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So Kevin's dad died when he was 22-23? How long has he been manifesting his pediophilia?
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Nov 12, 2008 19:51
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 04:45 |
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quote:CGM, Kathryn, Daphne and Andrea I love the way he signs his posts twice just in case nobody could work out whos post it is.
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Nov 12, 2008 20:11
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I think I just found Beetface's really old site from 2003... Internet Archive: Kevin's Haven Only one of the links on the 2003 cache works, but I think everything on the first 2004 cache does, including links to his doll stories and a page for his loving band. Beetface posted:Kevin Havens' Redux Machine was formed by Kevin Havens, Lead Vocalist; Jason Stratman, Background Vocals; Adam Ebel, Keyboards, Robert Berry, Guitar; and Will Havens, drums and percussion. We formed in June 2001 to fufill our mission: "To sing the song parodies that Weird Al Yankovic would never bother to sing." The term "Redux" and not "parody" was chosen because "redux" is a French term for "repeat" or "return." We never intended on infringing on trademarks, for instance, the diet drug "Redux." We here at KHRM feel that the word "redux" is a term in the general for, as we said, "repeat" or "return," never on the drug, however the R is capitalized. So, if you came on this page on accident looking for ways to sue the lowly bastards that made "Redux," you're in the wrong place. We are here to provide a new avenue to song parodies. Here's EnterNet, a lovely parody of Metallica's Enter Sandman: Kevin Haven's Aspie Machine posted:
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Nov 12, 2008 20:40
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^^^^^ loving GOLD, electrode! I had a feeling those would turn up eventually. Too bad no mp3s exist of Kevin's singing. That would be beyond incredible if someone could find that. Shintaro posted:So Kevin's dad died when he was 22-23? How long has he been manifesting his pediophilia? Hard to say. He probably was molesting his sister's Barbie dolls at a young age, but I don't think he got his first fuckdoll of any sort until he was 18 if I recall correctly. I think he mentioned getting some kind of inflateable back then. So yeah, his dad may have had 4 years in which to find out his eldest son was a dollfucker. Caligasti fucked around with this message at 01:43 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 12, 2008 22:04
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"Daddy, why have you forsaken me?"
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Nov 12, 2008 22:30
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Surfingelectrode posted:Here's EnterNet, a lovely parody of Metallica's Enter Sandman: I can't help but think of the song Microsoft made for Windows Vista SP1... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPv8PPl7ANU
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Nov 13, 2008 00:52
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pinn.net leads to http://www.atriustech.com/ which is based in Virginia Beach. Don't know if that was his old ISP or if he worked there.
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Nov 13, 2008 00:53
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TigerMoJo posted:Don't know if that was his old ISP or if he worked there. Spergin' Havens having a job? Unlikely. I find it most creepy that he found other guys his age in his town who adored the show Small Wonder and wanted to bone a prepubescent android as much as he did, enough to learn instruments and write songs about it.
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Nov 13, 2008 00:58
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Speaking of Small Wonder, I get a kick outta this from that old blog of his...1m 1337, U R N07! posted:Small Wonder Yahoo Board -- Considered the "Temporary" Vicki's Cabinet. The "real" Vicki's Cabinet will be up soon... as soon as James Vipond and James "V.I.C.I.'s Uncle" Greenridge get off their asses and realize that CGI or PHP is better than Miva for Web board construction, and you can find tons of online help or books online or at stores like Barnes & Noble or Borders on topics like CGI or PHP. (Hint: Instead of SurfBest.net, you asshats, try 1&1 Internet, the same people who host this site. You can get a ready-made CGI script for making a better Vicki's Cabinet.) (And I know a few other programs to craft Web boards. Two of them I know are phpBB and PHP-Nuke, both of which The Doll Forum uses. Makes a great, clean-looking Web board, and very little PHP programming knowledge is needed. {Well, that's what I heard from the Doll Forum admins, anyway.}) And wonder of wonders, Kevin's opus The Journey To Love has been found!!! The TJTL Project Presents... The Journey to Love completed stories on the World Wide Web! Holy gently caress! There's a downloadable PDF of it!! EPIC!!!  The Journey To Love Version 6.0 "Journey's Ride"A taste of things to come... The Distinguished Author, Sir Kevin Havens posted:One IT'S 100 PAGES LONG!!! And JESUS loving CHRIST HE MADE A REMAKE!!! AN HOMAGE TO MANNEQUIN!!! The Journey To Love Version 7.0 (Based entirely on the 1987 movie Mannequin—A “true” Mannequin Fan-Fiction)The first of 50 pages... "I'm an IRL Jonathan Switcher!" posted:Prologue He even included a revision history! Features and Changes in "The Journey To Love" The different versions are considerably different, too. I'm at a loss for words now, because I can't stop laughing. This is hilarious! Caligasti fucked around with this message at 02:34 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 13, 2008 02:27
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It was nice of him to include his nuthouse buddy.
