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Poque
Sep 11, 2003

=^-^=

The Narrator posted:

They all belonged in that jail cell, except maybe Kramer :colbert:

You mean cockfighting, flag-burning Kramer?

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Sash!
Mar 16, 2001


Oh whats up Kramer, just committing some Federal crimes?

Yeah he deserves to be in the cell.

Also he may be a murderer.

The Narrator
Aug 11, 2011

bernie would have won
His intentions were pure :(

Poque
Sep 11, 2003

=^-^=
Hey, how'd you know about the guy in the park?

Coffee And Pie
Nov 4, 2010

"Blah-sum"?
More like "Blawesome"

The Narrator posted:

His intentions were pure :(

You think his hands have been soaking in Ivory liquid?

Rageaholic
May 31, 2005

Old Town Road to EGOT

Woah ho ho, what do you know about what you look like?

goodog
Nov 3, 2007

Well, if you'll kill this person, who's to say I wouldn't be next?

But you know me!

I thought I did!

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

All you jerks saying get rid of Elaine are as bad as the jerks saying get rid of Kramer. :argh:

The correct answer is to kill the repairman, nobody will ever miss him.

Kevyn
Mar 5, 2003

I just want to smile. Just once. I'd like to just, one time, go to Disney World and smile like the other boys and girls.

Sash! posted:

Oh whats up Kramer, just committing some Federal crimes?

Yeah he deserves to be in the cell.

Also he may be a murderer.

Poor Pinkus. Poor little Pinkus.

The Narrator
Aug 11, 2011

bernie would have won
You know why Rifkin was a serial killer? Because he was adopted. Just like Son of Sam was adopted. So apparently adoption leads to serial killing...

Rollos
Aug 11, 2007

Hold on, won't be long

Sash! posted:

Oh whats up Kramer, just committing some Federal crimes?

Yeah he deserves to be in the cell.

Also he may be a murderer.

Hey, I'm doing what I do. You know, I've always done what I do. I'm doing what I do, way I've always done it and the way I'll always do it.

fenix down
Jan 12, 2005

myron_cope posted:

So you never saw Last Tango in Paris? Too bad, it was erotic.
How about IT SUCKED!?

DrBouvenstein
Feb 28, 2007

I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. This fancy avatar does.

Sash! posted:

Bring back Kramer's dog damnit.

Why do we need him, when we have Farful!

:woof::woof:
:woof::woof:
:woof::woof:

(Man, now I need to get him a dog so I can name him Farful...and a rooster named Little Jerry...and a couple of horses...though to be honest I don't care for the name Snoopy, so maybe just get Prickly Pete.)

jojoinnit
Dec 13, 2010

Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.

DrBouvenstein posted:

Why do we need him, when we have Farful!

:woof::woof:
:woof::woof:
:woof::woof:

(Man, now I need to get him a dog so I can name him Farful...and a rooster named Little Jerry...and a couple of horses...though to be honest I don't care for the name Snoopy, so maybe just get Prickly Pete.)

Shlomo and Slippery Pete?

esperantinc
May 5, 2003

JERRY! HELLO!

The chances of me ever getting a rooster are slim to none, so I decided long ago that the next dog I get will be named Little Jerry Seinfeld.

Epic Mount
Jun 18, 2007
Yeah! Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!

penismightier
Dec 6, 2005

What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.

personaljesus posted:

OK, painful question of the day...

If you had to remove one of the 4 characters from the show, who would you choose so that it would ruin the show the least?

For me, it would be Elaine.

Revisit the pilot, which is like a glimpse at an alternate no-Elaine universe. The waitress they have instead is deeply awful.

WoG
Jul 13, 2004
If you mean actually remove, not just 'recast and rename', like some of these responses seem to indicate, it has to be Kramer. His plots are rarely the A story, or when they are, they're counter to the typical 'feel' of the show. Likewise, instances where he plays a necessary part in others' stories, that part could often just as easily be filled by newman/puddy/etc.

jojoinnit
Dec 13, 2010

Strength and speed, that's why you're a special agent.
You think Newman or Puddy could help Japanese tourists spend their yens on such an incredible trip around New York? Or show a lonely librarian some love?

WoG
Jul 13, 2004

jojoinnit posted:

You think Newman or Puddy could help Japanese tourists spend their yens on such an incredible trip around New York? Or show a lonely librarian some love?
Newman could certainly do the latter; he already demonstrated when he Cyrano'd Kramer that he's got he poetic chops to pick up a bookish gal. With a few details changed, George wouldn't be a bad fit for the former scheme.

Alternatively, both of those could be cut. If you interpret it to mean 'all ____'s stories are eliminated', losing Kramer hurts the show the least.

(This isn't to say I don't love the character, and in fact, I think he's the one who'd most alter the show if it was, 'who would you recast?')

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010
the very pants I was about to return...

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Bobby Malone posted:

the very pants I was about to return...

What about the panties your mother laid out for you?

