Something Awful Anonymous Confessional

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Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

We've all seen threads in the past requesting you to admit to the worst things you've done, have you killed somebody in cold blood, raped a small child, skinned a kitten alive, et cetera, there's a problem though: We all have a certain degree of forum reputation, no one wants to be known as the furry, the child rapist, whatever. We all have ip addresses linking us to our homes; we can't post about our recent crimes.

I want to know just how dirty our forums are, tell me your worst secrets anonymously. Are you a permabanned member? Has your penis been cut off? Did you rob and murder an innocent couple across the street, only to save their limbs in your freezer, and make their skin into lampshades.

I don't want any bullshit though, please. I beg you, I know this vulnerable and is an easy way to make things up, but can we please try to go on the honor system as it will keep this more interesting I believe.

Here's how we do it: Firstly, I solemnly e-swear that under the same code as catholic priests, your secret is safe with me. It really doesn't matter though because you have the opportunity to stay as anonymous as you wish, use a proxy, use 50 proxies. Whether you use a proxy or not, I will not post your ip address, the emails are deleted (not archived) upon me posting the content only here.

Email me something so truly embarrassing or horrific that you won�t even risk telling internet web surfers who don't know you at all.

saconfessions@gmail.com

I will probably post every email I receive in quotations exactly as I receive it. Go ahead, get all that weight off your back, create an email account, and go find some proxies for the really paranoid.

Edit: Some of the guilty have been using http://www.anonemailer.com/ I think this is a good idea for those who don't have access to a proxy.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned...

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Pimpsolo fucked around with this message at 10:00 on Aug 22, 2005

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 06:53

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 08:53

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

An anonymous email tip is not a credible source, informing the police would be quite a waste of time? However if they do ask, they will recieve total control of my email account, only to find our child rapists and murders have used proxies if they're smart. Hopfully the Something Awful crowd isn't that awful.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 06:59

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

Dr. Lemon-Fresh came out of the closet to say:
That's not totally anonymous, really. What'd be better would be a web applet like that one confession website that got some attention in GBS recently.

I thought about it, I feel that's far too susceptible to the bullshit I was trying to avoid. I understand it isn't 100% anonymous, but neither can we be sure the web applet is either, or any web applet for that matter. The servers can log ips, and it's just a mess, hopfully this weeds out those problems, we'll see, it's worth a shot I think.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 07:04

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

Chef Tony came out of the closet to say:
Are you going to post some of the confessions here or no?

Every confession will be posted, currently I haven't recieved any confessions yet, however I will be checking regularly.

GodofLint, great suggestion. Get cracking you anonymous morbid freaks.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 07:09

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My confession is that I lied about something in my confession that I submitted to the SomethingAwful.com Forums Anonymous Confessional via E-mail. In addition, I told dozens of people that I did this so it really isn't anonymous now is it. I feel terrible! I'm just kidding. I don't feel that bad about it! I'd do it again if presented with the opportunity.

See, now this, this is not what I'm looking for really. It seems to have a sarcastic tone to it. This isn't what I'm digging really. I would like to respond though: it is still anonymous anonymous emailer, because none of us know who you are.

Edit: I have recieved another confession from the same user it seems.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I was presented with the opportunity to lie again on this internet confessional email service, so I did.
Wait since I sent this and I promised I would before I guess that isn't really a lie.
Ok the beginning of the email is a lie because I promised I would lie on the internet again but I sort of half-didn't.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 07:13

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

forgive me father
for i have sinned

I used to drive with my car's tire pressures below factory spec. to
increase ride comfort, all the while decreasing my efficency,
destorying the enviroment.

god forgive me

This is great, see, a poster who probably browses AI would have never admitted this, or used any type of grammar to do so. I applaud you for your candor. You are forgiven.

And another:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I (with two friends) burnt down the home of a very poor old man when I was 10. We were there when the firemen arrived - and the old guy showed up. He was on his knees crying because he had nothing.

After that date, he always thought I was just being kind to him because I was a nice person...

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 07:19

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

This guilty party wanted to disclose the following:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

forgive me father
for i have sinned :\

I used to make fun of this socially-awkward kid named Dennis all the time last year in High School. Everyone hated him, and everyone made fun of him. I don't know where he is now, but I feel bad about it. I would REALLY make fun of him too, I was really bad.

Also, in that same year, I got mad at one of my friends. I retaliated by telling everyone her secrets, including the amount of times she has had sex. She lost alot of friends. In the end, she figured out it was me and tried to kick my rear end, but I denied it.

Another anonymous emailer wrote:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once "digitally enhanced" a photo of my friend's wife, to see what her
bikini was hiding. Screw the 10th commandment, she's loving hot.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 07:30

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

At the age of 17 I have yet to kiss a girl. I'm overweight, though this isn't the only reason. Looking back I've had opportunities, just never realized it at the time. The biggest factor in this is low self confidence.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Earlier this year, I was late to school because I slept in. It was
raining, and I was kinda new to the driving thing. I was parking
facing downhill, with a car in the spot across from mine. I went to
reverse to straighten up my car when it skidded a bit on the slick
asphalt and nailed the car in front of mine before I could get to the
brake to stop it. Anyways, I just backed up into the space across the
aisle from the spot that I was going to park in. There were some dents
in the front bumper, but nobody saw it happen since I was late to
school. I didn't tell anybody because it was a crappy little ricer
that belonged to some rich little sophomore.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was real little, I remember finding out what a blowjob was. I really wanted to see what it felt like. So I tried to get my cat to do it. Please note, that this was A LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG time ago. It still haunts me. What the gently caress was I thinking? Jesus Christ.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Years ago, back when I was about 7 or 8, I went to a friend\'s house for baby-sitting. Now, this kid was my same age but apparantly he had some warning lights that I, at the time, did not understand and everyone else had ignored. Like a budding scat fetish and an affinity for his little sister\'s genitals who was 4 or 5 at the time. Anyway, one afternoon when we were playing in the basement the kid coaxed me to undress and sorta rubbed his penis on me. I didn\'t have a concept of sexuality at the time, so I thought it was just weird and felt bad because it was a no-no to be naked. Lucky for me, the little pervert didn\'t try to ram anything up my butt. At that point, my mother came to pick me up and saw the scene. I didn\'t go to their house in the afternoons from that point on.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to mock a fat kid in middle and high school named Steve. Later, I ratted on him for hacking the school's computer network. I didn't feel guilty for that, since he did do it. But he got charges filed against him, and I ended up going to the police station to give some form of video testimony.

Steve was expelled and later went to a Catholic school in the area. One day, he took a gun and blew his head off.

To this day, I wonder if my taunting had anything to do with it.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 07:39

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 13 or so, I was hanging out with my half-sister that I
rarely saw. She asked me to give her a massage, so I obliged. I
started out at the shoulders, went down further, and eventually I was
massaging her breasts. Getting ballsy, I moved slowly down to her
nether regions and began fingering her. Being a virgin, I didn't make
any further moves, but I'll bet I could've hosed her if I'd tried.

At about 14 or 15, I tried to have sex with my mom multiple times
while she was sleeping, but I (still a virgin) had no clue what I was
doing and couldn't get it in. I don't know if she knew, but she's
dead now. I also stole a shitload of money from her and she never
caught on.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I got stupendously drunk on Jack Daniels a couple weeks ago and
disclosed the exploits of my girlfriend and myself to a friend of
mine, then feigned having been so trashed as to have forgotten what I
disclosed.

Really I just felt like bragging that I could bring her to orgasm
several times in one sitting.

And still do, apparently.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

want to have sex with one of my girlfriend's best friends, even though I'm practically engaged. I'm so right for her and my penis must have her.

I feel that I've said too much. I don't know how goony either of them may be...

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

One time I used a condom and a bunch of lotion, and I made a makeshift
fleshlight out of a cardboard paper-towell tube. It took me forever
to come, though.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a panty fetish. My dad recently married a very attracive woman, and for a while I used to enjoy seeing thongs etc. in the laundry room. I once tried one on. I'm fat. It wasn't pretty. This has since lost its novelty.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I religiously masturbate to furry porn and badly drawn cartoon porn.

The following are from separate emailers, however I lumped them into one quote for obvious reasons.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I poo poo my pants on a daily basis. I also use the shower head to clean my rear end of poo

ACTUALLY HAVE SHITTED IN MY PANTS AND I'M 20.

I am a 25 year old virgin.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 07:46

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am incomprehensibly frightened of the dark. If I go down to get a
drink of water at night, I have to have some sort of light source
shining in front of me so that I can be sure that there is no lurking
terror that I am about to stumble into. Even then, once I close the
refridgerator door, I have to literally run up the stairs to keep the
unseen horror from reaching me and committing unspeakable atrocities
upon my person. The creature that I never see. I know it is there. It
is supernatural. Shorter than me, eyeless with dribbling, shruken
lips, that draws a rattling breath as it reaches its terrible claws to
rend my living flesh from the bones while I stand helpless, unable to
shriek for pain or help or anything. Needless to say it becomes
slightly debilitating at times.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I had a sex change when I was eighteen. I'm 26 now, and nobody knows.

I don't know why this makes me feel guilty. Maybe awkward is a better word.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I love to team kill in online games.

I don't know, I just get the thrill from hearing people pissed off as hell. Maybe it's the fact that I can't enjoy games these days that fuels me to team kill.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I was about 10 years old when I broke my neighbor's window while hitting a baseball off of a tee. They asked me about it later, but I denied the poo poo out of it. They still haven't had it fixed for some reason.

I feel bad about it, because they were really nice to me. I'm now over 20 years old, and I feel like I should send a window repair man over to their house anonymously.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I masturbated to the "badly drawn futurama porn" thread

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have never confessed before, but hope with this confession to relieve some of the weight on my shoulders.

I take justice into my own hands.

If you have wronged anyone, I'll do everything in my power to destroy you. It doesn't matter if I don't know the person you betrayed. I don't attack people physically. I attack them through my network and my resources.

The retaliation fits the crime. I've blackmailed people with incriminating photos and made them suffer in silence. I have stolen passwords to e-mail boxes and blogs to destroy the relationships they mistreat and take for granted. I've participated in luring some into fake relationships and then spreading their private lives out for everyone to see.

Some people are permanently mentally damaged. A lot of them take anti-depressants. Some have threatened killing themselves or others due to the social complications. All of them understand why they were dealt with as they were.

The worst one, by far, indirectly resulted in a successful suicide. But that was a long time ago.

They all, in my eyes, have deserved it. I have no regrets about any of them. I think that these people don't understand what they do when they hurt people, and they need to learn before they do it again to someone else.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've regularly post[ed] drunk.

I masturbate to the livejournals and myspaces of girls I know. (the pictures obviously)

I stole a girl's underwear and jerked off on it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

While this isn't a deep, dark confession, it lingers over me greatly:

I'm 24 years old, a college graduate, and I honestly don't know my multiplication tables or division. I've tried recently and in the past to commit them to memory, but I've tried and they simply don't remain in my head. It sort of makes me feel like a fraud because a lot of the people I socialize with are scholarly folk and see me as a whiz with math. Only with a calculator nearby, however. Third graders can do this stuff, but I cannot for the life of me learn it on my own.

I'm going to interject here, I feel the same drat way about 4's 6's 7's 8's and 12's :cry:

I'm in college and passed College Alegbra with ease.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I voted your thread "1"

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I actually masturbate so often.. fingers are knotted. I never get real erection. Touching anything really doesn't encourage dick.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

There was one time I had met a girl and we hit it off pretty well. We decide to fool around for a bit. She goes down on me and starts playing with my rear end. She then sticks a finger up there and to be honest I liked it. I let her know and then she decides to put a dildo up there. I thought it was loving hot and probably the best blowjob I've ever got. I'm a straight man but when she did that I had one of the best orgazms ever.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I carved a hole in a pear and had sex with it. It feel really good, but I didn't come.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I continually reassure one of my best friends that she is an
intelligent person with wonderful taste and an original personality,
when in fact I think that she is a pretty shallow attention whore with
an incredibly hit or miss taste in music and style and will never be
as smart as I or many of her friends are. Just because she takes a
pile of AP classes doesn't mean she's all that intelligent, especially
when she get's merely average scores overall. I mean honestly, she
thinks Jethro Tull is one of the best things to happen to music ever
and that that crappy "Reefer Madness" musical is some incredibly deep
social commentary.

I think that I'm just trying to compensate for the fact that I
hoodwinked myself into liking her for longer than I should have by
complimenting her, justifying having wasted the better part of a year
on liking her.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 07:57

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was a kid, I would torture my little brother.
Not just "OMG I won't stop tickling you!!" stuff... I
mean "convinced him to yell "gently caress YOU" at our mom, so
he'd get his mouth washed out with soap." "Locking him
in the bathroom, with the light off (he was afraid of
the dark)." "Convincing him that the fan in the
bathroom was actually a monster that ate little boys
while they went poo."

Also, we all have that hot cousin, right? Well, when I
was a kid, my cousin taught me how to kiss. With
tounge. I don't consider this to be my first kiss.

I take interesting stories that I hear from my
friends, and take them as my own, and act like it
happened to me.

I am a cock-teasing attention-whore in public. Even in
the presence of my bf. He somehow doesn't seem to
notice.

I like doing sexual things in public. And I don't mean
grabbing asses. I mean
hand-down-the-pants-OMG-I'm-cumming sort of stuff.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forvige me father, for I have sinned.
I lied to a girl and pretended to be interested in her solely for sex.
I also use my previous volunteer work to pick up women at parties.
I will say 5 Hail marys

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for i have sinned. It has been 12 years since my last confession.

My fiance was having netsex with randoms off the net, so our sexlife has been non-existant, and in the last year i have developed feelings for a person I have never met. (thanks internet)to the point where if my partner asks for sex now, I daydream about this other net person instead.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Once I took panties from my mother's dresser and masturbated on them, then tucked them near the bottom of the dresser.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I like the smell of my own farts. Not in a wierd, sexual way. I just happen to think they smell pretty good.

C'mon, everyone knows that feeling. :ninja:

I thought.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I burnt down my house when I was 10. My parents lost everything inside, and we narrowly escaped. I have never told anyone about it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I had an online affair with a woman I met on an MUD when I was 11. I said that I was 27.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I broke into 16 cars during one night at a Ford
service training faculty. I made off with a trunk full
of ford diagnostic equipment and specialized tools.
I've never owned a Ford car.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once stole donation money my mom had gathered for homeless babies and used it to buy a PSP game.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:
I enjoy Fark more than Something Awful

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I\'m 19 and I pissed my bed two months ago. I drank like a liter of juice right before I fell asleep though.

Well, that's semi excusable.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have gone on to several library computers to see someone is already logged on to SA; so I post a banme thread to get them banned.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I gave my girlfriend HIV. I haven't told her about it yet.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 08:08

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am currently dating a 17 year old girl, and I am 20 at the moment. When I first met her a year ago we clicked very nicely. However, she was severely religiously and sexually repressed thanks to her uptight bible-thumping family. In the year that I have known her now, I've gotten her to question her faith to the point that she only attends church now because she thinks that the principles of the stories do people good, but doesn't really believe in any of it. When we first met, she said she would only kiss someone she was going out with, and that she wouldn't go any further than 1st base with a guy until she was married. After knowing her for 3 months, we were sucking each others faces off (not dating, mind you). After 6 months I was feeling her up. After 9 months I was fingering her. After 11 months I was going down on her. After 12 months she was giving me head.

Our relationship has been causing a huge strain on her family because I am adamently non-Christian and will always refuse to convert. I've been introducing her to new music and culture, the things that her family has been trying for so many years to shield her from. They say her more cultured self is loosing touch with God, there are constantly fights with the family, she wants to get out of the house as fast as possible, and the mother wants a divorce from her now second husband. All of those things aren't really directly my fault, as they started before I entered the picture. But my presence is speeding their family's demise up considerably.

I'll be buying her a vibrator in the next month or so, so she can keep intertained while I am away at university and can't visit. I'll probally be having sex with her in another years time, and we drat sure won't be married.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have hosed my bed a dozen times and a banana three times. I have used a dildo on myself probably six times. It didn\'t feel good, I just liked the idea that it was a dildo penetrating something.

This is my third confession and the night is young.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was a teen, I would take a condom and fill it with lube then place it between the matresses and gently caress my bed all night long.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I regularly check threads that I've posted in to see if anybody has
quoted me. I guess that I long for the approval and acceptance of
strangers.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I felt up a girl who was passed out, then proceeded to jack off on her

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 08:15

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

jbltk came out of the closet to say:

Burn him!

HEY! I report, you decide. :foxnews:

On to some more:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've masturbated to Powerpuff Girls porn

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Sometimes when I visit the Gas Chamber or Leper's Colony and see probations, bans, permabans and gassed threads delivered by Ozma and Mayor, I feel like making a GBS and FYAD topic calling them shitheads for their decisions and seeing which thread grows the fastest with people defending them.

I think Spokker is the best admin SA has ever had and wish he were still on the team.

I don't 'get' FYAD but still browse it occasionally for the porn threads. Those are the only worthwhile threads in the entire forum.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I know the next several years comprise the most important formative time for me personally and professionally. To successfully navigate through them requires more discipline and patience than I have. I need to establish a strict, harsh and comprehensive routine in just a few days, or I�m floating without a sail through still, open waters.
These years will not directly affect anyone else. I�m usually very good and reliable when someone is depending on me. Now, I need to get my act together and do something not because someone else expects me to do it, but because I know it�s the right thing.
This isn�t anonymous because I did something wrong. It is anonymous because it embarrasses me that others seem to get through comparable times with ease, and I�m still fighting for the resolve.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have genital warts and have had unprotected sex with at least 15 people since I discovered without telling them.

I have also had sex with men for money before.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Everyone in pet island is obsessed with this ugly sickly little dog. It has a horrible tilty head and it looks like it smells like poo poo. Maybe you've seen the sigfiles with her picture. Whenever I see the thread about its tribulations get bumped, I check to see if it is dead yet. So far I have been disappointed.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once was seeing a married woman who was much, MUCH older than me.
We hosed on her bed--once while she was on the phone with her husband
and then her kid. I still have a pair of her dirty underwear. She
was pretty hot, too; nothing like what you'd expect from a middle-aged
married woman. Tiny and in good shape. I don't know why her husband
wasn't loving her brains out every night, but he wasn't.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 08:25

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

Although I have been screening these, I thought this one was pretty funny, and honestly, who knows if it's true?

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

The only confession on here that disgusts me is the one about teamkilling.
Also, I stabbed Nicole Brown Simpson and framed it on the negro.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Since I was a teenager, I've been stimulating my rear end for sexual pleasure. First with my fingers, then with foreign objects. I have hosed myself using various suitably shaped bottles from the bathroom. I have also held the handle of an electric toothbrush to my anus and been stimulated without penetration that way. I once achieved orgasm with a miniature shampoo bottle from a hotel room inserted wholly into my rectum.

In addition to this, I've stimulated my penis orally. Despite not being flexible enough to achieve suction, I have on some occasions brought myself to orgasm using stimulation from my tongue, and subsequently swallowed the ejaculate.

P.S., I also became very aroused from reading the fan fiction story Agony in Pink (in which the pink Power Ranger is tortured to death by a sex sadist monster), and that alone troubles me more than anything I've done to/with my rear end/mouth.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned...

Last night I convinced a girl to take photos of herself naked and send them
to me. In return I masturbated on webcam for her. I don't even like her that
way, I'm just an exhibitionist.

Also, I peed in the holy water.

Dick!

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have tapeworms, and intentionally infected one of my friends with them because I hated him.

I told a girl I loved her, gave her flowers, and did many other things with her, but in truth I was just trying to get closer to her sister.

I would slouch really far in school chairs, so my knees could feel up the asses of girls in front of me.
I\'d also stick my elbows out in narrow rows, so passing girls would have to rub their bodies against them. I would later masturbate thinking about these things.

I was an early bloomer, and in elementary school flashed my boner at a girl I liked.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I like to piss everywhere but in the toilet in public bathrooms. I even poo poo on the floor, in sinks, and even in urinals. One time I poo poo in the garbage can of a porno store that had jerk-off booths.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I slept with my neighbor's husband several times and after he said we couldn't see each other anymore, I got really depressed and got drunk one night. I walked over in the middle of the night to go talk to him, and I saw his wife having sex with some other guy. I left a note for her, saying I saw her loving this other man, and I told her about her husband and I. They got divorced very soon after that, and never spoke to my family agin.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I like to dress up as a women and i'm a guy

Simple enough.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

A homeless man in a wheel chair approached my car when I was at a red light. I had my window down cause me ac broke and he came up to me asking me for money. I told him I didnt have anything on me, and he said that it was cool and then tried to pull himself into my car through the window. I freaked out and floored the gas and ran the red light, causing him to roll on the ground several times. I may have run his leg over...

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I like the feeling of poo poo going out my rear end.

You're stuck in the Freudian Anal Stage, seek help.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I work with a lot of pretty women at my job. I find myself gazing at them. Some of them do wear some revealing clothing and I zone in on cleavage most of the time. Most are married or at least in a relationship of some sort. I wonder if they notice me staring at their tits and rear end.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have tried to goatse myself. Several times.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I beat off frequently to porn where girls get dicks shoved down their throats til they puke.

I think i'm better than everyone because i listen to death metal instead of whatever music they listen to.

I miss my ex-girlfriend, she was a nazi and on the road to meth addiction but she was nice and when I hung out with her she was really fun, but i didnt talk to her because i was too much of a pussy to have sex with her, even though she was hot. I miss her a whole lot, too.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I started having an affair and it's spiralled out of control until now I'm living what amounts to multiple lives. I have so many secrets I'm amazed I manage to keep track of them all. If I ever get busted I could seriously end up on television like the guys who are secret polygamists, etc.

I could write a lot more, as the start of this situation is what's seriously made me into what amounts to a sex addict, but everyone's confession is pretty short.

If people want to know the details, and it could help someone out later in life to not make my mistakes, I'll mail again using this phrase in the subject line-
The Crow Road

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Though I almost hate her guts, I still masturbate to the though[t] of my
ex-girlfriend, dispite constantly denouncing her to my friends. She's
possibly the worst girl I've ever met, but she's probably the most
attractive person I'll ever date.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 08:39

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

Scaramouche came out of the closet to say:
While these bring out the schaudenfreudengruven in all of us I bet later in the thread when it slows down the OP will just start making up juicy ones if he hasn't already.

I'm having enough trouble keeping up as it is, I actually planned to contribute, as that's what gave me the idea for this thread, but haven't had time yet.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Remeber those pictures of Lowtax in Austrailia with his tshirt tucked into his shorts and his socks pulled up to his knees?

Jesus christ, what a loving dork!

Can I just say... I totally disagree.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I groom pets for a living and have jacked off numerous dogs before. (And
liked it)

I've even used my mouth once.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

One time I got excessively drunk and puked my brains out. I thought I was gonna die and it scared me. I couldn't fathom how they were gonna tell my 3 year old niece she was never going to see her uncle again. I also wanted to go home and tell my parents I loved them and I was sorry for being such a gently caress up.

I feel much better now.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

i believe that the world is going to end in a few decades, and its going to be incredibly horrible leading up to it. worldwide tyranny 1984 style, and the weather getting more and more eradic every year. People will turn into disgusting, soulless animals, murdering each other for their own survival. The seabeds will break open, spilling magma into the ocean, causing it boil. This will create an incredible amount of steam, which will block out the sun for a while. The heat in the ocean will cause horrific, Godzillaesque monsters from the deepest parts of the ocean, where all the radiation rested from nuclear tests, to emerge like CTHULU. They will destroy the coasts. as dormant volcanos inexplicably erupt, more tsunamis mount, record-breaking earthquakes destroy cities, government-created famines will run amok and it will end with a biblical flood when the equator becomes the poles and the poles become the equator, as our entire history is crumbled, smashed, burned and washed away to make way for a new cycle of humanity.

i utterly believe this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Killing_field has a few good ideas for his stories, but I think his execution falls short. I'd like to offer some criticism, but I'm too worried about everyone in on the "killing_field is perfect!" circlejerk getting mad at me. I think he is now too full of himself to improve his writing any further.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

One time, when I was about 14 or 15...still a virgin. I took a pair of my cousins panties and sniffed them while I beat it.

I sincerely hope all these people sniffing their relatives undergarments are at least doing it because their said relative hot.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've tasted my own poo poo before.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Of my 22 years on this Earth, I've been someone's "boyfriend" for roughly two months. The only reason I've ever been on a date is because a girl asked me out. I broke up with her because I didn't like talking to her on the phone.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Oh, this is the cousin panty sniffer..it happened on a camping trip. On that same trip I fingered a sleeping 14 year old

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Tell that guy that said \"The only confession on here that disgusts me is the one about teamkilling.\" to shut the gently caress up.

Shut up guy.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I spent an entire semester in a linguistics course literally staring down the pants of the fine young lady who sat in front of me. I aced the course.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm 23 and still have a security blanket.

I've masturbated with family members 5 feet away.

I used to masturbate by humping my pillow, every night, for years. I'd just come on it and leave it there to dry. My mom would wash it every few months, without saying anything.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've been with my boyfriend a long time, we're probably going to get married or something. Sometimes, though, I look at him and actually hate him. Sometimes I actually am disgusted with myself for letting him touch me. I think about sleeping with his friends. Most of the time, I love him, but then I can't help but wonder if I only do because he loves me.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 08:50

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:
I didn't send out any thank you notes for the graduation gifts that I
received. I love my relatives and I thanked them in person both for
the gifts they gave me and for coming to watch and celebrate my
matriculation, and I think that is enough.

At night, I can't sleep for the guilt at not sending the damned
letters, though, but it's far too late to send them now.

Argh, I can relate, and I was just almost forgetting it too, and now I wont sleep again. Thanks.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

Until my mid-teens, my family lived on about 11 very rural, wooded, acres. My friends and I used to have the best of times running around these woods and doing whatever the hell we wanted, because hey, they were our woods, right? Well one day when I was about 11 or 12, we were out exploring, and we found a water tank and corresponding water system on the outlying reaches our our property. Now, considering that I knew that this wasn't OUR water system, and that I knew that it WAS on OUR land, we decided to take drastic action. We went up to my dad's tool shed, and grabbed the two biggest pipe-wrenches that we could find, and proceeded to go back down to the spring and smash every single pipe that we could find. There were a lot of them. We hosed that water system up good.

Now the next day, I'm sitting at home, alone, when the phone rings. It's our nearest neighbor, who happened to own the parcel of land adjacent to us on the side of the now quite destroyed spring. He asks me whether my dad had been down to the spring recently to do any work, I freeze up, and tell him that no, my dad hadn't been down there in months. I gather, from the neighbor's pondering out loud on the phone, that the water system was his originally, and when my dad bought that part of the land it was in the agreement that our neighbor could keep his water system intact. Well, at least until we destroyed it, that is.

So for the rest of the afternoon, I paced back and forth between my bedroom and my parents room, all the while terrified that I would be found out, that I would be grounded, that I would be killed and fed to small animals, and such. I contemplated suicide many times on these paces, eyeing my dad's shotgun every time I walked into his room... Somehow, I calmed my nerves, and managed to not mention this incident ever again. I have to imagine that my parents know what happened, because eventually the spring got fixed. They have never, in over 10 years, brought this incident up, and one of these days, I'll mention it to them and find out their side of the story.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I liqui-shat my pants during a run in marine corps boot camp. My kill hat found out eventually, and I ended up cleaning the head for three hours under his supervision.

I also shat and pissed myself a lot while going to the head (still at boot camp) at 1 in the morning. I lost a lot of clothes because of this.

None of this happens to me anymore.

I am also a baptist.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have very conservative political views on almost everything, including homosexuality. Someone even bought me a custom title once regarding comments I made in D&D about gays and their lifestyle.

At least 50% of the porn I look at is gay porn, and I have had sex with men on more than one occasion.

This is why I made this thread. Thank you for submitting... no pun. I'm sorry.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I like to rub my dick in mustard. Don\'t ask me why...

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I bought platinum hoping guys would PM me and I would find a boyfriend on the SomethingAwful forums.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm 21, and I've done utterly nothing with my life. Every opportunity I've been given, I've shat on and ruined. I dream of getting fit, finishing my degree, and going through Marine OCS. I know, though, that it's entirely likely that I would wash out of Quantico and will remain an obese virgin for the rest of my life.

You should see 40 Year Old Virgin, I just saw it yesterday, hilarious. Oh and sorry about your dilemma and all.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I torture cats on a regular basis. Stray or cats that wandered from their homes.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Confession of a lurker.

I'm equipped with the typical sex drive of the
standard straight male who's ever looked at a pair of
breasts, but I'm WAY too addicted to female anal
pornography. About 95% of the time the only thing
that gets me off is imagining I'm licking rear end, loving
rear end, fingering rear end or rubbing my face between a pair
of sexy butt cheeks. In real life, oral or anything
standard will get me off, but in my fantasy world the
rear end reigns supreme and makes me most aroused. In
addition and to a greater extreme, I have a "slight"
scat fetish, but am not turned on by the idea of
eating it. I don't think about it all the time, but
if I'm feeling particularly dirty/kinky the idea of
smells will get me off. I have no idea where this
originated from, SERIOUSLY. I've grown up in a pretty
normal and healthy household, I'm just hosed up.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I actually hate lowtax, i like SA but i think that lowtax and everyone that runs SA needs to loving die, I think they are money grubbing whores that overcharge the poo poo out of people for dumb rear end poo poo that forum sites that are larger than SA give away for free, 9 bucks to put a loving picture under your name, what the gently caress ever! and dont' give me poo poo about "bandwidth" costs, cause i loving know by now they have their own dedicated line and they arnt' paying for bandwidth anymore, so they can take their little fuckign excuses and cram them stright up their loving asses, just make the goddamn membership like 3 bucks a month and give up the goods on all the features and quit charging for stupid poo poo, and i saw what i think was lowtax on "attack of the show" and i must say he's looks like a loving emo goth wannabe faghole!

KISS MY loving rear end LOWTAX, YOU LOW RENT gently caress SUCKING rear end in a top hat BITCH rear end loving LOSER, YOU COULDN"T TURN ON A BITCH WITH A LIGHTSWITCH YOU loving UGLY BASTARD, YOU LOOK LIKE SOMETHING AN IRISH MOTHER STICKS IN A POT TO BOIL FOR DINNER!!!

the rest of SA is cool though, however SA's creator can suck my loving balls, i really truely loving hate him.

