|
Cha posted:
I was thinking the exact same thing. I think I'm going to start talking like this to anyone I ever have sex with for the rest of my life.
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2006 23:30
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 06:00 |
|
|
Plastic Snake posted:I was thinking the exact same thing. I think I'm going to start talking like this to anyone I ever have sex with for the rest of my life. "Baby can I touch your pubis? Oh yeah you like it when I rub your mons, don't you? You're a dirty dirty girl."
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2006 00:00
|
|
|
Anthropomorphic posted:Hmm. I don't think traditional bodice-ripping, bosom-heaving, manhood-throbbing, virginity-yielding romance novels are really that popular anymore. I think they've been replaced by lovely chick-lit books which are basically the same thing, only the "feisty (yet annoyingly neurotic and hopeless without a man)" heroines are now living in a big city, inexplicably possessing a degree from an Ivy League school despite their blatant stupidity, forever attempting to diet and constantly wasting their money on expensive shoes. Or something like that. I don't know, they all kind of blend together in my mind. I'd think that ladies forty and above probably snap up the heaving-bosom books, while women in their thirties and twenties read the "IMMA DRINKIN MAH MARTINI" new genre of chick lit.
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2006 00:11
|
|
|
Plastic Snake posted:I was thinking the exact same thing. I think I'm going to start talking like this to anyone I ever have sex with for the rest of my life. Once word gets out you probably won't be having sex with many more people. Unless you only have sex with romance novelists.
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2006 00:30
|
|
|
Women's Rights? posted:So have you found out why it's call November of my Heart yet? It could have something to do with the month of November but that's just a guess at this early stage
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2006 00:37
|
|
|
Can someone change the GBS thing to "GBS: B...babies?"?
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2006 01:18
|
|
|
quote:
God, it's like literotica and hentai had a bastard child. Why on earth do people want to know about BLOOD at the end of a sex scene. Ewww. 
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2006 01:36
|
|
|
My god, before the internet... So, when you didn't have dad's porno back in the day... this was it? Blood on shirt, for the love of christ. This is so bad i can't stop reading. Romance novels are funny as monkeys throwing poo at children.
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2006 04:41
|
|
|
Pages 201-300 Hay goons, I have an enormous, horrible problem and you're the only ones I can talk to about it! I always told myself that I would never post an e/n thread, but here I am. Sorry if this is a little long. Some of you might remember a thread I posted a while back about whether or not I should date a superior. Well, I decided to go for it. I was a little nervous at first because she was a virgin (emphasis on was  ). Eventually we started up a relationship and it was awesome. The whole summer we snuck around and had sex at her parent's summer home. At the end of September, she had to go back to her home in St. Paul. We started writing to each other through her friend.Flash forward a few weeks, the girl (lets call her Morna) writes me a letter telling me that she's pregnant!  Of course, I want to do the right thing. So I go down to her parent's house and Morna and I tell them that we're going to get married and that I knocked her up. Her father (we'll call him Hideon) throws a loving fit, slaps her and then kicks me out of the house! Sure, I'm his impoverished employee and I've been nailing his teenage daughter all summer, but I love her!Anyway, since he also fired me, I had to go back to the lake and move out my boat building supplies. Fortunately a friend of mine was willing to front me the money to start up my own boat works  . I tried right away to send Morna a letter, but got no responses. So I went back to St. Paul to try to see her, only to find out that Hideon sent her off somewhere.Flash forward a few months. I get a letter from Morna's aunt saying that Hideon sent her to a convent in Milwaukee! Of course I dropped everything that I was doing and took a train out to see her. But when I got there, she told me that what we were doing was wrong! I think that her mother and the nuns brainwashed her into thinking that it was immoral for a 35 year old janitor to seduce and then impregnate a young girl. But she's very mature for her age and I love her, so it's OK. Seriously. So, goons, what should I do?
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 16:53
|
|
|
Boatz posted:Pics or it didn't happen  Fake edit: Did you get pubis?
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 16:58
|
|
|
Old Dun Cow posted:Pages 201-300 It would be at this point that I'd light the book on fire.
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 17:05
|
|
|
Boatz posted:My life is in shambles, help internets! I don't know man, this sounds like a perfect time to bust out the boats and win some kind of a race to show how awesome you are, then the girl and her dad will have to snap out of their prudish funk and allow you two to pursue your love!
