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Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Man I was about to press post and put up a thread called : "[UK] The uniquely funded British TV discussion thread"


For those of us that aren't familiar with how British TV works a lot of the discussion in this thread will be about the 5 terrestrial networks.

BBC 1 and BBC 2 are the BBC channels that available to everyone in the country. These channels have produced shows like Little Britain, Life, Doctor Who, Screenwipe, Top Gear and Eastenders. The BBC is funded in a unique way in that to own a television in the UK you have to pay a TV licence. There is always some debate about if the licence fee is justifiable when looking at the quality of some of the programming that's put out ('SIGN ME UP FOR ANOTHER SERIES OF MY FAMILY/TWO PINTS OF LAGER RIGHT THIS INSTANT, AUNTIE!') or how it stacks up next to commercial networks. If you want to know more about the licence fee ask in this thread and you will get a huge wall of opinion unfettered by fact or logic.

ITV is a bit of a weird one in that it’s a purely commercial channel that changes how it’s presented around the country. In Scotland ITV is called STV. In Ireland it’s called UTV. England and Wales it’s called ITV. It produces Coronation Street (imagine Eastenders only with less sanity and more grime), The X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, Dancing on Ice, Dancing on Ice with the stars, Dancing on Ice Extra, Dancing on Ice’s little brother and Primeval. Somehow ITV decided it would be a good idea to see if they could stretch their stunning list of shows over 4 channels that you can only subject yourself to through Digital TV. ITV shows don’t get good ratings and the show is bleeding money from the hip.

Channel 4 is the liberal darling of the British TV world. It produces deeply challenging drama like Hollyoaks and The Trial of Gary Glitter. It also has programmes that are intentionally hilarious like You Have Been Watching and The Inbetweeners. It has a film channel that is available on digital networks along with their more grown up channel that’s basically channel 4 only with more American imports like Without a Trace and The Daily Show. They also run a dedicated Entertainment channel called E4 which lets you watch Friends whenever you want! One thing Channel 4 does more than any other network is make lovely documentaries. Some of them (like the most recent documentaries on 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina) are outstanding and rather harrowing pieces of journalism but for every good documentary like that there’s three “the boy who’s skin fell off”, “Michael Jackson and Bubbles: The untold story” and “The Worlds Largest Breasts and Me”. It’s also where new Reality TV formats are tested on the public before being deployed around the globe. Channel 4 is currently running the last series of Big Brother and it’ll be interesting to see what they do with that time slot from now on.

Channel 5 is the latest entrant to the British terrestrial TV market. When they premiered they were a bright, colourful channel full of new fresh ideas. These new and fresh ideas were all really bad ideas so the head of the channel decided to go back to the most reliable F’s in the history of television: Football, Films and loving. Channel 5 showed a different film every night for a while and they also showed second division football. Also, whilst many of the people in this thread were growing up, showed softcore porn most evenings. The fortunes of the network didn’t really go that well with only a few stand out shows really cropping up every now and again. The one solid recommendation I can make from this network is ‘The Gadget Show’ which is a bit like Top Gear only with gadgets instead of cars and a smaller budget. Channel 5 have also seen fit to give the world Live From Studio Five. This counts as part of their public service news broadcasting. It’s a show that has a ‘running order Heat magazine would consider to be frighteningly lightweight.’

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Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Hollyoaks is deeply, deeply challenging. It forces the viewer to question everything, even the very fabric of reality.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Tempo 119 posted:

"Due to the unique way the BBC is funded" is a catchphrase.

Yeah that is sort of what I was going for...

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Twat!! Did you see that? Liquid football...

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


An0 posted:

Is anybody else getting a weird bug where the sound doubles on the iplayer ?

This happens to me all the time. It seems to happen when you pause the program for an extended (5 minutes+) period of time.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Graviton v2 posted:

Thanks for the recommendation of 'Getting On' chaps, thats bloody brillient. Just watched all 3 of the series. Whats that doing hiding on BBC4 when we there is another loving series of 'Miranda' on BBC2?

