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My fiancé is a firefighter, volunteer now and in the (slow) process of being hired onto a full time dept. The dept is in a VERY rough area that has a lot of dilapidated/abandoned houses being set on fire. My town does mutual aid and on his first fire there the basement caved in. Anyways, there was a line of duty death in Massachusetts today and those always shake him up. He’s mentioned getting eloped before our actual wedding date so that should something happen I’m not left high and dry. With the death he’s really pushing the idea. I’m ok with that idea and then still having the big ceremony, but how do I work that out with the officiant for the ceremony? Do I celebrate 2 wedding anniversaries? It’s a lot of weird grey area. I just put a deposit down on our venue so I can’t scrap that and do a completely different impromptu backyard party.
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Nov 14, 2019 05:45
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CeramicPig posted:My fiancé is a firefighter, volunteer now and in the (slow) process of being hired onto a full time dept. The dept is in a VERY rough area that has a lot of dilapidated/abandoned houses being set on fire. My town does mutual aid and on his first fire there the basement caved in. Have you booked an officiant for the big ceremony? If not you could have an officiant for the elopement and then have a trusted friend officiate the big one. On the other hand, if you want the same officiant for both, the right person will be happy to work with what you want.
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Nov 14, 2019 06:14
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slinkimalinki posted:Have you booked an officiant for the big ceremony? If not you could have an officiant for the elopement and then have a trusted friend officiate the big one. On the other hand, if you want the same officiant for both, the right person will be happy to work with what you want. I haven’t looked too deep into officiants yet, we’re not getting married until October 2021, I just wanted to get the big stuff (the venue) booked cause October is wedding season in the Chicago area and there are places already booking up for that date. But the far off date is part of why I’m stressing a bit about eloping. The hiring process is slow and I’m gonna let him gauge if/when he thinks it’s necessary to elope just because he might be on the ambulance for a while which is more low risk. But I like your idea of keeping the same officiant, cause even if it’s like a year between eloping and the big ceremony they’d be willing to work with that and would understand our situation from the get go.
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Nov 14, 2019 08:18
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CeramicPig posted:
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Nov 14, 2019 19:53
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slinkimalinki posted:Have you booked an officiant for the big ceremony? If not you could have an officiant for the elopement and then have a trusted friend officiate the big one. e: separate post Stroop There It Is fucked around with this message at 23:52 on Nov 14, 2019 |
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Nov 14, 2019 23:40
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we're considering having my fiancee's grandma officiate, she's written a lot of books and done public speaking tours and poo poo, idk if she's done this specifically before but honestly she would do a good job i'm fairly sure her grandpa's going to die in the next month or two, so we thought this might be a good way for her to have something to take her mind off of that, if not just for a little bit. but i do think she would do a good job we've also finally locked in our photographer 
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Nov 14, 2019 23:51
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I just asked this in another thread but I figure here is a good spot too. I want to legally change my name from Stroop Middlename Oldsurname to Stroop Oldsurname Newsurname. In MA you can't change your middle name as part of the marriage process, so on that it says my name will be Stroop Middlename Newsurname. I have not changed any documentation to reflect that yet, only the marriage license reflects that. I'm going to have to file a petition to change my name in order to change my middle name, BUT... am I supposed to put my former name on that paperwork as Stroop Middlename Oldsurname, or Stroop Middlename Newsurname?
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Nov 14, 2019 23:52
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my gut says to wait until your marriage name change is finalized and THEN change the middle name
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Nov 14, 2019 23:59
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Stroop There It Is posted:I just asked this in another thread but I figure here is a good spot too. I want to legally change my name from Stroop Middlename Oldsurname to Stroop Oldsurname Newsurname. In MA you can't change your middle name as part of the marriage process, so on that it says my name will be Stroop Middlename Newsurname. I have not changed any documentation to reflect that yet, only the marriage license reflects that. Huh when I got married in MA I "changed" my middle name (I didn't have one before marriage) as part of the marriage license stuff. Is it too late to double check? My gut also tells me to wait for the first name change.
