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Those national writers might annoy you, but there's no one paid to write about sports worse than the Chicago Tribune's Steve Rosenbloom. By virtue of writing for the Trib, you can already assume he's a sanctimonious hack who does not know anything about sports except for grit and hustle, but he's also painfully unfunny and does nothing but attack all of the local teams with an array of awful forced puns, incoherent jokes, and the levelheadedness of a sports talk radio caller. I think he's been banished to the Web for the past few years, but I still can't contemplate why anyone would pay this guy to write about anything or who his audience could possibly be. "Big, lame Freddy" "Pathetic-o-meter"
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Aug 13, 2010 22:48
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It'll probably make the front page of the Sun-Times
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Aug 21, 2010 17:23
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I got a subscription to SI as a gift, but I can't really stand the magazine since their editors ignore or possibly even encourage awful tortured over-written crap in all of their features in an attempt to gussy them up. Here's one cringe-inducing example from the recent article on Roddy White by Ben Reiter:quote:White called the move the Shanaz. It's pronounced like Lamaze, and White's opponent, his much larger opponent, was left breathing like a mother in labor after White used it to win his second consecutive state title. It's not pronounced like amaze, although that's what White did to the thousands in attendance at the Carolina Coliseum in Columbia that February day. Even worse is when there's some pointless tortured metaphor that carries throughout the whole feature.
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Dec 29, 2010 12:08
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why is such a man alive
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Jan 8, 2011 08:49
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I was looking at Lyttle Lytton Contest, a version of the Bulwer-Lytton contest in which the goal is to write the worst-written sentence beginning a novel in 33 words or less, when I saw that someone nominated this [url=http://adamcadre.ac/10lyttle.html]Rick Reilly gem in their "found" category:quote:Some things are so small, so miniscule, so atomically insignificant, they can be seen only from three feet away using the Hubble telescope. The reveal of the whole Reilly passage kills me every time.
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Feb 28, 2011 06:25
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zakharov posted:Reilly used to write funny, interesting, and sometimes poignant columns. I don't know why he lost his mind after moving to ESPN. Really? Maybe it's just because the only Reilly I've ever read is from his last few years at the back of SI, but I can't imagine that guy writing anything that isn't a festival of hacky bullshit on one of three topics: 1. Inspirational story about someone using sports to Overcome Adversity 2. A lazy Shame on You story about a universally reviled sports personality or, better yet, a little league coach who has exhibited Bad Sportsmanship 3. A story about how awesome it is to be Rick Reilly All three of these are filled with bad writing, horrible jokes, moronic similes, really dated pop culture references, and, of course, teeth. I'd really appreciate it if someone could link something that Reilly has ever written that won't make me throw up my hands and start losing the ability to properly Capitalize Words in a Sentence.
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Mar 27, 2011 22:56
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toadee posted:Im pretty sure I've heard Joe Morgan claiming keys to a game were 'making good outs' and 'consistency', so, it's not obvious to everyone! I believe you mean "cosistency"
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May 11, 2011 22:52
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The guy's been in the league for more than a decade, I don't think now is the time to start looking for a nickname for him.
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May 19, 2011 20:49
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quote:Weiner and King James both suffer from ESPN (Extraordinary Sanctimonious Pompous Narcissistic) Syndrome. Ugh.
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Jun 20, 2011 19:03
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I don't know, I've started those pieces and he gets into a bunch of his awful hackneyed similes and I can't get through them. Reilly is completely worthless. I think that Reilly benefited from a relative lack of decent writing about sports and his inspirational/shame on you/dad humor somehow convinced people that he was a good writer.
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Jul 1, 2011 17:28
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Also, this mock Reilly column is pretty spot on.
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Jul 1, 2011 19:07
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BackInTheUSSR posted:What's so bad about similes? He overuses them now and they're part of his schtick but in the pieces we linked to they're fine. I think you're getting too angry over nothing. I admit, I can't stand Reilly, but I don't think I'm getting too angry over nothing. You see, we didn't have much in the village where I grew up, just a couple of rocks and maybe a turnip came out every now and then, and that's when Rick Reilly came by. He dazzled us with his similes and his metaphors and his references to teeth; like I said, we didn't have much, maybe a couple of mixed metaphors, and sometimes an assonance because we didn't always have all of our vowels. He did tricks with his top hat. My paw and the other old folk, they didn't trust that Reilly, only respected a man who could come to town with a strong back or maybe some fighting insects for us to bet on. But he sure took me in. He told us, the young folk, to take what we could and go with him, and we followed him like moths to a flame convention. And those first few days, I'd never seen nothing like it. There were likes and thans and wine and women and more wine in every hamlet to the county line, everywhere picking up more folks who threw down their plows and sold their donkeys and got on the train. But those days didn't last. The Reilly of the toothy grin, quick with the compliment for an old lady or to pull a coin from a youngster's ear became a taskmaster. We worked hard in those simile mines and the first few I presented were greeted with a backhand and the business end of a gruel bowl. Bobby was the first to go when he was crushed beneath a run-on sentence. Little Zeke fell off the precipice of a terse, one-sentence paragraph. And Reilly only smiled through clenched teeth when Frank Deford ran Gabby Joe through with a sword cane at a Sports Illustrated golf retreat. Reilly's heart, we learned, was like a Scandinavian gnome village-- small, and probably non-existent. I made my break the next full moon. Reilly was inspecting his National Sportswriter of the Year Awards to make sure they weren't scuffed-- it was Wednesday, so he was looking at numbers four through seven with a jeweler's eye, and we knew if he found a nick he'd be using the brass knuckles. Our tents were guarded by a man who was born with no arms who had learned to fire a rifle with his feet ("Who needs arms to be armed?" Reilly used to say), and a dozen of us and ran and ran as the rifle cracked and the slowest fell one by one. The town was deserted when I got back. The single turnip lay festering in the sun. The rest of the county had been hit hard, like it had been cleared by a biblical plague, but we all knew it was the work of Rick Reilly, who had taken us for everything we had. I made my way across the country, sleeping where I could in alleys or in someone's mother's basement, forever cursing the name Rick Reilly, forever enraged on the Internet by sportswriting.
