A ticket came in...

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > A ticket came in...

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

I work in a helldesk(but has a lot of other features) mostly due to the fact they pay for my college and then some. But seriously the top things that piss me off is
:geno:

= me

= any coworker

Basic virus issue goes like this
:v:

I have to reformat the clients machine due to the fact that I used malwarebytes and it didn't fix it!
:geno:

let me take a look
-- sees definitions are from 2009, SUPER COOL PC FIXER not taken out of /startup, proxy server redirecting to a autodownloader, msconfig not touched---
:geno:

did you update the malwarebytes? or even the A/V,
:v:

Yes I clicked update once and it didn't work so the virus killed it!

Troubleshooting DNS names
:v:

Hey I can't connect to pc1, via remote desktop!
:geno:

try typing in the IP
:v:

Okay it worked after the second time, any idea's why?
:geno:

--I do an nslookup on the pc's IP the name is right, I hit the nslookup again it has a different name with the IP-- we have 2 Primary DNS servers giving out names and not replicating!
:v:

is that bad?

I loved this one
:v:

and after WDS images the machine with our image we boot up and install the software and create the accounts!
:geno:

Wait, you know you can do this automatically right? we just need a unattend file and to capture the image with imageX
:v:

Yeah but this way is better cause we can verify each machine is correct!
--1/2 the machines are missing the software they need for our clients--
:geno:

other rant
I am pretty much recreating the lifeblood of my company by myself. My boss asked some people who are suppose to be the ones working on the site and the databases said it would take months to do and at least raises of >60K. I took this as a way to try and move out of helldesk and I did it in one week! I presented it to my boss he thinks it is great and then when I send him an email stating I would like to be the Virtualization/Linux Engineer for the life of this project, since I know the most in the whole IT department about those subjects (seriously we have a 20 slide PPT about installing ubuntu and still no one can install Ubuntu), I get a "Thank you for your concern". The kicker is he is talking to a bunch of ECPI students who have NO idea what they are doing... :suicide:

# ¿ Apr 19, 2011 00:10

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 04:05

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Stonefish posted:

I like this coworker. Viruses are the one time a zero tolerable policy is completely acceptable. Scorched Earth.

I wouldn't mind it if they actually troubleshooted something first malwarebytes with a definition from 2009 will not remove most things on clients computers

# ¿ Apr 19, 2011 02:10

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

brc64 posted:

Good: We are finally starting to build out servers with vmware.
Bad: We don't know what we are doing, and ordered a server with an internal RD1000 that we basically can't use (it's SATA, and I guess vmware wants SCSI).

Hooray!

ESX/ESXi usually doesn't care, are you using 4.1?

# ¿ Apr 20, 2011 00:35

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

foghorn posted:

Scortched earth is the only real option these days. Give the user a fresh drive, recover what you can, and after doing some forensics to figure out what's up subject the drive to some API armor piercing incendiary treatment. Quicker resolution and 100% guaranteed clean.

I would agree, but we don't have a staff image to re image the machine, but we have to install windows + the apps + add it to the domain + add the scripts to map the drive +

yeah it isn't as stream line as you think...

# ¿ Apr 20, 2011 00:44

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Telex posted:

Clonezilla. Learn it, love it. It's free and you can keep an image on a USB drive and have a machine up and running in 10 minutes. All that's left is binding the machine and installing anything you can't pre-build into an image and you're out the door.

The downside is you have to make an image for every specific machine build you want, but again this is why it's super nice to have at least some standards for machines and hopefully only have 2-3 different model of laptop/desktop lying around.

We have a fully functional WDS, the staff image I made is up and running yet no one other than me it seems knows how to change the unattend file from client to staff to do all the nice things we need! It annoys the piss out of me!

# ¿ Apr 20, 2011 05:30

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Naramyth posted:

Sounds like you should spend some time building an imaging system.

Being lazy is a virtue. Do work now so you don't have to work later.

I built a WDS but other people seem not to understand how to boot from PXE or change Staff_unattend.xml to Client_unattend.xml

# ¿ Apr 20, 2011 18:19

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Moey posted:

Apparently hanging dry erase boards is an IT related task.

At my job we had to do all the heavy lifting from one building to the next, overtime was never paid to us and some people put in 60hrs for 2 or 3 weeks. I mean they got "off days" aka they don't have to come in and still get paid, but I think that is illegal too

# ¿ Apr 28, 2011 23:07

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Farking Bastage posted:

aaah flexing out overtime. My last employer did that to us.

