- Toastmaker
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now listen here rosanna and you listen close, the job of a doctor is one that cannot be interfered with by such trifling scenarios as beating irv the security guard in a rousing game of paper football, even if you're first and goal, nor is it something that can be interrupted by you doing donuts in the parking lot on a pocketbike while blasting space oddity. now i need you to go in there and tell mr krelnik that he needs a new kidney and i want you to do it right or else there is no telling what tin can i might shove you in, do you hear that major tom?
Toastmaker fucked around with this message at 03:16 on Apr 16, 2007
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Apr 16, 2007 03:00
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Apr 26, 2024 07:58
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Fidel Castronaut posted:
look closely daria, this is the face of someone that is never never never never never never never going to care about what strapping young captain of the football team didn't call you last night and caused a multitude of mascara stains on your pink pillowcase. you hear me? never never never never never *walks away repeating "never"*
this was much better than mine
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Apr 16, 2007 03:05
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- Toastmaker
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now ida its only a matter of time before you come crying to me that you're late this month and you don't know whose it is but youve narrowed it down to eduardo the poolman and your own brother but let me tell you now in advance that there are only several things i care less about than the contents of your uterus and those things are all reality television shows. now hook mrs darling up to her saline drip before she shrivels up quicker than your testicles after two goarounds in your crocodile mile.
JD voiceover: for your information it's a slip'n'slide.
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Apr 16, 2007 03:13
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NIGARS posted:
this is a nice closer though
thanks!
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Apr 16, 2007 03:21
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i didnt think it was possible roberta but you have plummetted to absolute zero on the perry cox "ounces of respect" scale. not only did you not pass go and not only did you not collect two hundred dollars but you managed to cause an iron, wheelbarrow and thimble pileup on ventnor avenue after swerving to avoid a scottish terrier and crashing your convertible into a firehydrant. now if you have anything to say to me you can give me a call on my RESPECT PAGER and leave me a message as to why i should ever entrust you with another patient again, and sandy, your extensive collection of snapple caps is not gonna do it for you this time, however intrigued i might be in learning that the statue of liberty's mouth is three feet wide.
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Apr 16, 2007 03:42
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Bwee posted:
toastmaker i love you
this isnt a very coxlike thing to do but
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Apr 16, 2007 04:07
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- Toastmaker
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Zima posted:
turns out toastmaker writes for scrubs
aw shucks
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Apr 16, 2007 04:16
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Bwee posted:
now look here, shaniqua, i don't care that your cutesy wootsy most favoritest ever stuffed animal got chewed up by a dog in a hi-i-i-lariously ironic fashion, or that your bestest friend forever broke up with you over a youtube video, or even that you remind me of a nerdy hairless Hugh Jackman, but i do care that you think it's a "more fun" to go out and play ping pong with your bald boyfriend when Mrs. Donaldson is lying there dying of acute vasculitis, so for god's sake, newbie, run in there and tell Mrs. Donaldson that you're her doctor before i use the power vested in me by god and dr. kelso to grant your four years of medical school and four years of residency to the janitor so you can finally have a job you'd be suited for
cox would never refer to kelso as "dr. kelso"
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Apr 16, 2007 04:22
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- Toastmaker
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now bobbo i know we've had some rough times, from me holding back your flock of seagulls hair as you vomited into my toilet while crying over your third mailorder bride leaving you, to our not-so-stellar showing on american gladiator, but i want you to know that even with all that in our past i have absolutely no hope for our future, so if you'd like to ask me for a favor again i'll be in the on-call room fashioning a giant q-tip to knock you over with while you're on your way out to the parking lot tonight because god bobbo you're more fun to knock over than a weeble, and the best part is, you wobble AND fall down
Toastmaker fucked around with this message at 04:37 on Apr 16, 2007
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Apr 16, 2007 04:33
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- Toastmaker
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its really not as hard as youd think
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Apr 16, 2007 04:49
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Little Barnacle posted:
i tried all ready. yes it is
post it; it's really not the words that do it its the dr cox voice in your head
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Apr 16, 2007 04:51
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bison wings posted:
*Cox whistle* Listen up, Meghan. I'm gonna need you to run a full infection screen on Ms Jones here and stop worrying about how you lost the tiny comb that goes with your little pony dolls. And I know, I know, it's going to be just IMPOSSIBLE to get those stubborn tangles out of their neon-colored-cupcake-scented hair without it. And if the ponies aren't properly brushed, well gosh darn, how are they ever going to attend Teddy Ruxpin's wedding ceremony?