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Jul 2, 2011 17:54
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The dumbest thing about The Decision (other than the ridiculous Vitamin Water library) was that ESPN literally scooped themselves two hours before the show even aired-- they revealed that all three were going to Miami in the crawl on the 5:00 sportscenter thus ruining the entire point of The Decision and making it into The Awkward Fait Accompli.
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Jul 8, 2011 20:02
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Plagiarism or not, the most questionable thing about that article is:quote:The season, longest of all the majors and quite exhausting, is a bit like dating a nymphomaniac; it demands daily performance. Also, there is no way that Mike Barnicle is not a made up name, LET'S SEE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE, "BARNICLE"
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Jul 12, 2011 03:07
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Dunn is the  est player in the MLB. Just looking at him lumbering around uselessly in that white sox uniform is really depressing.
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Jul 22, 2011 20:46
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Crazy Ted posted:I don't know where else to put this but FOX has apparently bought the movie rights to Those Guys Have All the Fun. I hope there's some weird technicality like in the moneyball movie that leads to jonah hill playing a generic dan patrick equivalent.
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Jul 29, 2011 06:53
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I don't know anything about Dan Kois, but I think I'm finally convinced that his awful "Razzie Watch" column on Grantland is sincere and actually attempting to be clever despite having sectional titles such as "New This 'Weak'" and "On the 'Bore'izon" instead of an Onion-esque parody of a column mocking bad movies. There's some good stuff on Grantland, but it seems like they blew their load of good actual journalism (like the National oral history) and now are just shoveling out the same caliber of crappy blogger poo poo that's all over the rest of the internet.
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Aug 19, 2011 01:38
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Yeah, that Carles guy makes absolutely no sense outside the context of his site and even less sense on a website populated by a man whose pop culture references seem frozen in flannel and a guy whose music criticism gimmick is based on naval-gazing sincerity. I'll always have a soft spot for Klosterman because I was introduced to him as a guest on Simmons's podcast that actually forced Simmons to attempt to reflect on his own career which made for a fairly interesting conversation.BITCH I SELL CAINE posted:know pimping your own poo poo here is usually bad form, but I thought initially that Grantland sucked poo poo, and I haven't had any reason to reconsider. This guy's blog is pretty awesome and has an interesting article on Deadspin and Grantland. R.D. Mangles fucked around with this message at 19:17 on Aug 23, 2011 |
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Aug 23, 2011 19:15
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Grantland has a preview of Get Out of My Face, the Onion's take on the PTI/ATH/sportswriters yelling at each other genre. It's pretty funny and it's probably only about 5% more over the top than the actual shows. e: morestuff posted:Rick Reilly has been voted NSSA National Sportswriter of the Year eleven times. He is second only to the late Jim Murray of the Los Angeles Times (14) in number of times winning that award. In 2009, he joined a roster of journalism notables as winner of the Damon Runyon Award for Outstanding Contributions to Journalism. His work has also been recognized by the prestigious New York Newspaper Guild's Page One Award for Best Magazine Story. When sportswriter Rick Reilly guaranteed that Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning would play in Week One, he put his money where is mouth was. Or at least his mouth where the floor was. Reilly wrote that if Manning missed the game, he'd eat garbage off the floor. Manning's injury kept him out of the game, and Reilly had to eat his words-- in the form of stale popcorn. While Manning sat on the bench, Reilly crawled on the ground, eating spilled popcorn like a Hungry Hungry Hippo. "My prediction let my readers down," Reilly said, wiping carpet lint from his lips. "So I went down. To the floor. Where I munched that popcorn like a backed up dustbuster." Reilly then complained about kernels stuck in his teeth. R.D. Mangles fucked around with this message at 17:46 on Sep 15, 2011 |
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Sep 15, 2011 17:27
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Literally kiss the rings Also, ESPN succeeded by getting people to actually acknowledge the existence of ESPN Magazine
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Sep 22, 2011 04:58
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I would like to read an article about the mythical man who is both a fan of deadspin and interested in what Jay Mariotti has to say about sports.
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Sep 26, 2011 06:43
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I'm flabbergasted by this.
