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A Smoke Break
Feb 28, 2009

*snicker*


TapTheForwardAssist posted:

Took place the night of the USMC Birthday Ball in 2000, but they weren't picked up until early 2001.

Interestingly enough, the best articles about it are filed on The Escapist, a "roleplaying advocacy" site. But here's some quotes from the news:


Carson was also the "head lyricist" for a parody boy-band that did a couple shows in downtown Monterey.

Somewhere there's a good article with the gory details (and witty one-liners!) of the stabbing attack. I should go dig that ip.

You're forgetting the joys of Zero Punctuation.

But, yes, LARPing is horrific.

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iceslice
May 20, 2005


Hagetaka posted:

I can't even imagine what it's like for SF candidates there if they have to sit in the same classes as these retards

I didn't think SF candidates went to DLI. they just do it for select languages?

rossmum
Dec 2, 2008

Cummander ross, reporting for duty!



redkillroy posted:

You're forgetting the joys of Zero Punctuation.

But, yes, LARPing is horrific.
It's a different site. I ended up there once by accident while meaning to head to ZP.

Dirk Digglet
Aug 16, 2009

When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline

I work CQ here

mad.radhu
Jan 8, 2006






Fun Shoe

About half the people that work in my shop are crypto-lings fresh from DLI. Most are pretty normal but there's a few special headcases.

Nostalgia4Butts
Jun 1, 2006

WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

oh man are there wiccans there? I thought they were the bottom of the barrel for newly enlisted. I was wrong.

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.


Clapping Larry

When I was there in 92-93 about half my squad were 'Wiccans'.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.


Smellrose

Humbug Scoolbus posted:

When I was there in 92-93 about half my squad were 'Wiccans'.

Which kind of "wiccan", though? The "actually dances naked around big rocks" kind or the "gently caress you dad I'm a pagan now" kind?

Nostalgia4Butts
Jun 1, 2006

WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Which kind of "wiccan", though? The "actually dances naked around big rocks" kind or the "gently caress you dad I'm a pagan now" kind?

"gently caress you dad I'm a pagan now" is my guess. One of them in my platoon kept talking about some pagan gently caress holiday, where wiccans get together and celebrate nature by having a huge orgy. He mentioned it every time he brought up he was wiccan, which was pretty much every time he opened his mouth. I don't know anything about Wiccans except the ones I've met, and I think I'm pretty happy not being in an orgy with any of them.

GetHardHero
Apr 15, 2007

I am gun down your faces


Ya we have a bunch of wiccans including "the white witch" who changed his own name and wears vampire fangs. He has gotten in trouble for wearing his pagan necklace in uniform. Also he says "per se" a lot.

ManMythLegend
Aug 18, 2003

I don't believe in anything, I'm just here for the violence.


When I was shopping around for my current orders I toyed with the idea of going to DLI to learn Chinese instead of getting my masters at NPS. At the time I thought it was a fantastic idea, and convinced a buddy of mine there to do the same. Eventually I wised up and chose the masters degree route.

Between my friend's stories, and this thread, I know I made the right decision.


*Wears civilian clothes 4 days a week.*

*Doesn't have to deal with E4 and below.*

*Is growing a beard right now during the summer break.*

*Is awesome.*

mootmoot
Jan 29, 2006


hammeredspace posted:

I remember that everyone who lived in base house loving hated it. Like, constant robberies and weird phenomenon. Marine in my class said he'd come home to find like his front door or a window open and there'd be a deuce stewing in his toilet. The rest of the house was undisturbed. Happened on more than one occasion, too.

Hey man, dont knock Phantom Pooing until you've tried it. Taking a dump in someones personal bog, and then leaving it there for them to find later is... liberating. It's like violating them without getting sweaty.

StabbyRipStabStab
Nov 4, 2009

I got the internet going nuts.

I'd start dousing the shitter with OC.

GD_American
Jul 21, 2004

427 TOTALLY LEGITIMATE, DEFENSIBLE NATIONAL TITLES AND COUNTING


mootmoot posted:

It's like violating them without getting sweaty.