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Nov 15, 2019 03:40
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This just popped up on my fb and I thought it was SUPER trashy  You could quietly cut those people out of your life and move on instead of the big public call out. Weddings bring out the best in people even a month after the fact!
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Nov 15, 2019 14:18
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Thumbtacks posted:my gut says to wait until your marriage name change is finalized and THEN change the middle name ExtrudeAlongCurve posted:Huh when I got married in MA I "changed" my middle name (I didn't have one before marriage) as part of the marriage license stuff. Is it too late to double check?
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Nov 15, 2019 14:51
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CeramicPig posted:This just popped up on my fb and I thought it was SUPER trashy If you can't afford a wedding where people don't give you gifts of cash, you can't afford that wedding. Super trashy.
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Nov 15, 2019 18:33
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For those of you on the other side How did/do you pay for child care, assuming that one of you is not a full/part time stay at home parent I have an in law mother 45 minutes north of here who works 4 days a week. Bay area child care starts at $2400/month which is close to what we pay per month in rent I've heard of some people paying for childcare out of their 401k, as a necessity. I don't like the idea of debt financing child care but if it's for six years as a "one time cost"...? Thoughts?
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Nov 18, 2019 08:01
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Not an answer, but the pregnancy thread is likely a better shot (there's a parenting thread but I fear judgy people)! (I can't answer because I had the stay at home option).
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Nov 18, 2019 12:56
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So I have no idea what bizarre bug caused this but I was checking my registry earlier, and apparently I'm getting 3 copies of the Golden Girls edition of Clue. Also 13 days to go!
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Nov 24, 2019 23:53
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Got married, if you have to go Catholic for some reason find yourself a Lebanese Maronite church. You get sweet crowns, the vows are literally "do you take this person to be your whatever" and it's traditional that the bride and groom enter together which I really liked. In less awesome news honeymoon is a bit hosed due to the strikes in France. We'll try again tomorrow to get on a plane.
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Dec 10, 2019 06:29
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is there a more current recommendation for site/sites that sell lab created diamonds? gemesis in OP seems to be offline. I'm thinking I get a really nice lab created diamond in a basic ring/setting and then let my partner decide what kind of ring/setting after?
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Dec 13, 2019 05:42
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I made little bridesmaid proposal boxes and I’m going to start handing them out tonight and throughout Christmas. They came out so cute I can’t stand it.   The crinkle paper will be the wedding colors. The headbands have different cloth/themes based on the girls’ interests. The first one happens to be really into Disney. And the sock colors are different for each box. (Please excuse my filthy carpet. It’s my studio/ the cats have taken it over so the cleaning in that room sometimes get neglected)
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Dec 17, 2019 13:30
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man i was just going to send a message on facebook to people
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Dec 18, 2019 20:37
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How do you present the idea of a destination wedding to people? We want to go get married somewhere else regardless but obviously having friends and family along would be nice.
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Dec 19, 2019 20:44
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George H.W. oval office posted:How do you present the idea of a destination wedding to people? We want to go get married somewhere else regardless but obviously having friends and family along would be nice. I would stress why the location is important to the two of you, and expect to be somewhat accommodating of the schedules of the people you really want there. I'd be prepared for a bunch of "regretfully decline" responses though.
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Dec 19, 2019 21:49
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George H.W. oval office posted:How do you present the idea of a destination wedding to people? We want to go get married somewhere else regardless but obviously having friends and family along would be nice. If you've already decided you're going to do it, then just say that, don't be wishy washy about it; also give people plenty of notice about where you're planning on going and the dates. We did a destination wedding, a few notes: 1) The wedding will end up being small, we knew it would be, invited about 50 and expected half that, which is roughly what we got. 2) If you REALLY REALLY want someone there, be prepared to offer them some assistance 3) Be prepared for folks to have opinions on your choice of destination/the fact that you are having a destination wedding, many of those opinions will not be nice and can in fact be hurtful. 4) If you want people to come for more than just the wedding have things planned - Our wedding was in Belize, we wanted it to be a vacation for everyone, so we went for 10 days, some of our friends stayed most of the time so we rented a house that we could all fit in and planned different events like going to Mayan sites, SCUBA/Snorkeling etc etc. obviously this will be specific to what you want/where you go 5) People are loving lazy and REALLY REALLY bad at planning, it will be very helpful for you to give them concrete dates ASAP and also if you can help them by giving them rough costs for everything (flights, food etc) so they can budget/plan. 6) Remember that some folks you want to go just won't be able to; have fun and try not to sweat it.
