicles. "Oh gently caress, the party's started without us!" we exclaimed. Turned out that there was a car wreck right next door, and there were a few people with ears and tails standing around gawking at the pretty flashing lights.

We pulled into the hotel and saw a large banner for "Texas Furry Con." This was definitely the place, a fact which was verified by the crowd of a dozen or so people sitting around outside drinking Southern Comfort and making barking noises. Yeah.

Cecil, Portal and I headed inside to check things out. There was an abandoned registration table in the lobby, as well as a pair of State Troopers. Since it's common for cops to pull random security gigs off-duty (and since they have no actual powers while doing so), I wasn't concerned. We slipped past them and wandered down the hall, spying a nearly-empty conference room set aside for video games.

Much of what was going on had either ended, or was happening behind closed doors in hotel rooms, so we went back outside to meet up with the rest of the group. We stood cowering behind a red suburban for a few minutes, the non-smokers suddenly having taken up smoking. I invoked the spirit of Egon and muttered that I was terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. But everyone else was braver than I, so I took a few long swigs from my flask and prepared to head back into the mouth of hell.

I had already passed by them undetected once, but as we headed back in, I began to really question the wisdom of wearing an SA shirt to a furry convention. Hell, I was surprised I didn't get chased off with torches and pitchforks the moment I stepped out of the car. I would later learn to trust my intuition.

We went back into the lobby, which was populated by a few street-clothed furries (there were no fursuits to be seen, although there were quite a few tails and ears) and the girls went to work. They proved to be the most valuable members of the group, as they approached a few random furries and began to establish a dialog while Cecil and I stood around, pretending to be bewildered by the features of his new MiniDV camera.

After standing around in the lobby for a bit while the girls talked to them about their drawings and how neat they were, they were invited upstairs. Jackpot. All of us piled into the elevator, and we were taken up to the inner sanctum. And by "inner sanctum" I mean "a couple of hotel rooms, one of which was marked as the "Horse-pitality Suite" where some guys were sitting around with sketch pads and a computer.

It was at this point, later reviews of the videotape would show, that we were "made." As I stood in the hallway, a furry stuck her head out and immediately set off the silent furry alarms. We wouldn't realize until later what had taken place.

Once again, I must express my amazement at how Portal and Gizmo were able to edge their way into the group. Paying a compliment to someone's sloppy pencil sketch of a two-tailed fox with enormous breasts is as good as gold in that world. The "artists" were all simultaneously proud and flabbergasted when talking about how much money they could charge for their drawings (not nearly as flabbergasted as I, though) - and one offered to do commissioned drawings for $15 each.

CheSera, who I am now convinced is the one true antichrist, decided that both Cecil and I needed to be rendered as anthropomorphic animals. So I stood there for a few minutes to "pose," very uncomfortable and very much trying to keep my shirt pressed against the wall in case of someone recognizing it.

I slipped out into the hallway, where we again stood for a few minutes, listening to a furry talk about how MTV and CSI have given their community a bad public face. He wasn't the only person to mention CSI that night, and it quickly became obvious that the CSI episode was the biggest thing to happen to furries since Disney's Robin Hood.

Talk began about bringing some beer up from somewhere downstairs (presumably another room). The girls jumped on the opportunity, and predictably the furries became very excited about the idea of getting them drunk. They decided to play it safe by carding us - however, Gizmo didn't have her ID on her. As she was rifling through the contents of her purse, I swear to God, one of the furries was saying "please have your ID" over and over again. It was all I could do to keep from bursting out in laughter.

We went downstairs to regroup, leaving Cecil in the hotel room getting drawn. Portal came down a moment later, a warm Shiner Bock in her hand. We happily shared the furry beer, then went back up to retrieve Cecil. This was the beginning of the end.

Allow me to take a moment to give a general impression of people and events up until this point. Taken individually, a few of the people we met were genuinely nice. Sure, they were obsessed with two-tailed, six-breasted cats with making GBS threads dick-nipples, but they were good people. They were very hospitable, and eager to satisfy the curiosity of people they didn't know.

