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Tristor
May 28, 2005

USER FOREVER BANNED UNTIL DUKE NUKEM FOREVER IS RELEASED
I came out of the woodwork after a long sabbatical to say holy poo poo, Caro, you need help man. I'm no fan of the police, but drat dude, you've got some issues. You seem intelligent, and are at least lucid, if not grounded in reality.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the entire profession of psychiatry, but I can honestly say that you are one person that needs some help. You are definitely not another misdiagnosis of ADHD waiting to happen. You are delusional, you need help.

I mean, quite frankly, just reading this thread has caused me to challenge my own beliefs about the evils of police/psychiatry, because knowing people like you exist untreated in the world is far scarier and surreal than thinking about all the minute possibilities for bad poo poo happening from corrupt cops or bad doctors.

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Gravity Pike
Feb 8, 2009

I find this discussion incredibly bland and disinteresting.
You know what? No. I'm not going to taunt Caro about his obvious mental health issues.

Dude, you're paranoid, and those sounds you can hear aren't caused by radio waves. You've got classic signs of schizophrenia, and it's not funny, it's terrible. I am so sorry you have to live with that.

There's an A/T thread about living with schizophrenia. Maybe you should check it out.

Gravity Pike fucked around with this message at 09:25 on Jun 22, 2010

grover
Jan 23, 2002

PEW PEW PEW
:circlefap::circlefap::circlefap:
:circlefap::circlefap::circlefap:
:circlefap::circlefap::circlefap:
:circlefap::circlefap::circlefap:
:circlefap::circlefap::circlefap:
:circlefap::circlefap::circlefap:

Caro posted:

Somebody tell me how to ignore these guys so I can force them all to register new accounts.

Caro posted:

Lowtax, you owe me for all of these registrations happening up in this piece. My free lecture series probably just netted you a few hundred, easily.
I hate to break it to you, but nobody's going to register new accounts just because you put them on ignore.

Also, it's fun to watch what people are posting behind your back, now that you're not looking :monocle:

No Butt Stuff
Jun 10, 2004

Tristor posted:

I came out of the woodwork after a long sabbatical to say holy poo poo, Caro, you need help man. I'm no fan of the police, but drat dude, you've got some issues. You seem intelligent, and are at least lucid, if not grounded in reality.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the entire profession of psychiatry, but I can honestly say that you are one person that needs some help. You are definitely not another misdiagnosis of ADHD waiting to happen. You are delusional, you need help.

I mean, quite frankly, just reading this thread has caused me to challenge my own beliefs about the evils of police/psychiatry, because knowing people like you exist untreated in the world is far scarier and surreal than thinking about all the minute possibilities for bad poo poo happening from corrupt cops or bad doctors.

Caro, this is coming from the guy who had one of the largest callout threads in helldump history.

And he's right.

Caro
Sep 15, 2003
RISE... FROM YOUR GRAVE

No Butt Stuff posted:

Caro, this is coming from the guy who had one of the largest callout threads in helldump history.

And he's right.

I'm not seeing the crazy parts, just the wicked stupid parts where people retard cop squad demonstrated just how smart they really are. Answer? Small dog. Can you quote me?

grover posted:

I hate to break it to you, but nobody's going to register new accounts just because you put them on ignore.

Also, it's fun to watch what people are posting behind your back, now that you're not looking :monocle:

OHHH poo poo NOOOOO! RETARD COPS PEOPLE ON THE INTERNETS! I need to unignore them so I know what they are up to except no free replays. I'm still REALLY hoping, though. =) My favorite part is seeing all the usual police 'haranguing questioning session / interrogation tactics' utterly failing in a text environment with time stamps. It just goes to show what complete slime-balls they are because they do not extract truth. They extract fatigue-errors that mean about as much as Freud's cigar.

edit: You know, you could probably shoot asterisks at me or something. I could try to find a picture of a dog to attach to my next post? Whatever, going to work. Ciao!

