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I suppose I can post this in here since I last talked about it way back when in the pregnancy thread. My husband and I have been trying to conceive since the end of last August (well, that's when I went off my pills to give my body a chance to "normalize" if it's true you need that time, some do some don't I guess) so that come the wedding in October we'd be ready to go. Unfortunately, we're some of those wonderfully unlucky people who don't get to just WHOOPS here's a baby!  and we've got an appointment next Tuesday to find out if my husband is still spermless.First and foremost my husband has a stupid varicocoele on his good remaining testicle. That's the current problem. Let's back up to the start of the problems: August of 2007 he had a sharp pain in the groin that led him to the ER and he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It was early enough that it hadn't spread yet, and the mass was removed without much trouble. A semen analysis prior to surgery showed azoospermia (we were going to bank some for future offspring in case something went wrong) and then another SA after surgery recovery but before radiation treatments gave us the same results. It hit him pretty hard and myself too since we wanted a family even back then. When I went off birth control I started charting with the Fertility Awareness Method and have been having well-timed sex for nine cycles now. I've been bugging him to get another analysis done since it's been a year and a half since the last one, and the docs said that the situation/stress could have caused the count to be the way it was and a retest later would definitely be in order. He finally agreed so we're getting the results next week. Sadly, I anticipate the same answer  So anyway I think I explained that in order for it to make sense. I'm operating on a serious lack of sleep and bouncing between threads like this and the Dan Lirette thread so my brain is addled. Our hopes are for this new analysis to show a low count so that we can do some IUI or IVF if we save up for it but really, I don't count on it and that's pretty expensive and we will likely wind up not having kids since we can't afford fancy treatments and even adoption since that's pricey too I can raise a kid on little to nothing extra like we make now but we've sat down at length and talked about it and there's like no way we will be able to afford some of these things in the foreseeable future. It makes me sad.
Papaya fucked around with this message at 22:27 on May 13, 2009 |
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May 13, 2009 21:44
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Aardvarklet posted:I heard somewhere that the chance of conceiving in any given cycle, even if you do everything "right," is something like 20%...anyone know more about this? Something like this. I visit one of those "omg baby dust " boards and they had a long written out explanation as to why this is true, but I REALLY don't feel like going and searching for that post in all that garbage.Basically, even if everyone is 100% fertile, you still have to account for the fertilized egg to bounce around just right and implant correctly and not too soon or too late or be blighted or all this other crap so that lowers the odds right then and there, not even accounting for people with fertility issues.
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May 14, 2009 05:40
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SKeefe posted:Trying to get pregnant sucks. When you look around and see babies everywhere, especially people who have unwanted and unplanned children, it seems like it is so easy to get pregnant. It sucks for us though. My sister can sneeze and get pregnant (she's got 4 kids and finally got her tubes tied) and my brother and his wife just had their first, and pretty much everyone that I went to school with (married or not) has a minimum of one child by now, ugh. And one of my exes just posted pics on his facebook of his son's 6th birthday party... I remember holding that kid when he was 9 months old (dating divorced men with kids can be both fun and drama, I don't recommend it) and I was there for his first steps and damnit he even called me mom once. I feel so left out At my most angry and depressed moments I'm even mad at my husband but it's not his fault he got cancer and wound up infertile. That's just silly.
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May 14, 2009 21:52
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Ugh, well, we were going to try to have kids and all, but even if the results of the SA are good tomorrow, we're putting kids on hold My husband got laid off today. If it's not one thing it's another. At least I'm not already pregnant I guess!
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May 19, 2009 00:44
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Got the SA results back - still azoospermia! Nothing new. I have not ovulated yet but thank god it doesn't matter anymore to try to get the timing down since we don't have any live sperm in the works. This fertility doctor was pretty nice. What I had read online about varocicoele removal was pretty brutal, but this guy said that what they do is much simpler than what I'd read and (which is good because my husband vetoed the original procedure I'd looked up, heh) instead of a high recurrence rate of the veins, there is only like a 2% or so recurrence rate so if my husband has the veins corrected then we're pretty much smooth sailing to sperm production. I mean, we'll still only have one nut to work with but that should give us enough to do some IUI or IVF. I might get to actually have my husband's kids!  So in spite of the lay offs and no sperm count, today was some good news and also - I think I got a job  Training starts Thursday evening. I get to run around at a PetSmart and attempt to get people to buy my brand of dog food  Basically - it's playing with dogs and chattin' it up all during my shift. I can so do that.