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Nov 13, 2008 03:05
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I also think it's hilarious how almost all of his "band's" songs are just Squeeze songs with lyrics about loving the girl from Small Wonder (HIS OLD BLOWUP DOLL). The rest of them are either about computers or how much he hates the Beach House. And he did have a job at that time... "Employment Status: Currently employed at Walt's Transmission, doing auto detailing and basic shop duties. Loving it. I hope it will give me enough $$$ for Christmas! (But I'm staying with it, unlike the other jobs that I had... for about no more than four months, and no longer. Not this time around.)" "No, Really. If you passed away, say, tomorrow, what would you like for your epitaph? Live life to its fullest. Even though one day might seem like it's hell, but once you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you can see it's not so bad after all. Women might come and go, but it's your happiness (DOLLS) that never gives up." I found the site in his introductory post on the Doll Forum, which is here. Cal, do you have any of the blogs saved anywhere? I wanted to try to read some of them. EDIT: For those who are going to attempt the daunting task of reading that story, remember, this is Alexandra Tilbrook: 
Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 03:14 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 13, 2008 03:06
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Surfingelectrode posted:Cal, do you have any of the blogs saved anywhere? I wanted to try to read some of them. Sadly no, but their addresses could be looked up through links in Kaptain K's dollfucker thread, and plenty of quotes can be seen there and on the ED article, which I just updated. His Wordpress blog had been cached mainly on Google, but has since vanished just as his Mac.com one had, save for the Gigablast cache of his "Blab", which contains a good deal of the entries. I had tried searching with the Wayback Machine for the others before but to no avail.
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Nov 13, 2008 03:26
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The Dollfuckers really need to get together and form a band. And perhaps if Dave Hockey were to tape that, it might only be half as pitiful as his "movie" already is. Hey Hockey, even if Uwe Boll were to make a movie version of your life, it wouldn't suck as much as your dorkumentary.
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Nov 13, 2008 03:28
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Deacon Blues posted:It was nice of him to include his nuthouse buddy. I'm pretty sure that Jason Stratman wound up being considered his nemesis (aside from the Beach House entity). I think he teamed up with Kevin's brother to dispose of "Alexa". I'm not positive about that, but in some of his Wordpress blogs I recall him tearing into Jason in every other paragraph and calling him an evil hypocrite. It was brought up in the first thread here and there.
