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Raveen posted:I hope this ends with a thrilling yacht race. No way, the norweigen will win the yacht race and then rape Lorna in the supply closet of the yacht club.
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Dec 22, 2006 03:29
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Old Dun Cow posted:It's not explicitly stated in the book that she doesn't, but it's implied in a conversation that she has with her friend. They're talking about how their mothers always want them to stab any man that touches them in "certain places" with a hat pin. It goes something like this: Wait, is this a genuine quote? Steam box 
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Dec 22, 2006 03:32
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the white bird is the rich girl the blue bird is the poor servant SYMBOLISM
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Dec 22, 2006 03:36
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Chachikoala posted:No way, the norweigen will win the yacht race and then rape Lorna in the supply closet of the yacht club. It's not rape if she wants it  Hell, even at this point in the novel, judging from the OP's posts about the book, it might not even qualify as surprise sex.
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Dec 22, 2006 03:39
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I just hope someone beats that damned Al Pellet. 
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Dec 22, 2006 03:40
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ClamsTheCat posted:Also, did men in the 1800s have to practice removing pantaloons with one hand akin to the way modern men practice one-handed bra removal? I am all about old school, and I am considering requiring my wife to wear pantaloons to bed. Gideon has changed my life! "I say, Jeeves, unbutton, then reach!" "Oh, dash it ALL, Gideon, I can never keep those straight!" 
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Dec 22, 2006 04:41
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Iroqouiz posted:So it's not a bestseller? How stupid of me to assume that the term "bestseller" would, in fact, indicate that it sold the most copies. Curse you, New York Times! NY Times' bestseller lists goes from #1-15, then there's an extended list. I'm not sure what number it goes up to, but it is, technically a bestseller because there are way more books being sold every week than just the ones on the Times' list. Anyway...I'm loving this thread, but disappointed by the story. If a throbbing, turgid, member hasn't strained against some pantaloons yet, I feel we're in for a letdown. The again, I'm not familiar with these kinds of books. If I want to read smut, I just read smut. I have no shame.
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Dec 22, 2006 05:13
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FunkLord posted:the white bird is the rich girl the blue bird is the poor servant SYMBOLISM Exactly. Blue like his DEEP BLUE EYES.
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Dec 22, 2006 07:40
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Oh poo poo, my ex-boyfriend's mom used to write romance novels like that and every room in their house was filled with stacks of crap like Danielle Steele and Nora Roberts. She was working on a Highlander themed romance novel last time I talked to him.  .Reading this thread has inspired me to finally read all the romance novels my best friend has given me. Apparently, my name is really popular in romance novels, so she likes to pick up all the books that get dropped off at her store with my name in them and then give them to me.
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Dec 22, 2006 08:00
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...Highlander themed romance novel. "...eyes ...throbbing... dewey... flower... need... arching... aching... decapitation..." On closer inspection... "McEvilson smiled coldly as the waves of the Quickening washed over him, then jammed the whore's neck into the sack at his side." ...poo poo, now I need to write this. Preferably using fewer ellipses.
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Dec 22, 2006 08:13
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Goat Problems posted:Exactly. Blue like his DEEP BLUE EYES. That are like pools of crystal clear water *swoon*
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Dec 22, 2006 09:58
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November of the Heart posted:"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you, Levinia? Then you wouldn't have to touch me, even in your sleep!" And you guys think Gideon is the villain? WRONG. In romance novels, a woman who doesn't enjoy sex is either the heroine awaiting her sexual awakening by the hero, or a vicious oval office. Gideon is hosed up because his bitch wife doesn't put out. November of the Heart posted:There's always some excuse, isn't there levinia! See, he tried to kiss her! He only rapes her every three months, and it's hardly rape if it happened in the 19th century! She has nasty metaphors suggesting coldness and dryness! She thinks sex is dirty! OP, not to spoil it for you but my prediction is that Gideon really loves his daughter deep down, whereas Lavinia is the real villain, a dried up bitch who will either try to seduce our Norwegian stud away from her daughter (my guess), or have him thrown in jail.
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Dec 22, 2006 10:32
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5'd and subscribed. I'm looking forward to where this goes 
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Dec 22, 2006 10:47
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Shonagon posted:OP, not to spoil it for you but my prediction is that Gideon really loves his daughter deep down, whereas Lavinia is the real villain, a dried up bitch who will either try to seduce our Norwegian stud away from her daughter (my guess), or have him thrown in jail. Oh god, this is like trying to suss out a season of  by the third episode! Only, I suppose, with more throbbing. And less smoke monsters.This is immediately my favourite E/N ever, OP.