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 17:10
|
|
|
JonTheExecutor posted:It would be at this point that I'd light the book on fire. I can't light the book on fire until I finish it or it'll be a toxx clause violation. In the thread which preceded this one I said I would read any book on a certain bookcase from cover to cover. drat you, goons! (At least you didn't pick the Uniglobe Corporate Hotel Directory) Also, I might have to cancel the Juicy Bits Extravaganza. It seems that with Lorna hugely pregnant there won't be any more sex scenes (there's only 96 pages left) which leaves only the bloody mess scene and the :ph: scene. I'm starting my plan for the end now so that I can make up for it. I might rewrite the ending if my juices are flowing right.
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 17:17
|
|
|
Old Dun Cow posted:I can't light the book on fire until I finish it or it'll be a toxx clause violation. In the thread which preceded this one I said I would read any book on a certain bookcase from cover to cover. drat you, goons! (At least you didn't pick the Uniglobe Corporate Hotel Directory) Preggo :ph: abortion sex. It could happen. I'm kind of hoping it will. You'll be rewriting the ending if their juices are flowing, anyway. Also I hope this continues with more books.
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 17:28
|
|
|
hello, muhammed! posted:Preggo :ph: abortion sex. It could happen. I'm kind of hoping it will. You'll be rewriting the ending if their juices are flowing, anyway. I was pondering the possibility of doing a series of trashy romance novel reviews. I would pick the books based only the cover. Of course, this would mean that only the filthiest books would meet my low standards.
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 18:31
|
|
|
Plastic Snake posted:I was thinking the exact same thing. I think I'm going to start talking like this to anyone I ever have sex with for the rest of my life. I can't tell if that would make me want to do you, or if I would be laughing too hard
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 18:41
|
|
|
What happened to the designated rival, Taylor?
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 20:22
|
|
|
I like how it almost sounds like she is almost unfamiliar with the concept of babies as well, as if they were some sort of nameless arcane creatures. "To make babies." "B...babies?" She started and pulled back, her eyes disbelieving. "Yes, babies! Mewling, puking fleshlings!" 
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 20:55
|
|
|
Old Dun Cow posted:The sexual tension in the book thus far is so thick you could puncture it with a hat pin. Lorna and Jens have just stood there, akwardly examining each other, 8 times so far. This apparently lasts for minutes on end. Just checking each other out, biting lips and raising eyebrows. It's like two house cats sizing each other up. If I've made it to page 120 and the hottest sex scene is a fat man briefly raping his equally fat wife, then LaVyrle isn't doing her drat job! Will you just gently caress already!? From what I understand that's the whole appeal of romance novels to women. The sexual tension, rather than the sex, is like Kryptonite to them.
|
|
#
?
Dec 26, 2006 21:02
|
|
|
OK, I have completed the book. The ending was even more awful than the rest of the book. There's a boat race. Jens wins. They live happily ever after.  .I've decided to rewrite the ending, but I have a number of ideas. Since this all started with a poll, I'll let you choose:
I'll let the votes get to a couple of pages. If anyone is interested in doing some MS Paint illustrations for this, let me know. I'll send you the draft before I post it. Edit: Alternately, if you have an idea that you think would be better, I can add it to the list.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:24
|
|
|
LaVyrle Spencer Lets A Five-Year-Old Boy With Crayons Finish The Book Ending
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:32
|
|
|
Even better, LaVryle Spencer lets a five-year-old boy write about a time-traveling Zombiepocalypse in crayons to finish the book ending.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:35
|
|
|
The Human Cow posted:LaVyrle Spencer Lets Dr. Seuss write a Steampunk Rape Ending! I'm changing my vote to that! I want that! Gabe Newsmellz fucked around with this message at 20:00 on Dec 27, 2006 |
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:40
|
|
|
Powercube posted:Even better, LaVryle Spencer lets a five-year-old boy write about a time-traveling Zombiepocalypse in crayons to finish the book ending. Yeah, feel free to combine and edit the ideas (within reason. i can not write a pynchon style scooby doo ending okay). The crowd can pick up on the ones they like.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:42
|
|
|
