Pedo? Really? That's more like ephebophilia, which isn't that bad.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Pedo? Really? That's more like ephebophilia, which isn't that bad.

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Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2620872#post333209078

Xizer posted:

Pedo? Really?

That's more like ephebophilia, which isn't that bad.

Also, the feelings between the two are mutual. Just what is the deal here? Shouldn't we be more concerned about the creepy old guy going around with lollipops kidnapping six year olds?

How you can even put this guy on the same level as that disturbs me.

The thread was gassed out from under me before I could rip this fucker apart there, so Xizer gets a callout instead.

Dear Xizer:

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP AND GET BANNED

The word "ephebophile" doesn't mean what you think it means. You use it to mean "dude who gets down on girls just barely sprouting tits", when what it really means is "I'm using a made-up word to defend this kiddy diddler because I totally would have done the exact same thing".

Just loving stop. Please. GBS loves its pedo threads, and not a single goddamned one of them can go by without some Paul Reubens wannabe like you playing the apologist card.

It took Ozma all of ONE MINUTE to gas the thread after you posted in it. You know why? Because what you wrote was loving disgusting. Here's an idea: before splitting hairs about what precisely constitutes a pedophile, you make extra loving sure there's hair to split on the object of your "ephebophile's" affection.

Xizer posted:

"I hate lovely SA posters"

Oh, sweet irony.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 04:31

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 02:30

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

atticus posted:

I like how you bolded ALL the words, yet chose to italicize some and underline others.

It totally gets your point across way more than writing the words "shut up" a hundred times.

Shut up.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 04:35

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

GodofLint posted:

From the thread "A haven for pedophiles"

Hmmm yes if we don't prosecute it then we don't have a problem

I don't know, those Scandinavian chicks are pretty hot maybe they just have old souls.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 04:39

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

GodofLint posted:

fleshlight thread

You have to be loving kidding me.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 04:42

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Xizer posted:

What the hell, $60 for a bare-bones fleshlight? Maybe it is necessary to make one...

Look at the bright side. If you go the DIY route, you can make it as tight as your pedophile needle dick wants.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 04:45

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Drink Mountain Dew Game Fuel

Xizer posted:

fukken sold

If it weren't for creeps like Xizer, I wouldn't have to wade through piles of "CHEETOS LOL" and "LOLOOLOL MOUNTAIN DEW BOTTLE SPOTTED" in goons.jpg.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 04:55

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Goatstein posted:

no way when i was 13 i didn't know the world "ephebophilia" and i even read piers anthony

Oh goddamnit I have to hate myself for reading that same poo poo when I was a kid before I can hate you for it, too.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 04:57

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

When you open up your own thread with this gem

Xizer posted:

No I'm not a furry either, I'm talking about the gameplay.

people aren't going to be thinking about Starfox. They're going to be thinking about how you're in the loving fur closet.

Trouble Man posted:

oh look another post from atticus telling us how to post in helldump

Shut up.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:04

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

JollyKlansman posted:

If I'm not mistaken the misuse of the word on SA is more in that it implies attraction because of young (but not prepubescent) age, not in spite of it, so it doesn't mean anyone who got all worked up over Lohan.

It's still a fake loving word that pedos use to justify themselves.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:06

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

GodofLint posted:

And this one (nws): http://stephdump.ytmnd.com/

Why

Why would anyone do this

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:08

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Mad Platypus posted:

im connecting from a university which i would rather not get expelled from can someone tell me what is going on in these

In the first one, Xizer used Fisher-Price's My First MS Paint Kit to chainsaw out the pink haired kid's head onto the body of some jailbait reading a book under a sprinkler.

In the second, he did the Photoshop equivalent of tearing the same pink haired kid's head out of a magazine and glue-sticking it to some naked fat guy on a toilet outside a trailer or something

GODDAMNIT

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:14

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Goatstein posted:

mudkip

OK, that's it. Fucker obviously loves 4chan almost as much as he loves little girls.

I'd say "go back to 4chan", but I honestly don't give a poo poo as long as he's not here.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:18

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

friendship waffle posted:

Do either of these directly relate to Xizer? I'm curious. There's a whole internet full of disgusting poo poo out there, but let's keep this thread focused on the disgusting poo poo that will leave SA once Xizer gets banned.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:24

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

they should make another game like JFK Reloaded...

Xizer posted:

I love the whole "let's make a controversial game where you can assassinate a president!!" concept, but JFK Reloaded was loving boring after you played it for more than five minutes.

Overhyped lovely game.

Yeah JFK Reloaded totally sucked but you know what game I'd loving play over and over? A game where you could totally tongue-in-cheek rape the poo poo out of little girls. That'd be hilarious.

Sexual Lorax fucked around with this message at 05:34 on Sep 11, 2007

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:30

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Crumbunist posted:

http://www.getlazy.net/forums/viewtopic.php?p=22016#p22016

They have meets.