They're complete con artists. Through and through. Jesus. It sure would be nice to think that they are magic super-crime-fighters instead of just sort of extremely doofy and felonious, but, well... yeah. No. They focus on screwing regular people like you and me.

Man, I feel like Cuba Gooding Jr. in Pearl Harbor.

edit: Just you wait until it dawns on them that they are going to prison. :) Now THAT will be good. I think we may actually see some begging! Hahaha. Yeah. No mercy.

Gravity Pike posted:

You know what? No. I'm not going to taunt Caro about his obvious mental health issues.

Dude, you're paranoid, and those sounds you can hear aren't caused by radio waves. You've got classic signs of schizophrenia, and it's not funny, it's terrible. I am so sorry you have to live with that.

There's an A/T thread about living with schizophrenia. Maybe you should check it out.

If I had schizophrenia wouldn't I also lack the ability to comprehend the thread? I wish it had happened on these forums but one of your/their dudes said that I had 'dopamine resistance (I'm guessing he was a fatty who was doing a lot of insulin resistance / type II diabetes reading)' and needed 'isolation and a lack of stimulation to restore my dopamine response' which means he wanted to sendep / stress position torture me until I assented to whatever they wanted. You know, to treat my medical condition that his middle school education qualified him to diagnose. At least it's catchier than University_Name-itis.

Oh poo poo! oooh poo poo! I'm.. I'm hearing some kind of acoustic sound.. it's.. it's.. my MP3 player holy poo poo! Oh my god, WTF! Oh, and at the end of the day you are going to have to explain that long episode where you thought I was sending you messages through my playlist (I believe you/yours said it was because "oooh you always like thinking you are smarter than everyone, don't you!?!" as your inferiority complex kicked in. God drat the ignorant who fights to keep everybody else down too). No joke. See, that's what happens when you let crazy people work surveillance.

edit: secret police hint: Sigh. Secret police wasn't intended as double entendre, but hey, it works. I actually just like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Abey Sinclair posted:

I wouldn't bother waiting around for that boxing match, seeing as the federal authorities have already been in contact with me and the rest of Something Awful LLC in regards to Caro. It's probably never going to happen.

Closing the thread until I hear from legal.

Listen very carefully. They are DESPERATE. This has been going on for a very long time. Since 2004 with strong circumstantial evidence for earlier operations. Extort the hell out of them for whatever services they want. Get an attorney IMMEDIATELY. A very good one, not some pushover. You'll need somebody with a good stout will so they don't just steamroll you with some bullshit. Take them for the remainder of their war chest. gently caress them. gently caress them right in the ear, Na'vi style, with your freaky SA Na'vi dong.

Caro fucked around with this message at 16:17 on Jun 22, 2010

titler
Feb 18, 2005

Caro posted:

If I had schizophrenia wouldn't I also lack the ability to comprehend the thread?

No. You would be otherwise normal and possibly even intelligent, but you would be deluded into believing that people are out to get you. Which pretty much describes every single post you've ever made on the forums.

Neophyte
Apr 23, 2006

perennially
Taco Defender
Schizophrenia is weird as gently caress. It seems to not only cause hallucinations, but one of the more subtle things it does is crank our brains' pattern-recognition into overdrive. Pattern recognition is extremely powerful and hardwired into us. Babies can recognize faces virtually directly after birth - they can focus on a human face (or shapes resembling such) long before they can, say, stop making GBS threads themselves. So when this innate ability gets turned up to 11 by an mental illness, it's nearly impossible to resist how "obvious" the pattern is. Random events and coincidences mean something, like God or Satan or the CIA is giving them secret messages.

For Caro, it's a vast conspiracy against him. It's not a disparate group of people all separately making fun of him because he's writing crazy stuff and we're on a comedy internet forum. Nope, the posts are clearly more evidence of the vast police effort to discredit him. It's so mentally compelling, so obvious, that he can't dislodge the delusion by using logic or common sense. It's just too deep in the brain to stop. Couple that with the creepy sensory hallucinations that schizophrenia can cause, and is it any wonder that schizophrenics have such a hard time realizing they're ill and seeking treatment?

