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Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Montague Smythe is a completely legitimate film critic and I'm not just saying that because he has a knife to my throat.

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Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Y-Hat posted:

I found Jay Dub's comparison of The American to Eat, Pray, Love to be accurate, considering that I almost saw the latter but ended up with the former on my recent movie date. Turns out that I was taking the same pill.

1) That was Vargo, not Jay Dub.

2) You are such a pimp.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Wandering the internet...

...like a lonely ghost.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Oh boy...

quote:

EDITOR'S NOTE: When Satan is near, strange and terrible things transpire: Children bang their heads on the sharp edges of tabletops; toast falls to the floor jelly-side first; awful, ridiculous movies get positive reviews! -- Garbage Day

I'm never going to live this one down, am I?

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

IT'S A HOOT!

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

the posted:

I enjoyed doing this.

I should note that this photo is actually me.

On the left.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Vargo posted:

We regret to inform you this week that due to Clumsy's hostage situation attending a wedding, Current Releases will be delayed until Tuesday.

To make up for this, we bring you a special treat: A message from the future from Donovan Laird, a look into the mind and personalities of insanity with Montague "Legally Sane" Smythe, and a straightforward, probably mediocre review from Martin R. "Vargo" Schneider.

Marty Schneider: The Public Face of Current Releases

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Jay Dub posted:

What the gently caress, how the hell do you know that? Is Gmail's time-o-gram feature out of beta yet or something?

I thought I was special. :sigh:

Vargo is actually caught in an infinite time loop. He's experienced this several times already.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Vargo posted:

^^^I think this is a good idea.^^^

Special behind-the-scenes at Current Releases: I was supposed to have this week's Minority Report for Narnia, but apparently ProfessorClumsy felt it would be funnier to make fun of a probably retarded man instead.

That man very definitely had tourette's syndrome. I do not feel that this should negate his opinion of Narnia.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
It's okay, The Nostalgia Critic is neither funny nor a good critic.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
The Wrestler is a great example of a film about itself; insofar as it explores the necessity of escapism in dealing with the banalities of everyday life. As someone who has worked in retail for years, the scenes in which Mickey Rourke deperately tries to bring some joy and excitement to his job behind the deli counter, culminating in his deliberately jabbing his thumb into the meat slicer, is some of the most cathartically enjoyable stuff I have ever seen.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

paco650 posted:

Current Releases has been handy so far as it's helped me dispell any cognitive dissonance that I may have developed after spending close to $40 to take a date to the theater and trying to convince myself the movie isn't total loving garbage.

Tell us more.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Aftertaster posted:

I...I love you. I love you! I loving LOVE YOU! Goddamn that felt good. Thanks. I needed that. Keep up the good works, gentlemen.

Cigarette?

Too far, dude. Too far.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Johnny Walker posted:

Hey, ProfessorClumsy, just wondering if you saw The Green Hornet in 3D or not and if you think it matters. I haven't gone to see any movies in 3D yet and frankly I'm not sure I like the idea of it being so common now but it is what it is, and I think I might want to see The Green Hornet (thanks for the review, again) so I thought I'd ask.

I saw it in 3D because my cinema does not offer the option on films that aren't for kids. The thing about 3D is that it doesn't really look any different to 2D once your eyes adjust to it. It's an identical experience that you're paying more for. So if you have the choice, see it in 2D.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Vargo posted:

If you go see a movie in 3D, make sure it's one that was actually filmed in 3D. Most of the movies you see in 3D now are added post-production, and it's usually poorly dome, rushed quality that adds nothing to the film. Please note that being "Real 3D" is not an indicator of quality. Also, post-production can be good, if they take a lot of time and care, which most studios don't.

A good resource.

On that note, Green Hornet is a well done post conversion 3D film. The conversion effect is not noticable in any way and it looks no different to some of the shot in 3D titles I have seen. You should still see it in 2D though if you have the choice.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Vargo posted:

You forgot Ghost Rider, my friend. He actually has made a demon fighting trilogy.

Not all in the same year though.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Humbug Scoolbus posted:

Something Awfilm?

That's terrible.

How about Somefilm Awful?

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
This week's Current Releases is a seven page extravaganza!

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Best e-mail I have ever recieved:

tom posted:

Hey it's cool that you faggots like to talk about movies, but do you really think your little circle jerk needs it's own weekly feature? As far as I know SomethingAwful is a comedy website, you know, for funny poo poo. Everything else posted on the front page at least gets a passing grade for humor, but your pedantic loving essays on whatever poo poo films happen to be out don't make the cut really. You losers already have your own forum, and we both know the people there are the only ones who're going to waste their time with your drivel so what's so hard about keeping it in there? Hell, if that's too much of an ordeal for you, why not set up a blogspot page and pass around the account info so no one can read them there instead of making GBS threads up the front page?


