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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > So I ordered a "flesh light" and now my parents/neighbors think I'm a perv.
hellbastard
Apr 4, 2006

 Everybody did the wrong thing in this story.

'Mom' should have pretended she never saw it and made an effort to make it look like it had never ben opened.
Neighbour should have never broken the law by opening it, but if he did and found out what it was Also should havve made the effort to make it look like he'd never found out.

'Nick' (or does it say Wick) SHould have pretended not to see it until his mom got home and said: "Wait? What?!?... These aren't the Sea Monkeys I ordered. These aren't Sea Monkeys at all!"



EDIT: Also... Your neighbour has so hosed the poo poo out of it.

hellbastard fucked around with this message at 05:09 on Jul 25, 2008

* # ¿ Jul 25, 2008 05:07
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hellbastard
Apr 4, 2006

kingtrav1 posted:

I wish this was real. In the middle of typing up my reply on what he should do, I realized there are just too many holes. Nice fake post, though, managed to get an avatar out of it.

You're a fakepost.

AS per

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2905051&pagenumber=7


hellbastard posted:

...every time someone posts something here someone has to say its fake no matter what it is.

Goon1: Here's footage of a man crossing a street.
Goon2: Pfff... That's fake
Goon3: I don't know man, that looks pretty real to me
Goon4: fake!
Goon5: What?
Goon6: quote Goon2, you're fake
Goon7: FAKE FAKE FAKE
Goon8: I've seen people cross streets before, THis could actually be real. But if it's not I wouldn't be suprised
Goon9: Fake!

(I'm usually Goon6)

hellbastard fucked around with this message at 05:25 on Jul 25, 2008

* # ¿ Jul 25, 2008 05:23
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hellbastard
Apr 4, 2006

Acid Tester posted:

Your examples are fake.

Your mom is fake!

* # ¿ Jul 25, 2008 06:25
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hellbastard
Apr 4, 2006

TommyFilth posted:

I used to work at a grocery store, when I was 17, and this woman would come through my line three times a week with her kid, and she would talk to him in this sickly-sweet condescending kind of voice. It was absolutely hideous, like dragging a thumbtack across the scrotum of your soul, and it brought out murderous feelings in me.

And she called me Thomas. Because that's what my name badge said. I told her, "I like being called Tom." And she laughed and turned to her son, saying something like, "But we remember you better as Thomas because we like Thomas the Train Engine!" My skin became ashen, and one of my coworkers said something about me not looking so good, but it was too echo-y for me to know who said it, and then I was laying on the floor fifteen feet away and there's blood all over my hands and my shirt.

I don't wanna talk about this anymore.

You were right to be angry...

It's Thomas the TANK Engine.

* # ¿ Jul 30, 2008 07:17
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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > So I ordered a "flesh light" and now my parents/neighbors think I'm a perv.