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"Last year I’d requested a new monitor, due to my is blinking and changing colors from dim to bright and is getting worse, so hearting my eyes badly" In this user's defense my boss seems to be awful at handling requests for upgrades so it's no surprise that he is still waiting for help. Besides, the poor fellows eyes are hearting... badly! EDIT: One of our database people just came into my office saying she really needed my help. So I got up to follow her back to her office and she held out a bottle of White-Out: she needed help opening it. Dick Trauma fucked around with this message at 01:49 on Jan 22, 2009 |
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Jan 22, 2009 01:41
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I was asked to go to the CEO's office because he was having trouble playing a DVD. He pulled it up and sure enough it was skipping and there was no audio. I installed VLC for him and it played great but he wanted me to stick around and watch some of it with him. The video was of Roger Daltrey playing a concert. At the CEO's house. It's hard for me to identify with that kind of lifestyle.
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Oct 23, 2009 20:31
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topenga posted:Did you touch him? If so, will you come over to my house and touch me? Goddamn. To his credit Roger appeared to be giving a quality performance and the CEO said he was a really nice guy, and that he stayed for dinner after the concert. 
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Oct 23, 2009 23:22
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I had to remote in to a user's PC to see why her email wasn't working. Got it sorted out and when I was displaying her Outbox I discovered there was a subfolder in it. And in the subfolder? An unsent email from 2003. 
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Oct 26, 2009 16:56
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Clueless User posted:Hi Dick - I have a Laser Jet 4050 - after my new computer was installed - pdf files are printing very slow due to the operating system (Windows XP). Seems like the new operating system is too fax is too fast for my old printer. My old computer had Windows 2000 and it wasn't a problem printing back them. I'm going for a walk. It's nice outside.
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Oct 26, 2009 19:04
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Lum posted:What is most alarming about this post is that you are migrating TO Windows XP... in 2009! My boss is worse than Midelne's. I'm not exaggerating. It could be a thread of its own and it would bring joy to no one. I created an inventory database (yes, there was no inventory before I arrived) and we currently have 140 Win2k machines left. Even when we started buying Core2Duo machines he was still putting Win2k on them. Did I mention he didn't start licensing our OS installs until he "transitioned" to XP for new builds? I have to stop before this turns into an almost Lovecraftian tidal wave of stories of this idiot's madness. Best I not talk about our mandatory Halloween costumes. 
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Oct 26, 2009 19:40
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FISHMANPET posted:Sounds like mandatory sick day to me. I actually have a doctor's appointment that morning and he started to grill me via email (copying in my coworkers) about exactly when I was leaving and when I'd be back. I am probably going to be exhausted and unhappy by the time I get back from having a loving camera jammed down my throat. Perfect for those hilarious office photos to commemorate our enforced celebration of this child's holiday.
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Oct 26, 2009 20:19
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 : Can I scan in twenty pages at once and email it to someone but have it be 20 files? : No, eCopy doesn't support that. : Well I know it does so I'll just call your boss.
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Oct 27, 2009 16:46
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The replacement battery pack arrived for one of our rack mount UPS units. I put it in the server room and my boss said he'd do it at 1pm. 1pm arrives and he makes me tag-along. I get into the server room and see he has removed the UPS from the rack and put it on the floor. I explained that the front bezel comes off for battery replacement so it can stay in the rack, part of the beauty of having a rack-mounted UPS. I watch him struggle for a moment to get it back in the rack but he installed the sliders poorly so he had to unscrew them from the rack to get enough wiggle room for the re-rack. He did not attach the UPS to the sliders, so when he pulls on the bezel the whole thing is just coming right back out of the sliders. He claimed that the rack is "funny" and that he can't properly mount anything even though I can see that everything matches up and he just doesn't know how to rack-mount a piece of equipment. I remove the bezel for him and point at the white cord to pull on to disconnect the battery pack. He tries to pull on it... but it's still conveniently wrapped around the battery cable so there's not much to pull on. I unwrap it and pull out the terminal. He was able to figure out that the screws must be removed first and then he started pulling at the tray which of course started pulling the unit out of the sliders again. Eventually he pulled it out and I installed the replacement and boxed the old one. This is a good example of his usual contribution to anything that happens in our department: drag someone in, do it wrong, expose his prior stupidity, stand by while someone does it for him. Repeat.
