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Oh christ. yes, gently caress YES! Welcome back Major failure! I've been waiting for this for so long!
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Apr 8, 2008 22:14
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So how is this going to work? Steampunk? How will we get Bears with Gold Shotguns? Or Killer Whales with Cave Troll appendages? Snakes on a Brain? Come on man, you've go big shoes to fill this season! Really, if this takes place before the other ZOOFIGHTS occured, I don't see a possibility of ANY return guests. Like the... *glances around nevously* Owlmen.. Maybe we're better off without returning guests...
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Apr 8, 2008 22:27
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What the hell is that a pile of?
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Apr 8, 2008 22:38
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Captain Foo posted:I remember the first zoofights, and it was loving awesome. Missed the second, and am now really excited for this! I wasn't around for the first, but remember the first being epic. I actually missed almost the entirety of the ending, which I suppose I shouldn't be too bummed about, hearing others' opinions of it. I don't even know what happened with the whole Necro Goat / Swan Mass thing. The last thing I remember is the Audience, along with Captain Jack Sasquach and the Canadian Shotgun-Wield Bear Whose Name I Forget teaming up to fight them. Also Owlmen. Unfortunately I lost my Plat in the last great "Everyone who posts in this thread gets Banned for no reason" thread, but I'm pretty sure you have my gmail if you need a hand for anything, Major.
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Apr 8, 2008 22:48
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Oh poo poo, definitely (Edit: changed my vote on page three) Big fan, Mr. J, looking forward to having you with us! E: Hahaha oh god, is ten a goddamn TRAIN?! Andother E: Ooooh, 15 looks like a distant cousin of my favorite contestant of last season, the Killer whale with Cave Troll arms and legs. I wish I could remember his name... Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 00:40 on Apr 9, 2008 |
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Apr 8, 2008 22:58
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Knobjockey posted:15 How can a loving firebreathing shark with crab legs loving lose? Alligators are fireproof. Look it up it's a loving FACT. And this one has goddamn WINGS goddamnit poo poo this is gonna be so awesome.
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Apr 8, 2008 23:04
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I'm going to change my vote to Number 11, because really, I can tell exactly what 4 is from looking at it, but 11 just looks so... forboding. I want to know if that's a helmt or a tentacle curving overhead. And I want to know now.
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Apr 9, 2008 00:38
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THE STANDINGS, GENTS! 8 - 6 10 - 12 11 - 11 13 - 6 14 - 7 These are the top Five. As you can see though, it's a dead heat between Ten, which seems to be some sort of LAME TRAIN and Eleven, the Hulking Mysterious Behemoth That could Probably Eat a Train Like a Vienna Sausage. Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 01:09 on Apr 9, 2008 |
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Apr 9, 2008 01:07
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Poetry, you say? There once was a Crab from Japan, Whos claws could disembowl a man. Said he to his Foe, "Let's give them a show! As only two Genteelmen can!" Obviously, my vote is for our Carapaced Companion. Reanimammut is nothing more than a walking hunk of shag waiting to be snipped to bits. His offensive odor will undoubtedly prompt our Good Fellow to action, resulting in a handy win! Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 02:14 on Apr 9, 2008 |
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Apr 9, 2008 02:12
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A Dissertation on Motiv. A large, land-based Herd Pachiderm has found itself incased in ice, it's conciousness as frozen as it's bowels. Then, from the black nether, a spark of light as his being is torn back into our world. In what seems to him to be the blink of an eye, he has lost the entirety of his family, his very race. He finds himself in a climate poorly replicating his own. His is lost, alone, and rather suprised to find that his entire body is a rotting pile of flesh besieged by insects. To borrow a phrase from Jaccubin, His Life Sucks. The holes in his body and mind filled with Metal and Black Magic, we find ourselves with a most distasteful creature: An Emolephant. Unmotivated, soggy, and ultimately impotent. Elswhile, an ancient specimine lurks beneath the sea. While his foe has been on ice, this dapper genteelman has spent his time studying bushido and cultivating a fine collection of literature. One fine morning, he is hauled to the bright surface of his universe to find his homeland on the cusp of cultural enlightenment. This honorable deep-sea samurai finds himself quite at home amonge the Aristocracy, where a well-groomed and disciplened fellow does not want for anything. Generously endowed with the finest of techonlogical wonders this day and age has to offer, and the snappiest apparel to boot, Steamcrab is more than ready to settle accounts with this savage who would seek to upset a gentleman's tea time! Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 03:37 on Apr 9, 2008 |
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Apr 9, 2008 03:35
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NorphTehDwarf posted:Pachyderms trump echinoderms any day of the week. Let's break it down, shall we? Whatever state of decomposition Reanimut happens to be in, he's still massive on a scale previously forgotten by the non-silly-hatted peoples of the world. Secondarily, he's basically one giant blunt object. Good mister Crab-san is, because of his chitinous construction, very brittle. This may be offset by the steel plate that has replaced a good portion of his carapace, but not enough to resist Reanimut's multi-ton avalanche decaying flesh. Brittle? Have you ever been hit in the face with an Alaskan King Crab leg at my friends wedding that I was the best man at by his friend that was jealouse that he wasn't the best man? That poo poo is HARD and it HURTS. And it scars and it has some poo poo in it that makes you itch if it breaks the skin goddamn. Edit: Great Ocean Spider Crushes Foes with Steam, Metal, Monocle, Top Hat. Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 04:45 on Apr 9, 2008 |
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Apr 9, 2008 04:41
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Captain Corduroy posted:Steam Crab will give Reanimammut what for! HeyniceavatarDON'TYOUHAVEAWEBSITETOWORKON?! ...sorry, withdrawals.
