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Looser
Feb 27, 2001


I was in the LA area on business. I had a car. I had time to kill. I had a cheap disposable camera and a crappy sheetfed scanner back at the office. I had a Hertz Neverlost navicomp and the address of the Yorba Linda Water District. Thus, the following pictures.


The parking lot of the YLWD office, graced by the lovely "Yorba Linda Water District" sign.


Myself standing in the small lobby, in front of the portraits of the Board of Directors, gesturing at the portrait of Arthur C. Korn. Picture taken by a helpful YLWD employee.


I drove away, thought to myself "these disposable cameras are crap, I'd better get a closeup on Mr. Korn", drove back, went back inside, and was assisted by ANOTHER helpful YLWD employee.

These people were not at all wierded out by my presence and requests for photos, though they should have been. THE JIG IS UP, THEY'RE ONTO US.

The Board of Directors meets tomorrow morning at 8:30 am PST. Their meeting will probably run until 11am.

Should I go back and get my picture taken with Arthur C. Korn himself?

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Looser
Feb 27, 2001


Ok, here's the update. I'll try and make it to the board meeting and get more pictures.
Potential problem: I have to be at the local office at 9am in Orange about 15 minutes (with no traffic) from the YLWD office, for one last bit of work on the todo list. I no longer have a car of my own, I'm riding with my boss. I *may* be able to borrow my boss's rental and slip up to the YLWD by 10am or so, and hopefully the Board meeting will be still be in session, and hopefully I won't be arrested for being a terroristic stalker and potential contaminator of Yorba Linda's precious bodily fluids, and hopefully I can get back to the office within 40 minutes or so so that hopefully my boss and I won't miss our 12:30am flight outta here. In which case you may have pics of Arthur C. Korn tonight.

Or, my boss might make me work for 2 hours in which case we're screwed.

Magic 8-ball says FUTURE CLOUDY.

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


I lived. I have pictures. Mysterious forces at work in them. I must go take my wife to dinner. Scanning and posting when I return.

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


Ok, i'm back from dinner. Scanning ahoy.

COMEDY PROFIT WARNING: these pictures will almost certainly be anticlimatic for most of you. The luck plane was tilted against me in the photography department this morning. And I was almost busted by Beverage! (story to follow.)

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


Part One may be found here

My boss is cool. One of the coolest bosses in the world. When I called him in his hotel room on cell at 6:30am and suggested that we show up at the local office at 8am instead of 9am, giving me time to nip up to Yorba Linda, he said "Sure." When I asked him if he could borrow his rental car, he said "Sure." I love my boss. Those of you with bosses would do well to have a boss this cool.

After arriving at the office, I grab the car, hit the 55, the 91, and the exit to Yorba Linda. I arrive at the YLWD office at 8:40, camera in hand. The board is already meeting, and I'm told they're in closed session. I tell them I'm here for the Public Participation portion of the agenda, and I'm ushered in about 5 minutes later.

There they are, in all their glory: Abramowitz, Summerfield, Armstrong, Beverage, and at the head of the table, dressed casually, wearing glasses, GAVEL POISED BEFORE HIM, READY TO STRIKE, was Arthur C. Korn himself.

These gentlemen were all business, no laughing and joking around. The District raises and spends millions of dollars, and they were going at this activity in deadly earnest. Stacks of papers were being reviewed, hushed remarks were being exchanged, and I wasn't about to rush up to the table and start gladhanding them. "LOLOLOROFFL HEY HOLD THIS"

[Edit] Netscape has yanked the mywebpages site I upped the pictures to. Offers of webhosting would be appreciated.

[Edit] Image hosting by Satsuki. Thank you Satsuki. (I must respectfully decline the AWDP hosting though, because the site name might put me in danger of hot legal death. I'm trying to portray the YLWD in as respectful a manner as I can.)

Looser fucked around with this message at 17:46 on Jun 28, 2002

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


I had mentioned a desire to take photographs, so the person who led me in suggested I speak to the gentleman sitting behind me. He turned out to be their official photographer (and probably also their webmaster, come to think of it.) HOWEVER, this man could not handle a disposable camera to save his life. I first asked for and received permission to take a "shot of the board in action". I was feeling rushed (promised my boss I'd be at work by 9am), and I screwed up the shot. Mr. Beverage had excused himself from the room due to a conflict of interest in the matter at hand, so his chair was empty. And although I would have sworn I had a good angle on Korn, it turns out I didn't:

Looser fucked around with this message at 17:36 on Jun 28, 2002

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


So then I hand the camera to the photographer, and request that he take a picture of me holding the sign with the board in the background. I had explained that my presence was due to a "scavenger hunt, of sorts", and that I had been charged with getting a photograph of myself with the Board. No flash on the first shot, no flash on the second shot, and by the time I had gotten the flash turned on for the third shot, he goes and cuts off Korn's head. WAY TO GO MISTER PHOTOGRAPHY PROFESSIONAL.