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Oct 27, 2009 21:22
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:Can you move my monitor closer? :There you go. :How can I make everything on the screen bigger? :I can lower the screen resolution from 1024x768 to 800x600. <click click click> :Mmmmm... no, I don't like it. Change it back. :<click click click> There you go, back to 1024x768. :Now it's alot smaller. :Smaller than at 800x600, yes. But this is the way it was before I changed it. :No, it's smaller. :This is exactly the same as where it started a minute ago. :<sighs> It's ok, I guess I'll just have to use it like this from now on.Goddammit it's the same loving setting this idiot had thirty seconds ago! FFFffffff
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Oct 28, 2009 23:35
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The mandatory Halloween celebration has taken an immediate descent into Hell. I didn't think I could feel any more stupid for working for this idiot. I was wrong! It's going to be a long day.
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Oct 30, 2009 17:04
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The details do not make for a good story. It's enough to say that I have to step out for a doctor's appointment to get a camera shoved down my airhole and it will be better than being here!
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Oct 30, 2009 17:22
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ProjektorBoy posted:Lets get to talking about tickets, shall we? Maybe they're French?
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Oct 30, 2009 23:20
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ProjektorBoy posted:After analyzing the person's name in the directory, I have confirmed that this person is Greek, actually. So it's short for Lepenisapalapodakis?
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Oct 31, 2009 00:54
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In a half hour period last week one user produced five tickets all because she wanted her monitor moved closer. #1. Move my monitor closer: Went down and slid her LCD forward about six inches. #2. Make things bigger on screen: Lowered resolution from 1024x768 to 800x600. Reversed this about five minutes later at user's request. #3. Wants "something" removed from her desktop: Disabled desktop toolbar she'd somehow activated. #4. Can't clear "something" from her display: User had activated display's built-in menu. Pressed button to clear menu. User insisted she hadn't touched the buttons.  #5. Wants a monitor stand: I.T. does not stock monitor stands. Told her she would have to order one from the supply catalog.
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Nov 2, 2009 17:51
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CannedMeat posted:Can't you just be the IT guy who maintains the BES server like many of us? We're up to 70 Blackberrys and still no BES server. My dipshit boss has washed his hands of them and now I get stuck setting them up. Most of our users are remote so it's just a pain in the rear end. Oh and even though we have Exchange we use an external email service so it's just a mess. We're about to add at least ten more to the heap and lucky me I get to set them all up and teach each person (over the phone) how to use it. And then he has the nerve to remind me to add the PDAs to our knowledge base as if I haven't already put twenty of them in there as recently as last week.  EDIT: Ha haha. The little bitch just sent me an email because he has a box at the front desk for him, and since it's six more loving Blackberrys I might as well get them, and oh hey "guess you'll be busy today har har." I dislike him with a great intensity. Dick Trauma fucked around with this message at 21:39 on Nov 2, 2009 |
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Nov 2, 2009 21:24
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Apparently I missed my cancer opportunity to drop a lot of poo poo on someone. Why does no one tell me these things?  Is it retroactive?
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Nov 3, 2009 02:25
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From this morning... here's an example of what I've spent the last year doing: Phone rings Boss: Can you come down here to the second floor? Me: Sure. What do you need? Boss: Just come down. <click> I go down and find him in an office working on someone's PC. Boss: Looks like there's no sound driver. Bring me the driver CD. He drat well knows the driver CDs are back in my office on the third floor. I go back upstairs, get the CD and bring it right back down to him. Boss: Never mind. I'm downloading the driver from the web. A year. A year of this poo poo. Extend this level of dumbness and inefficiency to every single aspect of I.T. and management and you'll start to get an idea of what it's like to work with this douchebag.
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Nov 4, 2009 21:40
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Dragyn posted:What did poor Elmo do? I'd cut that annoying fucker's cord first chance I got.
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Nov 5, 2009 22:04
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Despite the fact that we have been laying people off my boss somehow got $10,000 approved so he could buy a server to use as a VM toy. 32 gigs of RAM. God knows how many drives. Another rack mount UPS because he feels that every server requires its own unit no matter how much extra capacity we have on the ten other units in the server room. I felt a bit ill that the purchase might be moving me closer to getting laid off. Then he told me the even better news: He found someone who will install it for $25. And for an additional $25 they will install Server 08 and configure the virtual machines. He was actually cackling at this wonderful deal he swung. The two issues I brought up: 1. I would do all that poo poo for free since, you know, I'm the I.T. Manager. 2. Just how much quality does he think $50 buys? I left off: 3. Why don't you do all that yourself, you loving useless douchebag?