I feel sorry for him, he can't help it. We can only hope someone close to him, who he will listen to despite the delusions, will convince him to get the help he needs.

Caro - I'm not a cop. Get help, you're ill.

Caro
Sep 15, 2003
RISE... FROM YOUR GRAVE
Oh, god. I hate all of you. You always go with the more comfortable solution even when every indication screams otherwise. You're a worthless human being for this reason. Listen to me. They (including this guy here, probably definitely- his idiomatic use of spoiler quotes is identical to my own. He's reading my post history. They're adapting! (borg noises)) are desperately trying to discredit me and cover their tracks. I'm no longer going to bat this one around with them as it will only give them more moves to accomplish their objective in. gently caress this poo poo, I say.

Neophyte posted:

Schizophrenia is weird as gently caress. It seems to not only cause hallucinations, but one of the more subtle things it does is crank our brains' pattern-recognition into overdrive. Pattern recognition is extremely powerful and hardwired into us. Babies can recognize faces virtually directly after birth - they can focus on a human face (or shapes resembling such) long before they can, say, stop making GBS threads themselves. So when this innate ability gets turned up to 11 by an mental illness, it's nearly impossible to resist how "obvious" the pattern is. Random events and coincidences mean something, like God or Satan or the CIA is giving them secret messages.

For Caro, it's a vast conspiracy against him. It's not a disparate group of people all separately making fun of him because he's writing crazy stuff and we're on a comedy internet forum. Nope, the posts are clearly more evidence of the vast police effort to discredit him. It's so mentally compelling, so obvious, that he can't dislodge the delusion by using logic or common sense. It's just too deep in the brain to stop. Couple that with the creepy sensory hallucinations that schizophrenia can cause, and is it any wonder that schizophrenics have such a hard time realizing they're ill and seeking treatment?

I feel sorry for him, he can't help it. We can only hope someone close to him, who he will listen to despite the delusions, will convince him to get the help he needs.

Caro - I'm not a cop. Get help, you're ill.

Caro fucked around with this message at 16:55 on Jun 22, 2010

Rotten Red Rod
Mar 5, 2002

Caro posted:

Oh, god. I hate all of you. You always go with the more comfortable solution even when every indication screams otherwise. You're a worthless human being for this reason. Listen to me. They (including this guy here, probably definitely- his idiomatic use of spoiler quotes is identical to my own. He's reading my post history. They're adapting! (borg noises)) are desperately trying to discredit me and cover their tracks. I'm no longer going to bat this one around with them as it will only give them more moves to accomplish their objective in. gently caress this poo poo, I say.
Why would any government agency care at all about you enough to go to great lengths to discredit you? I fail to see what is so important about you.

Muffinpox
Sep 7, 2004

Railoc posted:

Why would any government agency care at all about you enough to go to great lengths to discredit you? I fail to see what is so important about you.

That doesn't work, he's spent a lot of time making this conspiracy up and will come up with something. You cant really outreason someone with paranoid schizophrenia because if you don't agree with their assertions, you are one of "them" and out to get the person or just a blind ignoramus. Someone he knows will need to get him help, because this thread is basically just going for the ride.

Downtown Abey
Feb 14, 2002
Grover & Hagetaka, check your PMs and the private forum please re: Caro.

invision
Mar 2, 2009

I DIDN'T GET ENOUGH RAPE LAST TIME, MAY I HAVE SOME MORE?
this whole thread is one big mindfuck

SneakySnake
Feb 5, 2006

by Y Kant Ozma Post
From the TFR thread linked earlier:

Caro posted:

My family turned their back on me when this all started. I wasn't even able to extract ONE family favor. In fact, the only communication I got basically indicated their cooperation with the enemy. I did not have a happy home life. CIA parents are lousy because of that 'must be a sociopath' bit in their job description. Children are deliberately damaged during development to facilitate expression of traits that will make them more effective in the field. Things like sexual promiscuity induced by rape and destruction of normal boundaries while maintaining a high level knowledge of these social boundaries so as to easily negotiate them.