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Oct 18, 2011 19:12
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I use them and they because 90% of my sports experience is bitching and complaining and I want to distance myself so I can more effectively rage against the teams' incompetence. We didn't murder Jay Cutler; Mike Martz, Jerry Angelo, and Frank Omiyale did.
R.D. Mangles fucked around with this message at 16:53 on Oct 21, 2011 |
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Oct 21, 2011 16:47
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MorningView posted:He's from Cleveland and took the whole Decision thing as a personal affront for some dumb reason. I die a little bit inside every single time Posnanski says something positive about him and his lovely writing. I would never actually pay for the book, but I'm assuming it comes in a plastic bag drenched with spittle. How dare you exercise your free agent rights 
R.D. Mangles fucked around with this message at 07:02 on Nov 8, 2011 |
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Nov 8, 2011 06:49
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Nut Bunnies posted:What loving world do we live in that Cowherd, Plaschke, and Whitlock are voices of reason and Joe Posnanski is a drooling moron on this subject? for once, bloviating outrage and hyperbole is actually the correct response.
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Nov 10, 2011 17:54
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'Look At Me!' A Rant Against Excessive Celebrationsquote:Humility is a great quality. I can only imagine these attention-seeking athletes standing in front of their bathroom mirrors practices their end zone celebration and actually believing they look cool. How ridiculous would I look if I was producing my newscast and as soon as it ended, I began dancing and acting like a moron? What if I left the control room and ran out in front of the camera and spiked my script? If someone tells me I did a good job, I always say "thank you." But I never milk it. I know the passage sounds so ridiculous that it can't be anything other than satirical, but based on the rest of the column, it appears to be completely sincere. I'll let you decide whether or not this article contains the phrase "act like you've been there before."
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Dec 13, 2011 01:27
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Deathlove posted:I have nowhere else to put this so here is Bob Costas promoing a Bulls game from 1979. that was 30 years ago, the man is ageless. He's like the Dick Clark of sanctimony.
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Dec 26, 2011 19:29
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Chicago fans had to endure at least a year of Skip Bayless columns in the Tribune, although at the time, I thought that the Trib editors just made up a "Skip Bayless" persona and used a head shot from some square-jawed 1950s sports columnist as his photo.
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Jan 15, 2012 08:43
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Bigass Moth posted:Cubs fans aren't bad at all. They have zero to brag about and their wining is easily understood by a Cleveland fan like myself. You can avail yourself of this incorrect opinion by going to Wrigley Field and interacting with masses of douchey Cubs fans. Cub fans by and large* are terrible and if the Cubs ever win the world series, it is possible that we will make Boston fans look sober and rational in celebration. *SAS Cubs fans, of course, are awesome.
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Feb 7, 2012 15:38
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BackInTheUSSR posted:There's a pretty good piece about Stephen A in the ESPN book that basically said that ESPN asked him to create a black persona and be over-the-top about race, and then when he did that, ESPN told him that he was too black and that they were no longer comfortable with him being featured so prominently. Is the ESPN book any good?
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Feb 18, 2012 20:25
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My favorite baseball player in the whole world, Slammin' Sammy Fuld, has a great article on Game 162 from the Rays' perspective. Not a lot of articles by baseball players that make explicit references to win expectancy tables.
R.D. Mangles fucked around with this message at 17:43 on Feb 20, 2012 |
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Feb 20, 2012 17:38
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Garza is awesome, but watching the Cubs win 70-75 games until they get rid of Soriano and rebuild something resembling a farm system would be far more satisfying if I got to watch Fuld running into walls every day. That Fuld April (my new term for a player having an awesomely unsustainable hot streak for a month) was so bittersweet because he wasn't doing it on the Cubs.
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Feb 20, 2012 18:37
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bats
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Feb 23, 2012 01:16
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Jose Canseco's twitter posted:If anyone needs advice on any subject matter in life let me no I can especially show u were all the land mines r cause I have stepped on all of them that way u can avoid them
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Feb 23, 2012 23:07
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so their video content strategy is to distribute flipcams to a large number of pasty, stuttering voids of charisma who are apparently hosting shows from their various rumpus rooms? Sounds good to me.
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Mar 11, 2012 07:50
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magazines always do dumb arbitrary lists because it's a guaranteed nerd argument honeytrap.
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Mar 22, 2012 06:35
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I would enjoy someone who took that to the next logical extreme and got in a passionate argument with Skip Bayless where they counter Skip's attacks on LeBron by arguing that the NBA is a figment of his imagination or claim that Roger Goodell was secretly replaced by Sappamurat Niyazov, who faked his own death and fled from Turkmenistan.
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Apr 11, 2012 19:40
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Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:I haven't slept much and I read "alarmist" as "alchemist" and then I thought about how much cooler that article would have been. Baseball alchemists are just a bunch of antisocial warlocks mixing potions in their parents' dungeons.
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Apr 19, 2012 15:27
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Every single one of those SB nation videos looks like the guy it in is about to start begging the government for a prisoner exchange with a terrorist organization.
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Apr 26, 2012 03:14
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DO YALL WANT A BOXC posted:this is just to say well, that was well done
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May 2, 2012 04:44
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