Please, please read. I need help. I'm not lying.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Please, please read. I need help. I'm not lying.

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Alias777: Feb 2, 2006; I STOLE MY MOM'S CREDIT CARD AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS BIG RED TITLE
(and permabanned)

Whoosh.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Alias777 fucked around with this message at 06:41 on Mar 12, 2006

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:22

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 11:00

basement jihadist: Oct 3, 2002

And we're off

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:23

Don_Key: Apr 1, 2005; Do not run. We come in peace. Do not run.

How in the world did you think posting this in GBS was a good idea?

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

DunderPate: Dec 4, 2003; Let me show you how it's done

Let me guess, Is X your parents?

EDIT: His original post, if Mom happens to come by:

quote:

Ok, well, background. X never gave me permission to use their credit card.

I belong to the FusionCash thing, and I signed up for the "Cheat and Eat" offer because it's a "FREE TRIAL" that only costs $1.95 for shipping. I did it. Now, they said they automatically enrolled me in the "Auto-ship" thing which will charge me ONE HUNDRED AND SIX DOLLARS in 13 days.

I don't know what to do. I'm in dire need. The company is fraudulent and thus won't respond to my e-mails, I called them, and they are perpetually "closed."

Please, help me. Somehow. I don't know. If X finds out I used the credit card, I will be severely punished. Severely is beyond details.

Give me advice. Give me money. Do SOMETHING to help, jesus christ.

I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, no response yet.

GBS, don't poke fun at me. Just help me. Please. I don't have the money and I CERTAINLY can't afford X to find out about it.

DunderPate fucked around with this message at 07:09 on Mar 12, 2006

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

The Wreck: Aug 16, 2004; I think I brained my damage

Is X your boss or your family/significant other.

If it was your boss, get ready to find a new job. In both cases, the truth will set you free. It's easier to rip the band-aid off all at once then pick at the edges.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

LTBS: Oct 9, 2003; Big Pimpin, Spending the G's

And this is why you always read the small print.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

The Big Pinch: Jan 25, 2003; I love hairy man ass!

Don't use other peoples credit cards.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

Macrame Tool: Feb 25, 2006

Oh, ok, NOW I'm convinced.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

TURTLE SLUT: Dec 12, 2005

Natural selection is a bitch.

Let me guess, X is your mother?

EDIT: Oh and Big Pinch, your avatar is... unpleasant.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

Tambourine Man: Dec 27, 2005; by Lowtax

Whether bueisness deals or GBS, LURK MORE N00B!

Tambourine Man fucked around with this message at 02:28 on Mar 12, 2006

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

Alias777: Feb 2, 2006; I STOLE MY MOM'S CREDIT CARD AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS BIG RED TITLE
(and permabanned)

X is family...

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

Gay but Spooky: Oct 25, 2005

I wish I had X for a mom :/

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:24

Wilikai: Feb 20, 2003; Why hello Ms. Trepe would you like to be in my video?

What do you honestly want us to do? You used a credit card that wasn't yours, and you got screwed. We're not going to raise a fund to pay for your stupidity.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:25

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Your dumb rear end got into this situation. Your dumb rear end needs to find another way out. And you may be out :10bux:

too, which would add salt to this festering wound.

Alias777 posted:

LOWTAX:DO NOT DELETE - I HAVE PROOF - I AM NOT LYING - nor am i homosexual or dumb

PROOF: https://www.cheatandeatdiet.com

Ok, well, background. X never gave me permission to use their credit card.

I belong to the FusionCash thing, and I signed up for the "Cheat and Eat" offer because it's a "FREE TRIAL" that only costs $1.95 for shipping. I did it. Now, they said they automatically enrolled me in the "Auto-ship" thing which will charge me ONE HUNDRED AND SIX DOLLARS in 13 days.

I don't know what to do. I'm in dire need. The company is fraudulent and thus won't respond to my e-mails, I called them, and they are perpetually "closed."

Please, help me. Somehow. I don't know. If X finds out I used the credit card, I will be severely punished. Severely is beyond details.

Give me advice. Give me money. Do SOMETHING to help, jesus christ.

I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, no response yet.

