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My father and I have had a pellet gun for a couple years now. By my count, we've gotten about 300 of the little shits. ...Eat my loving bird seed, you rat....
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Nov 6, 2006 06:48
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Lawnie posted:My father and I have had a pellet gun for a couple years now. By my count, we've gotten about 300 of the little shits. I remember the one day I saw your dad stab one and then shoot it. That was so scary.
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Nov 6, 2006 06:50
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Just a few days ago (on Halloween) I was at a towing company, after hours, to look at a car that had been impounded. I looked at the car and walked from the garage to the office area which was mostly dark - the tow truck driver was surfing the Net with the lights turned off - and I put my foot down on something that squeaked. I thought, "they must have a dog here because there are dog toys all over the floor." I moved my foot sideways to roll the dog toy out of my way and the squeaking rose in pitch and volume. I withdrew my foot and the truck driver turned on the lights; I had stepped on a squirrel. No idea what it was doing in the office of the towing company at 10 p.m. and no idea why it didn't move out of my way. It retreated to lick its wounds and perched atop a snow shovel so it could cast its hateful squirrel gaze at me for the rest of my time on location.
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Nov 6, 2006 06:52
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How about that one time with the raccoon, when we shot it in the head and it bounced around a bit, then ran into the backyard where we proceeded to stab it in the chest and hear it scream until it died. It was almost sad. ...Eat my garbage, you filthy.. um... thief looking thing..
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Nov 6, 2006 06:53
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Lawnie posted:How about that one time with the raccoon, when we shot it in the head and it bounced around a bit, then ran into the backyard where we proceeded to stab it in the chest and hear it scream until it died. It was almost sad. That's even creepier. Let's stick to squirrel punting.
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Nov 6, 2006 06:54
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Vasily Zaitsev posted:I remember I was walking down the mall in Washington DC on a path with trees along the boarder and I saw a White squirrel standing next to a tree, which was amazing because I'd never seen one before, so I took a picture of it with my phone and kept walking. Then at the next tree to no surprise was an average every day grey squirrel, I figured I�d better take a picture of that to because my phones camera sucks, so to prove that the one behind it was white I�d need a picture of a control squirrel, so I kept walking and astoundingly their was a black squirrel sitting next to the next tree, so obviously I took a picture of that to. That was freakin crazy because until then I�d never seen any other tint of squirrel than grey let alone a white, then grey, then black ones standing next three consecutive trees in a row. 
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Nov 6, 2006 07:07
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squirrelkiller posted:One time at a party a year or two ago, I was talking to a friend and his beer bottle slipped out of his hand... I kicked it in an effort to get it back up to him, but I was a slight bit intoxicated and I ended up kicking the bottle right into his shin. the beer spilled on his pant leg too I will have to back you on this, I also have this habit. It comes from many many years of soccer. If there is anythign on the floor, rather than pick it up, I will flick it up with my foot. I am always kicking things or trying to catch and balance things on my foot also.
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Nov 6, 2006 07:09
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fattyboombatty posted:haha. something like :sqrlpunt: would be perfect, and maybe an animated version of the avatar.
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Nov 6, 2006 07:24
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Eris Is Goddess posted:I'm a flash novice, but this should work. hahaha. i love it. also, i would like to add that me and the poster formerly known as pukeduke (too bad there's no fancy symbol i can use here) went to college together and he, on more than one occasion, had attempted to throw the disc at ducks and geese on campus also. maybe he's just a hater in general. 
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Nov 6, 2006 07:29
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I am looking for a rifle caliber which will turn squirrels into reactive targets. I am thinking .22-250 would work nicely. Comments/suggestions?
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Nov 6, 2006 07:37
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Charles Johnson posted:I am looking for a rifle caliber which will turn squirrels into reactive targets. I am thinking .22-250 would work nicely. Comments/suggestions? A scope and laser pointer.
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Nov 6, 2006 07:45
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Charles Johnson posted:I am looking for a rifle caliber which will turn squirrels into reactive targets. I am thinking .22-250 would work nicely. Comments/suggestions? .223 is cheaper and will take care of a squirrel just fine.
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Nov 6, 2006 07:47
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fattyboombatty posted:hahaha. i love it. This is patently untrue. The only avian creatures I throw discs at are Canadian geese.
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Nov 6, 2006 07:48
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squirrelkiller posted:This is patently untrue. The only avian creatures I throw discs at are Canadian geese. As a Canadian, I approve of this. they are agressive, filthy creatures that poop all over the place.
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Nov 6, 2006 07:56
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LadyPictureShow posted:Oh, and one time, I pegged a Raccoon with half of a muffin because it was blocking the door to get into the dorms. Out of curiosity, do you go to Harvey Mudd College? When I was staying up there, the Easties told me a very similar story--that a raccoon had come into their lounge and sat down right in front of the door to the hallways. This raccoon fled when they tossed things at it / near it (unsure here), but it kept coming back. To the people who say "it's just a squirrel": Can I punt you, and then be comforted by people saying "it's just an rear end in a top hat"? Seriously: it's not "just a squirrel", it's the life of another living, breathing being. Sure, we inadvertently kill things all the time (on the microscopic level: immune system, breathing on a colony of stuff and changing chemical balances, on the macroscopic level: we pay for Chinese goods, we pay for our taxes [oh god please don't turn this into a political shitstorm], we eat meat), but kicking a squirrel due to a stupid, already destructive habit with no beneficial purposes is another thing altogether. That, and squirrels are unnervingly cute.