Honestly, if mods don't want this stuff, and I would understand why. I wont post any more of these obviously if anyone indicates I shouldn't. I think It's worth the read though? By the way, I TOTALLY disagree. Also please inform me if anything like this is against forum rules for me to quote, I want to stay 100% forum legal here.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My grandmother had a stroke several years ago and she has never been
the same. It's been something like eight years, and in all that time I
have not once had an honest to goodness enjoyable moment with her. I
cannot call her on the phone or even talk to her in person the same as
I could when I was a child, because she is not that same person. Now I
think she is dying, she has begun to give up, not doing any physical
therapy to bring herself back to some semblance of normality. If she
dies, my grandpa will, too.

He cried because she has given up. He is the classic tough man,
veteran of war upon war, dirty jokes and that strange demeanor of mock
toughness. He never shows any vulnerability.

And he cried.

I've not cried since I tore myself up falling off of my bike when I
was a kid, and I get near about to when I think about it. Not because
I'm losing these wonderful people, these inspirations, their stories,
their lives, but because I'm afraid that if they do go, I'm never
going to get the chance to make it up to them by speaking with them
like they deserve. Even worse is that I can't even begin to tell this
to my closest friends and that I might not even have it in me to cry
anymore.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I got head from my best friend's girlfriend. My best friend is a goon

:dramabomb:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I visit fark solely for the boobies links.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I was babysitting this kid who was about 13 months old once, and he was
being a brat for the entire night. I eventually lost my temper and punched
him in the chest.

So you're the one on 60 minutes. This is one I really hope isn't true, or that it was a really light punch? How do you punch a kid in the chest?

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

TheSwami sucks. He's a liar, he's conceited and he sucks at the phone number game. I don't know why people feel the need to suck his drunk cock when he drags himself out of the woodwork like they do. I'm still waiting until his fifteen minutes of forum fame are over.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think that 90% of the punishments for mod sass are bullshit. The mods who issue them are abusing their powers to punish people who argue with them in a manner which is otherwise acceptable on these forums.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I love pre-op transsexuals. I find myself jerking it to tranny porn all the time. I fantasize about having sex with one and even being on the receiving end. I don't like guys or even masculine looking transsexuals. I like the very feminine looking ones. I've never followed through actually having sex with a transgendered person though.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I poo poo everywhere I can.

On my neighbors porches
On my neighbors cars. Hoods/Bumpers
On the seat of their renal tractors
On their window sills
On people's necks at parties who passed out.

In people's Drinks

Literally everywhere you can think of

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I lie to girls. Not little lies, but elaborate fake life stories I try to get them to hook up with me or set me up with their friends. I lie about sex, I lie about doing or not doing drugs, I lie about being molested as a child, I lie about what I\'m looking for in a girl, I lie about religion, I lie about mental disorders, I lie my loving rear end off and stay consistent.

This is the only way I get girls. When I\'m done with them, I cut off all contact and never speak to them again.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 09:05

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I hate my ex but can't stop thinking about the time we spent together, even 8 months after we broke up. Since then I mostly use women for sex and feign interest in them, including her cousin which I regret.

I'm also afraid swimming in water I can't see through which makes going to the lake an interesting trip with friends.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Last night a subordinate slept over in my room...and tonight I'm about to go
gently caress her best friend.

This isn't how I want to live.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've Jacked off a Dogg

When I was 17, I pulled back my cousins panties to see her pussy.

I have stolen, over the years, a considerable ammount of things from numerous people. Including 3 laptops.

I watch my neighbors loving all the time. I also watch the fatty next door undress after a hard days work, and make fun of her to myself in the dark about her flapjack titties.

I shot my neighbor in the neck with a bb gun.

When I first purchased said bb gun, I sat up in my treefort for a few hours pretending I was a commando. The treefort was on a hill overlooking my street. The BMW across the street from me beeped, started and drove at least 300 yards down the street before I squeezed off a shot while I lead the thing through my scope. I remember hearing a loud pop and screeching tires as the entire rear window shattered.

I was so scared I laid down but there was no chance he would ever see me.

I also used to go to the golf course and shoot at drunk drivers as they left the bar late at night.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Nothing that I have ever seen on the internet has ever truly disturbed
me. Nothing.

Climaxing dicknipples on a multi-breasted, hermaphroditic centaur
being anally raped by a dragon? Bring on the lolz.

That polio-stricken Goddess Bunny, tapdancing and looming toward the
camera? Haha, at least the poor girl knows how to make a living!

Harlequin babies? Kinda gross, but they look like cute widdle fishies.

Even that fyadlol video never made me sick to my stomach or creeped
out, just given me a morbid fascination to pause the video and see the
gross tortures.

The only thing that truly shakes me is myself, that nothing I've seen
has made any sort of lasting impact. I even tell my friends how
disturbing something is so that they won't realize how strangely
inured I am to all of it.

I won't even go onto ogrish for the chance that none of the terrible
depravities they have on file there will affect me.

Oh, and this is something like my eighth confession tonight, but I've
enough to continue for hours.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Dear TFR:

I was watching TV with some friends the other day and by gum, when
MacGuyver pistol whipped a neo-nazi with his finger inside the trigger
guard and the muzzle pointed roughly in the direction of his own head,
I laughed instead of shrieking in horror and bitching about the
dumbass writers.

Please forgive me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm really hosed up sexually. I waver between wanting to be totally humiliated forcefully by dozens of guys, to wanting to have sex slaves of my own. I'm bi and I have a kind-of girlfriend but I also can't stop thinking about men, and 99% of my fantasies are about them.

Also lots of the time when people write banme rants about dickish stuf the admins have done I agree with them but I never say anything because I don't want to get banned myself.

Also also, if I had the power to make people explode just by looking at them, a shitload of people would be dead and I wouldn't feel sorry at all.

I... think that's a Twilight Zone episode?

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think Lowtax is a poo poo poster. His frontpage articles are usually pretty good, but that's it. I don't buy the line that he's entitled to be so loving grouchy because he has to put up with a lot of other faggots. Boo loving hoo, grow a thicker skin and stop getting pissed off and running off to fyad with "gbs shits all over my thread waaa". I'm sure ozma, fistgrrl, omgwtfbbq, mayor wilkins etc all get retarded posts and questions, but they're not complete babies about it. Lowtax takes poo poo way too seriously (yes i know it's his livelihood, but even so) and then tries to convince himself and others that it's just lol internet lol and you're a fag if you take it seriously. Also fyad is an unfunny useless circlejerk parasite forum 90% of the time.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I tried to sleep with my mom while she was passed out drunk.

I used to wear diapers and masturbate in them.

I like to watch bestiality and want to gently caress a horse sometime.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I sold a pregnant woman four cigarettes for a dollar because I really wanted some gum.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I like to act like a girl in mmo's to get free items from horny geeks.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father for I have sinned:

Once I was on a long trip on a Greyhound bus. I was getting horny looking at a hot older chick wearing a tight shirt and her nipples were hard. I couldn't help myself and I went to the bathroom and rubbed one out.

Thats right, I jerked off in the back of a Greyhound bus.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

want to know how the girl who wrote

"I bought platinum hoping guys would PM me and I would find a boyfriend on the SomethingAwful forums."

is, so I can be her boyfriend. I'm entirely serious and I know its sad, but any girl being a goon is enough reason for me to want to loving marry her.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was in junior high, I attended a winter formal dance (as formal
as junior high dances could get) and was hanging out with some
friends. A boy came up to me and asked me to dance and I told him no
because he looked like a real geeky dork and I didn't want to be seen
dancing with him. I wish I could go back in time and say yes to him
because it must take a lot of guts to go up to a girl and ask her to
dance, and rejection at that age can be a big deal. It's kind of
insignificant, but looking back on it I really wish I said yes and
hadn't been so shallow.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was about 10 years old my friend who was 12 told his younger brother
(7-8) to lick his friends rear end. His little brothers friend (7-8) then pulled
down his pants and my friends little brother licked his rear end with a huge grin
on his face.

The kids face while licking the other kids rear end has haunted me for the last
10 years of my life.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to fantasise a great deal about having sex with my moderately attractive cousin. I enjoy insex videos very much, and would love to experiment with that kind of thing but I have no idea how I would find someone who was willing to come along for the ride. I'd post more stuff but I think it would become possible for some people to figure out who this is.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm a 20 year old virgin who masturbates around 3 times a day to hentai porn.

I thought there'd be more of these confessions to be honest.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

For as long as I remembered, I have always been attrached to older
men. I have since been intimate with a man, 3 times my age.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

bmevideo.wmv got me arroused

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Like that other guy, I was able to lick the head of my cock when i was about 14/15. I once put honey on it and sucked/jerked myself off into my mouth and swallowed. I'm too fat to do it any more but i would if I could.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was a kid, twelve or thirteen maybe, I would look at kiddie porn because I wanted to fantasize about being with people my own age. I didn't know it was wrong and wasn't concerned with the abuse those little girls must have gone through. I've often wondered what the legality of doing that actually is. I've come to the conclusion that it would be an underage person looking at porn, whatever the punishment for that is, and then the child porn charge. I don't think the judge would just let the two cancel out.

Quite the moral/legal predicament.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 09:18

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

A couple months ago, while I was still at University, I was walking down the stairs to the laundry room the morning after an evening of marijuana-hazed misbehaviour. I farted, but it wasn't just a fart - I actually shat my pyjamas. I went upstairs to throw away my pyjamas, wipe the poo poo off my leg, have a poo poo into a toilet, and put on my bathrobe so as to go downstairs and finally collect my laundry, which I'd put in the dryer late the previous evening.

The worst thing is that, while I was in my room putting on my bathrobe, I seriously considered posting a thread in GBS about my pants-making GBS threads adventure. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to do so anonymously.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm a guy but I hate being male. My entire life I've just felt like
there was something wrong and about two months ago I had a nervous
breakdown over it. I'm scared to change genders even though everyone
I know in real life is supporting of me and just wants me to be
happy. The truth is after realizing that I want to be a girl I've
been a lot happier in general with myself. I used to have to have
CONSTANT stimulation in order to distract myself from this issue but
now as long as I know I'm doing something about my gender problem I'm
able to be happy just existing. Being transgendered sucks; you're
damned if you transition and you're damned if you don't.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned...

Even though I'm engaged, there are at least 3 women I know that I
would still have sex with. I actually think of them most of the time
when I'm having sex with her, or when she's pleasing me. Don't get me
wrong, I love my fiancee, and the thought of not being with her kills
me... it's just that she's my first, and I really would like to screw
some other chicks before we get married, and while I'm still young.

I think Lowtax, and everyone involved in creating content for SA, even
though they are occasionally funny, are gigantic assholes. 85% of the
usual posters on SA are mentally deficient, without a shred of common
sense, or otherwise sub-par human beings. The 15% that are not
complete wastes of atoms more than make up for it, though. I feel the
same way about political and social conservatives.

I really, really wish there was such thing as magic, genies, fairies,
or any other wish-granting beings/abilities, because I really want to
be a superhero.

I feel worse for blind, deaf, or disabled animals than I do for humans
with he same afflictions. I really want their to be extremely harsh
laws for animal cruelty and abuse. It's not that I hate humans, but
that I think humans have the cognitive capacities to understand what
is wrong and are able to more easily live their lives, unlike most
animals. However, I do think Earth needs a cleansing, and humans need
a reality check - I want a lot of aliens to come down and kill lots of
people, if only to show humans that we aren't the boss of the
universe.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was like, 9 to 11, I was on a family vacation to yellowstone national park. We lived in south carolina or delware at the time, I can\'t remember which, so we were pretty far from home. We were on the road there or back or whatever and at a gas station and somebody left their coke unattended by the soda fountain machine. I put a bunch of pepper in it. It was at the top so i think they didnt notice and drank it down to the bottom and right at the end got pepper cola and it ruined their whole drink.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Sometimes I wish my dad would die just so that I could feel a wash of grief and at the same time, relief.

He's been a very heavy smoker forever, and even though he's not sick now, I know he's going to get cancer and die way too young. I just wish he would either stop smoking or just...stop being around.

I love him, but I hate him for not quitting. And I feel guilty about it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Me and my friends occasionally go to New Hope, Pennsylvania, where there's shopping and restaurants and stuff. We live in Yardley, PA, it's like a half hour drive.

Anyway we'll spend the day or afternoon or whatever there. There happens to usually be a lot of gay people there. So me and my friends will make fun of them.

But I secretly think a lot of the gay men and teens there are really hot and i would gladly have gay sex with them, and I consider myself bisexual.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I really wish I could believe in some form of god, but no matter how
hard I try, I can't.

I have not set foot outside of my apartment for the past week and a half.

I smoke and drink to help with my social disorders so that I can enjoy my life.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I caught one of my best friends dressed up like a girl when I dropped by his house just a few days before graduation. He was home alone and wearing his older sister\'s clothes. He looked passable, and, well, kinda hot. He ended up sucking me off and I came on his sister\'s clothes and his face. I haven\'t talked to him since.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have been a member of the forums for a few years and have made lots of online friends. None of them know I\'m a girl. I\'m afraid to tell them because they\'ll treat me differently.

Pimpsolo fucked around with this message at 09:28 on Aug 22, 2005

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 09:25

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think I'm in love with a female friend I've know for 7+ years. We met in grade 7, and now I'm heading into my second year of college. I didn't like her at first, then I learned she liked me, then I guess she stopped that foolishness and it was my turn to like her. Go figure. She was my "date" for high school graduation, and it was probably one of the best nights of my life. Hot chick on the arm, you always feel 100x better. We danced and whatnot, then went to an afterparty where she got tanked and I had to all but carry her out to her dad's truck when he came to pick her up (scariest moment of my life. "Hi, friend's dad... yeah, she's pretty blitzed... uhm... g'night!)

She wrote an email to her friends that night about how she'd be going out with me if not for her boyfriend (justifiable homicide!), which she showed me at her 18th b-day party. That ruined my night and I had cold shivers until I passed out after obviously drinking my brains out.

Fastforward a year and not much has changed, went to her 19th b-day party and was too much of a pussy to make a move (I'm scared as poo poo to ruin the friendship). I ended up emailing her best friend drunkenly (I was sober when I wrote it, but pretended to be drunk because I am a pussy) about it all and maybe she can help me decide what to do. Goddamnit.

That wasn't much of a confession really... so...

I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, haven't been on a romantic date, haven't been kissed. Girls scare me. I'm always the "friend".

Oh, and I have a growing hatred towards immigrants. Get the gently caress out of my country you retarded FOBs.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm an upper class nerdy whiteboy who listens to hardcore gangsta rap while playing MMORPGs.

That was so embarrassing I'm glad you posted it anonymously. I am listening to David Banner while posting on an internet forum, I don't think that's what he had in mind when he wrote this stuff.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm 19 and I still suck my thumb. It's placating.

I'm also a virgin, and I don't care about loving somebody. I just want
to know love. Even once.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have anxiety attacks everyday, sometimes several times a day. I
also think about killing myself frequently. I have told my mother
that I am extremely depressed and that I need help, but she said that
she thought I wasn't that badly off and would be alright if I just
gave it time. I don't think this is true and I really do need help,
but now I'm afraid to get it because I think people won't believe me

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

i have considedered taking crystal meth for weight loss purposes
For some reason I have an erection when reading about people getting executed especially medieval women getting beheaded like ann boleyn

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Sometimes, I think that I'm too young to be on SA all the time. I'm only 15. I feel like I should be out doing things with my friends, but for some reason, I always chicken out the day before we were planned to do something. I've even told my best friend that I got food poisoning instead of going up to his families cabin up in Tahoe. I spend most of my day on the forums, but maybe that's just because it's the summer.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was in fourth grade, we were playing a game of tag at recess which consisted of one person being "it" who you taunted with the regular schoolyard insults. When a girl was it, I called her a "lesbian" and she huffed off to this real bitch of a teacher, who then asked me if I knew what the word meant. I said I didn't, even though I did. I got a mark on my behavior card for name calling. There was a chart where you got a star if you had good behavior at the end of the week, and I erased the "NC" for name calling and changed it to "T" for talking so that I could still get a star at the end of the week. I showed those lesbians!

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a reputation as a ruthless cynic, but last year I began to believe in God again. I haven't told anyone. I don't think I ever will.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm joining the marines in a few months. When i first really made the decision to do so, one of the first things to cross my mind about being a marine, seriously, was --

"Hey, when the zombie apocalypse happens, I will be prepared."

And i loving meant it

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I really want to meet the other transgender people on here but dont know a good way to go about it.

I suggest not posting anonymously.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

That one 11-year old girl in japan with DD breasts is hot.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I consciously force myself to do mean things that I morally regret just because I like having a bad boy reputation. I lie, cheat, steal and demoralize people because of this. It scares me that it's starting to come naturally.

Last year I wanted to leave my girlfriend, but didn't want to break up with her, so I just stopped talking to her. The last time I saw her, I flat out told her to get out of my room. From then on, I would always catch her following me around, so I decided maybe she'd like me less if I did something awful to her, so I hosed her roommate and left while she was in the bathroom cleaning up with the hopes that her roommate would tell my ex what a jerk I was so she'd stop bothering me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I pirate video games and movies often and happily. That poo poo's overpriced, I'm not risking 80 bucks on the off chance some lovely game entertains me. If I like it, I'll buy it afterwards. Same for music. I just DL'd 5 Deftones albums because I don\'t have $100 to throw away. But I will likely end up buying 3-4 of them, so gently caress anyone who tries to pull the moral highground poo poo.

Also, to the girl who bought platinum hoping for PMs: you need to advertise to get a response, obviously! Post your email and watch the lonely-goon email-train come into the station. Or look me up

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I was having a dream about having sex with my (now) wife. I woke up grinding my hips against her... only it wasn't her. It was my dog.

Does this stuff really happen out of movies?

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

my personal politics are FAR left of where I usually admit they are, although I often (publicly and privately) despise far-lefties deep greens as being irrational fuckwits. On the other hand I often wish for the eradication of humanity, not necessarily painfully, but just through a virus that makes everyone sterile or something. I really despise people, and don't think the good they can do outweighs the evil they do, intentionally or not, myself included.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am an idiot and lost all my friends from high school in a drama-filled crapheap, and it's all my fault so I can't even post a satisfactory e/n about it.

I kind of like getting attention from people who know I'm a girl. Except when they're assholes about it, but people are dicks in real life too so the internet isn't really any different. And I try not to be really obvious about it because I don't want people to think I'm attention whoring.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 09:46

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

One day in preschool I wore nylons under my pants because nylons were fancy and I thought girls were supposed to, and I told a boy that I was wearing them and he wanted to see. I beat the poo poo out of him. Kicked his rear end. Probably destroyed every future relationship with a woman that he would ever have.

When they pulled me off of him I swore that he just told me to take my pants off and was trying to touch me. He almost got kicked out of the preschool.

My parents were proud of me for having such high morals and still tell the story with a smile on their faces. I deeply deeply wish that I could somehow find this guy and let him kick the poo poo out of me. I deserve it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Modern science is mostly flat-earth, prideful bullshit, and those who swear by it are stupid, stupid assholes.

I'll post this, but I want people to keep in mind that these are supposed to be more confessions, less anonymous opinions.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

this evening i promised to go to community service and play soccer with the poor kids, but instead i came home and whacked off to porn.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

i don't know how i will ever meet people since i finished college last year and i havent spoken to anyone since the day i left

and during my 4 years there i commuted and was never invited on a single social activity or made any friends i talked to any time away from class

Im so afraid of dieing alone
ps yes i am virgin

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm that baby-puncher, just wanting to say that the kid's fine, he's about
eight now and I still see him. And I was/am a loving rear end in a top hat retard, yeah.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have lurked FYAD every day for two years and never posted in it once. I probably remember more things about them than they do. Sometimes I think I could be friends with some of them, but I'm afraid to try.

I've also used jokes from FYAD to impress people in real life, and it worked.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I tried to "get rid" of my virginity ahead of time with a hairbrush handle when I was in 9th or 10th grade. I wanted it gone so the first time I had sex wasn't as horrible as I'd heard it would be. It didn't work, and the first time I had sex I bled a bit for two days. Otherwise I was fine.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have killed over 1000 birds in my neighborhood over the years. Out of boredome.

I shot a black kid in the rear end with a bb gun while he was walking home from school.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

tried to "get rid" of my virginity ahead of time with a hairbrush handle when I was in 9th or 10th grade. I wanted it gone so the first time I had sex wasn't as horrible as I'd heard it would be. It didn't work, and the first time I had sex I bled a bit for two days. Otherwise I was fine.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have over 400 Megs of furry porn on my computer.
My friends are Goons.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am a horrible hypocrite. I love my girlfriend like nothing else and if another guy as much as smiles at her, i want to break his face in half. I am a jealous bastard, but at the same time i flirt with other women all the time. I do everything that i would hate to see in my girlfriend and i hold myself to other standards than other men. I don't know how i can love my girlfriend and still catch myself looking at other women. I guess it's how we're put together. Yay for darwinism.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm straight, but I like my work a hell of a lot more than anything
involving a woman.

I can't stand how stupid the average gbs poster is.

The movie "March of the Penguins" is the first thing to make me cry in
over seven years.

I have an unyielding, irrational fear of being drafted. Sometimes I
can't sleep for fear of being conscripted.

This actually makes me feel better.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 09:57

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Original mom/half-sister molestor here.

I'd also like to add that I've blown through $100,000 of inheritance
money in the past 3 years. While I have around $100K more that's not
in my control at the moment, I'm about broke. I haven't worked in 2.5
years and I've pretty much lost my will to do anything but eat, play
online poker for playmoney (and taking it way too seriously), and
reading SA. I'm a highschool dropout who, if I'd applied myself,
probably could've gotten an adademic scholarship to a variety of good
colleges. I'd kill myself, but I'm too chickenshit.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

i've been reading the forums almost every day even though i was permabanned over 3 years ago...im so addicted and pathetic.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Every day I think up a new way I could die. I've never felt right living in this world but I can't kill myself because of my family and few close friends and how it would impact them, so I dream of my car rolling on the highway, or getting an inoperable brain tumor that will take my life as it grows, or any number of other ways. This happens even when I'm happiest, and around those making me happy and causing me to enjoy what I have. I don't even truly believe in God but sometimes I want to pray to him for death just in case he is out there. If you knew me in real life you'd never guess.

Just let me out of this place, please.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

when i was 8 years old i stole a playboy from my local newsagency.
eventually i started to feel really guilty about it and tried to set fire to
the magazine by putting it in the fireplace and trying to light it with a
match but it wouldn't burn so I stuffed all the blackened pages into a bag,
went out into the park and through it over some random house's fence.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I fantasize about kidnapping young, underage girls
(14-18) and torturing them in a hidden basement. I
would keep them tied with rope for months, rape them
with knives or my fist, whip them all day, cut them
all over their face and eyes with sharp blades and
impregnate them. I would then kill the babies in front
of them. I also fantasize about drinking their blood
and eating their meat raw.

On the other hand, I also fantasize about being a
sickly, fragile, petite woman and getting raped from
my early childhood by many people and by imaginary
family members. I get turned on by the emotional pain
that I "live" during these fantasies.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I intentionally made holes in condoms in attempts to get my girlfriend
pregnant. When i succeeded i ditched her and she was forced to drop
out of high school. She was a good student but is now heavily
additcted to meth while i am enjoying myself in college. I cant help
but feel a little guilty.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:
I'm a thief. I steal music, software, and items from work. Stealing music is a crime but everyone does it, so why is stealing something that comes in a box any different? The only reason I'm not robbing banks or attempting to steal more expensive items is because I'm afraid of being caught and exposed to my friends and family. I care that other people think stealing is bad, even though I don't.

I also think I'm better than my peers. Out of all my friends maybe 2 are on the same intellectual level as me. I have fun drinking and partying with most people, but I secretly consider them to be stupid and immature.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I feel really guilty every time I get high, butI still do it, and I get angry when my friends do it without me. Then I get high with them, and I can\'t look myself in the mirror because I feel so bad about having done it

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I was raped by a friend at 15. I was kind of asking for it because we were both naked and i was showing him my rear end. I was really curious and horny but it hurt too much so i asked him to stop. this has kind of hosed me up and i have told some people but i usually tell people that i was raped and leave it at that. i leave out the part about how i basically invited him to gently caress me. i never talked to him again and i ran home in the middle of the night. it damaged a relationship with a mutual friend that i had known all my life but whether he knew what happened or not i just kind of stopped talking to him. sorry pal.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I photoshopped an elf pr0n picture and masturbated to it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I cant see why Lowtax just can't loving send things out on time. All the time there are threads on SA complaining about massively delayed goods. Hey Lowtax, if you can't get poo poo out on time, stop selling merchandise and happily taking peoples credit card and paypal info.

Confessions, not open invitation to tell people off, specifically Lowtax.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

In the past two weeks I've spent a lot of time (~40 hours) with my friend's girlfriend, partly because we have the same main hobby, partly because I enjoy watching other guys give us jealous looks while participating in said hobby, and partly because I'm hoping that the beer shared around the campfire will lead to sex in the tent.

Oddly enough, I wasn't previously attracted to her before the summer.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I really have a thing for pre-op transsexuals. I feel guilty about it because I read some message boards for trans people occasionally and know how much poo poo they have to go through. The last thing they need is perverts like me viewing them as sexual objects. And they all pretty much think people like me are big ol' creeps anyway, which I probably am.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to deal acid. I used to be addicted to coke. I used to be a stripper. I wasn't very good but I made a lot of money. My name was Brooke. I really really like you but you went away forever and its tearing me apart. I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD PART OF THIS ALREADY BUT DAMMIT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MOVE? Sometime we believe what we want to hear. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. If you read this give me a call or something because I miss you more than I let on.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

came to something awful expecting to be made a writer. I still think I'm funny enough to be one. I'm still a little pissed I'm not.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My parents sold their car, but I have a copy of the keys, just in case I ever need a disposable vehicle.

I taught myself how to hotwire all the GEM electric cars on my college campus. I've wired some of them to start when I insert a paperclip into the dashboard, rather than needing a key. I've taken them all off-roading, covering them in mud. I even flipped one, and ditched it.

I'm guilty of stealing the badges and external trim off of various vehicles, because my car needed them. I need new bumpers...

I always carry a box cutter with me. After 9/11, it has become a symbol of power or something.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I wish my girlfriend would wax her rear end. She's hot otherwise.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I hate to see other people do well with the opposite sex. I sabotogue my friend's relationships and always try to interfere or embarass them when they are flirting.

Hahahhhaha, man.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Mayor Wilkins is a fucker. He\'ll gas threads/ban people if his whiney e-buddies get called out for being retards. It\'s a pity that he\'s so good at writing rants, because they\'ve swayed pretty much all the moronic SA hordes onto his side.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I know who the backup accounts for a variety of permabanned users are. I'm not telling, though.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 10:37

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Last month during my family reunion, three of my cousins and my self were sleeping in a two person tent.

All of us are in our twenties, One was female, a second cousin, daughter of a adopted aunt.
My cousin Brandon left the tent at about 7ish, soon after that I woke up to find Andy and Kali humping like rabbits next to me. I just went back to sleep.
It was nice of them to wake me up when the still looked all flushed and sweaty.

Also Kali\'s mother is trying to hook up her other daugher \"who is married and has a kid\" with Brandon and is not to conspicuous about it.

I wouldn\'t mind hooking up with either of them.

I find it all too hilarious.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I shamelessly stole this thread idea and used it at another board.

And I still haven't gotten any responses.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was an early teenager, I spent winter nights running around my yard and block nude, because the thought of being an exhibitionist turned me on. Among other things, I would roll around in dirt, run, and invent games to play that involved me sneaking by my neighbours' homes. I've jerked off in the middle of the street behind my house on a number of occasions, and I once took a poo poo in the middle of the backyard, while on all fours, because I thought it would be interesting to poo poo like an animal.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once fapped in a police car... when I worked as a police officer.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I'm horny and away from school, I fool around with a girl whom I used to be good friends with. Ever since though, I've taken to using her more for sex than anything else. She's fat and not particularly attractive, but she thinks I'm sexy and enjoys sucking me off. She's older than me, and I like the feeling of being cradled against her body, especially if I'm naked and cold. In the past, I had given her head on a couple occasions, but I've only admitted it to a single person since. Now, I stick purely to kissing and dry loving, until she's ready to blow me. I let her swallow, but I never return the favour. I don't feel that I need to.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm fairly certain that in the next few months, someone who is definitely less qualified than I at my job is going to get promoted over me because she's more outgoing than I am. Even though I really need the money and would have trouble finding another job, I'm seriously contemplating quitting in protest if this happens, because of how much it pisses me off. I don't know if I should feel bad about this attitude.

Sometimes, I think it would be cool if really bad things happened (like terrorist attacks) because my life isn't interesting enough, and I'd like something novel to talk about.

Also along those lines, sometimes I wish for some sort of apocalyptical event so that I can start my life over and maybe shoot some people too.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Sometimes, when I'm with my ex-girlfriend, it strikes me that I'm stronger than her and could easily force her to have sex with me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a box of pictures and things that my ex girlfriend gave to me 4 years ago. My current girlfriend would be extremely angry if she knew I had this. Every once in a while I'll open the box up and think about calling my ex, but then I remember that my current girlfriend is so much better and the ex is a conniving oval office bitch.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I laughed when I watched the planes hit the WTC live (?) on Discovery. My friend was watching it at the same time too, using ICQ to keep a conversation. My friend came over to watch it together after a while, and we ended up calling up friends and having a laugh about it.

I wished at the time that I had some popcorns at home.
(I don't regret laughing about it because it was a well-deserved event)

P.S; I'm totally going to get the FBI on me as I actually read the terms and conditions for the anon-emailer and saw "UNLAWFUL USE

Users are expressely denied the right to use this site for any unlawful or criminal activities including, but not limited to, any activities in connection with terrorism, child abuse, or child pornography. Users are also denied use of this site for sending unsolicited commercial emails (SPAM), and US residents are reminded that they must conform to the requirements of the CANSPAM act."
D.S.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am a soon-to-be-22 year old virgin. I've made out with a chick but we never took it further. I've had phonesex with a bunch of girls (and masturbated for a few on cam) but they all live too far away. One time I had phonesex with a girl, about 4 years ago, I was doing it and masturbating in my parents bed.

One time I was playing doctors with the girl next door, she took me into the bathroom and made me touch her pussy. 17 or 18 years later and its the closest I've got to sex.

I have tasted my own cum on more than one occasion. I'd bend over and try to suck myself off. Sometimes I could get the tip of my tongue to touch the head of my cock, but thats about it. In frustration I would jerk myself off and cum in my mouth. I only did this a few times ...maybe 2 or 3, about 7 years ago.

Once I tried to stimulate my prostate because I heard about the "male G spot" -- in the end I ended up sticking a metal spoon up my rear end, which had poo poo all over it.

