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Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
EDIT (7/30/2010): Jump to discussion on A Clash of Kings, the second book in the series.

MOD EDIT: Any spoiler, big or small, will be banned.
Any indirect spoiler, which is blatantly obvious in general once you get it, will get a LONG probation.

Alright goons, now is your chance to get in on The Book Barn's read through of George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire! This discussion thread will be SPOILER-FREE. As the read-through progresses the spoiler fog of war will naturally recede, but this is your final warning.

:siren::siren::siren:DO NOT SPOIL THESE BOOKS.:siren::siren::siren:

That being said, if you have an interest in these books you probably shouldn't be on the internet, or even communicate with other beings capable of your language prior to finishing. Spoilers are everywhere on the web. For those willing to take that risk, welcome! Avoid rolling over spoiler tags, as you'll really regret it.





Author: George R. R. Martin, AKA GRRM.
Born: September 20, 1948 in Bayonne, New Jersey.
Occupation(s): Author, Former TV writer (The New Twilight Zone, Beauty and the Beast) , Miniature Salesmen, NFL Blogger, Convention Fixture
Genres: Fantasy, Science-fiction, Horror

Influences
J. R. R. Tolkien, Robert A. Heinlein, H. P. Lovecraft, F. Scott Fitzgerald, George MacDonald Fraser, Robert E. Howard, Stan Lee, Jack Vance, William Faulkner, Roger Zelazny,

Influenced
Daniel Abraham, Steven Erikson, Scott Lynch, David Anthony Durham, Paul Haines, Joe Abercrombie, Patrick Rothfuss, Michael Chabon


Why do I want to read GRRM?
GRRM's won awards! Locuses, Hugos, Nebulas, Ignotuses, AnLabs, Seiuns, Balrogs, Stokers, Geffens, Skylarks, and other things Scifi/Fantasy folks make up to convince ourselves it's a legitimate art form.







The Series: A Song of Ice and Fire

Why do I want to read this series?
Because you are a giant escapist medieval fantasy dork hungering for a low magic story that focuses on intrigue, royal plots, and the machinations of noble families. Because you want to :smug: at others when they go nuts over the HBO series coming next spring. Because you're the sort of person that enjoys reading phone book sized tomes, and descriptions of food.

Westeros is a world reminiscent of medieval Europe. Times past saw seven kingdoms conquered, and turned into one by a family with one three huge advantages: Dragons. Aegon Targaryen forged an iron throne from the swords of his enemies, and named himself king (literally). Through roughly three centuries, the Targaryens ruled. Over time, the dragons died off. Though it has been a century and a half since the last dragon had been seen, the Targaryen's maintained control, with noble houses both great and small bending the knee and maintaining the peace.

A decade and a half prior to the start of our story saw rebellion, the deposing of the Targaryens, and the fleeing of the last scions of their house into hiding across the sea.

GRRM uses a very effective Point of View, limited third person perspective per chapter following some of the victor's of the rebellion(both "good" and "bad"), their children, and the deposed. You'll follow current plots. You'll learn the nature of past plots, secrets, and mysteries. You'll find this all entwined with larger, ancient threats. Royal plots, ancient threats, mysteries, prophecies, twists, turns, betrayals, sex, rape, bastards, lemon cakes, and more! What more could you ask for?

Quotes about the Series:

Westeros.org, an ASoIaF fan site posted:

Imagine a feudal kingdom on a massive continent in a world filled with many cultures and half-legendary lands and an ancient history. Imagine a time where dragons once lived but magic is now dwindling, yet the seasons can be long or short, bringing glorious summers or terrible winters that last years at a time. Imagine a massive iron throne from which seven kingdoms are ruled, with false knights and true all gathered about it in hopes of blood or glory or profit, and shadows behind it pushing the pieces that make up the game of thrones.
Source: http://www.westeros.org/Citadel/Books/Entry/160/

Time posted:

Martin isn't the best known of America's straight-up fantasy writers. That honor would probably go to upstart Christopher Paolini (Eragon), or Robert Jordan (the endlessly turning Wheel of Time series), or better yet to ageless grandmistress Ursula K. LeGuin (A Wizard of Earthsea). But of those who work in the grand epic-fantasy tradition, Martin is by far the best. In fact, with his newest book, A Feast for Crows (Bantam; 784 pages), currently descending on bookstores and ascending best-seller lists, this is as good a time as any to proclaim him the American Tolkien.
Source: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1129596,00.html





  • A Game of Thrones (1996)
  • A Clash of Kings (1998) [ Jump to discussion on aCoK ]
  • A Storm of Swords (2000)
  • A Feast for Crows (2005)
  • A Dance with Dragons (Released Yet?)
  • The Winds of Winter ("Forthcoming")
  • A Dream of Spring ("Forthcoming")

Additional Short-Stories: Same world, but taking place about a century before the series proper.
  • The Hedge Knight (1998)
  • The Sworn Sword (2003)
  • The Mystery Knight (2010)


Wait, the series isn't finished?
Correct! The writing of A Feast for Crows, and the "almost done" A Dance with Dragons was, and has been, troubled. Rewrites, change-ups, and other distractions have caused a delay in the release of the latest series installment. This has caused a large division in the fan base, and has either driven us mad (), or turned us into fawning sycophants. One day, you too will likely go mad, and we'll be here to welcome you with a lemoncake, and something non-consensual.


Bitchin' Art based on the Series(we are nerds.)

Trying to avoid spoilery images. Some of these certainly depict events in the book, but don't really spoil anything.