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Nov 6, 2009 01:59
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ab0z posted:Well this week: Ha ha. I just had a stream of email from one of our locations that their security camera PC was dead and it needed to be immediately replaced and oh god the capture card is so old we'll need to spend $3000 just on new software alone ararlglglgkgkll!  Me: How did this all start? Did you call anyone here so we could troubleshoot the PC? Her: The hard drive crashed. The system was over 10 years old. I had an IT guy in the building take a look at it. An I.T. guy. In the building. Well there you go! She already had the definitive judgment from an anonymous person in her building. Why bother her own I.T. department with piddling things like... maintaining the company's I.T. assets.
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Nov 6, 2009 20:08
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so... YOU diagnosed the bad drive, YOU ordered a replacement, YOU reinstalled windows?
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stubblyhead posted:I assume that IT Guy works for some other company? Why on earth would he consent to do this? Is she hot? He is not an employee. He could be the bicycle messenger for all I know, and yet she was ready to go ahead with not only spending $3000 for new software (since the old software will only work on an older PC) but also buying the i5 he suggested without having any idea what an i5 is or why she might need it. Now I've got her back down to earth. I have a spare P4 that will work with her current card and software and I'll only charge her location $200 for it.
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Nov 6, 2009 20:19
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sanchez posted:How many posters in this thread get to sit by a window? I've always wanted a cube or office by a window somewhere. For a few years I sat in front of a window with a beautiful view. I got to watch the light and weather changes, it was great. I made sure to enjoy it. I'm back in yet another windowless room. I take a few breaks each day to go outside and enjoy the sky.
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Nov 6, 2009 21:45
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Welp I've worked at this place for a year now and I get to have this horrible loving idiot of an I.T. Director give me an annual review. I made it through the 3 month probationary review without slapping him. I am too old to deal well with work humiliation.
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Nov 9, 2009 18:26
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This morning my boss has decided to finally try Windows 7. I've been testing it for about six months just out of curiosity because he said we would never use it here. Now he's pontificating about it to his helpless employees and crowing about how he has a crack to make the demo a full version. On top of that he wants to abandon our licensed imaging software (which does not support 7) in favor of something that is free for personal use but not business. He kept saying "But this one is free! This one is free!" and when I pointed out that we are a business and would have to pay for the product he just ignored me. Of course he was fine with our entire company running off of a pirated copy of Windows 2000 so this comes as no surprise. But the multiple daily reminders of his aggressive ignorance are wearying. I've got us down to 140 pirated Win2k desktops but at this rate it will be years before we're fully licensed and this jackass can't wait to expose us to even more liability with his magic CD full of hacks.
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Nov 9, 2009 19:34
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Sprawl posted:You should report the company to Microsoft and see what happens. I'd rather not get my rear end sued off. This company could squash me like a bug.
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Nov 9, 2009 19:39
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AlexDeGruven posted:You can't call the cops because someone stole your weed. If they're in possession of illicit materials of any type, you're legally protected for calling them out on it. Nothing will get rid of this guy. Example: One of our critical systems went through an update a few months back. My boss prepared for it like it was the Normandy landing and made all of us crazy. And then when the morning came to update the clients whoops the new version doesn't run on Windows 2000, which is what all the users of the app have! I was ordered to make an emergency requisition for a dozen Windows XP licenses (I guess he never figured out how to pirate XP) and there was no fallout. None. He lied to the COO about how the software company never notified us about the OS requirement change but not only was it in bold type in all of their support info it was in the email he sent to us prior to the upgrade! This guy is the cockroach that will survive nuclear war. He has spent seven years covering up his mistakes. And as for ratting him out over the licenses I would be the obvious suspect and law or no law they would get me. Whistleblower protection is laughable. There would be no gain in this for me.
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Nov 9, 2009 20:17
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coyo7e posted:God, I wish I had canned air... But I do have an Air Compressor! I have trouble getting approval to buy more canned air so I needed an alternative. We have a little canister vacuum in my office that was so anemic my boss was pondering throwing it away. Since I'd figured out my boss is a loving idiot I decided to examine the vacuum and found that the bag was basically a solid brick of dust and toner. Turns out my boss had never changed the bag. Ever. He bought the vacuum seven years ago and never changed the bag. So I bought a new bag for $3.50 and the thing is so powerful I use the exhaust from the back as a never-ending compressed air tool. Also in addition to disappearing for at least two hours every day he now leaves early at least three days a week to "work from home." Fucker.
