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There's a lot going on in those shorts--it kinda feels like you're trying to tell an entire sitcom episode in just 3 minutes. Since you're not writing 11 or 22-minute episodes here, you might be better served if rather than trying to show off an entire "episode" in that limited amount of bandwidth, if you just really narrow down on a specific scene. Keep the plot a small piece of a larger puzzle and just jump into it. What would be the funniest moment of an episode and just really stretch that moment out to fit your timeline. You don't need a full narrative arc with a resolution in something at this scale. As it is the writing style leaves it all a bit slap-dash. It's not world-building as much as you think it is and the characters are running around so much you don't actually get a chance to get to know them. Sometimes less is more with the set pieces.
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Aug 22, 2019 20:55
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Yeah the BigShots one had so many set pieces and there wasn't really time to establish the different things and the transitions were very jarring. I also couldn't really tell if the pitch was supposed to be about the guy and his robot or just about the show "Big Shots" in general (and whether these guys were now going to be regulars in the cast). I kinda just wanted to see more stuff on smaller pieces of it, but I guess I'm not as familiar with the pitching process and the kind of condensed format they're looking for. Portions of it are funny and I can tell where you're going with it, it just felt a little bogged down by the format is all.  Pitching is something I've been thinking a lot about lately, though. I'm working on a web-series right now that I'm just kinda dumping on YouTube and it's doing reasonably well there, but I'd love to get around to actually showing it off to studio folks. That realm is really intimidating, though. Jaster fucked around with this message at 20:58 on Aug 25, 2019 |
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Aug 25, 2019 20:36
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