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Nov 13, 2008 03:35
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Beetface posted:Not only have I had to switch from buying three cartons of cigarettes at $45, or $15 a carton, to buying a bag of pipe tobacco at $10 (which lasts me all month) in order to have a little money to have in my pocket for things like, well, getting some “Geedunks” (snacks and sodas) to put in a “stash” in my footlocker, getting some things that I wanted really badly, like slices of pizza and sub sandwiches from the Food Mart near the corner of Border and Campostella, or something that I really wanted to get from GameStop, Kmart, Wal-Mart, or any store at MacArthur, Military Circle, or Greenbrier Malls; or save it up to get something needed (okay, a beer with Jason is not really needed, but I could use one sometimes.) That is honestly the most confusing and longest sentence I think I've ever seen. Are there any other good caching sites that might have "Alexa's Page - My Synth Lover's Page" cached on it? I'm thinking that if we could get to it that it would be the most hilarious and saddest thing ever. If y'all look a little bit on that site, there's some fun stuff to be found... e-mail addresses, IM usernames, etc... EDIT: I searched 'Jason Stratman Kevin Havens', and found caches of some of his Wordpress blogs!. The current version is just stuff in arabic. Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 03:51 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 13, 2008 03:47
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Surfingelectrode posted:Are there any other good caching sites that might have "Alexa's Page - My Synth Lover's Page" cached on it? I'm thinking that if we could get to it that it would be the most hilarious and saddest thing ever. Possibly. The doll's MySpace was sad enough, but I can't help wondering what this other one would entail. It's likely been gone from the main net for a while, so maybe it's in The Archives? Surfingelectrode posted:If y'all look a little bit on that site, there's some fun stuff to be found... e-mail addresses, IM usernames, etc... That's just like Kevin to provide way too much information. Seriously, read the Revision History for his TJTL. He drat near gives out his bank account number from then. The cache is just a summary page. The links don't work, and all of those blogs are in that Gigablast cache. The older ones may get into The Archives eventually. I'm still reading his ultimate  story. Is anybody else thinking this could make for one hell of an Awful Audiobook?EDIT: Holy poo poo. Page 6 of TJTL v6.0... he includes Jason's motherfucking e-mail address... Caligasti fucked around with this message at 17:50 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 13, 2008 17:44
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From his "Thanks" page for The Journey To Love:Beetface posted:These are all the people involved, either directly or indirectly, in the production of The Journey To Love Version 7.0: I think it's hilarious that he picked up German for a story about loving dolls from Rammstein. And here's Adam Ebel, who is a better friend that Jason Stratman:  He has, for some reason, four different myspace pages. quote:It took me almost six months and a lot of time just to write sixty-eight pages. Some were written in one night, while some, including the first chapter, was written in about a month. One part was written while I was watching the Super Bowl with the Ravens and the Giants. Just to get the winner on "Alexa's" Super Bowl shirt, I had to sit there carefully watching the game just to see who was going to win the game. Of course, I could have just guessed it, but to make it seem good, I waited to see who was going to win Super Bowl 35. Classy. Edit: Caligasti posted:Is anybody else thinking this could make for one hell of an Awful Audiobook? I was thinking that covers of his 'reduxes' would be way better.
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Nov 13, 2008 17:50
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^^^^^ Wait, what?! Adam "slammed" "Alexa"? He got to gently caress Kevin's doll?! Am I reading that right? Link, please. I must see this myself if that's the case. Surfingelectrode posted:I was thinking that covers of his 'reduxes' would be way better. Why not both? Hell, a whole 'nother thread could be dedcated to that madness.
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Nov 13, 2008 18:02
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Caligasti posted:^^^^^ Huh? Here's the myspace search and here's the thank you page. Edit: Going through this story, what the gently caress is up with Kevin's obsession with eating (specifically lunch)? I swear that on every page he mentions it at least once. Seriously, he eats a gigantic breakfast, goes outside to smoke a cigarette, then goes back inside after that to eat a gigantic lunch, then stops at a gas station to get a huge bag of chips and a 2-liter of soda, and then they go to the library for a while. After that they buy two boxes of White Castles, 2 bags of pork rinds, two 2-liters, etc... It's loving disgusting. Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 18:12 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 13, 2008 18:06
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Surfingelectrode posted:Huh? I've read both threads thoroughly and I don't think I've posted in either before... with the slamming, i think he meant verbally? from the context? but I have to wonder... what does he do at the library? Did he mention that? Libraries are such an epicenter for crazy, I wonder what all the employees think about him. I bet he makes the employees talk to him about his doll and his mannequin.. they always do. never want to keep the crazy quiet.
