sgt_goomba was in the shit in the koopatorium

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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Helldump Success Stories > sgt_goomba was in the shit in the koopatorium

Rudiger: May 2, 2007; by Fistgrrl

DemanusFlint posted:

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Nov 21, 2017 02:23

Un-witty name: Mar 5, 2002; by Fragmaster

DemanusFlint posted:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Specia...ions/Sgt_goomba

burrrrnnn

quote:

Aside from its culinary uses, Crisco is also commonly used as a lubricant for [[fisting]].

sgt goomba wtf man

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:28

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

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sgt_goomba

ohoho major pussy sgt gumba locking that furry forum poo poo down

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:40

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

lol guys read his stories while its hot http://www.geocities.com/sgt_goomba/

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:43

VectorSigma: Jan 20, 2004; Transform
and
Freak Out

Autism Sundae posted:

lol guys read his stories while its hot http://www.geocities.com/sgt_goomba/

This is the greatest story ever told in the medium of crayon and action figures.

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:45

kow: Jan 13, 2006; by Fistgrrl

quote:

Mario Quiz Cards are back!

Oh holy poo poo FFFFFFFFUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK YEAH

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:47

Goatstein: Dec 4, 2006

VRRRRAAAAMMMMM!!! Mario's very own Lightsaber hums to life. He is a Jedi Master too! That explains all his high jumping ability, deft fighting skills, and way with the ladies! Vader offers an alliance. "If only you knew the power of the Dark Side," growled Vader.

"Mama Mia! I'll never join you!" cries out Mario. What a guy! He never forgets his mama.

Being one of the rare Goombas who thinks many steps ahead, backup has already been prepared for just such an occasion.

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:47

kow: Jan 13, 2006; by Fistgrrl

Someone pleas get Mario some earplugs!

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:49

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

sgt_goomba posted:

This is helldump 2000....right? I might be new, but I read in SAclopedia that this is the place where you flame assholes. Or is there some unwritten rule where I'm supposed to circlejerk with the popular kids even if they are acting like douche bags.

um, i *know* what this forum is for, thank you very much

this forum is for making fun of idiots, and that's precisely what i'm here to do

*deletes entire internet history*

maybe it is you who is too busy circlejerking to understand this forum

*gently fingers mushroom into rear end in a top hat*

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:54

kow: Jan 13, 2006; by Fistgrrl

Boniface posted:

*gently fingers mushroom into rear end in a top hat*

Someone pleas get Mario some buttplugs!

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:55

YO MAMA HEAD: Sep 11, 2007

quote:

And if I don't get any NICE comments, then I'll just have to kill myself...

quote:

Well...I HATE BEING A TEENAGER! High school's too hard, my parents whine too much, I have homework piling up, and I get so angry all the time that sometimes I decide to take it out on some people!!!!!!!!!!!

*Pant pant*

If only I could give aging a chance and kill myself now, just kill me now!

quote:

I feel like I need to commit suicide...

quote:

Sometimes I think about commiting suicide, but then I remember those who appreicate my works, and they don't want me to give up my future!

quote:

Jozier posted:
sgt_goomba is likely an aspie

I'm autistic, and I can't seem to control my anger a lot! My mom mentioned aspergers once, and I though it was a burger with a...thing at the end of...removing the b from bass.

YO MAMA HEAD fucked around with this message at Apr 7, 2008 around 07:01

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:56

YO MAMA HEAD: Sep 11, 2007

quote:

I'm not really going to say what I like about girls, but if I act shy or something, and maybe tell them that they look nice, I may slowly get a female friend, and then it'll be a girlfriend.

this is actually kind of adorable

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:59

mr.market: Mar 19, 2008; by Fragmaster

All of this toy theater is charming, really. But I can't help to think that I am being mocked, somehow.

edit: Also, I haven't been a teenager since 1972.

mr.market fucked around with this message at Apr 8, 2008 around 09:21

# ? Apr 7, 2008 06:59

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

story. by sgt goomba. age: lets assume 35 or so

LOOK HOW BIG AND IMPORTANT ME AM!!! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!!! ROAAR!!!! FEAR ME, I SAY!!

"Look, me may have no arms, an awful overbite, and bad bad grammer. But me am gonna take over Mushroom Land. Just watch! Must stop Mario first. Me have plan."

Mario was traveling through Mushroom Land, on a mission for the Princess, when he runs into a very self-assured and ambitious young goomba. "You better move outta the way, Goombas are takin over mushroom land bub!"

Mario barely manages a Mama Mia through his laughter. He bounds for a super leap onto this Goombas head when.....

"Not so fast, hotshot! I can blast you faster than you can twitch your shin." Added his companion "GRRaawarrraaaaarraaaaa!!" Goomba has hired some bounty hunters!! It's not quite certain where he got the money. Soom people say selling Goomba hootch.

But the bounty hunter is wrong about Mario, he moves with lightening speed, and he quickly trounces him on his rear. The furry creature is a little more trouble. He picks him up and winds up for a punch!! "It's not wise to upset a Wookie!" says the bounty hunter.