This impression would soon change.

Getting back to the story, we stepped past a growing group of furries crowded around the "Horse-pitality Suite," said our goodbyes, and headed down the back staircase, giggling all the way. No sooner had we gotten into the parking lot than we heard a voice behind us.

"Hey, come back here!"

gently caress.

We turned around to see a behemoth stalking toward us.

"I need you to come with me."

I burst out laughing. "Why?"

"That t-shirt. We checked the website, and I need you to come with me."

"No."

Looking around, I noticed that Cecil had disappeared, presumably to start the car. After another few moments of "the enforcer" trying to convince us to follow him back upstairs, I simply turned and started walking away. Of course, since the back of the shirt bore the offending grenade logo. this only served to intimidate him more.

I did my best to ignore his yells and just keep walking, hoping that Cecil would get his car started and get out of the parking space before I got there. I heard him getting closer, as he was actually running to catch up. Then I heard him call out, "guys, Something Awful is here!" as I got into the car.

You know that sinking-stomach feeling you get when you're in a situation that's gotten way out of hand? The adrenaline-surge of an instinctive fight-or-flight response. As I sat there in Cecil's car, with Mayor McCheese sitting on the hood ranting to his other loving furry friends, that's exactly the way I felt. Or, at least, that's how I would've felt if I hadn't been drunk off my rear end. Instead, I was simply pissed off.

As the crowd grew, the organizers sent over the State Troopers who had been standing in the lobby. Apparently they realized, as we did, just how stupid it was to be detaining people because we were going to talk about them on the internet. His only response was "man, I'm off duty. You guys need to call Travis County."

From there began about ninety minutes of sitting in Cecil's car while various furries came over to accuse us of various things of which we had no knowledge. We ceased to be "outsiders who showed up" and became instead the focal point of years of anti-"mundane" rage. MTV's special? Yeah, that was our fault. The CSI Episode? Yep, that was us.

But mainly they just wanted to have their moment of justice. After years of being shunned by society, they had caught some people who had wronged them, and they would make the offending parties pay. Of course, none of them had any idea what to do other than just stand in front of the car. They hadn't thought that far ahead. They seemed content to take turns standing in front of our front bumper. A few came out to take pictures of us, for unknown reasons (although I secretly hope they start an "enemies of the fur" website and post our pictures as 'known anti-furry activists'), and one small group apparently wanted Cecil's autograph, again for unknown reasons.

Again, there were a couple of them who were genuinely nice, and realized that the witch hunt had gotten way out of control. The rest, however, had gone completely batshit insane. The guards in front of the car were carrying Maglites, and wielding them the way they'd seen cops carry them on TV. We heard one group even going so far as to accuse us of "terrorism" - when detaining people against their will is doubtless closer to terrorism than what we were doing.

Meanwhile, CheSera and Gizmo had been off negotiating for our release with the furry shamans or whatever. They came over a few times, went back and forth, and finally decided that their main evidence against us was that we had supposedly posted drawings made by furry artists here on the SA forums. Since our drawings had been made, before our eyes, within the previous hour, we handed them over so they could go "verify" that they were not the ones posted by Sonata in the previous thread.

Once they saw that we had not somehow magically made SA posts from the loving parking lot, some of them seemed satisfied to let us go. The eldest among them verified that I had nothing on my digital camera (which I had left in the car, so no pictures were taken by me), which satisfied more of them. The most overzealous among them, however, felt that this was still not enough.

They brought out a clipboard with blank paper on it, and made us write some sort of apology and promise that we would not speak of those events in a negative manner, then sign and date it. This is not legal in any sense (mainly because the "confessions" were being written and signed under duress), but we'd do whatever it took to get the gently caress out of there at that point, which included scrawling an illegible signature of a made-up name on a piece of paper.

Finally, with the fat furry fucks satisfied, we left the parking lot cackling with laughter. We raced to a bar, where we spent the remaining time before 2AM repeating "I can't believe that just happened," and attempting to drink away the fact that we just actually visited a furry convention.