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Dec 20, 2019 21:13
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What things should I look for in a photographer? With a lot of them, the quality seems very same-y. Blown out highlights and the same posing/group shots. This one was recommended to my fiance: https://www.jlbwedding.com/2019-retrospective/ But honestly it seems slightly gimmicky with a lot of mediocre compositions that rely on photoshop filters. Am I being too picky? Should I try to stand my ground on not hiring a videographer? I feel like it's a lot of money for something that I'll watch only a few times.
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Dec 30, 2019 03:58
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Find a photographer whose style you like, then hire that one. Keep in mind that portrait photography is completely different from wedding photography, and if you have 100+ people at the wedding they'll likely have one or two assistants taking shots at the venue, so that matters. I'm firmly in the "no wedding video" camp. My in laws hired and gave us $$$ to pay for the wedding photographer anyways  In 9 months since the wedding we haven't looked at it besides when we first saw it. I would have gladly put that money towards our downpayment on the house or credit card bills instead.
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Dec 30, 2019 04:07
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I would also really try to find someone whose personality you jive with. If you feel comfortable with them, you’ll get much better shots and they’re more likely to go the extra mile for you. We narrowed it down to two of comparable price and quality, both of whom we loved personally, but ultimately leaned into the one with a more journalistic/naturalistic style vs a more arranged/portrait-like quality,
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Dec 30, 2019 04:12
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We used these guys as we found that, of the many portfolios we looked through, theirs had a focus on candid rather than posed shots, and they said that they prefer to mingle at the event rather than being The Photographers. Because of the vibe we wanted we felt they fit really well, and they totally did mingle and get lovely, candid shots as well as some more posed ones. It depends what your priorities are in terms of posed/candid as well as the overall editing, lighting etc.
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Dec 30, 2019 13:42
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Big McHuge posted:Should I try to stand my ground on not hiring a videographer? I feel like it's a lot of money for something that I'll watch only a few times.
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Dec 30, 2019 17:02
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Paying twice as much for an extra person taking amazing pictures would be far more worth it imo
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Dec 30, 2019 17:07
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My brother got a videographer that agreed to do it much cheaper if videographer retained the rights to it. He made a music video and it's amazing. I've watched it a few times and I'm not even in it. Some stills ended up in some magazines, so I guess it made the dude some $$$.
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Dec 30, 2019 17:22
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silvergoose posted:Paying twice as much for an extra person taking amazing pictures would be far more worth it imo Second photographer > videographer for sure. I used lime and Lily to save some scratch and it worked out perfectly.
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Dec 30, 2019 18:45
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I don’t want a videographer because I don’t want to see all the unflattering angles of myself nor do I want to hear myself recorded
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Dec 31, 2019 09:49
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Late bump here, but we hired a videographer and we were happy with the decision. That said, if we had been on a tighter budget, that's something I would have been OK with not having. We also had one really good photographer but no second photographer. For us, the videographer was a better investment than the second photographer, but if our wedding had been larger, I can see where that second photographer would matter a lot more. I was also in a friend's wedding where they had the same deal, one photographer and one videographer. In that case, their photographer wasn't used to doing weddings (they may have been pressured to use a family friend I think?) and they ended up being much happier with their video than with their pictures. What they really needed was (at least) one good photographer, but at least the video kinda softened the blow of the photos not turning out great.
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Jan 13, 2020 15:51
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So my mom is starting an argument that my 2 older brothers should be standing up in my wedding and I’m super not looking forward to the coming arguments. My brothers haven’t even congratulated me or acknowledged the fact that I’m engaged, they’re neutral toward my fiancé at best, I don’t want 7 people standing up, he doesn’t want them standing up on his side, the list goes on. My mom is very manipulative of me thanks to an abusive past and I’m dreading the drama this is going to start.