This sentence gives me the heebie-jeebies

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



Hagetaka posted:

This sentence gives me the heebie-jeebies

A proper response to most DLI stories.

hammeredspace
Jun 22, 2008
I produce infinite faggotry

ManMythLegend posted:

*Wears civilian clothes 4 days a week.*

*Doesn't have to deal with E4 and below.*

*Is growing a beard right now during the summer break.*

*Is awesome.*

Great; thank you for making me feel dumber for not pulling for officer when I had the chance.

When I had TWO chances god drat it why didn't I just do the OAR

General Probe
Dec 28, 2004
Has this been done before?

Soiled Meat

Just remember there was a guy who wore a fox tail, like as a furry would, and a fox ear hat. Some Marines started making fun of him and tore off his tail, breaking it in the process. When he went to the MTIs to complain they told him to gently caress off because that's not normal.

QingLaiXiguaba
Apr 4, 2010


hammeredspace posted:

They still allow drinking at the gazebo? When I got there, they had just shut it down for drinking, and then literally the day after I left it reopened for drinking in response to the number of sailors who were getting picked up for being drunk in public/DUI.

Granted the police targeted the military there and nailed anyone with even a hint of booze on their breath. Even the ones who did the right thing and call a cab were at risk; guy in my Russian class was at the Mucky Duck and had one too many so he called a cab. He was standing outside for it, and the cops loving nailed him.

Seriously if you have any intention on drinking while there, do it somewhere the police can't gently caress with you. The NPS was my choice. Their hotel was something out of The Shining and the rooms so cheap. Perfect for partying or spending the weekend with your girl.

Good ol' club PX. It's pretty much the same group of fat, alcoholic Sailors there every single night. I can hear them from my barracks every night, and it makes me sad that they are (possibly) some of the people will rely on for intel.

I'm in Chinese at DLI right now, and I take the DLPT in 3 weeks. Ooh-rah.

This is pretty much the biggest joke of a base I can imagine. It's not that it's more of a college than a military base, but that it is the single strangest place on earth. Just a few of the fun things that I've seen, heard, or stood witness to since I've been here:

* An airman who dresses up as Indiana Jones every single day, without exception. Australian hat, a vest with way too many pockets, the whole nine yards.

* Marines caught with 26 bottles of urine in their wall locker. Yes, 26 bottles of PISS. That Marine is also known to play WoW. Big surprise.

* 13 sailors all kicked out for simultaneously popping on a piss test.

* So far as I can tell, prior service Marines come here to lose stripes. Since I've been here I've seen a Corporal get busted down to Lance, a Sergeant get busted down to Corporal, two Staff Sergeants kicked out for loving Lance Corporals, another Staff Sergeant get busted down for loving a Lance Corporal's wife, and a Staff Sergeant Select with 2 combat tours in Iraq rack up 3 sexual harassment charges and get dishonorably discharged as a PFC.

* Three Marines are getting kicked out for smoking Spice, the new Marijuana analog that everybody is smoking as of late. But how'd they get caught, Lance Corporal QingLaiXiguaba? They tried driving through the front gate WITH A BONG IN THE FRONT SEAT.

While investigating these 3, they found pictures posted on facebook of two more Marines drinking underage, who are now both getting discharged as well.

One of those Marines begged the CO to let him stay in, and in response they slapped him with a second NJP for some poo poo previous poo poo his superiors let slide and THEN discharged him. I never got the details on what the first offense was.

* An openly homosexual Marine who has no desire to serve his country, but military service is required to serve as the leader of his Wiccan clan.

* A LARP group led by a Marine sergeant, to include loudly casting fireballs in broad daylight, which were, in fact, balled up red T-shirts.

* This one's unconfirmed, but supposedly before I got here there was an Airman who reported to sick call complaining about pains in his hips and rear end. He popped for date-rape drugs on a piss test, and they found some on his roommate. Said roommate went to the brig.

* An Airman getting kicked out for selling cocaine.

* 3 Marines lost their MCMAP belts because they decided it would be cool to hold a fight club at the smoke pit. One wound up with a broken arm out of the deal. Two of the Marines were green and grey belt, and both respectively lost one. One was a tan belt, and to this day he is the only Marine I've ever seen wearing a web belt outside of boot camp. Yes, devil dogs, a Lance with a web belt.