Because my mum and dad like Miranda because it's innocuous and doesn't go out of its way to upset where as dark comedy about the NHS and the bumbling morons therein could be considered not something that's suitable for 7.30 in the evening on a mainstream television channel.

Just a thought.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Rapey Joe Stalin posted:

No, the worst part is when she runs around in her underwear.

Oh come on it's mostly inoffensive comedy that actually gives a few decent laughs. There are a few good lines, a few decent physical gags in each episode and it's not actually that bad. It's also given a rather duff spot late in the evening on a monday on BBC 1. It knows its market is people that think that the BBC's comedy output has become crude and needlessly mean (it has) about a lot of things. I remember a while ago in this very thread someone saying "Why hasn't that The Thick of It but with the NHS show been given more prominence?"

Well because an actual punchline in that show was the phrase 'maybe it's a prolapsed anus?'

It's not a show that's out to pick up the viewers that are the sorts of people in this thread. The people in this thread are, by and large, very well served by peep show, the IT crowd, the thick of it, that NHS show thing that I mentioned, the inbetweeners. All of those shows share a fairly obvious common thread and it's a little disappointing to see people in here flinging poo at it because it's not to their taste.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Brown Moses posted:

Dot Cotten was revealed as a Corrie fan in Eastenders last night, then Stacey and Kat said they thought it was boring.

So gritty and real.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Channel 4 are starting a topical comedy news discussion program.

In other news More 4 will not be renewing their licence to show The Daily Show.


Whoopee.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


I used to work with one of the presenters on Game Network. Not the woman with the weird accent but the big bloke with the lisp. Apparently the woman was a right oval office.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Akuma posted:

Do you really not find the the +1 channels useful? I think they're a godsend and wish every channel had one. If two shows you want to watch are in the same time slot you can just +1 it.

I find all the +1 stuff useful. You never know when you need another +1 to hit or damage

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


That Channel 5 thing, right, looks like it uses the exact same font and letter 5 as was on the side of Thunderbird 5.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


I think the problem with Episodes is that it's about the inside of television. It seems to self-satisfied and smug and the writers seem like they're very obvious inserts of themselves in a situation that they'd love to be in and they'd be oh so witty and stuff. Also I'm not that big on profanity in comedy and the stream that pissed itself up the wall for a terrible, lovely, boring and entirely obvious punchline at the end of episode 2 has rather put me off. As well as that there's a rather unfunny joke where they basically go "Hey look! It's Joey from friends! And we had him say gently caress. Tee hee aren't we such minx's?"

Saying BLOODY oval office FUCKY POO BUM WEE WEE FARTYPANTS is not funny. Sorry.

Sion fucked around with this message at 15:15 on Jan 22, 2011

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Kin posted:

I'm aware of that, the problem is that the segment on her never really insinuated that link at all. It was just a generic "Palin is crazy, haw haw haw" segment.

Star Wars Episode 3 on STV just now. I forgot how loving terrible Anakin's switch to the Dark Side was. "ooh, i'm conflicted. Aww gently caress it, EVIL MODE" *murders some children*

I think you'll find that they're called Younglings so we don't have to have the line "He killed all the children" and "He murdered all the children."

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


I watched Laura Hall: My Battle with Booze.

The phrase 'loving scum' is banded about a lot in this life...

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Corrode posted:

Watching Question Time on iPlayer now. Holy gently caress, Katie Hopkins is thick as pigshit.

It is pretty delightful.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Kin posted:

Am i the only one somewhat repulsed by Michel Roux's Service?

I've worked in hospitality before and it really is a lovely, thankless, overy stressful, underpaid line of work and to see it glorified as some kind of wonderjob for these people to aspire to is heartbreaking.

Did you work at a Nanodo's or somewhere nice?

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


TheVertigoOfBliss posted:

10 oclock show is definitely improving.