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Apr 9, 2008 04:54
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NeurosisHead posted:
This is my favorite so far. The imagery evoked by the final lines really sells it. Now that I'm quoting it, why did you italicize each individual line?
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Apr 9, 2008 05:40
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Skellen posted:I'm thinking that an assault on said cup of tea might be one of the worst mistakes Reanimummut could make. Indeed. 
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Apr 9, 2008 06:06
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^^^ Ever steamed a dead cat and taken a hydrolic comb to it? Not much left after that, I dare say! And that's an innaccurate representation, Steamcrab is a giant gently caress-off sized crab. Gnaws intently on a fine pipe that billows grandly with each syllable Well 'Gents, are we ready for a show, or are we ready for a show! Have at the bastard, you right dapper snapper! Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 20:09 on Apr 9, 2008 |
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Apr 9, 2008 19:59
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I love the yellow and black hazard markers. "Watch out, *this part* is dangerous!"
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Apr 9, 2008 20:11
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Woland posted:You got this steamcrab, take this chump to school, show him how we do 20,000 leagues below. *ahem* 20,000 leagues traveled, sir, not deep. I don't think the planet is even 20,000 leagues thick.
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Apr 9, 2008 20:15
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Gus Hobbleton posted:20,000 leagues has nothing on 20,000 years of flash frozen rage, amplified by the finest vodka this world has to offer. Oh, so now the blundering beast is drunk? Yes I'm sure a reserved, sober subterrainean samurai with be hard pressed to deal with a boozed up pile of carrion... 
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Apr 9, 2008 20:19
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Rogaine Yoshi posted:Steamcrab is a pussy piece of human being poo poo basically. Egads, well I don't suppose there's any topping this trump card. I hadn't thought of things from that perspective, and I must say, you've swayed me. Thank you for that.
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Apr 9, 2008 20:28
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pointingdevice posted:Leave naught but the tusks, Steamcrab! Take them as trophies! Reanimated Ivory would fetch a tidy price on the open market.
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Apr 9, 2008 20:29
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The audience commentary is always fun to listen to, but I'm looking forward to what our two men at ringside have to say. They've probably got a better view of thigns than we do.
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Apr 9, 2008 20:40
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d_redguy posted:Rotten...or PETRIFIED? Petrification occurs when the organic compounds are replaced with minerals. Very unlikely to occer while frozen in ice. Also, not to be confused with Steamcrab "replacing" Reanimammut's frontal lobe with a piston-driven metal claw. EDIT: BULLSHIT!
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Apr 9, 2008 20:44
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Major Failure posted:Bravo man, that was worth five votes, and as such I'll chalk them up for the underdog. I make these threads for poo poo like this. Author bias, I say!
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Apr 9, 2008 20:46
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STEEEEEEAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAB!
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Apr 9, 2008 20:58
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heheh is it just me or does it look like the ending of this had to be hastily rewritten(drawn?) due to negative fan reaction? Jus the same, I never doubted you, boyo!
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Apr 9, 2008 21:02
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Whisker Biscuit posted:Also, to the guy saying you can rebuild him...is that legal? Re arming between rounds I mean? It's a mainstay of ZOOFIGHTS.
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Apr 9, 2008 21:08
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Spoonsy posted:Be wary of the rebuild period, men. That's when the victor plays God and takes the spoils from the carcass of his beaten foe. Watch out for Steamcrab coming back with some undead bits attached. I wouldn't be surprised to see that vodka tank utilized as a flamethrower or something of the like. This needs to be in the OP, lest we grow complacent and get caught unawares. Not all of our contestants are happy at having been... improved.
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Apr 9, 2008 21:41
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I see what appears to be a dog's head for a hand, so I'm voting Number 7
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Apr 9, 2008 21:53
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Whisker Biscuit posted:Steamcrab would be well advised to attach the tusks to his frontal armor. Think about it. Bigger, heavier foes getting in close and crushing him is clearly a weakness. The tusks will really slow down the more grapple-y fighters and allow Steamcrab to bring his ferocious weapons into play at the perfect range. Woo! I don't know where the idea of the victor taking parts of the vanquished came from, last season they simply got improvments in between rounds.
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Apr 9, 2008 22:28
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I had nothing to do with this. Nothing.
