JC Tenton

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > JC Tenton

Stegosaurus: Sep 30, 2005; _{yeah it was like, we came in one day and there was a five-seven just chillin on airbus two. we were like, 'the hell?'}

A bunch of fat old men playing soccer. But the other team left them behind long ago. Because they're fat and they can't run fast.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:44

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 22:28

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

SWELTER
I have been the chef here for eight years -- yes! The Templars were civilized.
They paid me, and they let me leave the compound.

JC DENTON
I'm no friend of your new bosses. Maybe you can help me out.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:45

That Old Clock: Jul 24, 2007; Did you get your precious photos?

Page: You have nothing! Even if Everett succeeds, you can't cure enough jerky to stop an epidemic. You need an entire side of beef! And don't think Page Industries is going to leave another one lying around for you, not after you ate the one in Hong Kong.

JC Denton: I was never properly trained in its operation.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:46

Stegosaurus: Sep 30, 2005; _{yeah it was like, we came in one day and there was a five-seven just chillin on airbus two. we were like, 'the hell?'}

Yesterday We Obeyed Kings And Bent Our Necks To Emperors. Today We Can't Bend At The Waist.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:46

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

TONG
This ventilation shaft will take you down into the bunker, but watch out for
the fan blades.

BOB PAGE
Jump! You can make it!

JC DENTON
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:46

dojokm: Sep 20, 2001

Anna Navarre: You're wearing sunglasses on a night operation?
JC Denton: I lost my sight to diabetes you bitch.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:47

Spacko: Jan 11, 2005; by Fistgrrl

Josh
I'm starving. Do you have anything to eat?

JC Denton
All I have is a candy bar.

Josh
It don't matter. I just need something in my stomach so I can fall
asleep.

JC Denton
Om nom nom nom nom.

Josh

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:48

That Old Clock: Jul 24, 2007; Did you get your precious photos?

ALEX
NSF everywhere, JC. Your orders are to shoot on sight. A UNATCO informant on the
North Dock can get you inside the statue. Look for a Bum. Identify yourself with
the phrase "Iron and Copper."
If you want to make a covert approach, remember the academy stealth course: stay
out of their field of view...

JC DENTON
...

ALEX
...Sorry.

JC DENTON
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:49

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

lol

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:51

Stegosaurus: Sep 30, 2005; _{yeah it was like, we came in one day and there was a five-seven just chillin on airbus two. we were like, 'the hell?'}

That Old Clock posted:

ALEX
NSF everywhere, JC. Your orders are to shoot on sight. A UNATCO informant on the
North Dock can get you inside the statue. Look for a Bum. Identify yourself with
the phrase "Iron and Copper."
If you want to make a covert approach, remember the academy stealth course: stay
out of their field of view...

JC DENTON
...

ALEX
...Sorry.

JC DENTON
...

haha

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:52

JC Denton-kun: Feb 23, 2008; The world before the fall; Lovely is the light of dawn; Noble is the heart of man,

Stegosaurus posted:

Yesterday We Obeyed Kings And Bent Our Necks To Emperors. Today We Can't Bend At The Waist.

If Deep-Fried Mars Bars Did Not Exist, It Would Be Necessary For Man To Invent Them.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:53

dojokm: Sep 20, 2001

Anna Navarre: I would like to be reassigned to Agent Hermann.
Joseph Manderley: Why? Is Agent Denton...?
Anna Navarre: He completed his objective, but our tactics are incompatible.
Joseph Manderley: In other words, he didn't kill everything in sight.
Anna Navarre: No he ate them.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:53

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

JOE GREENE
I interviewed the doctors: poker-faced as politicians. Don't even blink when
you say the word Ambrosia.

JC DENTON
Maybe they think you're talking about the food of the gods.

JOE GREENE
I'm serious. Don't you believe the stories coming out of --Hong Kong, that the
government had a cure all along?