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May 19, 2009 18:19
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Sorry to hear that, Space Cadet. At least she's going to be okay.
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May 30, 2009 02:57
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Space Cadet posted:any abnormal pain and get it checked out This, definitely. I've been having pretty sharp pains off and on right around where my right ovary should be and since my husband is shooting blanks I know it's no ectopic, so now we're stuck between a rock and a hard place with his job loss and with that, insurance loss and still waiting to get new insurance, so I can't find out what is wrong. If it were a constant pain I'd be seen already however it's not so I've been putting it off.Ugh. At least, we got some good news today from the doc that, tentatively, will be doing the next surgery on my husband. He said that all my husband's testosterone levels are normal (considering he has one nut, that's great news) and his FSH is elevated, which in out case is also good news and indicative of a functioning system. The varicocoele is loving everything up but his body is trying to compensate best it can. So in theory, once the veins are tied off he should be making sperm again and we're looking at possible pregnancy next summer, if work/insurance/surgery all goes well. We've been referred to an RE. I guess that makes me an official lurker again, sigh. Can't win!
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May 30, 2009 07:05
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I'm on Topamax for my migraines or I get them so bad I have them daily and can't work/sleep/eat/live and that stuff is unsafe, as far as I've read and been told, so hearing these alternatives is really great for whenever if I'll be lucky enough to have kids.
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Sep 21, 2009 00:17
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Quick question for you all, figure I'd ask here since this is the getting there part and the other thread is the already there/soon to be there part. SO, when I met my husband, we both agreed we wanted kids. For the last nearly 3 years we've had them as part of the future. Even when he got testicular cancer and wound up sterile, we discussed options and made new plans that involved children in other ways. After spending one weekend with my brother and his wife, and their (unusually) well-behaved 14 month old son, my husband has decided that children are too much hassle and no rewards. He stated that to him, kids are school, camping, trips, conversations - a child that is not of a "speaking age" is no fun and is all work and annoyance. He told me that the cancer is like fate now, so he won't have to worry about children now that he knows he doesn't want them. So, ouch! My life's goals include children, and I told him in no uncertain terms that if he truly doesn't want them, then I won't make him. But I won't be staying. I've heard this situation somewhere else I think on SA, and I guess what I'm looking for is some advice as to how to explain my point of view, like, to see if I could get him to at least see things my way, or something. I feel like I just got screwed since I in all honesty would not have let this relationship progress if he'd known at the start he didn't want them. I'm at a loss. I love my husband, but I want a family
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Nov 25, 2009 07:54
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Fire In The Disco posted:we're having a girl! Grats on the news As for the husband - he was totally on board with kids right up until he had to actually spend time around one for more than a couple hours. In spite of the cancer, he maintained a jovial attitude about it all and we explored options. It was even he who suggested using a sperm donor (and hell, he even asked his brother if he would be one, if needed) when initially I would've just been okay adopting so it'd be neither of ours by blood, rather than just not his. There is a surgery he can have to correct his current problem and give him the chance to make a low sperm count so we could do IUI or IVF. He was willing to go through that too, up until this last weekend. And my little nephew wasn't even a bad child at ALL the entire weekend, so if a happy little kid is still off-putting to him I can't imagine trying to raise a child with him. I don't want to be a single mom with an absent parent providing for us I've been pretty depressed by all this. I understand that he might come around (it took him a while but he eventually saw my side about circumcision, for example) given time to really think about it and time for our finances to stabilize, but then again there's always the chance he won't change his mind. I gave him five years to waffle with, by the time I'm 30 I want to start the ball rolling on kids (I want them now but I can wait that long). He has five years to either decide once and for all what he wants to do and if he's still uncertain, I don't think I could stay. In other news, saw a pregnant lady at HEB while buying pie filling tonight and almost bawled 
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Nov 26, 2009 03:36
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dishonesty posted:Based solely on this, I don't think you'll be able to wait even close to 5 years! Hell no, finances allowing I'd have a toddler by now lol
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Nov 26, 2009 08:50
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Well my family has a history of difficulties getting pregnant and staying so, and I worry I will run out of time if I wait too long. My brother is eleven years older than me and not because my mother didn't have other pregnancies in between And IF my husband decides to come around, with the surgery, and mandatory wait time after that, and then however long IUI/IVF might take to stick, that's at a bare minimum 1.5-2 years right there if we get pregnant on the first try. I feel like a whiner but he just changed his entire mind on our future after 3 years
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Nov 26, 2009 19:20
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Exelsior posted:It looks like I will be having trouble, and I am really glad I started young. I'm so concerned about this, with my family history of troublesome pregnancy/trying. I have a friend with a 4 month old I plan to watch when she needs it, and since my brother and my sister both live in other states I can't watch their kids. My brother was down with his son and wife for the holidays and we did babysit Ollie once, and it was me with the boy and my husband watching, concerned, until he finally left the room and played on the computer while I played with and eventually put Oliver to bed by myself. He only came back out once he knew Ollie was for sure sleeping. I just don't know what to think. We haven't spoken about all that mess since that night he stated he was done, and everything is slightly back to normal, only with a strange air between us. I can't really look at him the same anymore, and that hurts.