I am currently in a long distance relationship with someone, but every now and then I fantasize or look at pictures of people I am no longer involved with.

I've masturbated to The Terminator. And Hot Shots 2. And Speed.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am 24 years old and have never even kissed a girl. I still live with my parents. I did two years of college but quit going even though I had a 4.0 GPA. There is something wrong with me where I purposely try to screw things up for myself. I make appointments and then don't go. I fill out my tax forms every year but do not mail them. I don't even cash my paycheck sometimes. I don't know why I do this but I cannot stop even though it is ruining my life. I have no friends and rarely leave the house. I do not know how to have a proper conversation and when meeting new people I end up feeling awkward and trying to leave. I cannot talk to anyone about myself ever. I tried seeing a psychologist several years ago but even though I knew exactly what I wanted to say to him I couldn't ever get anything out and eventually I just quit going. I have several medical problems, including what is probably an early sign of cancer but I know that I would be unable to talk to a doctor about anything and therefore have not seen one. For the last three years I have been planning to kill myself on my 25th birthday, which is about six months away now. I got a firearms license and a shotgun a year ago and am still planning on going through with it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My ex-girlfriend fell for another guy while we were dating, in a way that was more emotional than physical. I still hold it against her, even though I\'ve done worse than her both before I found out and afterward to make myself out to be as bad as her. I\'ve since masturbated to the thought of her loving him and find a strange complusion to be cuckolded.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I cannot stand most GBS posters and often find myself saying "god, shut up you loving moron" while reading threads. I also think 90% of e/n threads are godawful livejournal bullshit and have no place on SA.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Having sex with girls is really, really boring to me. I'm "homely",
paid to post on forums and enjoy terribly nerdy pastimes but I can still
talk to girls with ease, and as all girls are sluts this means that
about half of them end up fancying me within a few weeks of meeting.
This is all very flattering but screwing away for twenty minutes just to
get an orgasm and two sweaty, shagged-out sacks of humanity stinking up
my room doesn't seem worth it. I almost always end up ignoring them for
a while so when I reinitiate contact I'm firmly in The Friend Zone and I
can't believe I pass up sex with occasionally really pretty girls
voluntarily simply because I can't be bothered. Even when I'm in
serious, loving relationships having sex is something I don't really
enjoy, but I do it anyway as she expects it.

I also used to fake attacks of cystic fibrosis to get off PE lessons at
school. That still makes me cringe, fortunately getting caught
synthesizing tri-nitro toluene in chemistry proved more memorable so
it's a private embarrassment.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 11:05

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

It's 6:10AM where I live, I haven't been to bed yet. I haven't paid my college tuition and the final due date is today and if I don't pay it my classes are all dropped, and I'm not really sure how it's going to get it paid and I'm afraid I will sleep through the entire day today and not get to any solution at all meaning my classes will be dropped and I'll miss an entire semester. We'll see.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 11:08

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

Yeah the plan is to not sleep, and hopfully only leave the forum to go to school for however long it will take to see if there's some sort of loan or extention I can get immediately. Also, if I missed a confession (I have been getting a ton), it's most likely it was ridiculously fake, or hmm let's find one "HELO DONG LO!L EAT poo poo FOR BREAKFAST ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG." Or the really really off chance possibility I somehow skipped over it, thinking I already posted it, in which case there's really no way to post it without me knowing your terrible terrible secret, unless you reword it heavily or something, really sorry about that.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I\'ve killed a man and raped a woman. I wasn't arrested for either crime, and both have much to do with my lovely childhood and living most of my teens homeless or in "temporary" foster care.

The guy I killed was quite evil, and this I remind myself in order to cope. He was at least 30 years old and made a living preying on runaways, especially young boys for whom he had a perversion. He managed a cheap hotel where you could stay for as cheap as $5 a night if you didn't mind sleeping next to others. It was a horrible place with the first to top floors being rented monthly, and the dailies in the basement. The basement wasn't even legally rentable, but was old kitchen facilities converted to a few dens. And by "dens," I mean pick your poison and don\'t walk barefoot.

Anyway, one night the rear end in a top hat siezed the bags of myself and a friend and started looking for anything to steal from us, and he did so right in front. I snapped and jumped up and stabbed him in the side of the neck, and then many more times. In remembering this, it isn\'t the act or the blood or the look on his face that makes me woosy, it was the feeling of my knife hitting bone. There\'s nothing I can even remotely equate to that feeling.

The rape occured later, when I was essentially living in a car and let a female friend sleep in the back seat. She wouldn't give it up, and one night I was toasted and crawled in the back and went to town. She didn't fight but was crying the whole time and I justified it to her by saying that, for all I was doing for her, she should have expected it. Besides, she previously would suck cocks for a few cigarettes and I was mad that I was giving her a lot more than that and she wasn't reciprocating. I deeply regret it, but that event in a nutshell demonstrates being a teenage runaway. She didn't move out, either, but stayed for some weeks later and would often offer to blow me.

While I am a now docile person and none of my present friends would suspect it, I'm greatly turned on by violence and sex. It's not even a sexual thing, really, but I am afraid of losing control and thus don't drink to excess or use drugs, even legal ones.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've always been interested in death, or in the after-life, if there is a so-called 'afterlife'. I would just love to tell friends and family, if they have the same common astonishments about life after death, but I'm afraid they might think I'm suicidal and they might assign me to get some help or something like that.

Sometimes, I wish I would die, then just come back to life all of a sudden, just to see if anyone cared about my death, to see if anyone would mourn a lot. Its just a curiousity I've always had.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was in third grade, we had this retarded girl at our school named Sarah. We had a whole class of retarded kids, but Sarah was our favorite. And by that, I mean we bullied and picked on her whenever we could. We hated her because she was mentally handicapped. We would laugh and loudly tell jokes about her, we would imitate her gimpy walk, and we would throw things at her in the cafeteria. Sometimes, we would sit on the big round jungle gym and look around the playground for her, and when we saw her, we would yell SARAH ALERT SARAH ALERT and climb inside. If she came near us, we would throw pieces of trash at her and pretend we were machine-gunning her until she left. One day, after school, when my friend and I were coming out of Cub Scouts, we found her jacket in the sandbox. We dug as deep as we could in the sand and buried it. She never found her jacket and she eventually transferred to another elementary school.

It wasn\'t until she transferred that I felt guilty. But then I started to feel unbearably guilty. All I could think about was seeing the world from her broken perspective, and seeing these big mean boys making fun of her and laughing at her disabilities. I cried over it. I was a wreck for a while. I was sure I was going to hell.

I decided the only way I could redeem myself was to volunteer my recesses to help the retarded class. We volunteers would pair up with them and walk them around the playground, making sure they didn\'t trip over rocks or eat bugs or anything. I hated every minute of it. They would always be trying to do stupid things, like one time this kid saw a rotting dead bird up against the fence and tried to pick it up. I saw him going for it, and I had to swat his hands away and push him away from it. He cried because I pushed him, and I had to calm him down by singing the Oscar Meyer song. Sometimes, I would have to wipe drool off their faces with a napkin.

I could tell a few more stories but they all have the same basic premise of kid from the GATE class (Gifted And Talented Education) following a kid from the special ed class around the playground as they stumbled and drooled and pissed their pants. I never felt like it was enough. Whenever I wanted to stop doing it, I would just picture Sarah\'s face, wet with tears as she ran away from the jungle gym; just trying to make some new friends, and being horribly rejected. I did it for monthes and finally I just couldn\'t take it anymore.

I still don\'t feel like it was enough. I want to find Sarah and apologize to her. I want to hug her and beg her for forgiveness. But she and her family moved and I have no idea where they went. I can\'t come to terms with the mean things I used to do when I was a kid. I try to tell myself that I was just a stupid kid who didn\'t know any better, but then I remember I was in gifted classes all the way through school, and I have an I/Q of 153. I DID know better.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm only in this open relationship with a friend of
mine because he has a huge dick.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've seriously thought about loving my cousin

She's 8.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Cats like the taste of ear wax.
When I was a young hairless teenager I rubbed my own earwax on my
inner thighs and let the cat lick them for erotic pleasure.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I pushed a shopping trolley through a shop window late at night, then hid and watched the police and then the owners get increasingly frustrated as they could find nothing to incrimiate anyone.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am a 20 year old lonely virgin who's never been kissed by a girl. I'm not fat, ugly or deformed in anyway. I have no real confidence, and I'm a hermit. My school life was complete hell, everybody bullied me on a daily basis.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Ozma is one of my favourite posters on the entire forum and I really wish I could say hi to her somehow but I\'d probably just get laughed at.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned...

I regularly check the "erotic services" section of Craigslist along with other erotic service website, trolling for cheap escorts -- even though I've never purchased one's services and never will.

The only reason I do it is to troll for home invasion and blackmail victims. But I only target the ugly ones -- because a 300-plus-pound, cheddar-cheese-blooded mammoth "BBW" doesn't have the right to charge $250 for a half-hour. No loving away.

I have turned their names, addresses, credit card numbers, and personal information -- including the backgrounds of their upscale, executive clients -- into a salary. I may never have to work again. I am quasi-pimping these bitches and I will never, ever stop.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

in high schol i let two guys tag team me in the mouth and rear end when we were drunk at a party, then black mailed them over two years for weed

both of their dads were very texan and wouldve killed them if they knew

i kept letting one of them gently caress me during the two years but told the other one his dick was too small

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I watched some stupid reality show earlier today, trading spouses I think it was. Anyway there was a dad and his son and they both spoke with really think cajun accents and I still think it was the most awesome thing I ever heard.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think it's been around four months since the last time I did my laundry. I know i sure as hell haven't done it all summer, and I can't recall when the last time was before then.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Im not gay, Ive been with girls before and enjoyed it very much. But sometimes I fantasize about older men and regurarly download porn that has older men pornstars in it. I dont get turned on by gay porn and the thought of someone loving me in the rear end completely turns me off. I dont think this qualifies me as even being Bisexual. Its a weird fetish I have.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I went to a small party, did a bit of the drinking. Ended up making out with my ex-gf\'s roommate, Sarah, and another chick at the same time. The hostess told us to take it to her bedroom. Sarah was feeling it but the other girl was down.

Other girl had sat on the couch the whole time of the party. She was pretty cute but had a blanket around her and pillow in her lap throughout the party.

We got to the bedroom I found out why. We got naked and started fooling around. I had my face between her legs when my eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness. I looked up and couldn\'t see her face. It seemed that her stomach was in the way. But wait, this girl wasn\'t fat, she was loving pregnant.

I ate out a pregnant girl.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father for I have sinned. This is my first confssion in my entire life.

I have explicitly used a girl for sex and only sex on more than one occasion.

I have urinated upon a girl.

I have posted drunk multiple times.

I have used women as objects more than once, and treated them as means to a sexually gratifying end.

I keep secrets from people I know constantly.

I diddled a drunk girl once. She had said she wanted me beforehand (while sober), and then once while she was really drunk, I diddled her under the guise of helping her vomit. (I am truly ashamed of this)

I have had an easily curable sexually transmitted disease.

I have denied ever having a sexually transmitted disease.

I have led girls on only to later deny them sex for my own amusement.

I once stle donation money for war veterans so that I could order pizza to my workplace.

I have had sex with a girl more than four years my junior, which (at the time) made her legally underaged.

I am an unrepentant procrastinator. This has lead to me meissing out on many opportunities, and also getting poor grades in post secondary education.

I have caused multipe girls to cheat on their respective boyfriends.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 11:24

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Everytime there's a post made by a girl in the forums, I would, without fail, check out their profile hoping for a pic and possibly even an MSN address or an AIM screenname.

I make a lot of friend of the family jokes in real life, they're not particularly funny, but being offensive is a substitute for a good joke nowadays, I guess.

I cheat in almost every game I own (only in the single player parts). It's not that I suck at games, I'm pretty decent actually. But I just hate dying and possibly backtracking.

Like that other guy, I like the feeling of poo poo passing through my rear end. Once, I actually only ate food that has dietary fibre for a whole day, just to see if I could get my poo poo to be harder.

I confess that some of these confessions are hyperbole.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm currently a 16 year old goon, but I found the joys of porn at the ripe age of 11, three years before I started reading SA. During these times, I enjoyed anything that I looked at that had tits, and I masturbated to furry porn and hentai multiple times at this age. I grew out of it (the furry porn and hentai, not general porn itself) a few months later, but I still feel horrid at myself for this and needed to get it off my chest.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

accidently stole a guy's jacket from a bar once, and I'm pretty sure I know whose it is but I really like it so I never gave it back.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm a pedophile. Not a child molestor, just a pedophile.

I think that the vast majority of people would be ok with me being
beaten to death if they knew the things I feel and think. I know
that my own parents would probably disown me if they knew who I was.

I daydream all the time about having someone who accepts me for who
I am. I desperately want someone to love me. I want someone to
make me feel like it is ok for me to be me. But I know that I'll
never find that.

I know I won't find that because first of all, people like me are
hated. And then also, because I'll never give anyone even the
slightest hint that I have any interest in boys. Hell, for me,
even the fact that I listen to Morrissey is a secret that I've
never told anyone.

Being accepted is the one thing that I desperately want. I can't
make myself care about anything else. But I know there is nothing
I can do. I barely have the willpower to get up for work every
day. Living like this is more than just a little stressful. I
wonder what kind of toll that stress can have on a person. I have
no idea how emotionally hosed up I'm going to be 20 years from
now.

Wow, I find this very interesting, no joke. It's interesting to get this perspective because it's a perspective that can almost never be heard. This thread is worth it, if only for this post. Good luck. (Not to take anything away from some of the other amazing confessions, such as the person who killed and raped. I just wanted to point out you never get to see this perspective, and it's a fellow goon.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.........

The one thing I regret in life is when I cheated on a girl I loved.

One a night when I was 20 I hosed my then-girlfriend in the back of
my car. I dropped her off at home and went to see some friends. Me and
this girl were pretty good friends already but there was a ton of
sexual tension between me and her. I ended up driving her home at the
end of the night and she asked me out of the blue, "Do you wanna
gently caress?"

What the gently caress do you say to something like that? Long story short, she
showed me a secluded spot to park and we went at it in the back seat
of my car. As she was going down on me she said she could taste my
girlfriend and that it turned her on. That was the most hosed up poo poo
I had ever heard in my life at that point, but it turned me on even
more and I hosed the poo poo out of her and took her home.

It was good sex, but it killed the beautiful relationship I had with
the girl I loved. I still think about "what-ifs" to this day, nearly 6
years later.

I also went out with a girl-goon for quite awhile. She was a-bit crazy
but she was great in the sack.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

While one of my close female friends was sleeping I felt her rear end up, tried to snake my hand into her panties and tried to touch her breasts. Multiple times. I knew she would know but I still couldn\'t help my hands. I knew I would get caught and that it wasn\'t worth it but I still did it. I apologized to her only days later, through email because of how much a coward I am. She was angry but forgave me but now it\'s always going to be awkward whenever we meet. I regret it everyday and I feel like I cheapened my existence. I thought I was a good person before but I\'ve shown that I\'m not. It\'s still sexual abuse no matter how I look at it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My last
confession was nine years ago.

- I bought my first gun when I was 13 after I got my
rear end stomped by gangbangers. It was a Beretta.
- There is only one person I am 100% positive died as
a result of my actions. He was close enough to blow
his last breath in my face. I was 14 and it was over
drugs.
- I had an affair with a married woman.. who was older
than me.. who lived two states away.
- I've moved pounds upon pounds of meth, ganj and coke
all over the western half of the US.
- I've stabbed people. I've shot people. I don't feel
bad about it but I'm not proud of it. I just accept
it.
- I'm tired of looking over my should everywhere I
loving go. Sometimes I think I'll see people from my
past and I'll freak out. Sometimes a car will "follow"
me and I'll take evasive actions, running stop signs
and lights and turning erratically. I hate it.
- Me and my buddies have stolen probably about 10+
cars.
- Stealing things.. anything that's not nailed down..
is pretty much second nature to me.
- Me and a few of the boys hosed up a good friend of
mine when he tried to stiff us on our cut. We found
out he'd been doing this all along. He ended up at the
hospital with a cracked skull. We aren't friends
anymore, obviously.

I got out a little more than two years ago. It hurt.

I've led a double life and I've never been able to get
close to anyone due to this. The few people I actually
do tell about these things think I'm full of poo poo.
Can I really blame them? It sounds off the wall, but
it's my life, sadly.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 11:40

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I pretend to be a woman online to see naked pictures of girls and wives naked/loving/etc. I have a good cover story, complete with pictures, backstory, etc. and I\'m GREAT at it. I mean no harm by it, I have not and will not ever use the information I have against these people, and every one has enjoyed what I appear to be. It just turns me on so much to do this. One time I got a video of a couple, and it was hot enough to make me have the best orgasm of my life. Sometimes I feel bad and want to stop, but I feel compelled to do this often. My sex drive controls me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

This better had be anonymous
Neither of my flatmates knows I have slept with the other one.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am secretly infatuated with the band N'Sync. I know all the lyrics to Bye Bye Bye and It's Gonna Be Me, and I have .mp3 recordings of me singing them on my computer. Its gone so far as to have a guild I was in on SWG make an N'Sync music video to the tune of Bye Bye Bye, and I listen to N'Sync nightly, and I can only hope that N'Sync comes back together to combat this reborn Backstreet Boy menace.

This isn't a gimmick confession, I really do love the hell out of N'Sync.

It might sound crazy but it aint no lie.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have some weird, sexual skeletons in my closet.

When I was 6 or 7 years old, I used to convince one of the neighbor
kids to take off his pants. He was a year or two younger than me. I
wasn't attracted to him and I wasn't sexually stimulated by it, but I
don't know why I did it. My younger sister sometimes was part of it
and we thought it was funny.

I convinced a separate neighbor (at roughly the same time), to pull
her pants down in front of about 5 people in the front yard of one of
my friend's houses. Her parents found out and we all got in trouble
but it wasn't mentioned again.

Currently, I'm 25, and I haven't had much experience with women and
I'm still close to my younger sister. I fantasize about her sexually
sometimes. She has a very attractive body and we get along very well.
We can talk about anything, and we usually do. She once caught me
peeking a glance at her through the keyhole to the bathroom when she
was taking a shower. I was humiliated but she said she understood and
wouldn't speak of it again.

In 2003 I went through a "crazy" period and was locked up in two
different hospitals on three different occassions for attempted
suicide. I was attention whoring, but I was legitimately ill. I'm
doing better now, I feel like I escaped most of my trauma by just
staying away from doctors.

If any of the people in my regular discussion group on the forum found
out about this, I wouldn't be able to show my face again.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I give decaf to customers who are rude to me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

A couple of years ago I fought it out with depression, coupled with a
large load of pure teenage angst (to the point where I got kicked out of
home 3 times, I thank my parents for putting up with my bullshit back
then and accepting me back), it also got to a point where my high school
called up my parents to recommend I see a shrink. Did that, didn't work.
This was all up until about 2 years ago, where I decided being depressed
and finding the bad things in life to be a total load of bullshit. I
decided it was time to find things good in life, and in myself (No
matter how lame that line was, it's true). Over that next year I become
far more self confident, to the point where people notice how obnoxious
I can be and point it out to me. I feel I can do anything, almost
anything. This is were I feel pathetic. I've recently gotten back in
contact with a girl that I knew during my "depresso stage", in other
words, she was the one that got away. I don't know if I even
particularly like her, but I know she is drat hot. Call me shallow, but
I feel that if I can get in between those hot legs, I will finally be
able to fix up all the gently caress ups that I caused during that poo poo-up period
of my life.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am female and quite fond of anal sex, especially when I'm drunk.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I beat off to gay furry porn that was an awful link of the day.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I jerked off in a stall in the bathroom of the college that I go to. Actually i've done it a few times. Mostly because there was a hot girl in the class right before.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Bless me father for i have sinned

I chatted with a guy through the internet for years, he was emo & psycho and said talking to me made him feel better. I was flattered and never really believed he was that insane anyway. He was, he said he loved me and raped me when we decided to meet.

Now again I'm talking to a guy regularly who has an interest in me, he seems friendly but I will never trust anyone from the internet. My bf is about to leave me and I hope I wont have flashbacks if i ever decide to trust a new guy.

All girls I talk to and talked to hate and loathe the fact that the human body will make rape easier by getting wet in the end. Its the final straw of humiliation, and it feels like your body sins against you.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think I'm in an abusive friendship, though I know how strange that sounds.

My best friend is very controlling of me. He makes me feel stupid and ignorant all the time, to the point where I just don't say things or ask questions because I can't handle the reaction. He shouts at me, or freezes me out, or hits me if I don't do what he wants, or if I say something he doesn't like, or if I don't laugh at one of his jokes. Everything is always my fault, and when he hits me it's because I provoked him.

He gets twitchy if I get calls or emails from other friends and demands to know who they are but if I do the same then I'm being nosy. When I point out his hypocrisy (in this and other situations) he either gets mad (see above) or tells me I'm stupid to expect equality in our relationship because I'm inferior to him. He says this like it's supposed to be a joke.

When he's in a good mood we have a lot of fun together. I care about him a great deal and like to do things for him, but he totally takes me for granted and never repays any favours. I get resentful about this, but I still keep doing things, because it helps keep him in a good mood so he's not mean to me.

In arguments he is very manipulative, he'll rant at me and then when I try to respond will tell me to "just drop it" and get very angry because I "can't let things go", but only when he feels like he's had the last word. I always end up feeling aggrieved because he hasn't listened to me at all, and yet made it feel like my fault that we argued. I hate arguments and never argue with anyone else other than him.

I know that I should just sever ties with him but I also know I would miss him so badly and I can't find the strength to go through with it. My self esteem has really taken a blow. I used to think I was strong but I've been letting him treat me like poo poo for over a year and I have no idea why. He can be so sweet sometimes and was very abused as a kid, but I know that's not enough of a reason to put up with this treatment.

I hardly see any of my other friends any more, and haven't told them about this because I know they'd tell me to ditch him, and I can't.

What really scares me is that I'm probably setting myself up for a whole lifetime of abusive relationships with men and being treated like a doormat.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I signed up to sa with a stolen credit card.

I can picture the commercial, the old lady whose card you stole in a rocking chair with your voice "I jst logged on to Something Awful to read threads about ninjas and furrys, bwqhahahahah." You identity stealing rear end in a top hat.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 9 years old I slept over at my friend\'s house. In the same bed. I don\'t remember how it happened, but we ended up with our hands down eachother\'s pajamas... later we sucked eachother\'s cocks. At that age we couldn\'t get off, but it still felt great. That wasn\'t the only time it happened either.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When everyone was bitching and moaning about the holocaust in high
school modern history I would always argue that the holocaust was a
good thing. The reason being 6 million dead people is very good for
the planet. 6 million less people polluting and destroying it.

I feel the same about any big wars or massacres. I understand the
hideous pain and suffering the survivors go through and feel full
sympathy but I still think Yay! Less people on the planet!

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I made my first $1m before I was 22. I always scab money off my friends and hold off paying them back for as long as I can� we are talking about $1 for a can of coke, or $10 for lunch and the occasional $50 purchase. I give them fake excuses like I come from a poor family etc and I don�t feel guilty. They don�t know I have $400m of work at the moment and have a 68,000sq.ft house in the works. I am a jerk like that but if they find out I�m sure they will hate me, and the fact I want to have nasty sex with their (big boobed, blonde, curvy and more legs then a bucket of chicken) partners probably doesn�t help.

And, I think Lowtax is loosing his funny slowly, but I dare not say this normally. I secretly think JeffK is a laugh riot and wish every time I open the SA front page he is the OP for the day � EVERYTIME! And I am disappointed when he is not.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once jerked off to World of Warcraft porn. With taurens in it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm something of the opposite of most people in regards to sick, sexual fetishes. Where most people hide these things, and pretend that they're normal, I go out of the way to act like I'm the sickest, most horrible stain upon humanity that has ever been unleashed upon the world to most of my friends, and pretty much anyone else within earshot.

The reality is that I have almost no interest in sex whatsoever. I find women attractive, but I've been single and without any form of female companionship for close to 5 or 6 years now. Even then, I was only with the one girl for almost a year, purely because I hadn't ever been in a relationship or had sex before, and felt some kind of social requirement to do so during my life. Knowing what I do now, I most likely wouldn't get involved with her. After I left her, I never once felt like I missed her, nor did I ever feel lonely.

I don't feel the slightest bit bad about it, but it seems everyone else in the world is entirely the opposite to me on this. I doubt anyone would ever understand.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am terribly afraid that I will die alone. I am not fat, or ugly, but
I have not had sex or a boyfriend in 2 years. After my mom died I went
through a crippling depression that made me freak out if anyone
touched me, and it wrecked my last relationship (obviously). Ever
since then, whenever a guy shows interest in me it mostly makes me
want to run screaming in terror. I'm not sure if it's because of some
mental problem I still have or because the only people interested in
me actually are creepy and weird. I'm afraid that I'll never be able
to find a normal, fulfilling relationship again. I tell my friends
that I'm happy being single and that I can't stand children and never
want to have any, but I'm mostly trying to convince myself, because I
don't think anyone will ever want to be with someone as messed up as
me.

I'm 28.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 12:15

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm madly in love with a girl I met online. She lives hundreds of miles away, in another country, and we've never met face to face... but I love her more than I've ever loved anything in my entire life. As ridiculous as that may sound. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want her to have my children. I talk to her on the phone and on AIM constantly. I fear she may fall for someone else before I can come to her, and frankly... honestly, I don't think I could live without her. I'm not sure what I'd do. It scares me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am sleeping with my exgirlfriend at least 3 times a week unbeknownst to pretty much everyone around us... I don't feel guilty for it, I just feel like someone's gotta know.

I once killed a hamster using a microwave, a frying pan, a bath tub, baseball bat, and tweezers. This was all justified by onlooking friends, who swore to me the hamster had eaten her babies. The irony here is I don't believe in capital punishment.

When I was 8 years old, my friend and I shat out of a tree onto his older, deaf brother.

...I still laugh when I think about it, even though deep inside, I feel awful.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I had a 15 month live in relationship with a family member. Only
related through marriage, but it still makes me cringe to remember.
See, my sister was divorcing her husband, I went over for a New Year's
party, and we all got really really drunk. My brother in law ended up
carrying me to bed. And sleeping with me. I was pissed out of my
mind, I'd never let it happen otherwise, I didn't even fancy him. But
instead of saying "look that was a mistake, lets forget it ever
happened" he kind of steam-rollered me into a relationship I didn't
want, he had that kind of personality. And I was really lonely. He
just wanted to piss my sister off I reckon, I was the younger,
skinnier sibling. He weighed something over 20 stone and looked like a
gigantic slug when naked.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I tried to prank call Natalee Holloway's father and tell him that his daughter is in hell. There wasn't an answer and the voicemail was full, though.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have to shave every day and I'm going bald on top.

And I'm a girl. loving hosed up hormones.

I hate kissing people, even on the cheek, at the end of the day in case they feel my stubble.

I used to be really affectionate with my friends but now I avoid contact, and I really miss being hugged.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

The first time I had sex was with someone I formed a relationship with from a popular online game. When we did it, I felt no pleasure at all and when he was finished, I let him cum on me. Later, we went to dinner with his friends and I realized I had cum stains on my shirt.

I wish I were sexually promiscuous. The only thing holding me back is fear of getting pregnant and stds.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to work at a major coffee chain. One time some lady came in and was acting like a bitch. She wanted decaf coffee, but I thought "gently caress this bitch" and gave her regular coffee. Right before she walked out, for some reason she asked us again if it had any caffeine. The reason this was important was because she was seriously allergic to caffeinated products. Of course, I was afraid of getting in trouble for having purposely hosed up her order, so I said it was decaf. No one saw her in the store again.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm currently in �1500 worth of overdraft that I have no idea how to pay back purely because I'm loving disorganised. I have a �5000 loan on top of this (Which was planned) but this �1500 is purely because of my innability to keep track of what I'm spending. The bank want it back next month even though I only get �1000 total wages.

It's not even impulse buying, just not paying attention to my funds.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

After me and my girlfriend broke up we would often spend the night in the same bed without anything sexual happening. One night I started feeling her up whilst she slept and later felt horrible about it. When I was younger I also felt up my mom and sister when they were sleeping. I only felt bad then when I was caught though.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I fisted a 16 year old virgin butter troll after getting her and me poo poo-face drunk. I also fingered her rear end and the day after I found brown crud lining my cuticles also, I scrubbed and scrubbed but her smell wouldn't go away.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My second confession:
I secretly wish I were male. I wish I had a penis because it looks so easy to get off. I don't know how to pleasure myself.
I read all these posts on the forum saying how girls can get sex any time they want, well it's not that easy. Anyways, the reason why I want to be a guy is because I feel mediocre most of the time; I worry about my appearance and weight too often. I'm definite that if I were a guy I would be super hot and I could be the attention whore that I always wanted to be.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am incredibly racist and I especially hate black people because of constant teasing in K-5th grade. I also wish I were Japanese because I feel it would make me desirable.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am a popular poster in FYAD and had become so by being a gimmick poster, after I was banned and I was pretty much accepted as a regular in FYAD and soon found that my posts where not quoted and mocked but instead praised. Once I realized this I never posted in FYAD again for some reason.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

in highschool i used fake credit cards to buy $2000 worth of new equipment for my computer, so it could run Quake better. the stuff was sent to an abandoned house where i collected it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Don't know whether to list them altogether in one message or split them up, but all are quite true.

- My godfather is very rich and has no family. I know from a 3rd party that I'm in his will. I wish he would hurry up and die already.

- A few years ago, I was walking down the street to the bus stop and had to fart. Only it wasn't a fart, it was semi-liquid excrement that immediately saturated my briefs. I went into a nearby gas station and in their bathroom took off my pants and underwear. I put the pants back on -- miraculously untouched by fecal matter, amazingly -- and hung up the briefs (which had an approxmiately 2 mm thick layer of poo poo the consistency of tapioca pudding) on that little hook they have on the door of bathroom stalls. I wish that somehow I could have witnessed the reaction of the next person to enter.

-- In 9th grade, I used to flood bathrooms. 5 minutes into a class period, I'd go to the bathroom, plug up a sink and the drain in the bathroom floor with toilet paper and turn the faucets on. This ensured 50 full minutes of flooding, until the end of the period. Then I'd walk by that bathroom to see how flooded it was. I had to stop myself from laughing when a janitor would be there mopping up the water.

-- Even though I got the highest SAT in my high school, was a National Merit Semi-Finalist, got scholarship offers left and right, I've done nothing with my life. I'm 30 years old and deliver Chinese food.