JC DENTON
Food of the gods...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:54

Spacko: Jan 11, 2005; by Fistgrrl

Alex Jacobson
Heads up, JC. I'm sending you a satellite image. We've got NSF troops on
your right leg.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:55

dojokm: Sep 20, 2001

O.E.T.K.E.R. posted:

JOE GREENE
I interviewed the doctors: poker-faced as politicians. Don't even blink when
you say the word Ambrosia.

JC DENTON
Maybe they think you're talking about the food of the gods.

JOE GREENE
I'm serious. Don't you believe the stories coming out of --Hong Kong, that the
government had a cure all along?

JC DENTON
Food of the gods...

hahaha

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:55

Spacko: Jan 11, 2005; by Fistgrrl

Janice Reed
Good work out there, Mr. Denton. Mr. Manderley said you handled
yourself nicely. Welcome to UNATCO HQ. Our little family keeps
getting bigger...

JC Denton
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:56

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

Spacko posted:

Janice Reed
Good work out there, Mr. Denton. Mr. Manderley said you handled
yourself nicely. Welcome to UNATCO HQ. Our little family keeps
getting bigger...

JC Denton
...

god drat

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:57

JC Denton-kun: Feb 23, 2008; The world before the fall; Lovely is the light of dawn; Noble is the heart of man,

JC DENTON
Looks pretty bad down there.

JAIME REYES
Keeps getting worse, too. It must be raining bullets out there.

JC DENTON
The NSF aren't kidding around. How are you holding up?

JAIME REYES
Fine. I lost one of the privates because someone moved the organs out of a refrigeration unit to make room for ice cream. That's always hard.

JC DENTON
What a shame.

Spacko posted:

Janice Reed
Good work out there, Mr. Denton. Mr. Manderley said you handled
yourself nicely. Welcome to UNATCO HQ. Our little family keeps
getting bigger...

JC Denton
...

ahhahahaha

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:57

That Old Clock: Jul 24, 2007; Did you get your precious photos?

FILBEN
About time you showed up.

JC DENTON
Fudge and pretzels. The statue is fudge on a crunchy pretzel frame, right?

FILBEN
Password's enough, pal. Don't think you know something about the Lady I don't.
My dad did tours out here.

JC DENTON
I heard that you can get me inside.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 00:59

Spacko: Jan 11, 2005; by Fistgrrl

Alex Jacobson
Like leading a mouse to cheese.

JC Denton
The smell is starting to give me an erection.

Alex Jacobson
Don�t worry. We shut it down when you go off-duty.

JC Denton
I guess I'll get used to it.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:00

That Old Clock: Jul 24, 2007; Did you get your precious photos?

JC DENTON
Tell you what. I'll handle JoJo. You stay out of the way until the NSF have
pulled back.

SANDRA
I can take care of myself.

JC DENTON
You mentioned a smuggler...

SANDRA
Tough guy like you? Figured you'd be a big customer.

JC DENTON
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:00

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

AIMEE
Hourra! My kitties! Now they can go out and play and not get eaten!

JC DENTON
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:02

dojokm: Sep 20, 2001

Drug Dealer: You make BIG mistake, homeboy.
JC Denton: ...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:02

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

TONG
Strange... I'm picking up infrared pulses. Why would a bakery need electronic
security?

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:03

dojokm: Sep 20, 2001

O.E.T.K.E.R. posted:

TONG
Strange... I'm picking up infrared pulses. Why would a bakery need electronic
security?

lol

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:04

Spacko: Jan 11, 2005; by Fistgrrl

JC Denton
Hey -- what about that guy out front selling ice cream?
Is that allowed?

Sam Carter
Oh, Kaplan, right. We've got some screwballs around here, but he's
not the problem. It's whoever's been breaking into the factory.

JC Denton
UNATCO has it's own ice cream factory?

Sam Carter
Yes, sir, and a drat good one.

JC Denton
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:07

Spacko: Jan 11, 2005; by Fistgrrl

O.E.T.K.E.R. posted:

TONG
Strange... I'm picking up infrared pulses. Why would a bakery need electronic
security?

holy poo poo

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:07

dojokm: Sep 20, 2001

this thread is awesome

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:07

That Old Clock: Jul 24, 2007; Did you get your precious photos?