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Nov 29, 2009 10:03
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Longpig posted:Argh... Good luck!
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Mar 13, 2010 01:48
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I have posted in here briefly (as in the Pregnancy/parenting threads) about my own issues; just wanted to let anyone who followed know that, if finances still allow/donors still are going to donate, come January we will finally be officially trying ourselves. Knowing how fast some of these pregnancies on here feel like they fly by, what's 9 more months?
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Mar 19, 2010 05:37
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Ugh, makes me not looking forward to having to tell my boss when/if I get pregnant next year. I work in a vet clinic so a lot of the stuff is high risk for pregnancy and I can't put off disclosing it to her until later. Also - what are people's views on using a donor but not telling anyone but the immediate family (in our case, our parents only)? Because we have some well-meaning but common-sense lacking relatives that have the distinct ability to offend terribly, and I don't want them to piss off my future offspring with commentary in regards to their parentage.
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Mar 25, 2010 07:18
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Alterian posted:This totally came out of the blue. now you will get pregnant for sure
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May 1, 2010 02:30
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Wow, so much sooner than I thought my husband had me call to set up an appt with the fertility center to get the ball rolling on our donor situation. He still wants to wait to start using the donor sperm until January, but that's 7 months for me to whittle him down to sooner (if all systems go, based on the tests we'll be running). It will be nice to actually be "trying" with viable sperm.
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May 11, 2010 23:22
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I have another appointment with a difference facility this month to check their policies and prices for IUI/TDI. It's been over two years since we started trying, and with these bad semen analyses we have given up on this ever happening without serious intervention. (I guess we've known all along, but there was always a wish to have it just happen before we spend a lot on it) If this doctor will let me try a few cycles without drugs then we'll be doing the first cycle in January. The last place we went to wanted to do about a grand's worth of testing on me in addition to putting me on Clomid and charging a rather large amount for the donor sperm (vs other places we've checked), and I think the new place will just let us do some TDI without all the other crap unless it becomes necessary. I don't know, I thought I would be excited to start with actual sperm but I just don't feel anything anymore about all this. Is there something wrong?
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Oct 9, 2010 05:45
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So now we begin the search for a donor that resembles my spouse and has a portfolio we both agree on. I have three different recommended banks to chose from! This is the least sexy/fun thing every about preparing for potential pregnancy
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Oct 26, 2010 04:29
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Well, random internet is easier to share to than family, since we're keeping this donor situation on the down-low with everyone but our own parents - so yeah I can certainly update as things change. What finally got this ball rolling was finding a fertility center that would LISTEN to me and how I wanted to do things, and this place made the cut. With reasonable fees and a doctor that wouldn't shoo away my desires to skip out on drugs and just try intervention-free IUI, I can safely say I'm smitten. He did suggest getting an HSG prior to doing the inseminations, but he also said that not doing it unless it seemed necessary was okay as well - and later joked that I belonged in their Austin branch since it is more hippie-granola than the San Antonio one. I could've hugged the guy. So where we stand is come cycle day 1 of my first cycle that starts in January (or late December, if close) I will be calling them for an ultrasound appt around cycle day 10 or 11, since I tend to ovulate around 12-14 regularly, and if I've got a good one ready to go they'll trigger it and 36 hrs later do the insemination. We agreed that if we get 3-4 cycles down and have no luck, we'll get the HSG to check things out, and go from there. I'm hoping we won't need to step into IVF but if it goes there, then we'll take it one day at a time. In the meanwhile I've actually set my husband to looking over donors, which for me is easier I mean poo poo, I just want some live sperm to get up in there and get to makin' but letting him pick through donors seems to be a better plan. He's sorting based on a general appearance to himself but also to other things that matter to him - and in the end since he's the one who is more touched by this situation than I am, with him being the sterile one, I want him to be happy with the choices we make in regards to the biological father of our offspring. Also when the kid messes up poo poo later then he can't blame me for picking bad seed ;P While I'm still not really excited about all this, I have noticed my baby fever picking up again to the point where I'm like staring and drooling over other people's kids in public. I can't wait for my brother and his wife to move here in Nov with their 2 yr old son
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Oct 26, 2010 05:31
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Aericina posted:So whoever said the HSG wasn't painful at all, I'd like to have a word with you. Great. I hope I don't have to get one now more than ever!