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Nov 13, 2008 18:21
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queenfrostine posted:I've read both threads thoroughly and I don't think I've posted in either before... He and his buddy use the computers to download ROMs and MIDIs. Someone should make a Midnight Cowboy-ish amateur film out of this. It'd be hilarious. Edit: Beetface posted:We did arrive at the College Park Food Lion after all. We got two, count ‘em, two, twelve-pack bottles of our favorite beers. I got Red Hook I.P.A., Jason got Guinness Extra Stout, and to wash it down, we split the cost of a twelve-pack bottles of Budweiser, for weakness and to mask the bitterness of our “good poo poo.” We got plenty of chips, potato and tortilla, two bags of pretzel pieces, honey mustard & onion for Jason, buttermilk ranch for myself. We got three boxes apiece of White Castle cheeseburgers, Totinos That's for one night in a hotel room. Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 18:35 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 13, 2008 18:30
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Surfingelectrode posted:He and his buddy use the computers to download ROMs and MIDIs. ugh. of course he does. probably fucks up the computers too. it's people like him who make my job suck. Kevin posted:We also got plastic cutlery and foam plates to eat off of because there was no way that I was going to eat solely with my hands. well, certainly, it would just be rude otherwise! and disgusting, i mean, what could be more gross than eating with your hands? he just has to mention every drat thing, huh?
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Nov 13, 2008 19:00
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Surfingelectrode posted:
Is he an Average body type or Athletic? He uses both here. Or is he fat? Or does he gently caress dolls?
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Nov 13, 2008 19:10
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From Spergburger's story v6...
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Nov 13, 2008 19:14
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"drat YOU ALL!" posted:
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Seriously..."Smoke breeeeeaaaakk!" posted:We were eating and talking for forty-five minutes, bullshitting around and keeping in secret about this “thing” that was coming up, because Bonnie was in the dining room feeding the wheelchair-bound residents and if even one peep came up about us going to, say, a hotel to get drunk, “screw around” with some mannequins and watch endless TV, among stuffing our faces, say hello to a thirty-day notice for me and Jason told to go home and him getting a thirty-day notice at his home. But, as a matter of fact, it wouldn't faze him that much. He's been wanting to get out of there anyway, no matter what it takes. This is the greatest thing ever. I'm only just starting into chapter 2.
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Nov 13, 2008 19:35
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It can only get better..."I gotta shoot some torpedos!" posted:We arrived at the main entrance at 12:40, dashed right to the food court to the McDonald's, and I ordered a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, Super-Sized with a Coke and two apple pies. Jason ordered the same. We downed lunch and found out that we had twenty minutes before we had to meet Jeff behind the McDonald’s, where the ATM was. I had my apple pies and my soda, freshly topped off with another round of Coke, and made a stop off at the EB. We only spent five minutes in there, and another five minutes in GameStop looking at the PlayStation and PC (no Mac) games. I knew that we had five minutes to get the gently caress out of GameStop and back on the upper level and where we needed to be, but Jason kept on saying “Hold on, yo,” while looking at some PlayStation game. I insisted on that we needed to go now to get ready for the big day. All of the internet must read this.
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Nov 13, 2008 19:43
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Nemesis Of Moles presents...
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Nov 13, 2008 19:45
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Caligasti posted:Seriously... Chapter Three is just as funny, "At The Hotel... Time For A Paaaaaarrrrrrttttyyyyy!". The hilarious thing is that you can tell that he's not making a lot of this up (other than the mannequin stuff). It's disgusting... It really does remind me of a Midnight Cowboy-esque thing. Beetface posted:
 Edit: Caligasti posted:That's just like Kevin to provide way too much information. Seriously, read the Revision History for his TJTL. He drat near gives out his bank account number from then. He actually does mention his phone number in the story, along with his doll's. Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 13, 2008 19:47
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Hockey and Williams, I plead with you, please for all that is good in this world give the Goonobyl account to Kevin Havens. This must be done.
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Nov 13, 2008 19:52
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Surfingelectrode posted:Chapter Three is just as funny, "At The Hotel... Time For A Paaaaaarrrrrrttttyyyyy!". So let me get this straight...he awkwardly starts having sex with this woman then says some German phrase and then gives her some kind of lesson about what that means in German in the middle of sex. Then they just get tired and stop. Then, he suddenly realizes he forgot a condom but she magically knows that she isn't ovulating and when she ovulates even though humans have concealed ovulation.
