Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Man, you know your sports journalism sucks when your own newspaper is accusing it's team of taking steroids. Damien Cox is basically saying "Bautista is hitting dingers, bet he's on steroids!"

http://thestar.blogs.com/thespin/2010/08/gotta-at-least-ask-the-question.html

quote:

The Blue Jays, we know, have quietly become known as a bit of a nest for alleged steroid abusers over the years. Clemens played here. Gregg Zaun has been implicated. Ditto for Troy Glaus.

And now comes Bautista. Blue Jay fans will, of course, angrily respond to the suggestion that everything isn't on the up-and-up, just as I remember getting bushels of bitter emails from baseball fans when questioning Mark McGwire's open use of androstenedione back when he was smashing Roger Maris' record.

My favourite line was always how steroids couldn't help a baseball player hit home runs. Too funny.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2010 18:26

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 07:04

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Citoball isn't swinging at pitches as hard as you possibly can and take no pitches, it's Cito Gastion in a back room injecting steroids into his players' rear end. The gig is up, which is why he's retiring at the end of the season.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2010 18:47

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

At least Deadspin is better than Bleacher Report.

# ¿ Aug 24, 2010 20:14

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

stuart scott irl posted:

Dom Amore re: Cy Young award

Geoff Baker, who's actually one of the baseball writers I hate the most, wrote a really good response to that:

quote:

But it's not so easy to win when your team scores four runs or fewer. The league average for runs per game by a team is above four. So, it stands to reason that, if you score only four, your team will likely lose at least as often as it wins.

So, it takes a good pitcher to overcome that.

Let's look at the number of wins registered by Hernandez and Sabathia when their teams score four runs or fewer:

Hernandez -- 8
Sabathia -- 6

How about the number of wins when their team scores three or fewer:

Hernandez -- 2
Sabathia -- 1

Two or fewer?

Hernandez -- 1
Sabathia -- 1

-----

Let's take one final look at how both guys do when their team scores either four or five runs in a game. No blowout by the pitcher's team, or shutdown of the pitcher's hitters by an opponent. Just a plain old "average" game of offense generated.

Hernandez -- 6-0
Sabathia -- 8-3

So, again, I ask you, where is it proven that Sabathia "knows how to win" more than Hernandez? Because he doesn't do it at a greater rate when he gets league average support.

I'll submit that it hasn't been shown. That it's a myth. And that, for the purposes of the Cy Young Award race, the fact that C.C. Sabathia notched half his wins because of an offense scoring six or more runs per game should not be held in his favor. That this whole "knows how to win" notion should be tossed aside in this case and other numbers looked at.

# ¿ Sep 7, 2010 22:13

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Cy Young should really be the Old Hoss Radbourn award. I'd like to see anyone today pitch 678 innings in one season :colbert:

# ¿ Sep 8, 2010 21:41

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

That year OHR set the single season record for WAR from a pitcher with a 19.8. Hoss owns.

# ¿ Sep 8, 2010 22:39

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Captain Charisma posted:

_{_{_{_{woof! woof! woof! woof!}}}}

I've clearly missed the boat on this joke

can someone explain it?

# ¿ Sep 9, 2010 07:28

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

leokitty posted:

Bruce Jenkins? http://sportsargumentwiki.com/index.php?title=Bruce_Jenkins

hahaha:

quote:

Be sure to remember HEEP, SKANK and VLZSKS, while you're at it. We'll be out in the sun, discussing a little thing we like to call "runs batted in."

also

I CHALLENGE THEE posted:

On one of Dave Cameron's 6 org explanation articles someone posted in the comments as "Dave Cameron's Wife" and said simply "Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"

It was deleted after like five minutes but the fact that it came out of nowhere was hilarious

Thanks: http://sportsargumentwiki.com/index.php?title=Dave_Cameron

seiferguy fucked around with this message at 21:07 on Sep 15, 2010

# ¿ Sep 15, 2010 20:51

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

leokitty posted:

I consider SKANK to be a very important statistic so Bruce Jenkins was right.

I assume Alyssa Milano is the league leader in this.