I don't know if there will be an endgame. I thought I could force a conclusion in 2005 and was utterly incorrect. It's been pretty brutal since then, but I'm sure they can make it MORE brutal. They haven't even gotten out the waterboard yet.

There WAS a babysitter who decided to educate me about the cooch when I was.. I dunno, 3? I think everybody has at least one thing like that. If there was a strong sexual abuse component to the prescribed course of conditioning my folks skipped mine. Largely. Beatings that end up pummeling the genitals don't count.

No. Just brutal physical and emotional abuse. She was one of those moms that believed in the 'I had a bad day at work beatdown'. She also would pick her anus with her fingers before scratching my sinuses with them.

Maybe the mod challenge should just be changed to a permaban if he doesn't complete the psychiatrist option?

redscare
Aug 14, 2003
It takes a special kind of crazy to translate child abuse into a CIA plot.

The kind that shouldn't be allowed to own firearms.

Rotten Red Rod
Mar 5, 2002

Muffinpox posted:

That doesn't work, he's spent a lot of time making this conspiracy up and will come up with something. You cant really outreason someone with paranoid schizophrenia because if you don't agree with their assertions, you are one of "them" and out to get the person or just a blind ignoramus. Someone he knows will need to get him help, because this thread is basically just going for the ride.
I know it won't, but I still feel compelled to try, if only for my own morbid interest in how he'll rationalize a response to me. I don't have any illusions of being able to help him or affect him in any way.

And he's probably ignored me at this point anyway.

Gunshow Poophole
Sep 14, 2008

OMBUDSMAN
POSTERS LOCAL 42069




Clapping Larry
Why the fascination with the word "extract"?

permabanned
Aug 12, 2008

優しい野菜

Caro posted:

Oh, god. I hate all of you. You always go with the more comfortable solution even when every indication screams otherwise. You're a worthless human being for this reason. Listen to me. They (including this guy here, probably definitely- his idiomatic use of spoiler quotes is identical to my own. He's reading my post history. They're adapting! (borg noises)) are desperately trying to discredit me and cover their tracks. I'm no longer going to bat this one around with them as it will only give them more moves to accomplish their objective in. gently caress this poo poo, I say.

Hello, Caro,

I have downloaded and read both of the articles, and it did cost me a [small]big[/small] load of money, since I'm only subscribed to SSC/ComSoc/Microelectronics, I am not convinced that the here-above discussed method can do something similar to what you are stating.
Tomorrow I'll speak with one of MW engineers and show him the papers, since everybody is gone now (7.45PM), to have a definite opinion on it.

In any case, Caro, considering an infinitesimally small probability that you are right. You can't change anything, because it's the fate of all complex systems - FSB in Russia have transformed in a paralegal organization that trades heroin for a part of their money source, and no-one can stop them or do anything against it, because it's a structural disease - when state-controlled systems outlive their usefulness they tend to live and perpetuate by themselves, as long as they can justify even a small bit of their activity.
In a short term you cannot influence this process, in a long term, hypothetically working all your life and creating a kind of megacorporation you could do something.

If you don't like it - move to another country.

And get counseling for the 'rape' thing in your post, if you were subjected to it.

No Butt Stuff
Jun 10, 2004

I really want to know what the feds are telling SA, LLC.

titler
Feb 18, 2005

No Butt Stuff posted:

I really want to know what the feds are telling SA, LLC.

Probably something like "we believe he may be dangerous, please do not encourage him." If that's not what they're saying, they should be saying it.

Good Citizen
Aug 12, 2008

trump trump trump trump trump trump trump trump trump trump

Pacific Rim Job posted:

Probably something like "we believe he may be dangerous, please do not encourage him." If that's not what they're saying, they should be saying it.