That doesn't piss me off as much as sending very sensitive data via http, and having little to no security

# ¿ Apr 28, 2011 23:12

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

enotnert posted:

Any of you chucklefucks have any clue on how to do a search through email on outlook,thunderbird, anything really. . . where I can say "show me all email sent/rcvd on a weekend, on these dates, or between the hours of 5pm and 8am"?

I don't feel like spending the next three days doing this manually.

You can do this by putting something like this in the search field
received:(7/28/2008 .. 8/1/2008) sent:(7/28/2008 .. 8/1/2008)

You should see all emails sent and received in that week.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2011 23:35

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

I found we have 2 DC's that aren't replicating or updating eachother properly, it is the cause we have random outages. After running some wireshark tests I see a load of ARP requests (300+ in 1 minute) and 2 protocols I haven't seen in a long time, yup IPX and Netbios, one of our DC's is sending out netbios IPX commands that is flooding our network... I seriously need to just make a new DC for these people...

# ¿ May 3, 2011 00:17

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

mith posted:

You guys have me scared.

Are all uni IT positions really that bad? Please tell me it's just the help desk jockies because they're probably going to make an offer and I have to take it thanks to wonderful unemployment laws.

Not all, but a lot usually want you to help out on student issues(unless you are really high in rank) at the beginning and end of a semester, the rest of the year is your IT work.

# ¿ May 4, 2011 00:24

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

enotnert posted:

Yes. . . Yes. . . and Yes. . .

But take it anyways, get your 6 months in, then basically stop giving a gently caress. Do not under any circumstance allow yourself to give a gently caress, or think your end users are good people.

While many of them may be, and will want to make your life as easy as possible, the ones that aren't will make you want to drink to excess, end up in the hospital, and ask for a shot after they pump your stomach and flood your system with activated charcoal.

I don't think it as bad as a lot of people are saying in this thread, the only time you really notice any of the dumbshit students is at the beginning or end of a semester. Of course it depends where you work I guess, I worked at a CC and the student body wasn't terribly dumb, now I work at a business school and some of them are completely reliant on the helpdesk to do anything, and my room mate who works at ODU has to deal with student issues even as a Consultant but the questions aren't too outrageous.

I think it is mostly the fact that people who post here are blowing off steam about the trouble users and make it sound worse than it really is. I mean every business has its trouble users.

# ¿ May 4, 2011 00:35

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

TheGopher posted:

I don't know about you, but some days my job is so unbearable and there is literally no way to describe it that actually encompasses how terrible it is. I don't work in academia, however, but I can see how these seemingly melodramatic posts are a little over the top, but are ultimately trying to describe the indescribable.

For me, it's poo poo like looking at the door and seeing the loving stupid loving lock on the door that was broken 6 months ago, and is still loving broken, even though at one point there was a working door knob that we had to take out because my boss didn't like it. ("NO KEYS!!!!!")

I can't bring that poo poo up every time I tell a story about my job, because it just sounds like whiny E/N bullshit, but it still pisses me off because it represents so much more than just a broken lock. There are a million other things like this, and while every job has these little things, not all jobs were made equal, and when your job really sucks, those little things you can brush aside tend to stand out more.

No I understand I work in a business college, we have users (atleast 5 a "module") call up stating that we didn't ship them internet with their computer, or they can't log into yahoo/facebook/myspace and we need to reset their password, and the best one I got when I had to help a student re install windows over the phone didn't know the difference between the word utilities and documentation, I had to spell it out for him several yes SEVERAL times.

I mean I can go on about some of the stupid poo poo at my job if you want, I mean we still use netbios and IPX + TCP/IP on the network we have 300+ ARP requests a minute, or the ceiling is leaking and molds every time it rains or the key cards don't work when it rains, or having to do all the buildings moving of furniture, and office supplies, but hell it beats working in retail....

# ¿ May 4, 2011 00:53

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

1:22 PM Customer: I lost phone contact with you file is still recieving
1:22 PM Corvettefisher: it is okay I am going to finish the install of office
1:23 PM Customer: okay dotty yo br duvhs psin but got sddignmrntd to turn in

Here is my remote support ticket, I stopped talking after that

# ¿ May 11, 2011 18:30

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Well I finally got my companies life blood up, made myself admin and set my profile up

I was told I need to change a few things, but I "lost" those emails

# ¿ May 12, 2011 20:55

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

edit i'll fix it tomorrow

# ¿ May 12, 2011 20:57

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

11:51 AM corvettefisher: can you try to get back to that part where it said server busy connection
12:00 PM Customer: send
12:00 PM corvettefisher: Umm okay, can you try using the program and see if it works for you
12:06 PM Customer: n
12:06 PM corvettefisher: uhh
12:08 PM Customer: ceys n0t w0rc

oh boy...