GBS, don't poke fun at me. Just help me. Please. I don't have the money and I CERTAINLY can't afford X to find out about it.

Further Proof:

From: cancel@cheatandeatdiet.com
Subject: Cheat and Eat Diet Auto-Reply

Thank you for contacting us!

Please note that this is an auto-reply message. Please do not reply to this e-mail as it is not a receiving mailbox.

If you are inquiring about your order status, all orders are sent via Unites States Postal Service (USPS) and should be received within 4-6 business days, after allowing one business day for processing.

If you are contacting us regarding the charge to your account, please note the Terms and Conditions clearly posted at www.cheatandeatdiet.com/terms.html.

If you wish to cancel your auto-ship enrollment please e-mail cancel@cheatandeatdiet.com for further details.

Thank you! We value your business.

Sincerely,
CheatAndEatDiet

quoting for eventual edit anyway

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:25

epsilon-6: Dec 25, 2002

Alias777 posted:

...nor am i homosexual or dumb...X never gave me permission to use their credit card...

I see a contradiction.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:25

schnibs: Jan 10, 2006; I know this corner of the earth, it smiles at me

Alias777 posted:

...The company is fraudulent....

Guess what? They're no worse than you fraudulently using X's credit card.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:25

Elvis_Nixon: Mar 9, 2004; You may already be a winner

Yup, Mom's so going to ground you for this.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:25

err: Apr 11, 2005; I carry my own weight no matter how heavy this shit gets...

Lowtax will send you money, for sure.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:25

The Big Pinch: Jan 25, 2003; I love hairy man ass!

DrMagus posted:

And you may be out too, which would add salt to this festering wound.

Hopefully he uses his own credit card to reregister.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

Eris Is Goddess: Nov 18, 2000

Tell them it was a stupid move on your part, ask them to call their CC company and do a chargeback. Any decision that does not involve you telling them and them doing a chargeback is a mistake on your end and you'll have them even more irate in addition to your paying the entire amount.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

Fitzy Fitz: May 14, 2005

You're a smart person. Has anyone ever told you that? You are. You're smart.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

no neck joe: Jul 28, 2002; by Lowtax

You stole someone's credit card, get scammed and then want us to bail you out?

No.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

black sheep: Jul 1, 2003; Pie > Cake

I think before we can help you, you need to prove that you are not a dumb homosexual. Such a statement needs proof.

edit: How much do you weigh? You must be really desparate to get below 350.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

Memorabeliac: May 9, 2005; by Fistgrrl

I had to read this post a few times before I even understood what you want, and honestly I'm still not sure. What the hell do you want from us?

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

billion dollar bitch: Jul 20, 2005; To drink and fight.
To fuck all night.

try calling them. phones > email - they're harder to ignore.

Also... good job!

:06:

The one on the right looks sad.

billion dollar bitch fucked around with this message at 02:28 on Mar 12, 2006

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

Sprite Based: Nov 13, 2004; dance dance sasquatch

Ground floor of a legendary thread.

And hey, here's an idea: try taking responsibility for your actions and owning up to what you did wrong rather than begging the Internet to bail you out.

Also, lurking. Do that more.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Alias777 posted:

LOWTAX:DO NOT DELETE - I HAVE PROOF - I AM NOT LYING - nor am i homosexual or dumb

Sincerely,
CheatAndEatDiet

ALIAS777: HAHA - LOL you may or may not be homosexual, i don't really care, but you are indeed dumb

Sincerely,
:cb:

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

aryangoku92: Nov 23, 2004; by Lowtax

Haha you bought diet pills from the internet with your mom's credit card.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

Liquid Entropy: Sep 19, 2002

Wilikai posted:

What do you honestly want us to do? You used a credit card that wasn't yours, and you got screwed. We're not going to raise a fund to pay for your stupidity.

Dear Fraudulent Company,
We heard that you took money from some kid who wanted to not be fat. That's not very nice. We hear his mom is going to be REALLY mad at him if she finds out about it. Give it back to him, please, OR ELSE.

<3
The internet

:siren:

Orientation for those who missed this thread :siren:

Thrilling conclusion on page 25:
A special call to a special person, and available for download
:oldkrad:

NOTE: Just a reminder, it's NOT ok to post personal information. Rhyme's post was specifically approved by a mod in light of the circumstances. Please do not make any attempt to make unsolicited contact to Alias.