# ¿ Sep 16, 2010 00:46

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

All you SABR nerds who hate Derek Jeter can get out:

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AgDqxz2ARMe03PSBmCEiuRMRvLYF?slug=ea-jeter091410

quote:

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. � So the SABR rattlers have pronounced Derek Jeter(notes) old and creaky. The captain�s average is average and his OBP is WTF. The New York Yankees hit king was once the belle of the ball, but now he�s dragging along like a tin can behind a �Just Married� car. The $50 million over three years he�s sure to get from the Yankees this winter is more like a Wall Street golden parachute than a worth-every-penny contract, at least if you listen to the stat wonks.

They do have a point.

And they�re missing the point.

Jeter is not above the laws of age or numbers. His age will go up, his numbers will go down. Those are facts.

But just for a moment, let�s move past that. Let�s move past the huge contract he�ll sign and not statistically earn. Abandon All Stats Ye Who Enter Here. Because in one important way, Jeter is worth as much as ever.

Hey New York, get ready for clubhouse-leading, "Just-Win" Derek Jeter to be back next year with a big contract!

# ¿ Sep 16, 2010 05:08

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

zakharov posted:

The comments on an article about gay couples wanting to be on the Cardinals' kiss cam are truly stunning.

http://www.stltoday.com/sports/baseball/professional/article_c97e027b-d897-5fa4-88fc-40b014719810.html?mode=comments

QUEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best comment:

quote:

Joepa1 said on: September 16, 2010, 12:15 pm
I thought gays had more self respect than that!!!
I am surprised they would admit to attending a Cardinals game.

# ¿ Sep 16, 2010 18:40

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

Steve Phillips also likes interns. He really likes interns

Alternatively...

# ¿ Oct 2, 2010 03:23

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

I CHALLENGE THEE posted:

The culture at ESPN is basically the sports version of Network

Tony Kornheiser is Howard Beale?

# ¿ Oct 11, 2010 21:22

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

quote:

Rollins is worth more to this team hitting .250 than Utley hitting .300 with 30 dongs, simply because he can catch.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2010 21:10

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Your usual "Wins are what count for Cy Young winners" rambling:

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/gameon/post/2010/11/feliz-hernandez-cc-sabathia-al-cy-young/1

quote:

The AL's Cy Young winner will be announced tomorrow and it probably is going to land in the hands of Felix Hernandez, the proud possessor of a 13-12 record.

And that will drive me a little nuts.

...

I detest the Yankees and their checkbook championships, but if I had a Cy Young vote this year it would go to CC Sabathia, who was 21-7 with a 3.18 ERA. The trend has been to judge pitchers by everything except their won-loss record, and I think that takes the game down a naive path. Any pitcher whose team loses should not leave the clubhouse feeling good because he had a "quality start."

The first Cy Young winners I spent any time around were Catfish Hunter and Vida Blue, who won their awards with respective 25 and 24-wins seasons. They took losses hard, and if anyone had ever tried to cheer them up with compliments about a good WHIP stat on the day of a defeat they would have been met with a cold, hard stare.

...

But for me, 13 wins by a starter just doesn't compute to a Cy Young award.

It lowers the bar on the most important stat in sports. And while we're at it, let's ban 9-7 teams from the NFL playoffs, not let anyone make the cut at the Masters unless they're under par and deport the next person who promotes a 128-team NCAA tournament.

# ¿ Nov 18, 2010 01:16

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Tender Bender posted:

Why does the Philly media hate Utley again? He's just been... really consistently awesome for them. Like I don't see anything he's done that would make him a scapegoat at all.

He used the F-Word during the World Series Championship parade, destroying young fans' virgin ears :qq:

# ¿ Nov 18, 2010 01:51

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

The broken bones posted:

Is there even a case on record of a girl orchestrating a high school shooting?

There will be now :twisted:

# ¿ Nov 18, 2010 07:41

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Chase Utley and Dom Brown for Matt Kemp would probably be the greatest trade ever.

# ¿ Nov 18, 2010 18:23

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Mornacale posted:

What, no he didn't?

Past win-loss record I'm assuming he means the Mariners lost over 20 times Felix made a start regardless if he was the pitcher of record.

Edit: haven't looked this up myself if true, but I'm assuming that's the case?