Principal Characters

The tale of the first book, A Game of Thrones, is told through the eyes of 8 POV characters and a one-off prologue POV.
  • Prologue: Will, a man of the Night's Watch (Ancient order sworn to guard "The Wall", an enormous blockade of ice protecting them from... hell, it's been so long THEY don't even remember).
  • Lord Eddard Stark, Warden of the North and Lord of Winterfell, Hand of the King.
  • Lady Catelyn Stark, of House Tully, wife of Eddard Stark.
  • Sansa Stark, elder daughter of Eddard and Catelyn Stark.
  • Arya Stark, younger daughter of Eddard and Catelyn Stark.
  • Bran Stark, middle of three sons of Eddard and Catelyn Stark.
  • Jon Snow, bastard son of Eddard Stark. (Acknowledged bastards of noble houses cannot take their highborn name, and are assigned bastard surnames linked to the region they come from: Waters for King’s Landing and Dragonstone, Snow for the North, Pyke for the Iron Islands, Rivers for the Riverlands, Stone for the Vale, Hill for the Westerlands, Flowers for the Reach, Storm for the Stormlands and Sand for Dorne.)
  • Tyrion Lannister, a dwarf (literal, not a fantasy race), Queen Cersei's brother and son of Lord Tywin Lannister.
  • Daenerys Targaryen, Stormborn, the Princess of Dragonstone and heiress to the Targaryen throne through her older brother Viserys.

We will have point of view chapters from other characters in later books.

Other important characters exist. Many in fact, yet those are revealed through the course of the book, so no sense encumbering you now.




Resource Links

Again, your best bet is to stay away from anything outside of this thread concerning the series. But hey, links!

GRRM's website: The big guy himself. Rarely updated, and straight out of the 90's.
GRRM's blog: His livejournal, in which he describes all the ways in which he's not finishing the god drat book talks about his life, because according to Neil Gaiman, GRRM IS NOT YOUR BITCH :smug:.
Tower of the Hand: Resource with a filter level to help avoid spoilers in books you have not yet read.
Westeros.org: Another fan site. With a roughly obsessive amount of content, and stalker section in which everything GRRM has ever said about the series is cataloged.

Thread Links
STAY AWAY FROM HERE: Unless you've finished the books. The current ASoIaF thread has devolved into a horrible place, for horrible people. You will be hunted for sport. The previous thread is similar.
ALSO STAY AWAY FROM HERE: The TVIV thread, anticipating next Spring's series on HBO. Spoilers have a way of slipping into conversation.

Humor Links
@GRRMpy: Parody twitter account, typically tweeted in response to his LiveJournal entries.
Where's the book, George: GRRM critics.

Details of the Read

Book 1: A Game of Thrones
Week 1, Monday 24 May
Prologue
Bran 1
Catelyn 1
Dany 1
Ned 1
Jon 1
Catelyn 2
Arya 1
Bran 2
Tyrion 1
Jon 2
Dany 2


Week 2, Monday 31 May
Ned 2
Tyrion 2
Catelyn 3
Sansa 1
Ned 3
Bran 3
Catelyn 4
Jon 3
Ned 4
Tyrion 3
Arya 2

Week 3, Monday 7 June
Dany 3
Bran 4
Ned 5
Jon 4
Ned 6
Catelyn 5
Sansa 2
Ned 7
Tyrion 4

Week 4, Monday 14 June
Arya 3
Ned 8
Catelyn 6
Ned 9
Dany 4
Bran 5
Tyrion 5
Ned 10
Catelyn 7
Jon 5

Week 5, Monday 21 June
Tyrion 6
Ned 11
Sansa 3
Ned 12
Dany 5
Ned 13
Jon 6
Ned 14
Arya 4
Sansa 4

Week 6, Monday 28 June
Jon 7
Bran 6
Dany 6
Catelyn 8
Tyrion 7
Sansa 5
Ned 15
Catelyn 9

Week 7, Monday 5 July
Jon 8
Dany 7
Tyrion 8
Catelyn 10
Dany 8
Arya 5

Week 8, Monday 12 July
Bran 7
Sansa 6
Dany 8
Tyrion 9
Jon 9
Catelyn 11
Dany 9

If you get ahead, please spoiler your comments or else you will get probated and/or banned (see above). Please PM/Email viconia@somethingawful.com if you find the timeline is too fast/slow or with any comments.
Details on other book timelines to follow..

Zombie Lincoln fucked around with this message at 04:09 on Jul 31, 2010

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Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
:siren::siren::siren: Week 1 Recap! :siren::siren::siren:
(This was added after the Week 2 recap went in, for uniformity's sake)

Prologue: Three rangers in the Night's Watch track a group of wildling raiders beyond the Wall.

Bran 1: Robb Stark and Jon Snow discover a litter of direwolves, one pup for each of Eddard Stark's six children.

Catelyn 1: Catelyn Tully informs her husband, Eddard, that Jon Arryn, an old friend of Eddard's, has died and that King Robert Baratheon is coming to Winterfell.

Dany 1: Exiled prince Viserys Targaryen sells his sister Daenerys to Khal Drogo of the Dothraki in exchange for an army to take back the Seven Kingdoms.

Ned 1: King Robert and his party arrive in Winterfell; Robert asks Eddard to be the new Hand of the King and promises to wed his son Joffrey to Ned's daughter Sansa.

Jon 1: A feast is held in honor of the king; Tyrion Lannister, brother of the queen and a dwarf, speaks with Jon Snow about being Eddard Stark's bastard son; Jon declares that he wishes to join the Night's Watch.

Catelyn 2: A secret letter from Catelyn's sister Lysa convinces Eddard to go to King's Landing with the king; Lysa claims that Jon Arryn was murdered by the queen.

Arya 1: Failing miserably at her needlework, Arya Stark goes to watch her brothers Robb and Bran practice swords with the princes Joffrey and Tommen, respectively.

Bran 2: Bran accidentally witnesses Queen Cersei Lannister having sex with her twin brother, Ser Jaime Lannister of the Kingsguard; Jaime flings Bran from a tower.