-- If someone can post a tutorial on using proxies and such, I'll share more that I don't trust to anon-emailer.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 12:51

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

This is lame but last saturday I got drunk and as I was talking with a
female friend I let slip the fact that my girlfriend have had a name
change(to something more western) many years ago and I even told her what
her earlier name was. I feel bad because my girlfriend said not to tell
anyone about it, she wanted it kept private. Sorry hon

Also my ex was there and I let her suck on my... hip flask, had some good
booze brought along and I was feeling generous, then I had a sex dream about
my ex, which I do quite often actually, sometimes I dream about having them
both, one of my fears is that I'll groan her name in sleep or something and
my GF would hear it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I sometimes look at animal porn. Dogs and horses being sucked and
hosed by women. And I like anime porn just because the females are
always treated like objects, always crying and begging for them to
stop, but so often come desite their protests.

I most often fantasise about rape and humiliation, often by a room of
men. Yet I don't think I'll ever find someone I could explore this
with because guys I go out with respect me too much to force me into
sex or use me, and I would not want to go out with someone who treated
women like poo poo. Oh the complexities of human sexual arousal.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm 23 and don't have a girlfriend. I'm not fat or ugly, I have a very good job, I play sport and go to the gym and I've had long (18 month) relationships in the past. However, I lack self confidence and don't really meet many single women my age through my job or sports.

I don't care about the sex, I miss the intimacy and crave it. It's like a dark cloud that hangs over me every hour of the day, its never too far from my attention. Everynight when I'm falling asleep, I hug a pillow and fantasize about cuddling someone.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Many, many times I've felt like punching everyone in the SA forums in the nuts/vagina/whatever because every single goddamn one of them seems to have this really dumb need of seeing things in black and white. For example, if someone liked a movie, he/she will proceed to fawn over it obsessively and maybe add in a supposedly humorous expression, like "I want to have [insert directr here]'s illegimate AIDS Love Children!". And if someone didn't really like something, he/she will proceed to explain, in very intricate detail, just why it sucks so much that he'd like it's creator to be thrown back in time into a nazi concentration camp and all of his/her offspring offed one by one (you know, just for good measure).

YOU DON'T HAVE TO ABSOLUTELY LOVE OR HATE SOMETHING, THERE CAN BE MIDDLEGROUND AS WELL. YOU KNOW, AS IN NOT JUST BLACK AND WHITE, BUT MAYBE A HINT OF *GASP* _GREY_?

Note that I won't add in anything concerning politics in this post, although I'd really like to, because if I did, the whole thread would be derailed by various extremists describing how wrong I am, thusly showing the very same "absolute white/black, gently caress grey" bullshit attitude. Think about it. It's sad that only superficial things can be somewhat discussed on the net without everyone resorting to personal insults, making me wonder just where all the love really is (or where it went and died).

Yeah, that's about it really.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once slipped approximately 16 hits of LSD to a guy
that ripped me off for $120. He thought he was taking
two hits of acid from a sheet(100 hits) he thought he
was buying from me. I had the ability to manipulate
how much was on the two pieces of blotter paper I
handed him .

He was having a great time sitting on the couch while
I robbed his apartment of everything worth anything.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have never confessed to the many wrong deeds I've commited, and even my closest friends have no idea about much of this, so here goes:

I burned down a forest when I was 15, destroying a housing complex, and nearly killing a firefighter. A few kids were picked up for it, inocent paintballers. When I heard about them on the news I anonomously called in a tip saying it was them and I had witnessed it.

I have relationships with people I don't even care about. I seriously feel like a vampire. Sometimes, a girl will be weeping in my arms, emotionally open and really feeling for me...but she can't see my face. It's a stone cold stare. I feel nothing. Seeing someone cry means nothing to me. Only one person's tears matter.

I masterbate so much I can barely feel my dick anymore. I also jerk off to TF porn and I like women with body hair. I get turned on if I see a woman with unshaven legs and I like to nuzzle womens armpits. The idea of a person transforming into someone else turns me on as well...but only because of how weak and terrorfied it would make the person. Like if my girlfriend were to suddenly become an 11 year old girl...I would become highly aroused, mainly because her life would be shattered.

The girl that I love, the one who's tears actually matter to me, has a boyfriend. I want her back so bad, I actually truly believe I'm going to kill him one day. I've thought of a thousand ways to murder him and beat his face in and taste his blood so I can have her free. I scare myself, honestly.

I go to war protests and equality rallies, but I'd secretly love the chance to shoot someone without legal ramifications and I also say horrible things about people based on their race.

I'm pretty sure I have herpes.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

The Crow Road...

I was going to make excuses about how my wife was frigid and would never have sex and when she did it felt like it she was being forced to, but there is no excuse. I have none. I should have divorced her. I just did this, and fell into it and now I can't stop doing it.

It started with the woman across the street. My wife and I moved in to this neighborhood and there was a nice couple across the street, pretty much our age, maybe two-three years older than my wife and me. We got along well, but we were not friends. The wife's husband was kind of a sad-sack- bad job, bad hygeine, lazy around the house. My wife and I figured he had just let himself go to seed. The wife was pretty hot though. She and I would exchange pleasantries often, and sometimes chit-chat. It was just pleasantries, but there was also the kind of sexual tension you can feel. You know it's there, and you know they know. You can see it in someone's eyes and smile and the way they laugh. It's a funny game. But it's loving dangerous. Never do it. Never.

My wife was away on business and the neighbor's husband was away visiting relatives, and she invited me over for coffee. I accepted. After coffee, I was making an excuse to leave and she asked me not too. I was standing, and she was still sitting on their couch. She slipped off her halter top, and knelt in front of me, topless. She literally undid my fly, pulled my dick out and started sucking me off. We hosed. This was not "making love" this was loving.

It became a regular thing, and we were both inventing new hobbies, work buddies, and sudden emergencies to hook up with each other. We were loving, but over time I felt she was losing interest. We talked one time while we were having sex, and it turned out she was completely into submission. She wanted me to handcuff her and then have her felate me while I talked dirty to her. So I did.

There she was, this petite, lithe, terribly beautiful woman, handcuffed and on her knees looking up me like a suplicant. And begging to suck me off while I called her a dirty slut, filthy whore, horny bitch, etc. etc. I realized, about half way through, that she was masturbating as she sucked me off, and really violently. The more I called her a slut, or a whore, or asked her if she loved sucking my cock, the more violently she masturbated and sucked me. She was orgasming while I was coming in her mouth, and she was so into it that she wouldn't stop sucking or masturbating herself until I was completely soft. I'm sorry, it was loving awesome.

We did this for what seemed like ages, and over time I started to push to see how far she wanted to be dominated. I am not interested in golden showers or poo poo-related stuff, so I won't go there. It turns my stomach. But my neighbor was like a slave. She wanted to be used. She would do anything I told her...play with yourself, gently caress yourself in the rear end...anything. I know this must mean she has serious mental issues, but I don't care. Eventually I started looking for others like her, ones that were into submission. You can find them on the internet, or other places. Communities have these lovely little pulp rags here and there. I went through them. looking for others. I started to collect them. Like butterflies.

Now I have multiple residences in the area, multiple cell phones, several credit cards and PO Boxes and bank accounts. I've got mythical job assignments and business trips. I have fictional friends and associates. I've been tested multiple times for HIV/AIDS. I will again next month. I got a little cold sore, which I have gotten occasionally throughout my life, but that time I freaked out. They have type tests now, and it was HSV-1 which I could have had forever. This all costs money, which I have but I don't think I will for much longer. I invested in some things and it's paid off, but I told my wife it was a raise from work and this worked because she thinks the travel and the raise are related. My wife also thinks that I am impotent. She seemed sort of relieved when I told her. She was very supportive and understanding. I told her it was due to diabetic neuropathy, and she did not want or need any verifications or second opinions or anything. I told her I'm impotent, but it's just that I can't have "normal" sex anymore.

I know that I'm seriously hosed up in the head and I feel like a sexual, as opposed to homocidal, American Psycho. I'm pretending to everyone except for the ones I'm loving. It's really easy to wear a mask in front of my wife, because I see that I've been doing it for our entire marriage. I have the routine down so well, but I'm terrified she'll see right through me. But surprisingly, I am pulling this off. I have no idea how, but things just keep working out. My wife and I just got back from a really fun vacation. We had a really nice time: Single room, double beds. Only two other people know that I am a filthy pig, but so are they so things are remaining stable. We cover for each other. I have no idea what's going to happen. I could end up like the guy from "Hogan's Heroes". I hope not, but it's possible.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I lost my virginity to my older sister. She's not my half-sister or anything, but my full-blooded sister.

We were both homeschooled through high-school and have lived quite isolated lives. Our mom and step-dad were very religious and censored everything that came into our house (I couldn't even look the sears catalog without the women's clothing section being torn out). So, being young and horny and having no other outlet, it seemed almost natural that we'd look to each other for sex.

It also didn't help that we had rooms next to each other on a separate floor from our parents and on the other end of the house.

Anyway, the first time, I was 14 and she came into my room and said she wanted to "try something," saying that it was a gift for me. Then she gave me an ackward blow job and when I blew my load I ran off thinking something was terribly wrong.

After that, she let me be and talked me into further experimentation. We ended up screwing every day, without fail, and I could convince her to blow me even if she initially refused. It was like asking her to share candy or something--"Please, come on please, come on.... come on... please? I'll be fast. Please?" "Oh all right." Meanwhile, Mom thought I was taking a shower while my sister was doing her hair. We had one bathroom, so pooping or brushing your teeth while someone was showering wasn't abnormal. I remember our step-dad sometimes commenting that I "shower too much."

I thank god that she had the smarts to use condoms, which she stole from our Mom and, rarely, bought them while we were in town. Still, because of the rarity of condoms, we actually re-used them. But I didn't mind it when we'd run out, because instead of no sex, we'd do anal and oral. Yeah, she was THAT paranoid about pregnancy--and thank god for that.

While we both had alternating fits of guilt, and I sometimes had terrible nightmares about going to hell or being left behind in "the rapture," we continued this until I was 17. A few years ago, my sister tried to blow me again (I was 21), but she was drunk and horny so I refused. But, god, that was hard to refuse, because she really is quite hot and the best sex I've ever had.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. This is my life's first confession.

I'm 17, and I recently found out that a girl I met at a course-type thing really liked me (she flat out told me). To most people this'd be a perfectly normal thing but to me it was a completely new thing. I felt as though, "wow, girls can/may like me" which was an almost completely new thing. As pathetic as it sounds, in a way I felt as though my existence was validated. I have no idea why it affected me so much, but I'm going to see her again in about 2 weeks and if nothing much happens I suspect the positive thoughts and feelings I've been feeling recently will crumble to dust.

A gay friend of mine recently said that if I was gay he'd go out with me. I was very flattered, and considered briefly if I was gay. I wasn't, but still. Sort of connected with this is that I get very over-emotionally attached to girls. A girl could be nice to me and I'd think more of it than it was. That's why in the first confession I was very surprised about it all.

My friends used to joke about me being socially retarded a while back (I'm not anymore) but I suspect I was just acting up to how they expected to me, as it's easy now for me to be social and I have no idea where that came from.

Despite being a staunch atheist, I dismiss thoughts that trouble me as 'I'm just trying to get my mind to think it's all weird.' I have no idea how to stop this, and if I did I'd have to admit that some of the things I thought were the product of me.

I suspect that with most of my confessions the anonymity wasn't really needed.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

All these "I am X years old and am a virgin" confessions make me want to know who they are, what their MSN is and if they live nearby.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 16:13

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I love giving head. Not least because I find it kind of degrading. And
I love porn where girls are tied up and forced to give rough oral
deepthroat. I don't like the gagging, it's the idea of being used and
abused I guess. And even though I found it really hard to watch the
scene, I masturbated several times to the anal rape scene in
Irreversable. When my ex boyfriends hosed my arse more often than not
I'd wriggle around a lot and pretend he was raping me, just so I could
get off easily. I also masturbated to the description in A Song Of Ice
And Fire of Tyrion Lannister's first wife's gang rape. I regularly
masturbate to the idea of having every hole raped by loads of men. But
I know I'd hate to be raped IRL.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I secretly wish I could be a female friend of mine, and all the guys we hang out with know that we've switched bodies...and since they think a man won't care like a woman would, they all hold me down and screw every hole in my body and use me like a whore until I'm loving it.

I also fantasize about kidnapping my ex and torturing her in some ugly abandond warehouse. Feeding her cum and bathing her in my piss and whipping her.

When I heard about that 11-year old Japanese girl with DD breasts, I imediatly googled it, and masterbated to it.

One of my greatest fantasies would be to have sex with a blind girl, or a midget, or a really hot crippled girl. I masterbate to the "sex" scenes in "Freddy Got Fingered" because of this. I also wish I could go out on a date with Bridget the Midget.

I also wish I could fit my whole body into a woman, and as such find Daryl Hannah hot just because she was in "The 50 Foot Woman"

I am extremely guilty about all of these fantasies, but mostly I'm miserable because none of them will ever come true.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Two confessions:
I cheated on my first true love with my first girlfriend. My FTL and I never even had sex, but I was boning the 1st girl several times a week. I don't know if my FTL ever found out, but she broke up with me and broke my heart forever. I've always regretted it and I still have dreams about her coming back to me and wanting to try again.

I've taken almost $10000 from my employer by way of using company money to pay for personal items. I try to offset this by working unpaid overtime, using my car and gas for company business, etc.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I ordered a CNST shirt in May and never received it. I emailed techsupport 2 months later, with my receipt, but never heard back from R-Lo. I saw him post in some thread about some specials he was selling where he said something like "I may not always email back but I always take care of it if there was an error, so back off."

I never received a reply, or my shirt. I've been pissed off at SA and Lowtax since but feel too intimidated to email further, press the issue, for fear of tarnishing my good, yet not to "famous", goon name at SA with the mods and somehow lose my high and mighty 2002'er status.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I guess mainly I've been having an internal struggle that I don't know how
to deal with. I love my boyfriend, but I've recently developed feelings for
somebody I've met online. I would probably gently caress the poo poo out of this person
given the chance, but at the same time I would feel horrible about cheating.
It's frustrating because I know the whole deal is really stupid, but if I
could will it away I wouldn't have to write this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:
amazing and absolutely true(shame) confession
When I was married, I would go over to my in-laws while they weren't home and enter the house through a door or window that I had left unlocked during a previous visit. I would rummage through the dirty laundry and steal used panties from both my hot mother-in-law and hot sister-in-law. To make things worse, I would smell and lick them while masturbating. I would return the articles when the smell was all gone so that they would not miss them.

One time I managed to get a hold of a fresh pair of bikini bottoms that had just been taken off less than 15 minutes before. They had a very fresh, powerful odor and a nice surprise of some discharge, which I ate while masturbating furiously.

To make things even worse, I would sift through the bathroom trash and take used sanitary napkins out. I wouldn't use the bloody ones, but there were usually some that the sister-in-law had used near the beginning or end of her period, and these had a very nice, strong scent with no blood. Guess what I did with these? I didn't return them when done, though, I just threw them away in an anonymous trash can.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I dont actually have an SA account, I browse GBS for hours every day but I am too cheap to pay for one. The only time I ever considered buying an account was when GBS went members only for a few weeks, but that isnt my confession.

One day out of curiosity I figured out the password to my best friend of five years' email account. I check her email one a week or once every few days. I find it hilarious to read the truth of the things that she bullshits me about, for example she will tell me about a guy who is "so obsessed with her" but I can see from her email that she is the one who always contacts him or pushes him for conversation or to email her. Its hard for me not to say anything when she lies right to my face, but what can I say? "Hey I totally violate your privacy and thats how I know you are lying!" I honestly don't feel bad about this viol;ation of privacy. On some level I feel like she deserves it for lying to me all the time, like I deserve to know the truth.

I dont know if i can still send something if I am not an SA member but I thought I would try anyways

Uh, congrats on your first post and all. You should lay down :10bux:

imho.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am a socially awkward overweight female who suffers from various mental disorders, one of which contributes to my weight. I have on occasion plotted to kill my father's wife (not my birth mom) who was cruel to me for many years, and the whole family knew but never helped me, but have never followed through.. I was also sexually abused. I have also tried to kill myself. I currently go through therapy because I cut, not because I am "hardcore emo" but because I am one of the few who is genuinely sick, I am not proud of my cutting or suicidal rages, and all I ever wanted were friends who understood and support me through this mess.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I teamkilled OMGWTFBBQ in BF2 once

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am one of the biggest nerds I know. I sit on my computer almost all hours of the day playing World of Warcraft and other games while talking to people on AIM, MSN, Ventrilo, Teamspeak..., and the only times I leave my house is to go to school, or hang out with my friends.

I met my girlfriend online who lives across the country from me and I traveled there with a network of elaborate lies all without my mom knowing. We stayed in a lovely hotel and de-virgintized each other, and also having the best week of our lives. I can honestly say I love her with all my heart, even though she lives so far away. She is incredibly attractive, and even I have been told by many people I am good looking.

But instead of getting fit or doing more sociable activities I find more fun in playing video games and talking to my friends through a microphone.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I watch porn a lot more than I should. I masturbate a lot more than I
should. I get angry and swear a lot more than should. I used to see
women as sexual objects rather than actual people with feelings. I
hold prejudices in my heart against people based on the color of their
skin.

Hopefully telling you this will allow these evils to leave my life and
soul, and allow me to become closer to God.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I first met the girl who I have been with for several years and am going to marry soon, I tried to be cool and impress her with a story of a girl who I had sex with.

She still doesn't know that story was a lie and I actually lost my virginity to her.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am incredibly racist against blacks. I have black friends and have had black bosses, and I don't hate anyone. Black people act differently, talk differently, seem to have an entirely different moral background, and generally act exactly like they want to be treated differently.

The whole "baby's momma/baby's daddy" thing sickens me and makes the black race appear subhuman. Take care of your loving kids you animals, and stop impregnating multiple women with no compunctions and no repercussions.

If I could make every black man pay child support for his bastards, and get a whack in the head with a bat for every child from a different woman, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I could bitchslap every black woman who has a children from multiple fathers, I'd enjoy it.

They are bringing up an entire generation of kids who don't know their fathers, and it only diminishes the race in my eyes.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm obsessed with Asian girls. I think about them all the time. I have tried to hit on virtually every Asian girl I've met, but only had mild success once. We were "dating" for four months but never had much physical contact since she was out of town for a while and then dumped me.

Since I can't seem to get any on my own, I've gone to massage parlors multiple times. This is how I lot my virginity. I've been clean for a year now, and I want to brag about my newfound self-controll, but I don't want to admit to sleeping with whores in the first place.

I've only had one girlfriend (who was white) who would have sex with me, I constantly thought about other women while we did it because she was fat and nasty. However, she's about the only girl I can get, and I look back wishing I hadn't broken up with her despite the fact I'm pretty sure she was cheating on me.

I recently developed a crush on the female goon, animeluva1. I started watching anime in hopes of being able to post enough in ADTRW to get her attention. This is all retarded since her profile says she lives in California and I live on the east coast. Therefore it would be completely pointless.

I've investigated the mail-order bride process and if I can't get a woman by the time I'm 33 or so, I'm getting a mail order bride from the Phillipenes.

Several years ago I did my current roommate, we'l call him Bob, a huge favor. Some friends were applying for a four person dorm, and wanted me to be the 4th spot. But Bob also wanted the 4th spot. I told them to let Bob take it, since I felt sorry for him and thought Bob was a nice guy, but was just socially awkward (didn't have many friends or a chance in hell with girls). Now 5 years later, Bob graduate before me with a better GPA, has more friends than I do, did several awesome internships, and has a pretty cute ethnic girlfriend. While I've spent multiple Friday and Saturday nights alone, started watching anime, and gain weight. He's a dick to me about it, and he is also very messy which pisses me off. So I've spit in his orange juice and milk jugs. I'm the loser now I guess.

Also, I'm seriously thinking of going on a custom title buying spree for all the posters I hate (especially IRQ and Santiago3).

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 16:26

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was in high school I was president of the student council and was held on a pedestal as one of the nicer, most honest people in school. During a school dance I smoked a joint in a hallway, and when the principle suspected that someone had smoked up in that hall I blamed it on my vice-president (who was one of my better friends) and got away with it all.

This is perhaps the most evil thing I have ever done.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I go to one of the most expensive schools in the country, and I don't do poo poo. My parents are paying for my "education," they are not rich, and I am wasting close to a thousand dollars of their money a day so I can get drunk, masturbate to internet porn, skip class, and watch movies.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

If I find out somehow that people think I'm a snobby, stuck-up type of person; it makes me really happy inside. I guess I want to be a snob?

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

75% of the posters in FYAD loving suck and it boggles me how they even got accepted. Since I'm a total bitch I'm going to mention some names:
toastercatprincess
penifsmash
waltar

i think they only got "accepted" because of their stupid avatars. especially dings.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 12 or 13, my sister who is 5 years older, convinced me to do sexual things to/with her. We never actually had intercourse, but it still haunts me today. She would also bribe me with things and to not tell on me in return for me letting her lie on the floor and listen to me take a dump. I never figured out why.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When my girlfriend goes to work I wear her clothes and masturbate by loving a pillow with my dick between my legs

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to beat up this fat kid from my class when I felt like beating someone up.

I also beat up some nerd and pretended to be his friend sometimes so he would give me computer games, after that I would beat him up again.

I have no regrets.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I could have hosed this incredibly beautifull girl about 100 times when we we're naked in bed... for some hosed up reason I always just let her give me handjobs and fingered her. I want to turn back time

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I don't know why or if I'm alone but I have always been incredibly unkind to, and impatient with, the elderly, especially if I'm related to them. Visiting my grandfather, possibly the nicest person I've ever met, he would try to tell me stories about his youth, love, war, etc. but I just wanted to play Gameboy and let him know it.

Also one elderly uncle out of the blue decided to send me stamps to start a collection and subscribe me to Boy's Life and Linn's Stamp News. I don't think I ever returned a letter (though I did make use of that killer stamp book). He was just a guy with no close family left who was reaching out for whoever he could to be penpals. Even when I found out he was sick and dying I didn't contact him or thank him.

Finally in high school a local guild of elderly citizens awarded me a $500 scholarship check, asking that I meet with them and speak about what I planned to do in college. I lied to this guy on the phone and said I couldn't go so they mailed me the check. I never thanked them.

They're all dead now but I feel a little better.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am dating a goon. We met through the forums.

This gives a lot of people a lot of hope.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am an online FPS gaming addict.

I'm male, and when I was 25 I used to play Tribes as a woman named Roxanne. I flirted and cybered with clan members and other players. Every time some little kid would ask "wow are u really a girl" I would say yes, I am. I even told people about "my" period and B-cup titties.

I reveled in loving with the heads of male players. They would go "oh look Roxanne a noob lol", then proceed to go black widow on their rear end and totally gently caress them up, whether with a mortar to the balls or exploding discs to the dick.

Eventually I was invited to join a clan and I accepted, I became an officer of the clan and participated in ladder matches for several months. I even held the illusion close to my "breast" (lol) to my clanmates. When I would email back and forth with them via my email account you could almost see their heart flutter with the little thrill of talking with a "woman" who was actually into FPS games.

I either set back feminism 10 years or advanced it, you be the judge. Some of us can identify more easily with one gender or another, perhaps I identify better emotionally with some attributes of women.

I did enjoy the flirting a lot though, I hope I'm not gay.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm really smart, but I do practically no work. I get really good
grades without studying, sometimes without even opening the books or
going to classes. I've got a 3.8 GPA at a 1st tier school. Sometimes
I feel really bad about that though. I watch people work really hard
to get OK grades, and it makes me feel like I if I worked harder I'd
be exponentially smarter than I already am.

I'm also very musically gifted, but I squander those gifts, too. I
wish I could give the talent to someone who was a hard worker.

Also, people think I'm really modest, but inside my head I know I'm
smarter and better than everyone else.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Even though I watch all of them, I find the majority of SA's Flash Tub to be absolutely retarded, and I think it would benefit if Shmorky wrote more of them instead of just animating.

Though I'd really like him to, I find myself hoping that my friend won't go to college through monetary or other complications so that he won't leave me here by myself.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me forum, for I have sinned. I have never confessed before.

I am vastly underqualified for my current job. I lied on my resume to get it (I told them I had a degree when I am no where near possesing any such thing), and now live in constant fear of being found out. I really don't know what I'm doing half the time I'm working, and the other half I spend screwing around in the Internets and yet no one has said anything as of yet.

Oh and I recently didn't help my mother move to her new place because I spent the entire night before getting coked up and didn't wake up until the next afternoon.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Sorry, I didn't apply liberal amounts of BBQ sauce to babies before sinking my teeth into one, but the following is something I wouldn't say without some sort of shroud:

I've had absolutely zero experience with women- not even the "messing around" stuff that normally occurs at 14-15. Now that I'm 23, this has guaranteed that I'm locked out of all contact with women for the rest of my life. I couldn't even engage in casual conversation if I wanted to, not that it really matters since I can't even get that far.

I'm pretty sure that, by some violation of all odds, I wouldn't last more than one minute in the sack.

To top it off, I'm losing hair earlier my virginity.

Also, any time I've denied having suicidal thoughts on questionaires, it's due to the associated shame and the preference to not be institutionalized over it. I still believe this to be the superior decision if I have to visit a doctor and fill one of those things out.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Back when I was in the military, I was on ship and getting harassed by one particular rear end in a top hat of a higher up. Not much of a higher up, just one grade, but enouogh to gently caress with me. This guy was a genuine rear end in a top hat to a lot of people for a long time. Anyway, he told me to go get his canteen from his rack and bring it to him, which was on the other side of the ship. So I went and got it, but took a quick stop at the urinal on the way to piss in it. I eventually got back and gave it to him, and then before leaving made sure to watch him take a nice, big swig. He never knew, and I never told anyone until I got out, where upon everyone who ever got hosed with him thought it was the funniest thing ever, including myself. The rear end in a top hat deserved it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

One time while I was driving somewhere I had to go down a small residential street with houses on it and cars parked in front of the houses. I had an empty spray paint can in my back seat so I took it and threw it through someone's car window. The trick is aiming for the other side of the window to make sure it penetrates. I am still worried to this day that a database somewhere just hasn't matched my fingerprints yet and one day it will and I'll go back to jail for something that I did like five or so years ago.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I read my ex's email. I figure that if she's too stupid to change the password after we broke up, then she deserves it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to work for a daily newspaper. Every other weekend or so I had to go out and report about some lovely event in the city on sunday morning for the monday paper. Since I drank and/or drugged heavily every saturday, i'd usually feel demolished on sunday. That's why I almost never really actually talked to anyone at the event, feeling like a trainwreck and all. I made quotes up, as told by imaginary people. I scanned the internet for fake names. No-one ever suspected a thing. The chief editor loved the reports. I have never been caught.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am secretly still in love with my ex-boyfriend, even though i'm with someone new. Why haven't I gone back to him? It's at least partially because he has a small dick.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am breaking the heart of my ex boyfriend because I am too chicken poo poo to sever. And I want to have sex with his friend.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm female, but sometimes when I post E/N-ish stuff on SA, i pretend to be a guy whining about a girl to sidestep the forum misogyny. It works.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I can't stop playing horribly outdated games like the sims.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm infatuated with someone impossible. They live thousands of miles away. They're far too young.

We click so well, I'd go as far as to say that although we've never met, they're one of my best friends. I want them to come over here and run away with me and do stupid romantic things.

If I told them, they'd laugh in my face. They're totally not that kind of person, and usually neither am I. I tell myself it's infatuation so that I don't have to face up to the emo-ness of the situation.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I thought of some more confessions.

-Whenever I see certain well known posters make a thread I sign onto a secret AIM account and insult the gently caress out of them. Then I close AIM quickly so they can never respond.

-I can't stand the majority of SA posters. Most of them are college aged and just haven't really learned what life is about yet and their opinions show that. I understand they will probably feel differently later in life but right now I think they are just stupid punk kids and if they talked to me in person like they sometimes talk on SA I'd stomp the gently caress out of them or go hide in a dark room and cry. One or the other.

-I rarely post because I am afraid those same people will mock me.

-Sometimes when I spot an error in a post I keep refreshing the thread until someone corrects the person who made the error because I am too scared to point it out myself since no one else seems to be noticing it I feel that I must be wrong.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I feel like I am utterly alone and that no one will ever love me except for my boyfriend, who I don't even want to date but am too lonely to let go of.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am 33, married, and have 3 children. I really want to have sex with a man though. Or at least have my wife do me with a strap-on.

I miss being single because then I was able to pleasure myself analy as often as I wanted. Like the other guy I have put everything up there.

My ultimate fantasy is to be spit-roasted by two guys and I am getting hard just thinking of it. When I watch straight porn I often imagine myself in the place of the women.

I used to think I only wanted to be a bottom in a gay relationship but recently I have found that I'd really like to tap me some man rear end as well.

I'm not totally gay though I really like women too I just want some cock once in awhile.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 16:39

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was younger (around 15) my brothers would sneak into my room when they thought I was asleep and do a range of sexual things to me (including having sex with me). I enjoyed it. I would leave notes pretending to be the other brother suggesting things for them to do. I don't know if they believed that or if they knew they were from me. One brother stopped quite quickly, but the other would still try sometimes right up until I left home (and would still try sometimes when I visited home).

I dont know how much this affected my sexuality now, but I am very submissive sexually and love to be tied up and out of control. I suspect I was into this long before all that happened though, as I used to play games where I was controlled - I would imagine being kept as a pet by someone or things like that. I didn't think of them as sexual, but now I look back and it seems obvious.

I have so many of these to write, but I am at work and the people who can see my screen will be back from their lunch breaks soon.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

It makes me mad when someone blames their terrible behavior on having a lovely abusive childhood. They are using it as an excuse, plain and simple.
I can pretty much guarantee that none of you went through the terror and abuse that I did. I eventually sought a therapist many years later. My childhood was so horrible that I made the therapist cry. It was filled with emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Stray animals were tortured to death in front of me. Even my own life was at the mercy of their "games". I felt like a nothing.

Sometimes I still feel like a nothing but I keep it to myself. You'd never know it though because I'm so normal. I don't use my past as a way to get attention. I never talk about it with anyone. And I don't use it as an excuse to commit crimes or to be lovely to other people. I have no sympathy for people who do. You had a bad childhood and you make a ton of attention whoring e/n threads? Oh boo-hoo. Tough titties. Grow up and get on with your life. You're only miserable now because you want to be.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I own a fursuit... actually i more inherited it, it was a mascot from my father's soccer team. The team changed its name and i took the lion suit... I have yet to "yiff" it but I'm tempted

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once shat on the floor of a restroom in a restaurant in Italy.