Yeah, dog poo poo stops smelling after a few days

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Masterchef has always had very strange music. It's always had really out-of-place seeming techno. It wouldn't work with any other kind of music though:

"I'm making a jouz out of broad beans and mint that I'm going to put next to the red current jelly tweel and into the braised lamb shoulder."

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Hustle talk:

Albert

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


AttitudeAdjuster posted:

More like

Really took me by surprise, was expecting the classic Hustle out-of-the-bag-at-the-last-minute ending.

I was expecting him to go with them so they can start to phase Albert out of the show. Every week he does less and less and he seems old and tired (not looking to sound mean - the bloke's fairly clocking in at this point since he was Napoleon 'The loving Man' Solo in The Man from UNCLE). I thought they'd pick him up, move him to the states and then leave him there for a christmas special where he is all "Guys I am in trouble in the states with my daughter and fiancé. Can you all come out to the US and do a big con here please?"

Honestly that would be a goddamn brilliant thing to have as a Christmas special.


Also the show's getting packaged hard for the American market. They were even having chinese food out of the little white boxes rather than proud British silver tray things that you cut your loving finger on whenever you need to open them.

ShaneMacGowansTeeth posted:

I think I may have accidentally jumped into that show at the wrong time. On a slightly unrelated yet related matter, a few weeks back I went to take the bins out at my house. I walk them down a 20 metre driveway and when I've done so, I look around and think "gently caress, that's a lot of rice everywhere". Except it's not rice. It's maggots. All over the other dozen or so bins, and the pavement and road. loving unseemly, and my neighbours are dirty fucks

I switched over to that program at a fairly inopportune moment too. 'As you can see the flies are feeding on the leaking feces coming from the hyena's rectum' *extreme close up of hyena's bollocks and backside*.

I was quite put off my digestive.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Nah a digestive is a biscuit. I didn't want to eat it anymore after seeing a hyena getting its ring piece cleaned by bloatflies.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


gently caress everything about Episodes.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Kin posted:

Stirling's not bad, but that's not technically a town anymore.

Your perception of reality has become so warped through years of sitting around and bathing in a huge tub of self pity that you are now mad enough to think that Stirling (the town whose high street consists of a McDonalds, a post office and an argos) is not that bad. It's a hole. A retirement village with added neds. You are a mental. Seek help immediately.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Flatscan posted:

A large paedophile ring recently went under and many of the refugees ended up on SA.

Posted in the thread twice at the very start saying 'this is kinda neat' and 'that 30 seconds of youtube is funny'. AATrek walked in and went EVERYONE GETS AVATARS REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY POSTED so here it is. I used to have a goon4dead one too.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Kin posted:

Or names. There's some correspondant they've got on the news now who thinks there's a Peter Manning being detained for leaking the cables to wikileaks.

One more step and we'll be able to implicate Bernard Manning...

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Cerv posted:

Might this embarrass them into finally cancelling the show? I can only hope, because I haven't the will to endure yet another marathon (aka one episode)

Was this a Jimmy Carr joke originally?

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


NaDy posted:

I saw one episode and wanted to throw up. Do people actually non ironically like it?

I know a lot of people who actually think Children of Earth is one of the greatest pieces of televised science fiction in broadcasting history.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Daimo posted:

Tried the 10'oclock show lastnight and got halfway before bed. Heres what I thought

-Jimmy Carr can't read a loving autocue to save his life.

-I thought the phrase "Look this is very serious people I had to evacuate all my houses. I had to do it. Lol." was such a hilarious quote from 50 cent that I went looking for it. Turns out he actually said: "Look this is very serious people I had to evacuate all my hoe's from LA, Hawaii and Japan. I had to do it. Lol.". Fair enough you wanted to make a joke about the guys low moral fibre but flat out lying? Come on.

What are you talking about no one lied you're just an idiot.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Ditch BBC Parliament, BBC Alba and one of 1Xtra or Asian Network or BBC 7. Kill BBC2's programming between 9.30 (when Cbeebies ends) and 6 PM (when people get back from work) and replace it with Cbeebies until 12 PM and then News 24 until 6 PM.

