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Thanks to replicator anomalies, the sewage system onboard is currently inoperative and we are being forced to use alternate methods. The problem is compounded by said anomalies causing quite spectacular quantities of waste being generated from food created in the malfunctioning replicators. We've run a level 2 diagnostic, but it has found no adhesion dampening. I've sent a team to repair the auto dissipation beam, in the hopes that the emergency bio hatch will reset. If this doesn't work, I intend to set a course for Flatulon IV in the hopes the transporters will be able to deposit the horror that has engulfed decks 26 up to 11.
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Sep 17, 2008 21:00
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| # ¿ Apr 19, 2024 11:58 |
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Captain's log, Stardate 90210.2 Apparently the waste created by consuming replicated food also causes an inverse tachyon field when whale semen is created with the replicators. [REDACTED] Thus, I have ordered our Chief Engineer to accompany our Chief Maintenance Engineer and several cadets to the surface of Flatulon IV in an attempt to jury rig some sort of phased plasma containment field. [REDACTED] Captain's Log supplemental: Due to a transporter malfunction, anything beamed back to the Enterprise is broken down into it's constituent elements, therefore we are unable to retrieve the away team. Conditions on the surface continue to degrade, and the atmosphere is already 89% methane. I've advised the away team not to heat rocks with phasers while we work on the problem.
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Sep 17, 2008 23:39
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Captain's log, Stardate...uh, it's around here someplace...yeah, ok, stardate 90210.5 The transporter chief has gone insane and is recording his logs in the voice of T.J. Hooker. I can't say this comes as any surprise, given what he's trying to transport out of the lower decks. Supplemental: It appears he's even forgotten that the space hippies were beamed into space to make room for the...fertilizer. I guess he managed to get some shrooms off them somehow before he beamed them off the ship.
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Sep 18, 2008 00:40
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Captain's log, stardate 90210.7 For Pluto's sake, our transporter chief doesn't even know what planet we're orbiting. That explains why half my security team is currently "chilling" around the fourth moon. These drat kids today don't even know how to steer. They think "standard orbit" is a space rock band. As soon as we get done with boldly going on Flatulon IV, we've been ordered to the Troi Expanse, the largest spread in the galaxy, for some much needed shore leave.
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Sep 18, 2008 01:18
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DocFrance posted:Security Chief's Log, Stardate Unknown  ALL HANDS ABANDON SHIP REPEAT ALL HANDS...Captain's log, Stardate 90210.1 Thanks to replicator anomalies, the sewage system onboard is currently...
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Sep 18, 2008 11:06
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Captain's log, Stardate...uh, a little after the last one. Something tells me beaming all this klingon genitalia to a klingon ship wouldn't be nearly as funny as it was with tribbles. Then again, maybe it would. But the point is moot since I can't find the transporter chief. He's probably replicated some space weed.
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Sep 18, 2008 13:44
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Captain's log, Stardate 90210.12 This incident with the replicators and Flatulon IV has the entire crew on edge, and we are in dire need of some serious R&R, but starfleet has ordered us to Eroticon VI to put down an uprising of nubile virgins, so we must put off...in...er, wait a second.  Nevermind.
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Sep 18, 2008 14:30
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Captain's log, stardate 90210.455 Apparently the environmental system is on the fritz, as the entire ship has become fog-bound, and most crew members are coughing constantly, frequently collapsing while in line for one of the few replicators that have been reconfigured with the new pattern buffers. I've asked the helmsman to set a course for the furthest deep space station in hopes they have cheeseburgers.
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Sep 18, 2008 18:11
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Captain's Log, Stardate 90211.4 We're holding position in the Argyle system. There are no other vessels in the vicinity. The sensors have detected an escape pod, but it's too far outside transporter range. And all my loving ensigns are stoned. 
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Sep 18, 2008 23:49
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Captain's log, supplemental: I regret the need to enter into the log the deaths of 47 security officers, nearly the ship's entire complement. A personal best.  I mean, 
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Sep 19, 2008 00:21
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Captain's personal log, Stardate your momma: I was all set to have a great day, but dammit, wouldn't you know it, I didn't have a single clean uniform.
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Sep 19, 2008 12:36
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Captain's log, stardate 90210.18 I've set a course for the Laundromada system, near the Romulan neutral zone. I hope to catch up on some reading and music, as well as enjoy a fine cigar or two. Hopefully the romulans won't try anything funny.
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Sep 19, 2008 14:52
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Captain's log, stardate 90211.2: In an effort to deal with these vulcan sex ninjas, I've set a course for Cialis IV.
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Sep 20, 2008 13:51
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Captain's log, stardate...umm...September 22. Point 5. We've been ordered into Starbase 420 for emergency repairs. Those vulcan sex ninjas really took their toll, and the crew is looking forward to some serious R&R. I'm going to see about getting one of those gently caress off big phaser cannons installed too, and maybe some rims. I really want to pimp this ship out. I'm considering promoting the transporter chief, he's been doing some good work recently.
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Sep 22, 2008 20:07
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Captain's log, stardate Wed Our resupply at Starbase 420 is incomplete, and yet starfleet has ordered us to the neutral zone! And to top it all off, they didn't even tell me which neutral zone! Am I supposed to guess? # Saudi-Iraqi neutral zone, area of 7,044 kmē on the border between Saudi Arabia and Iraq # Saudi-Kuwaiti neutral zone, area of 5,770 kmē between the borders of Saudi Arabia and Kuwait left undefined I'm going to go with those two, since they're really close to each other, and they're on Earth.
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Sep 24, 2008 11:06
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