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I saw Legion this weekend. The premise is that God is, to quote the movie, "tired of all the bullshit" and decides mankind's time is up. He orders his host of angels to exterminate man from Earth. The archangel Michael, God's right hand man, decides that this can't possibly be His plan and rebels in a lone attempt to save humanity from extinction. Meanwhile, some tramp working at a cafe in the middle of the desert is pregnant with the child who can redeem mankind from God's judgment if he's born in time. It's Michael's mission to defend her and the child. No one in this movie is interesting. Michael is presented with no creativity. It would've be interesting for a rebel angel to sport a giant sword made of punishing and pure light or maybe using a spell like power that encircles his enemies with halo rings. Anything that would make for a fun or unique visual. Instead they make him into a dull and tritely gritty action hero carrying around a big, dumb arsenal of automatic weapons. They attempt to make Tramp sympathetic. She worries about her future and the future of her baby with little going for her at the moment and that's relatable. Everyone suffers from pangs of doubt and uncertainity in their lives at some time. But between the self-pitying and saucy attitude about smoking while pregnant, it's easy to reconsider why anyone would care about her. There's also this Dumb Hick that wants to marry her and help raise the kid even though it's not his. Noble in a Hallmark made-for-TV movie way, not particularly flattering since the hose bag he fawns over hardly acknowledges him. He's pretty much a chump the entire film. There are other speaking roles in the movie but the characterization is so poor that you don't give a drat whether these people live or die. Attempts to humanize the characters are clumsy, comical, and awkward. There's a scene when the two black characters, Gangster Dad and Fry Cook With Hook Hand, have a heart-to-heart about their lives. The entire scene is constructed based on the fact these characters share a common ethnicity and nothing else. When the angel zombie horde do show up, it's predictable who's going to go and in what order. Angel zombie horde, you ask? God's strategy for wiping out the human race is for angels to possess weak-willed humans and use them to kill the non-possessed humans. Angels can wipe out whole cities overnight with raining brimstone, so you may be confused why they would waste their time imitating humans when they could just flying around on fiery chariots laying down holy kick rear end judgment on the masses. Please realize that without such a stupid and inefficient plan for wiping out humanity, there could be no plucky survivors holding their own against a horde of monsters in a jerry-rigged fortress. Just like in every George Romero movie. The horror of the movie is supposed to be when angels possess people and our orderly and calm world is turned inside out. When the mundane and ordinary become dangerous and unexpected. These moments become unintentional comedy instead. An angel possessed granny calling someone a "loving oval office" is a good laugh than a jarring scare. A galloping and deformed ice cream truck driver is more silly and contrived than frightening. Parallels to Dawn of the Dead are easy. If you include The Seventh Sign, another movie about a reluctant mother in the face of the End Times, and Terminator 2, with its themes of redemption and rediscovering hope, with the comparison, then this movie becomes a trifecta of derivative poo poo. Not a Duck fucked around with this message at 08:19 on Jan 26, 2010 |
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Jan 26, 2010 08:16
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 12:08 |
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I went to this movie with extremely low expectations, yet miraculously even they weren't met. The two things I was expecting was some humor from Bettany, and some original monster design. Besides two monsters, every single bad guy was the same, and I don't think Bettany makes a joke throughout the whole movie. Terrible movie, don't see it, even if you jump at the chance to watch lovely sci/fi like I do. 1/5
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Jan 27, 2010 18:42
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I came into the movie expecting some dumb action sequences and maybe some scares, I got neither. Honestly I dont remember the last time i've seen a movie this bad, it advertises as an action/horror film but all you get is pointless dialogue between useless one-dimensional characters that get killed off unsparingly. The action sequences are few and far in between except for the finale. The monster seizure transformations look terrible and the creepy evil kid is laughable. It only runs 100 minutes but it feels like an eternity and I wanted to walk out 1/3 of the way through. Would not recommend even renting this garbage. 0/5 stars, complete trash
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Jan 28, 2010 06:39
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I went to this movie the same way I do any other, I watched a trailer, enjoyed it, then watched the movie at the theater. The trailer looked 'fun' so I was expecting to be entertained for the whole duration, I was not disappointed, the dialogue in the movie possess some philosophical questions that were unexpected(in a good way) from this type of movie, for example our world is a dystopia, but would we rather it be gone? and how ridiculous beliefs are, etc. I enjoyed Pandorum immensely thought that was an amazing movie, albeit badly reviewed, and like to compare Legion to Pandorum. 4/5
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Jan 29, 2010 01:14
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The MILF was hot, but that was about all the movie had going for it. That and a real Evil Dead vibe from the old lady.
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Jan 31, 2010 07:09
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I went to the see this with 7 friends- there were only 5 other people in the theater. We all just went to laugh at how horrible it is, yell at the screen, and have a good time. Before you call me out on being an obnoxious movie goer, after about 5 minutes the whole theater joined in. It didn't live up to the legendary "so-bad-it's-good"ness of Max Payne and Transporter 3, though.
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Jan 31, 2010 18:14
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The Wensey posted:It didn't live up to the legendary "so-bad-it's-good"ness of Max Payne and Transporter 3, though. Transporter 3 had a few good bits.  edit: To contribute, I thought it started off very well, with the little old lady in the diner. Unfortunately, that seemed to be about the best bit and it went downhill quite rapidly from there, and I soon got bored. 2/5 Stoatbringer fucked around with this message at 20:50 on Apr 30, 2011 |
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Jan 31, 2010 18:32
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I read the reviews in here, and thought "I have enjoyed movies in the past that were rated poo poo, I will see this," I am sorry I did not listen to the public. I remember thinking how awesome this movie looked in the initial advertisement campaign. Now, upon leaving the theater, I wonder who watched that movie after the final cut, and thought, "All right guys, good job! This is gonna kick rear end!" This movie has no redeeming qualities, do not bother. Really, don't. I'm just glad I caught the super-bargain matinee. 1/5
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Jan 31, 2010 22:48
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 12:08 |
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Honestly this is one of the worst movies I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. The entire movie was boring and visually unappealing and the ending was flat out ridiculous. 1/5
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Feb 14, 2011 10:18
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