im jealous
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Apr 16, 2007 05:18
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bison wings posted:
serious Dr Cox:
You gotta remember, betting against death is like betting against the house. And the house always wins, newbie. In this hell hole filled with the dead and the dying, there isn't much you or I can do with the deck so mercilessly stacked against us. Every person who walks in here is a bet I wish I didn't have to take. But we just have to keep rolling the dice, hoping that we get lucky, and that something we do actually goes right for a change. Because if, by some minute chance, you can save just one person... well that's a pretty worthwhile accomplishment, don't you think?
isnt this an actual dr cox? or is it just a case of "it doesnt DO anything, that's the beauty of it"
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Apr 16, 2007 05:24
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Kuback posted:
i think we're going to pull up the Coxipedia, the free encyclopedia only i can edit
haha
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Apr 16, 2007 05:44
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now i know what you're thinking newbie, i'm going to come over here and call you francine or deborah or roxanne, stretch out a vo-how-how-howel sound and chide you for some small mess-up ad infinitum, but today it's not going to work like that, because today is the first annual perry cox not-giving-a-drat day so if you need a stern talking to ask laverne her opinions on premarital sex and report your findings to me in the cafeteria while i'm dining on the most deliciously tasteless meatloaf sandwich imaginable and thinking about how they really ought to require golf players to wear kilts and i might be able to muster up the energy to call you a unisex name such as alex or sam or frances and list two or three things i care less about than your relationship troubles such as global climate change, the fcc and ugg boots which might i add are quite aptly named
Toastmaker fucked around with this message at 05:53 on Apr 16, 2007
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Apr 16, 2007 05:50
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Zima posted:
laverne is dead
you write for scrubs you should know this
what the hell really?!
im only on season 3
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Apr 16, 2007 05:53
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Jordan Hass posted:
and season 5 is out 5/22/2007.
you gotta get a move on buddy, we're allready on season 7.
drat im behind
tell me, does kelso ever lose a thumb in an accident only to have him ask cox to treat him and have cox go "what has TWO thumbs and doesnt give a crap? perry cox, pleasure's mine"
cause that should definitely happen
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Apr 16, 2007 06:02
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Jordan Hass posted:
not yet, but they have said that phrase like 4 more times.
also Elliot and JD will never be together and It Turns Out The Ending To The Last Episode of Scrubs Will Be, That it was all in a sno-globe at Bill Lawrence's House
---
Now back to the ranting...
Oka *Whistles* EVERYONE IN A SINGLE FILE LINE! One of you people decided it would be funny to try and add a cutsey-wutsy bunny sticker with a rainbow and butterfly on my clipboard, let it be noted that i nor shal i ever wish to be... a cutsey wutsey rabbit, i am not a rabit, i am more of a vulture, a vulture who would peck out the cutsey wutsey bunny's eyes and feed it to little baby vultures for nurishment because thats the kind of humane person i am... I am ruling it down to just two people Barbie and Barbie... if i find out which one of you added this brand mark covered in glitter and glows in the dark, i will make sure you will permanently remember this moment...
*end of the episode*
*JD Gets Up*
*looks in the mirror*
*takes off shirt*
*stares at chest and looks at the bunny tattoo*
AHHHHHHHHHHH!
haha
oh hey my first gold thread 
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Apr 16, 2007 06:15
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Defenestration posted:
yea I don't think you were getting anywhere with the "50s sitcom or Subsaharan Jungle Insect" threads
hey come on those were fun
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Apr 16, 2007 06:18
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- Toastmaker
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i read that neil flynn originally auditioned for the role of dr cox. imagine john mcginley and neil flynn switching roles 
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Apr 16, 2007 06:32
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bison wings posted:
if you read it twice, yeah its fine. these are probably much better when heard rather than read, so I am still requesting audio!
i dunno i think that they'd be better read unless someone can do a WICKED cox voice
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Apr 16, 2007 16:47
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Robot Relations posted:
yeah, reading them is dangerous because if it's not an awesome impersonation, i actually think it WILL make them less funny
my thoughts exactly
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Apr 16, 2007 17:01
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now felicia i completely understand that you're in hysterics over the two identical twins getting in a hot air balloon accident yesterday on general hospital but i'm the only general in this hospital, petunia, and i'll dishonorably discharge you quicker than lindsay lohan can do two feet of coke off the chest of her bodyguard's washboard abs. now get mr johnson's tox screen and head up to surgery before i take my newfound position of five-star general very seriously and shoot at you while yelling in german. go! jawohl!