* A sailor who got pissed at her roommate for something, and as retaliation poo poo on her floor. They live in the same room.

There's more, but that should give everybody a picture of the theme park that is DLI. I have never been more ready to leave a place than I am this place.

As a more general note, it's unfortunate that Marines turn into total shitbags while they're here. My guess is that it's due to this place not feeling like a military installation at all, but that's still no excuse. I take solace in the fact that I haven't.

QingLaiXiguaba fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Jun 26, 2010

Dirk Digglet
Aug 16, 2009

When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline

QingLaiXiguaba posted:


* An airman who dresses up as Indiana Jones every single day, without exception. Australian hat, a vest with way too many pockets, the whole nine yards.



I saw this kid the other day and yelled "WE NAMED THE DOG INDIANA" at him. I don't think he understood.

Do you live in the barracks across from Air Force? if so what the gently caress is that song you guys blast like three times a day every day? our whole drat squad is humming it on a daily basis now

GetHardHero
Apr 15, 2007

I am gun down your faces


I love Indiana Jones he is always ready for adventure.

Ya those sailors that popped hot? One of them still hangs out on base and is engaged to a female sailor that pissed clean by a miracle, despite knowing she hosed one of his buddies while he was on restriction.

What is the story on that wiccan Marine guy? I heard he is in some sort of wizard training and must "experience wartime" to continue on to the next level of training. Is he training with this guy?

Nostalgia4Butts
Jun 1, 2006

WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

holy poo poo.

This is terrifying.

Give us more. I want the complete picture.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.


Smellrose

QingLaiXiguaba posted:

Mother of God.

These people make the cast of M*A*S*H look like the loving honor guard.

prettyfits
Jan 20, 2006

Hey baby. Hey honey.

The stories being told in this thread are both hilarious and terrifying.

Casimir Radon
Aug 1, 2008




Normally I'd say that anyone who describes tech school as bearing any resemblance to college is an idiot who's never been to college, in this case it sounds pretty accurate.

Comradephate
Feb 28, 2009



College Slice

I'm suddenly glad I decided not to go 35m.

That stuff is so ridiculous.

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.


Clapping Larry

I was at DLI for language for 97B (I think it's 35L now) Counterintelligence Agent. I had spent my previous enlistment at Benning and Bragg, so my immediate reaction to the insanity of the Presidio was

Fortunately, in the early 90s' it wasn't AS sperg-tacular as it is now (hordes of wanna-be wiccans aside), but all the smart prior service got off post and stayed off post as quickly as possible simply to retain their sanity.

The education you get there is excellent, but most of the initial enlistment types that attend should have been drowned at birth.

We did have a couple of affairs, at least three pregnancies, several suicide attempts (none successful), and the usual 18 through 20-something drama, but strangely enough, nobody in my year long Russian course got popped on a drug test.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you get a chance to go to DLI, do it. You avoid the idiots and keep your cool.

Plus, Monterey is awesome and an easy drive to San Francisco.

Humbug Scoolbus fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Aug 25, 2011

Hobo de los Muertos
Aug 18, 2006


I am standing watch in 622 at the Furry Capital of the World, DLI. Here are some pictures I took for you all from the watch stand. Sorry for the bad quality, they were taken on a crappy phone.

Unfortunately, my phone died, but I used to have a picture of a poster from a Rape Awareness Campaign here at DLI where some channer had painted a picture of Mudkip, with some writing to the effect of "Mudkip would never rape anyone", complete with /b/tard in the corner.

Also, who exactly is this "White Witch"? PM me, DLI Goons.





Hobo de los Muertos fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Jun 26, 2010

GetHardHero
Apr 15, 2007

I am gun down your faces


There is a statue here overlooking the ocean of an eagle. It has been said for decades that if anyone leaves the DLI a virgin then that statue will take flight. Before I joined I used to hear stories about barracks whores and loose women in A school but drat... In my class everyone but the married people and myself has slept with someone else in our class. It is a literal loving train wreck. There is a girl who was sleeping with two of the guys in the class alternating nights, while she was dating one of their best friends. The best friend is now engaged to the other girl in that class. That particular female cheated on her prior fiance with the same guy that her current fiance's ex-girlfriend cheated on him with. Confused yet?