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Nov 13, 2008 20:02
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TigerMoJo posted:So let me get this straight...he awkwardly starts having sex with this woman then says some German phrase and then gives her some kind of lesson about what that means in German in the middle of sex. Then they just get tired and stop. Then, he suddenly realizes he forgot a condom but she magically knows that she isn't ovulating and when she ovulates even though humans have concealed ovulation. It's not a real woman... it's a mannequin come to life! The scary thing about this story is how close it parallels what actually happened to him later on... he's living off of his 'girlfriend', and using all of her money to buy cigarettes and junk food. This story isn't making smoking look cool anymore  The noted auteur, Kevin Havens posted:I then look again at the stuff all over the lawn and note Jason’s radio lying on top of one of his CD’s, but the CD appears to be busted. I then notice that it happens to be his Diablo II play disc, something he needs to play the game. “Yo,” I yell to him. Jason, who is pissed off beyond pissed off, yells “WHAT?!?!” “I hate to tell you this,” I stated, “but your Diablo II play disc is destroyed.” He then yells “gently caress!!!!”
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Nov 13, 2008 20:07
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I feel ashamed to bear this name, knowing that this dollfucker is parading around with it as his moniker. gently caress! *edit* Not dave.
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Nov 13, 2008 20:16
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Oh god....Literary genius, Kevin Havens posted:About three days later, I wanted to check up on a old friend of mine, Luz Cardenas, of D’signers Boutique, the dressmaker’s shop where Alexa’s mother came from, to see how she was doing. She (Luz) knew I had “feelings” for that mannequin, which was formerly in her store window, but became disappointed when I found her “missing,” only to my surprise that she “miraculously” came to life for me and Alexa to have a "mother figure" for Alexa. I warned to Alexa that may not be a good idea, because Luz knew that I had feelings for that mannequin. Kevin and his doll get married, and the marriage is broadcast live on some TV show on TLC. I'm not even kidding. Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 20:34 on Nov 13, 2008 |
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Nov 13, 2008 20:32
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Nemesis Of Moles posted:Nemesis Of Moles presents... I'm numb now... On top of that I've reached about page 50 in TJTL v6.0 and I estimate that at least half of this story revolves around eating and smoking. I can't imagine any human being living like that for very long without major organs failing.
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Nov 13, 2008 21:58
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Jesus, he keeps naming employees at Coastal Clubhouse and Beach House. I wonder what they'd make of all this?
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Nov 13, 2008 22:07
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Holy crap. Just loving ... pp. 59-60 in TJTL v6.0... "Oh no! I may have to get a JOB!" posted:A week later, we all got letters in the mail from Social Security that our SSI checks are now going to be at the “couple” amount and not the “individual” amounts. I still will be getting my father’s death benefits, but that would be counted toward the total income of mine and Alexa’s income. But, it still meant more money. So his real life has in some way turned out better than the fantasy?! Well, "cushier" so to speak?!
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Nov 13, 2008 22:47
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 And the Saga continues... They somehow get WORSE as time goes on. The way the words are put together are just...god it makes my brain skip while I read it. I may have messed up once or twice but for the most part, thats actually how he wrote it.
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Nov 13, 2008 22:51
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Nemesis Of Moles posted:They somehow get WORSE as time goes on. The way the words are put together are just...god it makes my brain skip while I read it. I may have messed up once or twice but for the most part, thats actually how he wrote it. Just treat them as spastic, uneven run-on sentences. Not that that would make it any easier.
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Nov 13, 2008 22:58
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Caligasti posted:Jesus, he keeps naming employees at Coastal Clubhouse and Beach House. I wonder what they'd make of all this? Probably nothing as I'm sure both institutions have plenty of experience in dealing with nutballs. I also at first thought that he spends an inordinate ammount of time and concern on food. Then I remembered that people that have nothing to keep them busy in their lives fixate on what we would all consider trivial details such as what they eat. Usually this sort of behavior is noticed in elderly people. I guess Beetface is writing out the food details because that's about the most exciting thing that happened on that day. And no, Jimmy. You can't turn this around on us because the dollfucking is highly unusual and is not trivial like eating a common or mundane meal. Thought I'd do you a favor and head that one off at the pass before you made another total rear end of yourself. See what a nice guy I am?
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Nov 13, 2008 23:23
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Kevin Havens, Literary Maverick posted:Usually, since her doctor told her that driving in the last few months (as I see of this, it's the month So dollfucking is a mental condition.
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Nov 13, 2008 23:54
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