BBC 3 gets ditched and new shows are piloted on the iplayer and the public get to react and post reviews of it and we all get to see a brand new form of democracy in our television that means it's pure shite the whole way through. Fold BBC4 back into BBC1 with really specialist programs (THE LIFE OF CORNERS BY J R HEARTILY) into an online service that gets trailed heavily before and after other BBC 4 faire.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Mickolution posted:

Why? It's hugely popular and has been a BBC flagship for over 25 years. One of my pet peeves is when people complain about "my license fee being spent on x" just because they don't like it. I'm not British myself (pay a licence fee in Ireland though), but if I were and licence fees were spent just on things I like, the BBC wouldn't be around for very long.

Because Kin lives in a world of rain, hyperbole and poorly thought out sentences, that's why.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Mickolution posted:

That sounds like a recipe for disaster, I reckon. Would probably result in a medium between the two which would please neither sets of viewers.

Oh I dunno, I'd like to see Georgian Snog Marry Avoid.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


I just watched the GovSquad sketch on 10 O'Clock Live.

loving hell that was bad.

Then it' followed up by a piece whose entire point is "LOL AMERICAN NEWS IS BAD" and then "Look at this footage that we found on the internet and youtube that anyone with a computer connection in an office will have already seen."

Then it's followed up by a Jimmy Carr bit where it's news from the future.

"The Emperor of Japan who was awoken in 2011, Godzilla, will be visiting the UK..."

Not only is it achingly unfunny it's also in achingly poor taste. This is exactly the sort of poo poo Brooker would have annihilated as crass, ill-conceived, piss-poor and needing to be closed down as soon as is humanly possible.

Sion fucked around with this message at 14:03 on Mar 25, 2011

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


SeanBeansShako posted:

This is horrible news. Why can't they let poo poo TV stay dead.

Because retards buy heat magazine. That's why.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Mickolution posted:

Because giving out about the likes of big brother offers an opportunity for people to feel smug and superior to the people who do watch it.

Because they are?

Superior, I mean.

Smug too.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


There's something a little Orwellian about the reaction of just shrugging and changing the channel when something that abhorrent is presented before you.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


N3RDSTER posted:

Woah, I didn't bother to watch/record Secret Millionaire 'cos I thought the formula was a bit tired, but I didn't know it was in Boro this week. Gonna have to catch up on 4OD. Do you know what area they were in?

Hate to say it pal but the only difference between high class boro and low class boro is the amount of times the needle gets re-used.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Flatscan posted:

Kin, dude, it's obvious you didn't like tonight's episode of Doctor Who, but do you really need to simultaneously poo poo up two separate threads?

You have like... encountered Kin before, right?

edit - oh hey, there's another page. Now I seem weird. Uhh.. Replace Kin with Rapey Joe Stalin I guess.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


I just watched the secret millionaire in Middlesbrough. Very rarely cry when I see stuff on TV.

Did.

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Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."


Kin posted:

Jamie Oliver vs Capitalism. Capitalism wins.

edit: i'm watching on 4+1 and Jamie just pulled out an extremeley overweight kid with a family that's all got diabetes including 10 year old kids and poo poo and how it's all down to fast food. It was to show some restaraunt owner why he's doing what he's doing in an attempt to get some healthy poo poo put on the restaraunt's menu.

The owners response?

"Oh well, it's a choice to eat it fatty. People are buying the poo poo i'm selling so i'm going to sell it." a.k.a. gently caress you, got mine.

Not really a case of gently caress you, got mine, more a case of 'Well... that's how the free market operates, dude. Of course you shouldn't have a loving burger, fries and large coke every single day because that poo poo will be bad for you but if you want to give me money to continue to make your poor choices with then I, as a business man, am not going to stop you.'

Their money, their choice, their massive loving coronary.

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