Mario finnally defeats this....Wookie... Always the philosopher, Mario remarks "Mama Mia!!"

But don't relax yet, Mario! Because that hootch brewin' Goomba is back, and he's got quite the ace up his slee...errr.....ace in his boot.

Goomba brings out Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith! "Prepare to meet your destiny!" says Vader, as he thrusts about his lightsaber in a threatening manner.

"See, better dat you jus give up now, Mario!" says Goomba.

Looks like Mario is in trouble, but he has a few tricks of his own!!

What's this that Mario has in his hand? Could it be?!

It's Venom! Spiderman's arch enemy! "You are responsible for the squashing of many innocent Goombas, I'll savor slurping your brains through your eye socket!" says Venom, who then licks his eyeball as if in emphasize.

Even with his trusty Lightsaber, Mario is in quite the pickle. What could he do? Well...he also thought to call in backup!

Batman! The Dark Knight has come to the aid of Mario! The odds are surely evened up now. We are all set for one heck of a Battle Royale! ..........Actually....I don't know...Something seems missing......

Ah-ha!! A chicken...Now, let's get it one!

BOOM!
BIF!!
KA-BLOWWIE!!!

Cluck Cluck Cluck, kaaa-raaAaAck!!!

Team Mario Wins!!! (Did you ever have any doubt!)

Tune in next week when Mario faces his most gruesome threat yet. The incredible Disco Dancing Hamster! Someone pleas get Mario some earplugs!

No more.

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:02

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

additional thanks goes out to waffleimages for not working

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:03

YO MAMA HEAD: Sep 11, 2007

Autism Sundae posted:

additional thanks goes out to waffleimages for not working

btw he was probably 16 at the time, which makes it totally okay because most kids in high school are busy making action figure panoramas when they're not acting shy and telling girls they look nice

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:05

Rudiger: May 2, 2007; by Fistgrrl

sgt_goomba posted:

All of this Mario memorabilia is charming, really. You guys really know how to play hardball here on Helldump2000.

edit: But seriously, I haven't been a teenager since 2001. I do know lemmykoopa forums though, but I haven't been there since 2003. I have alot of enemies there, so maybe someone is trolling me. Pretty funny though.

hey...

you suck.

and any obsession with mario that strong is pretty pathetic

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:05

YO MAMA HEAD: Sep 11, 2007

sgt_goomba posted:

edit: But seriously, I haven't been a teenager since 2001.

quote:

Oh, and SK? My e-mail address's Bob_1988@---.com!

i stopped being a teenager at age 13 too

YO MAMA HEAD fucked around with this message at Apr 7, 2008 around 07:13

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:09

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

sgt_goomba posted:

edit: But seriously, I haven't been a teenager since 2001. I do know lemmykoopa forums though, but I haven't been there since 2003. I have alot of enemies there, so maybe someone is trolling me. Pretty funny though.

but have you become any less of a enjoyable human being

sgt_goomba posted:

bareback rodeo, I'm not going to make fun of you, but dude, why are you here? I don't mean this in a nasty way: Leave this place and never come back.Unless this is a character in which case lol.

Free market gravy, I mean this in the worse way possible: you're a fuckface and get out of helldump. As you can see, we're all very impressed at your skills in annihilating an easy target. Go take a bath with a hairdryer, or at the very least beat up a toddler and score some jailtime.

Jesse Jackson, please cue your ever so clever hidden barbs or show me some mario porn that I illustrated because I love it so much. You're internet sleuthing before made me feel so vulnerable.

sgt_goomba posted:

The thread got gassed before I could hit send. I guess it's fitting, since I'm saluting trolls and this is a thread about trolls:

I'm just standing in amazement. Sax, jozier, and all the other trolls, this was really a epic accomplishment. The original obamaramma thread generated massive viewership, enthusiasm, and donations. Pillowpants managed to gather, what, a billion dollars for the campaign through "city name". Now all of that is dead. If left to continue, who knows how much money he could have generated by November. You've caused appreciable damage to a national campaign, just by being persistent cocksuckers. My hat goes off to you.

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:10

AffableCharlie: Aug 30, 2007; Laughable Charlie?

quote:

Fake News
Written by Administrator
Wednesday, 03 January 2007

Well, there you have it. The Wii has now sold 10 Billion. Micro$oft has only sold 2 million in close to 2 years. Sony sucks.

In other fake news:
Metal Gear Solid 4 is confirmed for both Xbox 360 and Wii. PS3 version has been canceled.

Sony is retiring from the console business. They will now only manufacture lawn decorations, and Christmas hams.

