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Sorry in advance for the long post. Hopefully some of you can relate and get help too. I've bolded my symptoms for tl;dr ease. This thread and the following research I've done has prompted me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist next week, and I'm sure that I too suffer from adult ADHD. Thinking back, I've suffered with it since I was at the very least a teenager (about how long I can remember struggling). My parents can probably identify these behaviours going back earlier than that. My mother is adopted, but her birth brother has ADHD and her mother was a chronic alcoholic with unmedicated and undiagnosed suspected ADHD (among others). I like many in this thread topped my classes with no real work. Thankfully I have a photographic memory which has saved my rear end for as long as I remember. I can read something twice and know it off by heart, which incidentally is about as long as my attention span  . I know for a fact if I had to work hard to achieve good grades I would have failed college. I really struggled with post-grad life and self directed learning. The thought of a research based Masters instead of a taught one where the content is new every day... it's literally something I couldn't do. I fluffed about forever on my research, then hit hyperfocus and wrote the entire thing in 3 weeks. As a child I didn't really have behavioural issues but I was pretty smart at school and would do my work in ten minutes then get really bored and start to distract others. Not climbing up the walls stuff though. My inability to stick at any one thing, to concentrate, or not bounce gaily from one thing to the next never getting anything done is interspersed with times of intense hyperfocus. I wish I could harness it. I was the exact kid throughout high school who would stay up all night because my mind was racing, then forget to take the essay the next day. At the moment it's 5.53am on a Sunday morning, but I'm wide awake and writing this post. While I was at college I would frequently sit bolt upright at 3-4am and write my essays in hyperfocus. More often than not they would make no sense the next day. I never missed a deadline because I always allowed myself 3 times as much time as the usual person to get something done because I get hugely distracted. But I've learned to cope with not being able to concentrate. I've created huge coping systems to help get me through the day, especially combating my forgetfulness. I'm the person with Post-It notes all over their house reminding me to do things. Usually I forget anyway. I have huge checklists and something so small as packing my handbag to go to work seems like a drama. I have to sit down and force my self to relax (deep breath) then locating one thing at a time. Ipod, blackberry, buspass, etc. Microsoft Outlook and its calendar reminders have saved my life, not lest of all because it pops up and is a distraction for doing something else. I check things 5000 times before going on a work trip which is incredibly tiresome. I'm terrified of forgetting an important paper. When I was travelling, it was my passport. My mind runs like a computer struggling to keep up. The rage, oh the rage. I'm a workaholic who fails to relax at anything and it drives me insane when I'm leading on a project and people don't operate at the same level of urgency and get me things when I need it. Group work is something I fail at - I always ended up doing the lion's share of the work even though it took me longer to do it. I get so angry it scares me a bit - even about the most tiny things. Social cues mean I can't just scream and yell like I want to, so I usually end up bursting into tears in private. I'm not very good at negotiating because I get so frustrated. My mind runs at a million miles and hour and I can't articulate what it is I want. I thrive on high pressure situations and struggle to relax or go on vacation. I hate weekends or any time off work. I was recently diagnosed with mono and it has forced me to slow down and I can't deal with my body not being able to keep up with my mind. It's probably why I've gone undiagnosed for so long - high pressure work environment accommodates my high pressure brain activity. I have self selected into a job that is high stress with constant stimulation. I love my job, but I'm bored (as always). I'm always looking for the next high, the grass is always greener. I can't remember the last time I took any type of meaningful vacation. I've basically stopped drinking because if I have one glass of wine, I can't stop and end up drinking myself into oblivion. There are lots of things I've given up because I have an addictive personality. Given my family history, it's easier. I spend money I don't really have on impulse. I struggle through my work day by using EXTENSIVE routine and ridiculous organization I can cope, even though it feel overwhelming. My colleagues frequently make fun of it. I think I developed some borderline OCD tendencies which are coping mechanisms to deal with the chaos of my brain. So work is ok, but socially? Forget about it. I have a lot of friends and people would describe me as outgoing and social, but struggle to maintain my friendships in person. Taking the initiative to organise something is difficult because like the above posters, I break everything down into minute tasks and it seems overwhelming. A trip into the city to catch up with a friend? Ok, I'll drive. Where will I park? Do I have parking money? I need to get cash out. Does my car have gas? Oh no, my car doesn't have any gas! Then I freak out and just don't bother. Also I frequently edit my posts when I read them back and they make no sense. God, I'm a cot case. miss_chaos fucked around with this message at 19:39 on Aug 22, 2009 |
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Aug 22, 2009 19:30
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| # ¿ Apr 20, 2024 02:56 |
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Like this, except people want to hang out but I can't cope with all the stuff required to do it. Or I get there, and feel like I can't be myself because I don't want to freak people out. As I said, most people would describe me as being a really good time but I'm not a very good FRIEND. I struggle with emotional connection. I'm not very good at being there for someone when times are hard because I freak out about not being able to give them something they need. I was huge into partying at college. It's almost like there's two of me - passionate, eccentric and excessive me, then the other side of me that's looking down on me doing "jesus christ dude, chill out" and not being able to listen to the smart one. I KNOW this is the way that I am and that I want to change. At least I can see it's a problem. Smoking pot makes me feel sane. It's like a cloud of relaxation, and I can literally feel my mind slowing down. I can articulate myself, I feel like I can breatheagain. I just refuse to do it more than a few times a year because I don't want to become a) reliant b) a stoner. I can see why many people with ADHD self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. It's hard being wound up like a spring all the time.
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Aug 22, 2009 20:15
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