PAUL DENTON
They go after public opinion. If it wasn't for Silhouette there'd be a half-
dozen meaningless civil wars going on instead of any kind of worldwide struggle.
Ironically, to fight the one-worlders, we ourselves have to become a global
organization.
It's been easier than we expected. Average people are beginning to wake up to
the fact that bigger isn't better.

JC DENTON
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:08

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

That Old Clock posted:

PAUL DENTON
They go after public opinion. If it wasn't for Silhouette there'd be a half-
dozen meaningless civil wars going on instead of any kind of worldwide struggle.
Ironically, to fight the one-worlders, we ourselves have to become a global
organization.
It's been easier than we expected. Average people are beginning to wake up to
the fact that bigger isn't better.

JC DENTON
...

lol i had to check and yep it's in the script

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:09

MasterSlowPoke: Oct 9, 2005; Our courage will pull us through

Dancing Girl at Bar: Oh, I'm just waiting here for a friend, really.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:10

Spacko: Jan 11, 2005; by Fistgrrl

UNATCO Troop
The chief finally let us loose -- we were right behind you and cut
through them like a hot knife through butter.

JC Denton
Mmmmmmmmmmmm...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:10

Budzilla: Oct 14, 2007; We can all learn from our past mistakes.

Setzer Gabbiani posted:

Manderly raps

Get PILLS against my orders.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:10

dojokm: Sep 20, 2001

TESSA
I'm meeting someone.
MERCEDES
Hey, man. Where ya from?
JC DENTON
The 'States.
MERCEDES
We're from Australia.
JC DENTON
Hm. On vacation?
TESSA
Let's just wait for Russ.
MERCEDES
He's kinda cute.
What's your name?
JC DENTON
JC. Is this a good club?
MERCEDES
Oh, totally, and it's a Red Arrow place. They get everything real cheap. Look,
can we ask a big, big favor?
JC DENTON
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:11

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

Spacko posted:

UNATCO Troop
The chief finally let us loose -- we were right behind you and cut
through them like a hot knife through butter.

JC Denton
Mmmmmmmmmmmm...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:11

That Old Clock: Jul 24, 2007; Did you get your precious photos?

JORDAN
What'll it be?

JC DENTON
I'll take a candy bar.

JORDAN
There you go.
What'll it be?

JC DENTON
I'll take a candy bar.

JORDAN
There you go.
What'll it be?

JC DENTON
I'll take a candy bar.

JORDAN
There you go.
What'll it be?

JC DENTON
I'll take a candy bar.

JORDAN
...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:13

CHEESE-kun: May 20, 2004; by Peatpot

That Old Clock posted:

JORDAN
What'll it be?

JC DENTON
I'll take a candy bar.

JORDAN
There you go.
What'll it be?

JC DENTON
I'll take a candy bar.

JORDAN
There you go.
What'll it be?

JC DENTON
I'll take a candy bar.

JORDAN
There you go.
What'll it be?

JC DENTON
I'll take a candy bar.

JORDAN
...

BARTENDER
You must have -- how do you say? -- a sweet tooth.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:15

Sewer Shark: Jul 5, 2007; SHOOT THE TUBES, DOG MEAT!

PAUL DENTON
Dad ate some toast. I don't know if you remember his old mumu...

JC DENTON
Toast? That doesn't sound like our father.

PAUL DENTON
It was hard for him on the diet, but he savored every rice-cake.

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:17

That Old Clock: Jul 24, 2007; Did you get your precious photos?

O.E.T.K.E.R. posted:

BARTENDER
You must have -- how do you say? -- a sweet tooth.

this thread is great

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:18

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 22:28

Mystic Cave zOWNd: Dec 22, 2006; Trixie bravely turned her tail and fled

^{And there was much rejoicing.}

Bob Page: Not bad, you're a little faster on your feet than your daddy was.

JC: ...

# ? Mar 6, 2008 01:19

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