Double edit: quick glance at B-R, team lost 17 times while Felix pitched.

seiferguy fucked around with this message at 01:24 on Nov 20, 2010

# ¿ Nov 20, 2010 01:20

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

I didn't know journalists were allowed to post fanfic and pass it off as real articles.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2010 22:08

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

My God, for a second I thought you guys were just posting some random crazy dude who just found the internet and blogging, but he's an actual "journalist" :stare:

# ¿ Apr 12, 2011 23:14

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

I thought with his blog title of "Just watch the game" there would be tons of ranting about Sabermetrics, but I haven't seen any of that. Instead, I found much much more :allears:

# ¿ Apr 13, 2011 16:25

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

SM64Guy posted:

Lot of good baseball blogs out there, most of them being on the ESPN Sweet Spot network like The PLatoon Advantage, Rany on the Royals, etc

There's some good blogs on SBNation as well (though some not-so-good ones in the mix). Read your favorite teams' blogs and see if you like them. I love Lookout Landing for the Mariners, but I don't particularly care for Field Gulls for the Seahawks.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2011 03:34

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Dr_Strangelove posted:

Flashback to late 1991. I'm in Omaha, visiting a friend who was attending Iowa State. We go to a bar to watch an ISU basketball game. The broadcast team finishes the intro and gives us ISU's KEYS to the GAME! They are:

1. Score.
2. Defend.

Yes, this actually happened.

Ironically, those are the most accurate keys to every game of practically every sport that has an offense and defense.

# ¿ May 11, 2011 22:42

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

I wish this dumbass wasn't writing for the regional newspaper:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/stevekelley/2015064565_kelley16.html

quote:

Closers are a different breed, as much about attitude as stuff. They have short memories and large egos. They want to pitch in every game that matters. They think the ninth inning should be sponsored by them. The ninth inning belongs to them.

Closers are all heavy metal. Trevor Hoffman charging into a ninth inning with AC/DC's "Hell's Bells" rumbling from the public-address system. J.J. Putz entering to AC/DC's "Thunderstruck" or Mariano Rivera coming into the game to the sounds of Metallica's "Enter Sandman."

Closers have nicknames like "Goose" and "The Mad Hungarian" and "The Beard."

Closers are Brian Wilson scowling like Rasputin, or Rivera looking cool as October. Most have one pitch that they throw over and over again, until a hitter begs for mercy.

Yep, Brandon League's failure as a closer this past week has nothing to do with the fact that he throws fastballs all the time, he lacks "closer mentality."

# ¿ May 16, 2011 17:16

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Chase Utley: World "loving" Champions.

# ¿ May 24, 2011 21:47

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Badfinger posted:

A lot of time the premise of an article is what dooms it to Sports Journalism, like this!

Ichiro needs to show leadership with more hustle

I swear half the reason people from Seattle don't like the Mariners is the poo poo the Seattle Times puts out about them about how dumb they are, and the people of Seattle believe it.

# ¿ Jun 1, 2011 03:17

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Steve Kelley is at it again!

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/stevekelley/2015304408_kelley13.html

quote:

But this season's sharp decline poses two questions: How will he handle this autumn of his career? And how will the Mariners handle him?

The Mariners always have operated under a set of "Ichiro Rules." He has played every day, even on days when it would be in his best interest to rest. He has always hit leadoff.

He doesn't sacrifice bunt. He rarely walks. He won't trade a few percentage points on his batting average to drive the ball more, even though he has the power to hit as many as 25 home runs per year.

It's more subtle "Ichiro is selfish" bullshit that the Seattle media always likes to throw out for some reason. I also love the assumption of "Ichiro can hit 20-25 HRs" because Ichiro can mash 60mph BP balls over the fence.

Ichiro has been one of the best athletes in Seattle history and our media always wants to crucify him.

# ¿ Jun 14, 2011 23:23

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Not really going to comment on the article, but I sure laughed when I read the title:

http://www.nesn.com/2011/07/derek-jeter-could-show-real-leadership-by-volunteering-to-bat-eighth-or-ninth.html

"Derek Jeter Could Show Real Leadership by Volunteering to Bat Eighth or Ninth"

# ¿ Jul 6, 2011 04:32

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

I don't like Jeter in any way shape or form, but 3000 hits is pretty good. He's also deserving of the Hall of Fame based on his numbers.