Crazy guy believes he's being followed by the feds and acts so crazy that the feds start following him. Yay irony

Closet Cyborg
Jan 1, 2008
Our love will rust this world
If Caro keeps putting people who disagree with him on ignore, isn't he just going to end up shouting into a thread that appears empty from his perspective? Just pages and pages of him quoting people that never spoke and railing against persecutors that no longer answer. I usually try to avoid setting up situations that provide chilling metaphors for my own mental state.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose

Closet Cyborg posted:

If Caro keeps putting people who disagree with him on ignore, isn't he just going to end up shouting into a thread that appears empty from his perspective?

It'll match the rest of his life, then.

No Butt Stuff
Jun 10, 2004

Pacific Rim Job posted:

Probably something like "we believe he may be dangerous, please do not encourage him." If that's not what they're saying, they should be saying it.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Well, nevermind then.

thats not candy
Mar 10, 2010

Hell Gem

Pacific Rim Job posted:

Probably something like "we believe he may be dangerous, please do not encourage him." If that's not what they're saying, they should be saying it.

It is never a good idea to encourage or provoke someone with paranoid delusions. I know this is a comedy site filled with socially inept goons like myself, but I'm still surprised this thread got as far as it did.

titler
Feb 18, 2005
I thought it was a just a troll until I read his post history. How has he gotten away with posting this insanity for so long?

\/\/ Not been permabanned? That way when he snaps and hurts someone, he has nothing to do with SA.

titler fucked around with this message at 20:52 on Jun 22, 2010

Transgendered Squirrel
Aug 14, 2004

by Peatpot

Pacific Rim Job posted:

I thought it was a just a troll until I read his post history. How has he gotten away with posting this insanity for so long?

What do you mean gotten away with?

hobbesmaster
Jan 28, 2008

Pacific Rim Job posted:

Probably something like "we believe he may be dangerous, please do not encourage him." If that's not what they're saying, they should be saying it.

Perhaps we should just go back to EE chat. Maybe complaining about the costs of IEEE journal subscriptions and society membership?

Ashrik
Feb 9, 2009

WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Transgendered Squirrel posted:

What do you mean gotten away with?
Don't most paranoid schizo posters, or those who fake it, get banned sooner rather than later? I remember there being one around the time I finally registered who would annotate nearly all of his posts with crazy conspiracy sources. While it was very entertaining from my perspective, all he got was a pretty funny message in the leper's colony to match his permaban. Something about a set of numbers = banning this character is only half of what must be done.

Caro
Sep 15, 2003
RISE... FROM YOUR GRAVE
You need to work on your reading comprehension.

permabanned posted:

Hello, Caro,

I have downloaded and read both of the articles, and it did cost me a [small]big[/small] load of money, since I'm only subscribed to SSC/ComSoc/Microelectronics, I am not convinced that the here-above discussed method can do something similar to what you are stating.
Tomorrow I'll speak with one of MW engineers and show him the papers, since everybody is gone now (7.45PM), to have a definite opinion on it.

In any case, Caro, considering an infinitesimally small probability that you are right. You can't change anything, because it's the fate of all complex systems - FSB in Russia have transformed in a paralegal organization that trades heroin for a part of their money source, and no-one can stop them or do anything against it, because it's a structural disease - when state-controlled systems outlive their usefulness they tend to live and perpetuate by themselves, as long as they can justify even a small bit of their activity.
In a short term you cannot influence this process, in a long term, hypothetically working all your life and creating a kind of megacorporation you could do something.

If you don't like it - move to another country.

And get counseling for the 'rape' thing in your post, if you were subjected to it.

Caro
Sep 15, 2003
RISE... FROM YOUR GRAVE
Welp. So much for that boxing match. Let me know if Kang Nai Shu comes online. Again. These men and women who are desperately and very deliberately, in an extremely calculated fashion, misinterpreting the things I post, making assumptions and compounding their remarks, and omitting things altogether in order to straw man me and you are all cops. They're trying cold read after cold read, and stupid probe after stupid probe because I guess they just have too much money. They've actually switched to compound styles of questioning. They are predators.

To hell with all of them. I endure. Always. We're not stupid, we proles. We know what you are and what you do. You are going to pay for your crimes after you are sentenced in a court of law, and then you are going to jail. You reap what you sow.