Summary
Above is the quoted original post. Basically, the kid made that exact post and Lowtax gassed it. Lowtax ended the thread, telling him to fess up - noble.

A lot of us thought he was a gimmick for a long time, but he has a string of accounts with other forums and multiple internet aliases tied to that name (no pun intended). Despite the overwhelming temptation to give this kid his "come uppance", several posters felt obliged to tell him how life, the universe, and SA forums work. Despite even mods attempting to reason with him, he relentlessly bungled his life more and more. Meanwhile, the internet detectives were on the case. Lead by Rhyme, who eventually posted the .wav posted above, this young upstart was tracked down. Skip to page 25 for the thrilling conclusion.

We have a remix, folks
:oldkrad:

Thread's got a SApedia entry

And there's the ytmd entry

Tambourine Man felt obliged to buy the (now banned) Alias777 a new account. So he is registered again.

:siren:

Demonstrating what can only be described as masochism, Alias has [i]immediately posted on page 29. He also posted in FYAD for some reason. Why his parents haven't tied him down? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe they're at his computer rooting for him.

He posted another thread. Guess what happened?

Alias777 stepped outside the ring the mods cut for him. Ozma permabanned him as what looks to be a requirement of his paid re-entry to forums. I think that might be a humanitarian action all around at this point.

Liquid Entropy fucked around with this message at 08:30 on Mar 12, 2006

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:26

Don_Key: Apr 1, 2005; Do not run. We come in peace. Do not run.

Alias777 posted:

X is family...

Your not to smart.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:27

GBS Doctor: Nov 29, 2005; by Lowtax

Alias777 posted:

GBS, don't poke fun at me.

You are gay.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:27

Tambourine Man: Dec 27, 2005; by Lowtax

You're a dumbass, the terms clearly state you're getting 60 days and you'll like it. Unless it was not your credit card and you're a minor, you're hosed.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:27

Reverend Enik: Oct 30, 2003; Rabies loves company.

Holy poo poo your mom is Malcom X?? Get the gently caress out of here! :0

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:27

Mookie: Mar 22, 2005; I have to return some videotapes.

Write "return to sender" on the package and leave for your mailman. Problem solved. Fatty.

:cb:

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:27

Pretty Little Girl: Oct 25, 2004; so my mom's taking me to Italy, this summer

Fitzy Fitz posted:

You're a smart person. Has anyone ever told you that? You are. You're smart.

My favourite part is

O NOT DELETE

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:28

Sigvard: Mar 12, 2005; Protect Ya Neck, Kid
(from crowbars)

I hope they charge you.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:28

Alias777: Feb 2, 2006; I STOLE MY MOM'S CREDIT CARD AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS BIG RED TITLE
(and permabanned)

Liquid Entropy posted:

Dear Fraudulent Company,
We heard that you took money from some kid who wanted to not be fat. That's not very nice. We hear his mom is going to be REALLY mad at him if she finds out about it. Give it back to him, please, OR ELSE.

<3
The internet

I didn't buy the diet pills to go on a diet. I got the diet pills so FusionCash will pay me $20

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:28

Eris Is Goddess: Nov 18, 2000

Trent posted:

you are indeed dumb

Good god, how could a person who steals a credit card not be dumb.

Alias777 posted:

I didn't buy the diet pills to go on a diet. I got the diet pills so FusionCash will pay me $20

Enjoy your free ipod and weight loss pills.

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:28

Alias777: Feb 2, 2006; I STOLE MY MOM'S CREDIT CARD AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS BIG RED TITLE
(and permabanned)

Eris_Is_Goddess posted:

Good god, how could a person who steals a credit card not be dumb.

I didn't steal the credit card...

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:29

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 11:00

Sigvard: Mar 12, 2005; Protect Ya Neck, Kid
(from crowbars)

Alias777 posted:

I didn't buy the diet pills to go on a diet. I got the diet pills so FusionCash will pay me $20

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FREE MONEY! :siren:

# ? Mar 12, 2006 02:29

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Please, please read. I need help. I'm not lying.

«‹›36 »