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Apr 9, 2008 22:33
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With an Hour left, it's much closer this time around! Number 2 - 5 Number 4 - 3 Number 5 - 4 Number 7 - 5 Number 8 - 3 Number 9 - 6 Number 12 - 5 Number 13 - 6 Number 14 - 9 Number 15 - 1 14 Seems popular, but second place is still (almost) anyone's guess!
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Apr 9, 2008 23:08
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Dogheadfist, people! Come on!
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Apr 9, 2008 23:38
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LADoMAN posted:The glorious moment where SteamCrab cracked down on the Ruski innards was captured for all time and put on display to serve as a reminder of the nippo strength, go crab go! Hahaha what the hell?! Thsoe are some very pink guts!
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Apr 9, 2008 23:48
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Am I the only one who thinks that these four will actually get along really well? I mean, a hard-assed(tailed?) war vet and a trio of club wield frat boys? Sounds like one hell of a kegger to me! Anyways, if it does come down to a fight (which is undoubtedly will, when the tapirs insist that they're more badass than the Manatee, and the knowing veteran takes offence and procedes to learn those young punks a thing or two), the hardened resolve of the Manatee with rise above the spastic, uncoordinated Tapogres. EDIT: Disregard, vote changed Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 01:54 on Apr 10, 2008 |
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Apr 10, 2008 00:12
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There is a limit to the amount of skull-crushing bad-assery present in a single hardened space veteran. With only three shots in that harpoon gun, we're looking at, in a best case scenario, 3 on 1 in close quarters. You can only slice up a Tapogre so much while his two brothers (clones?) are bashing you around with clubs. ZOOFIGHTS is hardly a simple numbers game, but I think the outcome has definitely shifted. Changing my vote from Manatee to Tapogres. I'd like to hear what Mr. Cutting has to say. And for that matter, are any of the contestants particularly American? I can't wait to get the Butcher on a patriotic rant about how every other nationality is inferior and contributing to the stagnation of ZOOFIGHTS.
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Apr 10, 2008 01:01
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Major Failure posted:
You've seen it on the street, Bill. A small band of savages can make quick work of even the stoutest warrior. It's an offensive game, and even as you carve one of 'em up, there's two, three, hell, maybe even five others already on you! They're going to use those numbers, it's all they've got.
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Apr 10, 2008 01:18
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Would you look at the size of that chainflipper? It's downright PIDDLEY! This Tapogres know how to barroom brawl, and brawling that will end this fight. Manatee has no periferal vision with that eyepatch, so all it takes is a few Taps to distract him while the other make short work of hsi legs, which, as has been pointed out, are suited for vaulting through the moon's lighter gravity! He's going to be one slow-moving target, and once his ammo is spent, that tiny chainflipper's hardly going to matter when he's on his back with at LEAST three healthy (if a bit drunk) Tapogres turning him into Manatee Porridge! It only took two Snowspeeders to take down an AT-AT at Hoth, people. One to distract, and one to get him off his legs. Even if the bait bites the bullet, it's a win for the Tapogres.
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Apr 10, 2008 01:59
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Number 7 I miss watching things unfold live, and now that I'm caught up I must say that's one sturdy brute, to off seven opponents with nary a scratch!
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Apr 10, 2008 23:11
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 Great Scott! Never in my years of research have I even dreamed of such monstrosity being braught to bear against my fellow humans! The implifications of this creature's existance opens doors that mere man was not meant to enter! A comprehensive study on pack animals, hive insects and socio-economics would show that mob of people kidnapped in the dark of night, paired up with an ill-tempered, confused, chained, giant badger would have very little hope of any sort of coordinated assault! Indeed, Marty--erm, fellow gentlemen, They would be hard pressed to even stand as a team, what with their feral ward's tendancies to turn on his captors! Surely, this will boil down to a simple slugfest between the two scientifically augmented contenders, and while an angry badger can prove most harmful to you or I, your common indian rhinocerous has skin much thicker than anything a badger owuld be likely to encounter in the wild! Coupled that with the badger's tendancy to make all sorts of spastic movements which give the tiger-fisted fellow a much better time of tracking it, their visual accuity being based on movement, the idea of every moving part of moving part of the Rhinocerous being made into a vicious weapon, be it horned, toothed or robotic, and I'd say you've got a close, but not inevitable outcome. My calculations point towards Edward GoddamnTigersonhisFuckingHands Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 01:10 on Apr 11, 2008 |
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Apr 11, 2008 01:07
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| # ¿ May 9, 2024 00:28 |
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Major Failure posted:Pretty much everything that happens comes directly from poster's mouths. Well if this is the case, then Edward's primary means of attack is DEFINITELY going to be punting humans with his piston legs. I mean he's got 'em, right? Put 'em to use! Also, a MAJOR point: If seven drunken HALF OGRES couldn't work together, what makes you sods think that two dozen people, and not all of them are even men, or even full grown for tht matter will be able to do anything but cower and whimper? I mean, I don't care if my owm mamma tells me that the ten foot badger is on my team, I'm still staying the hell away from it! Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at 01:40 on Apr 11, 2008 |
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Apr 11, 2008 01:35
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