And now that the facts are out, I will commence with the shameless, immature name-calling, as is my first amendment right, despite what people in the furry community seem to believe:

I can't believe those loving furry fuckrags stood in front of our car for two god drat hours. I mean, it's one thing to be so loving unattractive that you have to pretend to be a koala in order to get a piece of rear end, but after seeing the fat blubbertroll women lurking around there, I'm not at all surprised that they're going for each other instead.

Listen, just because you were flipping channels while jerking off at age 11, and accidentally came when the TV landed on The Jungle Book, THAT DOES NOT COUNT AS A SEXUAL PREFERENCE. If the only thing you can draw is exaggerated imaginary creatures, maybe it means that you simply CAN'T DRAW.

The furry movement has turned from a hosed-up, internet-enabled fetish into a full blown cult. I seriously doubt whether most of them would ever have arrived at being a furry if left on their own. It's all about wanting to belong, and it's a lot easier to join a group of people on the internet who just happen to enjoy rubbing Beanie Babies against their groins than it is to become an active member of society as a whole.

Your status as an "outcast" is completely voluntary, but you're not "being yourself" by being a furry; you're joining a community of lots of other lonely, socially inept retards who were dropped on their heads as children while visiting the zoo. It's not the furry stuff itself that people hate. Okay, part of it is. But the rest is the inexplicable zeal with which you defend your freakish animal sex cult.

loving furries.

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L33t_Kefka
Jul 16, 2000

My 1337 littl3 magic us3r, put 0n this cr0wn, bitch! H4W H4W! I 0wn j00!!!!

Where is the video? :( The synopsis is good, but video = priceless.

Unionize your job
Mar 24, 2003

Oh dear. Is that bannable?

Reply 1: Is there enough booze in the world to drink away an experience like that?

Reply 2: Good to know they're so afraid of us.

Edit: Reply 3:

quote:

Vorpal Bunny X came out of the closet to say:
We turned around to see a behemoth stalking toward us.

"I need you to come with me."

I burst out laughing. "Why?"

"That t-shirt. We checked the website, and I need you to come with me."

"No."

It's both funny to think that they imagined you would submit to furry authority and terrifying to picture a furry interrogation. Clockwork-Orange-style strapped into a chair with eyelids peeled back while home videos of furpiles and episodes of Rescue Rangers are constantly played back on monitors in front of you.

And you walk out of there, and you discover that you truly do love Big Horsecock Brother.

Unionize your job fucked around with this message at 23:21 on Mar 21, 2004

applefest
Jul 21, 2003
Poon

loving furries indeed

Krakkles
May 5, 2003

There's a couple people who use it whenever they don't like something a goon from the US says. Insults comparing people of a given nationality to septic tanks aren't good, and the fact they haven't gotten angry enough to use them lately isn't an argument for them being fine.

Second thread, and you guys didn't meet up?

Furries :rolleyes:

region25
Apr 30, 2002

deep brain stimulation

You're a braver man than I. Wish there were pics but 5.

TRIVIA!

Cecil
Jul 6, 2000

CURSES! Foiled again!

Grimey Drawer

Notes on the videos:

I'm using the USB capture function on my camera, so quality is low. Also, they were all shot from the hip to avoid as much attention as possible. So if it's a bit jiggly, sorry.

They're encoded with Divx, so you'll need that.


In the beer video, you see the furry hospitality. We met a lot of nicer folks there, and they seemed willing to show my girlfriend around. The power of breasts is quite impressive. During this video, you'll want to raise the volume. At the beginning, you hear my girl (PortalStar) admit to not being a furry, notice the several seconds of uncomfortable silence. Later, we are offered beer, which we drink in the parking lot.

This is when we think we were made as goons. Those larger folks kept pacing back and forth, staring at Vorpal's shirt. The REALLY big guy is the one that would later stand in front of my car and point at us. The woman poking her head out of her room seemed nice, but apparently she's the SA goon who's account was used to check up on us.