Tyrion 1: Tyrion has breakfast with Cersei and Jaime, noting that Bran lies crippled and in a coma, but unlikely to die from the fall; Tyrion announces his plans to see the Wall.

Jon 2: Before leaving with his uncle Benjen Stark for the Wall, Jon visits with Bran, Robb, and Arya; he gives Arya a small sword named Needle.

Dany 2: Daenerys weds Khal Drogo and is offered many wedding gifts, among them three dragon eggs from Magister Illyrio Mopatis.



Next:

Week 2, Monday 31 May
Ned 2
Tyrion 2
Catelyn 3
Sansa 1
Ned 3
Bran 3
Catelyn 4
Jon 3
Ned 4
Tyrion 3
Arya 2

Zombie Lincoln fucked around with this message at 18:53 on Jun 1, 2010

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

LooseChanj posted:

drat title's too long to add anything!

Perhaps the other thread should be prepended with [SPOILERS!].

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Throwdown posted:

Well, that didn't take long.

Probably want to clear out your quote before the ravens reach the mods.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

jmaze posted:

Just got to read about the Eyrie (sp?) again this morning. That castle is so cool. Are there any pictures of it that GRRM had made for any of the fated calendars or anything?

bengraven posted:

This year's calendar is actually 12 months of just castle paintings. The Eyrie is one of them, I don't believe it's been posted online yet. Just letting you know if you want to see, there will be a calendar.




Yes, yes, and yes.

There is also a nice picture from within the sky cells, but it's mildly spoilery.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

jmaze posted:

Cool. Thanks! Do you have a link to the picture from within the sky cells so I can see it? I wonder if we'll ever find out how they built the drat thing.

Yeah, I agree with Crisco about the prologue. It hooked me, too. I agree that the story gets much much better after you get into the book, but the unexpectedness of how the prologue plays out interested me.

edit: Is the door without a balcony that they "make people fly" from in the picture? I don't see it.

Avoid this link until after you've already been to the Ayrie, of house Arryn. Painting by Komarck of the sky cells.

Not seeing the door as described in the books from this perspective. Perhaps omitted, or on the other side? Or just interpreted differently, and it's the set of doors nearest us.

Zombie Lincoln fucked around with this message at 18:20 on May 19, 2010

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Quid posted:

Started it today, I'm up to a Bran chapter. I have a question, Daenerys' interaction with her brother came off as a little creepy and the OP mentioned sex and rape. How much worse is it gonna get? If this many people like it I'm assuming it doesn't come off as too creepy, right?

Most of the "on camera" sex is kind of disturbing. Thankfully, despite how much we like to joke about it, there's around ~4000 pages of stuff in the series that isn't sex described by GRRM. Just laugh at it.

Or Cry.

Also, Bran IV, Arya II, etc. are how they are generally described. chapter page # and edition could help as well, I guess.

iddqd posted:

The Eyrie sure looks a lot like Neuschwanstein ;)



The artwork in the OP is spectacular, especially the sky cell one. That is an identical representation of how I had it in my head. Although I guess the descriptions were pretty explicit.

God, that's an awesome looking place.


Click here for the full 1600x1200 image.

Zombie Lincoln fucked around with this message at 06:33 on May 20, 2010

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Buck Lodestar posted:

The quality of the prose is not a "decadent" concern for the discerning reader; it's one of the top concerns. Ideas, plot, characters, and anything else you can name, are expressed only so well as the quality of the prose allows. GRRM's prose, to me, is very straightforward and mostly uninspired. On the bright side, as I've said, his prose doesn't tend to "get in the way" of the story itself which makes the book fun, quick, and accessible. The downside to this is that there's not much beneath the surface, making for a relatively superficial text. There's nothing inherently "wrong" with that, it's just an observation.

I take it that most folks feel that GRRM's writing is vastly superior to that of most other fantasy writers; I cannot speak to this type of claim as I don't read any fantasy at all and thus have no points of comparison.

I wonder how much of GRRM's prose might seem straightforward and uninspired as a result of the voice he's using, and how much of that is his writing ability. The Sansa POVs reflect the thoughts and reactions of a nobleman's prissy daughter. The Arya POVs are those of a tom-boy at odds with her older sister. Jon's chapters are those of a bastard born boy, beginning to feel the stinging injustice of how the world treats him. Whereas Tyrion is well aware of the facts of life, and has armored himself in other ways. Each POV offers something different.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Buck Lodestar posted:

Bingo - the best TV series observation is dead-on. I think in my first post I noted that I can definitely see this series turning into a great HBO show.

As for the complexity of the characters, when the reader is provided with every detail of every motivation, every competing emotion, every perspective, etc. that's not complexity of character. That's plot. The novel is very well plotted and the things the characters do and say and think and feel are nothing more than pieces of that plot. Depth of character does not come from fulfilling a plot role, no matter how intricate the plot may become.

I do not disagree with the books reading like a great TV show. He was a TV writer.

I do disagree that every detail of every motivation is bared to all, though. At least some are kept hidden or purposefully omitted, particularly in Eddard's case, though in service to one of the many plots running through the series.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
Magic, as of the time of A Game of Thrones is thought to have died out with the dragons. It's either considered a fading myth, or a lost art.

Maesters are basically Academia. Some studied about magic, but magic is unable to be invoked.

Later stuff is later.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
Week 1 in OP linked to Dendra's opening post. Week 2 unveiled.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Badgers Nadgers posted:

There was a rather amusing Blog of someone reading through AGoT for the first time here:
http://blogoficeandfire.blogspot.com/2009/05/introduction.html

No spoilers in the above link, but obviously as the guy reads through the book (from May 2009 to now) there are.