I'm going to admit right now that once at a bowling alley, I got a bloody nose and ran into the bathroom. Just as I got into the stall, I realized I had left a blood trail leading right up the the stall which gave me the idea to make it look like a horrible event occured there. I started bleeding all over the toilet, the walls, I made puddles, I started rubbing over the walls, finally it stopped and I left it like that. Sorry to that bowling alley, hopfully whoever cleaned it up has a funny story to tell people.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once had sex with my girlfriend in a hotel room.

We were sharing it with her 14 year old sister who was apparently awake at the time.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My entire sense of self-worth relies on whether or not women find me attractive. Everything I do - work, school, friendships - are at least partially used to make me more appealing to the opposite sex. The problem is that women don't like me for anything but friendship.

I'm not fat or ugly, and women on the internet who see my picture tell me I'm good looking and that they'd date me, but aside from one three year relationship I have never been on a date with another woman, or been kissed by another woman, or anything. This depresses me far more than if I truly was fat and ugly - at least then I could become resigned to my fate instead of telling myself that I deserve so much better.

I don't even really want a girlfriend, because being liked for my personality is nothing new. I just want someone to want my body. I want a woman to want to gently caress me. She can hate my guts for all I care, as long as she wants me physically.

The only times I'm truly happy and really feel good about myself are when I'm drunk or having sex.

Also, to the guy who had sex with the friend who told him it turned her on to taste his girlfriend on his cock...that is really loving hot.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have very strong feelings for an officer in my unit. But, alas, I am enlisted, and it sucks just having stolen glances and smiles and jokes and the rare "touch" (when mission appropriate).

And I was the one who fell down the stairs in the middle of the physics final at a large east coast university. Still have nightmares about that.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Last night I smoked pot for the first time at a friend's house. We got caught and she's in trouble, but I had an awesome time.

I should feel guilty, but I don't regret it. Hooray for getting our friends in trouble for no reason.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

when i was a eight I tripped over a guy who had cerebral paulsey. I still know the guy and see him occasioanlly. I doubt he remembers, nevetheless it still eats me up sometimes.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

i poo poo my pants on the first day of school

*high school*

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to jerk off whilst watching a female flatmate masterbate through her bedroom window, she used a hairbrush handle and would wank at least three times a week with the lights on and the curtains open (the window faced onto the balcony)

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I regularly fantasize about my boyfriend loving his ex while we're having sex. I'm a bit obsessed with their past relationship and want to have a three way, even though I find her to be a reprehensible human being. He hates her, but I have this weird obsession.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

About half a year ago I was in love with a girl who already had a boyfriend that was in another country. One night she got drunk enough to puke last week's lunch out and I sent her home in a taxi. The taxi driver thought she was my wife and it made me feel pretty happy. I also kissed her twice. She had my head on her shoulder and her nose was rubbing against mine, eyes closed. How could I resist. Keep in mind she puked for a good half hour before this. I also managed to kiss her puke laiden hair. I still enjoyed it. I even sniffed the napkin I used 5 mins before to wipe her mouth off. I don't have a puke fetish. I was just also slightly drunk and really really liked her.

My friend later asked if I groped her. In retrospect I really should have. I somewhat regret not "exploring" more. To this day I still wonder what sort of nipples or how tight and what type of pussy she has. Just the thought of sending in my man rod ..sigh.

I also went on a Valentines date with her. I guess she did it out of pity, although I did ask her a week before the incident above. She didn't even see it as a date and I got all dressed up. I was quite depressed afterwards and feel pretty drat pathetic about how stupid and futile it was.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I yell at people in my head while I talk to them happily, as they're too stupid to know how to do something with their life whereas I know exactly how they could be better people.

Also, I get impatient at people's activities around me and if everybody I didn't know died right now, I would seriously not give a poo poo in the slightest until power started going out.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

The only reason i go to GoonMeets is in the hope some girl will get drunk and wanna make out with me. I really enjoy the company of the goons, but i just wanna get laid. I even have a crush on a goon but i'm too much of a loser to talk to her about it.... i fear i may never have sex again.

Oh! another one...

I use Myspace to try and get girls, one time i hooked up with a fat fat hammy bitch and in the middle of her going down on me i got up and left. she now spams my inbox about 20 times a day and i deny that i know who she is and make fun of her fattness.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm pretty good with photoshop, and use it now regularly as a facet of my job. The only reason I'm any good with it is because when I in middle school, I'd scan pictures of hot guys from my yearbook and photoshop their heads onto naked bodies I found on the internet.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

Two things. A.) I'm a furry. B.) I'm an infantilist.
What does this mean? I'm a babyfur.

You're a psychopath.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned...

having never had sex, and having very little physical contact with people in general, i gotta say i find the silky feel of a female's skin incredibly arousing. i was at a bar once and they were playing loud music, i tried to get the attention of a girl next to me. she was wearing a singlet with both arms exposed. i touched her arm to get her attention and the mere touch sent waves of pleasure through my body. she turned to face me but i never managed to say anything, just stood there carressing her arm. her boyfriend was right there. i had known them for years but now they will not speak to me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I see people walking down the street and I hate them. Nice young people having fun and enjoying themselves - I hope they die. Older folks that smile and say hello to me - I say hello back and wish they'd drop dead. People smiling, driving their cars around town with their significant others - I want them to crash and burn. I'm an upstanding and popular member of the community, having learned to hide a burning hatred for all people.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was very young I was sick all of the time. My mom would give me medicine dissolved in water. As I got older I realized that she was making me sick on purpose. There was nothing I could do about it. When my little sister was born Mom left me alone and focused on her instead. Since it was no longer affecting me I pretended that it never happened. My sister died and for years I have blamed myself for what happened. I know I was just a child etc. but I could have told someone. However now 30 years later I know whose fault it is. Mom has been living off the attention of losing a child since my sister died. I am going to kill her. It will look like an accident.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 18, I had sex with two 14 year olds and one 13 year old. I still think about them when I jerk off.

I am almost completely amoral. I will happily cheat at anything if I think I can get away with it (not limited to academics). I have cheated on every girl I've ever been with.

I hate my life and think about dying every single day.

If I ever commit suicide I'm going to take as many people with me as I possibly can.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Once when my wife and I were moving, we pulled into a Kingdom Hall (Jehovah's Witness church thingy) parking lot to discuss our route. On the way out, my wife managed to hit the church with the moving truck. She did some minor damage to the church, but the truck was unscathed. We didn't tell the church or the moving van people. gently caress 'em.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 12, I stole a credit card database to buy Magic cards. I spent a fortune on myself and some friends.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

It's not as bad as some of the incest confessions, but worse than mocking people.

I once went out with a girl who for Catholic guilt reasons had big hang ups about sex. Once, however, we were in bed and fooling around and she asked me to take her virginity. I did. The bad thing is I dumped her the next morning.

I still feel pretty bad about that.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I long for a "War of the Worlds" type scenario just so my amazingly boring and worthless life could be filled with excitement and meaning. I think I could be an amazing leader in that type of scenario. It depresses me that so many people are so happy when they are so drat stupid and I'm so unhappy and I'm so drat smart.

I love watching movies like Waterworld and Mad Max because of this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I was accepted to Harvard and Princeton (and some other schools) but turned them down because I was sure I would die by age 20. I turn 21 in two months and have never had sex or tried any drugs (same reason).

I find this post, personally, interesting because I honestly feel this way often. I didn't apply to any colleges, I wouldn't say that's the main reason though, it subconsciencly affected my decision though. Maybe you do this too, but I constantly at least once an hour think about "I could die RIGHT NOW, are my underpants clean? Will they find the porn on my computer? I consciencly live my life "as if it's my last day" but not in the cool way of doing what I really want. But I always make sure my underwear is clean, that my porn is hidden where it wouldn't be found until after anyone who assocaited with me would be long dead. What will my friends think after I die? I will then individually think of what they will say. I feel like it will happen soon though. I really really don't want it to though. If it does, someone remember this post, as I so totally called my own premature death.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Every time I see jbltk post, I want to ask him where he got his avatar. I actually know that the answer is in his profile, but I want to ask because I know it makes him mad. I've seen this happen in like twenty different threads, and I think it's kinda funny. I have absolutely nothing against jbltk, though.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have been having an affair with a coworker, who I'll call April, for nearly 6 months now. We've been working together for 2 years, and at the beginning of this year I started to notice how attracted I was to her. We started flirting at work all the time, and we would wait for each other when we got off of work to smoke a couple cigarettes together before we went home. I justified this innocent flirting because my wife was depressed and never wanted to have sex. I was quite miserable at home, and honestly, I was just having a little fun.

Sometime in February, my wife was out of town for a weekend and I had a small house party. April came and we both got really drunk and ended up making out in the kitchen. She was crouched down in front of the open refridgerator and asked me where another drink was, because she couldn't find it. When I leaned over to grab it for her, our eyes met and we kissed. She stayed until everyone else had left and we had sex in my bed that night. It was the most amazing sex I've ever had, and since then we cannot seem to get enough of each other; it's like a drug. We're always looking for ways to escape together and have sex. We've done it in my bed, on the floor of my old bedroom when we were moving out, on my couch, in my parents swimming pool and on their guest bed, on our boss's couch, and in my car while parked in her parents' driveway.

Every time we would go out with our coworkers, April and I would find some way to leave and meet up later. It reached the point where I would go out every night just to get a chance to see her. We would drive all over the city, just smoking cigarettes and talking. The more time we spent together, the more I knew that I was falling in love with her. I hadn't felt any affection towards my wife in quite some time, and my wife didn't seem to miss me much at all, never questioning why I was going out to the bars every night of the week.

I'm currently in the process of getting a divorce, but not because I'm having an affair. No one knows about April and I, and for 6 months I haven't been able to tell a soul about this. We're already planning our future together, we just have wait for the paperwork to get done so I can finalize my divorce. Once it's finished, we're going to keep our relationship a secret for 2 more months before we pretend to start dating.

I've never met a woman as cunning or as smart as April, and sometimes we scare ourselves with how good we both are at living this lie. It's been a giant game that has consumed both of our lives for the majority of this year, and I cannot wait to be with April openly.

Pimpsolo fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Aug 22, 2005

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 16:58

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I don't let myself get close to anyone, friends or family. I'm 18, and have had several chances of getting into a relationship, but never taken any of them. Girls have even asked me out, and I've turned them down because I prefer one-night things to relationships any day.

Hot girl sitting on my lap and talking dirty at a party while I'm drunk out of my head? Yeah, I'll just feel you up a bit and not care about you after that.

Incredibly hot girl(happens to be a very close mates sister) constantly making me touch her and flirting with me for days? Sure, I'll just call you a ho,make you cry, and move on.

Girls grinding with me on the dance floor at a rave? Whatever, I'll have my fun and then forget about you.

I never divulge any of my secrets to any friends or family, and my family call me a stone hearted bastard who doesn't care about anything. I fear they may be right.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 33, I had an ongoing sexual relationship with a 16 year-old girl. We had sex hundreds of times, in every imaginable way not involving animals, over about two years. Once, I had a threeway with her and her 16 year-old best friend. During that same period, the friend was also sleeping with her stepfather.

While all of this was going on, I had very respectable, relatively high-profile job, and was, and still am, highly respected in my profession and the community. I dated a number of respectable professional women my own age, all the while continuing to gently caress the 16 year-old.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think robo oval office is hot and have spanked it more than once to her profile pic.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Since I was a teenager, I've been stimulating my rear end for sexual pleasure. First with my fingers, then with foreign objects. I have hosed myself using various suitably shaped bottles from the bathroom. I have also held the handle of an electric toothbrush to my anus and been stimulated without penetration that way. I once achieved orgasm with a miniature shampoo bottle from a hotel room inserted wholly into my rectum.

In addition to this, I've stimulated my penis orally. Despite not being flexible enough to achieve suction, I have on some occasions brought myself to orgasm using stimulation from my tongue, and subsequently swallowed the ejaculate.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'll probably end up all over the spectrum here.

- Had sex with a married chick that I (used to) work with when I was 25 yrs. old because she was unhappy in her marriage with her husband. Twice. When she started to mention that she liked me and thought that maybe she wanted to leave her husband, I realized I didn't want the attachment and cut off all contact with her.

- I don't do a drat thing for my job. Seriously. I'm the network manager for a large university making $70k+, and I don't do anything. My day consists of this forum, the Warcraft forums, various other forums, downloading videos, and checking email. I've thought about buying myself a new work PC with a kickin' video card for game playing, but I don't feel that I should cross that line lest I never look back. And it's not that I don't have stuff to do...I have a crapton of stuff that needs done.

- Part of me justifies the above by thinking that a lot of sysadmins don't do a drat thing unless things are pretty badly broken.

- I have a Fleshlight that I keep hidden from my fiance. She believes in "no sex before marriage". We will occasionally mutually masturbate each other, but at most that happens once a month. She seems to want to do sexual things, but does not in order to not be tempted. Part of me knows that the frequency of uor sexual contact will not increase after marriage, and I've already looked online to find some of the areas better sexual therapists for her/us.

- She hates porn. I have several gig of it on a server that is not very well hidden. She would be *extremely* upset if she found it because I've told her several times that I do not have any.

- I have stolen multiple piece of hardware from teh above job. My home PC, flat monitor, ATI 9800XT Pro and MAME machine have all been funded by work. I am considering actually putting money in my department budget next year for a small personal "slush fund" for toys that I need to buy myself.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I hate my friends. In fact, I hate everyone. They wear me out.

I long for solitude, so I can relax a little from the elaborate
charade of being a nice, helpful, eloquent, charming young man whom
everyone instantly likes. I despise them, and their pitiful little
problems, and nagging voices, and their worthless lives. I loving hate
their guts. I don't have a true friend in the whole world, and I love it.
I am an expert liar, and I can manipulate people into thinking well of me
with little effort, something which I often do. I stage circumstances
where I can put myself in a positive light to gain influence over others,
and I am pretty loving good at it. I pride myself on my ability to
manipulate and gently caress people over, and keep hidden. I have absolutely no
morality, and will only refrain from stealing, lying and cheating if I
know I will not get caught. My only true fear is that some telepathic
freak one day will meet me and look through my fake facade and tell
everyone what I really am. One of my friends tells me often when she's
drunk, how much she respects and adores me. She is very probably also
secretly infatuated with me. Hearing her ramble, I spy her well-toned
body and ponder whether it would be worthwhile loving her silly under
the guile of romantic love and then dump her in an ugly manner. Just for
fun. Of course, that would ruin my image as an all-around gentle, smart,
kind, handsome young man, so I let it be, but I enjoy the sense of power
knowing I could fully well do it.

God help them all if they knew just what kind of monster I am.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am almost 16, and get off on cartoon/furry/shota/lolikon regularly. I have gotten off to teen model sites(but not the ones that are like 10-12) and bestiality before, the beastiality I kind of regret now that I think about it. I do not regret the others. I do not like girls much younger than myself in real life. I still enjoy normal, girl/boy porno. I frequent SA despite the anti-furry stance.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

i have severe ego problems and lead girls on to make myself feel better. I
have been dating one girl, a catholic whom i took the virginity of a year
ago and another girl at the same time for the last four months. neither girl
knows about the other and both are in love with me. i tell each that im in
love with them but i just really like the sex. I have profiles on
adultfriendfinder and ashley madison and have been meeting random girls and
couples for sex. both girls im dating would be furious if they found out
about the other or the other people im seeing. on more then one occasion
i've had sex with 3 or more girls in the same day without washing between.
i've been asked multiple times if im having an affair and every time im
asked i get mad at the girl asking and make them feel terrible for bringing
it up. i really am the worst kind of rear end in a top hat

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

People keep asking me when I'm going to move out of my parents house and become a real adult. Probably when my mother dies I think. You see, my mother is sick so she needs me around to take care of her and my 8 year old brother. To work to make income so we can pay bills and what not. We get state help and that honestly helps us get by, I don't think we could make it without it. But really, taking care of my mother gives my life purpose and I doubt I could go on without it. I don't care about sex or relationships, just helping her. This has pretty much killed any social life I once had. I stay at home most of the time playing games with my door open so I can hear if she needs anything. Call me a Momma's boy if you'd like but shes the only thing I really care about.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

All the people in the thread posting "Oh poor depressed you if only i could help you" disgust me because i strongly believe they don't actually care for them at all but going all compassionate on strangers gives them a big selfrighteous rubbery one. They probably believe they are actually being compassionate but in reality they are just delusional in their masturbatory drivel.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I pick my nose and then I eat my boogers.

There was a lot of this in that one thread, if I remember correctly, you're not alone.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've had sex with shemales several times.

I cheated on my girlfriend with a girl once, and this girl started to fall in love with me. I started to tell her afterwards that sometimes I like to picture myself killing people, and that it gives me near sexual satisfaction. She stopped bothering me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think I want to break up with my girlfriend, she is a complete bitch 90% of the time.
She never wants sex, and yells at me when I try to get her in the mood.
I'm just to scared to break up with her. Even though she acts like a cow I don't want to hurt her.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I dont like it but I beat my girlfriends dogs sometimes when they wont go to the bathroom or piss in my house. They really get on my nerves. Its not like im anti animal, quite the opposite but when they piss in my house or are taking forever to go to the bathroom when we need to walk them at night I dont like to wait forever.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I chat up girls 2 years younger than me because they are easier

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. This is my second confession
(the first was earlier in this thread).

When I was in 6th grade, I was staying after school for a little while
until my mom picked me up. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw a
notebook on the ground. I picked it up and headed to the bathroom to
read it. It had homework due the next day, notes, various scribbles,
you know, the usual. Instead of returning the notebook to the floor, I
decided to rip the notebook apart, tearing every piece of paper, and
flushing it down the toilet. Naturally, the toilet wouldn't take most
of it, and it got clogged. The janitor found it that night. I don't
know why I did that, but just after I did it, I felt bad about it, and
still do.

When I was 11 or 12 years old, I shot a mother robin with a BB gun -
the first shot knocked it to the ground, and it was probably already
dead, but I felt the need to shoot it a couple more times. Who knows
what happened to the babies, but I do know that I feel horrible about
doing this. Even seeing The Simpsons episode when Bart does the same
thing makes me feel like poo poo.

Hate is a sin, isn't it? Well I hate George Bush, everyone in his
administration, and everyone who voted for him. They have ruined this
country, and everything it stands for. It isn't Republicans I hate,
it's more or less the conservatives (some may say they are one in the
same, but I see a difference). If they all fell off the Earth
tomorrow, I would be extremely happy, and the world would instantly be
a better, healthier, safer, and smarter place to live.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

my best friend and i used to lie about our ages on the internet and
get guys to fall head over heels for us when we were 13-14. we'd gently caress
with so many people online and laugh about it and not realize how
demented we were. we also met a bunch of 20 something year old guys
when we were the same age and i'm completetly baffled that we weren't
ever raped or kidnapped.

i just threw away the perfect life with a rich celebrity because he's
too much of a whiner and i wasn't ready for marriage. i do love him,
but i've missed my chance.

when i was 5 or 6 me and my best friend at the time used to sit in
front of the jets in the pool and masturbate. we'd also make my cat go
down there and lick sometimes. other times when i didn't feel like
getting off i'd sit there and hold a conversation with her while she
humped her pillow and wouldn't think anything of it. i used to sit in
the bathroom with that same girl while she number 2'd and read or talk
to her, just because she asked me to and wanted someone to sit in
there with her.

i lied about having an abusive relationship with one of the sweetest
guys in the entire world and i have no idea why i did that.

everytime i'm driving i wish i would get into a car accident, but not
one that would jeapordize my life, just put me in the hospital for a
few days.

i love the guy i'm dating even though he can be an rear end in a top hat a lot and i
really wish it would work out forever with him because he's so
amazing, but i feel like i do nothing but bother him now and he uses
me only for sex sometimes. i think that and then realize he always
tells me we should lay and watch a movie together instead and we do,
then i get upset because we didn't have sex and he just thinks i'm
batshit insane. we have the most mindblowing sex though and i wish
he'd give it to me all the time without a condom on but i'm not on
birth control because of money restrictions and lack of insurance and
it makes me really angry sometimes.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was in school with network access available, I would change the name of a folder with the student's last names to something humourous or hateful. For example, "Kim" because "Kimberly" and "MacPherson" became "MacBigfatbitch". Never got caught, since the networks had little security. I did this before the internet became popular, before 2000. I also admit that after I graduated from high school, I sent malicious web site links to people I would never see again such as a gaming URL that actually lead to a site with the goatse image while their speakers blast out "HEY EVERYONE I'M LOOK AT GAY PORNO!".

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have not had a confession in over ten years. Maybe longer it's been, but I can't remember.

I was a lonely nerd in college when I discovered teaching English in Japan. I'm not a bad looking guy, but I just had really bad luck with women all through high school and college. I went over there thinking that I would learn about samurai spirit and martial discipline. I never did anything except blunder through work, drink too much, and have lots of unprotected sex.

I was placed in Japan, and I lived really close to Osaka. I would teach English at a state-funded high school from Monday through Friday, but as soon as I finished work on Friday I would run to Osaka and party like crazy. I took advantage of my ethnicity so I could have sex with girls. I once had sex with two girls at the same time, and they had sex with each other as well. I was like a god and I would have stayed there forever, but my dad died and I had to move back to Hallifax and help my mom and sister.

I'm still crazy about asian women but I'm too old to become an english teacher again so I just masturbate to any asian pornography I can find. I hate white women and I haven't had a date since 1996.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've soiled pre-made kosher foods, substituting chicken with pieces of pork in sandwiches, salads and wraps. I've also cooked kosher foods and marinated in bacon grease.

Heheheh.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

As much as I love the forums, Lowtax is the most unfunny writer, and it
makes me sick to see his ask/tell threads get swamped where other good ones
are just ignored (like the language one). Then someone says something he
doesn't like and he runs off to the cesspool of ignorance that is FYAD to
complain and get his arse licked.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

At a college internet cafe I logged onto SA and found a user left themselves logged in. I posted a thread that got them autobanned . I feel slightly bad about it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've hosed one of the SA mods.

I've hosed an old-school popular poster

I sometimes think about doing a banme and posting this info just for the drama fallout.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father. It's no effort for me to say I love you to a girl that i'm going out with, because i never mean it. I've never met a girl i cared about. When it comes to relationships i'm a liar - i lie about my opinions, i lie about my feelings for them and I never open up to them even if they bare their heart to me. Worse than that - i'll happily tell my friends the things i find out. I've also never met a girl i've considered more intelligent than myself - or even close to the same intellect. Perhaps thats the reason i'm such a liar. no respect.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

A while ago, someone posted a link to a site where the owners made and
sold dildos based on animal penises.

I really, really want to get one of them - one of the dog ones, to be exact.

I don't want to actually gently caress a dog, but I really really want one of
those dog dildos. I just think it would be fun.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

A few years ago I had a horrific experience in another forum, which
ended in leaving me feeling wildly unpopular and embarrassed for
myself. This was due to being young, and misjudging the type of
posting that was appropriate for the forum involved. I was accused of
being an attention whore and a cocktease.
My friend paid for me to become a goon, in the hopes that I would not
be discouraged to post again in a new environment. He said that SA
would be more accepting of me than all the assholes on the other
forum. I think he's full of poo poo. I still have not admitted to him
that the reason I have never made a single post in the last 3 years is
because I am too afraid of rejection from another group of anonymous
online personalities.
Every time I feel like posting I go back to the old forum and search
for my name. They still talk about me, three years later. Some of them
say they miss me, and for some bizarre reason this matters to me a
great deal. I have an extremely active social life and I shouldn't
care about random people from the internet.
But I miss them too.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am happily married since 5 years back. My wife is the coach of a cheerleading team. One girl on the team is simply the hottest thing I have ever seen and I can't stop thinking about how I want to bang her brains out. She is 17.

:�-(

American Beauty?

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 17, a trio of former friends and I were walking home through a questionable neighborhood. An old man started following us and we noticed he was stumbling and appeared intoxicated.

He approached us and asked for some money. We told him no and realized he was a crack head. He started pleading, and asked several more times before one of my group told him to "Get the gently caress away, before I make you go away!"

The man then grabbed my friend by the arm, and yelled "Hey man, gently caress You!" My friend pulled out his butterfly knife and stabbed the guy about six times. I can still hear his scream, and see him crumpled up into a ball on the sidewalk, blood pooling at his side. He started crying and saying "Poppa, why'd you stab me...Poppa! Why!" We all stood there, stunned for a moment. We then ran, and ran, and ran. Until my chest felt like it was going to explode. The entire time thinking in my mind "Accessory to murder" "Accessory to murder."

loving poo poo...This is the only time Ive ever confessed to witnessing a murder. The man died and was on the news. They said he was 65. We never told anyone. We kept it a secret.

God forgive me for not having the balls to turn my former friend in.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My parents give me a lot of money so I can go to college, around $1000 a month, I should have finished this June, but because I hosed up I need another two years to finish. Meanwile I have failed four out of five courses I took and I haven't studied anything at all, my exams start tomorrow and I don't know what am going to do.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm *this* close to killing a guy I know. I am dead serious. He used to be my friend and he stole everything I had built for myself. I came really close to killing him 2 years ago, I didn't do it because I decided to talk to a therapist and to take some medication. Now I'm off my medication and I still think about killing him. The only thing that stops me from doing that is the fact that I have a girlfriend. If she breaks up with me I'm afraid I'll give in to my murderous instincts.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My step mother is a frigid bitch who makes my dad miserable. Not only is she ruining his life, but she is a complete whore. She is one of those "trophy wives" that old rich guys like to marry, so she gets whatever she wants and never has to work to get anything, my dad pays for it all.

About a year ago I accidentally walked in on her while she was in the bath. She told me that i was a "dirty boy" and that I needed to clean myself, so i took off my clothes and got in the tub with her. She hosed my brains out and gave me the best blow job I've ever had. Since then I've given her head a dozen times, she's sucked my cock about twice a month, and we gently caress almost every week, several times in the same bathtub where we first started having sex. She was the first woman to let me gently caress her up the rear end. My dad has no idea.

Pimpsolo fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Aug 22, 2005

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 17:46

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I feel like an academic fraud. In the space of my four year degree, I outright fabricated mountains of data on dozens of reports and projects, which is the sort of thing that'll get you kicked out no questions asked. I also did the absolute bare minimum of research/reading required to get reports done, and padded my bibliographies with references I hadn't come close to reading. I justify all of this by saying to myself that at least I've never done the "copy & paste" style of plagarism, although it hardly makes a difference at this point. I got quite good at pulling good reports out of my rear end at the last possible minute, so in the end I managed to do fairly well with my degree and am now doing post-graduate research, but I feel so massively underqualified to be doing it, and am absolutely terrified of what will happen when I try to use my degree to get a job when it becomes clear that nothing I've studied has really stuck with me. Somewhat related is the fact that I have no loving idea where I'm headed in life, and never have, so I've changed the direction of my studies at least four times, which means I have no depth of knowledge about anything.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

when i was a hormone-ridden adolecent, i used to put on my mom's lingerie and masturbate.

This seems to be an ongoing theme that I'm really glad I haven't experianced, or had the urge to.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have nenver confessed to anybody outside of my immediate family what I am about to confess. To save time and space, I will simply list the facts, rather than explain the backstory.

-When I was nine I had been 'saved' at the church I was attending. As was customary in this place, the baptisms took place in the river behind the church, and were performed by the preacher, with the father helping. My stepfather held me down for almost 2 minutes. I had to be ressucitated.

-When I was 10 my friends found a hobo camp out in the woods near my home. We found a box filled with polaroids of naked children. I hid them in my Brother's room and when found my stepfather broke his arm.

-My stepfather was a sadist with a mocking twist of southern baptist flair. He used to torture my brother and I, and have sex with our older sister. He would always make me cry, then throw a knife in my lap and tell me to kill myself if I was so unhappy, asking me how much I thought God would hate me and send me to hell. Please note that he and my mother ran the sundayschool at the southern baptist church we attended.

-At the age of 12 I was diagnosed as having ADD (Which turned out to be Asperger Syndrome) and placed on Ritalin. The night I first started the ritalin he told me he hopes it kills me. Since then he took me to ten different psychologists and got me on more medications. By time I was 13 I was on Ritalin, Prozac, Zyprexa and Zoloft (Yes, at the age of 13, and not 18). The combination of drugs essentially made me a zombie. For the three months I was on that final cocktail, I remember nothing. All that I remember was that I fell asleep in my bed feeling light-headed, and woke up handcuffed to a hospital bed. I had gotten a 'F' in one of my middleschool courses. I apparently told my mother that it was my stepfather's fault that I couldn't concentrate. He tried to attack me again, and I stabbed the knife he so loved throwing into my lap into his crotch.

-I was being charged with attempted murder. He showed up first thing when he found I was awake, and he and I had a chat. This was the last time we spoke. He told me flatly that he would drop the charges, if I agreed to never come back to the house. As for the bruises and scars on my body? they were considered self-inflicted, as I had been currently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I stayed on the Zyprexa for two years before they found out what I really had.

-To this day I am a nonviolent person. I avoid conflict where I can (But will not hesitate to protect myself and my family should the need arise). And Generally, people consider me a nice guy, if not a smartass pretentious artfag. Except for one thing: I get off on fantasizing about killing my stepfather. I know where he lives, where he works, the woman he's currently married to, and even what his favorite food is. I relish in the thought of hogtying him and stringing his entrails across the room then loving him hard in the rear end. I have never held a grudge against anybody in my entire life but him. Then, and maybe then, I can hate myself a little less.

To note, I no longer go to church. I'm now a deist.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

II was considering finding some illegals to do alot of yard work one day and as soon as they were done i was going to give them some cash to get some drinks so then they could come back for there payment. I then would call the police and tell them they looked shady and might be illegal and not have to pay for their services.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am a furry. Even though furries are accepted on SA now, I keep my identity hidden.

Yes, they're accepted.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 5 my oldest brothers friend banged me and my younger brother. My brother and I didn't think anything was wrong with it.
When I told my parents a year later I said he only did it to my younger brother because I was embarassed.

When I was 9 I used to sleep with my cousin, I couldn't get an erection at that age.. so it was more rubbing. But we used to have baths together "To save water".
After she moved out she called my parents telling them what happend. I denied it, because yet again I was embarassed. She ended up getting checked by a doctor to see if she was still a virgin, she was.

I think both times I wasn't the one in control really. Or really knew what I was doing. I'm the most normal out of all of my family, so if anything I've turned out better because of it.. that sounds wrong.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I sometimes masterbate by pushing my penis between my butt cheeks. I can do this because my penis bends to the left.