Old Dun Cow posted:Edit: Alternately, if you have an idea that you think would be better, I can add it to the list. "Destination: Saturn!" ending! quote:i can not write a pynchon style scooby doo ending okay "I would have done it, too--"said the old, old man, his very skin coated with the lichenous creep of age, his mind bent by years of coursing through the stunted abacus of revenge, telling the beads of his enemies one by one, two by two, as the Tang dynasty poet Bao Hsieh had written one moonlit night behind the palace of the Emperor's third and favorite wife. The old man was old in a way that seemed to come before old; the very dandruff that fell from his old, bald head were flakes of stars and planets left over from the Big Bang. In his dreams, the old man wandered through halls of marble hung with samite, having the same argument again and again, with Liebniz and with Wittgenstein, with Isaac Newton and with J. Robert Oppenheimer. How could this tiny soul once have encompassed such big dreams? How could his wizened turkey-neck once have stretched proudly toward the sky, ready to take on Yahweh and Ahura Mazda and a choir of seraphim and cherubim and anything else the celestial dome could send down on him? And yet. And yet there was a tiny spark of-- something. Rage? Or pride? Or just the mindless NO! that spurs the the fly struggle in the mesh of spider's web, that thrashes stickleback out of the octopodes' clutching embrace? "--if it weren't for you meddling kids!" BLACKOUT. Sidhedevil fucked around with this message at 17:51 on Dec 27, 2006 |
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:42
|
|
|
I choose you, LaVyrle Spencer Lets Dr. Seuss write a Steampunk Rape Ending!
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:47
|
|
|
I don't care what kind of ending you write, so long as it involves dinosaurs. Norwegian dinosaurs.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:47
|
|
|
Old Dun Cow posted:Yeah, feel free to combine and edit the ideas (within reason. i can not write a pynchon style scooby doo ending okay). The crowd can pick up on the ones they like. Dammit, now where am I going to find five-year-old crayon-drawn Thomas Pynchon-style time-traveling zombie-steampunk-pocalypse Ghostbusters / Scooby-Doo crossover rape slash fanfic? 
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 17:47
|
|
|
DR. SEUSS writing any of the other endings but most importantly, DR. SEUSS.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:10
|
|
|
Gonna go with the wildcard here, the element of SURPRISE
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:11
|
|
|
Old Dun Cow posted:OK, I have completed the book. The ending was even more awful than the rest of the book. There's a boat race. Jens wins. They live happily ever after. See, Jens totally took my advice. SUPER SWEET. quote:
This would be epic, especially if you like picked up from the endingish of Dawn of the Dead with them in the boat and finding the abandoned zombie head before they realize their perfect sanctuary is crawling with the undead.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:14
|
|
|
Mulloy posted:See, Jens totally took my advice. SUPER SWEET. You're a genius. I bet you're rolling in pubis. You probably have to beat the pubis off with a stick. Pubis hound.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:16
|
|
|
Old Dun Cow posted:
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:20
|
|
|
Zombie Apocalypse as seen through crayon.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:30
|
|
|
Voting for the Dr. Seuss Ending please. I was stuck on the tarmack of McCarran Airport in Las Vegas for three hours thanks to fog in Phoenix, and the girl sitting next to me was reading November of the Heart. It sort of scared me. 
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:30
|
|
|
Dr. Seuss does die hard ending
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:47
|
|
|
Steampunk rape! Please make this into a regular event and torture yourself with trashy romance books for our amusement. This thread has kept me well entertained throughout the holiday period.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 18:49
|
|
|
I think we all feel their was a disappointing lack of sex in this supposed romance novel, and Dr. Seuss is too good to pass up, so let's go with a Seussical Steampunk rape
Elijya fucked around with this message at 19:23 on Dec 27, 2006 |
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 19:18
|
|
|
Oh god. You need to keep doing this. Find another one. Any other crappy romance novel, and vivisect it for us. This is just too drat good. Also, Dr. Seuss Steampunk Rape.
|
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 19:32
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 06:00 |
|
|
Ze Pollack posted:Oh god. You need to keep doing this. Find another one. Any other crappy romance novel, and vivisect it for us. This is just too drat good. Any crappy novel will do. TheBlackMallard fucked around with this message at 22:14 on Dec 27, 2006 |
|
#
?
Dec 27, 2006 19:57
|
|