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Dec 3, 2010 08:31
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Not everyone ovulates at day 14 or thereabouts. I almost always do it by day 12 (as early as 10 as late as 14). If you scanned me at day 14 I'd probably be done.
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Dec 11, 2010 23:01
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So tomorrow we have a counseling appt that is mandatory before using a sperm donor, then once that's over all we have left to do is choose the donor and order up some vials the first business day of January. This time next month I might be actually doing inseminations with viable sperm! How neat. I also got my bloodwork back in re: blood type and other infection statuses. I know now to pick out positive blood type donors so I can avoid shots and negative CMV donors so I don't catch that.
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Dec 17, 2010 07:45
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At least you get to get some action in the process of creating offspring; I get to have a strange old man shove instruments up into my cervix at the end of the month ;P Man, before we got the definite diagnoses of azoospermia for my husband, we had many months of trying and timing and all that - I was SO burnt out on sex from all that that we sorta disliked each other between ovulations.
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Jan 6, 2011 08:51
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Ok question, what would SomethingAwful do? I work for a veterinary hospital. The staff is half decent, half total assholish dicks. The clients are nice, the pets are ok, the job itself is high stress but doable. I have been at this clinic for a year and a couple months now, getting the job after my husband told me he didn't want kids after all (he was freaking out) so I got a job to keep myself occupied. Now that he changed his mind and IUI is going to be at the end of this month, we realize that the job and pregnancy can't really coexist. I have had concussions from this job, I get bitten and scratched on a regular basis, we barely get 15-20 minute lunches some days and usually work during them, we aren't allowed time off unless it's scheduled months in advance and/or you are super duper incredibly ill, and even those last two are now nixed since one of the techs had surgery on her knee and has been out for the last 3 weeks, leaving us understaffed and overworked for the next forseeable future. I won't be allowed to take time off for my IUIs, instead I'll be hoping to schedule them around the current work schedule, which if changes after my appt is made (and they change my shifts randomly a lot) then I will have to cancel my appts with the dr. because there is no flexibility with my office. I am thinking that the smart thing to do would be to quit (derp). However I can't shake the feeling of guilt that I'd be leaving them even more understaffed with the lead tech out for her knee and unable to train a new hire, and I would hate for her to have to come back to work before she is healed and mess up her poor knee. I don't even like the woman and I feel bad about it. But really, trying to get pregnant and still being forced to do xrays, monitor anesthesia, and handle dangerous drugs, not to mention wrestle and get knocked around by 90lb dogs, just doesn't sound like a good idea. Would you all turn in your 2 weeks, or would you tough it out and give them ultimatums for your staying, pending they let you work the safe parts or you split? Note that I don't NEED this job so money isn't an issue and I have backup jobs available that are safe and nonstress like this one. If I'm quitting the letter gets turned in Monday. Please advise. I hate feeling guilty over an office I overall hate.
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Jan 7, 2011 20:27
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Thanks guys - it's nice to have it put into perspective by people who aren't so biased towards the situation (my inlaws, my spouse) and who can tell me like it is without being a part of it. I wrote up my letter, it's going onto her desk Monday. The two weeks following will either be pure hell or simply amazing! My first IUI should be around the 27th, too! Things are looking up 
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Jan 8, 2011 05:46
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What Fire In the Disco said. Trying is trying in that case - you just have nothing to show for it yet Now what about me - I went off birth control August 2008, and we started "trying" then, for a year before we had the final sterile diagnoses for my husband; have we been "trying" since then or tried for a year and gave up? Since it's not really trying if you are rather certain your spouse is sterile - although I guess there's always that super slim chance he makes a sperm, since it's a tiny tiny unlikely possibility.