I have a great desire to taste my own come but always chicken out. However, I've tasted my precome so maybe I will one of these days.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm halfway to becoming a full blown drug addict, and I don't care in the least. I'm contemplating dropping out of college, which would absolutely crush my parents' hopes for my future (neither of them had the opportunity to go to a university). I'm more sexually deviant than any person I have yet to meet in this life, and that scares me. Also, I have never had any desire to be in a relationship. None. Zero. Not only does it bother the occasional crazy girl who wants to date me, it bothers me too. Why the hell can't I just conform? This brings up my biggest problem; I've wanted to kill myself since I was roughly 8 years old. Yes, that long ago I was thinking up all sorts of different ways to end my life, and I have been literally every day since then. I guess I kind of get used to it, but it's still hell having to exist in this limbo between being able to get by and wanting to blow my brains out. I also have a few suicide attempts under my belt, which I of course hosed up because I was too scared shitless about the afterlife (despite being an unwavering atheist). Thanks to this, I have multiple deep scars very plainly visible on my arm. Every time someone asks me about them I have to smile and make up some ridiculous lie about how I got them. God, I have so much more hosed up poo poo to contribute but I'm depressing myself even more just reading what I have already.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I felt up, and grabbed some girl's crotch in a bar when I was 15 and I dont even know why, it's like something simply overpowered and possessed me. She was so very upset, she burst into tears of rage and stormed out of the bar, whilst I guffawed loudly. I find it very difficult to forgive myself 8 years later. Btw I'm female.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm getting married soon to a wonderful guy. His family are lovely too me and very welcoming but I can't help feel guilty that I can't have his children. He knows, though they dont, that I had a sex change a while back. I'd explain to them, but I don't want to hurt anybody. Being barren is something very difficult to live with.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to rough-house with this stray I picked up. She'd run away but I'd always find her and pick her up again. Being a kid I didn't realise or care how delicate she was and having a lovely little personality, she never fought against me. One day she disappeared and never came back, I cried for days.

I know that I hurt her and I hate myself for that. I haven't let myself keep a cat since then, yet I daydream about her almost daily. She was a wonderful wee creature. I miss you Sphinxy. I'm so sorry for my immaturity, I never meant to hurt you. Rest in heaven baby. I love you.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Rich doesn't know I'm still here, but I still think about him often and I'm sorry for everything I did to him a few years ago. I'm glad to see he got married and now has a beautiful daughter, but it makes me sad because it should have been me if I just kept everything in check.

Sorry Rich.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I sleep at work from time to time.

It's a boring desk job and sometimes I just can't keep my eyes open. It has something to do with my medication.

I even once tried to write a program that would alt-tab and navigate windows once in a while to make it look like I was working.

The program would also play random mouse-click and keyboard-click noises.

I wish i could have gotten it to work.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

every night somwhere between 9:00 and 10:00 i have an overwhelming and uncontrolable urge to cry.

i dont always, but the feeling is there all the same.

i dont know why. maybe becuase my paxil that i take in the morning is starting to wear off.

i hope that's all it is.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I jerk it routinely to more than 80gb of encrypted animal porn, at first i felt incrediby ashamed having such a horrible fetish but after several years i no longer understand what upsets everyone so much about beastiality, as long as the animal is enjoying itself.
I don't think any psychiatrist in the world could fix me and i will most likely die a virgin.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Last time I was at the hospital for an operation, the doctor had to put his finger up my anus. It was unpleasant at first although I had to stop myself from saying "oh its not that bad actually". I am not attracted to men whatsoever and am thinking of asking my girlfriend to do this next time we gently caress. I'm not sure how to say "the doc fingered my arse and I want you to aswell"

I have bullied lots of people into depression.
I'm sorry guys

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a urine fetish. Last night I drank two bottles of my own urine while masturbating. No joke. Also, recently, I've been experimenting with a diaper fetish and I'm finding it really hot.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I spend way too much time surfing the forums, even thought I'm not a member. By the way, could people please stop saying things along the lines of "Seriously, the misogyny of this forum is scary sometimes."? The problem is that everybody thereafter agrees with it, thus disproving the point - and it's always in response to only about 2 peoples' comments.
Also, I am into BDSM and it makes me feel really guilty. I was brought up to be nice, and, yet, well, I enjoy hurting people.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I gave 3 blowjobs to three different goons at gooncon, and one of them asked to marry me 6 months later, even though we only casually talked after that.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 15, my half brothers half sister was visiting over the summer. She was my first real sexual exploit. We humped all summer long. That is until she started hinting at a real relationship, I then got an actual girlfriend just to chase her off. Also, the first time we did it I came in her because I did not know any better. Sometimes I still masturbate to the memories.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think mroach getting banned was bullshit. And, no, I don't know him. There's my confession.

Also, Spokkerjones was the best admin ever.

Ozma is a fatty fat fatenstein and a lovely poster who often contradicts herself and flat out lies to back up her grudges, bannings, and crappy posts. Nobody calls her on it because she's an admin (although spokker and EPG have a few times).

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Some times, when my boyfriend just isn't getting the job done, I get a mental image of me being hosed by a german shepherd or or wolf-looking dog. It gets me off everytime.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Goddamn it feels good to spoon with my best friend. Haven't seen her in a year, I miss the smell of her golden hair. My boyfriend knows and isn't even angry and I feel slightly guilty because whilst he is my consummate lover, partner and mate, a little part of me will always yearn to hold her.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Whenever I post in GBS and I see Lacey and 666 respond to each other in a "oh, you!!!" sort of way, it makes me wonder if they are really the same person, using some sort of VPN to post from completely diffrent IPs. Seriously...Those two are some loving annoying, I can't even bring myself to troll them though, lest I sully my good name. It's either titty-twisting in a sappy, cute sort of way, or they are just dying to bone each other rear end to rear end with a ps3 controller.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I lolled my head off at 9/11 and the tsunami. Part of me knew it was absolutely terrible but other parts loved it.

I hate religious people and wonder how so many seemingly intelligent people can buy into that bullshit because they're scared of dying.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

-I sort of like the extra attention that you get at goon meets/whatever just for the fact that I'm a girl goon.

-I HATE with a firey passion the guy that sits in the next cube over from me. When he talks to me, I respond cordially, but in my head, I'm appending "you worthless sack of poo poo" to whatever I say.

-I browse the forums A LOT at work, just because I don't give two shits about what I do. I also turn around and complain because I'm not getting promoted.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Closeenough is super cute

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

I confess, I cheated on my ex-boyfriend (who was mentally and verbally abusing me) with my then-best friend (who is a total sweetheart and my wonderful boyfriend of the last two years) and when the ex asked me about it I lied through my teeth. This went on for nearly three months before I got up the nerve to ignore his threats and guilt trips to dump him.
Now, even though I know how bad he was to me and how well my new boyfriend treats me, I still get the occasional pang of regret for the way things went. And since I've always considered cheating the worst thing a person can do to someone they care about, I tend to preach to people who admit they've cheated even though I am guilty too, maybe because I feel so wrong about what I did and am trying to compensate by telling others not to make my mistake.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I account share with multiple other people. I never post for fear of being caught. I�m also not sure if the original owner of the account even remembers/knows that I use it.

I have this thing where I hate groups of people, organizations, or �types� of people because I really want their acceptance. I know that the fact that I need their approval so much makes me the kind of person they would not want to be friends with. This need for approval leads me to compulsively act in all kinds of ways I normally would not. I don�t have a concept of acting like myself - I just approximate what I think other people will like and form a prototype for myself. Eventually, the hatred/need-for-acceptance/alternate-personality thing spirals out of control and the group I�ve tried to ingratiate myself to hates me and ridicules me. I maintain that I absolutely �hate� these past groups to everyone I know, and usually act elitist and site how moronic or immature they are. I do this because I would rather look like a grouchy, judgmental rear end in a top hat than a needy anti-social loser.

For the reasons described in the last paragraph, I never have (and never will) buy an SA account, because I know I will post and start my cycle, and it will end with me being ridiculed and/or banned.

I let myself get fat when I have a girlfriend because I don�t have to worry about looking good to attract women.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I really want to get an account on the forums. I had the money once apon a time but my friends card wasn't activated. I didn't bother signing up again.

I miss Ask/Tell...

If there is someone who can bring more somethingawful to my life:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am abosultely terrified of ghosts, yet at the same time have grown obsessed with them. I constantly read the ghost stories on SA and elsewhere, and watch any show on TV about them. I can't sleep in the dark now, and can't go into a room without a light on. I am so terrified of seeing a ghost that I only get about 3 hours of sleep a day, if I can sleep.

I also used to sniff glue for hours on end when I was a sophomore in high school. I'm sure that I have huge amounts of brain damage from it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

One time, when I was in grade one a girl came into day-care before school with an eye-patch on. When I saw her out of the corner of my eye I went "yarrrr" to mock it. She had been poked in the eye the day before and it was under doctor's orders that she was wearing it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm 20 and I'm loving clueless with girls. I have no idea how to act or talk to girls. When I do, it feels incredibily awkward and I know she feels awkward as well. I'm so scared of the whole dating thing, because I would have no idea what to do. I feel depressed looking at all my friends who are just a geeky as I am but have girlfriends.

In high school I would sometimes imagine situations where a girl I had a crush on would reject me. I imagine going up to her and asking her out. She would respond by telling me how worthless I am or asking herself why should ever go out with a guy like me. I keep imagining these situations until I cried, because it made me feel better.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

HULLO Internet!

I'm 23 and have no social life. I mean really, no friends left at all at this stage. Not even a single internet pal.
And with that, no sexlife except ol righty. The no sex is the least of my worries though.

In my childhood and early teens I had lots of friends and was very social. I drank and partied alot in my early teens, those were times I remember fondly. Around sixteen I tried to change my personality to fit in as I started at a new school. I had some great classmates there but I started to grow more and more insecure for some reason. I became increasingly socially neurotic and withdrawn.

By the time I had graduated at age 18 I collapsed quietly into myself. No drama, no cry for help type stuff. I just live with my parents(who are way to nice to kick me out), unemployed(because I'm frankly too scared to find work). I have ambitions and I know I could go somewhere in life easily if I just weren't so loving scared of new situations and people. I don't think I have a serious psychological problem that would require a healthy pill diet, nor do I think I have agora phobia or anything like that. Absolutely no suicidal thoughts; I do actually really want to live.

I don't know why I have shunned my old friends and people around me. There has been no serious drama or trauma in my life. I'm just stuck living in limbo and it's my own fault for some reason. So yeah, thanks for reading, random Internet people.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I just spent the first 4 hours at work reading this thread.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

This is less of a sinful confessional, and more of a
skeleton-in-the-closet confessional. Like a couple of other posters
in the thread, I've pretty much figured out that I'm transgendered
myself. I envy the goon who transitioned at 18 and is living as a
girl. I'm not terribly far ahead of her, but I wish I had this poo poo
figured out back then. My biggest fear is going through and winding
up as nothing more than a creature that's neither here nor there.

And much like another poster, I have always been uncomfortable with
myself as a guy. Throughout my whole life there have been some pretty
big warning signs that this was coming. I've been somewhat of an
active cross dresser for the last five years, and first started cross
dressing when I was 13. I've finally come to acceptance over it, and
decided to stop running from it (which I've tried very hard to do).
But ever since then, it's been haunting me. To the point, in fact,
that everyone is starting to take notice. My friends saw right
through me, noticed something was really bothering me, and asked when
the meteors were going to hit. Figuring what the hell, I told them
how I felt. They hugged me and said they were gonna accept me no
matter what. That gives me courage right there. I think my family is
starting to take notice, too. I've only told my sister... I'll
probably tell my brother next, who is also a goon.

I've always been very petite for a guy, so rather than fight and run
from it any long, I'm just going to flat out embrace it and see how
well this fits. It's time for girl powers to activate, so I'm taking
steps to feminize a bit. I stopped cutting my hair months ago, gonna
get my eyebrows done, dress up in full, and eventually head out into
the world. That sure does sound easy, but by God this is the most
difficult thing I've ever encountered in my life, now that I'm looking
at the very real possibility of going through with it. I'm flying
solo here, alone and below the radar, as this has the possibility of
flat out destroying my massively conservative christian parents. It's
all incredibly frightening and overwhelming.

I keep telling myself that this will somehow blow over, and I'll have
made a big hullabaloo over nothing. Deep down I truly doubt that.
I'll seek out professional assistance on this whole thing sooner or
later.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 18:21

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I treat myself horribly in an effort to shorten my lifespan. I do not pursue relationships because I don't want to hurt anyone I could love by engaging in this course if actuib. I haven't elected to commit suicide because I'm terrified of the effect it could have on my family and friends. I spend alot of time alone, contemplating the prospect of living out the rest of a natural lifespan, living another 40 or so years; I keep thinking "What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?"

I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't go on with things as they are, but I can't just shoot myself either. I'm terrified of losing mental control. I'm tired and scared and I have to endure this for many, many, many more years. I'm nearly 30. I'm not even at the halfway mark yet.

I smile, and appear optimistic for those around me. I'm kind, and I'm helpful, sincere and honest. But deep within, I'm very unhappy; I am given to horrible pangs of envy and selfisness. The source of my unhappiness is a whole other confession unto itself, and there's no correcting that problem. Not without hurting the same people I'd hurt if I killed myself, and even then it would be a very, very poor solution, at best. It's too late, really.

So, I grin and I bear it.
I'm supposed to be strong, right?

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Sometimes, I starve myself for days while keeping food under my desk just to see how much willpower I have. I don't last nearly as long as I'd like.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I want nothing to do with any of my family or friends. I don't think any of them really know me anyways. I want to go away and never speak to a single one of them again.

I consider this my only alternative to suicide.

Great thread!

Thanks

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Almost every night my wife straps on a huge dildo and fucks me roughly in the rear end. I love it and moan like a whore. Sometimes she dresses me in women's clothing and makes me masturbate with her underwear. I wonder what my mother would think.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My cat once start throwing up and making GBS threads all over the place so I threw her into the wood chipper when my parents weren't home.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I grew up with 2 older brothers and always played video games and sports. I was
a tomboy for some time in middle school. Being a huge nerd and a non-fatty
chick who felt comfortable talking to and being friends with guys I always had
some of the dorkiest, usually underclassmen guys attracted to me. For me it is
incredbily obvious if a guy is interested, and I've never been wrong. Even
though I know all these guys are interested I always play 100% oblivious and
when they tried to make some kind of a move it would lightly laugh it off
because though I am confident about a lot of things I find it so much easier to
just not deal with this. If they started getting too close I would immediately
distance myself from them with no explanation, which probably sucked for them.
I hate leading people on, but rejecting guys is even harder, so I do my best to
not ever have to deal with it.

Every guy I have been involved with thus far in college has played World of
Warcraft with me. I knowingly pimp my gaming skills and nerdiness to attract
guys.

My last year has been filled with enough drama for a juicy e/n thread, and I
always have ideas for threads, but I am intimidated by goons and am afraid they
would tear me apart if I posted something.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

LOLOL DEAR MR CONFESSION MASTAR
I am one of twelve goons who shares a single gimmick account. I'm just an average goon, but the gimmick account is a very well known poster. One of the other guys went to gooncon incognito as the gimmick account and the jig was almost up when the some of us were posting while that person was supposedly attending.

I also used to converse with myself using the gimmick quite a bit until my group decided to have a non-interaction policy with our other accounts unless it was going to be absolutely hilarious.

In case your wondering, we all view the forums and post through a proxy with SA-hosted images stripped-out and other such paranoid functions.

This is also the 3rd incarnation of the group account, and the first one went very badly. He quickly became a famous poster and burned out brightly in a glorious permabanning.

I have approval to post this crap from some of the group. The others will probably poo poo their pants but that's okay.

Believe me or don't, if version 3 of the group account is permabanned, we've decided to post a thread revealing all.

You heard it here first folks.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I felt really betrayed by my ex-girlfriend by what she did after we broke
up. I made it look like I had tried to cut off all contact with her, but I
sometimes wish she'd IM me which I won't do because I'm too much of a
coward. I also made an effort to get back at her so I got drunk with a
mutual friend and slept with her to get back at my ex. Neither of us said
anything so that didn't work out. Now I feel stupid about it. and I hosed
up the relationship with the friend. I'll randomly get furious at myself
for any of these things but know I can't do a drat thing about any of them.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My first kiss was with my cousin. We were in an aunt's bed at a family function, and I told him we should kiss like they do on the Superman movies. I remember it being too wet and too temperature-hot and I tried writhing around like they do on movies. We never spoke of it after that and I never stood up for him when he was picked on throughout high school (we are the same age).

I don't count that as my first kiss, though. I consider my first kiss to have been with a wigger from the other side of town. It was the summer between 8th and 9th grade and my friend with the always-dyed hair and too-big boobs who regularly dropped acid and I rode our bikes in the searing heat to a house where parents were absent and it was understood we were going to be fooling around. I was up in his room on his bed that smelled sour, and he was showing me pictures so we could extend the tension of the inevitable. He showed me a particularly white trash picture of himself wearing overalls and no shirt with one of the shoulder things undone, and that's when he kissed me. Someone put their hand on someone's leg, and while I forget whose hand or leg it was, it was exhilirating to think somebody wanted to touch me, even if it was just because I was a warm body. I'd never used a tampon or been fingered or even masturbated with any kind of penetration, but he tried to gently caress me. The condom was yellow and his dick looked sickly as he heaved and huffed and I was spread out beneath him, a banquet of inexperience and fear.

It didn't happen because he couldn't get it in, which at the time I prided because it meant that I was too tight (isn't that what guys like?). The sun was looming over the horizon as we rode our bikes home, and I turned my face away shamefully from its lazy glare as I tried to carefully pedal through my exhaustion and confusion without putting my sore, abused oval office on the bicycle seat.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Some years ago I "hacked" or exploited a bug on the https://www.gamehacking.com forums and totally hosed their forums. They posted my IP address in their news and said something about the authorities. Obviously I was loving scared and promptly apologized to them. I didn't know much about the internet then.

I guessed some guy's proboard account password and totally ruined his forum after exploiting a bug that reset the page count to 0, thus erasing all the replies from page two onward.

Whatelse?

Did I mention I enjoy exploiting bugs and errors in forums and online games...

I use google to learn better grammer because I hosed up my education over a illrational fear.

I'm to (Pimpsolo say's you should've used "too" there. It would be funny if that was unintentional.) lazy to make sure I'm using good grammer while writting this.

When I can I'll buy an account so I can lurk more and to join in on the MSPaint/Photoshop threads. Other then that I would probably not post.

I've actually learned alot lurking GBS and D&D.

I'm the guy that was using the tubgirl/breast avatar in the MS Chat Comic thing. I thought it was funny... :/

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

On my way home from middle school, I would walk by a house that had about 3 cats lounging about in the afternoons. I would squat and call them to me, and they'd lazily saunter towards me, purring instantly the moment their faces touched my hands. Sometimes they would drool as if their ecstasy at getting pet was too much to control, and it disgusted me. Then, the fact they were so trusting angered me -- they would have loved the attention from anyone. They would look up at me with those eyes and I would stamp my sneakered heel hard on the lower end of their tails, which would make them shriek wildly and run off. I can't remember how many times I did this but it was more than once and less than 4.

Our family's had cats since then and for years cats were never kind to me, even though I craved their affection and companionship. I've always secretly believed this is because of what I once did, when I was young and was doing things just because I could. The shame has been so unbearable, but now I have a cat of my own whom I care for more than most people, and I cry when I think about her dying. I tell her often that I will always take care of her, and sometimes when she's sprawled out on the floor or curled up tightly in a box, I think she knows this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm twenty years old, and I'm a virgin. And I'm a girl. I have issues
with people touching me, so I'll probably never have sex or a lasting
relationship, because every time I get involved with someone, I end up
freaking out when things go too far for my liking, and of course you
can't expect a guy to stay in a relationship just because he likes
you. Heh. Sometimes I think well, I should just grit my teeth and
think of England, but I really honestly can't imagine having sex. I
just don't have an interest in doing it, and it seems so strange to
think of myself in that situation.

I still sort of miss an ex who broke up with me because of all of
this, even though I really did try for him.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have been lurking on the forums for about 2 years, and never felt it was necessary to pony up the 10bux for an account.

You're missin' out on a lot of 'member only forum' fun brah.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I scorn physical fappage, but am a dirty, dirty net pervert. If I didn't have yahoo messanger, I'd probably be a clean person, no porn....

The road of antiquity indeed.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father, I have sinned.

Last summer, a couple of friends and I went into a Christian Retreat down the road from one of their houses... We stole the minature church from their minature golf couse, and proceeded to set it on fire just outside the complex. (It was 3 am, and it had been raining earlier, so it didn't burn very well, nor very long, but we burned it none the less)

And I think one of the guys stole some tea from their cafeteria.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Ah where do I start?
Firstly, I when I was in 7th grade I made up this elaborate lie about how I
had been raped one night. I just wanted some attention. Eventually I told my
Mom I was lying, and I want to tell her sorry everyday, but I am too
embaressed.

Sometimes I wish a Huge national catastrophy would happen in the U.S. im not
talking trade center stuff, but much worse. Many millions dead. I live in
the U.S., I also hate when foriengers say that they hate America and George
Bush.

I still haven't told my boyfriend the truth. I have had sex with someone he
thinks I didn't, and I do have genital warts. Also, when he is going down
on me or sucking my tits I imagine that it's a girl and 90% of my fantasies
are with girls. I could never be with a girl long term though.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I sassed Mayor Wilkins in one of my confessions, and he claims to know the identity of his anonymous detractor. Well, I know who he's secretly accusing, and he's wrong. Sorry!

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I love my boyfriend to death, but sometimes I wish he was a goon too so I could talk about the forums without sounding like a total loser.

Also, before we started dating I would masturbate thinking about him all the time. Now that we're together, I only get off thinking about other people. I think it's because the "I wonder" factor is gone.

Pimpsolo fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Aug 22, 2005

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 18:37

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Spokkerjones should be remodded. There aren't that many insane,
unfunny, whiny trolls left and I think at least one of them should be
a mod.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

A few years ago I met a "girl" on an internet forum other than this
one whom I really clicked with, and even ended up buying "her" an
account. The catch was right from the start I was certain that it was
actually just another guy on the internet pretending to be a girl, and
I had caught him in the act. I just didn't know how to break it to
him without losing him as an internet friend. I now realize that was
an entirely stupid thing to worry about, especially since I eventually
went out of touch with him after a while anyway. I have wanted to try
and talk to him again, but don't have any idea how to actually get in
touch with him.

My confession is that back in elementary school I pretended to be some
really annoying bastard's friend, even though I constantly belittled
him behind his back, to get to use his cool stuff. I still know this
guy and he still considers me one of his best friends, even though I
still hate him. I also smoke, but haven't told any of my friends or
family.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I know my best friends fiancee cheats on her, she won't believe me when I
tell her that all the signs are there. Hell, I can't even hang out with them
together anymore because it makes me sick. I have no proof, except that he
is friends with my ex and encouaraged him to cheat on me, I have long since
forgiven and forgotten, but now he shows the same signs as my ex. Sometimes
I wish I could frame him and have him cheat with me, but that would be
disgusting and she would never forgive me... Back to the drawing board... I
hope she catches him before I have to pay someone to come on to him.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm only 13 and have smoked weed in abundance my weed code name is
ashaunted because I randomly start singing the haunted songs.

I post frequently at the haloplanet.com forums under the name
Ashaunted because I have no friends

I jack off in movie theaters.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a fetish for age regression (AKA people de-aging into teens, children or infants. I think there was an ALoD with it). I don't know why, and I feel really hosed up about it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I think 95% of the people posting on SA are complete human being virgins
but I read the forum to feel even better about how good my life is.
This makes me wonder if I have some sort of self esteem issues... but
then I go and gently caress my beautiful girlfriend, hop into my expensive
sports car, go have a $300 meal and then gently caress my beautiful girlfriend
again.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm can't go to sleep because of this thread. I want to read more and want one of my confessions to be replied.

Thanks alot!

You're welcome.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My current girlfriend cheated on me during a rough patch we had and I found out by reading her chat logs. I'd had a vague suspision but I really couldn't believe it. Before I left I installed a piece of key logging software which would e-mail me every 2 hours.

Originally I did it to find out the complete truth and find out if she was bullshitting me when she'd inevitably say "I'm SO sorry, it was a mistake". It worked and I'm 110% sure that I did the right thing in letting her back.

However, here is my confession: Nearly 6 months later and I still HAVE to read them. It's an addiction and I know it; I don't even suspect her of anything but it's so reassuring to know that I'll always know what she's really thinking/saying to other people.

I think I'm getting better though, I just hope I can end up trusting her like I used to. Only one person ever knew what I did, and he thinks I uninstalled ages ago.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I told a guy I was in love with him too, and I wasn't.
Then, when he was gone, I realized I probably did love him after all. We haven't really spoken since.
Now it's years later and I still wonder sometimes how he's doing and if he's okay. I'd like to try and contact him and see what he's up to, but I'm afraid it would ruin the good relationship I'm in, or just lead the guy on again.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I hate everyone who's tried to make out with me because "they're bored" or "haven't made out in awhile."

They should want to make out with me because I am loving amazing, not because I'm present.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Similar to the "pedophile but not child molester" one. I've never touched a child (well, except when I was also legally a child and they were my age) and I do not intend to break the law. However, as a 19 year old I see no moral issue with sleeping with a 13-16 year old (so long as they have started puberty) and I believe they are very much capable of consenting to me so long as I am not abusing a position of trust. *I do not like that I feel this way and I wish I did not*

I consider it unfortunate that the law disagrees with me, but I do not believe it is worth it to break that law.

Fortunately for me, as I grow older my 'age of attraction' is going up. When I was 14, I would have hosed a 9 year old. No question. Now I don't even find most 14 year olds attractive. I hope this trend continues, because 15 year olds are already illegal in my state.

I want so very badly to be only attracted to boys my age and older. I hate being like this. I want to wake up one day and be attracted to only 18+ guys. This sucks rear end.

So wait, are you male or female? This is the very reason the government shouldn't be allowed to use those "erection/stimulation test things" where they show you images of various sexually deviant material and measure the level of arousal.
While we can never understand the mentality of people like the above poster, it's important to understand that there are many people with these mental handicaps, for lack of a better term, who for whatever reason were cursed with this mentality but still have the self control to not act upon their impulses. It's rare anyone hears this side of the story. I wanted to throw my opinion in there, this thread is good for this type of discussion I think.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

From the age of six until my teen years I was raped by a Pastor at my Family's church. My youth and innocence was stripped of me and I never told my family out of fear for those I love. I am twenty five now and only a few of my friends have known along with my Shrink.

I won't let people I date see me without clothing because of the scars left behind when he liked to cut me also. I can't tell my Father because if I do he will go and kill this man and I am more close to my Father than anyone. It kills me everyday and I have tried to kill myself four times now by hanging, overdose, and even just walking across a busy freeway with my eyes closed.

It has cost me a lot of relationships, everytime I have sex with a woman I feel him and not her, when anyone even touches me my reaction is to cower and submit.

I have sat outside his house with a loaded gun, trying to justify killing him but each time I end up an emotional wreck and spend weeks in solitude.

Just last night I had to end yet another relationship and ruin the life of another woman simply because I am tainted by this. It was not fair for her so I had to break her heart so she would move on.

The sick part...I blame myself for what happened, I deserved it because if it was not me than it would have been some other child who probably wouldn't be alive now.

Because of it I have never felt happiness in my entire life.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a desire to find out what human flesh tastes like. I don't mean poo poo like "Oh, I ate some dead skin that peeled off when I had a sunburn." I mean like carving meat off of someone's thigh, cooking it up, and chowing down. It's not a craving or a blood-lust or anything, just a curiosity about the ultimate taboo.

The thing is, it would have to be fresh meat and I'd honestly prefer good meat. I mean, for example I know where this homeless woman sleeps at night and it'd be no big thing to go there around 4 in the morning, kill her, and cut off some strips of meat, but that would be like eating pigeon or opossum meat. I just can't imagine it tasting very good.

So over the years I think I've decided the best course of action would be to buy a cheap beater car, drive it at least 300 miles from where I live, and find somebody who was in good health. I imagine it would be a lot like eating veal- no cigarettes, alcohol, or other toxins to ruin the body. If I'm gonna eat people, I want it to be like eating good steak, not a McDonald's hamburger.

Anyway, I've made myself sound like a psychopath. I don't think many other people think about what people taste like, and I doubt fewer still think about it to the point where they have some sort of game plan for actually taking someone's life and eating their flesh. But like I said earlier, it's not a blood lust or a craving or a little dog in my mouth whispering to me to kill, but I am the kind of person who once he has his mind set on an idea will not let it go until he's done what he set out to do.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 19:08

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When my sister and I were in our early teens we would dry hump each other. We also had these sleepovers on the weekends. We'd invite over our friends and stay up have to night loving each other. It was like a dirty secret. No one talked about it and when we weren't doing it it didn't exist. It was just something that started to happen and everyone was happy with that so it just continued to happen

I was very fond of this chubby girl. She went down on me like she was born to do it. The best orgasms I've ever had in my life were a result of her fingerfucking me with those meaty little sausages she called fingers.

Sometimes I would bring her home with me after school during the week and licked her and finger hosed her until the sheets were soaked. Then at night I would lie awake and smell my sheets and finger myself. I had it so bad for this girl and was convinced we'd be together forever. I never thought of myself as being gay and still don't but I knew I wanted her. We were good friends and hosed often but it was never more than outside the bedroom. Still, I was sure that she was into me, too and that we'd be together forever. I fantasized about our life together. Then she got a boyfriend and it just stopped. Nothing was even said. It just stopped.

To this day I can think about her and her wonderful mouth and fingers and I'm instantly wet. The only porn that even appeals to me is lesbian porn and it's the only stuff that gets me off and I think she has a lot to do with that. I especially love the stuff with three or more girls and if a group of girls wanted to gently caress me I'd do it instantly.

It's not that I'm not attracted to men and don't want to have sex with them because I do. It's just that women are so much more appealing. I think about seducing my female friends and loving them senseless.

Even on SA I find myself clicking profiles and checking out women. I don't know if I've ever clicked a profile I didn't think was a woman.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was younger and my mother still a drunk, I was accused of molesting my cousin multiple times. As off putting as this sounds, I didn't do it, my other cousin did. He did the same thing to me but no one believed me. It only happened when he was around and I took a few beatings from my mother for it. Everyone refused to listen to me and if they would listen it was considered beyond logic to believe me. Because of this no one trusts me around children and I wasn't allowed to be alone with my own brother until he was about 4. Everyone in my family, including my mother thinks I'm a child molester and my strike again

I recently borrowed close to a thousand dollars from my cancer filled grandmother to build a new computer. I currently am waiting for her to die so I don't have to pay her back.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

(Pimpsolo say's you should've used "too" there. It would be funny if that was unintentional.)

