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Directed by: Don Jurwich Starring: Burgess Meredith, Don Johnson, Chris Latta, Michael Bell G.I. Joe the movie is the story of an ancient civilization that spontaneously surfaces for no real known reason after Cobra fails to retrieve a new device called the Broadcast Energy Transmitter(B.E.T), which is a device that can send energy at great distances in very little time.. And that's pretty much it. Cobra emperor, Serpentor when first meeting with an emissary of this ancient civilization, which is called Cobra-La. Serpentor is met with the emissary who breaches all of the defenses of Cobra HQ easily, who introduces herself as Pythona, who Serpentor recognizes from a dream. She tells him to retrieve the B.E.T for Cobra-La, which he does attempt to do. One would question why, since he knows nothing of this woman. Anyway, as always, Cobra botches up their attack and Serpentor is captured, and Cobra Commander leads a retreat to Cobra-La, which is located in the arctic. As it turns out, Cobra Commander is a citizen of Cobra-La, but he's lost alot of popularity there, as noticed when the elite guard of Cobra-La, a titan with pink armor and bat wings (Nemesis Enforcer) slaps the commander like a bitch and then apprehends him as a prisoner. With Serpentor, in the Joe Prison, they leave him guarded by the woman chasing brother of Duke, Lt. Falcon ( voiced by Miami Vice's Don Johnson, no less). He of course screws up because he's trying to tap the rear end of the female ninja Jinx, which leaves Nemesis Enforcer and Pythona easy access to free Serpentor, whereupon they take him to Cobra-La, to their leader Golobulus, who reveals he installed the idea to create Serpentor withing Dr. Mindbender's head, and that he is the true creator of Serpentor. He also reveals that Cobra-La wants the B.E.T in order to ripen some mutant organic pods that have been shot in to space by Cobra-La. When matured by the heat energy of the B.E.T, the pods in space will discharge spores onto the planet will de-evolve all of humanity into primitive beasts. Apparently, Cobra-La dislikes humanity because of their inorganic technology. Anyway, for Lt. Falcon's punishment for allowing Serpentor to escape, he is sentenced to train under Sgt. Slaughter ( yeah, THAT one), and his "Slaughter's Maurauders", which apparently is a very gruelling training procedure. Cobra-La disposes of Cobra Commander by de-evolving him into a snake and then Cobra launches a second attempt to retrieve the B.E.T, which is successful this time, and G.I. Joe must launch a full assault on Cobra-La to save the world. I'll say no more for those who have not seen the movie and wish to see it Ah, this movie.. Joe fans either love it or hate it. Mainly because of Cobra-La. However this film has excellent animation, a unique and clever plot, and the coolest G.I. Joe theme song that has ever been made. It's at least worth being rented and viewed once, if anything RATING: 5.3 PROS: All new villains, See what Cobra Commander looks like under his mask! CONS: End of the G.I. Joe original series ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093066/
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Aug 18, 2004 02:52
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 15:21 |
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I had fond memories of this from my childhood, but those dreams were shattered when my friends and I found a copy at a video store and watched it. The whole "wassss a maaaann" thing and having a powerful weapon called B.E.T. are funny for awhile, but it's just a terrible, terrible movie. I have a feeling it was just used to introduce some new toys, kind of like the pokemon movies.
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Aug 18, 2004 03:50
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There are certain movies in this world that you walk into knowing you will either like or hate. To wit, if you liked the first two Lord of the Rings movies, chances are good you are gonna like the third. On the other side, if you hated the first two why the gently caress would you go see the third? GI Joe the movie is like this. I honestly can't see any reason why a person who liked the Joe cartoon wouldn't at least enjoy this movie; unless they were a nitpicky little gently caress who had a problem with it being too "unrealistic" or some other lameass excuse to be a jerk. On the other hand, if you don't like GI Joe you have no part watching this movie. Cobra-La was a brilliant idea, taking the hilarity of Cobra's schemes to the nth degree and helping me realize just for a moment what would have happened if HP Lovecraft was hired to be a creative consultant on an action movie, Nemesis Enforcer was one of the most awesome villains ever on GI Joe, I personally loved the "WASSS A MANNN" segment with Cobra Commander and Roadblock, and Sergeant Slaughter was used to the hilt. I only really have two complaints with the flick: first off, it watches just like an hour and a half episode of GI Joe. Unlike Transformers the movie, which had a top-notch soundtrack, great animation, and a really epic feel; GI Joe feels just like a good, extended TV episode. Other than that the only problem is a bunch of the awesome older characters from the show/comics (Snake Eyes, Barbecue, etc.) were given pretty lovely roles so they could sell more Tunnel Rat figures (danthemitchell DOES have a point on this one). But in the end, I'm not gonna comlain about any piece of cinema that features Sgt. Slaughter fighting a giant loving praying mantis. 4/5 just because it could have been even better than it was edited for grammar fuckery
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Aug 19, 2004 00:53
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The only good part of this movie was the opening scene by the Statue of Liberty. Cobra Commander is a SPACE ALIEN? Fan protest of Optimus Prime's death forcing them to lamely alter the script so that Duke lives in the end? Cobra-La(La-La-La-La)? Big Lob? BIG LOB?! 2/5.