# ¿ May 16, 2011 17:23

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Baggins posted:

If any two discs in a RAID 5 fail, the whole array becomes unrecoverable.

Mathematically speaking, each disc on it's own has a mean time between failures (MTBF) of about three years. A volume spanning two discs halves that, three discs halves it again and so forth.

Basically, an array like that is doomed from the get-go. It's only a matter of time.

Which is why you always have a hot spare

# ¿ May 16, 2011 21:15

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Biowarfare posted:

What's this? You guys run RAID? Rich, spoiled people.

I bet you even use enterprise drives instead of WD Greens.

"can I see your backups?"

:downs:

"here is our raid NAS!"

:negative:

# ¿ May 16, 2011 21:48

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Farking Bastage posted:

Good news and bad news time.

Good news: We got some new Optiplex 790's. They are pretty bad rear end.
Bad news: The fuckers have a new network card and I have to re-do my preboot image.

ah good to know we are upgrading from the 780's to the 790's in a month or so

# ¿ May 16, 2011 23:45

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Just after clocking in I get these gems
One about outlook on a phone, we have webmail up and working, she is also taking a laptop with her.
:mad:

My plane leaves in an hour and how else will I be able to check my mail when I am out for 2 days!
:v:

We have webmail you can log into
:mad:

I can't remember that address! Do it on my phone!

Got this at 11:45
_______________________________
Equipment Needed:
- Laptop, How many Laptops?: 1
- ,
- ,
Name of software needed?:
Training Requested: No,
Setup Requested: Yes,
Where will the equipment be used?: Lake Room

Date Requested: 05/23/2011
Time Requested: 12

Date To Be Returned: 05/23/2011
Time To Be Returned: idk
________________________________________

Gave her the laptop, story follows
:v:

= me

= lady

OKay the user name is XXX and the password is password

Ok I just need this now I have a very important meeting to attend to!
-5 minutes after 12-

Hey I can't log in with username/password
:v:

Okay to confirm the username is XXX the password is password

Can you just come down here it isn't like you all do anything anyways!
:v:

(at this I got ticked)
Walk down there type in XXX/Password, it logs in, go back upstairs
-5minutes later-

Hey, video X won't load
:v:

Are you using the wireless or the wired connection

I don't know, just fix it for me!

looks like it is going to be a thirsty Monday.

# ¿ May 23, 2011 22:32

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

enotnert posted:

For people who thought I was joking about my job responsibilities. . . they posted for my replacement. . . for 40k. . .

Sounds like what I do, hell I recreated the Learning Management System, Domain from 2003 to 2008r2(scorched earth method), currently setting up Lync/Sharepoint/Exchange; and i make under 30k/yr :smith:

Though it is my first job and I am only 20

# ¿ Jun 9, 2011 04:20

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

enotnert posted:

run, run far far away fah fah away from here

I would if people would actually believe I do this, most HR's look at it and think I am bullshitting when my age is brought up, and no college degree....

# ¿ Jun 9, 2011 05:11

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

4:30 ticket on a Friday :woot:
word for word
:v:

= Web Devs

= Coordinator
:what:

= me

Two questions for you guys.
1. Is person X email ready?
2. Can we have powerpoint 2003 installed on our machines?

Do they not have pp already?
:v:

We have �07 but it doesn�t export the files that we need properly.

If we install 03 over 07 there will be issues and conflictions. This is why VIP has 2 computers.

Any of my people want to jump in? Am I wrong?

:what:

You can only UPgrade 2007 => 2010, or 2003 => 2007, not downgrade, just save it as a ppt 97 - 2003.

# ¿ Jun 24, 2011 22:52

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

dvgrhl posted:

We installed Office 2007 side by side with 2003 without any issues, for people who wanted the safety blanket during the transition. And we're doing the same for 2007 to 2010 for some people.

first time I have heard of that working, my solution was to set up Vbox and set it to seamless mode , for someone who likes 2003 but needs 2007

# ¿ Jun 25, 2011 05:00

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

word for word

quote:

client has called up 3 times asking why she is logged in as amy winters

Explained to client that it was a video about what to expect in the system

Client said that it was not a video amy winters has taken over

Attempting to get client on remote support

Client turned off her computer

walked client through rebooting

Remoted in sure enough it was the video

Should client how to use and listen to the video

Client said that after a minute or 2 the video would stop

informed client this was due to the fact the video was over

Client needed help clicking on each video and understanding why amy winters was logged in at each video

Informed client again that it was a video and that she was only suppose to listen and look at the slide show

Client asked why none of the links on the video was working

Informed client that it was a video/slideshow and only pictures to represent what enviroment she will be working in

Client could not figure out hot to close the video

Client was hitting the X in the video not actually the EXIT button clearly labeled beside it

client will call back when she needs help again

//corvettefisher

I have high hopes about this client! I love being basically a systems engineer/Admin and taking teir 1 calls!