Regards

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
That Movie of the Week graphic looks pretty nice.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Current Releases is certainly a big departure for Something Awful, but the support we're getting from Garbage Day, as well as generally positive responses from readers (with a few exceptions), suggest we're definitely going in the right direction with this.

I'm really starting to feel lately that more people are taking us seriously as critics and getting over the whole "this is on somethingawful.com?" reaction.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Gyges posted:

The Skyline review is the only thing that made that thing tolerable as I watched it with friends. So if nothing else, thanks to ProfessorClumsy for that.

I'm still proud of that review.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Dectilon posted:

That was a much more apologetic review of Atlas Shrugged than I expected.

I think a lot of critics had their reviews written before they'd even seen it, so I'm glad we were able to keep the politics out of it.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Vargo posted:

My bad. As an English major, I am ashamed.

Also, Clumsy told me that I did it when he was editing the piece, but he apparently didn't change it.

Wait... I could have sworn I changed that!

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
So, every Sunday I tweet the link to the Current Releases reviews. This week, I recieved a direct response:


http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-596162

An old man describes the plot of Win Win, declares himself part of some intellectual elite for "getting it", calls it a review and then - and this is the most baffling part - decides that I, personally, need to see it.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Either of you care to elaborate?

Professor Clumsy fucked around with this message at 19:19 on Nov 20, 2012

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

John Dyne posted:

They were made for the fans, not critics! :byodood:

I don't remember your Iron Man review, or even which one it was.

Here's my Iron Man 2 review. I never reviewed the first, but it was marginally better.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Nucular Carmul posted:

You are british.

This is something I'm ashamed of today. Rub it in why don't you?

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
I haven't seen either of those films and have no plans to.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Vargo posted:

I just want to point out that the "Something Blue" joke in my review is not the one I originally wrote.

Yeah, I saw you pretending you were too good to make a testicles joke and brought you down to earth.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Dectilon posted:

Movie of the Weak.

I honestly believe that the only reason Iron Man reviewed better than Daredevil or The Incredible Hulk is because it had Robert Downey Jr doing his usual shtick. It's a not a bad shtick, but always the same.

Flubberty-druthers.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Father Wendigo posted:

Vargo, I know you want nothing more to do with MILF, but the IMDB link in your review is broken.

Whoops, that's my fault.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Fig Newton posted:

It's not broken too badly; just look at the URL and delete the excess quotation marks.

I know, I already fixed it.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Father Wendigo posted:

I don't mean to come off as antagonistic, but now the formatting appears to be broken.

As an aside, I've become pretty dependent on you guys for movie reviews, so thanks for saving me time and some money!

Yeah, I somehow made it worse when I "fixed" it and then had to fix it again, should be back to normal soon enough.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Just think about this for a moment: there so many talking animal movies released on a weekly basis that we have a guy who loving specialises in reviewing them.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Even Garbage Day has backed me up on Wolverine. There's a revolution coming.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

W. Austell posted:

On Vargo's "Judy Moody" review: "What child in his right mind goes out of his way to spend more time around clowns?" Any child who lives in reality and not the world of teenager cliches.
Please skip such lame trendy gags. The "scared of clowns" idea has never been funny ever and you totally shoehorned this joke into the article.
I know some people are complaining about "straight" movie reviews on a comedy site, but it's better to be 100% serious than to resort to such hackneyed folderol. Sure, 14-year-olds love it, the hot topic crowd loves it, but you can do better. Don't stoop so low.
-Wendell Austell

My response posted:

Are you a clown?

Wendy the Clown posted:

Although I've considered going to clown school someday, I as yet have no vested interest in protecting the clown public image. I'm just saying my 2 cents because I've seen people toss out "kids sure are scared of clowns" a billion times for cheap laughs.
And clowns are generally OK dudes, you can give 'em a chance despite trendy gags.

We offended a wannabe clown.

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
Isn't Marmaduke the most fart movie of the year?

Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...
The Beaver was ready for release quite some time ago, but it was held back because of the eruption of bad press surrounding Mel Gibson. Or so we're told. I honestly think they held it back because they knew it was so loving bad.

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Professor Clumsy
Sep 12, 2008

It is a while still till Sunrise - and in the daytime I sleep, my dear fellow, I sleep the very deepest of sleeps...

Dectilon posted:

Sorry, but I don't think you do a very convincing 8-year old :corsair:

That's because Vargo is only 6.

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