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Nov 6, 2006 08:32
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Dude, you are so invited to my next hackey sack circle.
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Nov 6, 2006 08:38
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Rodent punting can be quite amusing, actually. But only when necessary. I was walking to my car from the beach on a night that was about as bright as day about a month back. I gave the keys to a friend of mine because she wanted to practice driving, and went back around to the other side of the car. As I'm waiting for her to unlock the car, I hear a scurrying noise coming from the tall grass and sand all around. I look down and see a brownish blob that looks to be close to the size of my terrier running right for me and think, "You can't POSSIBLY be stupid enough to cli-" Sure enough, this bigass rat heads RIGHT UP my leg (I was in shorts, so the thing left scratch marks that would make my dog jealous). Before it can make it all the way home up my shorts, I, under the assumption that it is a packrat that wants to "steal my treasure", punt the fuzzy bastard a good 15 feet into the brush. I heard it scurry off again after about a second, and proceeded to laugh my rear end off at the sheer absurdity of what had just happened. My friend had by this time climbed onto the roof of my car in fear, so I had to sit and just laugh for a good minute. Good times.
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Nov 6, 2006 08:40
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Jairbrekr posted:As a Canadian, I approve of this. they are agressive, filthy creatures that poop all over the place. I'll also lend my support to this idea. They might be nice to look at, but they wreak havoc on the parklands. I have no pity for squirrels. They got into the roof of my last home and hollowed out the insulation. I would lie awake at night listening to their knawing and scratching and make vain attempts during the day to shew them off my balcony. Three years I lived there and with all the failures I only ever had one partial victory... There was a group of them running around the balcony when I ran out screaming and waving my arms. Fortune pricked me when one of the younger ones cornered itself at the edge over a 3 floor drop. Certain I had finally found a chance to partially even the score, I lunged, hand waving in it's direction when it escaped into the air. Letting go of the ledge. The fall preferable to my antics. Little did it know I would never have actually touched it as I find the creatures filthy. I raced down the stairs to continue the chace, but it had hobbled away and out of sight by the time I got to ground level.
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Nov 6, 2006 08:43
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I once brained an owl with a rock. I was crossing a sandy little meadow, surrounded on all sides by forest, with a friend when we heard something hoot and make a few deathly screeching noises. In one fluid motion, I dropped to one knee, grabbed a rock, spun 180 degrees and threw the stone randomly at a tree. Then the owl fell out of it and we both ran like living Hell. I probably should have checked up on the critter, but I was eight or nine years old at the time and figured God Himself was going to annihilate my soul, post haste, for destroying a bit of creation. The sad thing is that, even now, if I would have known where the owl was or deliberately aimed for it, I would have missed the thing completely.
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Nov 6, 2006 08:52
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pesty13480 posted:I once brained an owl with a rock. Looks like you tapped into some ancient, primal human ability there. That is so incredibly cool; I wonder what else people can do if they just stop thinking and let their body take control?
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Nov 6, 2006 09:18
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Any Boy Scouts on this board probably know Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico. I was backpacking there a few years back... It seems that one scout had been sitting around at his campsite when he saw a chipmunk (or some similar rodent) poking around in his backpack, about ten feet away. He decided to shoo it away by chucking a rock in its general direction. His aim was a little too good, and he ended up braining the chipmunk pretty good; the unfortunate soul passed away. So what did he do? He did what any brave young man whose gear included a sewing kit would - skinned it with a pocketknife and stiched its hide into a hackey-sack filled with gravel. I should mention that it wasn't exactly cured - dried, maybe, but it still smelled like rotting chipmunk, and still looked like one too - a little face still was visible in the hackey-sack, and a little nub of tail too. It was the kind of thing that was just too horrifying to look away from. Godspeed, chippy-sack. I hope you made for some rad kickin' action, at least while your stitches held together and before you putrified entirely. :kittyjig:
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Nov 6, 2006 09:40
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You've murdered one of Bob Ross' forest friends.  