No. NO.

NOT IN MY STATE

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:31

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Foggy posted:

yoshi porn was funny, this is just sick and this person probably actually molests kids

you can't molest yoshi

You say that like you've tried

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:38

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

GodofLint posted:

I'm thinking he may have just set his age as 27 on youtube instead of 17 to get around age filters, but who knows?

Why the hell does fishmech have a listener bot running on that channel? That guy is all kinds of weird.

I don't mean to bring up this loving word again, but a minor isn't going to make such a loving court case out of the difference between pedophile and ephebophile. There's no loving way Xizer's 17.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:41

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

LS! posted:

It's like bareback rodeo thinks that people don't remember that he's so creepy that he made some girl move to the other side of the bus because he was sniffing her hair.

STAY FOCUSED. One loving waste of air at a time.

Get out of my thread, bareback rodeo. You're distracting the normal people.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:42

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

friendship waffle posted:

I was in a rocket ship filled with YTMND fads [dont ask lol] and Stephanie was one of the fads so I went up to her and started rubbing her arm then she like -- bent over and I pulled off her panties and stockings and whatnots and I like -- licked her rear end. LOL, then I woke up

Links. Now.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:45

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Goatstein posted:

here's another guy from his forums

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:46

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

flowmotion posted:

http://www.getlazy.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=165&sid=2fc7a7703080ecc974da7b9c7265c8c0

Xizer posted:
Okay guys, here's the deal.

I saw her first and I'm the president of the fan club even though I'm thirty and you will not think dirty thoughts about her because she loves me. Me. Got it? I called dibs, but that doesn't even matter, because if she ever met me she'd fall in love with me before any of you creepy old guys.

Also, there's this little part of the back of my brain that's trying to tell me that if I continue to have this aberrant behavior reinforced by the rest of you that I'm going to do something bad to the neighbor girl. So let's dial it back unless we're in live chat, OK?

Because that's totally hot.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 05:54

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

friendship waffle posted:

Xizer: heh little girl if u post ur photos we will masturbate

I just found that. gently caress you for beating me to it, and thanks for formatting it better than I would have.

I...have no words.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 06:06

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Xizer's Board of Horrors

Zokita posted:

Okay, fine, I lied. I'm not asexual. Possibly bi, I'm not sure. I'm just incapable of attracting a partner and I'm trying to pretend I don't care to ease the pain. But I'm not dying for it or anything.

Anyway, no one really looks at my boobs, but if they did, I'd probably just shrug and remember that I've been treated worse.

Xizer posted:

Aww, Zokita I'll hook up with you.

_{p.s. you have to pay for the plane tickets}

_{because the last time I flew out to hook up I was met by a reporter and a camera crew instead of an old soul in a pink wig}

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 06:19

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

ReidRansom posted:

I wonder how this guy's father feels about his obsession with a prepubescent girl in a show for children.

He's probably disappointed that his boy grew up to love little girls instead of little boys like he was supposed to.

DADDY TAUGHT HIM THE BEST WAY HE KNEW HOW

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 06:23

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

More from Xizer's Board of Suicidal Failure:

Samada posted:

I was told...somewhere... that the internet is serious business...so I was being serious. I did actually feel that way when I left, but I was also playing devil's advocate by trying to keep some order on the boards. Guess how that turned out?

Xizer posted:

You're a goony goon?

Well the Mountain Dew chugging, Wikipedia mother henning, preteen lusting, Fleshlight making, kid show forum adminning embarrassment couldn't possibly be the goony goon here.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 06:38

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Son of a bitch, I couldn't make Xizer sound worse than he already makes himself sound:

Agent Parasite posted:

I'm underage. :P

Xizer posted:

okay seriously where's the fuckin pics

I'm just getting the gently caress out of that abomination of a website.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 06:49

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

ReidRansom posted:

That whole site is already sad and creepy, but the fact that there's a NWS forum makes it so, so much worse somehow.

I don't want to know.

I told you I was loving done with that place but if somebody else wanted to put on a hazmat suit, register, and go on a mission for tragic comedy, they'd pass into legend.

If nothing else, it should seal the permaban.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 07:20

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

HHHH posted:

Dear terrorists,

There, please.

Dear terrorists

Kidnap them all, take them someplace else, do whatever you want. Leave my state alone.

I'm touchy today, OK?

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 14:11

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Hey, assholes.

flowmotion posted:

http://www.getlazy.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=165&sid=2fc7a7703080ecc974da7b9c7265c8c0

Xizer posted:
Okay guys, here's the deal.

Let's cool it with the ephebophilia-related posts.

Stop spamming how Julianna/Stephanie is hot. We get it. Save your perverted discussions for the AIM chat.

We need to maintain decency on these forums, drat it! Oh yeah you can still curse and poo poo. So no worries there.

Don't make me start cracking down on people. I trust that you people will be able to refrain from reminding us of your attractions to Julianna in every post that you make.