According to Fangraphs, he does have a -11.4 dWAR though, haha.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2011 19:31

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Hey Mariner fans, worried about the future? Don't worry! Art Thiel has you covered! Since he's ~~been fired~~left the Seattle P-I to start his own website, he can write his own bullshit on saving the team:

The Mariners need to move Ichiro, Felix now."

quote:

During his [Ichiro's] time here, it�s fair to speculate that the biggest issue affecting his performance is all the turmoil and losing. The Mariners� failures have to eat at a guy whose professional standards are so high.

Nearly anyone with his talent and options would have been long gone. But his Japanese sense of company and personal loyalty, particularly to majority owner Hiroshi Yamauchi, is too intense for his own good. If he were to ask out, however, his request would be honored.

At $18 million, he makes way too much money for a singles hitter. But remember, baseball is warped right now. If Ichiro were packaged with a pitcher such as League, and the Mariners agreed to eat some salary, the roster would reap a return of at least two 2012 starters from a desperate team, plus prospects.

I love Ichiro, but who the gently caress is going to take him and net us two starting players, and prospects for him and Brandon League?

quote:

More painful would be the departure of Hernandez, because of his youth. But his talent puts him nearly in the Alex Rodriguez class, which means he�s destined for a big market.

In 2000, rather than trade one of the best players in baseball history, the Mariners let Rodriguez go into free agency, hoping to out-bid suitors for his return. Instead, they were woefully under-armored, and received nothing for him. That was a franchise wound that gave much blood.

No matter his nice words about Seattle and the Mariners, Hernandez is fated to be traded. There may never be a better market for his services than in the next couple of weeks. He�ll also net at least two more near-term starters, plus prospects.

Alex Rodriguez's departure sucked. The next season the Mariners coped by winning an AL-record 116 games.

Christ, this guy has an HoF vote too.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2011 06:27

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Nodoze posted:

Just because they won 116 games doesn't mean letting A-Rod leave was a good thing

I'm not really sure what the budget situation was like for the Mariners, but that may have prevented the signing of Ichiro and Bret Boone, who ended up being the best players on the team in 2001. So I'm not really going to complain about A-Rod walking for a massively overpaid contract.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2011 06:41

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

MorningView posted:

His Super Bowl coverage was the first thing he did on Deadspin that got him a lot of attention, and the Stu Scott text was the most famous thing to come out of that. And it was really gross. I don't know why you are so desperate to defend a guy who thinks pictures of athletes' penises or who random ESPN employees are loving are worthy news stories. I'm sure Deadspin has some good pieces here and there, but it's largely a lovely tabloid.

Well, at least it's better than Bleacher Report!

# ¿ Aug 27, 2011 19:47

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

This popped up on my google news and I clicked on it, ugh:

http://crosscut.com/2011/10/05/seattle-mariners/21379/Adrian-Beltre:-No-thanks-from-Seattle,-the-one-city-you-let-down/

quote:

Psssst! Beltre! Hey, thanks from Seattleites . . . For nothing.

When the Seattle Mariners acquired Adrian Beltre, the third-baseman, who had three dingers against Tampa Bay Tuesday (Oct. 4) to lead the Texas Rangers to the next playoff level, he was 26 and coming off what many would say was the greatest season ever played by a hot-corner guy. His 2004 stats eclipsed the best numbers ever put up by Mike Schmidt, George Brett, and Brooks Robinson: perhaps the three best third-sackers ever. Beltre also had fewer errors for a season than any of the above ever recorded.

For the Dodgers in 2004, Beltre played 155 games at third and another at shortstop. He had 121 runs batted in, hit .334 and Beltred, er, belted a big-league-high 48 long balls.

Then Beltre came to play at Safeco Field and his numbers dropped like tiles from the ceiling of the old Kingdome. During his five years here, he never had more than 26 home runs and 99 RBI. His best batting average was .276. After an injury-ridden �08 swan season in Seattle, he moved to Boston, where he immediately had impact: .321, 102 and 28, plus leading the league in doubles.

