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Directed by: Adam Minarovich Starring: Adam Minarovich, Jeremy Busbee, Michael Moore, Catherine Minarovich, My roommate loves cheesy horror flicks. I mean, just about anything with giant killer rats, or evil man-eating locusts, or killer teddy bears--- she'll probably rent that stuff. So, it came as no surprise when she brought home a movie about midget vampires. Yes, you read me right- MIDGET VAMPIRES. I realize that the concept had promise, but it's poorly executed. This movie comes off like a low-budget student art film trying to be a big budget flick. Most of the action scenes are filmed in slow motion to extend the playing time of the movie. This includes the awesome scene where the main hero (a half-breed vampire) does a backflip off a railing from a height of like 3 feet. Yes. A backflip. The special effects are the worst. The vampires' teeth are created by--- get this--- them folding their lip over the false teeth and exposing them when they please. It's kinda like when a gradeschooler is pretending to make fangs grow. You can see them bulging under their upper lip when they're not showing. The plot line is deplorable. These midget vampires are on a quest to obtain a sword that lets them turn regular-sized people into vampires. You see, if THEY bite someone, the person merely dies. The main character (also the director) is a half-breed vampire who--- along with his midget sidekick--- hunt this gang of midget vampires. Every single element of the plot is predictable. The vampires walk around in broad daylight, are unaffected by garlic, and their only weakness is--- well, I won't tell you, but it's the stupidest goddamn thing in the history of filmmaking. The dialog is laughable, and the "actors'" delivery of this lovely dialog is so bad it's almost funny. You may be tempted to rent this for the camp factor. Please don't. It's not even one of those "so bad it's funny" movies. It's just bad. I sincerely hope that the director never finds work in filmmaking again. RATING: 0 PROS: midget vampires, cheesy horror movie CONS: bad special effects, amateurish filming, bad plot, poor acting ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0344843/
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May 15, 2004 16:51
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 01:56 |
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