There aren't spoilers in the blog posts beyond what chapters he was reading at the time, but stay away from the comments. The guy had his friend moderate the comments, and he stayed away from them to try and avoid the spoilers.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

HedgeHodge posted:

So I just read the first forty pages or so of A Game of Thrones, and I'm enjoying the world and amount of detail GRRM fits into his writing, but as a newcomer to the series all of the namedropping, inter-family friendships/conflicts and other polity is difficult to visualize and organize this early on.

Is there some sort of crash course to ASoIF that's spoiler free that I can read to kind of wade into the water rather than being thrown in? Or will I be able to understand everything later if I just power through and put up with my confusion?

Avoid looking at any references. Perhaps a little later I (or someone) will do a writeup of stuff we should know at each point in the reading. In any case, you'll quickly pick up who is who, based on descriptions and personality. Worry not!

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Contra Calculus posted:

George RR Martin must be a really good descriptor of characters because all the art on the OP looks exactly like how I imagined them. Seriously, Jaime Lannister sitting on the iron throne looks exactly how I loving imagined him while reading that section in the book. That's never happened to me in a fantasy story before :)

Who's your guys' favorite character so far? I'm only like 150 pages in, but so far I tend to find Jon Snow the most relatable to me.

You know, hard to answer with a fresh perspective. I likely felt sorry for Jon, and rooted for him, liked Eddard for the reasons you like someone who is good and honorable, and enjoyed reading the Tyrion chapters, because Tyrion is pretty funny.

Daenerys' chapters were interesting as well, if only for the very exotic features of her story.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

kanonvandekempen posted:

We should get some discussion going on the books and this weeks chapters.

Is it anywhere in the series explained what exactly constitutes 'a year'? A year in ASOIAF seems to have the same length as in the real world, but how did they arrive at that length that with the strange seasons they have?

Any specific foreshadowing that anyone noticed on their 2nd or more readthrough? for me it was mostly looking at Jaime's actions in a different light

And Daenerys 2 was quite creepy, seems like I glossed over the fact she was only 13 the first time I read it.

A year is a standard year. Perhaps the Maesters determined this astronomically. It is also possible that the seasons were not always so screwy. GRRM once indicated the reason for the seasons are all fantasy based, and he intends to clue us in on that at some point.

So Spake Martin posted:

What is the cycle of a year? Why do they count years when seasons are strange?

Twelve moon tuns to a year, as on earth. Even on our earth, years have nothing to do with the seasons, or with the cycles of the moon. A year is a measure of a solar cycle, of how long it takes the earth to make one complete revolution around the sun. The same is true for the world of Westeros. Seasons do not come into it.

Are the seasons irregular only in Westeros or also in the eastern continent?

The eastern continent (Essos) is further south than Westeros, and feels the North of the great sweep of the eastern sweep of the eastern lands is a huge ocean, the Shivering Sea. Only Westeros extends to the far north.

Zombie Lincoln fucked around with this message at 16:13 on May 27, 2010

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

SilkyP posted:

I have only ever read AGOT and I'm rereading it now so I can continue on to the other books but I have a question that I've been wondering. It seems like a lot of the main characters are children and I really can't see kids being bad rear end ever. Will this hinder my reading of the series? The thought of 12 year old kids going postal on people is a little hard for me to buy so, do they get markedly older as the books progress or will I have to suspend my disbelief and pretend like children can be badasses?

Aside from people just being less coddled and more active at younger ages in a medieval style setting, I wouldn't worry about that too much.

Some may be bad rear end, but not in quite the way you're worried about. They do age, but not dramatically, really, only a few years so far in the whole series.

EDIT: Also, more, older characters become POVs in later installments.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Karter705 posted:

I just finished rereading the Bran 2 and Tyrion 1 chapters and I was wondering how the hell Tyrion knows (or seems to know) that Jaime and Cersei were involved with Bran's fall? Did he know that they were at the Old Keep?

Pg. 90 on the US paperback, for reference.

I think he is more suspicious than knowing, since they are sitting there acting secretive, exchanging glances, and all that. Given the event of note, he may be probing for more information.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
I've read some people have done this for certain characters. For instance, someone was really taken by Daenerys' story, and read all of her chapters. Her's are mostly seperated from the other perspectives, yet there are still details that get given out in the other POVs that kind of set up information you will receive in her POV. You lose a lot due to how the story is crafted.

In other words,

Hedrigall posted:

Don't do this, don't be dumb.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
The funny thing is you end up wanting to know what happens next with whatever POV you are on. Then the next POV starts peeling back the layers, or advancing the plot of other stuff you are interested in. It is all good.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Quid posted:

Finished the first book. That was not how I anticipated things going. Already breaking into the second book.

Am I the only one who hates coming up to a Caitlyn chapter? Her chapters seem so worthless and annoying to read. I don't know what it is, I just really don't like her chapters. I'd even take creepy Daenerys' chapters over hers.

A lot of people don't like her character, but you get most of your Robb info through her, so you're informed of good stuff happening within her chapters. Look at it that way, I guess.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

therapy posted:

I have modified your post to fit my opinion.

It is known.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

knees of putty posted:

Jon 7. Finally, finally something interesting happenned. Ned is the most incredibly dumb character. The trouble is neither Ned or Sansa are in any way believable. Surely noone could be that stupid? The guy sends away all his troops and then refuses the only reliable offer of support he has? Girl is so naive that she runs off to the sworn enemy of the family and kicks off the "poo poo that hits the fan"? Catelyn causes all kinds of "fan making GBS threads" by taking the son of the most powerful guy in the land on the basis of unsubstantiated circumstantial evidence? Urgh, this is a fun read, but I'm perplexed: the good guys are too dumb to root for.

Re: Ned - Much is made of Ned's honor, and that especially goes for the whole killing of children thing. Ned remembers the smashed and murdered children of Rhaegar and Elia being presented to Robert. Ned has seen Robert's drive to have Daenerys and her child assassinated. Ned has other fears that have weighed him down, and he cannot abide having this done to more children as a result of Robert's rage.