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Nov 6, 2006 10:19
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Sagan posted:You've murdered one of Bob Ross' forest friends. oh god you are so dead now
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Nov 6, 2006 10:37
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Mine might be difficult to beat because of the sheer magnitude of the deed. Before I put this out there, I was 15 at the time, socially awkward, and trying to impress a girl. It was also an accident. I was on a student ambassador trip spending 3 weeks in Australia, as stated, I was only 15 at the time and didn't really know anyone on this trip, and had a difficult time making new friends. This girl, pretty little thing named Megan had taken something of a liking to me, and was the Alpha female of the trip. We were in a spot called "Magnetic Island" doing a nature walk. Half the group (my half) got seperated from the counselers and we were walking around when we spotted a koala slumped in the crotch of a tree. That's right. Real life, in the wild koala, about 20 feet off the ground and 30 feet away. Being kids, we expect it to do something. "It's a loving koala!" So when it didn't move and in fact appeared rather dead, some of the girls began to say "...oh god is it dead?? It's DEAD! Someone find out!" said the pretty girl. "Pft. No it's not. It's sleeping." I heft a small rock the size of a half dollar, and whip it at the tree expecting to hit the trunk without thinking. I was ace at darts, alright at knives and didn't even think twice about what I was doing. I'll be damned if I didn't hit a protected koala sleeping in a wildlife preserve with a rock that day. Hell, I might be damned that I did. Right in the left side under his arm. The simultanious gasp of 10 pubecent girls was deafening, and my eyes were wide with horror. I remember how it flinched awake, looked rather confused for a moment before stuffing a sprig of leaves into his mouth, which I now know to be the ONLY other thing that koala's do besides sleeping. I almost got sent home on my parents dime that day, and in retrospect I could've gotten a good bit worse. Koala seemed totally fine an hour later, but for all I know he died of interior hemoraging that week and it was an agonizing process. I used to be so ashamed of this, and I still feel terrible, but it was completely unintentional, and I was a dumb kid trying to show a pretty girl that I could hit a tree with a rock and wake up a koala. Interestingly enough, I hooked up with the girl (as only 15 year olds can) later in that trip and she was my first kiss and I made it to second base with her on a beach outside of Cairn's, (a sweet accomplishment for 15 year old me.) I've decided that I owe koala's as a species a boon of some sort, so I think I'll start by eliminating their chief bear-rival for cuteness. The panda. ....Christ, I clocked a koala with a rock.  There will never be a better time for this emote. The Jabberwock fucked around with this message at 11:37 on Nov 6, 2006 |
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Nov 6, 2006 10:54
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You threw a rock at a Koala! That's even more  than a squirrel.
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Nov 6, 2006 11:00
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I can't say I've ever unintentionally killed or maimed a small furry woodland creature, but I DID nail a couple squirrels out my window with a pellet gun in the middle of a nervous breakdown once. I was also working at a CBS affiliate when Randy Johnson, the Big Unit, hit that bird with the baseball five or six years ago. Just slams this ball, ball soars through the air like baseballs do, then THWACK! straight into the bird. http://youtube.com/watch?v=LxL17vAM_o0 for reference. We were so bitter they wouldn't let us air it, but we watched it at least a dozen times, giggling like little kids. It was fantastic.
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Nov 6, 2006 11:07
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ikickdogs posted:new username Acenate Prophet posted:You're one to talk. PUN'T I'm not very funny
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Nov 6, 2006 11:34
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About rodents, we used to have these cute little things living in the lake, too bad they all died out one winter when the lake froze all the way to the bottom Cute little bisams, big as cats.
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Nov 6, 2006 12:28
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A goose once charged my friend, so he charged it back. After he ran into it, it turned face and tried to run away but he was faster. After a while of chasing and smacking to the ground of this goose it just kinda tired out and he tackled it, pinning it under his chest while it made strange noises. Now that the chase was done he was bored again and found something else to do. It was less interesting.
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Nov 6, 2006 13:04
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Gibmiser posted:About two years ago I was weed whacking for my grandmother, and I came to a decent sized patch of high grass next to a small tree. I start to cut it down, and halfway through I feel it hit something... I pull the weed whacker back to see that I hit a baby bunny rabbit. oh god thats the saddest bunny story ever oh god ..
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Nov 6, 2006 13:34
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The Jabberwock posted:I've decided that I owe koala's as a species a boon of some sort, so I think I'll start by eliminating their chief bear-rival for cuteness. The panda. You son of a bitch. You leave the pandas out of this! Koalas aren't even real bears. 
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Nov 6, 2006 13:48
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Squirrel cruelty isn't that uncommon here in the Midwest. I was hanging out with a few people in in my friend's backyard and he saw a squirrel creep out and noticed his dog barking at it. He decided it would be a good idea to get his loving hunting bow. My friend didn't make it in time, though.
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Nov 6, 2006 13:53
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I just remembered another: When I was a kid, no more than eight years old, I was at the go-kart track with my buddies. My friend's dad came with us with a few of his friends, and they decided to see what was so drat special about riding a tiny little cart (they were adults and had trucks, after all). A few minutes into the race, we all saw a squirrel holding an ice cream cone dart across one part of the track. Then another. It was almost home free when one of the grownups rounded a turn and plowed right into that little fucker and his ice cream cone. After the race, one of the workers scooped it up with a shovel and unceremoniously tossed it and bits of cone into the woods. The moral of the story? Squirrels are rotten little theives who cause you nothing but trouble.
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Nov 6, 2006 13:53
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 Watch your back!
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Nov 6, 2006 14:11
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blackjack posted:You son of a bitch. You leave the pandas out of this! Koalas aren't even real bears.
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Nov 6, 2006 14:33
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The animal defense force posters in this thread who don't read the first post make it much more hilarious. When I was a kid on vacation way up in northern Finland the neighbours huge f'off half-wolf dog ate an adult hermelin (stoat/ferret/box). That's when I got interested in biology and cooking!
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Nov 6, 2006 14:40
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