Is that the cops? Cecil asks at the end of this one. This has the confrontation, the fur pile on my drat car, and that extremely angry woman yelling at Vorpal at the beginning.

Ramrod Hotshot
May 30, 2003



Any relation to this thread?: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=965650

region25
Apr 30, 2002

deep brain stimulation

quote:

Kaiser Bill came out of the closet to say:
Any relation to this thread?: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=965650

If you read them both I bet you could find some parallels.

TRIVIA!

black sheep
Jul 1, 2003
Pie > Cake

you should've knocked a furry on its back and tape it struggling to get back up

you done good vorpal and gang...you done good

L33t_Kefka
Jul 16, 2000

My 1337 littl3 magic us3r, put 0n this cr0wn, bitch! H4W H4W! I 0wn j00!!!!

"If this is about that T-shirt, I bought it off a comedy website!!"

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

EDIT: If they were infront of your car, you should have run them over. (Or at least move the car slowly forward as to get out of there and not hurt anyone)

Hiyoshi
Jun 27, 2003

The jig is up!

We need more footage, please!

5FingerDiscount
Aug 17, 2003

5 finger this!


Haha. Which hotel was this at?

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

lil bip
Mar 12, 2004

That ain't workin', that's the way you do it

Thanks for the amazing story :)
You enriched my lunchtime.

e_angst
Sep 20, 2001

by exmarx


Wow, that is frightening. It could have used a better chase scene, but I guess furries can't run that fast...

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Rura Penthe
Jun 2, 2000
Lock up your microwaves... SwearingScience is here!

I am glad I was not aware of this convention. Luckily SXSW does a good job of drowning out poo poo like this.

GXL
Feb 6, 2004

It's against all of our policies for an application to ever share information with advertisers.

Thanks for the amusing story and videos. Seeing the coalition of buttertrolls marching down the hall in the second video made me :lol:.

SmokaDustbowl
Feb 12, 2001



Fun Shoe

You should have just held the horn while they milled around the front of the car.

Bloodwaffle
Feb 9, 2004



Oh, wow! It's like you confronted a band of chimps. At first, the more gregarious chimps
associated with you. There was a little interaction, but you nor the chimps were comfortable
with it. Then a visual cue led the chimps to become hostile. A large bull chimp comforted you,
backed up by the apparent leader of the female chimps. She, of course, was the loudest.
In the end, they kept you there to pelt you with their poo poo.

I suppect deep down in their devolved chimp-like brains they did want to literally throw their
poo poo at you. But they're no better at being chimps than they are humans, so alas that instict
was ultimately impotent.

Radio
Jul 25, 2003

Oh no, trash bear!

Hahaha, furries suck.




Hahahahaha.

CHEF!!!
Feb 22, 2001



I commend you on your bravery, good sir. I wish there were furcons here in Dallas so me and my friends go and make them "eat the meat-a-balls-a!*"

*CpnScraps and I take turns holding furries down and the other person shits in their mouth, hoping they don't get off on it.

Vorpal Bunny X
Nov 11, 2003


quote:

L33t_Kefka came out of the closet to say:
EDIT: If they were infront of your car, you should have run them over. (Or at least move the car slowly forward as to get out of there and not hurt anyone)

Only registered members can see post attachments!

MagnumHB
Jan 19, 2003



"Use the bumper. That's what it's for."

Also, there didn't seem to be a lot of fursuits there. :confused:

Ackbar
Jul 15, 2002



quote:

Cecil came out of the closet to say:
The woman poking her head out of her room seemed nice, but apparently she's the SA goon who's account was used to check up on us.
She should be permabanned.

Man, I should have met you guys down there.

[img]........................[/img]

xdrquinnx
May 5, 2002



You guys are heroes. Nice work. And post more videos!

Adhemar
Jan 20, 2004

Kellner, da ist ein scheussliches Biest in meiner Suppe.

quote:

Ratcar came out of the closet to say:
She should be permabanned.

She is obviously some result of a sick experiment; how can one person be both goon AND furry? It's a scientific impossibility.