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Apr 16, 2007 18:15
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- Toastmaker
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well alexandra i know you have delusions of superstardom but i, perry cox, the dream crusher, am here to bring you back to earth by shooting out the ten balloons you tied to your beanbag chair with a bb gun. so before you start shooting up heroin and hiring bodyguards i think you should know that the hardest working man in show business is not james brown it's humility, so at the moment your concern should be not with your ability to rock the aviators and pimp cane but getting mr celko his foley catheter and a morphine drip.
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Apr 16, 2007 19:12
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- Toastmaker
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now lucinda i know you're on an "organic" kick but as long as i'm residency director you're going to have to put up with my high fructose apathy, partially hydrogenated cynicism and i-have-nothing-but-utter-disdain-for-you-and-your-problems red 37. so between your next two protein shakes i need you to schedule mr lumsden for a ct scan to see if it's really the cigarettes that are killing him or whether it's not just your incompetence, flower girl, and if it is the latter, paulina, there's no need to worry, because my fist is 100% additive free
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Apr 16, 2007 19:43
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ThatsMyBoye posted:
We-he-he-heeeeell if it isn't Lucy and the rest of you Peanuts blockheads. I'd love to chat with you all but my business is with Peppermint Patty here. Now, please, I know you're now trying your "very best" to keep from imagining the words I'm speaking now as anything more than "WOH WOH WOHWOH WOH WOHHHH," but you listen here Frieda; don't let that naturally curly, volumous red fuzz of yours stop you from hearing these words: Schroeder won't love you no matter how much you striptease over his toy piano, and security blankets are for little girls. Not grown-ups.
jd: But Dr. Cox, Linus has the blan--
Cox: "WOH WOH WOH WOHHH WOH WOH" ::walks off::
ahahahaha
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Apr 16, 2007 20:52
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*walks by JD* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Apr 16, 2007 22:57
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drat it whenever i try these they end up sounding like kelso rants
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Apr 17, 2007 02:12
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Mastiff posted:
i don't have anywhere to host it.
i'll just write a rant of my own instead
well?
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Apr 17, 2007 02:36
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Defenestration posted:
Well I'll be damned. Sound the horn, alert the presses, one if by land and two if by what is this I see here? The widow Goody Two Shoes thought she might drag herself away from her knitting needles, which coincidentally seem to get smaller year after year as her eyesight withers away to a mere darkening blur of what it once was, and check out that newfangled whizbang computerbox sitting Inexplicably I Might Add out in the old barn. And what do you know, Newbie (believe me I ask that question in a purely rhe-heh-hehtorical manner because anything else would require me t. maybe dive deep into a kiddie pool I'm not quite ready to brave without my water wings) This little lady had a nephew not unlike the boy you wished you could be all the way through those excruciating years of ballet class, and this boy had left his computer open to his favorite website. Now we have brushed shortly on what YOU know, however I'd like to take JUUUUUST a second and tell you why I happen to know all this-Oh god it's so SIMPLE!
(What is?)
Either that kid left his computer on, or despite humanity's countless years spent observing farm animals to be some of the dumbest quadrapeds in existence, one of those dairy cows managed to somehow rocket himself a few hundred feet up the evolutionary tree because I SURE as hell know you didn't post a thread this good.
(But I--)
--too bad your eyesight won't last to see the amazing RocketCow.
haha
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Apr 17, 2007 04:09
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this bump is more shameless than the todd
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Apr 17, 2007 05:18
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Chamberk posted:
dunno why this is on page 3 but bump for possible audio or just plain goldmine
edit: toastmakerrrrr 
what
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Apr 17, 2007 05:55
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Atomic Monkey posted:
HAHAHHAHAHAHA
what happened to your avatar
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Apr 17, 2007 18:35
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tres dessert posted:
nervous guy NERVOUS GUY i am going *doug pisses himself*
doesnt doug leave by season 4?
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Apr 18, 2007 03:33
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Apr 26, 2024 07:58
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Chamberk posted:
doug's still around, he just works in the morgue.
drat what happened to atomic monkey and toastmaker
i dunno i guess i just lost my muse
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Apr 18, 2007 05:56
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Apr 16, 2007 03:00