All Sony material will now be released for the virtual console on the Wii, as well as porn.

source: me.

this is pretty funny whoever wrote it shouldn't commit suicide

(p.s. fake news)

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:10

mr.market: Mar 19, 2008; by Fragmaster

Of all the horrible things I find on the internet that you could slander me with, I suppose I should be glad that that which you have chosen is so benign. I eagerly await what you find next while scouring the net.

edit:
This is outrageous! Posting pictures of people I know and searching for my places of residence is just beyond the pale. I didn't post this information anywhere on this bulletin board. Shouldn't that be in helldump2000 v2 or nowhere at at all. I don't mean to intrude into the moderator's territory in saying this.

mr.market fucked around with this message at Apr 8, 2008 around 09:24

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:11

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

sgt_goomba posted:

Of all the things on the internet that you guys could give me credit for, I'd just great that you found something so adorable. On the one hand, I can't wait to see what you find next while scouring the net.

On the other hand, seriously, posting pictures of people I know and hinting at looking for where I live is pretty creepy. I didn't post this information anywhere on something awful. Shouldn't that be in helldump2000 v2 or nowhere at at all. Not to backseat mod or anything.

rofl

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:12

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

The Something Awful Forums > The Community > Helldump 2000

(Mods: None)

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:13

f key: Dec 13, 2004

On the other hand, seriously, lmao

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:13

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

sgt_goomba posted:

I do know lemmykoopa forums though, but I haven't been there since 2003. I have alot of enemies there

if this is indeed someone from the lemmykoopa forums, let me say this:

know that you and i are enemies

and know that a bowser fireball is a dish best served hot

i'm sorry, but your attempts at ownage are in another castle

*sends wad of shittake mushrooms up own warp pipe*

heh, poo pootake

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:14

VectorSigma: Jan 20, 2004; Transform
and
Freak Out

sgt_goomba posted:

Shouldn't that be in helldump2000 v2 or nowhere at at all. Not to backseat mod or anything.

We can do that. Problem is, you need to leave first.

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:14

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

sgt_goomba posted:

Of all the things on the internet that you guys could give me credit for, I'd just great that you found something so adorable. On the one hand, I can't wait to see what you find next while scouring the net.

On the other hand, seriously, posting pictures of people I know and hinting at looking for where I live is pretty creepy. I didn't post this information anywhere on something awful. Shouldn't that be in helldump2000 v2 or nowhere at at all. Not to backseat mod or anything.

excuse me, i *know* what this forum is for, thank you very much

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:15

nationalism: Feb 25, 2006; "not gay"

sgt. goomba what kind of childhood trauma do you have to experience to fetishize italian plumbers and anthropomorphic mushrooms?

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:17

mr.market: Mar 19, 2008; by Fragmaster

Autism Sundae posted:

The Something Awful Forums > The Community > Helldump 2000

(Mods: None)

This is truly a den of skim and villiany, I'm going to bow out now before someone shows up outside my window, attacks someone I know, or steals my credit card information. Good day!

mr.market fucked around with this message at Apr 8, 2008 around 09:15

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:18

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

sgt_goomba posted:

Right, well, in that case, since you guys are a bunch of circlejerking faggots who can't fight fair, I'm going to bow out before somebody shows up outside my window or steals my credit card information. Have fun.

aww is lil skyler upset

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:19

VectorSigma: Jan 20, 2004; Transform
and
Freak Out

sgt_goomba posted:

Right, well, in that case, since you guys are a bunch of circlejerking faggots who can't fight fair, I'm going to bow out before somebody shows up outside my window or steals my credit card information. Have fun.

all's fair in love and helldump

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:19

Zoolooman: Mar 30, 2003

Autism Sundae posted:

aww is lil skyler upset

Goomba nipples.

Goddamn.

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:22

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

sgt_goomba posted:

Right, well, in that case, since you guys are a bunch of circlejerking faggots who can't fight fair, I'm going to bow out before somebody shows up outside my window, attacks someone I know, or steals my credit card information. Have fun.

how about you promise never to post here again on pain of being permabanned, otherwise there's no reason for all the posters here with lexis-nexis to stop at just your email addresses and not go straight for driver's license photos and info, tax records... the list goes on and on

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:23

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:24

YO MAMA HEAD: Sep 11, 2007

http://dragonpassion66.sheezyart.com/ i'm lovin your sheezyart, especially your favorites

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:24

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

Autism Sundae posted:

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:25

VectorSigma: Jan 20, 2004; Transform
and
Freak Out

holy poo poo i just got fired thanks

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:26

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

lol is it him for sure

Artist's Description
Mar 13th 2005, 12:21AM

This is my own, personalized ID for Sheezyart. Nice, huh? Oh, and the image of me as a Sailor Senshi is made by Tomonori, she told me to put it up instead of herself. I drew the happy face, the copyright symbol, and the face with the tongue sticking out.

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:26

Zoolooman: Mar 30, 2003

If you think of yourself as a goomba, do you daydream of women stomping you flat?

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Nov 21, 2017 02:23

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

the_ruiner posted:

holy poo poo i just got hard

# ? Apr 7, 2008 07:27

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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Helldump Success Stories > sgt_goomba was in the shit in the koopatorium