Re: Sansa - Yeah, you kind of want to throttle Sansa after that. But she is naive and dumb. She also doesn't understand that the Queen isn't a good lady, and that Joffrey is really a poo poo. She thinks the problem exists solely with Jaime, who attacked her father. In her ignorance, she thinks she can stay with her beloved prince if only the Queen would intervene. Well, she got her wish!

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
:siren::siren::siren: Week 2 Recap! :siren::siren::siren:

I figured I'd give the Tower of the Hand short description of the chapters due for Week 2 to kick start schedule appropriate discussion, with a few comments.



Ned 2: En route to King's Landing, Eddard and Robert discuss Jon Snow's mother, Daenerys's wedding, and the appointment of Jaime Lannister as Warden of the East in place of Jon Arryn's son, Robert.
  • Another deflection re: Jon's mother (the first being when Catelyn asked about Ashara Dayne long ago). King Robert thinks it was a serving girl.
  • We learn of a disgraced knight who fled the North after trying to sell two poachers to slavers, one Ser Jorah Mormont. To try and win a royal pardon, he is working for the King's spymaster, Varys. Through Jorah, they learn of the marriage between Khal Drogo, and Daenerys. A lot of people miss this.
  • King Robert really hates Targaryens. Especially Rhaegar.
  • Here it is described how Jaime Lannister slew King Aery's II, earning himself the moniker, Kingslayer, earning a million style points, and inspiring this picture:




Tyrion 2: En route to the Wall, Tyrion convinces Jon that life in the Night's Watch will be difficult.
  • We get a history lesson on dragons with cool names like Balerion, Meraxes, and Vhagar, and their role in conquering the Seven Kingdoms for Aegon I.
  • Being a dwarf, Tyrion does nothing much else but read between hang-overs and refractory periods.



Catelyn 3: Catelyn survives an attack by an unknown assailant looking to kill Bran; she decides to take the assassin's dagger to King's Landing to learn who sent the would-be killer.
  • Catelyn has become a bit of a shut-in basket case after Bran's "fall", and ignores roughly everything that needs doing. Not chores or anything, that's servants' work. I mean things like saying "sure", or "go ahead", or "appoint that guy as captain of the guard."
  • Bran's direwolf saves the day. It's almost as if there is some kind of... connection between them!
  • Turns out the dagger was of rare Valyrian steel, worth far too much for a mere cut-throat to possess.
  • Thus Catelyn comes up with the great idea of heading down to King's Landing herself to find out what's going on.
  • If this were twitter, I'm not sure if I'd tag this with #CatelynIdeas or just #StarkIdeas.



Sansa 1: Joffrey takes Sansa out riding, where they encounter Arya playing at swords with a boy; a drunk Joffrey challenges the boy, but is attacked by Arya and his arm is mangled by Arya's direwolf Nymeria.
  • #SansaSucks
  • #JoffreyIsAnAss
  • Intro'd to Ser Ilyn Payne, the King's executioner whose tongue was removed for making comments that King Aerys did not much appreciate.
  • We also meet Ser Barristan the Bold, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, ...
  • ... along with the King's stylish brother, Renly.
  • Arya's direwolf, Nymeria, saves the day. It's almost as if there is some kind of... connection between them!



Ned 3: Arya is brought before the king; Cersei demands that Arya and her wolf be punished for hurting the prince, but Nymeria has run off so the queen settles for Sansa's direwolf, Lady, instead; Eddard kills Lady himself.
  • #CerseiIsABitch
  • #SansaSucks
  • Renly is one of the few people with the appropriate rank and temperment to be able to openly mock Joffrey for being bested by a skinny girl with a stick. "Lion's tooth!"
  • We also get Sandor "The Hound" Clegane finding, riding down, and cleaving near in half poor Mycah. "He ran."



Bran 3: After several cryptic dreams, Bran finally wakes from his coma; he names his direwolf Summer.
  • #GreenDreams
  • Winter is Coming
  • Three-Eyed Crow
  • "His name is Summer."



Catelyn 4: Catelyn arrives in King's Landing and secretly meets with Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish; Petyr reveals that the assassin's dagger belonged to Tyrion Lannister.
  • Heh... "Littlefinger".
  • One of the first mentions of Varys' spynetwork, his "little birds".
  • Let's just get this straight people, it's pronounced, "Peter", and the audio book is flat out wrong. Not joking here. God drat, loving "Pi-taaaaaar".



Jon 3: Jon begins his training at Castle Black; Benjen Stark has gone missing on a ranging beyond the Wall.
  • Jon learns a lesson in humility. Turns out if you beat the gently caress out of everyone in training, they probably won't like you, and will think you are an rear end hole.



Ned 4: Eddard arrives in King's Landing and is shocked to learn that the king wants a tournament held in his honor; Littlefinger takes Eddard to see Catelyn.
  • Small Council: Lords Renly, Petyr, Varys, and Grand Maester Pycelle.
  • FYI, that's may-ster.
  • Turns out the crown is over six million gold pieces in debt, with the largest part owed to Daddy Warbucks, Lord Tywin Lannister.
  • "Hey Eddard, come visit your wife, she's in that whore-house," despite its directness and veracity, is probably not the best way to inform Eddard that... well, his wife is in that whore-house.
  • Eddard senses a storm is brewing, and orders preparations be made in case of war with the Lannisters.
  • Eddard's ward, Theon Greyjoy, is brought up again. He is in essence, Eddard's hostage, but afforded luxury, courtesy, and fairly free living. This is their way of ensuring his dad, Balon Greyjoy behaves himself.
  • The Greyjoy's are of the people known as the Iron Men; a viking-ish, pirat-ish group of sea reavers (hence Greyjoy's motto, "We Do Not Sow").
  • Of course, the Starks wouldn't need to depend on their fleet if it weren't for their ancestor, Brandon the Burner, burning the entire Stark fleet in a fit after his father was lost at sea. I mean, loving really? #StarkIdeas



Tyrion 3: On his last night with the Night's Watch, Tyrion promises Lord Commander Mormont that he will inform his father about the condition of the Wall and he promises Jon Snow to help Bran as he helped Jon.
  • Ser Alliser Thorne cannot take a joke.
  • Maester Aemon:"[Tyrion] is a giant come amongst us."
  • Lord Commander Jeor Mormont laments his old age (68), and worries that he has no suitable successor.
  • Tyrion takes a final glance off The Wall, in the company of Jon.