McDragon
Sep 11, 2007

It's great that this show is on television over in the UK at the moment. Sure, I watched the whole lot on DVD last summer, but it's nice that it's on there.

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010

Jerusalem posted:

What about the panties your mother laid out for you?

Every molecule is so strained that they can barely retain the properties of a solid.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Bobby Malone posted:

Every molecule is so strained that they can barely retain the properties of a solid.

I was standing by an open window and the breeze disintegrated my underwear, so it's time for a new pair.

Sash!
Mar 16, 2001


Seinfeld should have cashed in on the success of the Cheers-Frasier spinoff, instead of the Friends-Joey nightmare.

I'd have watched America's favorite spinoff: "The Continuing Adventures of J. Peterman."

The catchphrase for the series would have been "NOT ON MY WATCH!"

ChickenMedium
Sep 2, 2001
Forum Veteran And Professor Emeritus of Condiment Studies

WoG posted:

If you mean actually remove, not just 'recast and rename', like some of these responses seem to indicate, it has to be Kramer. His plots are rarely the A story, or when they are, they're counter to the typical 'feel' of the show. Likewise, instances where he plays a necessary part in others' stories, that part could often just as easily be filled by newman/puddy/etc.

Removing any of the four is going to make the show suck. But for as blasphemous and counter-intuitive as it sounds, I think the show sucks the least removing the best character: George. You need the side-show of Kramer to balance to sheer awfulness of the rest of the characters. The necessity of Jerry is fairly self-evident. Thus is comes down to George and Elaine. Elaine is the gateway to the largest portion of the show's greatest side characters (Peterman, Puddy, even one-offs like the Soup Nazi), and her parade of loser/weirdo/creepy boyfriends provide the set-up for great Seinfeldisms. Thus George, despite being the best character, is the most expendable.

BrainMeats
Aug 20, 2000

We have evolved beyond the need for posting.

Soiled Meat
You're all way off.

Despite the title of the show Jerry Seinfeld is by far the most unnecessary character. They were barely into season 2 (The Busboy) when the writers realized that Jerry didn't have to be central to every plot point, and they never looked back. He only exists for the other personalities to work off of. I guess without Jerry there wouldn't be nearly as many beautiful women over the 9 seasons but that's not really the main draw of the show. He's the weakest actor with the most nondescript personality.

Jerry's apartment though, can't get rid of that. Without Jerry's apartment, there is no show.

mojo1701a
Oct 9, 2008

Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth

Sash! posted:

The catchphrase for the series would have been "NOT ON MY WATCH!"

Now I have the image of a (reality?) show where John O'Hurley goes into drug addicts' homes and forces them to give up drugs and turn their lives around, citing that the addicts' children are living in "a den of iniquity."

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

I like the idea (showcased a little in the Seinfeld season of Curb Your Enthusiasm) that Jerry is just as bad as George/Larry but he goads them on to be the more upfront of the two in regards to being a terrible person, and Jerry looks better as a result.

Like taking an ugly friend out to a bar so you'll look better by comparison.

Loving Life Partner
Apr 17, 2003
Caught the episode that inspired the thread title tonight, I forgot how great it is.

One of Kramer's best moments:

"Your Nana is missing because she's been passing those bum checks all over town, and she's finally pissed off the wrong people!"

Rageaholic
May 31, 2005

Old Town Road to EGOT

The bank? IT BURNED. IT'S GONE.

Now what you wanna do is go down to 49th Street. That's the main customer service branch. Ask for Mr. Fleming. He'll help you :)

Chexoid
Nov 5, 2009

Now that I have this dating robot I can take it easy.
Hows her handshake feel? Firm? Maybe a little too firm?

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Chexoid posted:

Hows her handshake feel? Firm? Maybe a little too firm?

esperantinc
May 5, 2003

JERRY! HELLO!

Loving Life Partner posted:

Caught the episode that inspired the thread title tonight, I forgot how great it is.

One of Kramer's best moments:

"Your Nana is missing because she's been passing those bum checks all over town, and she's finally pissed off the wrong people!"

YOU HUNG UP ON MY NANA?!?!?

myron cope
Apr 21, 2009

esperantinc posted:

YOU HUNG UP ON MY NANA?!?!?
YOU TOLD NANA TO DROP DEAD!?!

DrBouvenstein
Feb 28, 2007

I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. This fancy avatar does.

Jerusalem posted:



That wasn't a twist off...:witch:

The Finn
Aug 27, 2004

إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم

myron_cope posted:

YOU TOLD NANA TO DROP DEAD!?!

She can't do that, she's on a very fixed income! Stop the show!

MINT WIZARD
Apr 25, 2007

This isn't going to stop until Pictionary bans the word windmill.
Middle finger straight up! At me! At us!

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Chili
Jan 23, 2004

college kids ain't shit


Fun Shoe

safety dan posted:

Middle finger straight up! At me! At us!

:ninja: We're following him :ninja:

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