Cmdr. Shepherd, let me know if you are go. I don't want these guys killing me in private gladiatorial combat with their other slaves before I've had a chance to box you. It would make my day.

They are full of poo poo and have been at this since 2004. Let that one bake your noodle for a while. Early July. That is when their first raid happened.

Notice any patterns to the things they're saying? And no going OOOOH! Pattern recognition he must be schizo I was right! Because guess what, normal people have to be able to pull that trick too. It's called thinking and noticing something. Please don't fall for these guys' gimmicks. I'm still safe because I'm not in one of their private prisons. We'll see what happens next. I am telling you that they are trying to defend and conceal their criminal rackets and have to be stopped. See how they are now taking my most far out low-probability speculation regarding what is happening and presenting it like belief #1? Seriously, how many posts did I talk about that in? They are setting me up the bomb. They aren't the loving good guys this time. That tin is fraudulent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OlCVNn9ZeY (Just imagine this sound after every ignore list add) - gxavier, Closet Cyborg, and the estimable retard permabanned. Did everybody see the dig designed to make me stop doing that because it costs them money?

Right here, right now, right in this thread. This is very funny to me right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WgT9gy4zQA - Thanks you guys. Yes, I am basically certain that this will come up in court and everybody will have extremely straight faces.
\/\/\/\/\/\/

Caro fucked around with this message at 22:43 on Jun 22, 2010

Transgendered Squirrel
Aug 14, 2004

by Peatpot

Ashrik posted:

Don't most paranoid schizo posters, or those who fake it, get banned sooner rather than later? I remember there being one around the time I finally registered who would annotate nearly all of his posts with crazy conspiracy sources. While it was very entertaining from my perspective, all he got was a pretty funny message in the leper's colony to match his permaban. Something about a set of numbers = banning this character is only half of what must be done.

I think its unfair to pick on only specifically mentally ill people when I'm sure there are hundreds here. They should ban anyone who says they have aspergers.

Rotten Red Rod
Mar 5, 2002

Caro posted:

See how they are now taking my most far out low-probability speculation regarding what is happening and presenting it like belief #1? Seriously, how many posts did I talk about that in?
With posts like this one, "they" don't need to say anything. Seriously, the irony is crushing.

permabanned
Aug 12, 2008

優しい野菜
I'm going to post a story about heavy radar microwave irradiation, stay tuned.

movax
Aug 30, 2008

permabanned posted:

I'm going to post a story about heavy radar microwave irradiation, stay tuned.

:golfclap:

Neophyte
Apr 23, 2006

perennially
Taco Defender
Oh well, guess I'm a bad guy now. :sigh:

So who's left here who isn't one of Them?
Is all of SA just a front for Big Brother?
Has our government secretly been paying for people to post stories of pants-making GBS threads and photoshops of genitalia on the internet for all these years, killing time until Caro made his debut?
Have the Zionists and mafia really been spraying chemicals onto pizza to hurt our gallbladders? (According to an old post off Compuserve I saved, the answer may surprise you!)

But seriously it's kinda depressing Caro can't see how much help he needs. I feel bad for the guy, and I hope it works out for him.

Caro
Sep 15, 2003
RISE... FROM YOUR GRAVE

movax posted:

:golfclap:

What are the resonant modes of a water molecule? The answer is both valuable and surprising- also different for heavy water. You'll see what I mean by 'a whole lot of stuff gets lumped into that conduction current term'. Check out 'quantum overtones on google (or get a copy of Balanis)' as well as RF absorption spectra.

redscare
Aug 14, 2003

Transgendered Squirrel posted:

I think its unfair to pick on only specifically mentally ill people when I'm sure there are hundreds here. They should ban anyone who says they have aspergers.

There's a huge difference between sperglords and genuinely mentally broken individuals that think the CIA has been out to get them since they were 3 years old or possibly younger because mommy him touch her in her special place and dad smacked him around like a pinata

Chill_Bebop
Jun 20, 2007

Waffle SS
I'm in San Diego- I want to see this fight.

poo poo, I'LL box Caro.