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Dec 22, 2006 14:57
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Pages 121-200 OUT OF CONTEXT QUOTE-GASMFirst, a recap: quote:Here was Taylor, commandeering her elbow. And there was her father, watching. And her mother, whose only achievements were measured by the success of her supper parties. And all around were Lorna's peers, laughing and happy and unaware of the drama that had just occurred at the edge of the garden where the kitchen handyman cum boatbuilder had confronted the society belle whom he had secretly kissed and caressed just yesterday. quote:"Do you know what all this leads to, Lorna?" quote:"Here..." He dropped one hand down the front of her skirts and rubbed it softly against her pubis. "Like this" - he curled his fingers until they conformed to her hidden shape - "and like this ... It's part of loving. Do you know why?" quote:"Do you understand now? Me...inside you...that's how it happens; but if we do it, you could end up with my baby." quote:"You're going to bleed, but don't be scared. It only happens the first time." quote:"Oh, Jens...oh...ohahhhhhhh..." Yep, they finally had awkward virginal sex. Jens showed her what a penis is, Lorna bled all over his shirt and felt bad about it. I rate it a 4 out of 10. It might have been a 6, but they stopped in the middle so that Jens could give her a birds-and-the-bees pep talk. It also could have scored a 5, but I happened to be reading it while perched atop the toilet after a day of eating collard greens and pulled pork. Before finally succumbing to their carnal desires, there was a boat building passage. It seems that when wood is removed from a steam box, it's as limp as a wet noodle. My guess is that as soon as it comes out, the boat rolls over and goes to sleep, leaving the steam box there to sob silently. The only other noteworthy event is that Taylor has begun to realize that something is amiss. How, you ask? Well, during a sail around the lake, Lorna spies Jens out fishing and a shouted exchange of pleasantries follows. Later, during a croquet game, she spots him in the garden and proceeds to stare at him in horror with Taylor right next to her the whole loving time. Once again proving that Lorna has the intellect of a statue. Descriptions of Jens' BLUE loving EYES I GET IT ALREADY THEY'RE loving BLUE OKAY: 15 Descriptions of Lorna's sweet, sweet bosoms: 10 Number of non-Caucasian characters: 0 Euphemisms for  thus far:Warm, Dark Secrecy Join me tomorrow as I am stricken with the vapors during a particularly sensual description of a yacht! Old Dun Cow fucked around with this message at 19:12 on Dec 22, 2006 |
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Dec 22, 2006 19:01
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She bled all over his... shirt? I hope that's because she was lying on top of it, because otherwise, I have this awful image of a vagina-geyser searing itself into my brain.
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Dec 22, 2006 19:07
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Old Dun Cow posted:My love for you burns like a thousand red hot suns.
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Dec 22, 2006 19:07
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 Awkward virginal sex ahoy! Did they have sex on the boat? Tell me it was on the boat.
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Dec 22, 2006 19:07
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Women's Rights? posted:
Nope, it was the shed where Jens is building the experimental boat. Even in the pitch dark, she could still see that his eyes were blue. Since I'm working on his portrait right now, I'm going for a Children of the Corn motif.
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Dec 22, 2006 19:11
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Old Dun Cow posted:Descriptions of Jens' BLUE loving EYES I GET IT ALREADY THEY'RE loving BLUE OKAY: 15 Remind me to never again try to eat soup while reading this thread. My monitor is not very pleased with me at the moment. Fake edit: wait, his "warm, dark secrecy?"
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Dec 22, 2006 19:17
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Old Dun Cow posted:Nope, it was the shed where Jens is building the experimental boat. Even in the pitch dark, she could still see that his eyes were blue. Since I'm working on his portrait right now, I'm going for a Children of the Corn motif. In the shed? Yuck. You'd think that the whole "head into the house" thing would lead to him chasing her around her boudoir naked or something. Maybe they'll do it on the experimental boat in the end. Or sail off into the sunset on it together.
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Dec 22, 2006 19:19
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Anthropomorphic posted:Fake edit: wait, his "warm, dark secrecy?" Shhh! It's a secret. His secret warm, dark secrecy.
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Dec 22, 2006 19:19
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LaVyrle Spencer posted:at the edge of the garden where the kitchen handyman cum boatbuilder had confronted the society belle whom he had secretly kissed and caressed just yesterday "Kitchen handyman CUM boatbuilder" is right!  Anthropomorphic posted:Fake edit: wait, his "warm, dark secrecy?" Very few of the goyim were cut in those days.  Edit: Maybe that was a typo, and LaVyrle meant to suggest that Jens is actually building the boat out of cum (a "cum-boat builder"). If that's the case, I don't want to eat anything that comes out of the kitchens he's been handymanning in. Sidhedevil fucked around with this message at 19:26 on Dec 22, 2006 |
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Dec 22, 2006 19:23
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Dec 22, 2006 19:32
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Old Dun Cow posted:I'm assuming from this picture that Jens is as hirsute as he is blond, and not that he smears macaroni and cheese all over his chest in some bizarre Norwegian mating ritual. Edit: But I'm kind of hoping it's the mating ritual.