Now, with Texas, Beltre is exhibiting the post-season heroics that never happened in Seattle, possibly because he played here during a localized 21st-century version of the Dead Ball Era.

But how could his lack of production on offense also account for the simultaneous drop-off in defensive numbers when he arrived here in �05? In Los Angeles in 2004, he registered just 10 errors at third: fewer than the best D-years of the above mentioned three. For the M�s, he never had fewer than 14.

Obviously nobody believes that Beltre came to Seattle planning to play worse than he had in Los Angeles. Nor could anyone prove that he went to Boston and Texas for the sole purpose of showing that he could do better than what he did here. How, then, does one explain his abrupt up-down-up turn-arounds during his time in L.A., Seattle, Boston, and Arlington, Texas? Was it just because the crummy M�s posed an uninspiring environment? The �04 Dodgers, after all, won 93 games and a division title.

The only other apparent answer is that there isn�t any answer. Beltre simply didn�t perform in Seattle nearly as well as he has everywhere else. That conclusion is easily quantified.

How is it qualified? Did Beltre, presumably in his career prime during his Seattle years, have some reason to under-perform? Night after night we watched him live at Safeco and on TV here and elsewhere appearing at the plate to be inferior to the Beltre who played with the �04 Dodgers. Knowing that he was contractually obligated to play here, why didn�t he strive to do better?

Texas Rangers partisans must be ecstatic knowing they�re going into the American League Championship Series and possibly the World Series with a five-hole guy who evidently wanted to win so much that he hit three solo home-runs Tuesday to assure his club�s one-run victory. Didn�t you want to win that badly in Seattle, Beltre? If so, why did you put up what have been by far your worst career numbers here?

You�re a mere 32 years old, Beltre. You don�t project to career numbers that would indicate Hall of Fame consideration. If you did, it�s pretty easy to conclude that you wouldn�t take entry in a Mariners uniform because, for whatever reason, you never even played here like an All Star Game reserve.

Good luck the rest of the way, Beltre and, again, thanks for nothing.

Beltre hit 3 home runs in one playoff game, why didn't you do this for us, Adrian? You committed 10 errors one season at third!

Ugh, I dunno who Mike Henderson is, but he used to write for the Seattle PI, the Times and the Everett Herald. Good thing he's nowhere near one of those publications now.

# ¿ Oct 6, 2011 05:11

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Medical Sword posted:

that their job is "to create narratives" is in itself a problem with journalism, not an excuse

I have no problem with sportswriters creating narratives. Some people do it really well and can tell a really good story (see: JoePos most of the time). However, the majority of them use concepts that they pulled out of their rear end like he's gritty, a winner, plays the game the right way, etc. and that's just where it gets awful.

# ¿ Dec 6, 2011 17:41

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

MorningView posted:

True Yankees will recognize that the only thing that really matters is what's on the front of the uniform.

Alex Rodriguez's uniform would be a blank canvas.

He could fill it with sponsorships.

# ¿ Jan 7, 2012 22:28

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

SBNation, which has three great baseball writers - Jeff Sullivan, Grant Brisbee, and Rob Neyer, continuously put out great material.

Then there's Al Yellon who puts out this piece about how the Marlins are the worst thing ever and yikes.

# ¿ Jan 23, 2012 09:10

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

Gonna leave this here:

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20120201&content_id=26536708&vkey=news_mlb&c_id=mlb

quote:

This makes you respect Babe Ruth and Willie Mays even more. At 714 and 660, respectively, those sluggers are the only members of baseball's top 10 home run hitters who didn't homer as a DH.

Ruth and Mays never were DHs, because that option wasn't available to them when they played.

It was for Bonds.

# ¿ Feb 2, 2012 22:26

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

I still think the second-most insufferable fans is a tie between NY fans and Chicago Cubs fans. Boston always wins now and forever.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2012 07:26

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 07:04

seiferguy: Jun 9, 2005; FLAWED
INTUITION; Toilet Rascal

What did Posnanski write about JoePa that got his reputation hit? I was follow the JoePa / Sandusky story but not all the media narratives around it.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2012 20:37

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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