Adhemar fucked around with this message at 23:40 on Mar 21, 2004

Radio
Jul 25, 2003

Oh no, trash bear!

It's part of the invisible war.

Camrath
Mar 19, 2004

The UKMT Fudge Baron




So the basic upshot of this is, "We turned up someplace we knew we weren't welcome, and got kicked out."?

Call me foolish and naive, but I really don't see what's so heroic about that..

Ackbar
Jul 15, 2002



quote:

Camrath came out of the closet to say:
So the basic upshot of this is, "We turned up someplace we knew we weren't welcome, and got kicked out."?

Call me foolish and naive, but I really don't see what's so heroic about that..
gently caress you, leave.

[img]........................[/img]

Antigen
May 4, 2003


Jesus Christ. In those videos its all just so creepy and strange, I commend you for going within a mile of that building.


Camrath You loving FURRY.

Vorpal Bunny X
Nov 11, 2003


We weren't kicked out. We were leaving and they prevented us from leaving.

Spirit of 1994
Jun 17, 2003

No! You lie! You're a lying fan!

quote:

UnnamedPlayer came out of the closet to say:


She is obviously some result of a sick experiment; how can one person be both goon AND furry? It's a scientific impossibility.

Is not, Doodles is a furry and we like Doodles.

Cecil
Jul 6, 2000

CURSES! Foiled again!

Grimey Drawer

quote:

Ratcar came out of the closet to say:
She should be permabanned.
Man, I should have met you guys down there.

You never call, you never write.

As for the woman, naaah. She was one of the nicer ones. I'm just kind of curious as to who she is.

I admit we could have been more subtle, but I was not involved in any of the planning of this. I didn't see the thread, I didn't know the background, I was just called while I was out on the road, heading to buy a videocamera.


This woman here was one of the two hellraisers. She didn't like having her picture taken. Well, neither did I. So I'm posting the best shot I have of her, since she was convinced I was lying to her, and would not listen to reason.

Cecil fucked around with this message at 23:43 on Mar 21, 2004

Adhemar
Jan 20, 2004

Kellner, da ist ein scheussliches Biest in meiner Suppe.

quote:

Camrath came out of the closet to say:
So the basic upshot of this is, "We turned up someplace we knew we weren't welcome, and got kicked out."?

Call me foolish and naive, but I really don't see what's so heroic about that..

What's wrong with you? They went into the beast's lair, boldly wearing an SA shirt! If that ain't heroism, then I don't know what is.

Camrath
Mar 19, 2004

The UKMT Fudge Baron




Well, I'd put it about the same level of heroism as going out into no-man's land on the Western Front, 1916, while wearing glowsticks and a police-siren hat. Silly, dangerous, somewhat amusing but ultimately utterly pointless.

Ransom
Jan 8, 2001

JOLLY RAPIST


quote:

Vorpal Bunny X came out of the closet to say:
We weren't kicked out. We were leaving and they prevented us from leaving.

You should have ran through them. Although the comedy of them forcing you to stay and sign documents more than makes up for it. Well played, sir. Well played indeed.

Quenzar
Jul 25, 2003
MMORPG fees fund terrorism.

I'm so glad I was enjoying SXSW instead of at this convention.

2 fat 4 my lambo
Oct 9, 2003

WEED POOP

hahahahahaha
good job, although you should've just moved the car very slowly like L33t_Kefka said. Then again, I wouldn't know how frightening it is to have a 300 pound fuffy chase after you, so who am I to judge


Sigma
Aug 24, 2003

...


Grimey Drawer

quote:

Ransom came out of the closet to say:


You should have ran through them. Although the comedy of them forcing you to stay and sign documents more than makes up for it. Well played, sir. Well played indeed.
Are you now or have you ever been part of the Goon Party?

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Ransom
Jan 8, 2001

JOLLY RAPIST


quote:

Sigma came out of the closet to say:
Are you now or have you ever been part of the Goon Party?

May I see your....papers sir?