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Nov 11, 2009 00:36
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I have one user with a wonky eye that runs her 19" at 640x480. It breaks pretty much all our apps but she finds a way to get by. Troubleshooting on her machine is not much fun, especially when half the screen is occupied by her AOL buddy list.
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Nov 12, 2009 15:20
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The helpdesk guy just notified me that any user can view any other user's mailbox without needing a password. He's right.
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Nov 13, 2009 23:50
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The director was notified and promptly blew it off. Since I can't help myself I dug in a bit and found that inherited rights are turned on for our mailboxes. "Everyone" has the "Full Access" box checked. I see that as a problem. EDIT: The server has been in place for at least five years like this.
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Nov 14, 2009 00:00
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BangersInMyKnickers posted:Test to see if you can spoof your From: field to be anyone else It wouldn't let me send as them but we were able to open the COO's mailbox (as well as each other's mailbox) so it's pretty clear that this is a horrendous problem. So bad in fact that the director... is sitting in his office chuckling with the Compliance Officer over some stupid thing, instead of feverishly working to remedy the situation. It's just more mind-boggling incompetence that the CEO will never know about. I can't think of anything worse for a publicly traded company other than being able to listen in on each other's phone calls.
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Nov 14, 2009 00:16
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Yup, SOX compliant. But since no one above the Director knows about this there will never be any repercussions. My boss hasn't lasted seven years by letting people find out about his incompetence. He also still hasn't fixed it and as far as I know is not even working on it. To cover myself I sent an email to the helpdesk guy confirming that the problem he reported to me exists but since he'd already notified the Director I'll be standing by for directions from him on how he wants to proceed.
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Nov 14, 2009 00:58
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Latest unconventional I.T. skill used: lock-picking. Someone brought in the PC from one of our locations that manages the security cameras and records the video. Dead as Julius Caesar. It was a specialized "hardened" rack mount case with a locked access door covering the power switch and the drives. No one knew where the key was. I removed enough bolts to get into the case and replace the PSU but there was no quick way to get to the lock from the inside without gutting it. So... I broke out a couple of paper clips and picked it. Took maybe thirty seconds. Should I add it to my resume?
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Nov 14, 2009 02:11
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Our SOX auditors are now here basically all year. We have two auditors: internal and external. So we get two sets of auditors taking over our conference room, and two opportunities for my idiot boss to ignore their suggestions. This year there was a kick-off meeting with the internal auditors and my boss was late so I got things started. The auditors made some good, forward-thinking suggestions that were really just small changes to our access approval processes. I agreed with everything and then my boss finally arrived and blew it all off. It was funny because in about fifteen seconds he negated the entire productive discussion that had taken place before his arrival and the look on the auditor's faces was just awesome as they went from to  to to .
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Nov 16, 2009 21:20
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Spermy Smurf posted:Yeah, they look at the current user list for Domain, Mainframe, and 3 or 4 programs and make sure they are all up to date. I see you're still using the original DILDO release. They patched a few security holes with DILDO 1.01a.
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Nov 16, 2009 23:09
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A: "Trauma where did all my old e-mails go that I keep in my inbox?" B: "Inbox emails older than nine months are automatically deleted." A: "B-but I asked for auto-archiving on my inbox for anything older than 6 months!" His archive folders are empty. I check the settings. B: "Yes, you are indeed set for 6 month auto-archiving, with a prompt each time it's going to run. Have you seen that prompt?" A: "I didn't know what it was so I always just canceled it." 
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Nov 17, 2009 00:22
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This is just the lovely environment created by my boss so I'm not in a position to make things less stupid. This is the guy who for the last year has been hysterical that we are down to the last 10 gigs on our Exchange server while making no plans to move to a larger drive. And now he wants to do some kind of crazy live repartioning to get an extra five gigs out of it. Because hard drives are, like, expensive... and stuff. But oh hey let's spend $9,000 on a VM server just for him to gently caress around with. 
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Nov 17, 2009 00:43
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Yes it was indeed a bad idea to put that styrofoam cup of coffee on top of your PC. I will take it to my office to clean it off and see if it can be repaired. Gaah, why is the PC stuck to the carpet? What is all this crud? Oh, it's from the last time this happened? 
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Nov 17, 2009 19:13
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I had a dream last night where I was telling someone how to reboot their Blackberry.
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Nov 19, 2009 15:44
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