GetHardHero fucked around with this message at 19:24 on Jun 26, 2010

Hobo de los Muertos
Aug 18, 2006


GetHardHero posted:

There is a statue overlooking the ocean of an eagle. It has been said decades that if anyone leaves the DLI a virgin then that statue will take flight. Before I joined I used to hear stories about barracks whores and loose women in A school but drat... In my class everyone but the married people and myself has slept with someone else in our class. It is a literal loving train wreck. There is a girl who was sleeping with two of the guys in the class alternating nights, while she was dating one of their best friends. The best friend is now engaged to the other girl in that class. That female cheated on her prior fiance with the same guy that her current fiance's ex-girlfriend cheated on him with. Confused yet?

Been listening to Master Chief's speeches, eh, seaman?

Having been here for over a year, I have to say that my biggest problem with DLI is the sheer number of super Kawaii animu lovers we have here. It seems like every other person here is a poopsocking, WoW playing, anime loving furry. Fortunately, they rarely stick around for very long.

The first few weeks of class, they boast that they will have no problem learning a language, because they claim to have taught themselves Japanese. It is important to know that when confronted with an actual Japanese speaker, it becomes obvious they have no more than a trivial knowledge of the language. These people are always the first to fail.

Additionally, most of these people constantly bitch and say their recruiters screwed them because he told them they could come here to learn Japanese. loving rejects.

Also, to hell with that guy in my barracks who spends ~20 hours every weekend loudly playing some ridiculous Gundam game on the big screen in the lounge. You know who you are.

hammeredspace
Jun 22, 2008
I produce infinite faggotry

Wish I coulda learned Japanese there, tho =I

GetHardHero
Apr 15, 2007

I am gun down your faces


Homo de los Muertos posted:

Been listening to Master Chief's speeches, eh, seaman?

I heard about that eagle long before his last history lesson.

Ya then there are the kids that took the language in high school or college yet still fail or get rolled. I know someone with a BA in Arabic, she got rolled. This place crushes people.

I don't even want to talk about how out of shape everyone here is.

Hobo de los Muertos
Aug 18, 2006


I completely forgot to mention DLI's other name; the Desperate Love Institute. I have heard that plenty of military training schools get labeled with similar nicknames, but I still doubt that those schools have anything over DLI. Most junior enlisted will attend an A school for several months, whereas at DLI, a course lasts for a minimum of 6 months (for Spanish) and most other courses run for 16 months. That isn't even including the academic restarts which about a fourth of the people who come here receive.

So, what does this mean? It means more time to hook up, fall in love, get married, and have children; all in the course of 16 months. This happens way too often. Since my class started, there have been five marriages, two pregnancies, and countless scandals all from my little class of 12 people!

Though there were one or two legitimate marriages in the bunch, the bulk of these couples are very young (19 or 20 years old) and had only been dating for around four months before deciding to get hitched. Two of these couples have children on the way, and one of them is actually due on Monday; which coincides with the happy couple's one year anniversary! The only thing that makes this more ridiculous is the mom-to-be's insisting that their love child was intentional, and not at all a mistake. I'm not sure what is more foolish; getting knocked up after three months of dating, or planning it.

As opposed to the "timeline" of a prudent relationship, DLI couples progress much faster. Love comes somewhere around two weeks of dating, engagement after a month, marriage around month three, and the first signs of pregnancy at month four. It is disgusting.

Now, one of the most memorable scandals from my class involved a certain Sealady who decided to sleep with not one, but two NCOs; one of which was a Marine Corps MLI from her former class. DLI Seagoons will know exactly who I am talking about. She's pretty much a DLI legend.

Also, about half a year ago, there was a female watchstander who was caught sleeping on the couch near the watch's desk in 833 wearing her NSU top with jeans. She hated the military, was openly a lesbian, and had even sent a letter to some big wig confessing that in the hope that she would be discharged. Still, it was hard for me to believe the stupidity of such an action.