Transgendered Squirrel
Aug 14, 2004

by Peatpot

redscare posted:

There's a huge difference between sperglords and genuinely mentally broken individuals that think the CIA has been out to get them since they were 3 years old or possibly younger because mommy him touch her in her special place and dad smacked him around like a pinata

Yes, people who claim to have aspergers aren't interesting at all. There is no entertainment value with them, because they're social retards.

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permabanned
Aug 12, 2008

優しい野菜
Before I start, I would like to say that the events described in here have really happened, though the names of the unfortunate victims are changed by the author.
The collection of medical cases is written by a non-engineer in the manner so that everyone could understand it. The opinions of the author are purely his own, they do not represent my opinions. I have tried to translate it as close as it was possible. This text contains no classified information, everything in it could be found in open access on the Internet.

A.V. Lomachinski
Faculty of Military Medicine Academy of the Military Medicine, Moscow
"Curious cases in military medicine and military medical investigation"
excerpt:

Radar-originated trauma.

If you think that radar-originated trauma is something akin to a strike with a rotating radar dish - you are deeply mistaken. Radar-originated trauma is
an injury inflicted by microwaves. If the microwave radiation is weak, then one wouldn't have an injury, but a chronic radar-originated disease.
Sleeplessness, restlessness , pains and body weight loss are among its symptoms. It's not great, but at least you are alive. What we didn't know is that it is very
difficult to stay alive after a real radar-originated trauma. Microwave radiation is considered 'soft' as it is not in common terms 'hard' gamma radiation, but just
a "low-intensity" high-frequency electromagnetic field, akin to a microwave oven. Why would you fear that?

Most powerful fields are generated by Strategic Defense Initiative radars. Their emitter is constructed in a fashion as to project a focused invisible beam of MW radiation.
This is understandable, because the you would loose less energy on useless 'highlighting' of the empty space. At first a standby-radar spots something foreign in the airspace, and then detected object is 'highlighted' with a focused beam. The interception missile follows the reflection of that focused beam, right to the object. This system was worked down to details, like the Bolshoi theater. This was the system, described in the agreement on Strategic defense, signed in 1972 by Nixon and Brezhnev, the same old agreement that was repealed 30 years later by Bush. Sr. That's right - the Strategic Defense System of Moscow was founded in 1973, albeit only with nuclear-tipped interceptors, while the USA could never create something efficient until 2000. A typical AA Defense officer of the Moscow and Leningrad district had a hard time during his duties, as both the northern and the official capital were just minutes away from the border. Radars were permanently on-line and the officers were always on call, like in wartime, no slacking allowed. Things got lax during the Gorbachev's term, that's when those events happened.

There was a secret SDI base somewhere in-between Kalinin and Leningrad. Like in every other military garrison bordering Moscow a hard time has fallen upon the crews, the reason behind it - just a month before, a German amateur pilot, named Rust, landed in his small plane directly on the Red Square. This was an inconceivable insult to the "new policy and new thinking" of the Gorbachev's regime, and it has brought the highest disdain towards the SDI and Air force.

The newly appointed Minister of Defense - Yazov, commonly called in the Army - "Everyone will put on his uniform" (* originally a word play on his name), who liked nothing more than war exercises and parades, has signed a new order, forbidding to take off-line SDI radars for routine maintenance, unless the equipment was seriously broken.
This meant that Army technies had to resort to all kinds of tricks to successfully maintain radars, without turning them off, while working on them. Of course such arrangements were impossible on the continuous pulse radars, but it worked a marvel on the focused beam ones.
One only had to call your SDI counterparts and "Is everything clear? So it's ok if we go up?". That meant - to go into the temporary 'asleep' radar beam zone. But if all of a sudden ... Put it bluntly - anything remotely suspicious can bring on-line a 'sleeping' radar. For the technician, working inside the emitter this situation meant Russian roulette - if one survived this time, he would live at least until the next maintenance round.

