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Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


Dark Wombat posted:

There was an epic freakshow of a callout thread in Helldump that got goldmined (I think) that involved some weird English kid who thought he was a gay necrophiliac Yoshi or some drat thing. There's somebody I know who thinks he has seen the worst that is out there, and I want to show him that the rabbit hole really never does stop going down.

Oh, God, Djynn Flyssa.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2552216

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Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


some Word document on my laptop posted:

Now, I don't know how many of you dogs of the scurviest sea read comics, but I do a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the DC universe are. Look at Superman. This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say, "Your taste in wine is atrocious". He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost breath from his mouth and red son radiation from his rear end. He's that sort of crazy dude. All because he absorbs solar radiation.

Look at Batman. His power? The anti-power. Sure, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead he's the hottest poo poo to ever poo poo on a plate. You got a power? He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. Ten thousand volts of “gently caress you”, Batman. That's Batman.

But the loving Flash, my God, my loving GOD, this man has the greatest powers of all. If Superman's powers are being sucked off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two friends she wants you to 'get in on' then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft billing. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that loving hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone else's job.

Ok first off, he can travel at light-speed. Mother gently caress! Not only does he travel at light-speed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's loving fast. But wait! The ability to move at light-speed just isn't loving enough!

I know! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere else. You think you're about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there's more!

The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you cannot move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at light-speed would run into poo poo but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, fucker) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be "okay" afterwards or loving EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transferring kinetic energy into you. Like Jesus. It's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Jesus? Just give it up. He's the loving Flash.

Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it's going at light-speed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.

But wait! There's more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED =/= REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and poo poo he's going to lose and gently caress how is Superman THIS loving strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COMMAND.

How do you beat this dude? You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beat-down, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! gently caress you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet loving Russia! RUS-SIA! Bitch.

Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isn't fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the sack. Who the Hell is this guy? You'd think he could AT LEAST be a premature ejaculator since his penis is moving at light-speed but NOOOO he's even good in bed.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks cock and should go die in a freak grease fire.

Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


apples posted:

Anyone got a link to the thread(s) on SA about a goon finding some girls diary in the draw of some second hand furniture and proceeded to post the entries on SA? The entries were hilariously entertaining ramblings of a girl who could barley string a sentence together?

I think it had the quote something a long the lines

“Dear diary, today he put it in my booty”

Laura?

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1275196

Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


Riptor posted:

A long time ago I saw a single comic someone drew where two friends communicated only in Simpsons quotes, to the extent that when one of them was in the hospital with cancer, quoting the show was the only way they knew how to talk to each other. Anyone?

The comic is called "Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead". Unfortunately, the site it was originally hosted on seems to be down, although it's mirrored here.

http://dawolfey.wordpress.com/2011/05/13/dont-cry-for-me-im-already-dead-by-rebecca-sugar/

Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


Street Soldier posted:

I'm not sure if this is the right thread for it but here goes, a friend of a friend of mine is looking for a certain TV show, the message sent to me was "I need to find a comedy tv show, that went off the air in 2000, matt groening, steven spielberg and neil patrick harris love it, its been referenced on the simpsons and futurama and its about to be re-released on dvd sometime soon and starts with the letter S."

Don't ask me how this guy knows so much about a show without actually knowing what the drat show is but hey, there it is, my friend and friend of friend and I would appreciate any help GBS has to offer regarding this elusive show.

Sports Night?

Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


CaptainJuan posted:

There was this youtube video that I think i saw on 4chan several years ago featuring this girl with a rather wacky haircut giving her friend a tour of her apartment via skype or something. Scattered around the apartment were signs that said "happy birthday rachel" because the friend's name was rachel and it was her birthday! I laughed my rear end off for some reason and I haven't been able to find the video since. Any suggestions, goons?

I can't find the video, but it was originally posted on AYB by a goon named sara's roommate.

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Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


falconry posted:

Anybody have the video of a guy performing stream-ception on justin.tv? I don't think it's too old, but old enough that it's in 360p. Basically a guy views his own stream while streaming and realizes his mistake not before yelping and wondering aloud to the stream that infinitely replicates and echoes everything he is saying. He finally ends the madness by muting the stream sound.

It was pretty funny and popular enough, I think, that it shouldn't be too hard for you guys to find. I just can't find the correct search query and it's wracking my brain trying to find it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et_MmlTxMXA

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