# ¿ Jul 12, 2011 23:38

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Factory Factory posted:

Has that client ever had an abstract thought? Like, ever?

Sad thing is, we have a lot of users like this, not as bad but drat well close :smith:

# ¿ Jul 13, 2011 01:47

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Bobulus posted:

Fuckkk.

My entire extended family is guilt-tripping me for not doing a family member's home tech support for free. (Well, he'll buy me a delivery pizza.)

It's many hours of work, because he is bad at computers, and keeps making poor equipment choices.

It'll also involve some things I have no idea how to do, mostly involving high-end entertainment system component reprogramming, which isn't documented, because you're supposed to pay a professional to do it. Did you know it's possible to brick a remote? Googling around, apparently people have with the system he has.

My thumb rule is 25bucks or you order me pizza, close family I can do free stuff. If I only see you once a year, you better be payin

# ¿ Sep 27, 2011 17:00

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Belial42 posted:

A ticket came in "Client unable to log into FTP site with IE9".

Every time with setup a new client account we send out some screenshots with instructions to help people log in. It's a simple login, click on a folder, click the upload button.

This client's IT Manager emails me today telling me that our FTP site doesn't work with IE9. "I can't browse my files!" He very helpfully emails me a screenshot. He never clicked on the folder we assigned him so he never got an upload prompt. Sigh.

I really haven't seen any sites thus far that ie9 doesn't play well with

# ¿ Sep 27, 2011 17:18

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Belial42 posted:

It wasn't an IE9 issue. I've heard good things about compatibility mode, and that was one of the first things I checked. It was just a simple "User didn't click the button, " issue.

He also emailed me later asking "Do you know how much download bandwidth do you allow for this site?" I think he's trying to figure out how fast the upload will take and thinks that's dependant on us, not his upload speed.

No I know I was just saying it wasn't like the jump from 7 to 8, or the vast amount of people using 6 to 8

# ¿ Sep 27, 2011 19:33

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

I KEEP GETTING BLUE SCREENS WHEN OPENING OUTLOOK!
:v:

uhh okay one sec
:stare:

6.00GB pst file

# ¿ Sep 28, 2011 20:30

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Kuros posted:

6gb? Try 20gb pst file.

I need smug + stare.

this machine had 512mb ram and 2.0 p4, I guess I should have mentioned that but still holy gently caress 20gb, I felt bad when mine was 200mb

# ¿ Sep 28, 2011 23:57

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

I need all these IP cameras configured and added to this server software

K what IP addresses do you want them to be on
:v:

Just DHCP

Well... Uhh they are IP cameras
:v:

DHCP!

I hope he know they won't work as they are added via IP

# ¿ Oct 13, 2011 03:37

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Glad I stick to virgin mobile 25/mo for 300 talk, unlimited text/web/data. :10bux:

more gets me 900 more minutes; and they have pretty decent phones

# ¿ Oct 14, 2011 16:25

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Wait... is that fan blowing IN?

# ¿ Oct 14, 2011 17:09

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

"The adapter keyboard power thingy got pushed back and I dunno how to un-push it back."

I wish I knew

# ¿ Oct 31, 2011 20:57

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Volmarias posted:

I'm not really sure what you're complaining about here.

"Hey guys perl is pretty gay, that's another reason I don't use perl. It's super gay. Just saying."

OH I hate it when people say "I don't use X language because it is old/gay/not used by most people"
Perl is a great language, same with python, well for *nix administration anyways

On subject
A lot of our clients try to "fix" their problems themselves, we have this one client who reformats every month because "I got slow"

I think I just may make a WDS image for her computer

# ¿ Nov 2, 2011 14:48

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Ticket came in
___________________________
From: Boss
Subject: Taco bell
2 x Hard Tacos
1 x Meximelt
1 x Nachos
1 x Large pepsi

Point and time of need: My office, by 1230
___________________________
My boss is cool

# ¿ Nov 3, 2011 17:32

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

I got the liberty today, and tomorrow morning to look for porn on a computer, after looking thoroughly I am to re-image it.

# ¿ Nov 15, 2011 04:26

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 04:05

Dilbert As FUCK: Sep 8, 2007; by Cowcaster; Pillbug

Volmarias posted:

Regular porn or porn?

Not sure I hope just normal lesbian porn

# ¿ Nov 15, 2011 04:40

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