Sergeant Ivanuk, captain Lykov and privates Al'muhammedov and Siniagin conducted a "routine small-scale maintenance without shutting down the radar". Captain was checking the electrical works while the privates washed and cleaned something, under the watchful eye of a sergeant, who helped the captain from time to time. The radar control room was far away from the emitter dish itself, in an underground bunker, so there they were issued a truck, Gaz-66. Sergeant Liahovetski, a driver, was the fifth member of the repair and maintenance party.

According to the safety guidelines he was to drive the group directly underneath the dish, then retreat with the car 300m in a safe direction. He was to constantly watch for the other members to appear out of the radar's maintenance entrance, keeping the motor running. And it wasn't just your plain army Gaz truck - its cabin and the rear compartment were screened from the microwave radiation, and over the cabin windows retractable perforated steel sheets were extended. The truck electrical circuits were shielded as well, and on the key fob, instead of the ordinary driver's gri-gri you had a fluorescent bulb, that looked like a pen - a microwave indicator. When the bulb started glowing it meant for the driver that it was time to lower the retractable shields and drive quickly towards the radar's door, while pushing the horn constantly. Personnel would jump in the rear compartment, and the truck would scramble away from the radar, in the direction opposite to the emitter.

A routine small maintenance duty was usually quite peaceful and lasted not more than 15 minutes, the technies would walk out of the door and wave their hands for the truck to come over and pick them up. No shielding was necessary. When the personnel was waving a small red flag - it just meant that you had to drive quickly and put down shields on the return way, because the meaning of the red flag was that someone had called from a central station and the radar would be on-line shortly after that.

During the month after Rust landing and that stupid directive enactment, no such extraordinary situation would happen. All the Airforce waited for the siege to be lifted and the Minister's anger to calm down, bringing the duties back to the normal cycle. Meanwhile all technies climbed in 'sleeping' radars, cursing the amateur German, the directive and the perestroika, that started to steer in a very weird direction.

There was an unwritten rule between the radar personnel - when a foreign object was spotted, first and foremost people called the focused beam radar to check, whether someone was working in the emitter zone, and then the alert was declared. The radar enters automatic mode after the alert is declared and it cannot be turned off or steered out of the way. Those 20 - 30 seconds before the alert sufficed to pull away of the dangerous zone, so that the people were spared and the radar had enough time to connect and spot the target. Such precautions, were of course unconductive to maintain an acceptable alert readiness level, but at least it allowed a way out of the current stupid situation.

That day a major was on the watch, a well-known person in the technies circle, so they couldn't have expected anything bad to happen. He was steady, of sound mind and valued the lives of his subordinates and mates more that the opinion of the army inspection commissions.

And this inspection arrived suddenly. Only if it was a routine check - a single colonel or a major from the division, he could have explained everything or even told them to gently caress away, even risking his career. Unfortunately for him , there was a whole bunch of colonels, generals, and this band was called 'General readiness inspection of the Ministry of Defense'. This is a time when ballroom generals give orders to launch a strategic missile from a SSBN in Northern Ocean, while watching this missile to be shut down, in real life. They can also make this 'real' exercise to closer resemble wartime conditions. That was exactly what happened - they told the major, that he was dead, because the control center was destroyed by a missile ten minutes ago, "Pull the switch, shut down the controls, the communication has already been cut" he was told. We'll see how the global SDI system beam control works, not only your base. The major grabbed the phone, but could hear no tone. He would have liked to call the guys to warn them, but how? His own base emitter was no longer working, and even if he could see the focused beam screen, he couldn't have done anything. Suddenly, a bright spot appeared on a station screen - that could mean only one thing - the beam has highlighted a target for the interceptor missile. Once that have happened, the radar turns fully automatic,preoccupied with the only goal, even if it's quite a primitive robotic goal of destruction. From that moment on nothing can interrupt the work of the beam - 30 megatons of the enemy weapons are flying towards Moscow, to shot those down was important, the rest wasn't.
[to be continued...]