Kauka posted:

[19:49] SAbabyhobo: RUUUSSSSSSSSSS
[19:49] MasterpieceRuss: YES! HI THER! BABY HOBO!
[19:50] SAbabyhobo: russ how did you get the comedy goldmine position
[19:50] MasterpieceRuss: I PMED LOWTEXT EVERY DAY
[19:50] MasterpieceRuss: AND I SAID "LOWTEXT GIVE ME A JOB"
[19:50] MasterpieceRuss: AND ONE DAY HE DID
[19:50] SAbabyhobo: i PMed lowtax about it and he never even replied
[19:51] SAbabyhobo: should i PM lowtax
[19:51] SAbabyhobo: and tell him to give me a job
[19:51] SAbabyhobo: like you did
[19:51] MasterpieceRuss: YOU SHOULD DO IT AND WRITE A FUNNY SAMPLE ARTICLE FOR HIM TO READ
[19:51] MasterpieceRuss: I WROTE A FUNNY REVIEW OF THE MOVIE SPACE JAM
[19:52] SAbabyhobo: OH
[19:52] SAbabyhobo: HOLD ON I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT I WROTE TO HIM OK
[19:53] SAbabyhobo: Dear MR. RICHARD "LOWTAX" KYAKA,

Good day or evening to you, SIR! My name is Spencer, also known on the "Something Awful" forums as BABY HOBO. Whilst perusingsaid FORUMS (as I often like to do while waiting for my macaroni and cheese to finish cooling off -- You see, I have a condition where Icannot eat hot macaroni and cheese -- I inherited it from mygrandmother), I happened upon a "thread" that informed me that you, MR.RICARD "LOWTAX" KYANKA, are looking for a new writer for the "ComedyGoldmine" feature on your website "Something Awful.com!"

I wish to apply for this position, MR. RICHARD "LOWAX" KYANKA. I am afine writer who has been a consistent source of humor for over THREEMONTHS now. I have written a variety of articles, such as:

"How to Toilet Train your Parakeet" - Proud Parakeet Magazine, June 2006

"The Lava Lamp: Friend to Hippies or Tool for Communism?" - Political Stoner Monthly, February 2004

"Where You Left Your Keys" - Where Did I Leave My Keys Weekly, January 2005 (EMMY AWARD WINNING ARTICLE)

I trust that you will find me to be a worthy candidate for thisposition. I am a hard worker, made strong by the many years I worked inthe coal mines of Southern Michigan. I will stand by your side,cackling maniacally as we, together, rule the forbidden and unchartedterrain that is "The Internet."

Thank you for your time, MR. RONALD "LOWTAX" MCYANKA, I eagerly await your reply.

Love,
Spencer
[19:53] SAbabyhobo: i don't know why the formatting is hosed up it is not like that in the PM
[19:54] MasterpieceRuss: THIS MADE ME GIGGLE!!! TWICE!!! MAYBE HE WILL GET BACK TO YOU SOON! GOOD LUCK!!
[19:54] SAbabyhobo: HE DID NOT
[19:54] SAbabyhobo: I SEND THAT ON THE 24TH OF FEBRUARY
[19:55] MasterpieceRuss: THERE IS STILL TIME
[19:56] SAbabyhobo: NO THERE IS NOT YOU ALREADY GOT THE POSITION
[19:56] SAbabyhobo: SIR
[19:56] SAbabyhobo: and you are better than i could ever be