OMG WHITE SOX SO HOT

So, due to mystical forces at work, out of FOUR photographs, in every one the face of Arthur C. Korn is obscured. HE CANNOT BE PHOTOGRAPHED.

Looser fucked around with this message at 17:44 on Jun 28, 2002

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


Mr. Beverage Smells Something Fishy

So I'm leaving, and I ask if Mr. Beverage is available. I'm shown to the back office, where Mr. Beverage is relaxing. I give him my "scavenger hunt" story and he agrees to have his photo taken shaking my hand.



I get my camera back and I'm about to bolt for the door when Beverage casually asks if I have a business card. I stammer something about sorry, no, left it in my other laptop case. "Well," Beverage responds, "Perhaps you could leave us your name and address on this Postit note here." And hands me a pastel pink Postit note. "Oh, um, you'd like to put me on your mailing list?" I reply.

"No," says Beverage, "This is just in case anything strange happens, perhaps this photo ends up in the paper, you known, what with the elections and everything." "Oh sure, no problem" I say as I write a less-than-helpful name and address down. With many expressions of thanks, I bolt for the door. HE KNEW. He knew that I was going to post these photos on the Internet, he suspected that unpleasant things would be done to the pictures in the name of Comedy, and he wanted my True Name so he could BUST ME.

So, in closing, please don't photoshop anything especially offensive onto these pictures. The guys at the Yorba Linda Water District work hard to deliver cheap, clean water to Yorba Lindites, and they would probably feel pretty hurt and angry if they saw photos of themselves juxtaposed with throbbing animated penises.

Beverage looks and feels like an ex-cop with a vengeful attitude and a disk drive full of private investigator software. All I need is for some less-than-nice forum-goer (Yes, I'm talking about you King Reol) to narc on me to the YLWD (like what happened with Sulzanti), Beverage tracks me down, writes a letter to my CEO, and I'm fired for engaging in shenanigans on a business trip.

So please, respect these photos. Respect the minor effort I took to give you a glimpse of the mysterious world of the Yorba Linda Water District.

And wonder, as I do, why Arthur C. Korn cannot be photographed by modern technology.

Looser fucked around with this message at 17:47 on Jun 28, 2002

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


I will now answer your previously posted questions.

"Why is the center portrait in the first set of photos whited out?" The flash bounced off it. It's the portrait of Armstrong.

"Who are the people in the portraits on either end of the display"? The guy on the left end is General Manager William Robertson. The guy on the right end who looks like Bill Slater from a distance is Arthur Kidman, their general counsel. The guy who's probably going to sue me.

"Can you put more items on your belt?" Probably not.

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


You may now continue this thread HERE:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=183539

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


quote:

Deathbear came out of the closet to say:
If no one buys you a custom title within a week I gladly will. Also, you are automatic Idiot King next week. You have earned you place among FYAD crowd.

FISTGRRL PLEASE LET HIM BE IDIOT KING NEXT WEEK.

I'm kinda of partial to this image:
http://mywebpage.netscape.com/ossifrage3001/looser.jpg
That followed by a bold, italic YES.
would be nice.

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


quote:

Jesus Krist came out of the closet to say:


ALL THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW - WAS HIS PALM SWEATY?

Mr. Beverage exhibited a firm, dry, slightly menacing grip.

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


quote:

Schizoguy came out of the closet to say:
Oh, and I have a question:

What can 6+ grown, intelligent adult men find to discuss ABOUT WATER for the entire duration of the business day, every weekday?

Actually, they only meet twice a month, for about 2 hours each meeting. I was lucky in that I was in the vicinity at the right time.

And you'd be suprised how deep the water business can get. Behind every simple thing like clean water out of a tap is a world of boggling complexity.

quote:

MikeTyson came out of the closet to say:
AND WHAT HAPPENED TO SULZANTI LOOSER, I TOO, WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.

I was referring to Sulzanti's One of you betrayed me thread describing how a collision between the real world and the SA Forums, brought on by some anonymous forum goer, cost him a job that he was seeking.

Looser fucked around with this message at 05:30 on Jun 28, 2002

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


NETSCAPE STOLE MY WEBPAGE.

So, anyone know where I can buy inexpensive image hosting?

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


Also, if anyone has cached copies please let me know. My originals are at home, and Netscape deleted everything from their server.

Looser
Feb 27, 2001


Thank you, Satsuki. May I link those pictures into my posts at the start of this thread?

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Looser
Feb 27, 2001


quote:

Satsuki came out of the closet to say:


Yeah go ahead, I split up the pics though so check the url's, you can go ahead and leech them, I give you permision. Just the last two are at auschwitzdanceparty and the first 3 are on my psu account.

Thank you. I hope you don't mind if I leech from the PSU account but not the AWDP site; I'm trying to avoid getting sued or otherwise busted by the YLWD, and I'm afraid that the site name might set someone off.