Actually it was unintentional. I didn't proofread before I pressed send.

Now it's funny.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Hahahahaaha. I've been waiting for a way to spill the beans on this for a while, and if you post this don't surprise if it's edited or censored. To the OP: please check if it is censored and substitute words as needed.

Okay. SA SLUTS still exists, and is still run by EPG, but only in terms of enforcement. Our actual leader is a gimmick account who only posts in the hidden NUTSACKS forum. The group didn't exist for a while after SLUTS was publically revealed and dismembered, but then an off-site forum was started and grew quickly, then it failed because no means of enforcement were avalable when people decided to get pissy and make forum posts. Fortunately, nobody really cared so we were ignored. Anyway, EPG was convinced to allow the rebirth of SLUTS under a different name and this time he only needed to act as a deterrent and disciplinarian and could contribute as much as he wished. This system has turned outnicely, with the Almighty Fluffiest (AF) doing the majority of leadership duties while EPG bans and censors outside the forums according to our membership terms.

It's not like a big circlejerk, but hand-selected forum members who have shown themselves to be trustworthy, funny, and daring. Two people have to vouch for a person and any other member who objects to a new member will end their courtship. Since we had a problem with too many operations going on at once and never culminating in anything, this summer we're down to only two ops and then people can do individual stuff but not ask for help.

Okay so this is probably actually the worst-kept secret on SA, but I thought I'd inform new people so they can feel nice and left-out.

Also, anyone claiming to be involved in admissions who asks you to do post anything stupid or give up your password isn't real. You'll know you're being scouted if you can see a previously-hidden forum on the SA index that contains really basic info and instructions.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My boyfriend is alot younger than me and I'm worried when we sleep
together he will notice the difference and be turned off. So I do
keigel exercises for hours everyday. Sometimes I do them for so long I
forget to eat or even feed my own kid.

I'm just can't stop worrying and I don't think the exercizes are
working. He's flying in from Australia next month and it still looks
like someone stuffed a bomb in a cow down there.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

'peophile but not child molester' here again. I am a male, and I am attracted to boys.

Oh, and I would be scared to death of one of those tests. Hopefully scared that it wouldn't stimulate me, heh.

Oh, and shota is the porn for me. Real child porn is horrible. I can't imagine getting off on abused children. Not to mention that whole legality issue..

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

The guy who wrote this:

"Whenever I see certain well known posters make a thread I sign onto a secret AIM account and insult the gently caress out of them. Then I close AIM quickly so they can never respond."

Has sent AIM messages to me a number of times, and each time I get them I agree with him. He does AIM drivebys and just sends cruel and harsh statements to me and logs off before I can thank him.

I'm glad he does it though, because I'm addicted to the attention I get from SA when I post threads and I search for my name numerous times every day to see if anybody quotes me or mentions me. I like the fact FYAD hates me but I hate the fact that GBS loves me so much. Sometimes I think the stuff I post is funny but sometimes I post standard crap and people go on about how great it is.

I've never really found a Skrewloose or Hakan story funny, and I never thought anything posted by Therapy or Bigpeeler or Pipebomb or any of the other guys was any good, it's mostly just scatological humor and rape or murder or deviancy stuff. My favorite posters are the ones that hate me the most, I can respect them.

In real life: I constantly yearn for attention for some reason and I'm not sure why. I wish I could just be self confident without a huge need for approval, but I have low self-esteem and almost no confidence, so I always want people to like me, which is usually easy for me because I'm very charismatic and funny and witty, but I secretly think I'm smarter than everybody.

I'm fat and I can have sex with fat girls I meet off the internet fairly easily, but I don't like fat girls. I don't have the self control to lose weight or exercise so my weight will soon spiral out of control, I fear. I hate how I look so I eat to comfort myself and I look worse and then I eat more because I feel bad about it. This has been happening for years.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

If I ever broke up with my boyfriend, I'd go to
gooncon and gently caress as many goons as possible... some of
you are loving hot.

I'd then move to Penn. where a specific goon lives,
and would gently caress/date/marry him.

I often look at other girls, and think she's hot, and
want to do a three-way with her and my boyfriend. But
I'm to chicken to admit it to him.

I'm into BDSM. More specifically being a sub. I want a
guy who'll hurt me/dominate me to the point that I
can't stop cumming. I want to serve this guy, and make
sure he is happy. My boyfriend won't do this for me,
and it really bothers me sometimes.

I've had sex an average of once every two days last
year, and it's not often enough.

I want to be hosed by 2+ guys, and completely
overwhelmed by all the penis.

While I don't masturbate to the pictures of other
goons, I often wonder what their penis
looks/tastes/feels like. And it gets me horny.

I love sucking cock, and wish my bf would let me do so
whenever I wanted. Even if there were other people in
the room.

My boyfriend is a goon, and knows nothing of any of this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

ozma is an awful admin and even worse poster who somehow became an admin. she is fat and unfunny and everyone hates her. also moof is really unfunny and is only liked because its popular to do so

spokkerjones was the best admin ever

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Despite being married, I still have a used panty
fetish. Any chance I get when visiting another
woman's home, or when a woman carelessly leaves her
dirty laundry in the laundry room, I'm all over it.

I also like usenet porn way too much. You know all
those newsgroup names that make you shudder, without
even having to click on the content? Yep, I'm there.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Ozma is a really lovely admin.

All girls are sluts.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am truly a manipulative person. I have a lot of friends who are emotionally dependent on me, and I will randomly decide to say hurtful things / stop talking to them for no real reason at all. I do it in such a way that they are upset but not angry at me and beg me to be their friend again. This is fun for me, and a game. I always end up being there friend again. This scares me about myself.

I also raped a girl at a party, and she didn't tell anyone. We were all drunk and I walked her up to a room, threw her on the bed, undressed her and hosed her without a condom. She was on the pill. All the while she was whimpering and crying, which was a huge turn on for me. I told everyone she had wanted it, and so did she for some reason. I think she's a stupid whore. Of course, this never happened, and I totally made it up, since Anonamail does not allow illegal things such as this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Since I became an independent contractor who works on a mostly cash
basis around 17 years ago, I haven't paid a dime to the IRS. I doubt I
will do so any time soon. I think people who would get mad at this are
either jealous or complete tools.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

*** To the SA Confessions poster, these confessions are not bullshit,
so I would appreciate if you would post them, thanks. ***

When I was about 12 years old I was at my good friends house and
somehow the idea popped into our heads that we should have sex with
eachother so that we were properly prepared when it came time to get
down to business with our then girlfriends. I don't know what the hell
we were thinking, and I would add it up to just two hormone-driven
kids not knowing if this was right or not. Next thing I know were in
his bunkbed with a blanket over the side facing the door to secure our
privacy. I attempted to stick my penis into his 12-year old rear end in a top hat
and clearly did not know what I was doing, so I decided to let him
give it a try on me. About 10 seconds later it finally clicked in my
head that what we were doing was horribly wrong, and I told him that
we should stop and we promptly stopped. I don't think I ever talked to
him again after that incident.

Another time quite recently, I had another male offer to give me a
backrub, and since we were supposedly the best of friends, I thought
it was rather normal since there was no touching below the belt.
Needless to say this guy was a flaming homosexual and I regret ever
letting him touch me to this day.

I unfortunately neglect to give my cat his insulin for his diabeties
at times due to sheer laziness. I've had him since I was a child,
probably 6 years old, and he still lives to this day, with me now
being 17 years old. I suppose you could say that I'm tired of him and
kind of wish that he would pass away, because all he does is bitch for
his cat food every day and sleep the rest of the time.

My last confession is that when I turn 18 in a few months and receive
my high school diploma, I plan to conceive a secret getaway plan to
join the military without my family knowing beforehand. It will go
something like putting on my work clothes and say that I'm going to
work for most of the day, driving my car down to the recruiters office
and ducktaping my car key somewhere in my car so that my mom can take
it home once I am gone. While she thinks I'm at work I will be on a
plane to basic training and will have mailed out a letter explaining
what I have done.

I'm going to hell if there really is such a thing.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was young and venerable, probably around 11 or 12, I of course, like everyone else, experimented sexually with other boys. Thing is, my best friend had an older brother, who was 16 or 17 at the time I was 11 or so. Well, one day, I don't remember how it happened, but we were both in the woods together and he coaxed me into sucking his dick.

Now that I think about it, I believe this is something HE should be confessing instead of me, what kind of 17 year old lets a 11 year old boy suck his cock?

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Mayor Wilkins is an intolerable human being and i dont understand how he is liked let alone an admin. Reading his posts are like watching a kid with downs try to ride a bike.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have also been lurking for close to a year now. I still haven't paid $10 and doubt I ever will unless someone paid for me. I miss Ask/Tell and would like to read FYAD because the goldmine seems pretty funny. I have read a lot of great threads in the past few months but there has never been anything really over-the-top that has made me really want to lay down the $10 to join.

As for a confession, when I was 16, I had sex with my female cousin who was a year older than me. She was only related by marriage, but I still feel kinda awkward about it even though I haven't seen her in over 4 years.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a very serious attraction to girls around the age 13-14. I would never act on it but I do enjoy looking and spend quite a few nights checking out the updates on childsupermodels.com

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am a thief that has stolen over $30,000 in various goods over the course of my entire life. This doesn't count the value of items like "pirated" software or anything that cannot be immediately calculated. I'm talking about credit card fraud, organized scams, and identity theft which has netted me around that amount in cash. I've tried to walk the straight and narrow in life but it seems like stealing is the best thing I do. I have never been caught committing any crime either. I don't steal from friends, family, or scam people I feel bad for but I fully admit i'm still a piece of poo poo and i'm ok with that.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

forgive me father
for i have sinned

I enjoy she-male porn. Though I've never been with one I masterbate and fantasize about being with one. I've gotten two of my ex Gf's to sodomize me with a strap-on and they have gotten off on it as well. One even went so far as to make me wear her panties one time in a hotel room. She got so turned on being the top that she pratically raped me that night. After that she became the sexual dominant in the relationship.

Sometimes I miss her.

My current Gf is into anal, and is quite curious to take me for a "drive" as well.

I regret NOT trying this sooner.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I love uploading awful music to GBSFM because the comments they recieve are hilarious!

Dick!

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I weigh 555.2 pounds. I know this because I went to the doctor just yesterday for gout meds and painkillers and they had a new scale they were very proud of that would actually go up to my weight. Hurray being fat and having civil war-vet diseases.

I'm also 26 years old, male, and about 9 months ago I reached a point where I can't masturbate with my own hand. That's nothing new to me, because I haven't been able to wipe my own rear end in years (I shower about 3 times a day, though and use a special contraption to reach everywhere and spray myself clean).

I've tried all kinds of diets and regiments. I stuck with Atkins for two years and got to 450 and then couldn't lose any more. I gave up and balooned up and now I can't stand for more than about 15 minutes before, I would by physically unable to stand.

The only reason why I don't kill myself is because I'm trying to get stomach bypass surgery.

Oh, and according to the glory hole, I'm one of the top GBS posters, if that says anything.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father
for I have sinned

Once I went to a girl's house whom I had had a crush on for a long time, she had a bf but I still persisted in trying to get in her pants and I was making progress. When I got there the door was open and I went up to her room to find her loving a guy I'd never seen before. I ducked behind the door before she saw me and waited until he left to confront her. I was angry that she was doing ANOTHER guy who wasn't me I told her I'd tell her boyfriend unless she sucked me off. She did it, and I couldn't come because I felt so bad about it.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 19:34

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

Sorry, just got back from admissions, got an extention, hot.

And more:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

this is not sent through a fake email address or anything. this is my
main email address.

every day I contemplate suicide. every day I pull out a weapon of some
sort and almost do it before I realize how it would hurt those around
me and put it down.

I then think even more about it, and how I'd die a virgin if I did
that and how I would hate that.

yet the next day I do it all again.

Sometimes I dream I was murdered. I wake up alive and it's the saddest
feeling I'll ever feel.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I want to cheat on my wife.

I love the woman to death, and I don't know what I'd do without her. I
have absolutely no desire to end my relationship with her, nor do I
want to hurt her. However, she is the only woman I have ever been with
and that fact frustrates the hell out of me. I want to find some sexy,
young, kinky girl to have a fling with. Somedays it bothers me so much
I can't focus on anything else.

On that account, I've been visiting one particular stripper for a
while now. She is pretty much exactly what I am looking for. So far I
have done nothing more than kiss her, which only happened once. But I
still spend far more money on her than I should be. I know that she
only sees me as an easy mark and I'm a gullible rear end in a top hat, but still end
up going back to her. I've been doing much better on that score the
last several months, but it's still a problem.

I feel like such a shitheel.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I know that my boyfriend and I are both cam whores, and use chat programs to talk to other guys on the internet. What my boyfriend doesn't know is that I'll snoop and see who he's talked to and look at the pictures he's sent them...and masturbate thinking about all these other men loving my boyfriend. Oddly, we have great sex, but I know he secretly wants to be used like a trashy whore in bed, and I don't quite give him that.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Once I went to a girl's house whom I had had a crush on for a long time, she had a bf but I still persisted in trying to get in her pants and I was making progress. When I got there the door was open and I went up to her room to find her loving a guy I'd never seen before. I ducked behind the door before she saw me and waited until he left to confront her. I was angry that she was doing ANOTHER guy who wasn't me I told her I'd tell her boyfriend unless she sucked me off. She did it, and I couldn't come because I felt so bad about it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My friends routinely pick on me for dating "beneath" my aesthetic level. I am attracted to people who look like who they are, especially if they are comfortable and happy with who they are. I have a serious skepticism and animosity towards conventionally attractive people. But when the time comes that I am with a person who has physical flaws just like anyone else, I secretly hold it against them so I have some ammo when the time comes that we have to break up and I have to learn how to stop loving them.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I go for a swim at a local lake, I swim out far and find a rock pile I know about. I take my bathing suit off and hide it under a rock them swim around buck rear end naked. This of course always ends in me rubbing one out. In most cases there are hot moms/teenage girls near the shore. This aids in the process. I also finger my rear end.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I scratch my rear end in a top hat alot. Not just my rear end in a top hat, but the surrounding area of the rear end. I do it so much that i sometimes start to bleed from my rear end. It feels loving great.

Infact,6 months ago it got so bad ( it had only really just started) that i was convinced i must have had worms of some sort. cos you know how you see dogs with worms dragging their rear end in a top hat across the carpet? man i wish i could do that.

But anyway, i was convinced that something was wrong becuase it wasnt normal for somone to have such an itchy rear end in a top hat.

I went to see a doctor about it. after he did some tests he concluded that i don't have worms or anything wrong with my rear end and suggested that the itchyness was probably becuase i have THE hairiest rear end he has ever seen in his life.

So now i can scratch my rear end all i want safe in the knowledge that i dont have worms.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My personal life is incredibly boring so I'll talk about the forums instead if that's OK.

I'm a FYAD regular and I find it kind of disappointing that more FYAD posters don't post more outside of FYAD because they are some of the funniest and most talented posters on the forum. I think the forums are in a little bit of a rut (they're still way better than they were a few years ago) and I would love to see more people not limiting themselves to just one or two forums.

On the other hand, I also don't like it when people conduct themselves as though they're still in FYAD when they do post in other forums (with a few exceptions depending on context). I think it's silly not to differentiate between forums at all and I don't see why you can't just adapt to where you're posting and spend ten seconds thinking things out a little and at least put a little effort into being funny. What better way to pwn da poo poo out of GBS than to beat them at their own game????

I am going to regret writing this later. Or right now. Thank god this is anonymous.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Daniel Radcliffe (yes, Harry Potter) is the most attractive person on the planet. Period.

I say this as an almost 20 year old male. D:

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 12, I managed to coax my static babysitter into having sex
with me. She was 16, and we managed to have a nearly-daily sexual
relationship for about a year and a half. Best gently caress I've ever had,
though.

I hit myself every day for playing video games when I could have been
doing something with people. Wait, no. I hate people. They are lying,
deceitful bags of incompetent poo poo who drag you down and kick you in
the face before you have a chance to recover, then act like they don't
know you when you wonder what happened and why.

I thought Shadows of Luclin was a pretty fun and well-designed expansion.

Whenever anybody tries to get close to me, they are always repulsed by
my friends. They aren't bad people, but they can be innappropriate at
the worst times. I've lost so many potential
friends/girlfriends/boyfriends this way and it's really aggravating.

I know people always say, "You aren't as smart as you think you are,
and when you are older, you will find it isn't true," but I've always
found it to be a load of utter bullshit. I am smarter than other
people, and it seems like people are just stupid and need something to
cling onto to feel like they aren't the fucktards they are. I know
more, I'm wittier, I'm a faster thinker, I have more common sense, and
last of all, I'm more enlightened and open to the poo poo that this world
is. It's truly amazing the ignorance in our society and how people
live in a jaded, pseudo-reality, then wonder what happens when they
get mugged or hit by a car. I may live in a virtual reality, but I
know more about your guys' real world than you do, so stop acting like
your social life is better than mine.

I've consoled/still console grown men via email and have helped edit
several books. I just recently turned sixteen.

Nobody understands me and I easily offend people when they ask for my
opinions after something has occured. I don't mean to offend, really;
I am desensitized and give it how it really is. People always wonder
why I am not affected by most things that happen, and I wonder why
people are. Sometimes I wish I felt for people, then I realized that
they are dead or in a comatose. There is no God, so why mourn when
somebody dies?

I am also a hardcore furry. Not in the "ageplay anal unbirthing scat
fetishist" sense, but in the belief that people can be assigned
metaphorical traits based upon what scholars and writers have
stereotyped about animals and mythical creatures over the years.
Third-party spirituality and souls are nonsense. Nobody knows I'm a
furry except me as well. I don't feel the need to tell people, because
99.9% of all furries are loving retards and the people who know about
them immediately clump them into one category. I like to live in a
pseudo-dementic world because it is both entertaining and more
interesting than living life as a sheep.

I'm a hardcore atheist, and just like above, I am paradoxical in the
sense I worship the creations of man and the corrupt clockwork spiral
society seems to always work in. I love studying the different
mindsets other people had to see if I can relate to anybody, but so
far I have found none. People think I'm crazy; aloof; not all there.
I'm actually quite "all there;" it is the other way around. I may not
know absolutely everything about everything, but whenever somebody
presents new information to the table, I can always apply it to the
guidelines of my life that I, myself, have set for me in a way that
makes sense; a new piece to the puzzle.

I also look down upon those who believe in God and religion, but at
the same time realize that the standard individual needs to be opiated
in everyday life to go around doing things that an intelligent and
truly enlightened person would do normally. The concept of heaven is
silly, and it seems like a hell if anything... if it existed. To live
in an extraplanar phenomena for eternity would just be torture.

People always call me an arrogant prick (which can be true at times)
when I say I do not wish to argue with them about why/about "bush is
dumb" or why "guns are dangerous" or why "Terri Schiavo has a special
place in heaven." I tell them I've had the conversation at least a few
dozen times, and it means nothing to me to make somebody feel offended
and have their opinions unaltered.

On the other hand, I have to admit that I also have a following of
people who look to me for advice and facts as well as an enlightened
opinion on issues.

I find people who cling to groups are nothing more than followers and
need to be opiated in the same way religion does the masses.

When people die, I never feel bad, per se, but I do contemplate what
the world will be like without them, what it would have been like if
they were never born, and what it was like when they were around. My
relatives feel distant from me because when my cousin committed
suicide, I didn't feel anything. It's okay, because my female cousin
still wants to gently caress me. That's not really "okay" though.

This is also the first time I've told anybody this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

About 6 months ago, me and my girlfriend (now ex) got caught having sex, by her mother. Her mother is a well known professor at my college. I will never forget how scared shitless i was when she walked in on us. I see her mother, every once in a while, around campus. She smiles at me alittle when we make eye contact. I dont know if she knows that it was, in fact, me who hosed her daughter so hard that day... I still miss that girl. She had the best tasting pussy of any girl i have ever had the pleasure to go down on.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I sometimes go out at night and graffiti swastikas around my neighborhood in
black marker. I'm not really racist, but I like to offend. I've also drawn
big cocks and vaginas in respectable and easy to see places such as on bank
signs, mall doors and walk/don't walk signals. Then I walk by during the day
and see how long it takes them to paint over it. Often I chat with the
graffiti removal guy.

Once a guy stole my scooter (worth around $700) and the police didn't do
anything, even though I had his name. I photocopied off about 200 A4 sized
pages with the guys name and the police officers name, describing various
sexual acts they had engaged in and pasted them around town. My friends
still talk about it to this day, but they don't know I did it. I'm now in
the process of saving up enough money to hire a private detective to search
for the guy, (he moves around a lot). It's been over 2 years and the private
eye will cost more then my scooter but when I track him down I'm going to
stalk him (he won't recognize me), find his weaknesses and hit him very hard
where it hurts. Maybe set fire to his car (is he has one and I am sure it is
his) and ravage his home.

I have a very pretentious neighbor. Normally this wouldn't bother me but she
is insufferable, I won't go into details. She keeps an immaculate lawn and
for the last few weeks I've been saving up my piss and dumping it on her
lawn at night (if you don't know this kills the grass and leaves huge,
smelly brown holes all over it.) There is some kind "lawn repair" van parked
outside her house as I type this.

Last, but not least, I have had sex with three 15 and 16 year old girls
going through their "rebellious" stage. I picked them up in a park opposite
my old flat, (I am 29). All were happy, sexy girls who initiated it, had
their fun and moved on. I don't regret it at all.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I really wish that I could have some kind of forum fame on Something
Awful. Like, I wish I could have some kind of cool reputation so I
could have circlejerk threads. It's so bad that a lot of times during
the day, I just wonder what kind of threads I could make that would go
gold, and then I'd be an SA Superstar.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've been single for the past three years, and for the most part I don't care. Outside of a few abortive attempts at traditional "dating" in high school, I haven't even tried to pursue a relationship. The reason for this is that I find myself completely unable to relate to the vast majority of women intellectually. This isn't necessarily a misogynist thing, since I generally prefer hanging out with "smart" folks and most of my casual friends are what you'd call intelligent, it's simply that my standards are much higher (probably too high) for any kind of intimacy. Unless a girl is sarcastic, ambitious, and capable of mentally keeping me on my toes 100% of the time, I'm uninterested. I'll browse facebook and see tons of girls with nice bodies and cheerful dispositions whose "Favorite Books" section contains poo poo like "The DaVinci Code!" or "Anything Harry Potter!" or worst of all "I don't read lol" and shake my head at what a loving waste it is. I'll talk to girls at parties and get supremely frustrated because of their inability to discuss anything other than inane bullshit about friends or work mates or cliques or what have you; if I try and bring up politics, or science, or art, or (ye Gods) philosophy, their opinions are uninteresting or uninformed, and they listen merely to be polite rather than actively processing what someone says. I can dumb myself down and blunt my edges when casually hanging out but to do that throughout a relationship would be torturous and deceitful, so I don't even try. Ah well.

Odd side note: I've only met three girls I can remember who fit the above ideals (unfortunately all of them were either already spoken for at the time or uninterested in anything beyond friendship). All three of them, for some reason, were named Rachel.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

This is a bit long and isn't one act, but rather a general pattern of
self-pity and callousness.

My mother tried to quit smoking for a while and finally "quit" by
hiding it from us and making up excuses for being outside in a weird
place. It was so pathetic but I just didn't have the heart to talk to
her about it, in part because she expected so much from me and chewed
me out for days after finding one cigarillo in my trash. I guess I
was disgusted with her lack of self-control.

It was around this time she confessed to me one night that "everything
was just so hard" and she was scared and didn't know what to do,
things like someone contemplating suicide would say. I just brushed
this off because again I felt that she should suck it up and tough it
out just like I thought she would have made me do.

Flash forward to right after my freshman year of college, we were
going on a family vacation and my mom stopped in the terminal as we
were walking to where our flight left from, complaining of terrible
pain and heartburn. I sighed and said something along the lines of,
"Come on, we're gonna be late." while my little brother helped her and
she said, "It's nice to have someone who cares."

Later during the vacation I went out to a strip club one night not
telling anyone where I was, when I came back that morning my mom was
sick in bed, my dad said she had been worried as hell about me and we
all argued on the way back so I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.
We flew back and the next day I kinda felt bad so I took the
initiative to go mow the lawn at my father's practice, a job I
normally hated but was part of my sonly duties so I felt like I'd get
some good karma out of doing it. I stopped in my mother's room before
I went and she said, "Leave me alone, I'm not feeling good" in a blunt
tone that made me kinda angry, as I sure as hell wasn't mowing the
lawn for my sake.

While I mowed the lawn, the fact that my mom was sick led me to think
of what it would feel like and what I would do should a parent die, I
hypothesized that I'd run away or kill myself or something because
they were so important to me. I finish up and come back home and
intentionally go straight to my room to be snotty and leave my mom
alone like she said.

I was looking at porn, listening to music in my upstairs room and
heard my dad yell something later that evening, dinner's probably
ready. Five minutes passed and my dad opens the door and yells really
loudly, "Come down dammit, mom's dead". I exclaim WTF and leap
downstairs to discover my mother dead of a heart attack. She was cold
when he found her, she probably had the heart attack around the time I
came back from mowing the lawn.

This is the thing in my life I feel absolutely disgusted with myself
about, I have a few more but those were just about sex so I don't feel
they were nearly as important.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

me and another guy reported lowtax to the irs back when he was first selling forum accounts and hosting on sanethosting. the irs said they would look into it and we forgot about it then one day when lowtax went on a crazy banning spree someone asked why he was so angry and he said "you would be angry too if you just had to pay $30,000 in taxes" haha owned bitch. hope you got 30 thousand bux

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've been lurking SA religiously for over 3 years as an unregistered user. I love the forums, but I'm far too cheap to pay that greedy bastard Lowtax my hard-stolen money.
It brings me some odd joy knowing that I'm using his precious bandwidth, and his complaints about bandwidth costs just motivate me to view more threads. I also use Adblock to stick it to Filecloud and J-List.

I'm the most pathetic rebel in history.

PS: I wish Ask/Tell would be opened to the public once more.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 22:08

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I once slept with an exchange student from Japan. I got her into bed by telling her I would write to her everyday. Afterwards I wrote to her once and she sent me a letter detailing how she would kill herself if she didn't see me soon

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Nothing gets me more aroused than woman in the heights of pleasure. I
don't know why. I get off to fingering women, and I love watching porn
of lesbians and women masturbating. I guess it's a subconscious desire
to be accepted by women. I don't know.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have been dating a model for the last year and a half, she's unbelievably gorgeous and I love her, but in the way that I love my close friends. I still have strong feelings for my ex of two years ago. Anyone that has really fallen for someone will know what I'm talking about. We broke up on very bad terms, and I'm pretty sure she hates me, and I berate her when my friends bring her up in conversation, but secretly I miss the feeling of being so in love it hurts. For a long time I tried to keep up on the happenings in her life through her online endeavors (friendster, lj etc) but she abandoned the internet and now I have no idea what she is doing or how her life is going. I really want to call her up and ask her how she's doing and if nothing else would like to be friends with her because I've never felt so close to a person in my life, not even my family. It's not something that seriously depresses me, but I do think about it often. I'd like to get over it, but reading this thread where people still think about their girlfriends from 6+ years ago isn't very reassuring.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I take pornographic photos of myself, and send them to anyone who asks over IRC. ANYONE.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've been having an affair with a married goon for over a year and a half now. Not much else to say other than she's really hot and the sex is great and I feel absolutely no remorse about it at all, because her husband's a colossal dick. He even saw me buying condoms at Safeway once and made some stupid crack like "getting ready for a weekend of backdoor action?" Joke's on you, rear end in a top hat, I used 'em to bang your wife like a screendoor. And who the gently caress says "backdoor action" anyway.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Long time lurker with no account, discovered these forums first when i was 13.
And drat they were great, lots of cynical coldhearted and cool humour.
Now i am 15 and i feel i must get an account, and i will soon.
Now, enough gibberish.

Well, the problem for me is just, im an albino, or a part of me is.
(Its the thing where some of your skin lacks pigments and are drat white, rite?)
The problem is that my loving penis is well, camoflaged in different colours, (drat that sounds cool) now there is nothing wrong with it, it just looks weird.
It also makes so that i don't shower during gymclasses, wich makes other people believe i have a small penis, wich is not the case.
Is there any way to make the damned skin normal?

Also, i feel like i've never wanted any girlfriends, at home its just me and dad but i can easily talk to girls and i have dated some but drat, i just want to be for myself.
And when that tsunami hit, i smiled.
God i love being alone and on the internet.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

There was this guy who pissed some of us off one time, and he was
really stupid so we decided to take over his LiveJournal. At first it
was little things - making comments that were mildly dumb, et cetera,
but it turned into more and now his LiveJournal sits with icons
pointing out two of the culprits, Lemonparty in the background,
pictures of this guy's penis, and general stupidity all around as well
as raped userinfo.

I'm kind of sorry. I don't like having enemies.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
My chick on the side, said she got one on the way
These are my confessions, man I'm throwed and I don't know what to do
I guess I gotta give part 2 of my confessions
If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all, (all yeah, yeah)
drat near cried when I got that phone call (call)
I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do
But to give you part 2 of my confessions

Posted because Usher is really good.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:
I once got tag-teamed by a couple of football players 3 years ago. I was a cheerleader, and I wanted to go out with one of the football players. He ended up bringing his buddy to the girls' change room. They called me a slut and ruined my reputation, and now I go to a psychiatrist. I still love him.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a crush on a goon. We talk pretty much every day. I sometimes
set my alarm and interrupt my much-needed sleep in the middle of the
night just so I can talk to him. I'm not in love or anything like
that, I've never even met the guy.. but I think he's so cool. He's
funn, he's smart, he's sexy. I think we'd be great together. I
fantasize about him sexually every night, and most days - we're into
the same kinds of things and that turns me on like crazy. I'm
considering moving hundreds of miles just so we can hang out. I know
he doesn't like me as much as I like him, and moving would probably
freak him the gently caress out, and I'm sure that even if I lived next door he
wouldn't want to be more than friends. I'd just like to be around him.
He's so hot, but he doesn't see it. I know we'd probably be really bad
for each other in a relationship, but I still think it'd be worth it.