In addition to my own stories, I can verify that everything GetHardHero has said is 100% true. The story about the 13 restrictees for drugs and the following engagement may be a bit unbelievable, but that is just a taste of the insanity the DLI creates. Also, I think everyone here has an unhealthy curiousity (borderline obsession) with that Air Force guy who dresses up as Indiana Jones and the Navy guy who went UA and believes in dragons. It was actually him who created that flier that was posted earlier in this thread.

I love DLI.

Bonus:

Hobo de los Muertos fucked around with this message at 20:31 on Jun 26, 2010

hammeredspace
Jun 22, 2008
I produce infinite faggotry

Jesus; Portal had just come out when I got there in 2007 and after a loving month my little group of dorks were sick of the jokes. How can that poo poo persist?

Is it one of those things where a negative reaction is still a positive reaction and there's no way to kill it?

A Smoke Break
Feb 28, 2009

*snicker*


hammeredspace posted:

Jesus; Portal had just come out when I got there in 2007 and after a loving month my little group of dorks were sick of the jokes. How can that poo poo persist?

Is it one of those things where a negative reaction is still a positive reaction and there's no way to kill it?

Could there be a possibility that half of DLI is just real life trolls.. baiting the hell out of anyone who'll bite?

If so, It's worth it.

Side note: If you see some hipster human being with v-neck shirts, skinnies, and onitsuka tigers carrying around a camera (while wearing civvies), that'll be me in February.

bird food bathtub
Aug 9, 2003



College Slice

redkillroy posted:

Could there be a possibility that half of DLI is just real life trolls.. baiting the hell out of anyone who'll bite?

If so, It's worth it.

Possible? Sure. It's also possible 4chan is the same thing and not just the pack of gibbering retards they appear to be.


In fact the population is a lot of the same people.

SkippyTheDemon
May 6, 2007


I just remembered something from DLI. For those of you still there or know what I'm talking about, the male restroom just outside the Java Cafe by the Middle East schools has Warhammer 40k graffiti. That post really is a different place. /wistful sigh

AlternateNu
May 5, 2005

"すやぁ~じゃなくて!"



These are the many many reasons why I'm glad I'm regaled to the Larkin school, off primary campus, and in, I'm guessing, effectively, the highest ranking class on post. Out of the 16 in my class, I have 1 Specialist, 1 AF Master Sergeant, and 13 O-3+. And, the specialist is in the middle of having his PhD Thesis approved.

Hell, I mean...I'm an anime geek and all but some of the poo poo I see these kids doing out in town would make Man-Fey embarrassed.

hammeredspace
Jun 22, 2008
I produce infinite faggotry

I'd pretty much choke on my own loving poo poo if I had to deal with that much brass on a daily basis.

Hobo de los Muertos
Aug 18, 2006


I completely agree, but for different reasons. Since the beginning of my DLI Adventure, I have yet to meet even one officer who is at even an average level in the target language. Every one I have ever had the displeasure of speaking with is absolutely horrible.

Thankfully, there is only one officer in my class, and we like it that way. It just so happens he is also the worst at Arabic of all the students in our class, and everyone could tell that he wasn't going to pass around week five. Though, somehow, at week 54, he is still with us. Hoo ya, special treatment for Os.

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Slippery
May 16, 2004




Muscles Boxcar

Hobo de los Muertos posted:

I completely agree, but for different reasons. Since the beginning of my DLI Adventure, I have yet to meet even one officer who is at even an average level in the target language. Every one I have ever had the displeasure of speaking with is absolutely horrible.

Thankfully, there is only one officer in my class, and we like it that way. It just so happens he is also the worst at Arabic of all the students in our class, and everyone could tell that he wasn't going to pass around week five. Though, somehow, at week 54, he is still with us. Hoo ya, special treatment for Os.

Why would the institution have any reason to give him special treatment?

People always allege that Os get hooked up with various things. But why would DLI or the chain of command thereof have any reason to hook him up? If he was some Colonel's son, I can see it I guess. But protecting a random officer, I don't see, because whatever big boss runs the place isn't just gonna be like "well he sucks BUT HE'S MY OFFICER BROTHER" I mean they have nothing to gain and lots to lose by doing that.

Yes, we all know it happens sometimes, I'm not saying that. Just saying that if Os are getting hooked up with whatever there has to be some incentive for the officer leadership to do it, or else why would they?

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