Arya 2: Eddard comforts Arya over the death of her friend, the death of Sansa's direwolf, and the abandonment of her own wolf; a resolved Arya begins her first sword lesson with Syrio Forel.
  • Eddard discovers Arya's sword, "Needle". She reminds him of his dead sister, Lyanna. She had "the wolf blood", like his brother, Brandon.
  • Eddard enlists an instructor for Arya in Syrio Forel; the first sword of the Sealord of Braavos for nine years. Just so.

And... here we are. Week 3 schedule now unspoilered. Talk about anything up through this point free of spoiler tags!


Next Week: Week 3
Dany 3
Bran 4
Ned 5
Jon 4
Ned 6
Catelyn 5
Sansa 2
Ned 7
Tyrion 4


Previous:

Week 1, Monday 24 May

Zombie Lincoln fucked around with this message at 20:44 on Jun 14, 2010

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
It's entirely possible that I'm the one confused. I didn't come up with the time-line (was edited in to my post), and I was assuming those dates were the "due dates".

Viconia, are they supposed to be the start dates, or due dates?

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Dendra posted:

They're meant to be the start dates.

Whelp!

On the plus side, there are way worse places to make that kind of mistake!

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Locus posted:

poo poo I just read that blog for like an hour instead of working. It's really good, but he (much like GRRM) needs to get back to writing it.

Unfortunately you miss out on the ever changing top ten, or power rankings. Seriously, dude needs to get back on this thing.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

knees of putty posted:

Not at all. Prophecy is a problem because it's lazy. The author no longer has to provide a motivation apart from "the old crone told me he would be king/emporer/saviour/whatever".

Not sure why that was spoilered. In any case, you are kind of assuming that a prophecy means events are set in stone. Perhaps they are reflections of possible futures. Perhaps they have no more power than what people who believe grant them. Perhaps they are partially true, or misinterpreted.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

knees of putty posted:

Anyway, finished. Enjoyable light entertainment. I was expecting more lemon cakes though, what gives?

There are still over 3,000 pages of the story left for you, my friend, and any number of those pages could have lemon cakes.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

zacd posted:

So I just finished the tourney in GoT. Who do you feel is the most talented fighter/warrior at this point? Gregor seems pretty loving scary, with all of the stories/rumors of him killing his family and burning the Hound's face. The Knight of Flowers also seems right up there, mainly because he's smart. Selmy didn't participate in the tourney but Ned said he's pretty dope.

Thing is, those sorts of matchups always depend on circumstance.

Loras might be the best jouster, for instance, but Jaime would take the boy to school in a sword fight.

Does that mean either of them could take The Mountain? His sheer physical size, reach, and armor might render any swordsmanship moot.

Anyways, at this point I'd probably say either Drogo or Jaime would be the most talented fighter. Jaime is frequently described as the best sword, and Khal Drogo is the most powerful war leader of a nation of warriors.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Karter705 posted:

Victarion hasn't appeared in the series thus far, though. However, even at this point in GoT, I am hesitant to say that Jaime is the best swordsman; he is certainly the most renowned...but he doesn't actually fight all that often (outside of tournaments, I mean). I would think someone on the Wall or an unknown mercenary, like Bronn, would actually be better since they are constantly in life and death fights.

The Kingslayer's history as a warrior hasn't been expounded upon too much at this point in the book, but I'm pretty sure his reputation is deserved. The Night's watch, and mercernaries aren't constantly fighting for their lives either, since it's a relatively peaceful time in the realm. Jaime has had the best training available to him his entire life, and his opponents have tended to be knights who have also had good training available to them.

That being said, the Dothraki have a culture centered on warfare, sacking, pillaging, and other -ing's. I think Drogo may be more talented from living a life of warfare, rather than a life of tourney's with the occasional bout sprinkled in.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
That's my intention! You are correct, left a week gap, since I got a little ahead.

Also, the teaser is up for HBO's Game of Thrones!

http://www.hbo.com/#/game-of-thrones

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."
:siren::siren::siren: Week 3 Recap! :siren::siren::siren:

Dany 3: As Dany further adapts to the Dothraki lifestyle, she finds herself drifting apart from her rigid brother Viserys; Dany acknowledges that she is pregnant.
  • Saddle sore from riding all day (... and being ridden all night :quagmire: ).
  • After a brief bout of depression and suicidal thoughts, Dany accepts her life and starts going native...
  • ... unlike her brother, who is about to get violent with Dany when Jhogo whips him around the neck. Dany strips him of his horse, forcing him to walk. This is a huge insult in Dothraki culture.
  • Viserys should change his personal slogan from a demanding, "Don't wake the dragon!" to a whimpering, "Don't walk the dragon!"
  • Dragon eggs warming up.
  • 14 year old Dany gets pregnant. :pedo:

Bran 4: Bran listens to Old Nan recount a tale about the Others when Tyrion Lannister returns to Winterfell, bearing a gift for the crippled boy.
  • Old Nan is apparently kin to Hodor (Hodor!)
  • Robb has been putting on his Lord face, as the Stark in Winterfell.
  • Old Nan tells stories. The Wall & Winterfell - raised by Stark ancestor Brandon the Builder. The Others - Thousands of years ago the harshest winter ever known came, and after a generation of cold the Others swept through Westeros until "the last hero" enlisted the aid of the children of the forest.
  • Bran, being paralyzed, uses a popular method of transportation amongst the privileged: Enormous Retards.
  • Tyrion drops by, and despite being rudely received makes good on his promise to Jon, and helps Bran by handing over designs to a special saddle Bran can use to ride Hodor a horse. :horse:

Ned 5: Eddard interviews Grand Maester Pycelle about the death of Jon Arryn; later, Littlefinger informs Eddard about people who might have additional information, including Jon Arryn's squire.
  • Investigating Jon Arryn's death, Eddard learns that Jon became ill after dropping by to collect a book on the genealogies of the Great Houses.
  • Grand Maester Pycelle sent Arryn's personal Maester, Colemon, away for fear that purging his stomach would kill him.
  • "The seed is strong." :gizz:
  • Poison is a woman's weapon. :wink:
  • Cersei and her children were visiting Casterly Rock at the time.
  • Petyr finds that there are four member's of Jon's household still around after Jon's wife, Lysa, fled to the Eyrie.
  • Eddard: "My bad bro, should have trusted you."
  • Petyr: "Psyyyyyyche!" :iceburn:

Jon 4: Samwell Tarly, a coward forced to join the Night's Watch by his father, arrives at the Wall; Jon convinces the trainees to help Sam avoid mistreatment at the hands of Ser Alliser Thorne.
  • Jon has been taking charge of the new recruits, training them rather than beating the living poo poo out of them.
  • Fat Samwisewell GamgeeTarly joins the group of misfits, and Ser Alliser instructs the recruits to gently caress him up old school, until Jon , followed by Pyp and Grenn, stand up for him.
  • Life at Castle Black: Training and varied chores.
  • Benjen is still missing.
  • Sam tells Jon the hosed up story of how his father, Lord Randyll, disinherited him out of disgust, forcing him to join the Night's Watch to clear the way for his brother, Dickon, to become heir.
  • Dareon's voice is honey poured over thunder.
  • Toad's voice is piss poured over a fart.

Ned 6: Eddard's investigation leads him to Gendry, a boy apprenticed to an armorer; Jon Arryn and Stannis Baratheon had previously visited the boy, who, as Eddard discovers, is an unwitting bastard of King Robert.
  • Everyone's coming into town for the Royal Rumble, aka, The Tournament of the Hand.
  • Browsing The Lineages and Histories of the Great Houses of the Seven Kingdoms, he checks out the entry on Lannister: Lann the Clever, a trickster from the Age of Heroes, supposedly tricked House Casterly out of Casterly Rock, and stole gold from the sun to brighten his hair.:fyadride:
  • Interviews with Arryn's old servants yielded up that Stannis Baratheon, and Jon had visited an armorer, and a brothel.
  • Intro to the Lightning Lord, Beric Dondarrion, arrived to take part in the tournament.
  • Turns out Stannis and Jon were visiting the armorer's apprentice, Gendry. Turns out Gendry's mom's baby-daddy was King Robert, evidenced by Gendry being his spitting image.
  • Robert has a lot of bastards, so why did Jon and Stannis care... ?

Catelyn 5: Close to her home in Riverrun, Catelyn decides to spend the night at an inn; Tyrion Lannister arrives at the same inn shortly after, prompting Cat to accuse him of attempted murder and take him captive.
  • She was pretty clever in how she accomplished this, but still.
  • #CatelynIdeas

Sansa 2: Sansa attends the Hand's tournament, where she witnesses the death of a young knight during a joust with Gregor Clegane; after the night's feast, Sandor Clegane escorts Sansa back to the Red Keep.

  • GREGOR flat out kills a rival while jousting. Convenient, as that's just one of the men Eddard was after to talk to.
  • Loras, the Knight of Flowers, struts around in his fabulous armor, with a precious cloak of roses. He gives different pretty girls white roses after every victory, and upon his final victory gives a red rose to Sansa.

  • Later, Joffrey sends his "dog" to escort Sansa back to her room. Sandor :woof: drunkenly vents his disdain for knights and their vows. He also lets her know just how he lost half his face to burns: When a young child, he took one of GREGOR's cast aside toys. GREGOR reacted by shoving his face onto a burning brazier.:laugh:


Ned 7: Eddard dissuades the king from participating in the melee; Varys later reveals that Cersei intended to have Robert murdered during the event in an "accident;" Varys also confirms that Jon Arryn was poisoned by the knight who died the previous day.
  • Though drunk when Robert decided he wanted to do it, he's as :black101: as ever, and wants to enter the grand melee. Of course, he can't fit into his armor, so that's that.
  • Eddard is troubled by Robert's squires both being Lannisters.
  • Robert has a midlife crisis.
  • Reflections on how it was Gregor who dashed Prince Rhaegar's infant son, Aegon, against a wall, and raped and killed his wife, Elia.

  • Loras uses a mare in heat to make GREGOR's stallion wild and unruly. Allowing "expert jouster" Loras to unseat The Mountain.
  • GREGOR SMASH!
  • Sandor stops GREGOR's rampage, and a command from the King sends GREGOR storming off.
  • Thoros of Myr wins the grand melee. He also likes to light his swords aflame with wildfire for dramatic effect.

  • Later, Eddard muses on what he's been learning. Why were Stannis and Jon so interested in Robert's many bastards? We've learned of Gendry, and now we hear of a seventeen year old girl in the Vale, and an acknowledged bastard being raised at Storm's End, Renly's keep.
  • Varys shows off his costuming skills. Clues Ned in that Robert would have been killed during the melee had Eddard not help talk him out of it. Also reveals that Arryn was killed by The Tears of Lys, and suggests that it was Ser Hugh, the recently impaled knight who squired for Jon. Whelp.