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Jan 9, 2011 22:18
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dishonesty posted:P.S. This poo poo is hard work. What happened to the idea that when I was a teenager, I'd get pregnant if I looked at a penis? I know, I am disappointed
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Jan 10, 2011 03:58
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I will be loving ecstatic if we get lucky on the first IUI. We're planning for 3 IUIs without intervention, then doing an HSG and trying more if those fail. It makes me have a very real heartache when my 2yr old nephew flies at me and hugs my legs, crying "My Karen, my Karen!" because he adores me.
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Jan 10, 2011 05:02
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I turned in my two weeks notice today without much hassle at all! And my husband settled on a particular donor, and we are ordering sperm tomorrow! 
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Jan 11, 2011 05:36
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Good luck Grayscale!
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Jan 11, 2011 19:51
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For us, things don't seem as bad as I was anticipating. HSG here will run me $335. Each IUI cycle is $350 for the insem itself, plus whatever the trigger shot will cost (I didn't get a quote on that). Monitoring each cycle post IUI is $270. We just spent $1300 on sperm + shipping, at $300 per vial and half off the cost of shipping since they were running a deal for January for new customers. None of this is covered under our insurance, only testing, which at this time I did not need so I didn't get it. We have an FSA that my husband put several thousand dollars into so that should help cover the costs of the IUIs. I will be having live sperm shot up into my hoohoo in two weeks!
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Jan 15, 2011 03:58
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Farrah posted:
This is why I had to quit my job. I told my boss I was going to be starting this IUI nonsense, and she flat out told me that I would have to schedule my appts when I had time off of work on the pre-arranged schedule, and I told her it wouldn't work that way, and she said that it had to or I couldn't do it because I wasn't allowed time off work for any reason whatsoever. I turned in my two weeks five days later.
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Jan 16, 2011 07:47
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Alterian posted:How dare you want to have kids. Don't you realize your lovely job is more important than you procreating? WELL YEAH OF COURSE duuuhhh she about poo poo her pants when I handed her the letter, guess she never took me seriously when I said I didn't really NEED the job
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Jan 17, 2011 06:18
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If we had used a known donor or were able to get anon sperm at home, we would've used the insert cup into vag method. As it is, today is cycle day 1, and on the 28th I go in for an ultrasound to check to see where my follicles are. I'm pretty excited finally I could be getting spermed up in just over a week!
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Jan 19, 2011 08:17
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fishandcandy posted:Husbands do that?!? That is seriously insane. Spend a day on the MDC boards. It's pretty whacked. I post there once in a blue moon to check in on people I know there but I took a 7-8 month hiatus from there for a reason. My brain melted.
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Jan 21, 2011 22:00
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Banana Cat posted:...with shining eyes and said, "I'd LOVE to have twins! That's adorable My husband is sorta on the fence about multiples, esp since he only wants 2 kids tops (right now) and I think he'd freak out if we were carrying multiples. I know he'd be ok with it all said and done, but that initial bit of info would have him pissing himself for a few weeks haha
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Jan 23, 2011 22:16
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After trying for two and a half years and finally getting the finances to start IUI/donor insems, I can safely say my sanity level is pretty low. I've always wanted kids and it was a real mindfuck to wind up with a spouse who wound up being pretty much sterile and get to sit on the subject of to go to all the trouble to have kids or not. I wish I was in a "whoops pregnant!" sort of situation instead, because this infertility bullshit sucks. I have a shitton of friends pregnant right now or trying for their seconds/thirds and I feel left behind and angry about it. Even this absolute twat of a girl I went to high school with just had her first kid two weeks ago. I am shocked and afraid for the kid - I can't imagine someone like that caring for a living thing. I had a "why me" moment when I found that one out.
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Jan 24, 2011 20:38
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Yeah work drama, UGH. I need to quietly unfriend every single one of those bitches. I got out of that snakepit for a reason. Tomorrow morning is my u/s and possibly trigger! Kinda cool
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Jan 28, 2011 06:39
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