That is all.

Six minutes later:

Sexual Lorax posted:

flowmotion posted:
http://www.getlazy.net/forums/viewt...4da7b9c7265c8c0

Xizer posted:
Okay guys, here's the deal.

I saw her first and I'm the president of the fan club even though I'm thirty and you will not think dirty thoughts about her because she loves me. Me. Got it? I called dibs, but that doesn't even matter, because if she ever met me she'd fall in love with me before any of you creepy old guys.

Also, there's this little part of the back of my brain that's trying to tell me that if I continue to have this aberrant behavior reinforced by the rest of you that I'm going to do something bad to the neighbor girl. So let's dial it back unless we're in live chat, OK?

Because that's totally hot.

It's called a fake quote and it is a way of conveying what Xizer was thinking when he did his little "tee hee I'm not a pedo and you aren't either ~wink~" tapdance routine. What Xizer actually wrote is on top. What I wrote is on the bottom, and if it was too subtle for you, take a little break from Helldump for a while.

gently caress, this societal hazard has publicly posted enough to get his poo poo thrown out of SA and onto all sorts of watch lists. There's no need to miss my entire point and react to what I wrote as though Xizer wrote it himself. Put the safeties back on your reply buttons if you can't tell the difference.

Sexual Lorax fucked around with this message at 14:32 on Sep 11, 2007

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 14:29

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Syrg posted:

Here's something to make you feel unclean, though:

People thought your joke was perfectly realistic given what's come up. You emulated a pedophile perfectly. Good job!

You're treading a thin loving line.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 14:44

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Jeedan posted:

theres this guy called CJVercetti with a stormfront link in his sig whos in like, every thread talking about how much he'd like to ejaculating on 12 year olds or some poo poo. Is it just me or is that name familiar?

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas: Carl "CJ" Johnson
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: Tommy Vercetti

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 14:54

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Crumbunist posted:

So, is this thread over or can we use it to mock that forum further?

Whatever you want. This is Helldump's thread, now, and I'm not about to close down the fun.

quote:

And someone even made a collage.

Reminds me of what I saw after snorting a Pixy Stick on a dare.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2007 18:17

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Nefud posted:

i know there were bigger fish to fry for 10 pages but paul reubens was arrested for jerking off in a place where people go to jerk off. he never touched any kids, and you're stupid.

Christ, Xizer didn't make as big of a deal about the difference between a pedophile and an ephebophile as you are of Pee Wee trivia. If it makes you feel better, substitute Jeffrey Jones ("Translation: your rear end is mine") or Pete Townshend ("I was researching a book I'm writing, honest") or R. Kelly ("I like to gently caress kids").

Sexual Lorax fucked around with this message at 01:20 on Sep 12, 2007

# ¿ Sep 12, 2007 01:18

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Sergg posted:

loving PAYDIRT!

Jim Tindell = sdalkjflds

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

Giving permabans, I mean.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2007 01:38

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

sdalkjflds posted:

90% of the people who post on GetLazy are just normal people who like the show for the same reasons I do -- good songs, good CG, and a refreshingly good show for kid's.

I liked you guys better when you tried to justify your broken loving heads by making up words to dodge the pedophile label.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2007 03:14

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Xizer posted:

My life is one big joke.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2007 03:22

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Nefud posted:

read up on it, fuckbag, he was cleared of 99% of the charges, and they had to wait until the day before the statue ran out to charge him with jack poo poo because their case was so poo poo. i know it's more fun to scream and rant than face reality, but an accusation isn't a conviction

I did read up on it, and that's why I offered up some alternatives. Pee Wee isn't on trial here. A whole boatload of forums pedos are, and it's like Christmas.

Take some of your own advice about screaming and ranting before you blow a gasket over this. Hell, just sit back and enjoy the permabans.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2007 03:28

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Wait what would this thread be like if it were an episode of Gilligan's Island?

# ¿ Sep 12, 2007 03:44

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

homestarplummer posted:

This is going to turn into a witch hunt pretty fast.

Check your verb tense, there. It's been a witch hunt ever since we opened up the franchise to deviants other than Xizer.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2007 04:33

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 02:30

Sexual Lorax: Mar 17, 2004; HERE'S TO FUCKING; Fun Shoe

Big Big Moon posted:

Haha, Earthling and Xizer are working in tandem

Earthling asks a favor
I have a policy and that is stay as far away from helldump as possible
Xizer becomes impatient

It's cool if you're keeping tabs on Xizer to try to find others like him here at SA. If you're just looking to dump on him more, let it go. He's permabanned, and the best thing about that is not having to read a single loving word of his ever again. Good loving riddance.

Edit: ^^^^ There is that. Fine, let him twist for a while, but I wasn't as interested in tasting his sweet delicious tears as I was just getting rid of the rear end in a top hat.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2007 15:32

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Pedo? Really? That's more like ephebophilia, which isn't that bad.

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