Tyrion 4: Catelyn Tully is bringing Tyrion to the Eyrie, the residence of her sister Lysa; accompanying them on the dangerous path are various knights and sell-swords and a singer; Tyrion finds a flaw in Littlefinger's story about the dagger.
  • Catelyn pulls a fast one, having exclaimed they were headed to Winterfell, but instead taking the high road to the Vale of Arryn.
  • Tyrion does not like being one-upped.
  • Apparently Petyr has been bragging about taking Catelyn's "Maidenhead". Catelyn disagrees.
  • Tyrion "never bets against his family," casting doubt onto Petyr's tale that he Tyrion won the dagger after having bet against Jaime.


Next Week: Week 4
Arya 3
Ned 8
Catelyn 6
Ned 9
Dany 4
Bran 5
Tyrion 5
Ned 10
Catelyn 7
Jon 5

Previous: Week 2

Zombie Lincoln fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Jun 21, 2010

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Viola the Mad posted:

This is my second reread, and I gotta say, I should have done this long ago. It's fascinating to figure out what was planned, what was coincidence but was worked into someone's plan anyway, and what was plain coincidence.

I'm sure Jon Arryn was purposely killed just when he had made his very important discovery. I think his squire's death is coincidence because the Mountain That Rapes is a vicious rear end in a top hat who needs to be put down.

The Mountain killing Ser Hugh during the joust might be coincidence, or just as Ned wonders in that chapter... was it a Lannister order? Bear in mind, Sandor thought his brother capable of putting that lance wherever he wanted, but his thoughts on motivation are different than Ned's thoughts on the subject.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Paper Lion posted:

Are wild predictions allowed from first time readers in this thread? I have one I want to make about Jon Arryn looking for bastards but I also don't wanna get banned for doing it.

Genuine discussion is encouraged! If you are uncomfortable, or don't want to spoil what you think may be something to come, you can always throw it under some spoiler tags and label it as speculation.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Paper Lion posted:

Well, I haven't been spoiled much about these books, only that Sean Bean's reputation for dying will be upheld come 2011 >.> so otherwise this is based purely off what I have read, but I think Jon is looking at bastards because Joffrey an possibly the other kids are actually Jaime's, what with the whole twin loving thing we saw in the tower, so he was seeking some form of rightful heir when he got assassinated to allow the Lannisters full access to the throne.

Also gently caress that shady gay guy, Tyrion is so innocent, he never bets against his family :(

Interesting speculation, though keep in mind that it would be unnecessary to look for an heir in one of Robert's bastards, as the right of succession would pass to one of Robert's brothers.

Checking out Robert's bastards must yield something else. :D

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Paper Lion posted:

Well, his brothers aren't anything a little Tears of Lys couldn't fix...

Also gently caress yeah Bronn gonna murder for Tyrion because he's a pimp and pimps stick together.

Where does come from if everyone in the bad thread has it? :confused:

The author, GRRM, hasn't been very timely with the release of this next book. Aside from going on at length in his blogs about football, or this, or that... it seemed the only work he was doing was editing and releasing stories in the shared universe of "Wild Cards".

In a fit of self loathing, we collectively saw it fit to brand ourselves with such a tag.


Mex posted:

I don't know what you did or if Opera doesn't process "spoiler" tags correctly, but the spoiler you posted was in black background and white letters, ie not hidden at all, and I just read it.

Other than banning yourself, can you confirm if that was just an example spoiler or is that true?

Spoiler tags are black text on black background, which turn white when you hover over them - and that's how what you quoted appears to be behaving. Opera may not have processed them correctly. I wouldn't sweat what you read. Just avoid spoilers - there's plenty of stuff that goes on in these books to keep you happy.

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Bizob posted:

He also doesn't really have notes / an outline and everything is getting written on some ancient computer with each chapter on its own floppy disk or something.

Each POV is on it's own floppy disk... :eng101:

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

Ryouga Inverse posted:

I have a feeling this is heading to bad thread territory and I'm not even trying...

Probably right. Let us converse about the books that actually exist!

Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

the last signal... posted:

Small question.

The book keeps using the term 'name day'. Am I correct in assuming this is the day they were given a name, so maybe a few years after they were born?

The reason I ask this is everyone seems so young. In the beginning of one of the Bran chapters it says "it would almost be his 8th name day, he'd almost be a man" or something like that. Almost a man at 8?

Or does everyone just mature super quickly?

quick edit: Loving the book so far though.

Name day is just the westeros analog to birthday. Though you may save yourself some :psyduck: if you pretend they are all a few years older.

Also, bran is just a kid, and all kids think they are more mature than they really are.

edit:

Nerd Watch posted:

Yeah, my bad on contributing to the derail there.

Question - (potential mild spoiler for AGOT) was the purpose of the bastard investigation plot revealed in AGOT, or does it appear in a later book? I've only read the first book, but now that we're discussing it I can't remember if there was any resolution or not - if so, I must've skimmed over it. :downs:

Since there is no genetic testing, analyzing the results of Baratheon offspring (especially with Lannister) was the way they tried to determine if Joffrey and his siblings were actually Robert's. Since Robert's bastards looked like him, they were going to use them to reinforce the claim that Joffrey was not Robert's son.

Zombie Lincoln fucked around with this message at 05:21 on Jun 17, 2010

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Zombie Lincoln
Sep 7, 2006
The master of all things GRRM!

"His manhood glistened wetly..."

jassi007 posted:

One thing I find curious is that there don't seem to be many titles in this feudal society. There is King/Queen, Lord/Lady, and Ser. From what I can figure there doesn't seem to be a hierarchy like duke, baron, etc.

Having trouble coming up with the source, but in an interview GRRM mentioned how at certain points in Europe's feudal societies there weren't as many titles. As time went on, more were added to the mix.

  • Locked thread