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Aug 19, 2004 03:49
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Bonus review!: Toy Review. I shall now include in this review, the toys that were made in the image of the movie, well, from the villains side, at least. Golobulus The leader of the civillization that is Cobra-La, Golobulus' figure comes in the form you see him in at the end of the movie. for most of the movie he flies about in a transform which sort of looks like a bloated alien leech, but within there is a half man/half snake. According to his file card, Golobulus is descended from the serpent kings of ancient history, and he is centuries old. And also, over these centuries, most of his body has been replaced or altered with biomechanic technology of Cobra-La, which would explain his snake tail, huge mutated right eye, and his left arm. The filecard also mentions that all of the buildings in Cobra-La are actually crustacean parasites that form together, and that EVERYTHING in Cobra-La is a living thing. Now you have to have some SERIOUS balls to live in a place where everything around you is actually a group of parasites. In terms of Stability, Golobulus is the worst figure in the G.I. Joe line, because no matter how you pose him, he will not stand on his own. But he is a great rendition of his movie character, and really fun, if you want to play with your joes. Nemesis Enforcer The titan of Cobra-La. Nemesis Enforcer comes with his wings that attatch to his back, as well as a green tentacle spore, which is actually a weapon Pythona uses in the movie... Kinda ironic since a Pythona figure was never made. The only problem with Nemmy is that he's too small. Nemesis Enforcer should have been made an inch taller AT LEAST to tower over your other joes. But still, he's a great figure. According to his file card, Nemesis Enforcer was created by Golobulus from a pile of dead things, and , now I'm QUOTING from the card of a toy for CHILDREN, " Where his soul should be, there is nothing but darkness". That alone makes Nemesis Enforcer 1000 times more bad rear end Royal Guard This character.. or rather characters are probably the ones responsible for so many joe fans hating Cobra-La. Because of their charging into battle screaming "La la la la la la la!". Well personally, that doesn't bother me. It actually makes them more creepy. It's when Serpentor mimics them, saying, "Cobra la la la la!" that makes you wish you weren't watching the film. I try to skip that part. He only does it twice in the movie, so I don't mind. The Royal guard is a pretty good representation of the movie character, except the figure doesnt come with a cape. In the movie, all the guards wore black capes. According to the file card, the Royal Guards are surgically bred for strength, speed, endurance, and size. Also, it goes on to mention that they are encased from head to foot in organic insectoid armor... Ok stop.. now try to imagine functioning in your daily life if you had bugs clinging to you for clothing... all over you.. that's right.. you can't.. because you will NEVER be as hardcore as Cobra-La. The only thing is, I think this was the figure they should have not bothered with, and put Pythona in it's place. Because let's assume you were a kid in the 80's and wanted to build a cobra-la army of say 10 of these annoying bastards. Well you'd also have 10 golobulus' and 10 Nemesis Enforcers, because the Cobra-La figures were sold in a 3-pack I give the toys a 3.9/5 Golobulus fucked around with this message at 04:34 on Aug 19, 2004 |
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Aug 19, 2004 04:24
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Cobra Commander weeping over his lost humanity. How could it possibly go wrong?
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Aug 20, 2004 02:53
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This movie is just classic enough for me. I never actually saw the TV series, but I was impressed by how badass this was. With characters like Cobra Commander, how can this possibly be considered bad? P.S.: Amazing animation 5/5
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Aug 20, 2004 11:57
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Is this the one where the leader blonde GI-joe guy gets stabbed thru the hearth with a snake-shaped lance? And pink blood came out? Man, that hosed me up as a kid, I couldn't see the rest of the movie because of that.. blood in a cartoon? What has the world come to????? Now I enjoy South Park. At least I've grown up. Oh and. Good movie because GI-Joe is the poo poo.
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Aug 22, 2004 00:51
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 15:21 |
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quote:Spram came out of the closet to say: Yes this is the one where Duke got skewered by Serpentor's Snake staff, though they covered it by saying he went into a coma, though he was originally supposed to die . ( it's obvious, because comas are normally caused by head trauma.. not heart piercing.)
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Aug 22, 2004 03:41
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