Its a shame he doesn't feel the same. I'm sure I could make him happy.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I took my ex-girlfriend's virginity, I promised her I'd never leave her.

When I met X a little more than two weeks later, I immediately cheated on my girlfriend with X, who is two years younger than me, for the sole reason that I simply found the girl more attractive. My girlfriend and I broke up soon after, though she never found out about X.

Shortly after, I developed a intense desire to masturbate pretty much every single day. I have been late to plans because I took the time to rub one off. I have gone to bed later than I should because I stay up wanking. The only reason this doesn't make me feel pathetic is that I scrub my hands off with soap and water right afterward.

After all this, I still find it in my heart to like someone new. She's not my type at all and I hardly see her and I really worry I just want to be with her because I find her beautiful and I am desperate to be with someone.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

In 6th grade, I knew a very quiet and timid kid, who also had a little sister. One day he came onto the bus with two gigantic, horrible black eyes. I asked him what happened (I was really the only one whoever talked to him) and he non-chlantly said, "my dad." His poor, tiny sister would often look very hosed up, too.

I knew another kid who would tell me stories about how his dad broke his nose several times, and then bought him tons of stuff to keep him quiet, in awful detail.

I almost reported these things, but never did, and I feel like the biggest prick in the world for not doing so.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I sexually fantasize about my father sometimes. Usually he's in a
really controlling dominating role.

The terrible thing is, I found out a few years ago he abused my elder
sister from when she was 11. I loving hate him for this, and I would
happily kill him if I got the chance. Slowly, horribly, and
personally.

Yet just the other day I masturbated, imagining I'd met him
anonymously online, not knowing who he was, till he'd already got me
to do various degrading things and gotten really horny. I imagined
he'd told me to sit on a dildo but not come and wait for him to drive
to my house with some of his friends, and all the filthy things they'd
do to me. I got off imagining him making me cry, and even vomit on his
cock, but laughing at me cruelly. And I came when I imagined him
raping my oval office, calling me a dirty whore for getting wet and enjoying
it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

95% of you people disgust me. i think the worst thing i've ever done is
purposefully trip a friend during a basketball practice 5 years ago. i
still feel pretty bad about it though.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I hooked up with a guy a few weeks ago but I'm not pursing him any more
because mainly because his dick is too small. When I first saw it, I
literally thought, "Is that *it*?!" Also, he came really fast.
The sex was so thoroughly unremarkable that I pretty much had forgotten
I'd even had sex within a few hours after he left. I tried to continue
things with him for a while out of some sense of obligation, but I can't
kid myself into thinking it would work. I feel really bad because he's a
sweet, attractive, intelligent guy, and he was otherwise pretty good in
bed, but I can't forsee myself being with him long-term because his dick
does nothing for me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have seriously considered posting a banme thread. It isn�t that I don�t like SA, or I have a problem with the moderation - - It�s that I feel I spend too much time here. I don�t post one because it would be boring because I don�t actually have that much conflict with people here. Also, I don�t feel like giving up the forums.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

My friend once told me in confidence that his super hot girlfriend had emailed naked pictures of herself to him, and I had a thing for her, so next time he came over i installed a key logger, got his email password and saved the pics for myself.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

i don't "get" fyad, but i would like to very much because i think that GBS is loving retarded.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a rape and post-puberty teenage girl fetish. It's a problem. I'm not an unattractive guy, and have never committed a sex crime in my life, but those particular subjects seem to be the most erotic thing to me. I've tried reading stuff written by rape victims to no avail. I'm not even into violence. Just the idea that she didn't want it to happen.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Once when I was 12 I went on an out of country trip with a bunch of highschool seniors, well..at the time I had this huge crush on this one girl who was about 17. She made me really loving hot even though I was only 12 and needless to say I wanted to gently caress the poo poo out of her. Well, one day I faked like I was sick so I could get out of the standard group activities, which gave me like a good 4 hours to myself where we were staying.

I went to the girl's room, picked her lock somehow (I don't recall how, but I just remember it being REALLY easy..) and low and behold a pair of her soiled panties were on her desk. I sniffed the panties and then masturbated furiously on her bed, not even bothering to clean up a majority of the cum.

Oh yeah, I also read her diary that she left on the same desk after I finished my "dirty" work. Good read, especially the parts about where she was shocked to know such a nice, polite, innocent kid who was so "untainted". Man, I bet if she'd of caught me with my rear end in the air while I jerked off on her bed with those delicious panties that I\'d of gotten a blowjob out of the deal.

I never got caught and ever since then I\'ve had a tremendous panty fetish ever since.

Oh yeah, I also suffer from this hosed up masturbation method called "TMS". It really sucks and I've been trying to cure myself of it. I can't jerk off unless I'm in a prone position, which SUCKS.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I hate all my friends. They are all idiots and have no
taste. I act nice to them so I won't be alone in life,
but when I go to college, I will leave them all
behind. Also, the guy who was my best friend decided
out of the loving blue to become a minister and now I
can't go drinking or partying with him anymore.

I guess I'm pretty but I never tell anyone and I
always act happy or content so I feel pretty good most
of the time.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me, Pimpsolo, for I have sinned:

I absolutely loving hate the stuck-up attitudes on piracy I see
demonstrated by fellow goons. Every time someone hints that, oh poo poo
no, they pirated whatever game, it seems that some latently
homo-erotic Awful forum-poster pile-up strikes down every single word
the pirate has to offer. Guess what? I pirate everything I use. I
have never owned a legitimately licensed piece of software since the
OEM copy of Windows 95 that came with my system. Every game and
operating system I have is either pirated or free to start with. In
addition, I will never pay a penny for digital media or software. You
want to argue that I'm denying individuals their rightly-earned
dinners? Boo-loving-hoo-hoo-hoo. Eat me; I'm sinning and I'm loving
it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Another pedophile reporting in.

I regularly download kiddie porn. Sadly, it ususally features boys
clearly being forced or abused (most commonly two boys forced to
suck/gently caress each other). While sometimes arousing, it's usually a
serious turn-off.

The by far hottest thing I've ever downloaded were some videos of
12-13 year old boys with boners (and some of them masturbating) in
public showers, secretly videotaped by someone in the neighbouring
shower. That's definitely the best kind of kiddie porn - noone is
getting hurt, and it's hot as hell. Those kids were seriously horny
too.

I would never dream of touching or hurting a kid in any way though.
And I do find regular, adult women arousing. But I guess I'm still
a monster in the eyes of the average person.

I'd like to say that some of the people who are in need of real, real secure email to get out their confessions, it seems they have been using https://www.hushmail.com. This is all in fun so we have to consider these fictional, for entertainment purposes only. Having said that, I don't know what to say about this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

This thread almost killed my bird.

Last night, instead of going to bed, I stayed up to
watch/read this thread. My bird kept freaking out, but
I figured it was because I was typing. Plus, this
thread was (and still is) far too interesting to stop
reading to check my bird.

This morning, I found blood everywhere. On the wall,
on the painting, in his cage. It was everywhere. It
looked like someone had been killed. It came from my
bird.

I rushed over to the amimal hospital, and to my luck
the bird doctor guy was there. He fixed my bird, but
said that if I had waited any longer, he would've
died.

This thread is way too addicting, and is wrong.

And yet, I can't stop confessing stuff.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 22:22

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am a writer, and I consider my work to be extremely good. A lot of my friends are also writers, and constantly praise my ability. Whether they're lying or not makes no difference because it all goes to my head. When I read their stuff, I sometimes lie about how good it is so they don't feel bad but I can't help feeling I could write it much better.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Be warned, I'm about to drop some hardcore e/n poo poo on your rear end. It's not the best confession but, for my mental health's sake, I need to get this out:

I live in a house that would make the people in the 'Ugliest Room' thread blush. Unfortunately, I can't add to that thread because I'm an unregistered lurker. Even if I had an account, I'd likely be too proud to post it. I remember there was a thread a long time ago about a guy in my situation, so just dig up those pictures, but imagine the stench of mildew, dead mice and rotten vegetables permeating the piles. That is my home.

-----e/n garbage starts here-----

I, myself, am not a packrat (all I keep is a computer, CDs and my few clothes), but I live with some relentless hoarders. My mother is the worst... she refuses to throw anything that she ever spent money on away, and every day comes home with a car full of new 'it-was-only-20-cents' poo poo that she bought. If I bring it up, or try to beg her to stop, she starts crying, yelling and reminding me that '[her] house used to be spotless', like that somehow justifies it. She blames the disgusting state of her home on her health problems, arguing that she can't exert herself too much.

I would have moved out long ago, but I'm a horrible, socially-retarded failure who can't even get a job at Burger King (I'm probably the only person in existence who applied, got an interview and WASN'T hired). I have covertly bagged up old stuff and destroyed/got rid of it many, many times, but she caught on and slowed the underground railway of trash out of our house. I've honestly considered burning this house down hundreds of times, to start a new trashless existence, but I\'m afraid of the trash surviving the fire and people knowing what kind of squalor I live in. It's purely a pride thing.

My sister killed herself in this house. There was no note, but I know she hated the garbage as much as I did, and I'm sure it was a contributing factor. Anyway, only about half an hour after I heard the news, I went home for some reason I can't recall. When I opened the door, there were cops standing there in the middle of the piles of trash, still lingering for some reason. At that point, I honestly cared more about the fact that people were in my house (something I adamantly defend against) than the fact that my sister just died. I was furious, and immediately told them to get the gently caress out of my house, and saw to it that they did. I was more ashamed of my mother, and more concerned about my pride, than I was sad for the death of a loved one.

I've lived in these conditions for the past 12 years of my 18 year life, and am happy to say that I'm finally moving out at the end of the month. I hope to never set foot in this awful place again.

This has been very therapeutic. I'm nearly in tears from recounting this poo poo. I've never before discussed it, not even in the anonymous wonderland of the internet, and it feels great to get it off my chest.

At first, I thought morally it would be wrong of me to post lurker confessions becasue hey, this is an easy way for them to post for free, but I got to thinking and: 1. They will probably end up signing up some day, 2. If I didn't post self admitting lurkers, they would leave out the fact they're lurkers entirely. This whole thread concept is about anonymous honesty.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

People think I'm more rich than I really am as a result of flat-out lies and acting very snobbishly. This gets me far in lots of social situations-- often people would treat me nicer and with more respect than I really deserve. Also I was once a paper millionaire. But since the dot com bust my assets have gone down in value. I lost around $50,000 in daytrading in which I didn't know what the gently caress I was doing and sort of traded compulsively. Now I only have a liquid net worth of around $30,000, but I'm not giving up in becoming more wealthy than I ever was. I'm 28 years old BTW.

I'm a newly wed but I cannot stop thinking about other girls. If I was by myself and I see a hot girl walking towards me at a mall or something, I wouldn't hesitate to initiate conversation with her in hopes of banging the poo poo out of her later that day. I love my wife and my in-laws, but my urges make me feel like I'm cheating on all of them 24/7. This makes me sad.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I really love Lord of the Rings and related books, to the point where it sometimes literally saddens me that they're fiction. I actually found solace in a Wikipedia article about Tolkien timelines which said Tolkien considered the timeline of LOTR to lead directly into ours as if it were actual history.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm deeply ashamed of my desires for love, sex, and friendship and I have weird ideas about people that interfere with my life and make me unhappy. For example, earlier today I said hello and smiled at a girl I passed in my dorm's hallway and I became so overwhelmed with shame that I hid until I was sure she had gone into her room before I went back to mine. I don't believe that anyone, not even my friends, really likes me or enjoys my company. I don't initiate relationships, friendships, or even conversations because I assume that my advances aren't welcome. I'm in my second year of college and I feel like I've been wasting my time here because I'm lonely and unhappy for most of the time. I go to a therapist but I haven't told him any of this because I'm too embarrassed about it and I feel like all of it is stupid and not worth doing anything about.

This is interesting, every once in a while I feel this way, every once in a great while. It's nice to be able, in this thread, to relate to things we wouldn't normally talk about. God I'm glad I thought of this.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm currently going out with this awesome girl. However I think im in love with my best friend. I used to go out with her, then we broke up and stayed good friends. Now she's dating my best friend.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Forgive me father for I have sinned...

First being I am united and have never confessed before.

Second being, when I was 13 years old, I was babysitting two children who were 10 and 8 at the time and they tried to hypnotize me (unsucessfully) and get me to take my pants off, exposing my penis. Which I did fully knowing what I was doing. To this day I fear that the kids will realize what a stupid thing it was and tell someone. I know I was young but I am very, very ashamed of it.

Third being I have installed remote viewing software of my former roomates computer where I would watch her while she got naked on her webcam for her boyfriend. She no longer lives here, but never found out.

Fourth being, I constantly am ashamed to show pictures of my girlfriend because I fear people will think she is ugly. She is really hot and I have nothing to worry about but being accepted is a huge issue for me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I use myspace to pick up girls. I think I'd make a great con artist,
I can slip into any type of personality depending on what they like in
a guy. I've hooked up with girls from 16 to 33. I'm 21. I don't
think I'm attractive, but somehow I'm just good at getting girls to
love me over aim, and most of the time things happen after we meet up.

I hooked up with a girl at a goonmeet just so I can say I've nailed a
girlgoon, even though she wasn't very hot. Everyone fawned over her
though and I felt pretty good about it.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am nice to girls with low self esteem, then I have sex with them and stop talking to them.

I dont get the obsession that a lot of the forum users have with Lowtax. Ok, so he did a few ICQ pranks and he runs a website. Good for him. A lot of people, it seems, talk about him as if they know him and are good friends with him in real life. It seems like they masturbate to the Space Robots. He could make a stupid comment in any thread, and suddenly everyone is quoting it and the thread turns gold. I mean seriously, get the gently caress over it. Lowtax is not your personal friend and lover.

I think people with "life experience" are really just losers. You had a lovely life? You did a lot of drugs? You got knocked up/knocked someone up? You were a stripper/prostitute? Your parents abused you? Your uncle molested you? You got made fun of? Youre a virgin? Guess what, you deserve all of these things because youre a loser. Grow up, deal with your poo poo, and stop being such a dramatic attention whore.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I want a sugar daddy. I want a new car and an apartment full of hip European furnishings and video games and a flat screen tv and fresh flowers every day and no job so I can just go to yoga all day and write and paint and live a life of active leisure.

Let me openly say "I agree."

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm an adult male that watches The Disney Channel constantly.

Freak! Out of all the posts I've looked at in the past day or so; this one really shocks me. Ughh... UGHHH!!!!!

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Once in high school I had to go to school during the second half of the last day of school. I go to pull in one of the parking spaces that I could find because the lot was almost full. I cut it way too close and slowly cave in the door of someone's really really nice Mustang.

No one else was around, so I just left and parked on the road at the very other end of the school. Never got caught.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I've masturbated thinking of girls I know and really like. It makes me horrible. I also have masturbated to all sorts of hentai.

I'm 18 and have never been kissed or even hugged by someone not in my family. I have one friend, who can hardly be considered one since I rarely talk to him or have anything in common with him. I'm pretty sure I have Social Anxiety Disorder and possibly Avoidant Personality Disorder. I've given subtle hints alluding to this, but no one knows.

I cry quite alot, and absolutely hate my life. However, I could never bring myself to kill myself because I love my dog too much (In a non creepy way, you bastards) and I don't like the idea of anyone crying over me. That's the same reason I could probably never kill someone - no matter who it is, there's probably a mother, brother, sister, or father that will cry and I don't like that.

I'm also hoping dearly that i'm not somehow outted after writing this message.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I used to go on MSN chat and pretend to be fabulously wealthy, using pictures of relatively obscure celebrities. I had a whole fake life mapped out and I took great pleasure in seeing retards buy it all, hook line and sinker. I felt better about myself knowing that their lives were so empty and meaningless that they spent their nights in chat rooms talking to strangers. Then I realized that I was doing essentially the same thing and got depressed.

Also, I think Bizarro Toby is an ugly oval office who needs to shut the gently caress up.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm constantly in fear of probation or banning, despite the fact that I've never had either.

Pimpsolo fucked around with this message at 22:51 on Aug 22, 2005

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 22:47

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 08:53

Pimpsolo: Jun 6, 2004

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

Even though I was never an animal abuser a friend of mine was and I knew about it which I guess made me an accessory. This friend would hunt neighborhood cats with his .22 bag them and toss them in the trash. He joked about being on a wild safari hunt. He would also intentionally aim at cats crossing the street with his lovely car and managed to clip one hard leaving it injured on the side of the road. His response to his misdeed was "10 points!"

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I don't like having female friends. I'm a very shallow person that considers his relationships with the opposite sex to be either sexual or nonexistant. If a girl isn't doing something sexual to me or vice/versa willingly, then I have no will to even talk to them.

I do talk to them though out of kindness, but deep down I hate them and don't want to.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I must confess:

I have been dating my girlfriend for roughly five years. We live together, share bills, car payments and the like. I am helping her support herself while she goes to med school.

I have always had a crush on a mutual friend of ours, emphasis on the friend part. I was stuck in the friend-zone, and being attached didn't help much at all.

Two months ago me and the friend began talking on AIM. We began flirting, and talking about very serious, deep issues. I expressed the fact that I had been attracted to her for years, and she confessed to me that she has been attracted to me for years, but didn't want to bring it up because I have a girlfriend and she wanted to avoid the drama.

Well, we started seeing each other, and I've fallen in love with her. We are utterly compatible on every possible level. We share the same taste in movies, music, and books. We share alot of beliefs on a spiritual level, and we're both very unselfish in bed. In fact, we've both come to the conclusion that we're both each others best. She's confessed that she's never had a guy satisfy her every time, and I confessed to her that noone has ever gotten me off quicker.

She's fallen on hard times, and unbeknownest to me, my girlfriend invited her to stay with us until she can get back on her feet.

Here's the confession: For the past three weeks, I've been waiting until my girlfriend falls asleep, and I've been going to my friend's room in our apartment. Some nights we might sit up and talk for a couple of hours, but we always end up doing something sexual. If I'm not going down on her for a half-hour, she's going down on me, or we'll gently caress two or three times.

I have no intention of ending either relationship.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I'm an rear end in a top hat on the forums so I can get it out of my system in order to face the real world. It's also a defence mechanism so nobody can get close to me.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I am an online attention whore and I secretly dream of doing something amazing to be known far and wide online like fragmaster or, hell, even Maddox even though I cannot stand him.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I, too, also think that Japanese girl with large breasts is hot and have masturbated to her.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was about 14 or so and a poor, sexually confused girl, I used to let my dog lick me while I tried to get off. It never really worked, though. Sometimes I look up dog-on-girl porn on GIS and find it hot.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I gave my boyfriend head in the backseat of my best friend's car on the way home from junior prom, and then ended up dating that friend for over 2 years. I still feel really bad about it, especially because he really wanted to be with me, too. I felt like it was an insult to him afterwards.

Women.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

A drunken night at a house party in my sleepy village. Walking home holding hands with a pretty girl in a miniskirt,every minute or so her hand rubbing my already hard package through my jeans. This was going to be a great night.

We arrive home. As I fumble about for my keys and enter the house, I hear a thud upstairs. Wait a second, no-one's meant to be home, my parents are away for the rest of the w...oh poo poo. Pretty Girl removes her top, and runs upstairs before I can stop her. "WAIT" I shout, as I grab a club from my dad's golf set nearby and chase after her.

Just as I reach the top floor, I hear the sounds of a struggle and what sounds like a muffled scream. As I enter my parents bedroom, a tall black man is struggling with my to-be sexual conquest. He sees me enter, slaps his hand around her mouth and pulls her in front of him, using her as a wall between me and him and shouts "COME ANY CLOSER AND I SWEAR TO loving GOD I'LL BREAK HER NECK".

It was straight out of a goddamn movie, me, the hero, black-guy the villain, and the girl of my dreams being held hostage...except she wasn't the girl of my dreams, I barely even knew her loving name. But no, I was at the mercy of the drunken rage at an intruder in my house, as I swung the driver club full force in his direction.

CRACK.

I had closed my eyes and gritted my teeth as the club completed its motion. Intruder let out a soft "gently caress", as I opened my eyes, to see Pretty Girl fall down to the floor and lay motionless, blood pouring from her skull. First thought: My life was over. As I looked up, I saw a shocked expression on the face of Intruder. I wasn't done yet...CRACK...as he fell to the floor, I dropped my club and puked up all over the scene, passing out.

When I woke up in the morning, I was lying on the floor, a pool of blood and vomit next to me, and the icy cold stare of Pretty Girl into my face. Oh god oh gently caress oh poo poo what had I done. 2 days left until my parents were back,...get rid of the loving bodies.

I ran to the bathroom and washed myself off, then ran downstairs and got a bottle of bleach and a black rubbish bag. Running back upstairs, I emptied the bottle into the bathtub and dragged the bodies into it. Thank loving god my floor was hardwood, and not carpeted. I filled the rest of the tub with water and waited...waited for half an hour...before loving realising that I was an idiot to think that a bottle of bleach would be enough to dissolve their bodies. I mean for heavens sake does that methid even work??? No way I'm going to the supermarket and buying a fuckton of it,oh no, that would be way too suspicious.

So I took the bodies out, dried them, stripped them of their clothes, and wrapped the bodies in black bin bags. gently caress...Pretty Girl looked hot, but she wasn't really my kind now, being DEAD AND ALL. I put their clothes in another seperate bag and then loaded everything into the back of my car.

We have a driveway shielded to the streets by trees, which were empty anyway. After loading everything in(I had found my mom's cleaning gloves and was wearing these now), I drove to a secluded woodland area around 10 miles from my house. It was inbetween a few farms, and the woods were said to be haunted, so hardly anyone went in. Perfect.

After 2 hours of digging, I threw their bodies and their and my clothes into the pit. I had brought a towel to hide my modesty for the journey home, so I donned it, dumped gasoline all over the contents of the pit and lit it. After then covering the pit once the bloody inferno had subsided, I went home, and spent the rest of the day cleaning the floors(gently caress, I had just left them blood stained, thank god the neighbours hadn't come in to check up or anything) and erasing all traces of my horrible deed.

And that was it. No police showed up at my door to question my whereabouts of the night. I only ever heard about it again through friends talking about how she had disappeared, possibly run away. Yeah right...I needed to loving get this off my chest. Only god now stands between me and what seems like my inevitable place in hell.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I never post E/N threads, so this is the best of all my e/n, summed up in this thread for you goons.

This is my tale of woe from Internet Dating.

Before these forums existed, I was on IRC. IRC had more drama, more attention whoring, more rear end in a top hat channel Ops (mods), and more generally of everything that sucks on the SA forums. I participated in several channels discussing several things I found interesting. I met an actual girl in one of these channels. She was from Canada, and I know this sounds like something a young Anthony Micheal Hall would make up in detention, but it's not.

I'll call her Kristina. Me and Kristina would chat for hours on IRC and trade pictures, joke about things, etc. It seemed we got along fine and I had no itention of ever persuing an internet relationship...I swear! But alas, "best laid plans..." We started to have "Cyber-Sex" and email each other nude pictures. It was becoming an obsession. I mean, she was pretty hot, and I was lonely at the time. My ex-gf had recently dumped me, then strung along again and re-dumped me (for sport I guess) so I was pretty hosed up in the whole realtionship thing. Finally, we decided to meet. I was trying to distance myself, but the idea of guaranteed sex was too much. She hopped on a Bus. Oh god...A 5-day Bus trip just to see me.

Things were getting major for me. As this trip begins, I decided to go out with some friends and we end up at some artfag bar. That's when I see her. My future wife. Hannah. We catch some looks, exchange some glances, and by day 3 Im terribly, hopelessly, in love. As we cuddle on my bed I begin to panic. I have panic attacks. I can't breathe...I can't think, I start crying...I have to tell her. I do. I explain that all of this happened during my "Life sucks" phase and that the Canadian chick is T-minus 36 hours from ruining possibly the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Hannah leaves. I want to die. Im so in love with this girl, and the other girl who Ive never met is on her way. Then she comes back. She comes back to me and tells me that I have to tell the Canadian girl that I can't persue a relationship with her. I need to buy her a Bus ticket back home asap, and hand it to her. But, can I do that? I tell her that I'll do that and everything will be great.

I meet Kristina at the bus terminal. Sans return ticket. WHY!! STOP YOU MORON, my mind screams at me. I say hello. She's beautiful in person...She has a Quebecouis accent. I take her home and explain things to her. She looks upset. I tell her that I have to think about things and ask her if she would stay in a hotel if I pay. She looks really upset. I promise her that tonight we will go out to the beach and meet my friends, and that I will get a hotel room. WHAT THE gently caress ARE YOU DOING!? I tell myself.

We go to the beach, we meet my friends...Hannah is there. Oops. OOPS IS RIGHT YOU IDIOT. I tell Kristina who Hannah is...She walks up and says hello...It feels like lighting bolts are shooting out of their eyes...AT ME. I then pull Hannah aside and dodge salvos of hatred as I explain what is happening. Hannah agrees with my decision to be hospitable and allow her an evening to have fun, get drunk, and possibly get the gently caress back to Canada quickly. I tell her that I will leave the money and a note for her telling her that I am sorry. Go back to Canada.

Hannah leave with her friends. Kristina is shitfaced. I take her to a hotel. You know how this ends. We had sex. We slept in the hotel...Ah well, Hannah hates me forever. Im guilty as gently caress and for the next few days I pretty much ignore Kristina. She confronts me and...We have sex again. By now you may have realized that our relationship (if you can call it that) was pretty much based on sex. I start ignoring her again, even though she came down to gently caress me, and see my hometown, which you may have guessed by now. I finally tell her that I am a horrible human being. She agrees and gets on that Bus with the ticket that I never bought (round trip...7 days later) and waves goodbye.

I call Hannah to return her sweater. She left it in my place when she was with me the first night after we met. She agrees to come get it and as she drives away I wonder what could have been. I see brake lights dim, and suddenly flicker. her backup lights come on as she reverses down my street. She gets out of the car and we kiss. It starts to rain. Good God, I felt like I was in an 80's romance flick.

We've been married for almost 6 years.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I hate my grandfather and wish he were dead. He is racist, intolerant, and makes everyone as miserable as he is. The only regret I have about this thought is that my grandmother, who has been in a wheelchair for most of her life, would have to be put in a home if he were dead. But sometimes I really don't care and wish he really were dead.

He had colon cancer about 7 or 8 years ago and survived. After my aunt, one of the kindest, sweetest people I have ever known, died from breast cancer 4 years ago, I can never believe that God exists.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I know it's not cool to post "Does anyone know me" threads, but I've wanted to for a while because I have a feeling a lot of my high-school friends are now goons.

I went to West Linn High School, graduated in 1995.

I wasn't part of the 'cool' group, I tried to avoid them. I was more in with the thesbians and "magic" people.

My nickname was "Herb" for a while because of my obsession with Primus.

I now work at Portland General Electric.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

When I was 17 I started dating a girl I met at my church, she was 13 and very mature for her age, more mature than myself actually. Things were great for us, amazingly great, it was like a match made in heaven and a storybook romance type thing.

Our parents didnt like it much, they understood, but they didnt much like it. They eventually came around to it though.

We did everything together, spent every waking moment together. We didn't even THINK about sex, it wasn't anything to us, we just loved being together. We didn't even kiss until about 2 months into the relationship. Love does that to you sometimes.

As the relationship went on, her immature side shone through, we had 2 unnecessary breakups in the first 3 months we were dating when she just got mad for no reason and decided to say "I don't like you anymore, we're through", usually through a letter, and then have everything fine the next day.

About 5 months into the relationship, a 3rd unnecessary breakup happened, and at that point I was upset and still wanted to be together, she was my life. It lasted 4-5 days, I still went to her house everyday, and she kept saying that "we are through, for good".

Then the next day, I head over to her house and go up to her room, she's on her bed reading the old letters I wrote her and crying. She looks at me and says "I thought you said you'd always love me?", I tell her "Yes, I will, nothing you will ever do can change that, I will love you until the day I die." Now for some reason today I was feeling full of Pride, and I don't know why. I said "But I think this is for the best, I love you, but this is for the best". I then proceeded to leave her room, walk downstairs, and leave.

...I never came back.

That was 4 years ago. I still to this day think of her daily, I still love her, like I said I would always do.

Since then I have never had a normal relationship, I always compare my exes to her, and I wind up being a total rear end in a top hat to the girls I date. Anytime a small problem comes along in the relationship, I immediately break-up with them, and if a problem doesn't come along it's almost a given that I'll end it within 2 weeks anyways. I've since gotten to the point where I don't even want a relationship anymore.

Also, typing this, I got quite teary eyed recalling this.

Sorry for the long, boring, confession.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I have a completely plutonic man-chrush on a certain male forum member (not a superstar though). One time he quoted my post and it made me very happy. I feel really pathetic admitting it.

I get lolicon from the permabanned posters like Shii and Censored Vagina.

I also spelled some words wrong in my first confession and I wish I could correct them without admitting who I am.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I believe I am what people would call a borderline sociopath. I am incapable of feeling empathy at a deeper level for people in general. I regard most people as a nuisance and often feel annoyance even towards those people that are really close to me. This doesn't mean I would harm my family members but this certainly doesn't apply to strangers. I take insults and any perceived slight entirely too seriously. I often fantasize about how I would covertly kill people I have a mild dislike for and dump them somewhere so they are never to be found. I have even gone into the planning stages but scrapped the whole idea because I came to my senses at the last moment. I can't explain this irrational anger sometimes it comes and goes. I find some events leading to deaths of multiple people horribly funny and or just laugh at the victims. Some people can laugh at black comedy in an ironic sense I laugh because i'm a sadist. I've read a lot about serial killers and mass murderers and I feel that i'm just a few psychological traits short of being one myself.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

If I am home alone, I am constantly horny. I will jack off at LEAST once an hour.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I like to experiment by putting different things on my penis. Not necessarily for pleasure, but rather to see what happens.

I once crushed up a chili pepper and rubbed into my shaft. It was quite excruciating and I won't do that one again.

Another time I put one of these Listerine PocketPaks on my unit. The refreshment lasted for about 1.5 hours.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

I find the idea of teenage boys who still wet their bed very arousing. I'm straight sexually active adult male, I don't want to molest them or anything. It's just the loss of control and humiliation they go through that gets me. If they're spanked or forced to wear diapers then so much the better. If they have girl friends who find out then it's a thousand times hotter.

quote:

anonymous email came out of the closet to say:

It's a 1 minute walk to the bathroom at work, and lots of times I have to go to the bathroom when I leave, but that walk just seems so long. Instead, I have an empty soda bottle in my car at all times and if I have to go when I leave, I pee in that.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2005 23:08

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Something Awful Anonymous Confessional

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