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Jan 28, 2020 11:49
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The best advice I've ever heard is, "this isn't your wedding, this is her wedding", and then view events through that lens You can either be firm on this, or waffle around on it. The longer you waffle the greater the drama. If you can't be firm about it, then maybe just fold. Waffling and leaving the door open for further discussion is just going to invite drama and she's going to keep prying until you make your final decision. If it were me I'd firmly tell her that you've already picked your bridesmaids or whatever, and it's not open for discussion and tell her to drop it. We had five people standing on either side and that was plenty, mix of family and close friends. Other weddings it seems like anyone under 30 is allowed to stand up there. Personal preference. Edit: maybe your brothers don't like your financé and by putting your brothers in the wedding your mom is making them support you and your future husband? It's hard to complain about the person when you stood up there at their wedding. Long shot. Hadlock fucked around with this message at 12:29 on Jan 28, 2020 |
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Jan 28, 2020 12:26
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Dealing with the parents is tough, I've been having issues with that as well, especially since my finance's parents are the prime financial contributors. Five weeks to the wedding, and just last week my future mother in law: *Hired a videographer after we told her we didn't want one *Changed the contract with the caterer so the event ends at 11 instead of midnight (and we still aren't sure why) *Announced she was going to solicit people for speeches to give on the stage we aren't using after we explicitly told her we don't want speeches *Keeps trying to get us to invite more guests after telling her no repeatedly the past several months And then other minor drama related to dresses and how certain things look, etc. If I wasn't already bald I would be pulling my hair out.
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Jan 28, 2020 15:19
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What's a polite way to tell your family members 'the guest list is up for us to decide, not you'
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Feb 1, 2020 01:33
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"The guest list is up for us to decide, not you." And then ignore their input and suggestions.
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Feb 2, 2020 18:11
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My second wedding is in three weeks and I've noticed there is very little outside input on the guest list this time. It's pretty rad being a ruined woman.
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Feb 3, 2020 00:32
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Just got engaged y'all! And man, people do not give you a hot second before they start asking about wedding plans. It's been a few days now, I'm googling around and brainstorming. It's looking like it's going to be two receptions. One in New Jersey US area, and one in Kerala India. Both are hopefully going to be SUPER CHILL events. Hoping for a September October 2020 date, hopefully that's enough time. My idea this second is to get married at a courthouse with our parents in attendance, then eat a fancy meal, then a day or so later have a reception with a ring exchange and killer buffet. Beer and wine only. No more then 75 people for the US reception. Then I'll take a nap for like 2 days and fly to India, take another few days to deflate, then a reception meet and greet and even more killer buffet. Then bum it on a houseboat in the backwaters for a bit and visit his family members. I need to talk to the MIL about the Kerala side, their expectations and the absolute minimum of stuff I need to do, besides show up and be blonde and pretty for photos. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of stuff I don't expect. I love my MIL, she's being pretty cool about this white lady barging in and demanding her anxiety be catered to. I think she's just happy to have someone to talk about plants with :p . I'm sure we're going to have our differences and I'll be bitching in the future though. I'm a big ol anxiety baby. I just want everyone to have a good time, get some good pictures, and eat very good food. Suspect Bucket fucked around with this message at 16:44 on Feb 13, 2020 |
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Feb 13, 2020 16:41
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Not sure which region of India but I also married into a desi family, we did a western style wedding in the states but also had a couple of Desi/Punjabi events out in Texas. Our strategy was "we will do the desi stuff in Texas, but you guys have to plan it". This worked out ok because we flew to their city and they planned and paid for it, it was mostly an excuse for them to throw a fancy party and invite all their friends. It was different but fun. Most of the events are smaller, like there's a women's tea hangout, another is kind of a larger family event for the community where kids/tweens/teens come sort of like a school dance called a... Mendhi? Anyways, read up on these, you may the up doing two or more of these while you're there: https://www.stylemepretty.com/2017/02/14/traditional-indian-wedding/
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Feb 14, 2020 01:13
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