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Dec 22, 2006 19:34
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When you're finished with the book, would you please list all of the synonyms she uses for "blue eyes?" In addition to the Juicy Tidbits roundup. Please please please? Morgan Miseree posted:I'm assuming from this picture that Jens is as hirsute as he is blond, and not that he smears macaroni and cheese all over his chest in some bizarre Norwegian mating ritual. Well a woman doesn't just open up her secret places to your throbbing member mind you. That macaroni and cheese is a selling point!
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Dec 22, 2006 19:34
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Dirtbag Diva posted:Oh poo poo, my ex-boyfriend's mom used to write romance novels like that and every room in their house was filled with stacks of crap like Danielle Steele and Nora Roberts. She was working on a Highlander themed romance novel last time I talked to him. :psyduck She dragged me to one of these book signings. It was like a rock concert for this crap I took her to Terry Pratchett and Neal Stephenson book signings and she was like 
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Dec 22, 2006 19:35
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Morgan Miseree posted:I'm assuming from this picture that Jens is as hirsute as he is blond, and not that he smears macaroni and cheese all over his chest in some bizarre Norwegian mating ritual. It's LaVyrle Spencer--anything could happen. tonelok posted:My wife has written stuff like this for some magazines, and she has all of the Nora Roberts, Janet Evanovich, etc., books. Janet Evanovich is a mystery writer 
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Dec 22, 2006 19:36
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Sidhedevil posted:Janet Evanovich is a mystery writer Also, I think I have to show my mom this thread. She's a romance writer, sold her first book back when I was in elementary school, though these days she's mostly mystery. I've lived in and around the whole industry for most of my life, even attending the national conferences for the hell of it and this poo poo cracks me up. She'll get a kick out of it too. I've learned not to knock romance. It accounts for 40% of the fiction sold these days. There's loads of money to be made and the fans are ridiculously dedicated. It's a pretty decent springboard for someone who wants to get into other genres.
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Dec 22, 2006 19:48
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Sidhedevil posted:Janet Evanovich is a mystery writer
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Dec 22, 2006 19:55
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damnhooligan posted:I've learned not to knock romance. It accounts for 40% of the fiction sold these days. There's loads of money to be made and the fans are ridiculously dedicated. It's a pretty decent springboard for someone who wants to get into other genres. Plus, despite all the cliche and mind-numbing dialogue/plot, I have a certain amount to respect for romance writers. It's really difficult to get someone who hasn't read a book in decades to pick one up. If someone can get a Baby Boomer to read a 500 page book, they're certainly doing more for society than I am. Edit: 
Old Dun Cow fucked around with this message at 20:00 on Dec 22, 2006 |
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Dec 22, 2006 19:55
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Countdown to use of the term "button of love"...
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Dec 22, 2006 20:09
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Old Dun Cow posted:I can't figure out what color his eyes are supposed to be. I mean, can you clarify this please?
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Dec 22, 2006 20:13
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Haha, please keep up the heaving bosom count and provide more stats like this if it's not too much of a pain! Hilarious!
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Dec 22, 2006 20:18
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damnhooligan posted:I've learned not to knock romance. It accounts for 40% of the fiction sold these days. There's loads of money to be made and the fans are ridiculously dedicated. It's a pretty decent springboard for someone who wants to get into other genres. Hmm. I don't think traditional bodice-ripping, bosom-heaving, manhood-throbbing, virginity-yielding romance novels are really that popular anymore. I think they've been replaced by lovely chick-lit books which are basically the same thing, only the "feisty (yet annoyingly neurotic and hopeless without a man)" heroines are now living in a big city, inexplicably possessing a degree from an Ivy League school despite their blatant stupidity, forever attempting to diet and constantly wasting their money on expensive shoes. Or something like that. I don't know, they all kind of blend together in my mind.
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Dec 22, 2006 20:24
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tonelok posted:Sorry, I lump it all into "poo poo I won't read". I assumed it was romance, because her and some of her friends (who are also college educated, good jobs, etc.), had a half hour discussion about who would play the Scout character if they were doing movies of her novels (I think it was Scout, something like that). The descriptions they were pulling up sounded like something out of a romance novel. "Ranger", not "Scout". I confess, I just bought an Evanovich book yesterday.
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Dec 22, 2006 20:28
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Iroqouiz posted:It says bestseller on that cover. How is it that every book written gets to be a New York Times bestseller? You can write a gripping tale of two homosexual midget bakers from Bulgaria and still become a New York Times bestselling author. There is also a bestseller list for paperback novels, and the most common books first released on paperback are romance novels, which get a brief week of fame when lonely middle-aged women buy them up.
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Dec 22, 2006 20:39
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So have you found out why it's call November of my Heart yet?
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Dec 22, 2006 23:05
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Old Dun Cow posted:
That is the least sensual thing I have ever read. "Pubis".
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Dec 22, 2006 23:12
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Old Dun Cow posted:It's like some sort of hairy claw-handed super saiyan 
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Dec 22, 2006 23:14
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